A couple of years ago, I had the opportunity, or possibly the misfortune, to spend a lot of time around some really dumb people who did a lot a dumb things.
I also had the opportunity to be out in public places frequently, which ALWAYS led to good stories.
My work days are spent mostly inside around people who I really won’t write about, so, when I had the opportunity to be OUT today, I stopped somewhere for lunch.
Not a big lunch (because of my public bathroom issues) but just to spend 30 minutes in a public place watching people…A Steak and Shake.
I hadn’t been to one of these before and, since there was a place to sit at the bar and watch the kitchen workers, I thought trying to catch one of them picking their nose and cooking would be fun.
Other than noticing 20 people in this kitchen preparing for the lunch rush in a VERY efficient manner, there was nothing very exciting happening. In a busy kitchen it is very easy to spot the dead weight…but that was boring.
Then it happened.
Through the front door walked a lady dragging a four-foot long cooler.
For the next 15 minutes, the manager and three staff members helped this lady load about 50 shakes into this cooler. Since I was next to the cash register, I was “fortunate” enough” to have this lady tell me that she was buying the shakes for a retirement party and that she had a two and a half hour drive to get these shakes to their final destination.
I guess these shakes must be orgasmic, but I didn’t really care…she wasn’t entertaining enough for me.
Until she started to pay. She had them ring up these shakes in a group of five, then she would pay…then another group of five…then another exchange of money. By third or fourth transaction, there was a line of partons waiting behind her to pay and they had actually began encroaching in MY space…and my issues with people violating my space are only surpassed by my issues with public restrooms.
Finally, someone behind her asked about the shakes and the cooler….they weren’t there for the first edition of the story.
She told them that she had almost 180 miles to drive with these shakes.
This is when I interrupted, “180 miles? That’s about three hours, isn’t it?”
“Sure.” She replied
“You might have a problem. I guess I misunderstood you,” Without the manager listening, I continued, “The coolers they kept those shakes in waiting for you were about 30 degrees, but not your cooler.”
“‘I’ve got ice in there.”
“Sure, but the ambient temperature in that cooler is going to be dropping as the ice melts.”
I scratched my chin. “You’ve got about 60 minutes before that temperature rises above 30 degrees and it will rise about one degree every 10 minutes until it levels out at about 40 degrees.”
“What?!?!?!”
“Sure. That means in about two and a half hours those shakes will be melted.”
“How do you know?”
“Ma’am. I don’t mean to boast, bu I hold a PhD in Chemistry from the University of Michigan…but this is really common knowledge…I think.”
I looked around, but no one understood what I was talking about…because I didn’t know what I was talking about.
“Listen,” I said to her, “my suggestion, if you want to save these shakes would be to buy another cooler now. After driving an hour, stop and get another couple of bags of ice to put in the other cooler. After another 30 minutes, stop and switch all of the shakes to the other cooler.”
“Will that work?”
I couldn’t believe she was still on board, but it was too late to stop.
“It should, but you might have to stop and repeat the whole process one more time just to be safe.”
It is nice to be back again.
N*ked On the Roof... 
They said it