Here’s a nice thought that is good to keep returning to:

A physicist once gave me the ‘Ladybird’ version of electrons. He emphasised that reality as we know it is marvellously interconnected. Electrons at either end of the universe vibrate in synchronicity with one another. ‘So true is this’ he said ‘that we can’t understand anything by itself, but only in its connectedness.

Everything is somehow in touch with everything else. And everyone is linked with everyone else, past, present and future. This means that only when the last of us has been gathered in will we know the full story of the human race. Think of history as being a bit like a cosmic joke: while you’re telling a joke, people are puzzled. They wonder how the story is going to work out. Only with the punch line do they get the point and laugh.’

So with the human story: we must be patient. God indeed exists, but so also does dreadful evil. God works within what is bad to bring good out of it. We see this in the Passion with the eyes of faith. What was the worst of Fridays becomes Good Friday only because of the love involved. This love cuts across the downward spiral of evil, sin and death and it opens up to us God’s world, a new world of freedom and love. At the end we will see how love has transformed all the sorrow and pain and tragedy of our story. Only then will the laughter begin, laughter of the purest and most liberating kind. This laughter will be led by the three divine Persons who always intended that things would end well and who laboured mightily to bring this about. ‘Blessed are you who weep now, for you will laugh’ (Luke 6:21).

I’ve been gone awhile because I found myself a new, not so serious blog, and a series of vacations and planning unfulfilled plans. Once more, I find myself coming back to this anonymous, comforting nook. Here’s a thought: yesterday someone said the whole point of life was to try, and keep trying. It doesn’t matter if we succeed because the whole point of life is to die trying. No one is really finished or complete, no matter how successful, accomplished or self-actualized they are. Hmm.

I’m still reorienting my stubborn mind towards the new changes happening in the next few months like, no dog (sorry Panda), full time grad school, and building an enterprise. Sometimes, I look at life in another way, which is not in the trying part – but rather in the aspiring part – to try because of or to try in order to. There’s a danger to that though because the more you orient yourself towards a goal, the more you lose focus on the present.  For now, I am okay with that.  I am okay with the dream of a big house, with a big yard and a big garden where my pair of English bullies can romp and play while I look on from reading the latest issue of In Style Magazine.  I am okay with trying in order to get that diploma and earn big bucks because these bullies cost so much and eat like there’s no tomorrow.

I came across a reading which states that we need to be aware of how the little things we do can far outweigh the big things. It goes on to say that ‘trying to serve God in big things would be like trying to hunt lions in the corridor’.  How true! It is hard to find other, concrete means toward being more spiritual when one is busy, consumed with work, or preoccupied with a hundred things daily.  But it is in these daily, routine tasks that one can find an opportunity to seek God constantly.

Growing up, I had always been taught to measure success in terms of tangible things, an academic award, a medal, a fat paycheck, recognition. However, it is hardly much emphasized that the way to obtaining these desirables are more important.  Tomorrow could be my last day of living and my dream of having a Phd will remain unfulfilled, yet I could choose to see each day as a way to bring meaning toward that reality by doing each act consistently with love and attention.  The formula sounds simple, but simple is not always easy.

It is hard to do these little things consistently patiently and lovingly which is the essence of filling a jug drop by drop.  Given my situation now especially trying to do my housework perfectly and with loving attention to details can get challenging because honestly, they can get really tedious and monotonous but I would be a hypocrite to try and find a recognition or award in what would otherwise be my primary duty anyway.

Lately hidden parts of me were revealed, like clouds gliding by to reveal shadows cast.  And though unexpected and hidden, they were not unwanted because they helped me understand parts of me I never quite bothered to examine.

My family is one for the books. I can count no less than ten disorders introducing my entire clan to one person. Yet, it is their precise combination of idiosyncrasies that formed me, and I would say brought out my best potential.  The more I delve objectively into my roots, the more I realize th momentum behind the choices that I made today.  Perhaps in time I can grow to appreciate the painful, incomplete parts that damaged these relationships but in the end, pain sometimes facilitates growth, and eventually acceptance and love.  Being part of this imperfect network reminds me that I am a part of them as much as they are a part of me through the successes and failures that I make in life. And though we are not exactly a close-knit clan, we are related in a primordial, indelible way.

I have not given much thought much about my relatives because our interactions are infrequent, but this dinner has opened my eyes to the necessity of looking deeper and welcome these moments because they are opportunities for deepening and self-possession.

I’ve had the precious opportunity to spend time with my parents for a few days, and the experience was an unexpected gift that I can only describe as rare.  I think, growing up, one redefines their relationship with their parents but I’ve personally been blessed because of my unique perspective in our family. Being the first born, and might I add: the only child for seven years, gave me a chance to observe how my parents matured from being a young, married couple. They married fresh out of college and admittedly, learned through trial & (perhaps mostly) error in their decision making process of rearing me.

Today, I made a conscious effort to soak up in the present.  In absorbing the environment on my way to yoga class, I walked too slowly and missed my bus. Undeterred by the blip in my schedule, I focused patiently on my surroundings: a little school girl with pink eyeglasses, an old lady with her grocery bags, a man waiting with a newspaper under his arm.  It seemed that they were all unfrazzled by the bus that took its time to roll slowly along our stop.

As I got on the bus, I made eye contact with the old driver, nodding with a smile for his service. Then, I made my way toward an empty row behind a Buddhist monk in orange robe.  As we rolled to each stop, I tried to look at the passengers getting down the bus, guessing at their next destination.

Then, a funny thing happened.  The monk stood up at the next stop, and as I saw him alight the bus, I noticed he was barefoot! I immediately thought, “hey, you forgot your shoes!” He seemed to guess at my thoughts as he held my gaze, without emotion or judgement, as if to say: “I have everything I need.”

In those brief seconds, I was stunned about how he appeared so composed in his austere appearance, reminding me that possessions are not needed to live a full life.

Had I not been mindful of my fellow-passengers on bus 32, I might have missed out on Barefoot Monk.  Too often I get caught up on satisfying my needs that I forget to stop and figure out whether they are actual needs, and not wants.

Thank you, barefoot monk!