I wanna be more confident.

I want to. Because God has created me beautifully and will continue to cultivate my inner beauty. And I have the right to be confident because of what He has done and will continue to do. I wanna be happier and even more cheerful. I wanna be full of energy. To jump and praise Him freely, without any cares and woes of the many eyes that are looking at me. I wanna dance, dance, dance in His freedom. I wanna be that light that shines and makes others want to shine like me too. I don't want to be holding that mic and standing behind that keyboard while singing for Him. It's not supposed to be that way if God is really shining through me. I don't want that old sadness in my eyes (that Huiting saw) to ever need to show up again. I don't need to wallow in self-pity.

I wanna be confident to the extent that I know I can be confident because I know I am SOOOOOO loved by Him and my security lies in Him and not in the approval of man's eyes. These few days have been a struggle for me. A very BIG struggle. But God is faithful. Even when I'm not spending time with Him, He slowly brings me through the events that have happened to let me know that I rely on the approval of man too much.

Even as I talk abt the issue of confidence, I recall what maMa sHarOn was talking to me about the other day. She was asking me to reflect on the spot the differences that I can see in myself ever since I came back last October. I said, "I feel more confident of myself because I find myself doing things that I never dared to do before and it's because God is building this confidence in me". Haha and then she said that I always talk in "morale" sentences, sentences that keeps using the word "God" but never really describing what God has done. She put my words in a much clearer way that made me realize God is much more tangible than I think He is. She said something like, "You feel that you have found acceptance with a (spiritual) family that you've never had before. And this acceptance comes especially from the bonding of Reina and Jia Hui, and the others. And the new confidence arose because of this acceptance. This is a tangible way that shows how God has touched you. God can be tangible also, through your sisters." And now it makes much more sense. Haha. In a later MSN conversation with Sarah, I felt affirmed once again of this confidence that God is slowly building up. She said "Babe just wanna say I think God has really strengthened you :)"

And I just wanna tell everyone of you, my G12 sistas: Yoke Yeong, Eunice, Huiting, Joanna, Wendy, Huiming, Shuan Shuan, Jang, Reina & Sarah - I love alllllllllll of you SOOOO MUCH!!! I appreciate allllll of your love and your unconditional acceptance for me.

Hahha and especially to Eunice, Huiting, Joanna, Shuan Shuan & Reina - thank you for not freaking out about my problem of _ _ _ _ _ TILLOMANIA when I told you guys the story. HAHHA and Shuan2, LOVE YAH for your thoughtful thought of buying the Good-Look serum for me! I feel so LOVED lah by everybody! HAHAS.

I just wanna praise the Lord cos looking back on this one year, God has really changed me in many ways. Ways that the old me could never have anticipated.
Just one small example: I hated social interactions in the past. I hated having to make small-talk to people cos I just wanted to have nothing to do with people, except for my family, during those dark years. But now, I feel so open to even talk to strangers. Because I no longer need to hide. And I no longer need to avoid looking at myself in the mirror.

Labels: acceptance, confidence, God, sistas

What Christian Single Girls Look for in a Guy

What do Christian single girls look for in a single Christian guy when contemplating a soulmate or marriage partner? This question always seems to percolate in any singles groups I have ever attended or led. We found some online surveys about Christian single girls (ages 18-70) you may find quite interesting.

Okay guys, so you’re no babe magnet? Don’t worry about it because the good news here is that single Christian girls of all ages appear to put physical attraction behind four other qualities that you may have. If you don’t have any of these, you may want to consider becoming a eunuch.

Top Dating Qualities Christian Girls Want

Here are the top five qualities single Christian girls look for in a Christian single guy:

1. Christian single women want a guy who is passionate about his Lord. Nothing is more attractive to a single Christian girl than a guy who is in love with Jesus, and passionate about following Him. A guy sold out for Jesus lets the single Christian girl know that he is not afraid of big commitments as in, ahem…marriage. I can’t believe I just wrote the “M” word.
2. Christian single girls put a high value on a guy who can honestly share feelings. She wants to be able to trust that her potential husband is a man of his word, and faithful to her. It also doesn’t hurt that he is not afraid to cry while watching sad movies. Look, most of us have been burned by fakers and liars, and it hurts big time. For some of you guys who do have a problem in this area, I suggest listening to that old Billy Joel tune, Honesty, and doing a Bible word study on the word.
3. Christian single girls are attracted to a guy with a good sense of humor. Life has lots of bumps in the road, and a sense of humor will help her keep perspective on what is really important (Col. 3:1) when the going gets tough. Plus, these kind of folks are just fun to be around.
4. Single Christian girls are looking for a guy who can provide a stable environment. Translation: A single woman finds a man appealing who has a steady job and loving relationships with his immediate family members. This shows the single Christian girl that the guy is dependable, consistent and able to provide for a family. This issue of provision is extremely important for a any single woman looking for a mate. Look, we’re not talking Donald Trump here, okay? As my one Christian single girlfriend says, “If he has an operating driver’s license and a job, that’s good enough for me.”
5. Coming in at fifth place is the issue of physical attractiveness. Christian single girls relay that it’s important (but not most important) that they be somewhat physically attracted to the man they marry. In other words, when a single Christian girl looks upon you, she should find “something” appealing about you physically. You may not be a Brad Pitt, but you almost certainly have at least one feature that is above average in appearance.

LOL. I got this from some random website. HAHA. Quite true. At least for me.

Labels: Christian guys, criteria, dating

A list of funny things (thanks to wendy h.)

1. Coca-Cola was originally green.

2. The most common name in the world is Mohammed. (& Mohammed = prophet)

3. The name of all the continents end with the same letter that they start with.

4. The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
(practise too much alr.. that's why)

5. There are two credit cards for every person in the United States.
(maybe that's why their national debt is so high)

6. TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.

7. Women blink nearly twice as much as men!
(we must be trying too hard to flirt with guys)

8. You can’t kill yourself by holding your breath.

9. It is impossible to lick your elbow.

10. People say “Bless you” when you sneeze because when you sneeze, your heart stops for a millisecond.

11. It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky.

12. The “sixth sick sheik’s sixth sheep’s sick” is said to be the toughest tongue twister in the English language.

13. If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib.

14. If you try to suppress a sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck and die.

15. Each king in a deck of playing cards represents great king from history : Spades - King David, Clubs - Alexander the Great, Hearts - Charlemagne, Diamonds - Julius Caesar.

16. 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 =12,345,678,987,654,321
(genuine comment: this is like amazing lah. God's DA math genius)

17. If a statue of a person in the park on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle.

18. If the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle.

19. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.

20. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield, wipers and laser printers all have in common? (Ans. - All invented by women.) (genuine comment: Celebrate girl power!)

21. Question - This is the only food that doesn’t spoil. What is it? Ans: Honey
(genuine comment: oooo.. The promised land full of honeyy)

22. A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.

23. A snail can sleep for three years. (wah... i'd want that. but for guys, imagine you finally wake up one day and found yourself lying/maybe even tangled in your long, tangling mustache)

24. All polar bears are left handed.

25. American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served in first-class.

26. Butterflies taste with their feet.

27. Elephants are the only animals that can’t jump.
(or else there'd be more earthquakes)

28. In the last 4000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.

29. On average, people fear spiders more than they do death.

30. Shakespeare invented the word ‘assassination’ and ‘bump’.
(bump?? by Shakespeare?? that says a LOT about him.)

31. Stewardesses is the longest word typed with only the left hand.

32. The ant always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.

33. The electric chair was invented by a dentist.

34. The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet. (watch out for my bloooooD!!)

35. Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times. (yikes... but my iPod died so for a long time to come my ears shall be less bacteria-infested)

36. The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.
(so why did someone else invent the match? must not have heard of the lighter yet.)

37. Most lipstick contains fish scales.
(ok.. luckily i don't use lipstick. lip gloss leh? mwahaha)

38. Like fingerprints, everyone’s tongue print is different.
(hmmm... tell me who would tongue print? oh.. i noe why everyone's tongue print wld be different alr. cos everyone's saliva contents are different mah.)

39. And finally 99% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow.

*hahahah, forgive my super-lameness + sarcastic tone. quite fun though.

Labels: funny, lame

His grace...

I've come to gain a deeper understanding of this word "grace".
It is not here to replace our sins. And neither am I here to preach or whatever. Just my dollar's worth. The expectations that God has for us are so high and unattainable. He knows. Many a time, I fall so short of what He expects from me. I feel like I disappoint Him over and over again. But He knows each and every weakness and yet He still loves me. It's mind-blowing but it's true. Through Jesus, He gives us grace to help us do it. I can never do it by my own strength... but His grace is sufficient.

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."
- 2 Cor. 12:9

A thousand times I've failed
Still your mercy remains
And If I stumble again
I'm caught in Your grace
Everlasting, Your light will shine
When all else fails
Neverending, your glory goes
Beyond all fame

Through His grace, we are now set free and can walk in the Holy Spirit to fulfil the expectations that He has for us. Because we are but humans, He has made this way for us that it is now possible through the Holy Spirit. Wahhhhhh... What freedom! Rejoice!!
Not by might, not by power, but by His Spirit.

Everlasting, Your light will shine
When all else fails
Neverending, Your glory goes
Beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart
Is to bring You praise
From the inside out
Lord, my soul cries out

I am a Jesus freak and proud of it.

Labels: God, grace, Holy Spirit, Jesus

quizzes

Your Dominant Intelligence is Linguistic Intelligence

You are excellent with words and language. You explain yourself well. An elegant speaker, you can converse well with anyone on the fly. You are also good at remembering information and convicing someone of your point of view. A master of creative phrasing and unique words, you enjoy expanding your vocabulary. You would make a fantastic poet, journalist, writer, teacher, lawyer, politician, or translator.

How You Are In Love

You take a while to fall in love with someone. Trust takes time. You need your space and privacy. You don't like to be smothered. You love your partner unconditionally and don't try to make them change. You stay in love for a long time, even if you aren't loved back. When you fall, you fall hard.

Your Personality Is

Idealist (NF) You are a passionate, caring, and unique person. You are good at expressing yourself and sharing your ideals. You are the most compassionate of all types and connect with others easily. Your heart tends to rule you. You can't make decisions without considering feelings. You seek out other empathetic people to befriend. Truth and authenticity matters in your friendships. In love, you give everything you have to relationships. You fall in love easily. At work, you crave personal expression and meaning in your career. With others, you communicate well. You can spend all night talking with someone. As far as your looks go, you've likely taken the time to develop your own personal style. On weekends, you like to be with others. Charity work is also a favorite pastime of yours.

You Go For Brains!

You want a guy with a big... brain. And of course it would be nice if he were a total hottie, but you're not counting on it. What's on the inside is what counts for you. (Besides, you can always change the outside later!)

You Are Fall!

Thoughtful Expressive Creative Poetic Smart

ramblings

I can't wait for the weekend to come. But also dread the coming of Monday. The day of submitting my PL4221 report. Sianz! Argggghhhhhh!

I'm feeling quite ah... positive these few days with good rest. Hahaha.
Oh boy... I'm scared of Saturday! The day that we'll have our first band practice at Fourtones! (not G12 band) I haven't practised yet lah.. oh dear...
This year has been a very very busy year, so far. 10 months of busy-ness.
And plus with my joining in the MacNUS ex-co, the setting up of two new bands, the prayer meeting group at NUS, along with the regular school stuff and helping out at Young Arrows on Saturdays, I feel like I've finally done something. Conformed to the society? Lol. Not that doing the work of God is conforming to this world. But really that I've finally done things that I wouldn't have done in the past. Things I wouldn't have even bothered/dared to do. God is taking away the old "woman" and putting on the new "woman". Time to get back to the essay! aaaaaaahhhh!

Labels: busy, change, God

God at Work in our House

Hahha.. I should be preparing for my Advanced Abnormal Psy presentation and Forensic Sci test tomorrow but I just felt that I should post this. On Sunday, after hearing about the Family Harmony at service, I felt so prompted by God, that I had not been right with my parents, especially my mom. After repenting and asking for forgiveness from Him, I went home and decided I had to make an effort to make things good with my mom. Ever since I started to be committed to His work plus with sch and work, I've spent lesser time with my family and many a time, when I'm finally able to sit down to rest and watch Gilmore Girls on my laptop, I find myself turning deaf ears to my mom when she comes to my room and wants to speak to me. Rev. Richard Ong mentioned in service it was akin to "shutting off". Quite apt actually.

I realized that unless I make a concerted effort to talk to my mom, our relationship would be very shaky and unstable. It's just like with God. Constant communication is crucial (the power of alliteration, haha).

This week I find myself making a point to even walk into the kitchen after I reach home, just to talk to my mom about what happened in school and she's always listening to me. And whenever she speaks to me, I'll make an effort to focus on her and listen too. And hahaha, usually when she calls me on the cell when I'm outside, I would talk to her for less than a minute. But yesterday while I was making a decision at the school bus stop as to whether I should go to town to look for something or to go home straightway, and my mom called me, I had initially wanted to hang up on her as quickly as possible but I ended up telling her exactly what I was thinking about and I felt so much better cos if I had hung up on her quickly as usual, I'd feel like I lied to her (the usual feeling that I feel when I don't tell her the actual thing I was planning to do). Today, I approached her, wanting to borrow some money from her to buy something (cos I'm ultra broke) and I was surprised at how ok it was for her to want to give me that money. I think it's really because I was very upfront about it and told her the reason honestly.

Last night, my mom came to me and asked if we could pray for our family, especially for someone, together. I was quite surprised also hahah. Cos usually I'm the one who initiates the praying together. We then prayed together and even as I was praying, I felt the pain in my mom's heart for that someone as I heard her crying but also the faith that she has in God that He will make things right and that He will heal her own knees and to break down that 5cm cyst in her womb. I think this little prayer time has even brought to the two of us together even closer than before. I praise the Lord for what He has done in my family.

Labels: family, God, Mummy

What is God's calling for me?

In the midst of studying, shopping, sleeping and tons of unproductive-ness, I couldn't help but ask - God, what do you want me to do? In fact, I've been curious all my life as to what career path I would take after much studying (lemme count, wahhhh 18 years of education!). Who wouldnt??

Especially these 2 weeks (and days after Modern Levites Conference). God just brought me through some situations in which I found myself questioning, "Is this what He wants me to do? Is this what He has planned for me?"

First off, it was the Modern Levites' Conference. I've always had a passion for singing. But it has died down ever since the JC years 'cause of various reasons. But during the Modern Levites' Conference, I felt God prompting my heart, "It's time to sing, it's time to rise up, worship warrior." But I have a big problem with confidence. I'm afraid that my voice is not as wonderful in reality as I've imagined it to be. I've only ever sung on stage once, when I was in primary 6, with a few other classmates. Another time was during a Sec One History presentation which we had to rewrite the lyrics of a song into a Japanese Occupation context. On the day of the presentation, I totally sang out of tune when the note of the song became too high. But when Anna Button replied to my question (during Mod. Lev.), "How do you know if you have a good voice?", I kind of knew in my heart that the question was redundant. I was just looking for an answer that would discourage me, to confirm that I have been imagining that my voice is good, so that I can finally wake up from this dream. The thing is, all along I knew my voice is not bad, but not that good either. So I had to do something about it. I have to start letting people hear my voice and give me opinions. I did it. Wednesday night. At Reina's. But I was so reluctant to sing even in front of her lah hahaha. Sooooo afraid of discovering that my voice is not good at all. At the end of it, Reina said something to the extent of "it's not bad but you have to project your voice." (Reina! We must get together to record ANOTHER demo soon so that the rest of the G12 can tell me what they think about my voice. I'm so sad that I didn't save the one that recorded before the battery ran out! Especially in view of our first email regarding the G12 band! I already know which role I'm going for but quite scared!)

Next was what happened last Saturday night. Reina was going to this meeting organized by a Christian guy who is trying to get a Christian band together. I didn't know of the meeting at all until she asked me if I was interested, on that day itself. I decided to simply tag along to see see look look. But when she smsed him about me and that I can sing, he replied and said something like ,"Amen! Godsend! I'm looking for a vocalist!" At that point of time, I was still hesitating. But when we finally got down to the discussion, I found myself really wanting to join this band as the vocalist. But does God really want me to be in this band? What about our G12 band? And more importantly, does He really want me to be a vocalist? I need affirmation & confirmation! And along with so many other things that I've committed myself to - do I have the time???

While I was spending time with God the other day, He brought to mind one worship song which I then sang to Him. It was, "I Offer My Life". The Holy Spirit highlighted especially this phrase, "Things in the past, things yet unseen, wishes and dreams that are yet to come true." It was like, He was reminding me of dreams that I've had in the past about singing and also telling me that dreams that He has already planned out for me but I still can't see yet - that He is going to bring them to pass, that He is going to make them all come true, one by one. I just feel so reassured that even though I can't foresee what is to come and nothing is tangible yet, He already has planned out my life and He is going to see me through and be there for me, through all the ups and downs.

And today, I went for a career tea session organized by the Ministry of ______ (I can't reveal which because the event is highly confidential). But the career opportunities are so interesting and challenging!! And it's like another open door lah. I have been quite worried about where I should be heading towards after graduation. I want a career that suits me, and interesting, and also in which I can fight for a cause. Then there is the counsellor position offered at Touch Community Services. The reason as to why I decided to major in psychology is to help people. But I really don't know what God has in mind for me.

Right now, all I know is I have to maximize to the fullest the talents that God has entrusted me with. I do not want to sit there and idle away time like the lazy servant in the Parable of the Talents in the Bible but to be like the man with 5 talents and had worked hard to gain another 5.

Labels: career, God, path of life, singing

A Sobering 10-min chat with Huiting

I just had a chat with Huiting online. Woke me up. From what I've been doing.
What I should be focusing right now is really not what I've been doing. But really on my studies. I have to tear myself away from Facebook so that I would not continue what I'm doing!

These 2 weeks should be a period of cooling down.

You know what? I find myself very fantastic lah. C_U_H_N_ again and again. Someone can just pour a bucket of ice water down on my head. I think it will help a lot.

Huiting is right. I have to pull myself out of this situation before I get trapped. By myself. (The _er_ on c_nc_ _n_d is not even a_a_e). This is ultra stupid.

He is there, right by Your side.

Ps Eugene said this verse during service just now as we were worshipping Him with our voices,

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." - Luke 11:9

This is a verse that everyone knows but I often forget. I often forget that I just have to ask Him.
Even as I was spending time with God in these wee hours of morning, after such a long time of not being close to Him due to all kinds of big and small reasons, I still found my refuge in Him. Uber uber touched by Him, by His words. He forgives me still even if I had not spent enough time with Him and come back to Him, however thick-skinned I am. Was just sitting down in the living room and crying out to Him that I needed His presence right there and then. Telling Him that I know that I cannot rely on my feelings to "feel" Him so to please tell me in another way that He is there. Then He brought to mind John 7:37, "If anyone is thirsty, let him come to me and drink,", which then was followed by another thought that He brought to mind "Hey, how about the Come Thirsty book my spiritual sisters gave to me? I haven't finished reading it yet." I got it out, sat down and began to read. As I read, words that He wanted me to focus on just popped out at me.

Romans 8:38-39 "For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, not any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

God is so poetic lah (through Paul).... just to tell me that He has never walked away from me ever, not even for a millisecond. I feel so loved and so wowed by His love.

The little paragraphs that are written at the end of the book - God used them to touch me even more. "So don't worry, I never tire or sleep. I stand beside you. You are worried and troubled about many things, trust me with all your heart. My thoughts of you cannot be counted; they outnumber the grains of sand!" How can you bear not breaking down in tears realizing how much He loves you? Far more than anything, you realize what's important is not what He can give you, but He himself, the giver Himself.

Conclusion: God loves me and nothing can ever take that away from the two of us. When I just simply ask with a sincere heart that hungers for Him, He will not fail to show up.

Labels: God's love, in His love, touched

Floating?

Modern Levites' Conference last week was a blast. Learnt so much and wah.... God really touched my heart lah, but I can't explain more here.

Right now, I just feel like I'm floating around. Should be mugging and catching up on readings. Must go to Central Library soon to print and zap all those readings. Sigh... But amidst all these, I just find myself wondering and "wandering" off. Must concentrate on studies!! Must guard my heart from emotions! Haha I'm reading this book by Johanna Castellanos called "iLove" and it's really useful and applicable lah.. Want to finish it soon hahah...

Recently, got crazy about Facebook. Check it every passing moment every day. Which is bad. I know. Sigh. Coming back to senses.

hahahha my MEEEZ

A BREAKTHROUGH!!!

I met up with 3 colleagues today at Bishan Junction 8, planned it yesterday with my colleague, Lanly, from Ipoh, who came back to settle some stuff. At first we wanted to meet up at Ang Mo Kio, where she's staying for the weekend but decided to change it somewhere nearer to me. Oh well, hahah, Bishan is a 40min bus ride away from my place. But what was most wonderful was God's plans today for the people I care about - when I was on the bus to Bishan, I passed by Bishan St. 11 and I was thinking, "hey, isn't this where Zhihui's staying?" (Zhihui's my best friend since Sec 1) and I was going to meet up with her on Friday but then cos of MINDS, I wouldn't be able to accompany her to her doc's appt at TTSH on Friday. So I decided to sms her to see if I could visit her. After blessing one of the colleagues and chatting and all that, I walked over to Zhihui's place.

Then we had a long talk and I told her about the 100k blessing. Oh boy it's really good that God planned for me to pop over at her house today lah cos she actually heard about it from a colleague but she got the wrong message. So I explained to her the entire 100k blessing event and I was kind of scared that she'll say "It's ok lah, I don't need it." But hahahh God is SOOOOO GOOOD lah!!! Indeed, He has gone before us to prepare the nation of Singapore even before we took that step of faith to bless His people. Indeed, He has made the ground soft for us to harvest.. which is so true of what happened yesterday during the TCS walkathon (when we reached the Padang at 7.30am, the grass was wet with soft mud and some of the kids were disgusted by the mud lah but God was reminding me, "Hey I've made the ground soft for you to harvest." So I wasn't that irritated by the soil lah hahah.) Anyways, back to today, Zhihui wanted to be blessed!!! WOOOT! And after choosing those areas she needed, I just prayed for her and indeed the Holy Spirit was there with us and He guided me as to what I should speak and He touched on the areas that were really important to her and was concerned about. After the prayer, I opened my eyes and I thought I saw a bored expression on her face but after another 2 mins, I realized that she was actually starting to tear and she told me the things that I said were how she felt. I was so affirmed by what she said cos it is indeed the Holy Spirit at work in me! And she also said that I was the only friend who cares about her so much, who knows what she is feeling without her having to tell me. And I was thinking, "God, indeed you know our hearts, every thought and every feeling." I was then reminded of Jeremiah 1:5 and Psalm 139 and I showed her the verses there and then. I could tell that she was indeed touched by His love for her and I believe that in the days to come, He's going to bless her so much and continue to show His love for her. WOOOOTTT!!!! I want to celebrate this!! It's a breakthrough for both me and her! For me, it was this feeling that even though I've already blessed quite some people, but I couldn't seem to connect any of them with God and Zhihui was the breakthrough for me. More importantly, for her, it is a big step towards Him. I truly believe God will bring her back despite her present concerns. HEEEEE!!

Labels: 100k blessing, best friend, colleagues, God

More YA Sports Day photos!!

Lol!!! I've got more photos from Tan Chun for the Sports Day! Haha!







WOOOTTT!!! BEN CLUB RAWKZ!!!












































Baobei is so cute lah!!! Haha.. finally had the chance to interact with him this time ard...



























Spot the difference?