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Man Even Sore From Half-Assing It
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Jerk Already Knew That
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Disgusting New McDonald’s Sandwich Not Bad
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Kraft Unveils High Fructose Corn Syrup Snack Cup
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Buddy Vouched For
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Weather Not Deemed Too Shitty For Delivery Guy
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Car Windows Rolled Down To Let Out Shitty Music
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Child Gains Upper Hand After Discovering Highlighted Parenting Guide
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Anger-Bottling Factory Explodes
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Babysitter Hoping Family Not Keeping Track Of Fudgesicles
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Role Model Slept With
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Upper Hand Gained, Lost During Course Of Sentence
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Evolution Textbook Hidden Under Mattress
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Block Party Watched Through Curtains
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Pounding From Car Trunk Growing Fainter
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Casting Director Casts Self
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Turtle Dials 911 An Hour Too Late
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Visible Part Of Baguette Consumed On Way Home
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Baby Given Cat’s Room
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New Report From Department Of Labor Finds Unemployability On The Rise
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Tech Billionaires Threaten To Flee California Over Proposed Vest Tax
SAN FRANCISCO—Citing a right to keep their torsos sheathed in windproof synthetic fabrics, tech billionaires were reportedly threatening to flee…
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Congress Passes Law Banning Women From Leaving House Without Makeup
WASHINGTON—In a landmark piece of legislation that disgusted supporters said was long overdue, Congress passed a law Thursday banning women…
Politics
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Political Profile: Jack Schlossberg
Jack Schlossberg, who is best known for his provocative social media presence and for being the grandson of John F.…
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Santa Tracker Shows Sleigh Stopped For 40 Minutes Outside Old Girlfriend’s House
AKRON, OH—Using the icon of a sleigh to denote his unmistakable presence near a residence in northeastern Ohio, NORAD’s official…
Sports
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