Listen, if you get the opportunity to hang out with friends and at the same time protest the demolition of your country’s democracy, I vehemently suggest you take that opportunity. So heartening, on so many levels. Maybe, like me, you would rather stay home/warm/indoors. No, it turns out, you wouldn’t, not if you knew what it would be like. Imagine me putting my freezing hands on the sides of your face and looking earnestly into your eyes, while with my thawing toes I attempt to place an order for warmer winter boots and a selection of HotHands hand and toe warmers, so that I will be ready to attend future such hangouts. And, as I’ve mentioned before, but I think only on Bluesky: if you can’t attend a protest, but you can honk and wave as you drive past a protest, YOU ARE ATTENDING THE PROTEST. I’d never realized how bolstering and cheering that could be to the protesters, but it’s HUGE.

Also, make yourself a mental note to go out for drinks/snacks/treats afterwards, to reinforce the psychological payoff.

In the words of author John Scalzi: what a deeply embarrassing day to be a U.S. citizen, on so many levels.

Presumably in the future we will not remember which specific embarrassments went with this particular day, so I will pin an example: the U.S. president texted the prime minister of Norway, saying that because “Norway” hadn’t given him the Nobel Peace Prize, even though he had “stopped 8 Wars PLUS” (citation needed), he “no longer feels an obligation to think purely of peace.” He went on to say that he personally has done more for NATO than anyone else (citation needed), and that therefore NATO should let him “have” Greenland, which he has said we will take the hard way if we can’t get it the easy way, because we “need” it. I feel I should mention that the actual winner of the Nobel Peace Prize (a prize not in fact given by the government of Norway, as the prime minister of Norway said he has repeatedly explained to our president without effect), María Corina Machado, GAVE OUR TERRIBLE PRESIDENT HER MEDAL. This makes me feel like sobbing, gagging, and burning everything down, all at once.

Embarrassing doesn’t cover it. It is mortifying. Excruciating. Horrifying. Terrifying. Nauseating. We are afraid for our lives, of course, and for our country, and for our future, and for our children’s futures—but also for the lives and countries and futures of everyone else on this planet. We are on a rollercoaster driven off-road by a mad clown who does not have a valid driver’s license, and also is under the influence and not watching the road, and also that rollercoaster is headed directly for a nuclear device on the edge of a cliff, and also our mad clown thinks that cliffs and nuclear devices are Democratic hoaxes to make him look bad. It is not a good ride, in case you are wondering.

This situation, and by “this situation” I mean the one that began in 2016, has changed the way I talk about world politics. I should have changed sooner, but I’m embarrassed to say it took me that long to tune in. In the past, I would have said things such as “Russia is attacking Ukraine,” or “Germany attacked Poland,” or whatever. Now, I might still lazily slip into that kind of speech, because I am new to this and also not good with history or geography, and because of what William, who co-majored in linguistics, tells me is called “synecdoche“—but generally, when my brain is engaged, and when I remember how it feels to hear that “the United States” is trying to take Greenland, I now try to remember to say “The government of Russia is attacking Ukraine.” There is no reason the world should grant the U.S. similar grace as we ONCE-A-FUCKIN-GAIN overstep our bounds to step all over everyone else and rob them of whatever we can carry—but it would be so sweet if they would say that THE U.S. GOVERNMENT is once-a-fuckin-gain overstepping its bounds to step all over everyone else and rob them of whatever we can carry, or even more specifically that TR*MP is doing that. Some of our citizens would do it if they could—that’s undeniable! But the majority of us would not, and NONE of the citizens CAN do it or ARE doing it. It is our leadership that is doing it.

Imagine yourself, as you are, a citizen of your country. Now imagine how much power you personally have to stop your country’s leaders from doing whatever they choose to do. No, no: I know you are imagining you would RISE UP or whatever—but we ARE doing that, and our government is sending our own military to shoot us in the face, so what is the NEXT idea you have for stopping your own highest leader, and does it seem like it would…like, WORK? Picture YOU, or even you and a group of like-minded citizens…against your country’s leader. What power do you personally have? What SPECIFICALLY would you do to stop it, chosen not from Fantasy Dream Options but instead from Things You Could Actually Do That Would Stop It. Right. Right. Exactly. It is the same for all the world’s citizens against all the world’s leaders, except that some are even worse off than that, and get their homes burned down and their families shot for trying. A citizen can SUPPORT the actions or DENOUNCE the actions, but a citizen is not DOING the actions and has no actual power to PREVENT OR STOP the actions.

My inclination is to apologize for my country’s leaders, but of what use would that be? It’s approximately as valuable as the power I have to stop them, which I have just said is none. Nevertheless, for what it is worth, I do apologize. I kneel before you and put my forehead and palms to the ground. The behavior of my country’s leadership is shocking, shameful, reckless, irresponsible, offensive, disrespectful, callous, dangerous, disgusting, traitorous. I am so unhappy that this MUST, absolutely MUST, result in my entire country, including me and all the other people who oppose the leadership, being exiled from the world’s friendship. An alliance cannot stand when one member of that alliance is swinging its dick around and forcing other members to kneel and kiss it. I hope you will pardon my vulgar metaphor. It is hard to avoid vulgar language when trying to describe a vulgar leader taking vulgar actions.

I hope the citizens of other countries realize that many, many of the citizens of the United States not only support but CHEER other countries’ efforts to resist ours. PLEASE stand with Greenland. PLEASE stand with Canada. PLEASE support retaliatory tariffs, and sanctions against the United States. PLEASE do what you can to resist our country’s leader from the outside, as we do what we can to resist him from within. Insofar as you have any power, as a citizen, to affect anything our leaders do.

I went to my one-year-post-knee-replacement-surgery follow-up at the hospital building today, first for knee x-rays and then to the knee surgeon’s PA for a check-up. I’d estimate 90% of the people working at the hospital (info desk, receptionists, volunteers, medical professionals) were wearing masks. Approximately a third of patients were wearing masks. This was not in areas where many sick patients would be seen, such as emergency intake or regular primary care; this was x-ray and orthopedics. Nevertheless: significantly wider-spread mask usage than I’ve seen since early in the pandemic.

I went to the grocery store afterward, and saw four employees and approximately the same number of customers, all wearing masks. This is up from seeing, like, zero or one mask per grocery trip.

I know multiple people (one coworker, one coworker’s spouse, one relative) who have been sick with one of the worst viruses they’ve ever experienced. I have heard there is an unexpected flu strain going around, a mutation that appeared after the vaccines had been formulated. The local news has started reporting deaths from flu, and also mentioning that hospitals are near capacity, so please stay home unless you are experiencing life-threatening illness. This too is reminding me of earlier on in the pandemic.

My coworker with a sick husband said he was fine when he went to work that morning; mid-afternoon he texted her that he wasn’t feeling great; by the time he got home, he had a 103-degree fever, went straight to the couch, and she wasn’t sure he’d moved since then. This was the next day.

My sick coworker had a similar report: she said one evening she had a mildly sore throat and she sneezed twice; by the next morning she had a fever and could only get out of bed to use the bathroom. She came into work after being out for a few days, but was still very visibly/audibly sick. She wore a mask—and, for the first time in quite awhile, I wore one too, because some of my work had to be done in her vicinity. One of the upsides of not being very good at decluttering is that I still had several masks with me: in my lunch bag, in my coat pockets.

I also wore a mask to my appointments at the hospital. I didn’t wear one to the grocery store, but the hospital felt more clear-cut. As I was checking in, an elderly woman was checking in at the next desk over; both our receptionists were masked, as was a nurse behind them, as was I, but the elderly lady was not. The elderly lady asked in a jocular way if everyone was sick, and her receptionist said no, and the unmasked elderly woman said “Oh good! Because I don’t want to catch anything!”

I do like that mask-wearing, while still catching some unwanted attention/reactions, now exists as a thing in the United States. It did not exist in my area of the country before the Covid-19 pandemic; now it does. My coworkers frequently came into work when they were sick, but now some of them wear masks when they do; and now I can wear a mask when people around me are clearly sick, and people know what it is and why I’m wearing it. They might think I am the sick one, but they don’t wonder WHAT I am wearing on my FACE.

After I wrote the last post, about needing to find More (more to do, more out of life, etc.), I had a little panic. HOW am I supposed to find More, when there’s nothing I want to do and nothing appeals? When I’m getting older and doors are closing, and I don’t even care because I didn’t want those doors anyway, but it still feels weird? When I can’t seem to take any action anyway, or even keep my desk tidy?—a sick overwhelmed feeling. Then I thought, “Would I feel a little better if I made my desk a little more tidy?,” and started doing that. Within 30 seconds I was tidying a different area of the house (I’d noticed the reusable Christmas bags and realized they needed a home), but no matter: any and all tidying goes to the overall benefit of the mental health bar. (And I did come back around and end up tidying my desk.)

In finding a place for the reusable Christmas bags, I noticed some boxes that were in the storage area but seemed to be mostly empty. Empty boxes are good to have, but these looked at the end of their useful life, and had just a few scraps of easily-dispersed clutter in them: a packet of replacement Christmas light bulbs, a plastic Target bag, two Christmas ornaments with the clearance tags still on them—things like that. In the bottom of one box, there was a string of metallic garland beads—so pretty, but I haven’t put them on the tree in the whole time we’ve lived in this house (7 years), because they get SUPER tangled SUPER easily. And, happily, I recently saw someone post online that you do not have to keep all your holiday decor just because you once thought you’d use it. So I moved the beads, which I’d wrapped around a piece of cardboard with notches cut in the sides to keep them untangled, to the Goodwill bag.

And, under the cardboard panel of beads, the cardboard having created the illusion of being able to see the bottom of the box, I found my tree skirt. The tree skirt that has been missing since we moved. The tree skirt that this year I gave up on finding, so Elizabeth and I went to the post-Christmas clearance sales and bought a new one. I texted Elizabeth “I found the tree skirt.” “Bruh,” she replied.

The twins are on their way back to college. I am feeling bereft.

And actually, I tried to more accurately identify the feeling (Facebook has been serving me reels by therapists, which, harsh but fair), and there’s an element of grief and an element of panic. I think partly it’s because having all the kids home reminded me that my main job (taking care of all the kids), which has long-since stopped being a full-time position, is ever continuing to diminish—which makes me look around at what is left. I am a middle-aged woman who plays phone games, works part-time at a library for an increasingly intolerable supervisor, messes around online, and shops. I am going to need to find the More.

Commenter Leo had a fun suggestion on the New Year’s Eve post:

I recommend resolution bingo! 24 concrete resolutions arranged on a bingo board. Less pressure, cause if you fail one, oh well, you can still get bingo. Concrete goals (“read 25 books” instead of “read more”) so that you get to tick them off. I tend to fill it with things I’d like to do, but have never got around to. Highly recommend!

Some of my coworkers did this last year, and they even made a Bingo board for me (they were hand-drawing them, as a little art project); but last year it hadn’t been even two months since the presidential election, and I couldn’t face doing much of anything. I’m not sure I can face it this year, either, but I can face it enough to be interested in Alyson’s suggestion that we do a post to collect ideas for anyone who might want to try it.

My coworkers were doing a mix of resolutions, some more fun and some less fun, and scattering them strategically; so that, for example, they would need to do “attend session of [new exercise type offered at the gym they already attend]” in order to get a bingo on the strip also populated by “get ice cream at [new local ice cream place].” If I remember correctly, they put “make Resolutions Bingo Card” as the center square. Commenter BKC mentioned a goal of sending more birthday cards, which feels perfect for the bingo card: you could make it, say, “send three birthday cards,” so that you know when you can check it off. Or send ONE birthday card, or send EIGHT, depending on where your goal is.

Here are the other bingo squares I remember, starting with the ones I just mentioned so they don’t get lost separated from the list:

• try a new exercise class at a gym you already attend
• try a new ice cream place
• send three birthday cards
• try a new cookie recipe
• see a particular movie
• try a particular TV series
• clean one kitchen cabinet
• clean one drawer
• buy flowers
• plant tulip bulbs
• plant wildflowers
• choose a new comforter/quilt
• try ax-throwing
• try an escape room
• try a new restaurant
• try one non-fiction book, and at least skim all the way to the end
• try an audio book
• go out to eat with a friend
• go out for coffee with a friend
• write a physical letter to someone
• go to an author event
• hike three different trails
• get a tattoo

And of course, again, any of the ones that mention numbers can be changed to DIFFERENT numbers. Maybe you hike three different trails before February, so you need something more ambitious to be interesting. Maybe you already send a dozen snail-mail letters a year and want to increase it to TWO dozen. Etc.

Similarly, maybe you already plant tulip bulbs, but you want to expand your planting, so your square needs to say “expand tulip-bulb planting” to count. Maybe you already routinely buy flowers, so you want to change your square to “buy flowers for someone else.” Etc.

Also, remember you can use the same idea for more than one square, as long as they are DIFFERENT completions of the same task. So you can have “send three birthday cards” on there TWICE, and after you send three you can check off ONE of the squares, and after you send three more you can check off the SECOND square.

(I hope I’m not overly spelling this out. We had one coworker who was having a hard time grasping some of the concepts.)

I think this is going to be the real heart of the post: we would love to hear EVERYONE ELSE’S suggestions for square goals.

I saw a suggestion online that New Year’s Eve was a good day to go through your Facebook friends and do some editing. I went through mine, but didn’t have anyone to edit. I did notice I am now up to four Facebook friends who are…er, no longer with us. I do not want to delete them. But this is a new situation to figure out, as we get older and more and more of our Facebook friend list is…In Memoriam.

Speaking of New Year’s Eve: in Times Such as These, I can see going either way on New Year’s resolutions. I can imagine someone resolving to Take Action (Postcards to Voters! letters to Congress! the midterms!!), or I can imagine These Times serving as motivation for resolutions about getting physically stronger. I find myself on the side of I Can’t Face It. If I WERE going to make resolutions, they would ONLY be the small and/or fun kinds: like, I can sort of imagine resolving to spend five minutes on the exercise bike each day OR I can imagine resolving to subscribe to a monthly sticker club or learn to make a new cocktail—things like that. I’m not going to do even those small/fun resolutions. But I cannot imagine resolving to do anything harder or less fun.

Another year gone, and I can’t believe how many years of our lives have been dominated by a cruel fool. It has been good at least to go through it together, and to have hope of a different future. Let’s continue to stick together, and let’s keep two bottles of champagne in the fridge: one for the new year, and one for that special day. Onward into 2026.

I am continually surprised by how confident many obituary writers are about what has happened after the death of the loved one—not even just the confident assertion that the loved one is definitely for sure in the good place, but even more specific declarations such as “was met at the gates of Heaven by her mother, sister, and beloved terrier Angela.” My friends, we do not have that level of detail about the intake process.

It is less than a week until Christmas and I am not going to panic. Today I sneaked my Secret Santa gift into work, and also passed around the Trader Joe’s giant foil-wrapped coins I bought everyone. I liked the mini spatula idea best, but I searched multiple stores and couldn’t find them at a reasonable price or in multipacks; I think I needed to plan further ahead. Another idea I considered was dividing a easy-native-wildflower seed mix into baggies, but I (1) left that one too late as well and (2) was a little unsure about the logistics. Also, some of my coworkers are in apartments, so the framing would have to be stealth-planting, and I actually don’t know much about that. Should I make seed-balls? I don’t know. It started to seem like A Lot. Probably mini spatulas are more my thing, or seed-ball kits someone else put together.

Paul bought a gigantic cabinet humidifier for the house without discussing it with me. It is like having a couple of large fans on, and I am experiencing noise fatigue. Also: it woke me up before 4:00 this morning by cycling on and off every few minutes. I would start to drift back to sleep and then the fan would vroom back into life; I would start to drift off again, and the fan would shut off abruptly into silence. Eventually I unplugged it, but at that point there was no hope of getting back to sleep. Paul investigated and found that the water bin wasn’t installed quite right. I feel like when a huge loud appliance encounters an issue, it should not KEEP LOUDLY TRYING EVERY FEW MINUTES FOR HOURS. I FEEL LIKE AFTER A COUPLE OF UNSUCCESSFUL TRIES IT SHOULD SHUT THE HELL OFF AND FLASH A LITTLE ERROR LIGHT OR SOMETHING.

Suddenly it’s ten days until Christmas and as usual I feel caught off-guard. Most of it will get done “automatically,” in the sense that stress and necessity will drive me to, for example, wrap all the presents sometime between now and Christmas, and I don’t feel as if I need to actively plan for that.

But also: I still need the small coworker gifts (sometime between 2022 and now I stopped using a hyphen in the word coworker, and it made it nearly impossible to search for that post), and I don’t have any good ideas this year, or at least not for anything I can get here in time. I can fall back on the “festive baggie containing a cocoa packet and a snack-pack of cookies and a foil-wrapped chocolate,” so that’s fine, stress-wise, but it would be nice to think of something more fun/interesting. On Wednesday I’m going to Trader Joe’s; maybe this year everyone gets one of the giant foil-wrapped chocolate coins. No one cares. Anything is fine.

I also need to buy a Secret Santa gift for one coworker, and I do have an idea for that, but I need to go to a physical store to get it, and it might not still be there (I should have bought it when I saw it) (it’s a cozy blanket) (I’m not saying it’s a fresh original ultra-personalized idea, but I AM saying this is a blanket that was fought over at a swap where no one ever swaps because everyone is worried about hurting everyone’s feelings) (I did not win it, and I KNEW I wouldn’t win it, so I surreptitiously took a photo of the fabric tag and I TRACKED IT DOWN and bought myself one) (it’s a Nido Notte throw, if you’re interested) (I found it at HomeGoods/Marshalls). If I’ve waited too long and the blanket is gone, I am screwed. …No, I am not screwed. Everything is fine. She doesn’t truly deep-down care what I buy her. I can pick anything, even a bad gift, even a gift-manufactured-only-to-be-a-gift, and it will still be fine.

And I’d like to buy something for Edward’s infusion nurses. We see them every 4-6 weeks year after year, and my favorite is to bring in a couple of big shopping bags of individually-pre-wrapped snacks (cookies, crackers, chips), and individual canned/bottled coffee drinks, and candy, all of which they can keep for themselves or put in the break room or whatever. Edward is going for an infusion this Friday, so I need to get that together by then.

And we have connections to a kid who could use a boost, and I am trying to figure that out. By kid I mean a 20-year-old, a classmate of the twins. Elizabeth alerted me to the kid’s situation; the situation is both dire and hopeful. I think I can summarize without violating privacy, by saying this is a kid who came from a conservative Christian household that had become increasingly abusive, and the kid has escaped, but it meant sacrificing both home and college. The kid is doing an impressive job figuring things out on their own: job, rickety used car, various places to stay—but you’re an adult, and you can imagine trying to pay bills with an entry-level job, and you can imagine trying to live in a great-aunt’s/cousin’s/friends’ guest room but not wanting to overstay that welcome. It’s hard to find just the right care package that says “Gosh I wish everything was different for you,” so that’s not the goal; the goal is to say “Hi, here are some baked things at a festive time of year OH GOD I WISH EVERYTHING WAS DIFFERENT FOR YOU and also here are some festive candy canes and a lip balm and a peppermint hand lotion PLEASE BE OKAY and some jolly mittens and warm socks!!” Also I am going to figure out a way to send some anonymous cash.

This feels like an awkward segue after that last paragraph, but I tried to rearrange and that was even worse (“I need something for this desperate kid, and also a Secret Santa blankie!”), and I do still truly wish to know what is still on your to-do list. And if you have any ideas for my coworkers. There are nearly twenty of them, so I am looking in the $2-3 range per person, which is a difficult range for satisfaction and joy, so I am aiming merely for holiday good will and festive gesture.

This is a very pared-down version of the post I used to do. I used to have lots of fun looking for a lot of calendar options for lots of different people/rooms (the kids’ rooms, the kitchen, next to my computer; also gifts for various people). Then that stopped being fun for unknowable reasons, and the kids lost interest and I started needing only one calendar just for my kitchen (perhaps these were the unknowable reasons), so I decided to stop doing the calendar post entirely—i.e., no calendar post at all, because who wants to just look at only the calendars I’M considering for MY KITCHEN? Then I started doing a post of just the calendars I’m considering for my kitchen. And now there’s been another step down, and this post is basically “Which of the calendars I’ve bought in previous years for my kitchen will I buy again this year for my kitchen?” Onward:

(image from Amazon.com)

Feline: Terry Runyan cat calendar. I’ve had this one either once or twice before. I liked it and might very well buy it again.

(image from Amazon.com)

Esté MacLeod calendar. I’ve had this one either once or twice before. I liked it and might very well buy it again.

(image from Amazon.com)

Kate Heiss wall calendar. I had this one in 2025. I liked it and might very well buy it again—except that I feel a resistance to having the same calendar two years in a row. But I still want to put it into my cart and think about it.

(image from Amazon.com)

The Illustrated Animal Kingdom calendar. The main thing that stops me from buying this very satisfying calendar a second time is that I can’t tell if this is maybe the exact same set of pictures I had last time. It’s certainly the exact same cover. (I just compared notes, and I can’t say for sure because the one I had in 2024 only shows ten of the pages on the back—but eight of the ten from 2024 are duplicated on the 2026 calendar.) Also: my grocery store has this calendar for $9.99, so I am not sure where Amaz0n gets off selling it for $19.73. Being able to buy it from my grocery store instead of from Amaz0n is a point in its favor.

(image from Amazon.com)

Joyful Landscapes calendar. I keep adding this to my cart each year, then feeling funny about it and removing it. Theoretically it’s what I like, but. I guess it feels as if it is trying too hard to be what people like me would like.

(image from Amazon.com)

Colorful Landscapes calendar. Same deal as with Joyful. I keep thinking “Oh, this is extremely my thing!,” and then having second thoughts. I guess I must feel seen but in a bad way.

(image from Amazon.com)

William Morris calendar. Basically wallpapers. I have had several such calendars and they have all been surprisingly satisfying and peaceful.

(image from Amazon.com)

Flora & Fauna calendar. I mean, basically that is what I want. Flora. And/or fauna.

(image from Amazon.com)

GuassLee cat calendar. I have not had this calendar before. But I do have this cat.

(If you want to be calendar twins with me this coming year: I published this post, and then proof-read it and tested all the links, and while doing so decided on the Esté MacLeod.)