Fuck! You left your I.D. card in your computer
One minor mistake triggers cascading operational collapse
| CARVIEW |
“It’s funny and says what a lot of us can’t really say out loud but are totally thinking.”
— ISAAC
“The real news sounds like satire, and I appreciate that y’all are out there skewering it in sharp, funny ways.”
— EMMA
"[They] do God’s work and I’ve been enjoying it for at least a decade.”
— RUSS
One minor mistake triggers cascading operational collapse
Course promises senior leaders ‘complete narrative dominance’ and zero accountability
Defense secretary reportedly cites ‘global lack of standards’ as destabilizing force
White House sources say ‘bombing foreigners’ remains preferred transparency substitute
Marvel says former Venezuelan leader brings ‘authentic menace’ to next film.
President says wall ‘needed a winner’ and ‘a little more gold’
Administration says it has ‘learned valuable lessons’ and ‘stopped pretending’
President says deal would be ‘tremendous,’ ‘very fair,’ and ‘honestly a win for everyone’
“We’re working hard to make the SIPR sites you need the most confusing piles of shit imaginable," an official said.
Notorious home invader finally neutralized in Christmas Eve strike, officials say.
Pentagon staff unsure whether to update safety briefs or call a meteorologist.
Pentagon confirms use of 47,000 troops, 92 aircraft, and 13 general officers to oversee the operation.
Critics question strategic value of switchblade diplomacy.
“Unless it tastes good or looks cool, I am completely out of fucks to give,” said one citizen.
Defense Secretary insists he's “ready if they need me."
Midshipmen say the rainbow dolphins “perfectly capture the soul of Navy football.”
Despite lacking a Ranger tab, defense secretary critiques women who earned theirs
Defense Secretary allegedly confused training for a ‘how-to’ seminar.
Admiral also responsible for 90% of what’s wrong with America
SECDEF roots out deep state bureaucrats pushing radical left ideologies of law and ethics.