Nellisms & Life

Since having my son who is now 3 months I have been keeping my eye out on movies that are SUPPOSED to be for kids. I am so  shocked at how violent some of these moves that are rated G and PG are. I’m not sure how much he will remember when he is older but I can’t help but wonder if the audio has an affect? Screams of terror no matter how funny the scene is can’t be good for him! The music that is played in the background… It’s just downright scary and personally I don’t think it’s right for a CHILD! Why do we want to scare our kids??? 

And how about the images? Can they make a ghost look any scarier? Zombies for kids? Not to mention the underlying messages in some of these videos… Witchcraft, the paranormal and supernatural worlds, sex, parents fighting, even some drinking and smoking. Obscene references that as an adult I find distasteful. This is a excerpt from mpaa.org 

What is the purpose of the rating system?
Movie ratings provide parents with advance information about the content of movies to help them determine what movies are appropriate for their children at any age. After all, parents are best suited to knowing each of their children’s individual sensitivities and sensibilities to pick movies for them. Ratings are assigned by a board of parents who consider factors such as violence, sex, language and drug use, then assign a rating they believe the majority of American parents would give a movie.

I don’t think they are rating some of these properly. Maybe it’s because I am a new mom and I’m over protected but seriously if we as parents let our children watch some of this GARBAGE from such a young age is it any wonder that they are unaffected by the presence of God??? They see the supernatural world in many TV shows and movies! It is scary how enthralled this world is with this subject! There is only ONE way to the supernatural. It appalls me that some of these movies that are rated G and PG are for ages  under 13! 

I have been asking myself as I’ve seen some of these films… is this beneficial to my child? Will my child be improved by this experience? Will the sounds give him nightmares??? No child should have NIGHTMARES because of a movie they saw! Even Disney movies often have a sad and tragic death of a parent or pet or sibling. WHY??? What’s the purpose? It surely can’t help a child’s mind!! Not to mention the violence! I understand that some of it is meant to be funny and it is TO ME… but to a child, I just don’t get it. 

I am not trying to be super weird mom or super spiritual but I believe that all this has lasting effects on children. What they see, what they hear… For now I think I’ll stick to Baby Einstein and Veggie-Tales! And Adventures in Odyssey and McGee and Me. Call me old fashioned but is it ever too early to start teaching “whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things”… 

As a new parent, perhaps I’m over thinking or going overboard. But it scares me the “entertainment” that is available to such young and impressionable minds. 

Peace

Yesterday I had 2 fillings done in my mouth. Have I mentioned that I HATE going to the dentist. I get so nervous and anxious that they have to give me medicine to calm my nerves. That poor doctor probably thinks I’m a nut case! But I did notice something about this office…. They listen to you when you talk! So yesterday when I went in they asked how Easter went and what songs I had picked for Praise & Worship, how the songs went, etc…

I thought that was pretty commendable. I liked it because I didn’t feel like just another person, but it got me to thinking… Do I pay that much attention when people are talking to me? I’d probably say no. But an old song came to mind this morning “They wont care how much you know until they know how much you care”. This should be something I work on. I need to listen to people, to remember what they tell me… to build a rapport with them. After only 2 visits to this Dentists office they knew my name, how to say it properly, my interests, my likes, dislikes, why I got so anxious, how to calm me down…. Of course I do talk a lot when I’m nervous so that may be part of it but they still retained what I said. I’d like to have that ability. To speak with someone and retain what we talked about so that next time we talk I can make that person feel just as special as this Doctors office made me feel!!! There are too many people that feel like they are ALL alone in this world. No-one pays attention to them, no-one to tell their secrets to, no-one to make them feel special… If all it takes to make someone feel special is remembering what you spoke about then I need to start remembering! And that’s all I have for right now. Be Blessed!

Today my heart, thoughts and prayers go out to the R.Kent Smith family. I’ve watched the last 36 hours on Face Book in what felt like slow motion. I have no children as of yet so I do not know the pain the they are feeling. I can’t even begin to understand the emptiness they must feel. There are no platitudes that will make this better, I don’t know if time heals, nor do I understand why it happened.

In the middle of this horrible tragedy I noticed once again that the family of God stood up, took notice and went to their knees in prayer. I cannot imagine living my life without my brothers and sisters in the Lord. It’s beyond my comprehension how people make it when something like this happens and they have no support, no love, no prayer. I know I need the family of God! It’s nice to have someone rejoice with you when you are happy….but to have someone grieve with you when you grieve is priceless. You can’t put a price tag on the peace of God, that you know didn’t come from your prayers but from those that are praying for you.

Now we are no longer praying for a miracle but for those that are left behind to deal with the sorrow and emptiness of a life that was taken much too soon. The outpouring of love that is being given to the Smith family from both far and wide is yet another reason why I am so thankful to be a part of the UPCI. It truly is the greatest fellowship to be a part of. In the days to come there will undoubtedly be many days of grief for all who knew the precious child, but I have no doubt that the family of God will stand in the gap for them. 

May the peace of God comfort all those that need it.

Pastor has been teaching on the dimensions of man. There are 7. 1 is like a snail. 2. A dog. 3. a basic human. … etc… I think he said to be a 5th dimensional person you MUST walk with God!!! Of course it is 1AM in the morning and that’s usually when my brain is the most active!

For the last hour or so I’ve been watching clips of preaching and singing. Bro. Ewing, Bro. G.A. Mangun, Bro. Pugh… Without a doubt these men WALKED with God.. Day in and day out. We all (or one would hope) that we all pray “God please let me be like that”!    “Let me touch people with the gifts you’ve given me”!  But we also know “Private prayer equals public anointing”.  I want to be like those men! Like those great ladies that I look up to! That I have looked up to for years… tried to sing like… How can one person move thousands of people to tears by singing a song? Is it “just” the Holy Ghost that is within each of us and that permeates the room? And please don’t look at that as demeaning the Holy Ghost.  Yes, everyone that has the HG is anointed.. But to have THAT KIND of anointing, I think a “little” extra work, prayer, fasting, everything goes into it.

So why then, when I feel the call to go pray or read my Bible or spend some time with God alone, without any distractions… do I resist??? I mean no disrespect, but these men are gone. They have their reward! They are where we WANT to go…  What are we waiting for? Who in my generation is going to pick up that burden? Who is going to pick up that anointing? Please don’t misunderstand this post.. I’m not trying to preach at you… I just know – “we” have lost some incredible heroes in the last 5 years or so – If I set down and really think about it… Really think about my prayer life, my Bible reading, my walk with God I begin to wonder if I am ready for all that I want God to do in my life! Yes, I believe that their are great things in store! Yes I believe the dreams I’ve had! Yes, I believe!!!!! But… and that’s where I get stuck. But.

But GOD I’M NOT LIKE THOSE PEOPLE!!!! BUT God if you REALLY KNEW ME!!!! But God …. And then I laugh at myself because if anyone really knows me, if anyone knows my doubts, my fears, my HEART, it’s GOD!!!!!!   So I have to keep pressing on – keep trying. Keep picking myself up. Keep walking. Keep Praying Danelle. Keep fasting…. Keep believing… Because – a 5th and 6th dimensional anointing doesn’t happen overnight!! It takes time and work and effort, and prayer and more prayer and more and more. Right?!  I often time think that we are the ones that hold ourselves back! No one else is doing it, God certainly isn’t doing it… But our own doubts, fears, and buts.   Lately I’ve been so down on myself. Thinking I don’t pray enough, read my Bible enough, do anything enough … But that only led to me shutting myself down and not allowing God to speak through me at all. My heart often gets filled with the But God’s, what ifs, I don’t think….  But WHY think about it, dream about it, pray about it if your not gonna follow through when God says go???

With my whole heart – I want what God has for me! I think I sing almost non-stop. In my heart, in my mind, out loud. From the time I wake up to the time I go to bed I have a song in my heart. But I know that alone is not enough. I know the Holy Ghost keeps songs in my spirit. But I long for that deeper…. that level… And I know there is no secret ingredient to “getting it” either. I want to be ready when God says “ok, who’s ready”?  I want to be the annoying kid in class that’s always raising her hand!!! Me God!!! Pick Me!!!!! I’m ready!! Pick Me!  ….. So I think maybe this post was me kickin’ myself in the seat…

Listen to that inner voice…. Go pray when you feel it, read your Bible EVERYDAY!!! Don’t take a summer break from God.. sigh… I am so jealous of all those that have gone on before me! They have MADE IT!  They are WITH GOD .. RIGHT NOW !!! and probably if God let’s them see me typing this laughing their heads off…. but I think I hear voices of those who’ve gone before. They’re cheering me onward, onto Heavens golden shore, their saying don’t give up! Child keep pressing on! It’s gonna be worth it all when you see your brand new home!  ”  One of my favorite quotes is “If the position is assigned by God, then the anointing to function in that position is given as well”. But anointing costs obedience. So I suppose my level of anointing is directly affected by my level of obedience….

No more buts!

Although the title is not that original… This has been on my heart lately. In my personal devotions it has been the main theme! Then today Pastor got up and preached about “Jesus in a Garage Sale”. You would have to get the tape to understand – But basically the thought (in my mind) was keep Jesus precious!!! Don’t let the way that you change – change how you see Jesus. I have to say that it really touched me.

The other day I picked up the Word and began to read about Job… there are times that I think “hey!! Hellloooooo God!!! Where are you?? What are you doing?? What is going on here??” And I can find myself having a pity party about the situation I am in. So I finally got sick of feeling sorry for myself and read about Job. My “woes” are NOTHING compared to what he went through! As bad as it may get I still have a loving husband who is kind and prays for me. He doesn’t shun me and say well God just doesn’t love you anymore Danelle – Lets give up and never go back to church. I have a roof over my head, clothes to wear, food to eat… I am truly blessed!

So I was reading and then I came across several verses that really stuck with me (some of this is paraphrased)  – While Job was pleading his case to his “friends” he mentioned several times “If only someone would give me a hearing” If only someone would listen to me plead my case! I would sign my deeds on a poster, sign my name to it and walk around town! If only Someone would give a hearing!  Let God weigh me in honest scales and he will know that I am blameless— Well pity party or not … this definitely got me to thinking… I DO NOT want my deeds written on a post for the whole world to see!!!  I began to feel conviction pierce my heart… I am not nearly as “righteous” as Job, so why do I get a self-righteous attitude?  I don’t even compare to him!  In my mind I think like Psalms 5 ” My sin is EVER before me”.

So after that I began to think about the grace of God … It is only because of his great love and his sacrifice that I can even speak his name! Much less come into his presence! I began to hum the tune of Amazing Grace… And to actually feel that it WAS still amazing!! I may have lost sight of it for a while… May have taken it for granted .. may have not really wanted to think about it… But when I took the time to THINK and Remember everything that grace has kept me from… Well, how can it NOT be amazing!? It’s like Pastor said today – do you see Jesus so often that you start to not really Him? I don’t want to be that person.  I want to take the time to remember! Take the time to really SEE Him!

I have got to have grace! I have got to have mercy! If I don’t …. I am hopeless. Sometimes I wonder if people really think that about themselves and their lives… You can’t fall back on talent – Not to mention, you only have talent because God gave it to you. Do we really believe that we are nothing without God? Really? Do we really believe that Grace is still amazing? Or is it just a song we sing but have no testimony of that grace? Is grace and mercy “old hat”… Heaven forbid that we go about our daily lives and no one even thinks that we might be a Christian… I want God to shine in every part of my life and I want to work for him and do what he wants… I want to be busy in his kingdom… But I don’t want to lose sight of His Grace!  Amazing Grace is Still Amazing!!!

This song has been on my mind lately.. Every time I sit down to play the piano, I end up somewhere playing this.

Give me clean heart, that  I might serve thee. Lord fix my heart so I can be used of thee. Though I’m unworthy of all these blessings…. Give me a clean heart, give me  a clean heart.. And I’ll follow thee.

I try and make sure I pray every day Psalm 51:10 Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.  Even if I don’t think I’ve sinned.. .I would rather be safe than sorry.

Our Pastor preached a phenomenal message last night about repentance. I want to have a repentant heart! Who am I to think highly of myself? I am no one without God! I can tell when people think too highly of themselves and it kinda disgusts me.. I would hate to make other others have that reaction to me!!  Give me a clean heart oh God!!! Don’t find ANY wicked way in me!

Pastor pointed out that the repentant heart feels the presence of the Lord – God draws near to those with a contrite heart – That really makes me want to have that kind of heart! To be able to feel the presence of Jesus every day?!?!?!  To feel Him when I wake up, when I go to sleep, when I’m at the grocery store… I want to be able to feel Him!

Psalm 34:18
The LORD is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit.

Psalm 51:17
The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise.

Isaiah 57:15
For thus saith the high and lofty One that inhabiteth eternity, whose name is Holy; I dwell in the high and holy place, with him also that is of a contrite and humble spirit, to revive the spirit of the humble, and to revive the heart of the contrite ones.

These scriptures are really making me think – Do I sincerely have a contrite heart? How do I keep a repentant heart? How do I keep a sincere heart … To be honest sometimes it is difficult – I’ve noticed with myself – church becomes old hat, another service … well, ok I guess… Not wanting to be involved, not wanting to go to functions, not wanting to do anything!!! That is not a sincere heart!!! Well.. unless you say .. I sincerely do not want to do anything!

In order for me to keep a sincere heart – I have to keep my relationship with Jesus Christ fresh!! I have to pray even when I don’t feel like it! I have to read my Bible even when I would rather not!  And if I do those things then somehow I end up feeling better!

In order to keep a CLEAN heart – which is kind of but not really the same thing… however keeping a clean heart helps to have a sincere and repentant heart!  Turn off the radio, turn off the shows, turn off the computer, stop reading so many books that don’t help or add to my life in anyway! This is not rocket science! It’s all been said before, preached before… year after year, month after month! However, doing it is a different ballgame!  All I know is … I don’t want God to turn away from ME!!!! I want to have a good heart – So if I have to through out every book, cd, tape, magazine…. in order to be and feel close to God – then it’s worth it!!

Don’t you long to feel Jesus??  Then won’t you do anything to get in His presence? Wont you give up anything if it means He would show up and “hang out with you”?  If not.. maybe you should think about why. What’s more important than Him?  Is reading a romance novel more interesting to you than reading the Bible? Do you “long” and desire for other things .. but not really for the Word or for Jesus? How long has it been since you felt like you would give up anything in order to be in His Presence … outside of the 4 walls of the church building!  To me the moments I spend with Him alone are at times more precious than when I’m with people, in church.

It’s just me and Jesus.  How long since you’ve wanted that? I’m not trying to preach at you … Just reminding … Maybe think about it – What’s my priorities? What do I do when I go home, when I have free time? I know I get so caught up in life and working for the church that I forget sometimes the God that I am working for! I get burned out! So I take it back to the basics – Create in me a clean heart – that I might serve Thee!!!

This is just my thoughts… no offense intended..  The You is no one person.. Please don’t feel singled out. I ‘m not talking about you.

I can’t believe that people put their whole lives on FB and then wonder why no one is surprised when they tell them something. I can’t believe you would actually say that on FB!!! I can’t believe some of the songs I hear on air one are considered worship music… I can’t believe the people that pass for christians nowadays… I can’t believe that sometimes I am so judgemental.. I mean who died and left me the boss.. I can’t believe I’ve been married almost 4 years… I can’t believe God gave me such and incredible husband.. I can’t believe that people blame God for every little thing that goes wrong in their lives or in the world, I can’t believe how SLOW the service at Johnny Carino’s in Gilroy is,  I can’t believe that homosexuality is ok.. no matter how much the agenda is pushed in my face by hollywood,  I can’t believe that you believe it is!  I can’t believe that you’ve been raised in the glorious truth your whole life and you feel like your missing out on life because .. why?? Oh you don’t have a STD, or your not pregnant or you don’t have hangovers.. or you don’t have to go get an abortion… I can’t believe that you eat that much and then wonder why your overweight!!! I can’t believe that you think life is free!  Or that freedom is free… I can’t believe the shape that our country is in… What happened to America? I can’t believe that we are all so connected to everyone in the world and we feel the need to share information every time something “momentous’ happens.  Or even when you cook dinner, tie your show or go tanning… I can’t believe that I actually care. Omyword!  And I can’t believe that you would come to a pentecostal church and SIT THERE!!!!!  With your arms folded and not move a muscle.. when you have so much to thank God for.. you just sit there and act persecuted because … life isn’t going your way? God is mean? God did it? It’s Gods fault?  But then after service you talk and laugh and its like your a whole other person. I don’t understand that.  I can’t believe that you expect me to talk about my brothers and sisters in the lord with you. I can’t believe that you expect me to understand when you are sinning .. I can’t believe that as horrible as I am God still loves me… I can’t believe that in all my worry I get peace in the midst of life ..  raging storms.. whether they are in my head or in my life .. I can’t believe that I am commanded to pray for those that despitefully use me… I mean doesn’t God know what I’m going through?!?!  I want them to suffer! LIke I’ve sufferered.. I can’t believe God expects better of me…

I can’t believe that I let things get to me so easily.. You do what you think is best and I will pray for you. I will do what I think is best and you pray for me.  I don’t want to be consumed with what everyone else is doing! I need to focus on my life! Who am I reaching? Who am I touching?  What am I doing on a daily basis to get to Heaven and to take someone with me???   I think if I read my Bible and was ALONE with God .. HALF as much as I was on FB or Twitter… I would not have all these feelings.. This is not pointed to anyone .. This is just me – I’m amazed at how I waste my time.. reading updates then saying “well I just can’t believe that”  “I can’t believe how dumb that is” ..  I’ll tell you what I can’t believe.. I can’t believe that despite all my baggage, all my worries, all my sickness, and pain.. and disbelief and judging, and selfishness .. and .. and .. and.. that God would STILL love me.. Still fill me with His spirit. Still … Be there when I need him..  Still expect greatness out of me even when it seems that “everyone else” is getting away with it .. I can’t believe all the chances I get,  and that his mercy is new every day… or how about that one day.. I’ll be with him, and like him!!!!  Can you believe that???

I Can.

Today was a horrible day.. absolutely horrible!!! and I usually try to keep my posts upbeat and funny but I’m just not in the mood… Anyone who really knows me knows that my health is sometimes not the greatest and today is complete proof of that.  I get VERY frustrated at people who have pre-conceived ideas in their minds about what I’m going through, about what I feel, about how I should deal with it, etc… I do the BEST that I can do!!!  I can’t go into great detail on a public blog, but any ladies out there that have Endometriosis know the kind of pain that I’m talking about. It’s not pleasant, it’s not fun and it’s not a walk in the park!!!  It’s all internal issues, however just because you can’t SEE it doesn’t mean it’s not real or it’s not there.  Last night in the middle of the preaching my body decided to go bonkers.. so I left as quietly as I could … Today I went to work and got sent home from work .. and even now I am awake because I feel like my body is having aftershocks… They just decide to hit whenever they want!!! No introductions, no “hey, I’m about to make you miserable for the next however long I decide to stick around”, no invitation, no warning.  I’ve learned to deal with it, to try and live with it. I’ve gotten prayed for more times that I can shake a stick at. And I DO believe in the healing power of God! I have seen it happen too many times not to believe. BUT when is enough enough?!?! Do I keep believing no matter what? Or do I say ” hey we’ve prayed and nothings changed so I’m going to be smart and get this fixed”.   I’m not really asking your opinion.. I guess I’m just venting.  I want children – I want a family.  But in the meantime I want to live – I want  a good quality of life – So I think maybe adoption will be the best route for me. If the Lord chooses not to heal me and I can’t have a baby naturally… I believe that there is a baby out there with my name on it!  Is that faith? I believe it is.  I believe God wants us to live life to the fullest!  So – I have a doctors appointment scheduled in August – I’m hoping for good news – that this can be fixed easily and that I will be able to conceive a child =)  But if it’s bad news.. I won’t hate God, or give up on life or get bitter. It is what it is.  You play the hand your dealt – make lemonade out of lemons.  I’m not asking for your pity … I guess I’m frustrated – I don’t understand all this… But I also don’t want to ask why because I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t get an answer – I believe there is a purpose for everything .. On days like today I have to cling to that belief!!!  God knows what he’s doing… So I guess I answered my own question – It’s faith – it’s always faith – Having faith isn’t stupid. I trust that what will be, will be what God wants specifically for my life… .. Sounds easy enough….  Faith is the substance of things hoped for, evidence of things not seen.