Our Thoughts

The first thing that I share with people when they’re thinking about how to reach millennials is that reaching millennials is impossible. What I mean by that is, if you think of millennials as a homogeneous group of people that have a certain type of thinking, then you’ve completely lost the fact that, within that generation, spans people that are in their lower twenties all the way to people that are in their late thirties. There are people that are married with five children to singles. People that have no college education to people that have doctorates and masters degrees. People that are literally living in their parents’ basement to people that actually have 12,000 square foot homes.

So, when you say “Millennial,” you’re talking about a wide range of people. At the end of the day, when you really want to be effective in targeting, you have to know which Millennial you’re trying to reach. Who is it most likely that you’re going to resonate with? Where are they at socioeconomically? Where are they at in life?

If you don’t understand them and know how to speak to them right where they’re at, then you’re never going to reach them. At the end of the day, the idea of trying to reach every Millennial at the same time is really like trying to boil the ocean. The real key in all of this is understanding the unique characteristics of the people you feel called to reach.

One of the things that’s important to understand is that our role in the consulting process is to reveal things and help churches see things that they’ve never seen before. But we have to do it in an encouraging and supporting way.

One of the ways that I reference that is that I go back to the 7th grade—and who doesn’t remember the 7th grade? It’s like the worst time in your life. So much is changing in your life and you don’t know which way is up. I literally remember being in the 7th grade and I’m sitting in the front row of the class—not because I’m a front of the class student, but because I’m a back of the class student who gets in trouble and is forced to sit in the front of the class.

So I’m sitting in the front of the class and the girl sitting to the right of me—there’s probably about 30 people in the class—she looks at me and starts laughing. And she turns to the guy behind her and whispers and he looks at me and starts laughing. He turns to the guy behind him and does the same thing. All of a sudden, 30 people, including the teacher, are looking at me and laughing. And the teacher looks over at me, shakes her head, and says, “Richard… Oh, Richard.” And I’m like, “What?! What is this?!” The teacher looks at me and taps her nose. So, I reach up to touch my nose and sure enough… in the 7th grade, I had a booger right there on the end of my nose.

I had no idea how it happened, but the reality of it was that, in that moment, I was devastated and crushed… because it’s the 7th grade! In that moment, I knew that the girl sitting next to me wasn’t my friend. Because a true friend lovingly tells you when you’ve got something on your nose.

And that’s really the spirit of what we’re doing when we’re going in and visiting a church. We’re helping them understand what they’re great at, but we’re also there to, in love, help them understand how to be better. In order to do that, we actually have to tell them the truth about what they don’t see.

I was recently speaking to a group about the dynamic between generations. Really, I was talking to a bunch of Boomers. I asked them what they think about Millennials and it was funny because they started to say things like, “Oh they’re entitled,” and “They’re snowflakes!” They were using all these terms, somewhat in mockery, of this next generation. And I just asked, “Well, what did your parents think about you?”

What’s funny is that these Boomers were hippies! They were pot smokers! You know what I mean? They were “peace and love.” The irony is that they don’t even know how to appreciate the next generation because they’ve gotten to that place in life where they’ve forgotten who they were when they were that age.

So part of how we’re helping churches cross the generational divide is helping them to see the gold in the generation that’s following them. Because when they can begin to see the gold in it, then they can invest in it. And they can begin to pull it out of younger people. Because that’s really what they were hoping that their parents would do for them and often never did.

A factor that is often overlooked by church staff, but one of the most important to a visitor at church, is the Children/Student Ministry. What visitors want to see from Children’s Ministry and the Nursery is twofold—security and genuine care. If their kids have fun, that is the cherry on top. When they drop their kids off, they’re seeking a strong sense that their child will be safe, warmly and sincerely accepted, and seen as an individual child. They want to hear you say their child’s name and see you help the child become part of the group. To them, their child is not just another kid. It’s their kid. They want them to feel special and it speaks volumes if you make them feel that way…but even louder if you don’t.

Not too long ago, I asked some friends who had been looking for a new church how the hunt was going. They responded with how much they loved the ministry of a particular church, but were completely disturbed by how their young children were treated. When they would drop their children off, it was extremely difficult to get the attention of the teacher, and when they finally did, the children were checked in without a smile and “mushed” into the herd. This happened for several weeks in a row, and the same routine happened each time at pickup—only the teacher was not the only one without a smile…the children were equally discontent.

While the pastor preached his heart out and ministry was catered for them, these visitors—who were sure to become workers in the church—could not let their children grow up in that environment. They moved on.

What do your Children Ministries say about you as a church? How are you ensuring that the standards you have in your pulpit clearly exist in other parts of your church?

Here's a truism: people that have had a life-changing experience with God want others to find God in a life-changing way. This is surely true. It is also true that most people that sat in church pews last year never invited one single person to their church. So what is the disconnection?

One of the biggest disconnects we have in the church is that, as leaders, we often forget what it was like to go to church for the very first time. The intimidation factor for a lone visitor in a new church is simply huge. But it is nowhere close to the stress and vulnerability that is put on a churchgoer who invites a visitor. All inviters put their reputations on the line every time they invite someone to church. You can rest assured that your church members will not invite someone if they do not expect a positive outcome. And most of the time, that's why one church isn't growing and the church around the corner is. It has led us to say that "Most Christians are not ashamed of Christ, they are ashamed of their church." Ouch!

I asked a young friend how he was enjoying his church; he admitted that he loved it but was bothered by the fact that the church wasn't growing. I asked him why it wasn't growing; he acted bewildered and said, "I have no idea."

"Yes, you do," I challenged him. "You know why it's not growing."

After a silence, I asked, "When was the last time you invited someone?"

"Well, it's been a long time," he said ashamedly.
"Why don't you invite people?"

He shuffled his feet and said, "I don't know."

"Yes, you do," I said. "The reason you don't invite people is the same reason why your church is not growing."

I could tell that bells went off on the inside. He responded, "Yeah, I know why." He had known it all along. He just had never connected the dots between the challenges of inviting people and overall church growth.

It might be simple. A congregant might be embarrassed about the church decorations, the deep-end-of-the-pool worship, the inexplicably deep or dry sermons or the pastor telling jokes about his wife. The harder it is to invite people, the more challenging church growth is.

You see, I knew my friend loved God and wanted others to experience Christ's love. Unfortunately, most people are not intimidated about being Christians; they are intimidated about inviting people to their church.

The simple truth is that if an invitation is hard to make, for whatever reason, fewer people will be invited. The battle for growth is first fought in the hearts of churchgoers who want to better the lives of those around them. This is actually the desire of the vast majority of churchgoers.

I cannot say this emphatically enough-all true Christians want other people to become Christians. It is planted in them when Christ is planted in them. This means if your church has to beg, push, cajole, offer incentives, or even just remind people to invite others, it is a telltale sign that, for whatever reason, they do not believe the ministry that takes place will make a successful connection with the people they would invite.

This is where the rubber hits the road. Is your church connecting with your community? The main link is through your congregation, and if they think you're not connecting, you won't.

It is no wonder Paul challenged us in advance to "become as one to win one." The ability to relate to our communities and church growth go hand in hand. When a ministry can successfully relate to the people in its congregation in a way that reassures them that their guests will be connected with, the churchgoers will be willing to invite others because they know it will relate to those they invite.

By analyzing the temptations and challenges associated with inviting people to church, we found the following to be true. If a churchgoer can answer these questions positively, then inviting friends and family will not only be easy, it will become a lifestyle. The church will explode with growth! As a side note, my guess is that none of these topics would ever show up on a visitor survey. They require us to look closely in the mirror, as even our closest allies would have a hard time advising us of some of these issues.

1. Will my friend feel welcomed?
   Principle: Hospitality-The atmosphere, nomenclature, and style of service should be inviting and not intimidating to the unchurched.
2. Will my friend fit in?
   Principle: Comfort and Compatibility-Like it or not, invitations and visitor comfort decrease when social or cultural gaps exist.
3. Can I feel confident that I know how the service will turn out?
   Principle: Consistency-People need to know what to expect, because they will invite accordingly.
4. Will my friend get something out of it?
   Principle: Relevance-The message should be relevant and powerful for people at all spiritual levels.
5. Will my friend understand it?
   Principle: Understanding-Jesus taught through practical illustrations. The songs and message should be understandable for people at all spiritual levels.
6. Will anything that could seem strange to the unchurched be explained through Scripture?
   Principle: Sensitivity-Scriptural actions should be carried out with clarity and considerate explanation.

Having said all this, I am convinced of one thing. If members walk out of your service saying, "I wish my unchurched friend had been here," they will start to think about inviting their friend. If a member walks out of your service three weeks in a row and says every time, "I wish my unchurched friend would have heard that," nothing will stop that member from dragging that friend through your doors. The challenging thing is that often, when members walk out of churches, the only thing they can say is, "I wish my other church friends would have heard that."
It's time to evaluate. Are we creating an atmosphere that fosters growth or are we just ministering unto ourselves?

Not sure if your church is engaging? Get your Free Total Engagement Score to see where your church stands.