Whisper in the Void

I admit I'm a part of the herd. I'm sick of Blogger and have moved to Wordpress. I've tried to export Blogger into a Serendipity-based blog, but couldn't get it to work. As Wordpress was able to import my Blogger blog, that's where I am. So check me out at my new home. It's still under construction, so please pardon my dust.

Sorry I haven't been around. I haven't felt inspired, and for me words follow inspiration. We've spent time at the beach for the past two weekends, which is unusual for us. It has been very de-stressing. Last weekend our friend Randy came down from Clearwater and we went to Sanibel. It was so awesome to see him again, and we did some sightseeing and drove through Sanibel and up to Captiva. So calm and peaceful. Today we went to Fort Myers Beach for a totally different beach experience. It was crowded and touristy, but still extremely relaxing. My leg is healing nicely. I'm walking normally and able to do some pretty good stretching. I hope to be playing tennis again in a couple weeks. Hope everyone had a great weekend!

Our house has a very casual layout. It's a 2 bedroom, 1 1/2 bath, with a greatroom and a den. We bought a new sofa a while ago, and just this past weekend we managed to find some end tables that we liked. So, for your viewing and/or vomiting pleasure, I now offer pictures of our completed living area. First is the sofa itself. It's not as wide as a standard 3-person sofa, but not as narrow as a loveseat. Chris has always wanted a lounger, and I preferred something with an ottoman, so we each got what we wanted. It's got lumbar support and is very comfy. The picture makes it look pink, and while there's nothing wrong with pink, it's actually a red terra cotta. Next are the end tables. Chris found this library ladder and thought it would be more interesting than a garden-variety table. Although the top is narrow, we plan to add a piece of glass to the bottom step so it has a full-size shelf. I found a small round end table that I liked. It goes well with the ladder table and the copper inlay in the top brings in the green from the chair. And there you have it: our completed living area. You can see from the picture we have a teak bar table behind the sofa. That's our "dining room." Behind that is the kitchen. Other than the den and bedrooms, that's our house. I hope you enjoyed this tour. Please remember to stop by the gift shop on your way out, and enjoy the rest of your stay!

I must say that everyone's responses to my Saturday morning post were better than group therapy. It really helped to know that you were all there, and I got so much input and so many different perspectives on the situation. I can't express how much I appreciate you. I wrote my little post on a whim when I awoke Saturday. I'd had a shitty week, the first full week after the holidays. Everyone around me (at work) was busy getting back into the swing of things, while I couldn't seem to find the energy even to walk onto the playground. I'm going through on an ongoing search for a fulfilling career, treading water at my current position until something else inspires me. Maybe it's the work, maybe it's the people, or maybe it's the environment. Maybe it's a little of everything or something else entirely. In any case, that's what brought on my little attack. I'll be posting some (hopefully) more interesting things this week. We finally got our living room arranged the way we like it, and over the holidays we finished the lattice on the house. I'll be posting about those events (with pictures). We had an awesome day this past Sunday, and that deserves a separate post all its own. Thanks again everyone for your help and friendship. Big hugs!

MiKell's comment to my post on Thursday started me thinking. I swear my brain needs an off switch. That wasn't what I was thinking. I was thinking how some people are truly self-starters, people who see what they want and just do it. My boyfriend is like that in some respects. He's never read a self-help book in his life, yet he's a successful manager of 13 people, is a dedicated and disciplined worker, and gets the job done. He doesn't need 12 steps or 10 days or 7 habits to do what he wants. He just does it. Why do I need help? What is it, what characteristic, trait, or intrinsic feature lets him do what he truly wants to do, while I drag my feet, fret over what I'm not or what could be or what could have been? Somehow I believe that what I need to succeed isn't inside me, but it's somewhere else, in a book, or a pill (another post about pills), or a jump-start or kick-in-the-pants or push-out-the-door. Other people pull themselves up by their bootstraps, while my shoe laces are tied to the chair leg. Someone, please tie me up and beat the crap out of me until I believe in myself. I can't seem to do it by myself.

Kendall had a couple great posts about Mr. Bush's recent speech and the situation in Iraq. Please read his posts. I never could watch Mr. Bush speak without getting nauseous. This week was no exception. Instead of just sitting here feeling my intestines twist into knots, however, this time I'm doing something about it. I've sent a short email to my representative and senators telling them to do everything in their power to prevent Mr. Bush from sending more troops to Iraq. Kendall was good enough to include the links on his website, and I am doing the same. As Kendall said, if you don't know who your congressmen are, the websites will help you find them. House of Representatives Senate Make your voice heard, no matter what you believe.

Some of you noticed my blog was wonky a couple days ago. I made an attempt to move the blog off blogger, and of course blogger wasn't cooperating. After a few attempts, and a lot of swearing, I managed to get it back up and running on blogger. I will make another attempt sometime soon. Not much going on in the void. My routine consists of waking, working, working out, playing Warcraft/watching television, and sleeping. My leg is back on the cold/heat cycle, and I'm doing my best to stay off it even if it feels okay. I'm in another mid-week motivation slump, but doing my best to stay focused and not get too down. Whine, whine, woe is me, [insert favorite pathetic phrase], etc. Nothing new. I am reading a book called "Self-Discipline in 10 Days." It's a workbook, and I'm trying actually to do the exercises. I'll let you know how it goes.

The weather on Saturday just screamed "go boating!" So, we went boating. We prepped the boat, hauled it down to the ramp, and got ready to put the boat into the water. As Chris backed the trailer into the water, I hopped over the tongue of the trailer to grab the dock line. And guess what happened next. Go on, guess. I felt a pop. Fuck! Shit! Son. of. a. bitch. I had re-pulled my calf. It turns out it isn't nearly as bad as the first time. I'm still able to walk 90% of normal. But at the time, it put a serious damper on my spirits. Chris managed to stay upbeat, and he definitely helped me stay calm. Sometimes Chris gets overly cheerful when I get in a bad mood, and that tends to piss me off even more, but that day he didn't do that so as the day went on I got into a better mood. We decided to forge ahead with our plans to go boating. It was about 3pm when we started out, so we took a short ride to Burnt Store Marina for lunch/dinner. As we got near Charlotte Harbour, we saw a ton of sails on the horizon. They looked like white sharks teeth on the edge of the world. As we got closer, we saw a virtual fleet of larger sailboats. They were headed for the marina at the same time as we were, so we ended up entering the marina with a very large escort. We docked the boat and got a great seat at the restaurant overlooking the marina. All the sailboats were just coming in to dock, so we got to watch about a dozen sets of professional sailors dock their boats. It turns out these were all participants in a regatta. It looked like they had a blast, and we had a blast watching them have a blast. The food was great. The view was awesome. The day was perfect (almost). We didn't want to get caught on the water after dark, so we finished our food and headed home. We got home with plenty of time to spare. I put my leg on ice and we relaxed for the evening. That was our Saturday. At the time, I was channeling my mother in a fit of self-pity, but looking back on it, we had a great day.

Cola Boy recently posted about new and interesting ways advertisers are trying to peddle their wares, in this case, "The L Word." His post reminded me of an experience... The Story We have a favorite gay guesthouse in Fort Lauderdale. It's one of our favorite places to stay. It's luxurious, the guests are friendly, the staff is friendly, and it's just an all-around relaxing getaway. On our most recent trip I was talking to the newly-promoted general manager, a cute, 30-something guy who had always been extremely friendly and happy to see us. In the course of our conversation, he mentioned he'd been in advertising, an account manager or something of that nature. Interesting change from advertising to hospitality, probably not that big a stretch, but no big deal at the time. Later that same day I went to the office looking for some bananas (for eating...I'd just worked out at their gym...get your minds out of the gutter!). The manager was there and cheerfully pulled a bowl of fruit from the kitchen and offered it to me to choose what I liked. There was a mixture of ripe and less-ripe bananas in there, and he said, "Do you prefer ripe bananas? I personally like them on the ripe side, a little sweeter." I prefer less-ripe bananas. If they get too ripe, I find their texture too mushy. So I picked a less-ripe one and thanked him and went on my way. Our little conversation, however, had set off all sorts of bells in my head. I felt as though he was trying to pursuade me to pick a more-ripe piece of fruit, and I understand why. If it gets too ripe, he has to throw it out. But I felt as though his little confession of fruit-preference was intended to sway me. It didn't feel genuine. And I began to wonder if his smiles and cheeriness were part of the game or if I were being too paranoid. Somehow, the knowledge that he'd been in advertising had colored my perception of him. The Generalization Have you ever noticed how our society has become an endless stream of advertising? No matter what we do, there's always a sponsor, a banner, a button or patch, a logo, a brand-identification scheme, something intended to make us feel good or bad about one product or another. Something is always there to change or reinforce our perceptions. How it Affects Me The ubiquitousness of advertising has made me very suspicious of anyone or anything affiliated with that industry. Nothing gets me to change the channel faster than Billy Mays' voice. He barely gets through his intro, "Hi! I'm Billy M--" and I have dived (dove? diven? whatever...) across the couch, spilled my drink and elbowed Chris in the stomach, snatched up the remote, and changed the channel. The 700 Club, Fox News, anything is better than Billy Mays. I use Tivo religiously. If I'm watching a program that isn't recorded, I'll pause it to give me a buffer so I can fast-forward through commercials. I pay to listen to satellite radio because I can't stand the endless stream of obnixious car commercials on regular radio. WMMO, 98.9, in Orlando is the only normal radio station I've ever heard that's done commercials half-decently. I wouldn't doubt it if there is a documented psychological disorder related to advertising. Is there an advertising phobia? I might have it. The Conclusion This makes me sound like a jittery, paranoid conspiracy theorist. "Everyone is out to sell me something." Even though everyone is out to sell me something, I'm not really that paranoid about it. The manager at the guesthouse is still a nice guy. I just am a little sick of all the advertising. And I don't mean to offend those of you in the advertising business. We all gotta live. I just think it's gotten a little out of hand. This blog post brought to you by the friendly folks at Joe's Morgue and Clothing Emporium, "You stab 'em, we'll slab 'em! With style!" Buy one, get one free*. Yes, you too can have a BMW for $199/month**. Sorry this got so long. If you've made it this far, you win a free trip to Tahiti***! * Buy one item of $50 value or greater, get one item of $0.50 value or less for free. ** The cheapest one, with a $30,000 down-payment. *** Free for me. You still have to pay for it.

I had a down day today. My job is a pit of inspiration-sucking despair, or rather, I let my job suck me into the abyss. I am contemplating alternatives, but....but but but...but enough about that. I want to make my job work for me. Hey! I said enough about that! Right. I worked out at 5:30pm today. The first time I worked my legs since I pulled my calf muscle. I couldn't really work my calves. I did some calf stretching, and that's about all I could do. I worked the rest of my legs with no problem, so I still got a good workout. I felt much better after the workout. The gym has become my monastery. I feel good after I spend time there. Maybe I'll become a personal trainer. After dinner, Chris and I settled onto the couch for some TV. Lo and behold, "The Producers" was on high-def. We'd never seen it, and frankly it wasn't high on my must-see list. I think I need to rewrite my list cuz I LOVED that movie! It was funny and cute and upbeat and it was just a fun movie. It was fun! I loved it. I had my laptop in my lap, but the screen blanked out from non-use. I was captivated. I was rivited. Thank gawd I could pause it (Tivo) because I had to pee so bad in the middle and didn't want to miss anything. I'm sure a lot of jokes went over my head, me being the non-cultured type, but I still loved it. (I need a seque here) I meditated last night, but tonight I'm too tired. As I write this, I've decided to try anyway. *breathe in* *breathe out* Okay, I'm back. I didn't meditate for very long, but it's better than nothing. I'm up past my bedtime. 'Night all!