| CARVIEW |
A Proverb a Day Devotional & Doodles has been updated! And it’s on sale right now! This is the 31 Days Devotional I wrote and published through The Thinking Tree Publishing Company after living in Ukraine on mission for nearly a year in 2016, and it’s still going strong! God’s word is timeless! If you enjoy devotionals that you can doodle as you study God’s word, with beautiful artwork by Sarah Janisse Brown, founder of The Thinking Tree Publishing Company, the devotional journal can be found on Amazon here: A Proverb A Day ~ Devotional & Doodles Journal.
A Proverb A Day ~ Devotional & Doodles Journal
.
Those in deep, hurtful situations searching for a path of escape don’t think of the path they’re on as suicidal. They simply don’t want to be on this planet because the pain of their circumstances and continually seeing the reminders of the loss of their dream is too deep to bear, whether it is a person, place, or thing. Instead of reaching up and out, they dive inward. They (or maybe I should say, “We”) are unable to mentally process a life without that dream we envisioned as our future. And, trust me; I’m not saying anything here that I have not personally experienced.
For those headed down that deep, dark path, the best thing I can tell you is that if you change your perspective, you’ll change your world.
Yes, there are people who would care less if you were here or not. (There are those who would rather I disappear, especially in my own family!) But I learned years ago that to let the voices of others influence my value system is to let them control me. It also means I am not letting God have precedence in my heart. Most of the time, it’s our thoughts that need to change! Proverbs 23:7a says, “For as he thinks in his heart, so is he.” (Where the mind goes, the man follows.)
“The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven.” -John Milton, Paradise Lost
If you listen to the voices of others, you won’t be able to hear God’s voice. A great example is the Prophet Elijah. In 1 Kings 18, Elijah prayed for God to stop the rain and bring the rain; he fought against Ahab and Jezebel, the worst of his enemies, and finally, he killed the 450 prophets of Baal. That’s a huge undertaking! After all that, in 1 Kings 19, Elijah became depressed due to sheer exhaustion. He had what we call the “fight or flight” syndrome and took off to the mountains, hiding in a cave. When God arrived to check on him, he did not speak through a blow-horn; he spoke in a still, small voice. Are you listening? Being depressed, Elijah whined to God in total defeat after all the miracles he just witnessed! Did God give him the pity party he wanted? No. Depression and defeat tell us that we are all alone, which distorts our reality. God let him know that he wasn’t the only one left. God gave Elijah a dose of reality! As a result of his pity party, God gave Elijah’s mantle to Elisha and gave Elijah the rest he sought after.
Elijah’s rest is what most people who contemplate suicide are seeking. They are crying out for an escape from the pain of the loss of their dream. But is that escape worth it? I’ve heard people say they didn’t go through with their plan for suicide because they lost their courage and didn’t have the “balls” to kill themselves. Well, sweetie, this deception is backwards! Suicide is actually the easy way out of your troubles! Oh, yes, I am fully aware of those rare cases where mental instability was involved, and I believe God gives mercy in those circumstances. But, most of the time, the root cause is a dead dream and self-centeredness. How many times do we scream, “Give me that magic fairy dust!” so we can have what WE want? God never promised us a rose garden, and the evil in this world was not His doing.
Have you thought about the fallout of suicide?
Suicide has affected almost everyone in our society today. At my age, I know several people who have attempted and/or have actually committed suicide. If we have not personally experienced the darkness of it ourselves, I think we at least know someone who has gone down that road. I’ve already written a little about it on this blog, but the subject keeps popping up its ugly head. A 10-year-old little boy committed suicide last month right here in my little town. His hashtag went viral around the world. My husband worked in tech for his funeral and said it was one of the hardest things ever for him to input all the information for the service slides, especially his pictures. I made the mistake of reading a few comments underneath one of the most viral social media posts, and naturally, some of them were horrendous. Most of the comments were accusatory toward the parents or screaming for them to sue the school. Ironically, in the comments I scrolled through, I did not see anyone blaming our society, which would have to include the commenters! Have you watched any of the kids’ cartoons lately? Yes, a 10-year-old has already been indoctrinated into a whole host of evils by our society, in spite of anything the parents did or didn’t do. (Unless people have experience in a matter or are privy to first-hand information in their situation, they just need to keep their mouths shut!) Though it’s horrific for a child to kill themselves, unfortunately, the age group with the highest rates of suicide is 45-54, and more men than women commit suicide leaving behind very hurt and confused children. It’s interesting; that is the age when most begin the empty nest years. And while there are differing circumstances, the one theme that runs through every situation is a sense of hopelessness and loss of value.
I totally understand how a person gets so wrapped up in hopelessness that they find themselves deep in despair. I’ve experienced that kind of despair more than once in my past. And of course, hindsight is 20/20, but suicide is never the answer. The outcome either way brings more trouble than the trouble you try to escape from! Most of us don’t handle loss very well. Whether it’s a financial loss, a loss due to death, or a failed close relationship, we don’t grieve properly. We never learn how to move on. I believe hopelessness originates from situations that we’ve lost control over. It doesn’t matter if it’s a lost job, a lost family member, a lost relationship, or even a lost country where persecution is rampant; we feel we have no control over whatever situation we’re in. So many people wrap themselves up in their job or their kids that when they retire or the kids leave the nest, they lose their sense of purpose and value. They can’t see their lives outside the perimeters that have been their world all these years. If the loss was due to negative circumstances, the pain of that loss runs even deeper. At the root of our persistent control is a lack of faith in God, as we tend to put more faith in ourselves and others than we do in our creator; the “I can do it myself” syndrome. But we can’t, and hopelessness sets in.
So, what about those left behind? While the suicidal person is engulfed in their own little prison, the rest of the world does indeed feel the effects of their actions. The biggest lie of the 1960s was that what you or I do does not affect anyone else. Divorce debunks that theory! But I digress. I have known counselors, teachers, and sponsors who have questioned their ability to help anyone when the very person they were supposed to be helping attempted or committed suicide. And I don’t blame them for quitting. I’ve seen good parents totally distressed at their parenting failures, and good teachers resign due to the guilt of not noticing the so-called signs and blaming themselves for not being more attentive. I also know people who try to grab attention and make the suicidal person’s problems all about themselves, but those narcissistic people are not who I’m referring to here; that’s another whole blog post. We always wonder if the suicidal person would have been saved if someone could have intervened, if only we had known their thoughts. It’s sad that our society is bent on blaming someone—the parents, the classmates, the school system, even the church. Since most people who are serious about killing themselves don’t talk about their plans, how would anyone know ahead of time? In God’s eyes, we are each responsible for our own actions, and not the actions of others. One of the policies in recovery is that the responsibility falls on the individual to reach out, not on the sponsor or counselor. But by human nature, people still blame themselves and everyone else for not seeing the invisible signs, and guilt runs rampant.
And then there’s the trust factor. After a failed attempt, it takes a long time to rebuild trust in that person to be sure they won’t try again. We underestimate just how far humans will go. All means for a repeated attempt need to be removed from the home for a while (guns, drugs, etc.). Repeats happen. Fear of another attempt is not the only trust that needs to be rebuilt. Trust in relationships needs to be repaired. People draw back from someone who doesn’t trust them enough to convey their pain. We all have those three circles (from acquaintance to friend to intimacy) that we put people in. More than ever, someone who is suicidal needs God above all else and a few trusted people in their inner circle. But when a person doesn’t reach out to a close friend or relative due to pride or embarrassment, when they withdraw inward, they end up pushing everyone into their outside circle. A parent feels their suicidal (adult) child doesn’t love or need them and sees their parenting failures magnified. A child feels rejected, unwanted, and unloved by a suicidal parent. A spouse feels like they aren’t good enough to live with. Wanting to leave this earth is saying to the spouse that they desire to leave the marriage, but death is better than divorce. A friend feels their bestie’s friendship is only one-sided. Even when those closest to the suicidal person have the utmost empathy for their situation, it is human nature for those left behind to feel rejected. After a failed attempt, those who were originally in their inner circle will naturally move themselves to the outside circle due to disintegrated trust. Healing needs to come not only to the suicidal person but also to all those who are reeling from lost relationships.
So, is suicide biblical? (This is a Christian blog, so, of course, God’s Word is my basis for everything! **Highlights in color are links to scripture.) Tell me where in scripture suicide is promoted as a viable option. I can’t find it. (Again, I’m not talking about those rare cases where mental illness is involved.) All I see is God saying to be courageous, be bold, don’t give into fear, and have faith! When we place the loss of a person or situation over God’s will for our lives, our hearts don’t belong to Him; they belong to the world. If we adhere to God’s word, Matthew 10:37-39 (among others) says if we put anything above God, we are not worthy of Him. How many of us take those scriptures literally? How can we tell if the Lord is our top priority? If the depth of pain we endure overcomes our willingness to hold fast to the calling God has on our lives, we have put that person or thing over God. We forget to ask the Lord if that person or dream was ever His plan for us in the first place. Maybe it was meant only for a time, and now we need to let it go and move on to our next adventure. Our creator knows what’s best for us and wants what’s best for us! We arrogantly believe we are the only ones who know what’s best.
Tradition says it’s disrespectful to speak ill of the dead, which means everyone goes to heaven, right? While God does look at each situation individually, most theologians (not those “woke” liberal “anything goes” theologians!) believe that those who commit suicide end up in hell. Why? Well, for a couple of reasons. One, because their desires are focused on their past and present physical circumstances and relationships, no matter how difficult they may be, instead of focusing on what is above or who will take them into eternity. Yes, even Christians battle with bouts of depression and thoughts of suicide. The battle truly is in the mind, and we have to constantly renew our mind and keep it in check. God will pull down our strongholds and bring every thought back to Christ, throwing away the lies from the pit of hell and replacing them with truth.
When we ask Jesus to forgive our sins and follow Him (when we become Christians), all our troubles do not go away! In fact, they may even get worse! Life is a constant battle. We battle everything from the alarm in the morning, to our relationships, to our finances, all the way to turning off the caffeine so we can go to sleep at night. The biggest lie anyone can tell you is that when you become a Christian, magic fairy dust will make all your problems disappear. If Satan did not want you to succeed before, he definitely does not want you to succeed when you are following the Lord, his arch enemy! Life is a battle we will never have full control over. Proverbs 27:1 says, “Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring forth.” That’s a good reminder that we have no control over the future, so why worry about it? Leave your future to God and give Him your past. Though He never promised us a rose garden, He promised He would always be with us, guide us, and keep us in perfect peace! When we fall away from the Lord, we open the door for all kinds of destruction. If we have enough patience and wait for the Lord to intervene, He will always provide a way for us to get through our troubles. To follow our own desires shows our hearts are far from Him.
Side note: Since thoughts of suicide indicate a dip in mental health, anyone who is suicidal needs to step away from ministry for a time until they are healed and spiritually restored! This would include pastors, teachers, and anyone in a leadership position. That does not mean they should necessarily be restored to the same position. But please don’t stop going to church or serving! There are plenty of other places to serve besides leadership. Look at it this way: You need help getting your own oxygen mask on before you can help someone else get theirs on. It’s the same policy used for a church leader caught in adultery or theft; they step down. Don’t give up! If we follow the example of Joshua and Caleb, God will restore everything the Devil stole! Let God turn your pain into a testimony that will bring others to Christ!
The other reason most theologians believe that those who commit suicide end up in hell is that there is no chance to ask forgiveness for the premeditated murder of God’s creation, our body, what God calls His temple. Suicide is a spirit of death. Whether a 10-year-old has reached the age of accountability is debatable, and would fall under God’s grace. But if you are reading this, you are most definitely old enough to decipher right from wrong! Think of it this way; if suicide is right, why does everyone keep it a secret? We inherently know that path is not okay with God. Jumping out of the frying pan into the fire will not be the heaven you envisioned! Is eternity in hell worth the easy way out? No, sweetie, it takes balls to wake up each morning and fight through this sin-cursed world. It takes courage to have faith that God is and will be with us through our trials. The thing is, while suicide definitely does hurt others around you, it hurts you even more.
I don’t claim to know all the answers, and this blog is based on my own experience. We are not perfect, and life is not perfect, but we keep going! We don’t give up! Not only that, we forget what is behind, forget about what will never be, and we finish our race!
“But those who wait on the Lord
Shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
They shall run and not be weary,
They shall walk and not faint.” ~Isaiah 40:31
“You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You.” ~Isaiah 26:3
.
References for scriptures used:
.
ABC’s of Salvation:
That’s all there is to it! You don’t have to get cleaned up to take a bath! When you repent and accept His forgiveness, He will fill you with His Spirit and renew your mind and heart. You’ll experience His never-ending love! You’ll fall in love with Him more and more every day, and your soul will be filled with His peace!! Life is not perfect or fair; people will still be imperfect, but you’re never alone, and you know that you have a father who really loves you!
.
**Highlights in color are links for more information.
.
We are not going to agree with everyone simply because we are humans. We do not know everything and never will, so long as we are in our mortal bodies. Why, there was even a time when highly intelligent doctors believed a body could be healed by attaching leaches to the person! Oh, how far we’ve come! But we have a very long way to go. For anyone who insists their view is set in stone, be careful that God doesn’t pull you off your pedestal! Even I have changed over the years as I’ve grown closer to the Lord.
Our church has had a woman speak on Mother’s Day for several years. Amid much controversy that has diminished the honor of mothers, I just wanted to skip the holiday. The complaints had dwindled until last year. The beautiful lady who was to speak lost her father shortly before, so one of the pastor’s wives stepped in. In the fall, they gave her a spot to make up for her loss. And oh, the judgment flew out of the woodwork for having a woman on the platform, and not on Mother’s Day! Oh, the horrors! This year, our lead pastor (a man) will be delivering a typical Mother’s Day message titled, “Women Matter!”
I saw a post on social media about this very thing, embellishing on the controversy. Well, it was actually one of many I’ve seen over the years. The saddest comment was from a young man: “Are we going back to covered heads? How deep do you go? This is the type of stuff that makes me want to run the other direction.” Whether we agree or not, this is why Satan wins every time we publicly argue over doubtful things. Sometimes, I just want to scream, “It’s NOT a salvation issue!!” Not only does the argument cause division, it’s a bad witness for Christ. This division puts stumbling blocks in front of those who are young. (See Romans 14, especially Romans 14:1 and Romans 14:13)
We will not see civil debates or unity in the body until people stop listening to their favorite YouTube pastor, loudmouth relative, and we get into the Word ourselves to do our own research. And then we still need to go back to the Holy Spirit as the ultimate litmus test! I’ve seen people knock down ministers (which is unbiblical; see 1st Samuel 24, 1st Samuel 26, and especially, 1st Samuel 26:9) that go against their narrative, then turn around and defend their position based on preachers they insist are “sound” biblical teachers. And yet, a quick Google search will bring up horrible claims about those very “sound” biblical teachers they defend. Be very careful who you follow and/or defend! Stick to the Bible; it’s safe!
Most of the arguments to forbid women from speaking in church or teaching over a man are extracted from 1st Corinthians 14:34-35 and 1st Timothy 2:11-12. And yet, there are all kinds of examples of women prophesying and in leadership positions! Now, a woman speaking and a woman taking headship of a church are two different positions and a completely different discussion. Rather than me taking up the space and relaying all the research I’ve done the past couple of months, and if you want to take the same nerded out rabbit trail as I did, listed below are tons of articles giving historical as well as linguistic arguments that give evidence to the other side of our traditional consensus of suppressing women. I have not listed the articles that give surface conclusions about these passages, since the loudest voices have already shoved those teachings to the forefront. Most of the articles that make their way to the top of any search engine are anti-woman. Though, if you have access to the internet, it doesn’t take long to find arguments on both ends of the spectrum. What I looked for were two things: if they researched back to the original Hebrew or Greek language, and also if they were schooled in cultural history in both Jewish and Gentile societies. Two theories I found interesting are the possibility that the texts could be either an interpolation or a quotation. That’s a rabbit trail I’ll save for later!
So, for the past few months, after taking a deep dive into what the scriptures actually say, I’ve reached the conclusion that we’ve been fed a bag of dirt. The subject is fiercely admonished on both ends of the spectrum! Be open to the Holy Spirit. Be open to change if the Lord gives you His eyes. I’m not going to argue my beliefs; I’ll let you do your own research and come to your own conclusions. Let’s not be arrogant, domineering, or abrasive in our speech. But if God gives a woman a Word, woman, rise up and speak!!
“There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” ~Galatians 3:28
So, what do you think? Should women preach or even speak in church? How about on Mother’s Day? Oh yes, this is definitely a hot button issue! Remember, this is NOT a salvation issue! If a woman gets up to “preach” and you are stuck in the middle of the pew, just think of her as your elderly grandma who came to give you God’s grace and wisdom! Our main focus should be on salvation because time is short!
ABC’s of Salvation:
That’s all there is to it! You don’t have to get cleaned up to take a bath! When you repent and accept His forgiveness, He will fill you with His Spirit and renew your mind and heart. You’ll experience His never-ending love! You’ll fall in love with Him more and more every day, and your soul will be filled with His peace!! Life is not perfect or fair; people will still be imperfect, but you’re never alone, and you know that you have a father who really loves you!
.
**Highlights in color are links for more information.
.
Articles and Books I Recommend For Further Research
Articles on Women in Leadership Roles (listed alphabetically):
Articles on Translation, Interpolation or Quotation, and Grammar Errors:
********
He who passes by and meddles in a quarrel not his own
Is like one who takes a dog by the ears. ~Proverbs 26:17
Haven’t we all butted into a conversation we were not invited to? The conversation usually goes sour, doesn’t it? We end up putting our foot into our mouth because we never have the whole story! There are always two sides! I learned a long time ago, it’s much easier to stay out of someone else’s business and not to repeat something (gossip) that I had no part of, than to have to go back and apologize all the time.
I have a relative that recently threw out some false accusations about a situation where he was not present and had never asked anyone what happened. His information came from someone whom he had just prior to that situation caught in a false accusation! Now, why would my relative believe anything that person said as gospel when he himself caught that person on a prior false accusation? Because we humans tend to be drawn to and believe the negative, especially against people we don’t like or are in competition with.
Betrayal and getting stabbed in the back hurt when the falsehood comes from an acquaintance, crushes when it comes from a friend, and destroys when it comes from a relative. Gossip destroys.
Why do people (yes, especially so-called Christians) stick their noses in other people’s poop? Why do even Christians feel the need to spread stuff around that they know will hurt others? Two reasons: 1. Pride and arrogance in thinking they are more righteous than others, and 2. Revenge, and believing they will straighten people out by taking matters into their own hands, not realizing that God will always put the gossiper in their place!
Proverbs 26 begins with verses 1-12 admonishing a fool, then verses 13-16 describe the lazy man (or woman), and verses 17-28 describe the destruction caused by gossip, which are lies (and I might add, liars go to hell). It would seem that the chapter should be separated into these three different sections. Yet, they actually do go together! We are fools when we fly far from God’s precepts, when we are lazy, and when we use our tongues to hurt others in order to build ourselves up. God’s word is genius. God’s word flows together into every area of our lives. Yes, it is possible to live right with only the Ten Commandments, but thankfully, God gave us a whole Cannon to explain to us dumb sheep how to treat others, and more importantly, to draw closer to the Lord!
Let’s live in love instead of destruction.
.
ABC’s of Salvation:
That’s all there is to it! You don’t have to get cleaned up to take a bath! When you repent and accept His forgiveness, He will fill you with His Spirit and renew your mind and heart. You’ll experience His never-ending love! You’ll fall in love with Him more and more every day, and your soul will be filled with His peace!! Life is not perfect or fair; people will still be imperfect, but you’re never alone, and you know that you have a father who really loves you!
.
**Highlights in color are links for more information.
.
Could we be seeing prophecy unfolding right before our eyes?
Could this be the prelude to the infamous war of Ezekiel 38? On Oct. 7, Shabbat, the last day of Sukkot, while the tiny little country was dwelling safely, they were attacked by land, sea, and air by Hamas, an evil demon funded by Iran, formerly Persia, with over 1,300 dead and hundreds missing or kidnapped, and that number is rising.
Isn’t it ironic that this attack comes on the heels of the 50th Anniversary of the Yom Kippur War of 1973? God intervened then and He will again!
In Genesis 12:3, Genesis 27:29, & Numbers 24:8, God said He would bless those who bless Israel, and curse those who curse Israel. (Don’t fall for the rising replacement theology!) That promise still holds true today. (Remember, the US Biden Admin gave SIX Billion of our tax dollars to Iran on 9/11/23 , and what happened to the 6 million illegals that have flooded into our country the past nearly three years? Where are they now? )
Could we also be seeing Isaiah’s prophecy unfold? The next day, Sunday the 8th, Hezbollah (also funded by Iran, who is funded by the US) attacked from the north through Syria. Watch Damascus! Israel will HAVE to defend itself to survive. In Isaiah 17, Damascus, the oldest continuous city, will become a ruinous heap and cease from being a city.
No matter what your political stand is on any country or people group, killing civilians in an unprovoked slaughter is against every rule of war and nothing but pure evil. Pray for the civilians in every country, for most have no clue what their governments are perpetrating. Pray for the underground Christians that are being slaughtered daily!
And yet, all this was prophesied to take place at the time of the end when Jesus prepares to return.
Are you ready?
Do you have anyone you need to make amends before facing God?
Which of the 10 virgins will Jesus find you when He returns for His church?
.
.
#prayforthepeaceofjerusalem #istandwithisrael #onlyjesussaves #beready
ABC’s of Salvation:
That’s all there is to it! You don’t have to get cleaned up to take a bath! When you repent and accept His forgiveness, He will fill you with His Spirit and renew your mind and heart. You’ll experience His never-ending love! You’ll fall in love with Him more and more every day, and your soul will be filled with His peace!! Life is not perfect or fair; people will still be imperfect, but you’re never alone, and you know that you have a father who really loves you!
.
**Highlights in color are links for more information.
.
The newest bible thumper nowadays is the “Fruit of the Spirit” found in Galatians 5:22-23. Oh, the twisting is very subtle, just like the scripture Satan used on Jesus when he tried to throw Him off the mountain! Have you had someone falsely accuse you of not exhibiting the “Fruit of the Spirit?”
Be careful with those popular memes! I saw a girl post a picture meme listing the nine “Fruits of the Spirit” from Galatians 5:22-23, and under the meme, commenting that the way to tell if someone is a “pretender” or if they are filled with the Spirit, is not by quoting scripture but by showing the good “Fruit of the Spirit.” She probably still doesn’t have a clue that she contradicted herself by posting scripture as she chastises people for quoting scripture! LOL!
There are two reasons we twist scripture: 1) It doesn’t line up with our own narrative; or, 2) We don’t really know what the Bible actually says!
Where do we get the “Fruit of the Spirit”? From scripture! And who are we to judge whether someone has the “fruits of the Spirit” or is a “pretender”? I need to point out here that no one—and I mean no one—can know the heart of another! (I’ve written about false assumptions several times on this blog.) Knowing a person’s heart is God’s job. But, alas, we humans still try to point out the faults in others in order to diminish the faults in ourselves (Matthew 7:1-5). We’re human.
Social media, especially Fakebook and Instagram, are perfect shields to hide behind. I know so many people who have a presence of goodness and perfection online, but in reality, they despise their mother, father, siblings, etc. (see Luke 12:53). The Apostle John says, “If someone says, “I love God,” and hates (detests or despises) his brother (mother, father, sister, etc.), he is a liar…” (1st John 4:20-21) And also, “Whoever hates his brother (mother, father, sister, etc.) is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him.” (1st John 3:14-15) We should be very careful following people who project a picture-perfect life while criticizing and chastising others. Jesus himself warned us about assuming those people are sweetly perfect when he said, “Woe to you when all men speak well of you, for so did their fathers to the false prophets…” (Luke 6:26-28). Jesus called those kinds of people hypocrites!
While these people on social media portray themselves as ever so sweet, kind, loving, and the best Christian since Christ—behind the façade they are so full of bitterness and hate that their hearts are whitewashed tombs, just as Jesus called the Pharisees! But, even back then, the general public was so deceived by the Pharisees’ virtuous outward appearance that they had no clue their hearts were dead! That’s why the Pharisee and the Sadducee tried so hard to shut him up; Jesus was exposing their true character. The “Fruits of the Spirit” they exhibited were so deceptive the admiring crowds yelled, “Crucify Him!” at their prompting. Of course, the fruits they grew were works based with the wrong spirit behind them. The priests and preachers of today, those who have been entrusted to lead the masses in spiritual matters, are in the same positions of spiritual authority as the Pharisee and Sadducee in Bible times. How many times do we hear of a fallen, very popular, and highly admired priest or preacher? Their secret sins and deception were exposed, and people saw the true condition of their hearts.
Are you really sure anyone has the Godly “Fruit of the Spirit” or if they are “pretenders”? Can you discern the heart behind the fruit? After all, doesn’t scripture say in Matthew 7:15-20, “Therefore, by their fruits you will know them.”?? So it would seem that you would be able to tell if someone is a Christian by all the good deeds they do, right? After all, Jesus said, “Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven.” (Matthew 5:16) So how can we tell if they have the right kind of fruit?
I’m reminded of the prophet, Samuel, when God told him to anoint the next king over Israel. In 1st Samuel 16:7, God tells Samuel, “Do not look at his appearance or at his physical stature, because I have refused him. For the Lord does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” The oldest son was not only capable, but was good-looking too! After God rejected every son of Jesse, Samuel was dumbfounded. Then to find out there was one more, in the field, ruddy, and dirty, and happened to be the one God picked! Jesus said in John 7:24, “Do not judge according to appearance.” How many times throughout biblical history was God’s choice the opposite of man’s choice? Tons! So how can we tell??
According to Matthew 7:15-20, Matthew 12:33, and in Luke 6:43-45, we are known by our fruit!
And yet, in Matthew 6:1-4, Matthew 6:6, and Matthew 6:17-18, we are to do our good deeds in secret! We do not let the left hand know what the right hand is doing!
Again, how can we be known if our fruits are done in secret??
The answer is—we don’t. We leave the judging to God. We are only responsible for our own hearts. Not only that, but we speak His Word, even if those goody-two-shoes people criticize and condemn. Do we speak the truth about sin even when people accuse us of being mean and judgmental? Yes. Do we seek the truth about others, or believe the worst based on one-sided gossip? Seek truth. Do we love those who reject us? Yes. If someone we despise says hello or gives us a gift, do we have the simplest common courtesy to thank them, or do we toss it aside and ignore them? When was the last time you called your momma? ;)
While everyone is focusing on Galatians 5:22-23, where it says, “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness self-control…” You’ve heard the slogan: Just be kind! BUT, we tend to skip over the previous verses, “Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies, envy, murders, drunkenness, revelries, and the like; of which I tell you beforehand, just as I also told you in time past, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.” (Galatians 5:19-21)
That’s where a person will know if they have the Godly “Fruit of the Spirit!” Yes, they may have a great reputation for sweetness and with the perfect online presence, never saying anything against a popular narrative; never lewd, never a murder, no smoking, no drugs or drinking, and never being caught dead at a bar! But, do they secretly hate? Do they push that perfect online presence out of their own selfish ambitions for their own personal kudos? Are they the older brother? God knows their hearts. They may not entertain the worst of sins, but we are all sinners nonetheless. Eventually, God will sift the sheep from the goats. Jesus will be the one to prune the branches, not your uppity keyboard warrior! So give it time. Those who hide secret sins (hatred, jealousies, dissensions, etc.) will eventually be exposed. Even if it takes a hundred years, ultimately, our true hearts will be known.
Until then…
“He who hates, disguises it with his lips,
And lays up deceit within himself;
When he speaks kindly, do not believe him,
For there are seven abominations in his heart;
Though his hatred is covered by deceit,
His wickedness will be revealed before the assembly.” ~Proverbs 26:24-26
“These six things the Lord hates,
Yes, seven are an abomination to Him:
A proud look,
A lying tongue,
Hands that shed innocent blood,
A heart that devises wicked plans,
Feet that are swift in running to evil,
A false witness who speaks lies,
And one who sows discord among brethren.” ~Proverbs 6:16-19
“Judge not, and you shall not be judged. Condemn not, and you shall not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.” (Luke 6:37)
.
**Highlights in color are links for more information.
.
Forgiveness. Do you accuse others of being unforgiving because they have not made amends the way you think they should? (That’s called “projecting”) Have you been accused of being unforgiving because you didn’t simply ignore the wrongdoing? (That’s called “blame-shifting”) Do you harbor guilt from not repenting of your own sins (wrongs against God) and accepting God’s forgiveness? Once you turn to God, HE forgives and restores your relationship with Him, releasing your guilt and condemnation. Any remembrance of wrongdoing after that is for your instruction and growth only. The biblical term “forgetting” in scripture is not to erase His memory in the literal sense, but rather He does not keep an account or seek vengeance for the sin. God is omniscient (all-knowing) but full of grace and mercy. While there will be consequences, the payment was made by Jesus! Even if others do not forgive, God already has, and that’s all that matters! Their forgiveness for you and the restoration of their relationship with you is their responsibility. Let it go. Trust God. You are forgiven! Period. End of story.
God Forgives WAY Before People!!
Scriptures to ponder:
Matthew 18:21-22 “Then Peter came to Him and said, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.”
Romans 5:8 “But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
Romans 8:1-2 “There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has made me free from the law of sin and death.”
Romans 8:38-39 “For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
Have you had anyone throw up in your face that, in order to forgive, you have to forget? I have. Ironically, that “forgetting” requirement seems to only apply to the other person! Non-Christians use a misinterpretation of God’s forgiveness to discount salvation. Satan sure has done a great job twisting scripture to keep us bound up in all kinds of destruction, especially to the nuclear family.
God is a God of reconciliation. The only way to have true reconciliation is to have a healthy understanding of forgiveness. You don’t have to believe me; below are the best explanations for forgiveness I’ve run across. The first is an excerpt from Lesson 12 in the Self-Confrontation manual by the Biblical Counseling Foundation, and below that are fabulous articles taken from the Forgiveness Series found on the Biblical Counseling Foundation’s website: https://www.bcfministries.org/ (on the drop-down tab: Updates & Mailings – Archives: Teaching Articles). They are well worth the time to read. A few years ago, I wrote about forgiveness here: My Thoughts on Forgiveness, but the articles in BCF give much better explanations!
God’s salvation is our only hope for humanity. When we accept Him, he gives us his Holy Spirit to give us peace, teach us a better life, and protect us. To have the Holy Spirit in us means we must practice the “spirit of reconciliation.” Forgiving does not mean we let the offender continue to sin against us, but we take determined steps toward reconciliation and restoration. We do not avoid them or treat them with hatred and disgust in our hearts. Matthew 6:14-15 says, “For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” Romans 12:18 says, “If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men.” God is a God of grace, but He is also a God of truth and justice. He does not emulate one without the other.
True reconciliation is based on open communication in truth and love. “Truth without love is brutality, and love without truth is hypocrisy.” ― Warren Wiersbe. The “love chapter” in 1 Corinthians 13:6 says that “love does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth.” Satan has convinced our society that God’s grace ignores the truth, and that acceptance of people means we have to accept iniquity (sin). God’s will is righteousness through truth, repentance in turning away from sin, and reconciliation for peace.
Blessings!!
~Nora
_____________________________________________________________________________________
Excerpt from Lessons 12 of the Self-Confrontation manual by the Biblical Counseling Foundation:
IV. Does God require you to “forgive and forget?”
A. Scripture says that God’s forgiveness involves remembering sins against you no more (Isaiah 43:25; Jeremiah 31:34; Hebrews 10:17). This means that He will not hold your sins against you since He has cleansed you with the precious blood of Jesus Christ (Romans 3:23-25; Ephesians 1:7; Hebrews 10:19-22; 1 John 1:7).
B. Scripture uses the term “not to remember” as meaning “not to mention or bring to mind” or “not to keep an account.” For example, David requested of the Lord “not to remember” (literally, “not to mention”) the previous sins of his youth (Psalm 25:7).
C. Scripture uses “forget” in the sense of “escaping notice.” For example, the Apostle Paul could remember (bring to mind) his earlier sins (1 Timothy 1:12-17) yet confidently proclaimed “to forget” (“not take notice”) of those things that were behind in order to press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus (Philippians 3:13-14).
D. Nowhere does Scripture require you to have a blank memory about your own sins or sins committed against you. In fact, the memory of certain sins (even though these sins have been forgiven by God) is important for your training in righteousness, to help you not repeat them (for example, notice David’s remembrance of his sins in 2 Samuel 12:13-23 and Psalm 38). The only requirement is for you to forgive others as God in Christ has forgiven you (Ephesians 4:32), even when you clearly remember sins committed against you, which now have no power over you.
_____________________________________________________________________________________
Biblical Counseling Foundation: Archive Teaching Articles:
Article 1 – Misunderstandings About Forgiveness and Reconciliation: “This series of articles focuses on misunderstandings about forgiveness and reconciliation. In this article, we will be distinguishing between forgiving another and forgetting (erasing from memory) what the person did.” … See more here: https://www.bcfministries.org/mailings-archv-teachart.html
What is forgiveness? “The word “forgiveness” means setting aside, sending away (the guilt), and remission of the penalty. God’s forgiveness is an outpouring of abundant grace and mercy that provides pardon to the guilty. Although God’s forgiveness does not necessarily release the offender from the physical or material consequences of his sin, it provides full release from the guilt of the wrongdoing.” … See more here: Article 1, in the “Misunderstandings About Forgiveness and Reconciliation” series from the Biblical Counseling Foundation
Misunderstanding #1 – When I forgive, I must forget: “This thinking may come from a misunderstanding of the statement in Scripture, “And their sins and their lawless deeds I will remember no more.” (Hebrews 10:17). For example, David requested of the Lord “not to remember” (literally, “not to mention”) the previous sins of his youth (Psalm 25:7). In looking at Hebrews 10:17 (which is quoted from Jeremiah 31:34), it is important to note that the word “to remember” is an accounting term… See more here: Article 1, in the “Misunderstandings About Forgiveness and Reconciliation” series from the Biblical Counseling Foundation
Biblical Counseling Foundation
42-600 Cook Street, Suite 100, Palm Desert, California 92211-5143
Telephone: 760.773.2667 – Fax: 760.340.3778 – Website: www.bcfministries.org
E-mail for correspondence: admin@gcfministries.org, E-mail for orders: orders@gcfministries.org
*
**Highlights in color are links for more information.
*
Do you ever have those times when you know God is trying to get your attention? It’s either the weirdest moment, or it’s God talking! I was reading in Psalms this morning, in the 49th chapter, and after one of the verses, a scripture in Job was referenced. So, naturally, I had to check it out, and down the rabbit hole I hopped! I didn’t stay long in Job, since I’ve read that book a dozen times. As per my daily habit, I then finished off with Proverbs 24, since, of course, today is the 24th day of the month.
So, how do I know God was speaking to me? All three passages pretty much said the same thing! Do not be afraid! Do not fret! Do not be envious! I don’t believe God is only referencing people with more money and means than me; I believe He encompasses every area of our lives. It’s so hard to trust God for our provisions, our health, and especially our relationships. But, He always comes through for me. When someone gossips, falsely accuses, and stabs me in the back, my human reaction is to “straighten everyone out” instead of waiting on the Lord for vengeance. The evil is always exposed. The problem is, I’m usually not patient enough to let God handle things in His timing.
This morning, He gave me a reminder that He WILL make all things right… in HIS time! I love that. He gives me peace. I can choose to have joy!
Do not be afraid when one becomes rich,
When the glory of his house is increased;
For when he dies he shall carry nothing away;
His glory shall not descend after him.
The rich man will lie down,
But not be gathered up;
He opens his eyes,
And he is no more.
Terrors overtake him like a flood;
A tempest steals him away in the night.
The east wind carries him away, and he is gone;
It sweeps him out of his place.
It hurls against him and does not spare;
He flees desperately from its power.
Men shall clap their hands at him,
And shall hiss him out of his place.
Do not be envious of evil men,
Nor desire to be with them;
For their heart devises violence,
And their lips talk of troublemaking.
Do not fret because of evildoers,
Nor be envious of the wicked;
For there will be no prospect for the evil man;
The lamp of the wicked will be put out.
Well, it’s been 30 days since my mom passed away. In the Old Testament, God gave everyone 30 days to mourn and then told them to pull up their boot straps and march on! Okay, not quite in those terms, but you get the picture. Everyone mourns differently. I’ve known some who hardly cry and have all their stuff rearranged within a week! And then, I’ve known some who are still mourning, crying, and depressed decades later. Does the way a person mourns indicate the level of love for the deceased? Absolutely not! That’s a misconception. But you can get stuck so that the rest of your life is affected negatively. If you are still reeling from a loss, whether it is from a death, divorce, job loss, etc., there are some great ministries, such as GriefShare or DivorceCare that can help put your life back on track.
Besides my previous blog post (Another Loss), I waited until the 30 days were up before making a social media post for several reasons. Mainly so we could get through the initial family adjustments…and drama. Yes, with every death and birth there will be drama! And it gets worse with each generation as we push toward the end of the age. We shouldn’t be surprised though; all the chaos, hatred, division, and wars were predicted. Jesus quoted Micah 7:6 where it says that our enemies will be members of our own household! The level of offense was also predicted too! Oh, my word! I’ve seen families divide over the most utterly brainless, dim-witted issues! But that’s a subject for another day… How do families change with the death of a matriarch? It’ll be interesting to see where the new lines begin and end with what’s left of the family. It always happens.
Parkinson’s is an evil disease. Based on Mom’s symptoms, her doctor said she most likely had it for decades, but it was not properly diagnosed. Yes, most people know by now that’s the disease that played havoc on her body and especially her mind. Although we don’t totally blame Parkinson’s for her memory loss, she’s had memory problems off and on since the early 1990s, resulting from a couple of concussions and a few other things. Unfortunately, since she was not diagnosed until much later in life, most people never questioned her many inconsistent stories. God always says to never make assumptions without looking at ALL sides. (Deuteronomy 19:15-21, Proverbs 18:17, Matthew 18:15-17, Timothy 5:19) Only a credulous simpleton will define a person or an incident based purely on one account, especially from someone that suffers from confusion. The most destruction to the family is in not knowing when to believe the stories of someone with dementia or when to chuck them up to their illness. Mom came up with the craziest events that, with just a little digging, could be debunked. A lot of gossip and untruths were spread around, ending up hurting those who were the subject of her latest “story,” especially stories about her parents! As with most people with dementia-type illnesses, she could be thoroughly convincing because she actually believed her latest fantasy. I can’t tell you how many times over the years I was accused of never calling my mother, to the point that I started taking screenshots of my call log! One of the biggest and first indicators of dementia is claiming the ones they love the most never call or visit. They become clingy and codependent due to fear, seeing their world shrink in their minds. The last couple of years, dad would argue with her, “Honey, no, it wasn’t; it was this way!” in his futile attempt to keep some sense of normality about him. But, since liars go to hell, do I believe mom is in heaven? Absolutely! I believe in God’s grace and knowing when a disease has taken over and when someone is purposefully lying. About four years ago, well after dementia set in, I asked her point-blank if she loved Jesus. She sat straight up, her face lit up, and she said, “Why yes, I sure do!” I truly believe that was a moment of complete clarity. So, I choose to remember my mom in her earlier days before any memory confusions, the days in which my kids have insignificant recollection.
The most evil are the people who take advantage of the dementia patient’s condition and swindle their possessions. Just know that the wishes you have while your mind is sound will rarely be carried out after dementia sets in. If you want someone to have something, give it to them now. (Of course, the younger generation absolutely does not want our junk! E-Bay it!) Wills are futile. I’ve even seen attorneys take advantage of dementia patients! I’ve seen the dementia patients of my friends and even of my own family being swindled out of this or that. Self-serving con artists come in and sweet talk a dementia patient into giving them things that had long been promised to others, nullifying their pre-dementia wishes. HELL is going to be a lot hotter for those swindlers!
My dad was blessed, though. A lot of patients with memory issues end up grumpy or outright mean…but mom became sweet and humorous (most of the time), though at times she was cantankerous and a major irritant to dad, making us all laugh! Mom’s personality emulated humor. She married a man with the same humor. She taught us kids how to get through life with that humor. But—I know the backstory! Yes, every family has a few! And some closets should remain closed forever. But for the most part, our family is an open book. Well, at least where I’m concerned. If I tried to keep any of my life secret, my siblings would certainly blab it out! But I could tell you secrets about some of my family that would knock your socks off. LOL! Though they know I don’t, and they know I won’t. But, I digress.
So, how do I want to remember my mother? (My dad and Mr. Watson refused to include any of my stories in the funeral eulogies, so I’ll just post them here.) Hmmm… believe it or not, we all remember people differently because we all have different experiences with each individual. My stories of my mom are different from my siblings’ memories. I guess I should back up before her dementia set in to give a more realistic and complete picture of my mom.
Back to the beginning: Born in the late 1800s, Grandma and Grandpa DeWeese lived right downtown. The neighborhood today is pretty rundown. I have a feeling that it was a fairly average, nice middle-class area back in the 1920s when they bought the little house on Main Street. Grandma always kept a spotless house with flowers and veggies growing over every square inch of the small yard and a cellar full of canned jars grown from that little yard. They were proper people, but not stuffy, nor were they vain. Mom had too much spit-fire Irish in her to be too stuffy! She taught her kids (us) the same as her mother taught her (my grandma on my dad’s side also had the same philosophy), that just because you might not be flowing with money does not mean you have to look like trash! Personal upkeep simply shows gratitude to the good Lord for creating us. My dad most likely spent hundreds of thousands of dollars over the years on her visits to the beauty shop every Friday. Her beautician even came to her funeral! I remember back in the 1960s playing under the dryers and watching her hair roll into those crazy beehives! She wasn’t one for manicures, but she always kept her nails trimmed. Growing up, we always wore dresses with stockings when we went out, especially to church! I don’t miss those exasperating stockings, but I do kind of miss how up-kept people were back then, which is way beyond today’s normal. Mom would have never been caught at Walmart in her PJs! Even when she was being silly, she still had her hair fixed and a bit of makeup on. I always admired the way she looked “fixed up” with simply a little lipstick and rouge! Mom, I promise, I’ll never post a demeaning picture of you! (Yeah, I’ve already written about those “bad picture posters” here: Another Loss)
Growing up, I vividly remember my mom staying up nights working on her latest oil painting, sewing costumes for my plays, and making decorating the Christmas tree fun by letting us girls make paper chains and popcorn strings. She always expected the neighborhood friends to hang out at our house (at least she knew where WE were!). You’ve probably heard about all her many talents by now. Until we were teenagers, mom made most of our clothes. I don’t mind if I never see another rickrack! LOL! No, we didn’t have a lot of money during those days, but we always had access to the commissary so we never went without. She sewed our clothes just because she loved to sew! She also sewed baby blankets for all of her grandchildren. I still have the dresses she made for my oldest daughter, Mom’s granddaughter, for a couple of weddings when she was a flower girl. (Actually, those dresses went in the box I just shipped to my daughter. I couldn’t believe I still had those 38-year-old dresses!) When my parents ran the puppet team, she laid out felt material everywhere, and along with my Aunt Sue, they sewed a dozen or more flower puppets, one of which I have and treasure! And where did she learn that skill from? Her mother, my grandma DeWeese!! The stories of mom only having one dress and a pair of shoes every year were rubbish. In all the gazillion pictures of mom’s childhood, she is never in the same outfit. Grandma loved to sew. I still have half of my cedar chest full of items Grandma sewed for me. My fondest memories of my grandma were of her sitting in her rocker with her knitting basket next to her. Grandma even died at her sewing machine! Unfortunately, all those crafty genes bypassed me! I have failed to pass that much-needed craft on to the next generation.
The first decade of mom’s adult life was spent as a Navy wife. We moved quite often while I was growing up. To me, that was just a normal part of life. My dad was gone for most of my childhood, even after the Navy days. In my younger years, he was on base or out to sea for months at a time, and then there was Vietnam… After those days, he worked two and three jobs because men were taught that love was putting good food on the table and a strong roof overhead, not in building relationships, and definitely not in sitting around shooting the bull. (Unfortunately, the average stay in employment in our society today is only six months, quite the opposite of his day!) Through my teenage years, dad worked second shift while I was in school during the day, so I only saw him on weekends. And you can guess who ran the household… yup! That little spitfire, Redhead! But, when my dad was home, the ship he ran was even tighter!!! I have a child who never got spanked, but tells people what an awfully mean parent I was because supposedly I once “screamed” at her, even though she has yelled at her own kids! Well, my mom did more than scream. She also used a belt, flip-flop, wooden spoon, and just about anything else she could get her hands on to wallop us with! (Well, my little brothers hardly got spanked. LOL!! But that’s another story.) BUT… did I EVER accuse either of my parents of being abusive? Absolutely NOT! It’s called discipline, and I’m a much better person for their kind of love, even despite all the other dysfunctions. For that, I’m thankful. No generation is any better than the last. Blame-shifting stunts maturity. Social experts say that while the Boomers and previous generations are marked by materialism and divorce, most from Gen X and younger live in an entitlement, victim mentality. No wonder this earth is such a mess!
I remember a lot during the Navy decade, my early years. One of the funniest incidents was when dad was stationed in Vietnam, mom was sick, and the three of us kids were shipped to Aunt Naomi’s for a month. After she recovered, the military gave dad a week of R&R and flew the two of them to Hawaii, the halfway meeting point, sort of. That was back in the days when proper women commonly wore wigs. She had a blue wig case that was in the shape of a dome. As she was walking to board the plane (also back in the days before enclosed runways when everyone had to walk outside to board the plane), another jet took off a little too close to the airport. The back-draft tore mom’s wig case out of her hands, and it went rolling down the runway! All the available luggage carriers ran, chasing her wig case all the way down the runway!
My parents had one of the rare, long-lasting marriages in today’s world, though it wasn’t always perfect. They separated once when I was 11, and dad moved out. I won’t say why. Don’t we all have our own issues? I remember being crushed when mom asked if I wanted to live with her or him. Maybe she just wanted to get rid of me too! (Mommas, don’t ever give your child that choice! Let them know they have a home no matter what!) But, after a couple of months, my parents worked out their issues, unlike most marriages today (even so-called Christian marriages!) who look at marriage as a contract instead of a covenant, choosing divorce over the hard work to stay together. Dad moved back in, and at the end of that year, here came my baby brother!! The biggest difference in our family was they both gave their hearts to Jesus and started going back to church. “The family that prays together stays together!” Grandma moved in with us in our little house on 31st Street while mom was still pregnant with my baby brother, making us a very full but very happy home! The main lesson to glean from all their troubles is that they kept to their renewed commitment to become ONE, with God at their head. They were almost too mushy-gushy! They called each other pet names of endearment. We should all learn from that example! (My MarkyMark calls me Norabelle!) This last December 31st, they celebrated their 61st wedding anniversary!! That’s unheard of in today’s world! How sad that my parents beat the odds to stay together, yet every one of their children experienced divorce. So is this post TMI? I don’t know. I am now at an age where I am unaffected by what others think. I’m more concerned that my family learns from the past and stops making the same mistakes. Then, when I climb those pearly stairs, I’ll have my kids, my grandchildren, my family, my friends, and my neighbors following me up those stairs… for the opposite is HELL…
I remember my childhood being full of fun and laughter—that is, until my teenage years hit. Even though I had a horrible rough patch (which I’ve already written about), mom and I were very close in those early years, and we had a lot of fun together. There was that time I was on my very first “official” date, only to have the boy take me home to find my mother (my dad not being home, of course) on the back of the couch with a fly swatter in her hand screaming at the top of her lungs! She saw a mouse. The poor boy couldn’t go home until he got rid of it! How was your first date?? LOL!!
But, oh, the funniest incident I had with my mom was the summer of 1981. That was the year my Aunt Kay and her family came for a visit from South Africa. The whole family was gathering at Pendleton Park for a cookout. Uncle Dave and Aunt Sue were there, along with all my cousins and friends! Mom and I were finishing up the side dishes, so we left a few minutes behind everyone. We filled the back seat of my little brown Corvair and put the remainder of the food in the trunk. As I was starting the car, mom closed the hood of the trunk, and somehow she did not get it latched properly. Yes, the trunk of a Corvair is located in the front! So I was driving down County Road 100 from Pendle Hill on our way to the park when all of a sudden the hood popped up, blinding my view! Mom screamed, I screamed, we all screamed! And then the hinges broke, and the hood flew over the top of the car and onto the middle of the road! We both screamed again!! Fortunately, a Good Samaritan in a pickup truck stopped to help the two women who were painstakingly trying to pull the hood of my little Corvair out of the middle of the road! A few minutes later, my 19-year-old self was driving, slumped down in the seat, and praying none of my friends were in the park that day, as mom was waving to everyone like she was in a parade! After everyone laughed at us, Dad, Uncle Dave, and Uncle Mario took off to County Road 100 to drag my poor car hood home.
Anyway, I’ll quit for now. We could all come up with volumes and volumes of stories about my mom!
.
So, the picture above? This is from the time period I love to think of when remembering my mom, before the early 1990s. We disagreed on a lot, but we also agreed on even more. We had a lot of love, and sometimes way too much fun!
THAT’S the mom I’ll see in heaven… soon… :)
.
.
**Highlights in color are links for more information.
.
So…my mother passed away a few days ago. I haven’t been able to post on my social media yet; maybe later. My siblings and mom’s grandkids take care of posting more than enough! Everyone deals with grief differently…
Grief is a necessary time period. The five stages of grief model, known as the Kübler-Ross model, depict a series of five emotions: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. (And then, the Seven Stages of Grief expanded on the five.) Critics consider this theory outdated and not applicable to every differing culture. Studies show a lack of evidence for a set model, as grief is experienced in so many different ways and not in any certain order.
Right now, if this theory is reality, I think I’m in the anger stage. I just want to smack people! They can really say and do some of the stupidest things! I don’t, though. I know their hearts, and they mean well, most of them anyway. Some don’t. And I can ignore them. I know I’ve made some pretty ignorant statements in the past. I found it best just to say “sorry for your loss” and leave it at that. In the beginning, that’s all anyone wanted to hear, anyway. We don’t want it fixed, we don’t want your stories, and we don’t even want hope and joy yet. We just need a smile, a nod, and maybe ice cream! After the chaos of the extra visitors and funeral services, a program such as GriefShare is a great next step. We can’t let ourselves isolate except to recharge. People need people.
But… maybe tomorrow…
Her passing was not unexpected, but we still grieve. When a parent or child dies, no matter the condition of the relationship, we still grieve. She had a long, hard road. Parkinson’s is one evil that is difficult to understand. So I don’t even ask the “why?” question. She lost her dignity, as so many elderly people do these days. Social media doesn’t help either.
My mother was very proper, as was her mother. She was far from vain and quite the character, even donning clown suits to entertain children! Though she grew up poor, my grandma would never let anyone know of their status. They were the last generation that wore dresses with slips and pantyhose to church! She would roll over in her grave if she knew I never ironed! And yet, since Christmas, I’ve seen a few posts out there of pictures depicting her frail and demented state that belong in their personal memory book, not on FakeBook or Instagram! I can’t wait until I’m up in heaven standing next to mom with popcorn in hand to watch the fireworks when the “bad picture posters” climb those golden stairs to find mom knocking them back down for allowing hundreds of people to have their last memories of her shown in a demented state! Yes, to us, she was always beautiful, but would you want your last images on social media to be of you in a demented state? I thought not. It’s the hardest thing to watch your mom, who taught you to walk with dignity, lose all her dignity, and then have so-called “loved” ones spread her undignified pictures, especially under the guise of “just asking for prayer!” (Eyeball roll!) I may be a “Boomer,” but I know how FakeBook works! It boils down to being a BragBook! You brag about yourself, your spouse, your kids, and your pets, then you check to see how many reactions you get, as if the number of reactions determines your worth and value as a human being, especially if it means diminishing another! Social media are a false reality. You’ll never get the full picture—just snippets of what people want you to see. Unfortunately, people will judge and make assumptions about the whole person based on partial information from a self-serving post.
So… isn’t this post bragging as well?? Yes, of course it is! Hopefully though, it’ll be a more realistic “mom” bragging without the undignified pictures… But I digress.
.
“Congratulations!” I said…as my body regurgitated the sour lump in my throat. Watching people traverse the same sordid road I plummeted down so many years ago conveys to me a double-edged sword. On the one side, I truly am so very happy for them…yet on the other side, the razor-sharp blade sends my protective spirit into overdrive, silently screaming “Stop!”
But would they?
I didn’t…
From where did we come?
What purpose are we?
Where are we going?
Is heaven for me?
.
Lord, help me, I pray
Escape from life’s sin
This battle is not
A fight I can win
.
My spirit sees peace
Through your firmament
Your hand reaches down
To strike your judgment
.
Yet, you passed right by
My broken down soul
The blood of Jesus
Paid Satan’s death toll
.
My broken soul healed
No more roads to roam
Your healing has come
Your hand takes me home
.
“I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit.” ~Romans 15:13 (NLT)
I love the Psalms and Proverbs. King David was the perfect example of a sinful man who found redemption and won God’s heart. But, the consequences of his sins (divorce, adultery, murder) followed him the rest of his life through his children. It’s the same with all of us. While only the Lord can save us from eternal hell, give us mercy and forgiveness, and heal our hearts, we still live daily with the consequences of our failures. But… God gives us His grace and wholeness through His peace to handle every sticky situation!
I’ve now lived long enough and observed many people to be able to verify, with those few exceptions of course, that the sins of the fathers (and mothers) most definitely pass down to the children. The Bible was right after all! It’s true that kids will do as parents do and ignore what they say. That’s a shame, really. By the time a parent is a grandparent, they usually know what NOT to do! We could learn a lot, and avoid a ton of mistakes, if we surrounded ourselves with a few older and wiser mentors. But instead, society drags downward with each generation. Our society has forgotten basic biblical history, and is now very far from God. Offense over the least little thing and bitterness toward parents for not fulfilling unrealistic expectations have destroyed our relationships. We have no unity. Pray for reconciliation for all our families!
My boys had a male high school teacher who told me he could point out every student in his class that came from a single parent home without ever looking at their files. He went on to say that he could tell how awful the father treated the mother by the son’s disrespectful attitude toward authority. Back then, I thought he was arrogant and preposterous! Looking back, the teacher was right.
What attitudes and habits are we passing down to the next generation? Don’t worry, we have all failed. Even though our society loves to blame-shift our failures to the previous generation, their failures came from the generation before them! None of us are any less guilty than the previous generation. In my family, though dysfunctional, my parents never divorced, but both sets of grandparents were divorced, as were my great-grandparents, and a couple of great-great-grandparents! We can find fault in our parents (forefathers) all the way back 6,000 years! Where does it end? With us? When will we stop blame-shifting? God’s word says each of us is only condemned for our own sins, not what others think or do. (See Deuteronomy 24:16, 2 Kings 14:6, Jeremiah 31:30, and Ezekiel 18:20.) Our society regresses with each generation, which was predicted for the end of the age. Parents are turning on children, children turning on parents, and over minuscule offenses! (See Luke 12:53) When will we learn to forgive? When will we return to the Lord?
Where does it stop?
Where do we STOP THE CYCLE and start fresh?
“No weapon formed against you shall prosper,
And every tongue which rises against you in judgment
You shall condemn.
This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord,
And their righteousness is from Me,”
Says the Lord. ~Isaiah 54:17
.
Revival has hit Asbury University once again!! We are more than excited to see God’s spirit move across our nation, and the whole world, as has happened twice before through the humble hearts from Asbury, first in 1907, second in 1970, and third in 2023!! What a joy to witness!! Pray for protection from the enemy! Pray for hearts to soften, humble, and believe!! Pray for revival to spread!! The Lord is certainly coming soon…and I pray as many as possible to enter those pearly gates with me!!
Original post: https://voiceofrestoration.wordpress.com/2013/12/11/the-home-that-love-built/
Great blog by Mario on Asbury: https://mariomurillo.org/2023/02/16/how-to-respond-to-the-asbury-revival/
Can you imagine a time when no one will jealously nitpick at every word; a time when no one will get offended over every mispronounced name; or a time when everyone will actually have to like each other?? ;)
Does anyone else believe we are in the Last Days? Logistically, since yesterday, we are one day closer to eternity! I can’t wait! That is when all things will be made right. All lies will be exposed. No one will be deceived anymore.
But…first…life here will get worse before it gets better. Jesus warned us, “And then many will be offended, will betray one another, and will hate one another.” And, “And because lawlessness will abound, the love of many will grow cold.”
What will be your first conversation with God? Will it be a good one, full of butterflies and lollipops? Will God tell you to get at the back of the line because you refuse to give up your hate? We will all have to give account of every condescending word, every negative thought, and every action. It is pretty scary to think that every thought we ever had will be exposed for all to see! Yikes! Believe me; we will ALL face judgment before entering those pearly gates! Those of us who are saved will sit before The Bema Seat of Christ. Yes, even Christians will have to give an account… for our rewards! And… those who reject His salvation… will be left behind. They will be reserved for the final judgment … for hell.
My heart aches for those who will endure the next seven years after God snatches us up! I’ve heard it said (and oh so true) that this life is the most hell any true Christian will have to endure, and the most heaven anyone not of Christ will ever enjoy. What really baffles me is the excuses people give for rejecting Christianity, and God! Oh, I’ve heard it all. I used to make the same excuses! “Some Christian hurt me… I can’t stand (hate) that person… I didn’t get the job, promotion, or position I wanted… my marriage sucks… my parents weren’t perfect… my body is broken down with no relief in sight…” and the list goes on! But those are all just excuses. The bottom line is that people don’t want to give up their own control. Our pride makes us believe we can do everything better than God. Sin is fun! But only for a season…
That’s why I thank God for Jesus’ sacrifice and His grace!! For anyone (even me!) who believes in Him and asks for forgiveness will meet Him in the sky… sooner than anyone can imagine!
ABC’s of Salvation:
That’s all there is to it! You don’t have to get cleaned up to take a bath! When you repent and accept His forgiveness, He will fill you with His Spirit and renew your mind and heart. You’ll experience His never-ending love! You’ll fall in love with Him more and more every day, and your soul will be filled with His peace!! Life is not perfect or fair; people will still be imperfect, but you’re never alone, and you know that you have a father who really loves you!
.
**Highlights in color are links for more information.
.
We had lunch with a bunch of family members of the next generation up a few days ago. They are a hoot! A couple of them are widowed, and somehow the conversation came around to their lives as “single” people and their latest “dates.” I found myself amused at their outlook and wondering how our society got here. I was caught between cracking up laughing and fearfully crying!
Loneliness is, in my opinion, the number one killer among the elderly. Actually, no matter what the age, when we lose hope, we lose the will to live. Did you know that some of the largest age groups on dating sites are of the elderly? Like my uncle said, he doesn’t want to get married; he just wants someone to go to dinner or accompany him to an event once in a while. We all need community. God created us for His companionship, so, of course, we need each other! Though it’s a blessing to be healthy enough to live on our own, still, people were not created to be loners!
I caught myself thinking about the days gone by. The cultures that seemed to thrive were based on moral principles. The basis of their theology was to love and care for others the same way they wanted to be loved, otherwise known as the Golden Rule. What is our future? I could list a thousand different ways society (people groups) has handled their elderly. Not many cultures throughout the centuries have been very compassionate. The elderly have, for the most part, been thrown aside the minute they cease to produce. The sad thing is, we have differing opinions about what constitutes production. Do we cast them aside when they are unable to work for that paycheck? Do we cast them aside when they are unable to drive themselves to the store? At what point do we consider them useless? At what point do you want others to consider you useless?
When it comes to the elderly (our parents and grandparents), our whole mindset has changed over the last century, especially in regard to women. In times past, families lived close by and frequently in the same house. Today, the average American family will move at least once every 2 to 3 years, most often living a few states away. In times past, women who were above childbearing years (60ish), very rarely remarried. She found fulfillment and usefulness in helping to bring up the next generation, usually living with an older child and very rarely living alone. Widowers usually remarried (men just cannot seem to do their own laundry!) or one of the children lived with him, not he with them, being more independent, but rarely living alone!
The downfall of independence is isolation and loneliness. Women now take pride in relying only on themselves. A widow today would not dream of living with any of her children! Not only would that be an imposition on their families, but she would not be able to do what she wants when she wants! Our society has been convinced that a woman’s only fulfillment comes from being independent. Widowers would rather remarry, or at least date, to maintain the position of a provider, rather than allow his children to provide for him. Men cling to the position of the patriarch that leads, not one that is led, and they need to.
I really don’t blame them for living independently, even if loneliness accompanies the morning coffee. People don’t get along in today’s world. Younger generations take offense to every little thing, and older generations are full of pride. So we stay divided and isolated, not realizing the following generations are the individuals who will pay the price.
Without the elderly, we lose our history.
Without our history, we lose our purpose for today.
Without purpose, we lose hope.
Without hope, we lose our future…
“Hence true Friendship is the least jealous of loves. Two friends delight to be joined by a third, and three by a fourth, if only the newcomer is qualified to become a real friend. . . . In this, Friendship exhibits a glorious ‘nearness by resemblance’ to heaven itself where the very multitude of the blessed (which no man can number) increases the fruition which each has of God. For every soul, seeing him in her own way, doubtless communicates that unique vision to all the rest.” —C. S. Lewis, The Four Loves
.
**Highlights in color are links for more information.
.
Do y’all remember the parable of the wedding feast in Matthew 22:1-14? It comes right after the parable of the wicked vinedressers. Jesus is portraying the Kingdom of God…Heaven! So, who are the players in this parable? The king represents God, the son represents Jesus, and the servants represent the prophets, and those who were originally invited to the wedding banquet represent the priests and preachers…you know…the religious crowd. Notice how the original people invited refused to come? They represent those who we think have it all together, the goodie-two-shoes people who live life on their own goodness, and the people who know all about God but don’t need God. They are socially accepted upright people. And who are the people on the highways? Well, that would be me! These would be the people who do NOT have it all together…you know…those of us who have a problem or two…those of us with a not-so perfect past!
When the religious crowd refused to attend the wedding feast, they rejected the authority of the King, choosing to live life in their own power. After giving them every chance to come to Him (by sending the prophets, you know, those who speak the truth even if it hurts), God then rejected those who were full of their own pride. He rejected those who touted their virtue on their own merits, those rejecting His salvation for their own desires. Then God not only invited, but searched out those who were outcast, those who were imperfect, and those who accepted His invitation simply because they loved Him! He searched out those who were not embittered by their circumstances but trusted in Him. He chose those who gave God credit for their goodness instead of themselves. Though they were not perfect, He took into the wedding feast those who humbled themselves, letting go of their vengeance, hatred, bitterness, anger, etc., finding forgiveness, changing them, and giving them a white garment of purity instead of the dirty rags from the ashes of all their mistakes.
Oh…so what about the guy at the end, the one without a wedding garment? You mean we have to dress up? No, the wedding garment represents the blood of Jesus’ sacrifice. His dying for us covered our imperfections so we could attend the wedding without the dirt from our highways! When we repent (asking forgiveness) and turn from living in sin (though we still mess up at times, we don’t stay in our sin, but keep moving toward His light), He gives us white wedding garments (a clean heart full of joy). As we go through this life, there will be those who hang out in church (surface Christians) and their love for their humanness (sensual gratification, hatred, anger, etc.) is stronger than their love for Jesus (the one who died for our sins so we could have life). All those who do not have the joy of Jesus’ forgiveness running through their veins will be cast outside… into hell… for eternity…
What will you choose? Hatred and hell …or… healing and heaven??
“Jesus said to him, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me.”
.
Have you ever prayed risky prayers? You know… the kind that could really backfire if you’re not ready to accept the results?
A couple of years ago, I actually prayed that God would only bring into my inner circle the people with whom I would spend eternity, and take out those who were not headed up that path. I know… how stupid was that?!! My thought was not to isolate, but to have the “iron sharpens iron” concept. God has actually brought some absolutely wonderful people into my life the past couple of years that have been such a blessing to me!!! But… you wouldn’t believe the people who have actually left my life!! It’s actually freaky!! A couple of those lost relationships broke my heart!! Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying all the people who left are not going to heaven!! God has different plans and paths for everyone, and sometimes God moves us in different places, and countries, to further His purposes. How many times do we compel people to stay when God wants us to let them go? Even though I was astonished by a few of the people who left my life (for differing nonsensical reasons), God did reveal to me that a few people whom I believed to be Christians were regrettably in name only. I’ve been saying for the past few years that the atmosphere in the world is one of separation…God is separating the sheep from the goats and the wheat from the tares. We’re living in a world of offense. It’s weird and exciting at the same time, watching His prophecy happening right before our eyes! But it’s also heartbreaking to think that some of those we’re close to won’t be in heaven with us. When you dissect the Parable of the Ten Virgins, we see that only half the church will go up, only a remnant. Therefore, I’ve been praying and crying much harder for my loved ones lately. None of us are promised our next breath.
There’s a section in the book of Revelation (which is God’s Word revealed… not sealed) that talks about the martyrs in heaven that came out of the Great Tribulation and how God will wipe every tear from their eyes. The next paragraph says there is silence in heaven for about half an hour. The implications of this section are mind-boggling. What horrors will those who go into the Tribulation endure that they will still have tears in their eyes when they reach heaven? Those are horrors I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy! But what’s more telling is the silence… My belief is that the silence is a period of mourning for not only the Tribulation to come (as most teach), but also for the souls that were lost. Can you imagine getting up there only to find close relatives and friends who chose to follow the enemy? Yes, we’re in a battle that has only two sides. We decide to follow either God or Satan. Oh, the enemy comes in many deceptive forms. There will be a lot of “good” people in hell. To reject God and follow after our own desires is to follow Satan. We tend to think only thieves and murderers go to hell, but that’s not how my bible reads. Basically, you can be the sweetest and most beautiful person, but if you reject Jesus and/or hold bitterness and unforgiveness in your heart… you’re out. If you cannot forgive others, God won’t forgive you. It’s pretty simple… but yet so hard… until we understand how we can forgive and love because He first loved us! Let’s fix what we can… while we can! (And be ready for anything when you pray!!) We don’t have much time left…
What about those unanswered prayers? There was a country song about that back in the day, “Thank God for Unanswered Prayers!” These prayers could be for an illness, a job, or even a relationship. Are we really willing to accept God’s Will, even if we don’t agree with Him? No, God doesn’t expect us to agree with everything. He understands how dumb we are. How can we know the future? How can we mere humans know what’s good for us? Initially, we usually don’t agree due to our lack of understanding. But, when we trust a loving and all-knowing God, we accept hard things even when our desires are screaming for our own comfort. Years later, we look back and thank God that He didn’t give us what (and WHO) we absolutely knew we just had to have!
I know it’s risky to trust God when we pray. We never know what He has in store. But, we need to pray anyway, and trust Him for our future.
*
Scripture references:
>Wheat & Tares: Matthew 13:24-43 & Matthew 25:32-46
>Half the church to go up: Matthew 25:1-13 & Matthew 7:13-14
>God wipe every tear and silence in heaven: Revelation 7:14-17 & Revelation 8:1
>Works of the flesh & fruits of the Spirit: Galatians 5:16-26
>Hate sends us to hell: Matthew 5:21-22; Matthew 6:14-15; Matthew 23; Luke 9:23-26; Romans 1:18-32; 2nd Peter 2; Revelation 21:6-8; Revelation 22:15; etc.).
>Romans 2:17 says, “For there is no partiality with God.”
*
ABC’s of Salvation:
That’s all there is to it! You don’t have to get cleaned up to take a bath! When you repent and accept His forgiveness, He will fill you with His Spirit and renew your mind and heart. You’ll experience His never-ending love! You’ll fall in love with Him more and more every day, and your soul will be filled with His peace!! Life is not perfect or fair; people will still be imperfect, but you’re never alone, and you know that you have a father who really loves you!
.
**Highlights in color are links for more information.
.
Do you have your pastor for lunch? I think we all have, at one time or another, its human nature. I’ve seen a lot of posts lately condemning churches, mega-churches, denominations, preachers, and organizations that differ from their favorite organizations’ beliefs, using the scripture that says judgment begins with the house of God from 1st Peter 4:17. Hmmm… that verse is talking about God’s judgment, not man’s judgment!
I’m often reminded of the account of David in 1st Samuel 24, when he had the perfect opportunity to get rid of King Saul, who was seeking to annihilate David. King Saul went into the cave to relieve himself (Saul took a restroom break, if you get his drift!) (See 1st Samuel 24:4) where David and his men were hiding. David held his men back and resisted the urge to take him out, saying he would not touch God’s anointed.
Okay…did David have a good reason? Of course. Saul was in a jealous hot pursuit after David! God initially anointed Saul to be king, but he rejected God by turning to seducing spirits (1st Chronicles 10:13), leaving God to replace him. At the time of the restroom incident, God had already rejected Saul as King and anointed David, but Saul was still sitting in the position of authority. Was Saul still anointed even though he was rejected? Yes. God wasn’t through with him; David’s time had not yet come. If David had taken him out, he would have interrupted God’s plans, and those plans were specifically for David. God was ultimately the one who took out Saul, leaving David’s conscience clear! (See: 1st Samuel: chapters 8 – 31)
What’s the best way to point people to the true Gospel? Is it by condemning other denominations or pastors? No, it’s by going straight to the Bible and seeking the Word… in context! Looking at the example of King Saul, how do we know the preacher of that organization wasn’t anointed by God for His purpose? If he or she is teaching anything contrary to God’s word, our job is to make God’s Word, not our opinions, clear and pray for their eyes to be opened. We need to see what the Word says, not what it doesn’t say. The Bible really is a book of “Do’s” and “Repercussions.” If people are not seeking after the Lord, they’ll follow false doctrines (from Satan’s deception) at any church they attend, no matter how much condemnation is bellowed against that organization or preacher. God will deal with false teachers in His time. Now, the remedy for a disagreement with a fellow Christian is different from those in authority, kings, or governments. Jesus outlined that process in Matthew 18:15-20 … and for an unbeliever? We just agree to disagree. They are not bound by the same moral standards as a fellow believer. We’re all saved by God’s grace and not by trying to prove we’re better than so-and-so, or our preacher or church is better than that one. Give the Joy of Salvation instead of the criticisms of organizations you disagree with. God will deal with them. If we continually pray for them, people will see heretical teaching on their own. Eventually, everything hidden will be exposed. Our pushing drama and division will only succeed in running people off. Yes, James warned about teachers being held to a higher standard and judgment in James 3:1-12, and in the same paragraph, we are warned that we all stumble, so we have no right to badmouth those very teachers! People are attracted to Joy, not sour grapes! We don’t have much time left…let’s get rid of the hate (Matthew 6:14-15) and get back to our first love (Revelation 2:4-5)!
Oh, and this picture below? Well, I hope he doesn’t mind that I snapped it. A few weeks ago, we arrived very early on a Sunday morning to find the cleaning crew missed us the night before. Instead of complaining and barking out orders to all of us “little people” to help clean up, he showed his servant’s heart and quietly turned on the vacuum cleaner…
That’s the church I want to call family…where the pastor is a shepherd and the elders are helpers…and the people love with the Joy of the Lord and not with criticism and division! Look for the positive…not the better than so-and-so!
“A fool’s wrath is known at once,
But a prudent man covers shame.” ~Proverbs 12:16
ABC’s of Salvation:
That’s all there is to it! You don’t have to get cleaned up to take a bath! When you repent and accept His forgiveness, He will fill you with His Spirit and renew your mind and heart. You’ll experience His never-ending love! You’ll fall in love with Him more and more every day, and your soul will be filled with His peace!! Life is not perfect or fair; people will still be imperfect, but you’re never alone, and you know that you have a father who really loves you!
.
**Highlights in color are links for more information.
.
The death of a grandparent is usually a child’s first experience with the kind of loss that never goes away. My maternal grandmother’s death was a loss I feel to this day. It’s not that others had not passed on…my grandpa, great grandma, etc. But my grandma had lived with us the last five years of her life and we were super-duper close! Maybe it was her dying in her room at her sewing machine as I watched my dad doing CPR… to no avail…
Even as a teenager, I felt the disgust of our society toward the elderly. It’s even worse in today’s world. Grandparents live in institutions rather than with family. It’s gone on as far back as Adam and Eve. Even Jesus chastised the Pharisees for twisting the commandments around to avoid taking care of, nor honoring their parents, all in the name of God (see Matthew 15:3-9; Mark 7:6-9; 1 Timothy 5:1-8). The disdain for those in authority grows stronger with each generation. Kids today look for the least little thing to get offended over, to have an excuse not to put up with those… old people…
Though I wrote the following poems about the elderly as a teenager, the same holds true even more so today. Is there anyone you need to make amends…before it’s too late?
.
“But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” ~1 Timothy 5:1-8 (NKJV)
.
“But if they {parents} have children or grandchildren, these are the ones who should take the responsibility, for kindness should begin at home, supporting needy parents. This is something that pleases God very much.” ~1 Timothy 5:4 (TLB)
.
The righteous shall flourish like a palm tree,
He shall grow like a cedar in Lebanon.
Those who are planted in the house of the Lord
Shall flourish in the courts of our God.
They shall still bear fruit in old age;
They shall be fresh and flourishing,
To declare that the Lord is upright;
He is my rock, and there is no unrighteousness in Him.
.
When I was little, my parents reveled in the holidays, especially Christmas. During the Navy days, we didn’t have much, but I never thought of us as poor. My fondest memories are of popping popcorn and stringing it carefully through spools of cheap thread to make garlands for the Christmas tree. We took construction paper and made paper chains. My mom was the best at making shabby things look gorgeous! Our tree was the best decorated in town… in my child’s eyes.
Halloween was no different. We decorated with monster dolls and spider webs made from string. My dad even found an album of Dracula tunes that he piped out the window to scare the neighbor kids.
We had no idea to whom we were paying homage. While in our home we were only having “fun” it still set me up for the sneaky side of nature. By the time I was a teenager, my Halloween festivities grew into the dark side… I’ll just keep those stories to myself!
After I gave my heart to Christ, my spirit changed somehow. I could no longer handle staying up late watching horror movies without unsettling my spirit for days on end, sensing the evil hidden in the films. That’s when I realized the hypocrisy of our holidays. We were a “Christian” family, yet we celebrated the devil? It just didn’t make sense to me. So I stopped. I still let my kids dress up for our church’s “God is Greater” parties, since I’m not a fuddy-duddy. But I had a natural dark side that was too hard to control when celebrating the King of the night…
Every family is different. Growing up, how did your family celebrate holidays? Take time to consider the things you did as a child that you want to pass down to your future generations. What new traditions would you want to implement with your children and grandchildren?
“But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.” ~Joshua 24:15 (KJV)
PAUL HARVEY: ‘IF I WERE THE DEVIL’
Paul Harvey (born Paul Harvey Aurandt, September 4, 1918 – February 28, 2009), was an American radio news broadcaster for the ABC Radio Networks, known for his famous “The Rest of the Story” segments. Though Paul Harvey was a devout Christian, he never claimed to be a prophet. But…God uses the ordinary to expose the unordinary…eerily canny of today’s world…
Original printing in 1965:
“If I Were the DevilIf I were the Prince of Darkness I would want to engulf the whole earth in darkness.
I’d have a third of its real estate and four-fifths of its population, but I would not be happy until I had seized the ripest apple on the tree.
So I should set about however necessary, to take over the United States.
I would begin with a campaign of whispers.
With the wisdom of a serpent, I would whispers to you as I whispered to Eve, “Do as you please.”
To the young I would whisper “The Bible is a myth.” I would convince them that “man created God,” instead of the other way around. I would confide that “what is bad is good and what is good is square.”
In the ears of the young married I would whisper that work is debasing, that cocktail parties are good for you. I would caution them not to be “extreme” in religion, in patriotism, in moral conduct.
And the old I would teach to pray — to say after me — “Our father which are in Washington.”
Then I’d get organized.
I’d educate authors in how to make lurid literature exciting so that anything else would appear dull, uninteresting.
I’d threaten TV with dirtier movies, and vice-versa.
I’d infiltrate unions and urge more loafing, less work. Idle hands usually work for me.
I’d peddle narcotics to whom I could, I’d sell alcohol to ladies and gentlemen of distinction, I’d tranquilize the rest with pills.
If I were the Devil, I would encourage schools to refine young intellects, but neglect to discipline emotions; let those run wild.
I’d designate an atheist to front for me before the highest courts and I’d get preachers to say, “She’s right.”
With flattery and promises of power I would get the courts to vote against God and in favor of pornography.
Thus I would evict God from the courthouse, then from the schoolhouse, then from the Houses of Congress.
Then in his own churches I’d substitute psychology for religion and deify science.
If I were Satan I’d make the symbol of Easter an egg
And the symbol of Christmas a bottle.
If I were the Devil I’d take from those who have and give to those who wanted until I had killed the incentive of the ambitious. Then my police state would force everybody back to work.
Then I would separate families, putting children in uniform, women in coal mines and objectors in slave-labor camps.
If I were Satan I’d just keep doing what I’m doing and the whole world go to hell as sure as the Devil.
Paul Harvey, good day.”
“If I Were the Devil I Would Pray, Our Father Who Art in Washington.” by Paul Harvey, printed in the Gadsden Times on October 13, 1964 (p. 4).
Updated version by Paul Harvey in 1996:
“If I were the devil … If I were the Prince of Darkness, I’d want to engulf the whole world in darkness.
And I’d have a third of its real estate, and four-fifths of its population, but I wouldn’t be happy until I had seized the ripest apple on the tree — Thee.
So I’d set about however necessary to take over the United States.
I’d subvert the churches first — I’d begin with a campaign of whispers.
With the wisdom of a serpent, I would whisper to you as I whispered to Eve: ‘Do as you please.’
To the young, I would whisper that ‘The Bible is a myth.’ I would convince them that man created God instead of the other way around. I would confide that what’s bad is good, and what’s good is ‘square.’
And the old, I would teach to pray, after me, ‘Our Father, which art in Washington…’
And then I’d get organized.
I’d educate authors in how to make lurid literature exciting, so that anything else would appear dull and uninteresting.
I’d threaten TV with dirtier movies and vice versa.
I’d pedal narcotics to whom I could. I’d sell alcohol to ladies and gentlemen of distinction. I’d tranquilize the rest with pills.
If I were the devil I’d soon have families that war with themselves, churches at war with themselves, and nations at war with themselves; until each in its turn was consumed.
And with promises of higher ratings I’d have mesmerizing media fanning the flames.
If I were the devil I would encourage schools to refine young intellects, but neglect to discipline emotions — just let those run wild, until before you knew it, you’d have to have drug sniffing dogs and metal detectors at every schoolhouse door.
Within a decade I’d have prisons overflowing, I’d have judges promoting pornography — soon I could evict God from the courthouse, then from the schoolhouse, and then from the houses of Congress.
And in His own churches I would substitute psychology for religion, and deify science. I would lure priests and pastors into misusing boys and girls, and church money. If I were the devil I’d make the symbols of Easter an egg and the symbol of Christmas a bottle.
If I were the devil I’d take from those who have, and give to those who want until I had killed the incentive of the ambitious.
And what do you bet I could get whole states to promote gambling as the way to get rich?
I would caution against extremes and hard work in Patriotism, in moral conduct.
I would convince the young that marriage is old-fashioned, that swinging is more fun, that what you see on the TV is the way to be. And thus, I could undress you in public, and I could lure you into bed with diseases for which there is no cure.
In other words, if I were the devil I’d just keep right on doing what he’s doing.
Paul Harvey, good day.”
“If I Were the Devil.” by Paul Harvey, printed in the Reading Eagle on July 1, 1996.
Goodreads: If I Were The Devil
Recording of his radio show: If I Were The Devil
.
“He who tills his land will have plenty of bread,
But he who follows frivolity will have poverty enough!” ~Proverbs 28:19
What kind of friends do we keep? Do they lift us up or drag us down? Do we interpret lifting up as making one happy and encouraging a continual party? Or do our friends encourage us to strive for the best in ourselves and develop Godly goals? The friends we keep help develop our character and our future. The words that fill our ears affect our thought patterns. When we follow friends who are frivolous and live in a continual party mode, we begin to slip into those same patterns. After all, how hard is it to work a full week while receiving continual message requests to skip off to the mall, salon, or beach? We put our job, as well as any advancement, at risk of collapse. We find ourselves in poverty.
I like how the NIV puts the second half; “But the one who chases fantasies will have his fill of poverty.” This version is a great analogy of the get rich schemes of today. Advertisers take advantage of lazy people (who, in their greed, want something for nothing) by promising high returns for very little input, whereas the scheme rarely brings profit for the participant. Many marriages have been wrecked by a spouse who secretly spent savings on get-rich Money Trading and Wall Street ventures. Anything hidden from your spouse is not of God, for God is light. If you don’t trust the Lord to be your provider, your faith is in the temporal. If you believe your worth is established in wealth, you will end up chasing fantasies.
“Better is the poor who walks in his integrity
Than one perverse in his ways, though he be rich.” ~Proverbs 28:6
Money in and of itself is not the enemy. However, the love of the world’s money for our own pleasure is where destruction lies. To prosper in earthly wealth is not the satisfying prosperity God has to offer. As with everything else, God looks at the heart. If your heart is clouded with unforgiveness and selfishness, you will not have the peace and joy of His prosperity. God desires his children to have all he has to offer. Wealth is already his. He created the earth! But how we obtain our material possessions and the friends we keep determines the quality of our heart. When we promote ourselves by befriending the rich, or that popular friend, for our own benefit, we are living in self-centeredness without integrity. James 2:5-6 says, “Listen, my beloved brethren: Has God not chosen the poor of this world to be rich in faith and heirs of the kingdom which He promised to those who love Him? But you have dishonored the poor man. Do not the rich oppress you and drag you into the courts?” Are these the kind of friends you want? But, to have friends of integrity, you must have integrity. The best way to check your heart is to look at how you treat others on your way up that ladder. What kind of prosperity do you desire? Do you desire the world’s wealth or to prosper in all that God has for you?
“Whoever gives to the poor will lack nothing,
but those who close their eyes to poverty will be cursed.” ~Proverbs 28:27
The concept of giving to others, so God can give to us, is all too foreign. Acts 20:35 says, “It is more blessed to give than to receive.” To be rich with God’s wealth is a blessing; to be rich with that which we did not earn righteously is a curse. An old saying that is proven trusted and true: “If you take care of the things of God, He will take care of you.” This comes from Psalm 37:4, “Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart.” Do you trust Him to provide? Will you be satisfied with the Lord’s provision? In His hand is the only place true contentment is found.
****************************
**If you enjoy devotionals with beautiful artwork that you can doodle as you read…check out my Proverbs Devotional & Doodles journal which can be found through The Thinking Tree Publishing Company on Amazon here: Proverbs Devotional & Doodles. The above is an excerpt from Day 28 of Proverbs!
.
**Highlights in color are links for more information.
.
Well, it’s been a little over a month since I last posted. I’ve had soooo many things running through my head, but just couldn’t bring myself to write it all out. And then, last night, I received the results from my DNA test. Oh me, oh my… Oh my…
Let’s just say…we’re definitely ALL related!
I may write more as my little brain processes a couple of the “shockers” in my results. But, for now, just know that I am convinced more than ever that the life of Jesus gave more healing than any other…ever! To be born of a race that was considered “chosen” yet so horribly persecuted out of jealousy, and yet to still love ALL of mankind, is phenomenal and supernatural.
You know what is the most ironic? How true were the words which Jesus spoke in Mark 4:22: “For there is nothing hidden which will not be revealed, nor has anything been kept secret but that it should come to light.”
I’m so glad now, even though utterly embarrassing, that my life has not been portrayed as perfect by any means! That my sins have been “out there” and that I have a redemption story…one that shows if God can save someone like me…He can, and will, save anyone who wants Him. Just simply ask…
“My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.”
.
It’s funny…until the past few years I thought my ancestors were non-existent. I had to come from somewhere, didn’t I?
After hearing little snippets here and there, I finally took the DNA plunge. I know…it’s a trendy thing right now. My dad won’t even consider it. He thinks the government will steal his biological history and use it to create a look-alike robot, or capture him and put him a Chinese torture chamber! ;) But, if I had his military/war history, I would have those fears too. I think most people already know that the “powers that be” already know more about us than we do!
I’ll find out in a few weeks just where I came from! Most American’s have no clue due to the constant revolving door. When I was living in Ukraine, a lady told me that she was of the “pure” race. Well, she was basically putting me down for being a mixed-breed-mongrel. LOL. **Sigh**
Oh if only she knew that we were all created by God…and he loved each of us no less than the other! I wonder how many relationships would heal if we all looked at each other through the loving eyes of our Creator…and loved each other the way he loves us…
Scriptures for Hope:
“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.” ~John 3:16-17
“This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.” ~1 John 4:10
“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” ~Matthew 22:37-40
“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” ~John 13:34-35
“And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.” ~Romans 5:5
“But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” ~Romans 5:8
.
Have you ever studied the anatomy of the eye? The iris is the ring of color which determines the size of the pupil that regulates the amount of light filtering into the retina which transmits the images to our brains. Our eye color is determined by the pigments in the iris. The name “iris” is derived from the Greek goddess of the rainbow, because of the many colors in the iris. While I don’t follow Greek myths much, it is interesting that our colors admittedly are derived from God’s rainbow. The iris of the human eye is quite a mystery. While the common colors consist of brown, blue, green, hazel, or grey, occasionally people are born with a mixture of all colors, creating new eye colors!
We are all created unique. People have a hard time seeing outside the box of what mankind has deemed acceptable. So why, oh why, do we try so hard to fit into someone else’s box? I want her hair. I want his muscles. We tend to feel disliked if we don’t look like supermodels. Think about it…what really is normal? Is your normal…normal? Is mine? The world’s greatest accomplishment will never surpass the beauty of God’s creation!
The ugliest person ever born is completely loved by the one who created the world. Don’t listen to the lies of those who only seek to control and destroy. For, the ugliest person to the world is especially loved and beautiful in the colorful eyes of God.
You are enough.
You are beautiful.
You. Are. Loved.
The Iris of the eye
Filters light to the soul
Painted by God himself
In colors of His rainbow
Trust in Him, and believe,
For you truly are
Fearfully and wonderfully made!
“For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.”
Psalm 139:13-16
.
Do you have a kid that you have no idea where they came from? I mean, the kid looks nothing like either parent! That’s the way I feel. I look a little more like my dad, but then some like my mother, and who knows who else. :/
I’ve heard that we are a combination of the DNA of our 16 great-great-grandparents. Living on a dairy farm, that’s one thing farmers learn quick when breeding to a pure herd. It takes four generations to outbreed a trait. It’s uncanny the similarities between cows and humans. ;)
With my dysfunctional family tree, I have very little knowledge of my great-great-grandparents. I have a few names, but that’s about it. Heck, I only have pictures of two of my grandparents, much less anyone farther back! Which means my great-grandchildren will be the first in my line to know the features of their 16 great-great-grandparents. I’ll be long gone by then…
So when someone says, “Oh, he/she looks JUST like so-and-so!”
Hmm…
They don’t have a clue.
“Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord,
The fruit of the womb is a reward.
Like arrows in the hand of a warrior,
So are the children of one’s youth.” ~ Psalms 127:3-4
.
I wrote this in Costa Rica while looking through the scenes you don’t see in the Travel brochures…
His Redemptive Treasure
Endless webs of metal
Spin fear upon black tar.
Dark lungs grasping dense air,
Fierce anger wonders far.
Life’s hope is lost for those
Who dwell within locked bars.
With fear of evil woes
Bitterness turned to scars.
Searching for life’s purpose
The world’s empty pleasure.
Who will bring God’s true light?
His redemptive treasure?
His death upon the cross
Covered our scars of sin;
Brought joy in redemption,
Hearts full of peace within.~Nora Marie
I never let this poem go anywhere… it’s not one of my best works… not even close. But now that my ex-mom-in-law is lying in a hospital bed breathing her last, this holds a higher place in my heart. The trip I took was with a group from an organization called “Men for Mission,” which my ex-in-laws were part of for many years. As they grew older, the trips grew less frequent. Most of the trips were work missions. The trip to Costa Rica in January 1999 was the only one I was able to join with them. Maybe I’ll write more about it one day. But for now, my prayer is that one of the travelers… my ex-mom-in-law… will rest in the arms of Jesus knowing she ran a good race. I pray my ex-mom-in-law finds peace. I pray she knows I have no more bitterness for the angst she caused in my marriage, realizing how hard it was for her to let go of her only child. I pray she knows I’m sorry for not being the daughter-in-law she wanted. I pray she knows God redeems and restores all.
I need to pull out the old photo albums and scan some pictures from that trip. The people and country are beautiful. I pray the two boys I spent time with, showing and telling them about the love of Jesus, are still following Him.
Some things we will only know when we cross over into heaven…
.
Why would any Christian hate Christmas trees or Christmas carols?
Back when my kids were younger, our Christmas season was so stressful with all the grandparent gift competition and squabbling over where we were spending the day, I was so disgusted with it all that I simply quit. I actually stopped putting up a tree for quite a few years! We all needed to focus on the joy and not the gift. Consequently, I was called a Scrooge by quite a few so-called Christians! Because I didn’t decorate the way they thought I should? I was a Scrooge. Hmmm… Since Christmas is supposed to be about the birth and not the tree, I ignored those comments because they showed the position of their heart.
When I did some research, I found the word “Christmas” is short for “Christ’s Mass,” given by the Catholic Church. Christ’s actual birth was (according to the Roman census) in early September, not the end of December. As with most holidays, they evolve. The church wanted to coincide with the pagan holidays, and this one fell on the winter solstice. (Just Bing search it!) I don’t believe for one second that Jesus cares one iota if we celebrate his birthday. I do believe he does care that we celebrate his life! I do believe he cares that we honor his death and the sacrifice he made for all mankind. And I do believe he gives us the joy of celebrations, whenever they are, because he loves us! After all, his first miracle was at a party!
But Christmas carols in November?? I think I finally figured out why Christmas carols make me change the radio station faster than Frosty snowboarding with Clark Griswold! All songs have a subject. Originally, these songs were written to bring light to the birth of the Christ, the Savior of the World. It’s all about the “fluff”. Mommas, don’t we all know how messy birthing babies can be? Yet, even through the pain and the mess, we find love looking in that little baby’s face, then we turn around and do it all over again! We smile at the goodness while ignoring the ugly. That’s what a Christmas carol is all about. Sweet and beautiful.
So why the sink in my soul every time I hear a carol? The same sink that made me put away the tree. The meaning and joy have been zapped right out of it! Let me ask you this: do you hear a song about the life of Jesus in a major retail store any other time of the year? No. We wouldn’t want to offend anyone, right? But during the holidays, carols are promoted because studies prove that people buy more “stuff” when they are played over the intercom. Our society has evolved the Christmas holiday into commercialism. I get depressed just thinking about all the junk I’m subliminally made to feel I should buy, and the ungrateful people who could care less about their gifts, and all the money wasted.
I have to always remember the enemy has been trying to thwart Christianity for over 6,000 years. He is pretty good at taking the good things God created and using them for evil. Ephesians 6:12 says, “For our wrestling is not against flesh and blood, but against the principalities, against the powers, against the world’s rulers of the darkness of this age, and against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places.” People and things are not our enemy… attitudes are. We can’t throw out the baby with the bath water!
Eventually, I began to focus on things that will matter a hundred years from now: people, not presents. I’m not worried about who can come to Christmas dinner and who can’t or won’t. We can always get together another weekend. I don’t stress about the perfect gift. Personally, I treasure homemade gifts. Yesterday, my dad gave me a present of a handpicked perfect mix of nuts, full of Brazilians!! That two-pound can he wrapped up is by far the best present I’ve had in years!
Yes, we still exchange gifts, and I still decorate my house, but I focus on nativity sets, which represents the purpose for the season. We stopped putting our gifts under the tree (yes, I do have a tree these days), though now our new tradition is to put them under the large nativity, which is the reason for the season. The kids began focusing on giving and not receiving, and I stopped feeling guilty for not buying them everything society said I should. Win!
Amazingly enough, the Joy came back! And… every once in a while… I’ll even sing a carol or two.
“For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved.” ~John 3:16-17
.
Do you or someone you know need a little encouragement today? Are you or someone you know, experiencing the pain of loss? The holiday season can be very tough for those of us who are grieving. Whether it is the loss of a loved one, loss of a job, or the loss of a marriage, we all grieve. Journaling through that process helps us to grow and not get stuck. Here is my latest endeavor with Thinking Tree Publishing Company. This journal helps give encouragement from others in the same situation, and helps point to the hope God gives.
Don’t give up on hope. Don’t give up on life. You are loved!
Click here: Creative Journal & Coloring Book for Comfort & Healing
Here is an excerpt:
A Letter From Nora :
When Sarah asked if I would put this book together, I thought to myself, “Sure! This one will be a piece of cake!” And then life hit… and death hit…
About three-quarters of the way into this project, a close family friend committed suicide. Her death was a shock to most people because of the way she lived her life. She lived as a committed Christian, always the first to help others, and at almost 70 years of age, she was a devoted grandmother. And yet, she suffered from devastating depression most of her life.
Consequently, we are all left with nothing but the “why” questions. Some things in life are unexplainable. Why would an innocent baby die? Why would I lose that perfect job? Why would my husband decide he didn’t want to be married anymore? Why did my dad leave? Why did my adult child reject me? Why would a natural disaster wipe out a lifetime of memories? Why didn’t I notice my friend was suffering before committing suicide? And the resounding question of all time: Why do bad things happen to good people?
And… we grieve.
I have all the head knowledge, but still, I grieve. I know all the pat answers, but still, I grieve. Grief is messy. Each of us grieves differently, for we are all unique. Some people cry outwardly, others internalize. Some will hide from life, while some will busy themselves with every activity available. Experts say we experience at least two of the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. In my own grief, I simply could not pick up this book on grief. Every time I wrote a sentence, the words sounded dry. I shut down my social media. I wouldn’t talk about it. I wouldn’t cry. I felt paralyzed. I just needed time. I needed time to process our loss. God allows us that time to grieve. He allowed the Israelites to grieve for 30 days after Moses died. Then he instructed Joshua to tell them to pull up their bootstraps and move on into the Promised Land. God allowed Job to ask all the “why” questions when he endured suffering upon suffering, and did not count it against him.
In my processing, I remembered that as long as we live in an imperfect world, with imperfect people, bad things will happen to both the good and bad. But… good things will also happen to both the good and bad. In those times, both good and bad, I remembered that God is always good. It’s ok to be mad at God, as our children are mad at us when things don’t go their way. His grace allows us to grieve. I don’t believe God causes the bad things to happen in life; they’re simply the consequences of life in an imperfect world. Though we may never understand why He allows bad things to happen, He always works everything out for our good. (See Romans 8:28) Though we may feel all alone in our grief, we have a creator who understands our pain and loss more than anyone.
Sometimes God calms the storm, and sometimes He will calm His child in the middle of the storm.
When did I start functioning again? When I got out of bed in the morning. When I put one foot in front of the other. When I took a walk with my camera, I forced myself to see God’s beauty through a different lens. When I smiled at the check-out lady because she was stressed, I watched her smile back. When I took dinner to a friend who was suffering their own loss.
I was able to begin functioning again when I found that in life’s changes, I still have purpose. We are needed. We all have value and worth. We are loved by the One who created us.
In His Love,
Nora
.
Example of Journal Pages
** If you enjoy devotionals that you can doodle as you read with beautiful artwork by Sarah Janisse Brown, founder of The Thinking Tree Publishing Company; the above excerpt from Comfort & Healing in Times of Loss can be found on Amazon here: Journal for Comfort & Healing: also, my Proverbs Devotional & Doodles Journal can be found on Amazon here: Proverbs Devotional & Doodles.
.
Hugh Hefner has a pretty broad legacy that spreads over decades of objectifying women and celebrating sexuality. He is credited as the biggest proponent for pornography in the history of photography. That’s quite a feat! He is also credited as “having” over 1,000 women in his lifetime. And finally, he is credited to taking $8,000 in 1953 and creating the most popular men’s magazine of all time when in its peak had a net worth of $250 million!
Hugh Hefner is gone. Most of the world was saddened by the news. We mourn the death of every soul. We know that soul will never again walk the ground we call Earth. Why would any Christian show honor to the death of an icon such as Hugh Hefner? But didn’t our grandmothers tell us that it was bad luck to speak ill of the dead?
Ok, so I won’t speak ill of him, I’ll just let his life speak for itself. Now, I don’t ever propose to judge where a person goes when they die, for that is determined by God alone. However, we can have a pretty good guess by the fruit of their life. What legacy do they leave behind?
By the world’s standards, he was a success story to follow. Though, at his death, due to his extravagant lifestyle, alimony payments, and fading sales due to easy internet access, his empire had dwindled down to less than $15 million. Still a pretty sweet nest egg!
If Mr. Hefner was such a success, how is the world better for his involvement? Are women respected more, or reduced to mere eye candy? Did the product his companies produced enhance or destroy families?
I’ve written about the destruction of pornography on the family (my family) in the past (here and here). I don’t want to repeat myself. Except that it seems like people just don’t get it. Or at least they don’t want to get it.
Just how far gone is our society??
Here are a couple of secular articles depicting the dark side of Hugh that I found interesting:
https://www.glamourmagazine.co.uk/article/hugh-hefner-sexist
https://time.com/4963765/no-hugh-hefner-did-not-love-women/
https://fortune.com/2017/09/29/hugh-hefner-worth/
.
Sometimes God calms the storm,
and sometimes,
he will calm His child in the middle of the storm.
Since people get offended and hate others over the silliest of things, yes, I believe we are at the end. How much worse can it get? Jesus said when asked about the end of the age: “And then many will be offended, will betray one another, and will hate one another.” ~Matthew 24:10
Are you ready for eternity? Do you live in forgiveness or bitterness? Will that thing you harbor anger and bitterness over really matter a thousand years from now?
We have to forgive, and forgive, and forgive again, no matter how much it hurts or how much the offender continues their attack, even if they never admit to their offense. It’s hard. I have to continually remind myself of this all the time. I’m not perfect, just forgiven. Forgiveness is the only way to find freedom for our soul. Forgiveness does not mean the offender is not guilty of the sin, for we all give an account for every little thing we do; it just means we release to God our right for revenge. (God’s vengeance is always much better anyway.) We are then free to live in God’s peace and joy, which usually makes the offender angry because we are not letting them cripple us. We are free. We are ready to “meet our maker” with a clean heart. We are forgiven. Because, yes, no matter how slighted we feel, if we don’t forgive, God won’t forgive us. If we aren’t forgiven, we spend eternity without freedom, without light, without God… in hell.
Don’t believe me? Or, maybe you don’t believe me because you feel like I should not be forgiven because I have offended you in some way and you don’t like me. Then I say don’t. What do I know? All I am doing here is relaying what God’s word says. Here in the USA, there is a paper Bible (taken from ancient scrolls) on every corner, or you can look it up on the Internet. In it, you will read where Jesus said in Matthew 6:14-15: “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.”
What of this life will you take with you into eternity?
“Then Peter came to Him and said, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.” ~Matthew 18:21-22
“And He said to me, “It is done! I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. I will give of the fountain of the water of life freely to him who thirsts. He who overcomes shall inherit all things, and I will be his God and he shall be My son. But the cowardly, unbelieving, abominable, murderers, sexually immoral, sorcerers, idolaters, and all liars shall have their part in the lake which burns with fire and brimstone, which is the second death.” ~Revelation 21:6-8
.
When I look to the sky…
Those who live at the ends of the earth
stand in awe of your wonders.
From where the sun rises to where it sets,
you inspire shouts of joy.
.
With all the images coming out of the islands decimated by hurricane Irma, one resounding word keeps popping up in my mind: barns. In just one day, the “fun” was washed away…
washed away…
We moved off our farm in spring of 2015 and became city-dwellers. My husband’s family farmed that land for around 150 years. You would not believe the old equipment lying around…continually replaced by the new.
Needless to say, it took us more than two months to clear our junk out of the barns! We sold, gave away, and threw away…and still found more and more…stuff. :/
Though our intention was to downsize…our new house…you guessed it…bigger.
Do we ever learn??
Tearing down the old storage shed and chicken coop…
Then someone called from the crowd, “Teacher, please tell my brother to divide our father’s estate with me.”
Jesus replied, “Friend, who made me a judge over you to decide such things as that?” Then he said, “Beware! Guard against every kind of greed. Life is not measured by how much you own.”
Then he told them a story: “A rich man had a fertile farm that produced fine crops. He said to himself, ‘What should I do? I don’t have room for all my crops.’ Then he said, ‘I know! I’ll tear down my barns and build bigger ones. Then I’ll have room enough to store all my wheat and other goods. And I’ll sit back and say to myself, “My friend, you have enough stored away for years to come. Now take it easy! Eat, drink, and be merry!”’
“But God said to him, ‘You fool! You will die this very night. Then who will get everything you worked for?’
“Yes, a person is a fool to store up earthly wealth but not have a rich relationship with God.”
.
Just thinking…
If someone has been turned against you because of the lies of another and that person is dying, do you…
I guess the bigger question is….what will they have to answer to when they face God? Aren’t God’s children supposed to seek Truth? Does God hold us accountable if we believe negative things about a person, gossip, lies, without asking for verification?
Are there not two sides to every story?
Do I want the best for that person, or justification for myself?
Did Jesus not say to be forgiven, we have to forgive?
Is it more merciful to let someone die believing lies so as not to upset them, or to expose truth so they will at least have a chance at reconciliation before leaving this earth?
But, rock the boat, we don’t.
“Therefore, to him who knows to do good and does not do it, to him it is sin.” ~James 4:17
“For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” ~Matthew 6:14-15
“Assuredly, I say to you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.” ~Matthew 18:18
.
Day 19 ~ Proverbs 19*
“Houses and riches are an inheritance from fathers,
but a prudent wife is from the Lord.” ~Proverbs 19:14
Does our world respect the marriage union? An antonym for prudent is reckless, which is a lack of self-control based in self-centeredness. To be prudent is to be careful, cautious, and wise.
God said in Genesis 2:24, “the two shall be one.” How can a couple be “one” unit if their Love Tanks are being filled outside the marriage? Love is to want the best for the other person and leave our desires aside. The Apostle Paul said in Ephesians 5:25, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her.” Now, I don’t believe Paul meant for husbands to physically die, but rather to give up their desires, dreams, and wants; to replace their personal (self) desires with a desire for his marriage as a unit. And, yes, that’s easier said than done… especially in our world. It’s no different for women. Our first priority is to God, then our family… our immediate family. (God also said to leave our parents!)
How can we identify a lack of respect for the marriage union? When interacting with your married friends, are you showing the most attention to your friend’s husband? Do you seek private conversations with him? Do you call your friends’ husbands to plan events? Do you seek out married men on social media? Do you continually come up with things for which we need “the husband’s help” (i.e., changing a light bulb)? Do you show up at your friend’s house when she’s not home and end up spending time with her husband? Are you confiding in a married man and sharing your heart with him? If the answer to any of these questions is yes, then I would highly question what’s happening in your heart. In today’s world, more than half of marriages will suffer through an affair. Most affairs begin with friendship, a counseling situation, or a work relationship. The most likely person to be an affair partner is a close friend of the opposite sex. But isn’t our spouse supposed to be our best friend?
Affairs begin with dissatisfaction in the mind. Too many marriages have been destroyed by men who transfer their desires to a young, airbrushed fantasy online, in a magazine, or in sleazy movies. When a mind is focused on physical perfection, will an aging bride ever satisfy? Too many marriages have also been destroyed by a woman who is not satisfied with her position in the home, expecting her husband to give in to her control. Decisions become one-sided. When respect is lost for a husband who cannot fill a need for satisfaction that only God can fill, she turns her focus outside the relationship. The illusion is that the grass is always greener on the other side; the truth is that the grass is only green on the side that is watered!
We need to water our side of the fence. Your marriage is like a garden to water, protect, nurture, and cherish. Keep the weeds and the dogs out! Guard the sanctity of your marriage. Too many of us live with the destruction of divorce. Before we become reckless, shall we be prudent? If God gives you someone, why would you not cherish them?
Be wise. Be careful. Be prudent.
“The foolishness of a man twists his way,
And his heart frets against the Lord.” ~Proverbs 19:3
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
**The above is an excerpt from the devotional book I wrote while living in Ukraine on mission for nearly a year in 2016. If you enjoy devotionals that you can doodle as you study God’s word, with beautiful artwork by Sarah Janisse Brown, founder of The Thinking Tree Publishing Company; my devotional journal can be found on Amazon here: A Proverb A Day ~ Devotional & Doodles Journal.
.
Do any of us know what unfaithfulness really is? Is unfaithfulness relegated to marriage only? What actually constitutes adultery? What is the root cause? Just how truly faithful are we…and can we find forgiveness and restoration? (Check out my blog on forgiveness here: Unconfessed Sin ~ My Thoughts on Forgiveness)
Proverbs has a whole lot to say about faithfulness…
Proverbs Devotional Day 5
“That you may preserve discretion
and your lips may keep knowledge.” ~Proverbs 5:2The fifth, sixth, and seventh chapters of Proverbs primarily deal with the subject of adultery. I’m sure a lot of readers tuned out right here. But being physically unfaithful to your mate is not the only form of adultery, for God looks upon the heart. How faithful are we in all our relationships? Are we a faithful friend, employee, or neighbor? Do any of us know what unfaithfulness really is? What actually constitutes stepping out? What is the root cause? And just how truly faithful are we…? God is a faithful God, yet we continually fall into our old, self-absorbed nature. Oh, how thankful I am that He is also a God of grace, continually ready to forgive our unfaithfulness!
Adultery is a symptom of a much deeper problem; it’s a matter of the heart. Jesus said in Matthew 5:28, “But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Adultery begins with an ungrateful heart, long before the physical act. Ungratefulness leads to dissatisfaction, which leads to unfaithfulness. When we fail to keep our hearts satisfied with that which God provides, we fall into a host of sins: envy, covetousness, jealousy, etc. Paul says in Romans 13 the Ten Commandments “are all summed up in this saying, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” Love wants the best for others and lives in gratitude for that which God has given us.
“lest strangers feast on your wealth
and your toil enrich another man’s house.” ~Proverbs 5:10 (NIV)Consequences always follow a wandering heart. When one or both in a relationship begin to lust for something outside of God’s shelter, trust is broken and the relationship is fractured. Does the wandering always have to be physical? No. Pornography is an epidemic across the globe, destroying marriages and families, for it creates a dissatisfied heart. That aging mother with all those stretch marks, varicose veins, and sagging breasts can never compete with the airbrushed young perfection on the screen. When divorce follows, so does the division of entire families, friends, and your finances.
“Drink water from your own cistern, running water from your own well. Should your springs overflow in the streets? Your streams of water in the public squares? Let them be yours alone, Never to be shared with strangers. May your fountain be blessed, And may you rejoice in the wife of your youth, a loving doe, a graceful deer. May her breasts satisfy you always; May you ever be captivated by her love.” ~Proverbs 5:15-19 (NIV)
Our selfish nature has us believing the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. Yet, in reality, the grass is only greener on the side that is watered. Do you feel dry and disconnected from those close to you? First, water your soul with God’s Word, for His Spirit will bring peace to the deepest holes in your heart. While we have no control over the other person’s decision to water the relationship, we are responsible for our own heart’s faithfulness.
When we seek wisdom in every thought and action, the Holy Spirit is faithful to keep our thoughts pure and our hearts satisfied with His love. No matter what the temptation, be it sexual, chemical, or even shopping, pray for His Spirit to protect your heart. Gratefulness negates selfishness.
“He will die for lack of discipline,
Led astray by his own great folly.” ~Proverbs 5:23 (NIV)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
**The above is an excerpt from the devotional book I wrote while living in Ukraine on mission for nearly a year in 2016 (adjusted for this blog). If you enjoy devotionals that you can doodle as you study God’s word, with beautiful artwork by Sarah Janisse Brown, founder of The Thinking Tree Publishing Company; my devotional journal can be found on Amazon here: A Proverb A Day ~ Devotional & Doodles Journal.
.
The Proverbs, Day 3, Chapter 3. It’s packed full of great little nuggets! Several verses have been popularly quoted throughout the millennia, especially the 5th verse… the one about leaning on our own understanding. It always amazes me when we do that since we obviously don’t know everything. But, after all, we are control-freaky humans!
Two verses on this day seem to be tossed in the background:
At first glance, the verses are saying to be sure and pay our debts. Don’t be stingy. When we are diligent to pay everything we owe, not only do we show our good character, but we show honor to God in our trusting Him to meet our needs. Jesus teaches in Matthew 6:25-35 that worrying is for the birds, “… Are you not of more valuable than they?” Figuratively: He loves us so much more than we tend to believe, so why do we hold onto our finances and not trust God to provide?
Yet, these verses also bring up another underlying thought. Procrastination is an all too common enemy. A definition of procrastination is to put off or to delay. Why do we put off that which we are capable of accomplishing today? Sometimes, we procrastinate out of pure laziness. Most often, we put others off out of our desire to control our situations. We believe our schedule, our money, etc., is more important than anyone else’s. Both procrastination and laziness are rooted in self-centeredness and pride. Most of us never thought of procrastination as a sin. We excuse ourselves with our good “intent” of giving, but only when it is convenient for us. One of the first companies I worked for had a saying, “Five minutes now will save five hours of cleanup tomorrow.” That concept is not only true in the business world; it is true in our relationships.
Gardening…Lots of hard work!
Do you have unresolved conflict with anyone? Time is not the healer; God is our healer. Ephesians 4:25-27 says to not let the sun go down on our anger, followed by saying not to give the devil a foothold. Romans 12:18 says, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all men.” Taking that step toward reconciliation doesn’t always mean the other person will respond, but it’s our responsibility to do our part.
We need to take an honest look at ourselves. Are we withholding money, forgiveness, or restoration from anyone? Let’s give where the giving is due and trust the Lord to take care of the rest.
The hard stuff of discipline, forgiveness, and restoration only lasts for a moment…the rewards last an eternity.
“My child, don’t reject the Lord’s discipline,
and don’t be upset when he corrects you.
For the Lord corrects those he loves,
just as a father corrects a child in whom he delights.” ~Proverbs 3:11-12
What are you procrastinating today?
******
**The above is an excerpt (adjusted for this blog) from the devotional book I wrote while living in Ukraine on mission for nearly a year in 2016. If you enjoy devotionals that you can doodle as you study God’s word, with beautiful artwork by Sarah Janisse Brown, founder of The Thinking Tree Publishing Company; my devotional journal can be found on Amazon here: A Proverb A Day ~ Devotional & Doodles Journal.
.
**Highlights in color are links for more information.
.
And… another birthday down. It was a good day. Naturally, as with most of my previous birthdays, it rained. Well… more like torrential downpours complete with lightning, thunder, and disintegrated hair! I’m not exactly sure why, but so many of my birthdays came drenched in stormy weather… so much so that it became the running joke in my family. It used to bother me, but eventually I learned to laugh at it and just go with the flow.
I usually don’t care to have any celebrations. Oh, but I’m all about the ice cream!
That’s about as far as I go in enjoying any kind of party. I never really asked for or expected one growing up, and the few parties I had ended up with unwanted drama. I remember my 13th birthday very well… we wound up in the neighbor’s basement hiding from the tornado that ripped through town! :/
On the anniversary of the day I made my entrance into this world, my husband took me to work so we could go out after. While I was at work, he serviced my car, complete with new windshield wipers! Then, since I finished work early, he said the rest of the day was mine… to do with whatever I wanted. Wow. We headed straight for Cold Stone Creamery! He even took me shopping for clothes… for girly clothes! ;) Now that’s love!
No, I didn’t hear from all my kids. No, I didn’t even hear from my parents. And, no, my social media didn’t blow up with well wishes (mostly because I hide the date!!).
But I don’t need all the pomp and circumstance. I know I am loved by those that matter. I know I am valued by the Lord. He gives me purpose. I am completely content with who God made me to be.
No, life is not perfect. Sometimes it really stinks. But God gives joy in the middle of the storms.
And yet, the day ended with another of God’s beautiful sunsets…in spite of the rain clouds!
Who could really ask for more?
.
Our past does not define us. Yet, we do not forget our past unless, of course, we want to make the same mistakes over and over again. Learn from our past, trust God for our future, and live in today!
An Earnest Appeal for Guidance and Deliverance: A Psalm of David…
“Hear my prayer, O Lord,
Give ear to my supplications!
In Your faithfulness answer me,
And in Your righteousness.
Do not enter into judgment with Your servant,
For in Your sight no one living is righteous.
For the enemy has persecuted my soul;
He has crushed my life to the ground;
He has made me dwell in darkness,
Like those who have long been dead.
Therefore my spirit is overwhelmed within me;
My heart within me is distressed.
I remember the days of old;
I meditate on all Your works;
I muse on the work of Your hands.
I spread out my hands to You;
My soul longs for You like a thirsty land. Selah
Answer me speedily, O Lord;
My spirit fails!
Do not hide Your face from me,
Lest I be like those who go down into the pit.
Cause me to hear Your lovingkindness in the morning,
For in You do I trust;
Cause me to know the way in which I should walk,
For I lift up my soul to You.
Deliver me, O Lord, from my enemies;
To You I flee.
Teach me to do Your will,
For You are my God;
Your Spirit is good.
Lead me in the land of uprightness.
Revive me, O Lord, for Your name’s sake!
For Your righteousness’ sake bring my soul out of trouble.
In Your mercy cut off my enemies,
And destroy all those who afflict my soul;
For I am Your servant.” ~Psalm 143 (NKJV)
.
Have you followed any of the many “Leadership Guru” forums? Believe it or not, I believe all those forums can be condensed into just three points, the three taught in Proverbs 31. If we get these three points right, every step will fall into place.
Since this is the 31st day of the month… below is an excerpt from the 31st day of the Proverbs devotional I wrote while living in Ukraine. Since this chapter is such a favorite and the last in the book, it is twice the length of the previous 30 chapters. I guess I just felt wordy on that last day! ;) Honestly, the 31st chapter is packed full of great little nuggets!
****************************************
Day 31 ~ Proverbs 31
“The words of king Lemuel, the revelation which his mother taught him:” ~Proverbs 31:1
When most people refer to Proverbs 31, the Noble Wife is the usual commentary, describing what is commonly known as the Virtuous Woman. This section of the Proverbs is an interesting study, as verses 10-31 are an alphabetic acrostic in Hebrew, comparable to Psalm 119.
The first nine verses, however, are an isolated oracle written by a mother to her son, with the counsel given by a father listed in Chapter 4. History shows the name Lemuel (meaning Devoted to God) to possibly be a name of endearment given to King Solomon by his mother, Bathsheba. Only in more modern times has the identity of the subject been questioned. Unfortunately, seeing as specific names were not given, their true origins may have been lost to historical nonexistence.
The oracle was written as a prophetic admonition, possibly out of a mother’s desire for her son’s success. Most mothers’ counsel is derived from experience and a desire for their children to avoid the same mistakes in their own lives. Ironically, the three pieces of advice this mother gave were the very actions that eventually brought King Solomon to ruin: flippant relationships, self-indulgence, and a slothful attitude toward injustice. Bathsheba would have been well-equipped to warn of the consequences of these sins, the very sins for which she and King David, Solomon’s father, were mercifully forgiven and restored. Centuries later, our leaders continue to embellish the same sins. We are still humans. Her advice to her son, the King, could most certainly be applied not only to our government leaders of today but to anyone in a leadership position, especially the family father.
The influential role of the mother has been greatly diminished in modern times. While the role of the father has become known for absenteeism, most people do not realize the correlation to the diminishing role of the mother. With more than a third of American households being raised by a single parent, mostly by the mother, great concern is growing over the moral decline in our society. Our children are raised without the stability of security in a family unit, resulting in higher poverty, crime, drug usage, and a lack of education. The issue is not whether the home is run by a single dad or a single mom, the issue is that neither parent is constant in the home. Unfortunately, in modern society, most two-parent homes have two-parent incomes. The children are left to raise themselves through babysitters and daycare.
I find the addition of a woman’s instructions in a man’s world to be very comforting. Solomon was attributed as the wisest man of all time; therefore, his mother’s penned words must have been very influential to be included in the ancient scrolls. Never underestimate the hand that rocks the cradle. Most scripture was written by men and towards men. Yet this passage contains the words of a woman giving instructions to her son, a man, a king. With such high importance placed on one oracle, it is disheartening that her words fall on deaf ears to most of our leaders today. Corruption in high places has been at work since the beginning of mankind.
“What, my son?
And what, son of my womb?
And what, son of my vows?” ~Proverbs 31:2In older translations, the chapter begins with his mother asking, “What?” What are you doing? Are you paying attention? Listen! Since the timeframe is not given as to when in Solomon’s life the oracle was written, it is possible his mother saw in his youth warning signs of potential problems. We all have tendencies toward certain temptations. Some temptations are more common in higher positions or stations in society. This mother wished to get her son’s attention to bring a warning about the pitfalls of someone of his status. This mother was very wisely teaching him that the responsibility of a king is not to be taken lightly. In James 3, we are told that teachers will receive stricter judgment. How much more for a king? In 2nd Peter 2, a description is given of the consequences of false teachers who lead people to destruction. Her desire was for her son to lead responsibly.
“Do not give your strength to women,
Nor your ways to that which destroys kings.” ~Proverbs 31:3The passage gives three separate pieces of advice for successful leadership: relationships, sobriety, and advocacy. The first piece of advice has been ignored by politicians and pastors alike all throughout history. Many a mighty man has fallen from the public eye due to sexual indiscretions. With the introduction of the Internet, pornography is the number one ‘secret’ sin of today’s clergy. The temptation can be overwhelming. Bathsheba knew this firsthand. Bathsheba and King David’s indiscretion resulted in two deaths, a divided family, and a lost kingdom. While their hearts were forgiven and restored in relationship with God, the consequences can be felt to this day. We need to be very careful and selective with whom we are in a relationship.
“It is not for kings, O Lemuel,
It is not for kings to drink wine,
Nor for princes intoxicating drink;
Lest they drink and forget the law,
And pervert the justice of all the afflicted.
Give strong drink to him who is perishing,
And wine to those who are bitter of heart.
Let him drink and forget his poverty,
And remember his misery no more.” ~Proverbs 31:4-7The second admonition is about mind-altering substances. This piece of advice should be simple common sense. But even in our society today, drunken parties for politicians are the norm. Will a people put trust in a leader who is not clear-minded while they are issuing judgments, decrees, and laws? Without morality, we have only chaos. Alcoholism and self-medicating are rampant. She points out that those who are perishing or are in anguish drink to forget their troubles, though her urging to give a strong drink is not for a king. Her son has a greater responsibility than being self-focused. A good king, ruler, teacher, or parent is focused on those whom the Lord has put under their care. From the president or king all the way down to the parent in the poorest family, the quality of leadership is destroyed when alcohol or drugs control the mind. Just as the king is responsible for the condition of the kingdom, Dad and Mom are responsible for the condition of the family.
“Open your mouth for the speechless,
In the cause of all who are appointed to die.
Open your mouth, judge righteously,
And plead the cause of the poor and needy.” ~Proverbs 31:8-9The final plea this wise mother instructs to her son is simply to do well. I believe she knew from experience within her own family how imperative a righteous ruling is. James 4:17 (WEB) says, “Therefore, to him who knows to do good and does not do it, to him it is sin.” Do we sit by idly, being more concerned about our own skin, watching those under us get trampled? Do we use our position to aid those less fortunate? Most kings and leaders throughout history succumbed to the influence of power, followed by arrogance. Self-serving leaders support only those who are able to give back to their establishment or campaign. But to the little people, the poor and needy, or the unjustly charged, these leaders are mute and turn a deaf ear. Jesus said the first would be last, and the last would be first. If we are in a high position, God honors the humble in heart and those with a giving spirit.
Whether we are the ruler of a nation, or a stay-at-home mom, leadership comes with great responsibility. Lemuel’s mother very wisely conveyed the three most important aspects of righteous leadership: stay away from physical indulgence, keep a clear head, and use the position to benefit others.
“Learn to do good;
Seek justice,
Rebuke the oppressor;
Defend the fatherless,
Plead for the widow.”
~Isaiah 1:17
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
**The above is an excerpt (adjusted for this blog) from the devotional book I wrote while living in Ukraine on mission for nearly a year in 2016. If you enjoy devotionals that you can doodle as you study God’s word, with beautiful artwork by Sarah Janisse Brown, founder of The Thinking Tree Publishing Company; my devotional journal can be found on Amazon here: A Proverb A Day ~ Devotional & Doodles Journal.
.
**Highlights in color are links for more information.
.
In honor of Saint Patrick’s Day, below is an excerpt of the 17th devotional of my book I wrote about in my last post. I love Saint Patrick’s Day! Not just because I am of Irish descent, but because of the heart of the holiday. While most here in America use the holiday to drink whiskey and green beer with the intention of getting plastered, the holiday actually began with a slave from Wales, England, whose parents were from Rome. He brought good deeds and hope to a pagan-bound culture. I hope you like today’s devotional…
Day 17 ~ Proverbs 17
“Better is a dry morsel with quietness,
Than a house full of feasting with strife.” Proverbs 17:1At least six verses of Proverbs 17 speak directly to the family. King David is my hero! I love reading 1st and 2nd Samuel, the accounts of David’s life. My spirit is lifted and heightened every time I read David’s Psalms. More than anyone who ever lived, David was attributed as a man after God’s own heart. Yet, because of King David’s own sins (2nd Samuel 12:10), the sword never left his house. It was one of the most dysfunctional families in history. His wives were… well, he had way too many cooks in the same kitchen. The King’s children lied, cheated, stole, raped, and murdered each other! Absalom, his oldest son, conspired to overthrow the kingdom and kill his own father. If Hollywood were to film the actual events of David’s life, the movie would be released with an “R” rating or worse! His children grew up in wealth, yet had more drama than a soap opera!
“A foolish son is a grief to his father,
And bitterness to her who bore him.” ~Proverbs 17:25Though King David saw his children make horrible decisions, even to his death, he grieved for them. In 2nd Samuel 16:5-14, David recognized that the calamity he experienced was due to his own sin—the calamity that was prophesied by the Prophet Nathan in chapter 12. The Apostle Paul admonishes fathers in Ephesians 6:4, “You fathers, don’t provoke your children to wrath, but nurture them in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” Children learn by the example they are given, not the words spoken. The Jamieson-Fausset-Brown Bible Commentary, on Ephesians 6:4, states: “The fathers are specified as being the fountains of domestic authority. Fathers are more prone to passion in relation to their children than mothers, whose fault is rather overindulgence.” Fathers, do you project anger or ridicule your children? Then you can’t be upset if they show outbursts of anger. Mothers, do you belittle or lie to or about your children? Then you can’t be upset when they despise you. Do we project indifference toward our children? Then we can’t be upset if they show indifference to our beliefs. This is what King David experienced. He was busy elsewhere. He showed his children a contradiction. As a result, they rebelled, bringing humiliation and destruction to their own family.
“He who begets a scoffer does so to his sorrow,
And the father of a fool has no joy.” ~Proverbs 17:21The dictionary describes a scoffer as someone who expresses mockery, derision, doubt, or derisive scorn; to jeer. We all occasionally fail. Do you fall into that category? Out of your own insecurity, do you make fun of others in hopes of elevating yourself? When your derogatory jabs are questioned, do you laughingly claim the recipient of your mockery is too sensitive and that you were only joking? I don’t believe people realize their own divisiveness. When a family falls into the habit of squabbling, no meal is joyful. Sometimes, the test of Christian love is greater within our own families. Oh, to love with the love of 1st Corinthians 13:4-7; “Love is patient and is kind. Love doesn’t envy. Love doesn’t brag, is not proud, doesn’t behave itself inappropriately, doesn’t seek its own way, is not provoked, takes no account of evil; doesn’t rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things.”
What would happen in our families if we took just one of these attributes? Kindness? Hope? Love?
“Children’s children are the crown of old men,
And the glory of children is their father.” ~Proverbs 17:6
**************************************
**The above is an excerpt (adapted for this blog) from the devotional book I wrote while living in Ukraine on mission for nearly a year in 2016. If you enjoy devotionals that you can doodle as you study God’s word, with beautiful artwork by Sarah Janisse Brown, founder of The Thinking Tree Publishing Company; my devotional journal can be found on Amazon here: A Proverb A Day ~ Devotional & Doodles Journal.
.
**Highlights in color are links for more information.
.
I finally wrote a book… a devotional… and actually published it! My writings usually sit hidden in a drawer, but while living in Ukraine last year, my friend, Sarah Janisse Brown, encouraged me to join her in her publishing company, The Thinking Tree Publishing Company, LLC, and put some of them in print. Sarah is a fabulous illustrator! Oh, how I wish I had Sarah’s artistic talent…but then again, God gave me my own talents to use. The difference is…she has used hers greatly while mine have sat hidden in a drawer. But is that what God wants for us? According to Matthew 25, he doesn’t…
So, in my free time, I dusted off my notes, and we teamed up to create a devotional that can be doodled!
Since this is the 14th day of the month, here is an excerpt of the 14th devotional. First, though, read the actual Proverb from the Bible before reading the devotional. Then, if you have a copy of the book (link below), you will enjoy doodling on Sarah’s illustrations! I hope you like it!
Day 14 ~ Proverbs 14
“The heart knows its own bitterness and joy; he will not share these with a stranger.” ~Proverbs 14:10
How can we truly know another person, except by what we see and hear? Sometimes it’s easy to assess what is in a person’s heart based on their countenance. We can assume a person is joyful at that given second because of the belly laugh filling the air. We can assume a person is sad, hurt, or bitter when we see buckets of tears flowing down their cheeks. But, can we presume to know the reasons or the source? All too often, seemingly happy people (such as actor Robin Williams) take their own lives out of deep depression. We are frequently too quick to make assumptions about a person or situation before we see all sides of a matter (see Proverbs 18:17 & Proverbs 25:8). Yet, in our pride, it’s so easy to assume we know what another person is thinking or feeling. Most of the time, our pride prevents us from simply asking, and therefore our reactions to that person will be unfitting.
“A faithful witness will not lie, but a false witness will utter lies.” ~Proverbs 14:5
What happens when we assume to know the heart of another and treat them accordingly? If I see someone come through the door with a scowl across their forehead, should I assume they are angry with someone? And then, to top that off, they complain about the blue skies. Should I assume they are bitter or nitpicking? How do we not know that they simply woke up with a migraine headache or have recently suffered a great loss? In our humanness, we are all occasionally guilty of these kinds of assumptions. When we fail to seek the truth, we are uttering lies. The old Indian proverb holds true: “Just walk a mile in his moccasins before you abuse, criticize, and accuse.” (Taken from the poem Judge Softly, written by Mary T. Lathrap in 1895). Yet, if we walk the same path, even then, do we deeply understand the heart of another?
“A sound heart is the life of the flesh: but envy the rottenness of the bones.” ~Proverbs 14:30
On the flip side, making assumptions about another person’s joy is just as harmful. How often do we reject people because we believe their lives to be ideal? We become envious of their happiness while not being concerned with knowing the road they traveled to live in their joy. Often times, we are shocked upon hearing a mild-mannered, sweet Christian’s testimony to find she has a shockingly checkered past. Jesus says in Luke 7:47, “Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—as her great love has shown. But whoever has been forgiven little loves little.” Do we rejoice with those who rejoice? Or do we allow our own self-centeredness to prevent us from being genuinely happy about other people’s success and joy?
Our hearts know our own bitterness. We deeply feel emotion when we have loved another. People are fallible beings. When we place expectations on others based on our own desires, we will be hurt. People will always, at one time or another, let us down. But we are not alone in our bitterness or our joy. Jesus says in Matthew 6:8b, “… for your Father knows what things you need before you ask him.” Why expect strangers, or even those we know, to share in our joys and/or sorrows when we have a God who knows every deep hurt, feeling, and thought we’ve ever had? A sound heart comes when we let go of our expectations of others and place our hope and trust in God, the one who knows our heart more than any other.
“Those who fear the Lord are secure; he will be a refuge for their children.” ~Proverbs 14:26
***********************
**If you enjoy devotionals that you can doodle as you read with beautiful artwork by Sarah Janisse Brown, founder of The Thinking Tree Publishing Company; my Proverbs Devotional & Doodles Journal can be found on Amazon here: Proverbs Devotional & Doodles.
.
**Highlights in color are links for more information.
.
Happy Valentine’s Day!!
I’ve seen a lot of people post, “Happy Single Awareness Day!” which cracks me up since Valentine’s Day is more for “Singles” than any other group! If it weren’t for hinting wives and FB, not many married men would even remember the holiday! (Except mine…be jealous girls!! LOL)
Saint Valentine himself was… SINGLE!
But…did you know that the holiday is centered around his torture and beheading? Read more here: This Day In History .
As we go through this day…let’s ask ourselves who in our lives has sacrificed more for us than any other. That is worth celebrating!
.
Wow! It’s been quite a while since I’ve written anything for this blog… only one post in all of 2016. What do you think… time to revive the blog??
It’s not like I’ve not written anything at all. I’m actually in the process of editing, creating, and writing books. A couple of books I’ve worked on have been published, but not any that I’ve authored… yet. I’ll post the details when it happens. It’s all in God’s timing.
So much has happened this last year! My husband and I left the States last March and have been on a mission, living in Ukraine for the past 10 months! We are due to return to the States in a couple of weeks, and I am not looking forward to jetlag, but I am excited to walk on familiar ground once again! I have so much material for posts about this trip that I don’t know where to begin! Maybe in my next post…
Mukachevo, Ukraine… sitting in the middle is Palanok Castle or Mukachevo Castle, a historic castle in the city of Mukacheve in the western Ukrainian oblast of Zakarpattia. The Palanok Castle is delicately preserved, and is located on a former 68 metre high volcanic hill.
As I looked back through this blog today, I was reminded of the reasons I created it. I want to help people who are hurting. I want to let people who have been rejected know they are not alone. My desire is to lead hurting people to the One who can heal… the One in whom I found healing. Does this mean that God will take away all the drama in life? No. Unfortunately, no. For we live in a fallen world. But God’s love can help you bloom. Our God-given DNA was created to produce beauty. Our fragrance will enhance the surrounding atmosphere. But… oh, there’s that word again. “But.” But, under the beauty of the rose lie stems that hold the thorns of life. Thorns are painful. They are scars on our base. But God is in the restoration business. He takes our ashes and turns them into beauty. He uses our experiences, our thorns, and helps us to grow through the pain. Finally, we learn to rest in His love and bloom where He plants us. Those thorns? Well, they never go away. God uses them to protect us from the world we live in. Just as the thorns on a bush will protect the flower or berry from predators, God will put His armor on us as we face our everyday trials.
What scars do you hold? Do you hold scars of regret, lost relationships, or rejection? God can create in all of us a new heart. Though some of our old relationships may never be restored, those scars can be healed, and in Him we can move into a new life with a heart of peace.
How can you use your experiences to encourage others? 1st Peter 3:13-17 says, “…always be ready to give a defense to everyone who asks you a reason for the hope that is in you…” We want to give Hope. For without hope, we have no desire for life. Why do we point people to God? Because we are fallible humans. We fail. People will fail you. They fail us because we fail to keep our eyes on the Lord. When we place expectations on people that only God can fill, we set ourselves up for failure. What, then, do we tell people? We tell them what God has given us. 2nd Corinthians 1:3-7 says, “…God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God…” People remember personal accounts so much more than a textbook. I guess that goes for me too. I’ve only been slightly personal on this blog. :/
Let’s start the New Year by taking off our masks.
Life is messy.
Relationships are hard.
Rejection hurts.
God’s love brings healing.
I still want to help you embrace your thorns. I want to help you put on God’s armor. Time is short. Let’s change our world!
.
**Highlights in color are links for more information.
.
A present from my dad…
Do you see the slight girl
with the hesitant smile?
The one in the middle
with the ancient hairstyle?Oh the secrets she hides
in pale haunting green eyes.
Her stoic demeanor
lend a blissful disguise.Little girl in my past,
I see your reflection.
Masking painful tears from
your Daddy’s rejection.Beautiful creation,
though the world be unjust.
God’s love and affection
hold your refuge and trust.~Me
Hurt people hurt people. The cycle continues. So long as there is sin in this world, there will be injustice. We will be hurt and rejected by people… because people are imperfect. Oh, how hard it is to release others of our own unrealistic expectations! But to do so will allow us the freedom to love freely. When our identity is in the Lord, we can have faith that we are totally accepted, cherished, and loved.
“Although my father and my mother have forsaken me,
yet the Lord will take me up and adopt me as His child.” ~Psalm 27:10
It’s so hard for us humans to accept that, no matter what we do, 10% of the population will not like us… even some within our own family; his family rejected even Jesus! We buy into the lie that we have to be the best and accepted by the world’s standards to be of value. The book of Ecclesiastes (the most seemingly depressing book of the whole Bible) teaches that “He has made everything beautiful in its time.” God created us to be a reflection of Him. He made us beautiful. Even the “ugly” people by the world’s standards are beautifully created, fearfully and wonderfully made.
“For You formed my inward parts;
You covered me in my mother’s womb.
I will praise You,
for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Marvelous are Your works,
And that my soul knows very well.” ~Psalm 139:13-14
When we understand the depth of love God has for us, and we understand that He is our Abba God, our Daddy, we find His strength and joy. Our carnal nature continually pushes us to take control of our situations through revenge, bitterness, and broken relationships. This picture (still spread around social media by my siblings in their failed attempt to humiliate me) of 15-year-old me, in a t-shirt given to me by my dad, reminds me that the pain in my eyes can only come from another human. My heavenly father gives beauty for ashes, encouragement for belittlement, and acceptance for rejection; never pain.
Pull from the strength only the Lord can give. Let us worship with joy and let His love flow through our hearts as we wait patiently for His will in our lives.
“Wait on the Lord;
Be of good courage,
And He shall strengthen your heart;
Wait, I say, on the Lord!” ~Psalm 27:14
Forget about the negatives of the past. Don’t worry about the stresses of tomorrow. Live in the beauty of today. You. Are. Beautiful.
“Can a woman forget her nursing child,
And not have compassion on the son of her womb?
Surely they may forget, Yet I will not forget you.
See, I have inscribed you on the palms of My hands;
Your walls are continually before Me.” ~Isaiah 49:15-16
“He has made everything beautiful in its time… I know that nothing is better for them than to rejoice, and to do good in their lives, and also that every man should eat and drink and enjoy the good of all his labor—it is the gift of God.” ~Ecclesiastes 3:11-13
.
I wrote this poem a few years ago for a very special daughter of one of my best friends after the children’s Christmas program at our church. She always had a way of putting life into perspective…
The Brightest Star
A baby born to parents young,
just starting out in life.
She formed a bond of love so tight,
baby, husband, and wife.
All American family,
the world was at their hand.
They dreamed of trips, the three of them,
the ocean and the sand.
The doctors’ words were cruel and hard,
“She’ll never be like those
who run and play, who laugh and sing,
her kind we will dispose.”
Then love broke in their aching hearts,
for quiet answers lie
in Special babies God has blessed,
not the world’s reply.
While all the children shine like stars
on Christmas program night,
this special child the Lord did see
in her the brightest light.
For from her eyes God’s kingdom shines,
her silent lips proclaim,
to ‘sign’ the words from palm to palm,
His praises to exclaim.
Yet through the words she could not sing,
His love she longed to tell.
From palm to palm she ‘signed’ His name,
and Glory on her fell.
.
Thanksgiving & Christmas Thankfulness… My little Speech? Statement? Declaration? My final breath? ;)
I’m so thankful for a faith rooted in love, not terror; in life, not death. I’m so thankful God allowed me to see him through His Spirit…and not in the examples or interpretations of earthly, fallible men. I’m so thankful God gave us his Holy Spirit and his Word for guidance, strength, and comfort, and for the remaining churches that love the outcast like Jesus did (John 4).
I’m so thankful I don’t attend a church that doesn’t allow anyone older than the millennial generation in the worship band/choir but rather exonerates all walks of life (1 Kings 12:13). I’m so thankful I don’t attend a church that doesn’t allow newer, timeless music for fear of letting go of traditions or just plain being stuck in the 80s (Job 32:8-9). I’m so thankful I don’t attend a church that clings to suit & tie & stocking hosiery instead of acknowledging that man looks at the outward appearance while God looks at the heart and wants our worship to be a place where people can be real, be accepted, and be loved in ordinary jeans (1 Samuel 16:7; Matthew 23:27).
I’m so thankful that even though I will never live up to the expectations of people who are so quick to believe the worst, I am forgiven and accepted by a God who loves me just as I was created (John 3:16-17). I’m so thankful for the friends God has placed in my life, people who would not listen to negativity, realizing that to believe hearsay without verification is the same as the original telling of the lie. For lies are only from enemies (Ephesians 4).
I’m so thankful for my husband and the restoration God has worked through our lives. We are not perfect, but we choose not to control each other but rather to let God be in control; we choose to respect instead of belittle; we choose to love in spite of our baggage.
Finally, I’m so very thankful for the children God allowed me to birth; even through the distance, disagreements, and miscommunications, they all know their Momma’s love will never end. My prayer for you is that your road will wind its way to the Lord, that you will always seek Truth, that your faith will be your own, and that to know ”… our struggle is not against flesh and blood {people}, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.” (Ephesians 6:12).
Most of all, never ever forget “…nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 8:38-39).
That is all. (This is about as mushy as I’ll ever get….)
~Nora, Daughter of Abba God, Wife, Mom, Friend.
To those with an understanding heart…this scripture needs no explanation:
There are six things that the Lord hates,
seven that are an abomination to him:
haughty eyes, a lying tongue,
and hands that shed innocent blood,
a heart that devises wicked plans,
feet that make haste to run to evil,
a false witness who breathes out lies,
and one who sows discord among brothers.
~Proverbs 6:16-19
…destruction…
Music is subjective, just like food. I absolutely hate peas. My husband feels the same about onions. I absolutely love onions. My husband loves peas. Different likes and dislikes… neither one of us is in the wrong. We were created as diverse creatures by the same loving God.
But lyrics…
When the lyrics are seasoned with God’s word (and not taken out of context), the music is immortal, just as His word is immortal. “Redeemed” is one such song.
The definition of Redeemed is an exchange: to free, liberate, rescue, or save; to obtain the release or restoration of, as from captivity, by paying a ransom.
In the second verse he writes:
All my life I have been called unworthy
Named by the voice of my shame and regret
This song relates more to my life than most. For years I struggled to be the perfect little Christian so God would actually want me. After spending most of my childhood feeling used up and worthless and spending most of my adult life relating to the rejection and outcast of the woman at the well, my name, my identity, was bound in shame and regret. Even after accepting Christ, I was still haunted by those ugly ghosts that lived in my past. I was bound up in shackles of all my failures, as the song so eloquently writes. I knew God is love. I knew God loves everyone. But because of my shame and regret, I believed God’s love was for everyone else.
I then read the words of King David, my hero, the chief of sinners whom God loved most, in Psalm 27:10, which says, “Though even my father and mother reject me, the Lord will accept me and adopt me as his own.”
The antonym for redeemed is abandon. God in His mercy did not abandon me. No, not even me. Like the unloved woman at the well, he gave me a new life, a new name, and a hope that will carry me home. No. I’m not perfect. I’m not liked by everyone. But I’m not the same, and I shook off those heavy chains of shame and regret ‘cause He’s not done with me yet!
If He gives hope and restoration even to someone like me (and I could tell you stories that would make your head spin), he will and is longing to set you free as well. We can stop fighting on our own, for at the cross he wiped away every stain and the fight’s already been won! I am redeemed and He set me free!
Click here: Official video of Big Daddy Weave “Redeemed”
Writer(s): Michael Weaver, Benji Cowart
Copyright: Word Music Inc., Word Music Inc. O.B.O. Weave Country LLC
.
**Highlights in color are links for more information.
.
The space between. That very long Saturday. The day between what Christians call Good Friday and Easter Sunday. This year… a full moon… a blood moon.
Jesus was a very common name back then. In today’s world, John, Jim, or Bill are the names more will answer to when heard… not so much Jesus. Scripture indicates that by society’s standards, he was just average, someone who would not stand out in a crowd. Yet, he was the establishment’s biggest threat. So they killed him. The high judge, Pilate, proclaimed him innocent. And yet, they were determined to silence his existence. For such an average man, he sure made an impact on the world. The establishment fears truth. And this man, Jesus, was truth. He was God in human form.
All this drama took place on Friday. There were parties full of dissension, convictions, and death. The day has since transformed into huge Hollywood productions. Even today, Friday seems to be a day of drama. It’s the last day of the typical workweek and invariably everything will go wrong at 4:55. It’s date night, and invariably we will have nothing to wear and no money to spend. Yes, Friday will forever be a day of drama.
But…what about Saturday? It’s the day in between. It’s a day of waiting. Most churches have services on Good Friday and then again on Sunday. But Saturday? No, not Saturday.
Every farmer can relate to a time of waiting. The seed is planted in the spring and harvested in the fall. What about summer? No, not summer. In our impatience, we tend to forget about the time in-between. We sow a seed and expect immediate results. In Deuteronomy 7:21-23, God was leading his people into the promised land but ordered a time of waiting. He could have driven out the heathen nations immediately, but the immediate was not in their best interest. Usually, the immediate is not in our best interest either. As with the farmer’s crops, people also need time to grow. Most of the time, we will not understand the reasons for the wait until we have landed on the other side.
Most people find the perseverance to reach maturity the most difficult. In James 1 we are taught that waiting through trials matures and completes our character. As my husband and I are embarking on a new chapter in our lives, we have had a long few months of waiting. I have felt my life in complete limbo lately. My Saturday has turned into several Saturdays. This is very aggravating for someone who needs her ducks in a row. But God always has a purpose for every wait. This past week has been filled with two funerals. Two friends’ lives were snuffed out by cancer. I watched their Saturdays’ wait: waiting for tests, waiting for treatments, waiting for death. But in God’s perfect timing, we were able to be available for our friends, whereas if our move would have occurred on my timing, those opportunities would have been missed and relationships lost.
I can’t even imagine how Jesus’ followers felt on their Saturday. Oh, what a day of confusion that must have been. As difficult as our times of waiting have been, I cannot fathom the vast emotions of everyone from the Disciples to the Pharisees. His followers waited in fear of the establishment while the establishment waited in fear of exposure. Neither knew at the time how the story would end. They could only wait.
But after the wait…
Oh yes, Sunday… a breath of fresh air! Although attempts were made to cover the evidence, too many people saw, too many people knew. The grave coughed up the dead. This average man, Jesus, conquered what no one else would attempt. He rose on the first day of the week, on a Sunday. He took on humanity’s curse and broke through the gates of hell. He came back. He walked with his people. He left his Spirit with us. We can relax. Humanity now has its solution. The drama is complete. We can spend Sunday afternoons in leisure. Everything is finished. God declared a Sabbath, a day of rest, so we reflect on Him in worship. Sundays are for rejuvenation. Yes, Sunday will forever be a day of new beginnings.
Can we trust Him during our wait? Believe that God works everything for our good. Look for your Sunday. For there you will find God’s grace. No matter the trials or persecution, the Lord brings peace… even in death. For in death, we find life.
“Jesus himself stood among them, and said to them, “Peace to you!”” ~Luke 24:36
.
**Highlights in color are links for more information.
.
Stop talking about death as a finality! Mourning is only for those left behind. For those who know our Creator and who accept Christ, we simply begin a new chapter…a heavenly chapter where God wipes every tear from our eyes. We need not fear a new beginning. Fear resides with the unknown, an unwillingness to let go of the mortal. Let the dead bury the dead…“To live is Christ and to die is gain.”
.
Short post…just thinking…
If G.K. Chesterton, one of the most prolific writers in the 20th century, was educated at St. Paul’s, but never went to college. He went to art school…
And if Louis L’Amour, one of the world’s most popular writers, only had eight years of formal schooling…
Maybe…just maybe…
I can do anything!
“Start writing, no matter what. The water does not flow until the faucet is turned on.” ~Louis L’Amour
“Without education, we are in a horrible and deadly danger of taking educated people seriously.” ~G.K. Chesterton
.
If there is one person I could pick to meet in heaven, that would be Isaiah. I’ve often wondered what he looks like. In my obscure mind, my image of our heavenly bodies is of an age of perfection. Mine? Well… if there ever was an age where my body was at its best, it would have to be before kids! For men, though, they seem to mature much later than women… in more ways than just the physical. Don’t mock… that’s a proven psychological fact, per the so-called experts! Just look at Hollywood. Women are done by the time they are old enough to attend the R-rated movie they just starred in! Men? Well… I’ll have to save my comments about Sean Connery for another post… ;)
Elihu said in Job 32:9, “It is not the old who are wise, nor the aged who understand what is right.” Meaning, even though he gives the impression of being aged, Isaiah could well have been a young man. Proverbs 16:31 says, “Gray hair is a crown of glory; it is gained in a righteous life.” Did Isaiah have gray hair? Was he bald? Most women lost their “crowns” when Miss Clairol came to town!
These are just rambling thoughts. We really don’t know. Some days I hate the loss of anonymity with the discovery of digital photography. Centuries from now our offspring will look back at us and say, “Geez, could she wear anything more outdated than that?”
Without knowing the nature of their physical appearance, their words are profound to a much greater degree. We are able to hone in on the message rather than be distracted by crooked noses or Dumbo ears. Applying the message to our lives is their ultimate goal. Maybe that is the reason God did not allow our brains to comprehend the technical until this century. Could be?
The message Isaiah conveyed in chapter 54 has been life to my soul for the past 15 years or so.
I am fine without a man around. As a child, my dad was not around much. Although it’s not his fault, and I do not blame or hold anything against him, it was just the way life was. He was gone at sea for months at a time and almost two years in Vietnam during the Navy days. When civilian life hit, he always worked two and three jobs, and always second shift, with me in school during the day. I remember most of his time at home, only seeing him on Sunday afternoons, taking a nap in his recliner. Through my 20s, my ex-husband also worked evenings/nights, leaving me alone to care for the babies. Needless to say, I learned early not to physically depend on any man.
Yet, I secretly yearned for that umbrella, that sort of protection that a “man” covering provided. I think every woman does. It’s in our nature, no matter how we fight to be independent. So we seek out people in our lives to provide the kind of physical and emotional security no man has ever been equipped to provide. Men search too… just in different areas. They seek security in their careers or physical escapades. I think we humans tend to seek to fill our holes in places that are temporal or were not created to “complete” or make us whole.
Oh my, the relief when I first read Isaiah 54 and realized I already had that protector! That chapter was an uncanny reflection of my life, written centuries ago! I was that bride who married young, only to be rejected. But God spread my “tents” and filled them with His little blessings. He has proven over and over that He, and He alone, is my provider. He has never failed me. He takes care of me… of me!
A few years ago I finally quit expecting others to fill only that which God is able. My fulfillment is not their responsibility! No, I don’t need a husband, kids, family, friends, job, house, dog, or cat to fulfill my deepest longing, that longing for security. The things of this world are temporal. Only God, our creator, can provide the eternal. Only He is able to flow his Spirit through our soul and bring wholeness!
My life did not follow the path I planned, but God in his mercy restored to me that which the locust had eaten (Joel 25). My faith is in God, my protector, my provider, my promise. He has also restored to me an earthly husband to be my umbrella while here on earth. I now have a beautiful foretaste of the security we will one day experience in our eternal home.
I now have hope.
.
**Highlights in color are links for more information.
.
As the ice forms solid
Reflecting winters’ cry
With ever changing grid
Creation heaves her sigh
.
“Do not boast about tomorrow,
for you do not know what a day may bring.” Proverb 27:1
~Six years ago this am… :(
That morning, I didn’t even read past the first verse. I usually don’t on this day of January each year. Next year, I think I’ll leave that book alone. Some anniversaries are simply too painful.
We know the birth of one baby will change the whole dynamics of an entire family, no matter how many down the line. So tell me… why would the death of one child, even more so, change the dynamics of an entire family… even the extended family?
We love. We grow. We build our world. Since you don’t miss what you don’t know, if it is never there, we never love. When we love, and that love is ripped from us, our world is full of empty holes.
But oh, to cherish the memories of love…
It is said the only constant in life is change. I don’t know if change in and of itself is either good or bad. It just is. The insecure and fearful will fight change. The stubborn and controlling will fight change. But sometimes… the very tired will grow weary of change.
Life can crush our spirit. With change, God can refresh our circumstances… and our spirit. Time does heal… only with the strength of God’s word to lean on. With each death a new era is born. With each change a new hope is secured.
Embrace the here and now. Let go of the past. Give God the future. For… we never know what a day may bring…
Oh how I miss that little Sunshine on my Shoulder…
.
My husband and I had a little discussion the other day about people-pleasers being one and the same as self-pleasers. We talked about a lot of controversial points in today’s world, so he suggested I put our conversation in another blog post. The people-pleasing theme has already run through many of my posts, so this may be a reiteration of a post I wrote about people-pleasers here: People Pleasers and Brownie Points; and also my post on why people don’t like us here: Can We Just Like Each Other? So, I thought I had it covered.
However, he then asked, “Can you be a people-pleaser without being a self–pleaser?” In my prior posts, I alluded to people-pleasers being one and the same as self-pleasers. My question in my overly analytical mind is, “Why do we want to make everyone else happy?” What’s the bottom line? Is our heart’s motive selfless or self-serving?
I know of at least two churches where the preachers taught on the subject just this past Sunday! Lately, I’ve seen several articles, posts, blogs, etc. on this subject. Hordes of books have been written on people-pleasing, approval addiction, and boundaries in the past few years. Some hype could be the psychological money-making bandwagon. But when the phenomenon reaches numerous pulpits, we need to take notice.
With God, everything is a matter of the heart, even when we are pleasing Him.
We must ask ourselves:
We have begun to wonder if some sort of revival is beginning to break out over our country. Fence riders are beginning to fall off. One of those fences is full of people-pleasers. Eventually, everyone will have to choose one side or the other, so we might as well start now!
When revival and/or trials hit, God calls his people to step up to the spiritual (not religious) plate. He said we are not able to live by double standards. God is not only love, not only grace, but God is truth. Where do we get our screwed-up lives from? Lies. Deceit. Lies. Hypocrisy is rooted in lies. Double standards are rooted in lies. And believe it or not, people-pleasing is rooted in lies… for by pleasing one, another must suffer. We will never make everyone happy at the same time!
Maybe God is fed up with our fence-riding and is finally pushing us to stand for integrity. Perhaps He is building character in His children to enable us to survive the hard times most are predicting. I don’t believe for one second the martyred Christians were seeking the approval of man. How will we react when evil hits our doorstep? You’ve heard the line in the old Aaron Tippin country song, “If you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything.” God just wants our yes to be yes and our no to be no (even in the little things!) so we will have the character needed to withstand anything the enemy throws at us! Jesus said in John 5:41, “Your approval or disapproval means nothing to me.” Perhaps we should follow his example.
God’s approval is all we need. Yet, we tend to have an unhealthy fear of man, seeking popularity over integrity, instead of a spirit of love and respect for God.
Lord, forgive us for our apathy. Help us to follow truth, no matter who it hurts. Because following truth is following you. Help us to stand for that which is right. Because in standing for that which is right, we are standing in love for all.
.
.
**Highlights in color are links for more information.
.
Why are we attracted to the beauty of the setting sun? Or, for those who can stomach opening your eyes before a couple pots of coffee, the rising sun?
Painted by God in 2009
God’s creation. It’s what we are. God put the beauty of His creation in our eyes…in us.
I love taking pictures of sunsets. Just a thought…but how many different ways can one photograph a sunset? If you’ve seen one…you’ve seen them all…
No…just like you and me…each is unique. Each sunset is written with the breath of God’s beauty. Just as we never tire of hearing our spouse say “I love you” we never tire of hearing God say “I love you” with each sunset he sends…
Sunset painted today…
God’s love never changes…
.
(These are my pictures…you are welcome to share because I love to spread smiles!)
“Take away the dross from the silver,
and the smith has material for a vessel” Proverbs 25:4
Have you ever watched a silversmith work his magic? It’s quite intriguing to see the excruciatingly hot furnace burn everything to ash, leaving only the purest of the metals. The leftover is the only useful element of the whole product. The process to meliorate a perfect piece of jewelry is through intense fire. The higher quality my silver pendant, the more money the jeweler will siphon from my bank account. The saying, “You get what you pay for!” is true on so many levels. A silver pendant at a dime store may look nice the first few days, but eventually, the outside coating will wear off, exposing the pendant’s true nature… fake junk.
I wrote about the Refiner a year ago here: Refined Restoration. I love the analogy Solomon uses in this verse to describe the process by which God clears out our flaws. It hurts to realize we have issues. When the “Silversmith” exposes our imperfections, the process of cleaning out our hearts is without a doubt downright humiliating. Recently, a lady sat across the table from me stating how she could write novels about others who did such-and-such to her. But then, she stated that she never did such-and-such to anyone else. As I respectfully kept quiet, my mind was recalling several instances where she had done such-and-such to me! Do I only see the flaws of others and not of myself? Lord, burn me in that fire…
Ouch!!
But the second half of the verse gives us hope. Most of us wonder if we have purpose in life. His word says we were created with purpose. The problem with us humans… we are too fearful of pain, too full of pride, to allow Him to mold us into a creation of usefulness, a useful vessel. Because of the inherited sin nature, we are full of flaws, personality defects, and death. Are we letting God grow and mature us? When we allow God to run us through the “fire” to take away our dross (flaws), we cool into pure creatures full of God’s love.
Are we fake junk?
Have we been purified by the Silversmith?
“Love is very patient and kind, never jealous or envious, never boastful or proud, never haughty or selfish or rude. Love does not demand its own way. It is not irritable or touchy. It does not hold grudges and will hardly even notice when others do it wrong. It is never glad about injustice, but rejoices whenever truth wins out. If you love someone, you will be loyal to him no matter what the cost. You will always believe in him, always expect the best of him, and always stand your ground in defending him.” ~1 Corinthians 13:4-7
.
**Highlights in color are links for more information.
.
“Differing weights and differing measures—
the Lord detests them both.” 20:10
~Not only applicable to business practices…but to relationships as well. Do we have one standard for one person, but not the same expectation for another? Do we love others based on their ability to live up to our standards? We tend to view others based on our personal perspective derived from our own world. When we quit expecting others to love based on our standards, and quit trying to seek love based on another person’s standards, we recognize the Lord is the only entity who loves us unconditionally. The Lord is the only one who shows NO partiality in whom he loves. He is the only one who truthfully sees our heart. He loves me. He loves you! Rest.
Beautiful Differing Feet!
.
Here’s that mood again. So tell me… what if a person was not meant to be born? How is their life justified? Does the life that was not meant to be actually have purpose?
Deep questions for a dreary rainy day.
I know a lot of babies these days are born outside the traditional home. I feel a sense of connection for those born out of wedlock. Do they use that word anymore? I don’t know. I guess it’s the new norm. It seems no one even knows what virginity is these days; maybe we never did. Every generation drifts farther and farther from that biblical “family unit” we were taught by our grandparents. I’ve read that the generations from the Millennials on down are more likely to live together than to get married, to risk getting divorced. I don’t agree (since statistics show otherwise), but I thoroughly understand.
So… Mom gets pregnant. Sometimes Dad stays; mostly he moves on. Sometimes we have two moms, and sometimes, two dads. Unfortunately, it seems there is no “norm” these days.
I sure do wish the “anything goes” philosophy was not accepted back in my day. Do the kids of today feel the awkwardness from being born as the result of a “non-biblical” situation? Has society evolved enough that no one cares?
I felt it… the rejection. In some ways, I still feel it.
The lies Satan whispers in my ear:
Oh yes, I’ve heard it all. The excuses, the cover-ups, the lies. What it boils down to is this: I wasn’t supposed to be here. Right? Maybe. But doesn’t God himself breathe life? If so, why did He breathe life into me if I was not to be? Would I not have survived those near-death experiences if I were not to be here?
Even if those closest to me whisper or shout those lies of Satan in my ears, my peace comes from knowing God’s sacrifice says I have value and purpose!
I wonder if my own experience is the basis for my deep pro-life stance. My empathy generates great passion for the unborn, unwanted, and unloved. What right do I have to life if another is aborted or abandoned? Why me and not another?
Sometimes… I really do wish I could take their place…
“Although my father and my mother have abandoned me, yet the Lord will take me up [adopt me as His child].”~Psalm 27:10 (AMP)
**Highlights in color are links for more information.
.
Bleach is one chemical I refuse to reject. When whites do not come out of the washer as white as white can be, they are promptly run through a recycle with a load of bleach. Oh yes, my whites are white—not any shade of grey!
I’ll make this post short. A while back, I wrote a piece about p@rn and its effects on marriage and family here: From a Wife’s Perspective. That post was, admittedly, not one of my best—kind of dry. I really should take the time to rewrite, but life and too many other thoughts keep distracting me.
The main theme in this TV series is the destruction of marriage and family. Yet, a deeper side effect is the damage to the psyche. After immersing into the world of lust, the images are embedded in the memory. We need help from God above to renew the mind. Trust me—I’ve seen firsthand the fallout.
Most men don’t realize the girl in front of the camera is somebody’s daughter, somebody’s future wife, somebody’s future mother. And girlfriends, that man behind the camera is nowhere close to the kind of love we all desire.
What are we committed to? Where are our loyalties? If you are not committed to your marriage, you are flirting with adultery and divorce. Men, do you not realize that one man’s trash is another man’s treasure? Women, do you not realize one woman’s knock-off is another woman’s designer wardrobe? If you treasure your marriage (or future marriage), your entire heart will be in it. You will protect it. You will love, support, and cherish your spouse. S@x was created by God himself—and it is beautiful. Abuse only distorts God’s creation. Love the way Jesus loves us, with a pure and faithful love.
Do we all not desire identity? At the root of all desire is the need for fulfillment. How can anyone be whole, secure, or complete if their heart is focused on the temporal? Everything, yes, everything on this earth will eventually decay—including that beautiful fantasy.
The eternal is all that will fill the holes in our hearts. Put your identity in Him.
You are fearfully and wonderfully made from the hands and heart of our creator!
(Instead of supporting an industry that exploits the abuse of women, donate to your local women’s shelter instead—you may just save a life!)
.
**Highlights in color are links for more information.
.
I have at least three things I really need to be doing right now…
But…here I sit…writing. I had a brainstorm. **Sigh**
I picked a daily proverb this morning for my proverbial Facebook post that had not been posted in the past: Proverbs 10:1. A couple of hours later, I received word from a good friend that a former co-worker had just passed away. After hearing of her death, the 7th verse, one I have often quoted, is all that runs through my mind.
“…but the name of the wicked will rot.” (Proverbs 10:7)
Oh yes… I remember my old co-worker. All I can say is I hope and pray, after they found the cancer, that she took the time to make amends with whomever she was continually infuriated with. Even more so, I pray she made amends with Jesus. Hopefully, before she passed away, she found forgiveness (My Thoughts on Forgiveness) for herself and others. The sad thing is, even though we have no right to judge her or guess where she is now, my memories of her character are so negative, my hope for a positive afterlife is not very…hopeful. Then again, do we really know? I can imagine the office atmosphere now is, how shall we say tactfully, lighter? I myself have been accused at times of being a grump at work. We all have bad days now and then. But we’re able to get over ourselves and bounce right back to our usual cheerfulness. And then there’s that one…
That grump, day in and day out, who is always irritated at nearly everything. That one co-worker, friend, or relative who ravages peace and thrives on hate.
How will future generations hold our memory?
As we pass into the abyss of history, our future generations will only identify our name as either good or bad. The only thing that will matter a hundred years from now is the character we leave behind. Not a single physical thing, only our character.
Will our memory be a blessing or a curse??
Will all this drama really matter a hundred years from now?
.
**Highlights in color are links for more information.
.
We will not live one day more…nor one day less
than God himself ordained.
Neither will the Sun set one day more…
nor one day less…
Life’s Sunset…
“My child, listen to me and do as I say,
and you will have a long, good life.” Proverbs 4:10
I love old Indian and Irish proverbs. But I especially love the Proverbs after the Psalms. Most of the quotes are principles, not rules. I wonder how much better off we would be if they were actually approved by Congress and converted into law. I know, crazy, right?!!
Today’s Proverb, the 4th chapter, presents reasons to adhere to wisdom. A while back, I received an e-mail with a series of pictures depicting the crazy, risky, and downright stupid things men do, like climbing a metal ladder in a flooded garage to change a light bulb. The caption was Why Women Live Longer Than Men! Oh yes, it was so true! Not a lot of wisdom there! In the Proverb, wisdom is described as a form of person using the female gender. I love that. Not just because I am female, although it is flattering, but because by using the female gender, God is saying that wisdom should be treated as a lady. A lady who is cherished, cared for, and loved. To put it in today’s terms, wisdom should become your basic soulmate.
We are also warned to be VERY careful of the advice you receive. The only way to know wisdom is to keep His word in your heart (verse 21). The proverb speaks of adhering to his fatherly advice. Whose advice?? I don’t believe he is talking about our earthly father but our heavenly father. What man can give infallible advice? No one I know! Most men (and women, of course) will screw it up. The chapter reiterates any advice must be backed in truth or destruction will follow. I think we have all, at one time or another, taken or given well-intentioned advice that ended up in disaster.
I wrote a piece about Job’s Three Friends, highlighting the destructive force stemming from advice based on a self-centered viewpoint, along with a lack of or inaccurate and/or false information. Do you pray for wisdom? Do you pray you receive advice based on Godly wisdom? Do you pray you give advice based on Godly wisdom? Wisdom is based on truth. God’s truth. Do you seek truth?
Do you seek truth??
Have you had relationships turn sour due to someone listening to bad advice? It hurts. The kicker is, unless the person who accepted the bad advice (subsequently causing the fraction) is the one to correct the fallacious perception others received, there is nothing you can do. Just sit back and wait. In the end, God will correct all wrongs in His time. I admit, that’s better said than done if you are a justice-minded person! **Sigh**
The Proverbs contain a mountain of common sense. I’m sure there is a study out there somewhere, and I would not be surprised if the biblical Proverbs are the most quoted of all idioms. They get into your soul. Small quotes are easy to remember…and small candid Biblical quotes have the power to guide us to better lives.
Shine bright!
.
**Highlights in color are links for more information.
.
I may get some flak for saying this, but people-pleasers are very self-centered individuals!
When you run across someone who simply cannot say “no” to anyone, do you think to yourself, “My, what a nice person”? Or… what do you think of the person who can’t stand anyone being mad at them? Do you automatically think, “Oh, they are such sweet, peace-loving people”?
If we cannot say “no” to people, we are in essence saying “no” to God. What if God did not want that thing or situation for that person or for us? We cannot please both man and God, can we? And yet, we put our efforts into pleasing other people because we crave the affirmation we receive from their appreciation because it feels good… to us. People-pleasers long to earn those “brownie points,” as I used to tease my kids. We want to please Mommy so we can have an extra helping of ice cream on top of those brownies! We get a thrill out of the warm fuzzies and all the attention we get from making others happy by using our gift of hospitality to earn kudos. Aren’t those kinds of people popular? We give so we can get. Do we please others to puff up ourselves? Philippians 2:3-4 says, “Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.” Are our motives out of selfish ambition?
On the other hand, we sometimes please (or go around doing “good” to others) out of fear of reprisals. When we teach our toddler not to touch that hot stove, they will obey (do good) out of their fear of pain. We please our teacher out of fear of a bad grade. We please our friends or family out of fear of rejection. We want to “please” God by following the “letter of the law” because we are under the impression He will love us more and we will have a greater reward in heaven one day (earn those “brownie points”) if we follow those do’s and don’ts. Most people with a works-based mentality will typically fall under the belief (of which I have had thrown at me way too many times) that as Christians we need to be good little boys and girls or God will reject us. On the surface, it sounds good. We give so we can get. Do we please God and people out of fear? 1 John 4:18 says, “There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.” Oh, to come to the place where we long to do “good” out of love… not fear.
Do we think God doesn’t know our motives behind our wanting to please Him? He doesn’t want puppets; he wants relationships!
God cares more about our hearts than our actions. I believe it all boils down to the words of Jesus in Matthew 22:35-40 that says to love God, and ‘love your neighbor as yourself.’ To Love. Contributing to the happiness of others in order to fluff our own happiness or to save our own skin is not love. Contributing to the best interest of others for their sake, in their best interest (not enablement), without expecting them to even so much as “like” us… is love. Do we always love others, even when we are not loved in return? No, that’s just too hard. Sometimes, I really just want to smack people. And I guess maybe God really just wants to smack me! And yet, He loves us… without expecting anything in return. He loves without expecting us to please him. He just loves. 1 John 4:18-20 says that “we love because God first loved us.” That means we did not love first, He did. He set the example. We are to follow suit. We are to love (do for) others as He loves us, without expectation. What is our motive behind pleasing God and others?
Although God wants good things for his children, he never tries to please us. He is not a people-pleaser! He gives us that which is in our best interest. He says wait. He says yes. He says no. Giving us that which is in our best interest instead of our own wants and desires is love. Pleasing us for our happiness is not love. Giving us that which is in our best interest, even that with which we are not pleased, is love.
In our devotions this morning, the question was posed, “Is it better to please God or to trust God?” Now, obviously, by the way it is worded, the correct answer is to trust. When we are focused on pleasing, we are not trusting. What does trusting God look like? Do we trust God for our best interest? Do we really believe He loves us? If we trust in His love, we won’t expect anything in return. We will know He has our back. We will not feel the need to please Him to be accepted. We only please Him when we love Him and love what He loves. We follow His instructions because we trust and know His ways lead to life.
He really does have our best interests at heart. Typically, we want to be like those we love. When we love God, we want to be like Jesus.
Are you a people-pleaser or a people-lover? Are you a God-pleaser or a God-lover?
Peace and pure pleasure only comes when we fully trust in His love.
.
**Highlights in color are links for more information.
.
And the church is now debating youth groups…
The newest movement in the church world today is the “Integration of the Congregation.” The concept is such that our kids are falling away, as argued in one of many circles, such as in this article, Charisma News, which discusses statistics showing youth groups are driving Christian teens to abandon the faith. The trend is leading the church to abandon their youth groups.
The debate seems to be about destructive peer pressure in church. The new thought process is that separating youth from parents in church waters down and annihilates any teaching of Godly principles, leaving youth abandoned to seek total downfall with their church peers. By integrating the youth with the adults, they will learn to become exemplary, well rounded, Christian grown-ups. In all the articles I’ve read on Family Integration, statistics and scripture references are used to back up this theory: Deuteronomy 16:9-14, Joshua 8:34-35, Ezra 10:1, 2 Chronicles 20:13, Nehemiah 12:43 and Joel 2:15-16… just to quote a few from the above article. But, if you look at these scriptures, they talk of feasts and assembly gatherings (you know… church), but do not mention youth groups. In fact, I don’t think anyone has found any scripture stating youth groups are not allowed. (Yet, the Bible doesn’t mention cigarettes either. Just sayin’!) One of the verses used by most pastors when it comes to family worship is Deuteronomy 6:4-7, which instructs fathers to teach the statutes to their children. Yes… the fathers to teach their children. So, is this proof we need to abolish youth groups and put everyone together?
And then…finally…here is a common sense article by Ed Stetzer debunking the theory that all youth groups are bad, posted in Christianity Today. It’s ironic; sometimes Ed Stetzer and Christianity Today can be somewhat liberal-leaning! Actually, Mr. Stetzer debunks the statistics used by arguments for the bad youth group theory. When the statistics are skewed, we are compelled to take another look at our theories. I am not at all against Family Integration, rather I am for it. But I am not against abolishing our youth groups either.
This post is obviously just my humble opinion… but my opinion is based on experience… from my own youth. You see, I had a drug problem. My parents dragged me to church every week! (Bet you haven’t heard that one before! LOL!) Seriously, that is about the one thing my parents did right. Part of my “testimony” is that I hated church… and youth group… from being a pretty messed up youth myself. I felt all the kids were either hypocrites or dorks. They were not the kind of kids I preferred to hang out with on a Friday night… and I didn’t. I partied. And partied. But that’s another story…
In spite of hating youth group…the Gospel got in.
It. Got. In.
And I came back. Not just to church. I came back to Jesus.
Yes, some of my most pivotal memories are of little words, verses, or phrases Ron or Lindell spoke here and there. And then, there are the Sunday school teachers (Lenny being my favorite) who put up with us one hour a week, speaking into our lives.
And the list goes on…
I’ve often wondered over the years how many of them thought they were wasting their time. How many of them thought I was a waste…
I wonder where I would be if the church my parents attended (quite by default due to my grandma) did not have a youth group. Would I have created less trouble for myself and others? Would I be here today? No, I don’t believe so.
Listening to the many comments in favor of abandoning youth groups, I hear a resounding argument that the youth would be naturally sitting at home on Daddy’s knee listening to him quote scripture every waking hour.
Maybe in a bubble.
Not in my family.
Not in today’s world.
Yes, we were a “Christian” family. We went to church. We talked the talk. But not once do I remember my dad leading in anything other than prayer before dinner on Sunday afternoon. Even if he wanted to, how could he? He was either on a ship somewhere or working 2nd shift during the week. Neither did his father nor his father before him. I don’t blame them; they were living as their fathers before them taught. They were doing the best they could. Our forefathers believed the way to show love to the family was to work and leave the teaching to Momma and the public schools.
Hey, Church! That’s the real world.
Yes, I gathered some instruction from my family. But when a teenager is “troubled,” their parent is the last person they will follow. That’s reality.
What would have happened if I did not have a youth group? Where else would I have gone for instruction? The very places that encouraged my self-destructive behavior to flourish: the world. Yes, the public school and, of course, my wild peers.
Now, they say times have changed. We watched a clip in church this morning interviewing several Millennials about their perception of the world and what it is like to be a Millennial Christian. Their words took me back to my own youth. You know what? Nothing has changed. Not really. As a child of the 60s & 70s, I had the same outlook…round peg in a square hole. I have a sneaky feeling teens have experienced the same moods since Adam & Eve. We can blame it on almost anything, but common sense says the human body changes and we grow up, during which time we search for purpose and value. We learn to choose between right and wrong, searching to fill the hole created by our own sin. That hole that only God can fill. Youth grow to adults, and in the process, we all seek to fit somewhere in society. Heck, even the disciples jockeyed for position…trying to “fit in.”
Youth of every millennium sought their place in adulthood. Where is the best place to navigate those roads? I believe both the family and youth groups are the answer. The best place is the place where they can find Jesus. If a teenager lived in a spiritually non-existent family, would they receive instruction outside of church? No. If a teen is in a spiritually non-existent church, would they receive instruction sitting in the pew next to their parents listening to the pastor? No. Are there churches with youth groups that are simply playtime? Yes. Are there families who are only “Christian” on Sundays? Yes.
As for the theory of separation, in most American churches, after “Sunday School” is over, when the kids are old enough to sit for a spell (older than toddler age), most of the teens are already sitting (integrated) in the church service… sometimes bored to death. But… the Holy Spirit can work years later to bring back God’s word to a broken heart. God’s word permeates into our deaf ears. And the “youth groups” that are in question? They almost always meet outside of Sunday morning services, such as a Sunday evening or mid-week night. Most active youth groups meet more than adult life groups! Would you rather your teens go to the parties I attended on the weekend or to a church youth event? I thought so. Are there “bad” activities going on during church events? Yes, sometimes… for we live in a fallen world. Are there “bad” activities going on during social, non-churched events? Of this, I can assure you, almost always.
I believe this whole argument boils down to… somebody just wanting to nitpick something to complain about!
If you want to “fix” our youth, abolishing the group is throwing out the baby with the bathwater. Preach to the fathers. Yes, instruct the fathers in how to teach their children. And in all reality, that may fail. Bad stats show somewhere around 50% in the church are divorced/single parent households, where it is more likely around 25-30%… which is still huge no matter how you look at the issue. Embrace those kids from dysfunctional families, as well as kids whose parents are unchurched. When the fathers are absent, create churches that will hire Youth Pastors and not Youth Directors. Train leaders who will teach Jesus in truth as well as love to kids. Create an atmosphere where youth have a safe place as they learn to break the parental apron strings and grow into adulthood.
Then, and only then, will you have an explosion of salvation in our youth culture…. our future!
God’s Spirit will bring His word back to our hurting hearts!
.
**Highlights in color are links for more information.
.
“’It is worthless, it is worthless!’ says the buyer; but when he goes his way, then he boasts about his bargain.” ~Proverbs 20:14
My husband hates to negotiate. Some of it is sheer personality, but mostly, negotiating is an indication that one of the parties is attempting to get something for nothing. Either the seller has inflated the price to portray something more than it is worth, or the buyer (as in the Proverb) is casting doubt on the quality in order to pay less than the actual worth. Inadvertent theft.
Does God do that with us? He could have. He had every right to cast full light on our sin and expose our worthlessness. Jesus could have called down all the Angels in heaven to keep from paying the price asked for our sins.
But he didn’t.
He paid a price we were unable to pay. He willingly sacrificed an inflated price for our worthlessness. And yet, as he walked away, arose to heaven, instead of proclaiming our worthlessness…he proclaimed nothing but love.
“It is more blessed to give than to receive.” Acts 20:35
Grandma’s Relics
.
“Any story sounds true until someone tells the other side and sets the record straight.” ~Proverbs 18:17
~A wise one is never gullible. As the saying goes…don’t believe anything you hear and only half of what you see…no matter who it’s from.
When you hear a sob story, are you listening to an opinion or an account of actual events? How many relationships have been destroyed by gullible good people not verifying statements from trusted sources? We hear the hurt in their voices as they recount events that describe injustices done and we want to defend our loved ones & friends against the evil that has been inflicted on them. Why would we question their side of the issues? After all, they are our best friend, our teacher, our pastor, our mentor, our parent. Why would we question?
We question because we live in a fallible world. We are all one-sided human beings. We react and feel based on OUR own experiences. And just maybe, just maybe, they themselves do not know the other side.
We woke up to a bang outside our bedroom window a few weeks back. Big bangs are never a peaceful way to start the morning. It always means my coffee will be delayed. Not good. :( My husband went out to see if everyone was safe. The teenage boy who crossed the middle line on his way to school was a fairly new driver. I felt sorry and glad for him at the same time. While it’s never good to be in any accident, sometimes, especially for boys, having a non-injury accident early on teaches hard lessons in humility.
The first-hand account from the second vehicle following the youth claimed the youth was trying to pass another vehicle and he did not have enough room to return to his lane before hitting the oncoming truck, spinning both the youth’s car and the truck off into the cornfield. Of this, he was certain of what he witnessed.
The problem is…there was no vehicle in front of the youth for him to pass…in all actuality, he was reaching in the passenger’s seat for his brush. I guess he forgot to look in the mirror before leaving home. When mom arrived, taking pictures on her cell phone, he was definitely red-faced!
This is why law enforcement are trained to take all statements before writing up a report. They look at all angles before making any conclusions.
Basically…they unknowingly adhere to the **gasp** Bible… “He who states his case first seems right, until his rival comes and cross-examines him.” ~Proverbs 18:17 .
Why can’t we do that with our relationships? Do we really…really…know what it is we think we know??
Maybe…just maybe…we should at least ask??
Maybe…just maybe…that is what you would want others to do for you??
“Better a small serving of vegetables with love
than a fattened calf with hatred.” v15:17
Family. You’ve heard the saying, “You can’t live with them, but you can’t live without them either.” … Well, yes, I can live without them. They say blood is thicker than water…but I don’t believe that is true for humans. We are fallible beings. I do believe that is true for God’s people, who are connected through the perfect blood of Jesus…not the blood of a fallible man.
Do you remember family dinners? Are they even in existence anymore? When disharmony is the dish of the day…a TV tray is much more peaceful. Sadly, we miss out on family time. But, when the conflict, back-biting, ridiculing, and the put-down’s flow, I’d much rather sit by myself with a bowl of…dare I say…broccoli *gasp* than to sit at a full table with people who cause one to have to come up fighting just to breathe. Yep…you can keep your fattened calf.
The family God brings into my life is where the love flows…
Fattened calf…actually, this was probably a bull at one time… ;)
A proverb a day: Does it really work? I believe so. Sometimes those short daily “reminders” keep us jolted into the right direction. I once read an interview with Billy Graham, who said he reads a Psalm a day to improve his vertical relationships and a Proverb a day to improve his horizontal relationships. (Vertical meaning with God, horizontal meaning with mankind) I’ve found his words to be true. While simply reading the Bible won’t fix all our problems (it has to be applied), it sure does give us tools to cope.
A while back, I started posting “Your Daily Proverb” on my Facebook page… which has been a humorous hit, mostly because I find a ton of humor, along with a lot of good old-fashioned common sense, in the Proverbs. Plus, I tend to see things others might miss. Today, though, I posted one that is a little more on the serious side… because it hit home. (And maybe because today I am fighting the proverbial sinusitis, and my head makes me just want to slap people!) Maybe I might just start a page on my blog with all my Daily Proverbs… we’ll see. I hope you find today’s pick insightful:
Your Daily Proverb:
“The simpleton believes every word he hears, but the prudent man looks and considers well where he is going.” ~Proverbs 14:15
~Simpleton. Such a cool word for a simple person! I like that word. Simpleton. How many relationships do you know have been destroyed because someone believed the negative, even from a trusted source, without even verifying if the negative words spoken (your basic gossip) were even close to the truth? Simpletons have no desire to seek truth. That which is right is found in the prudent.
Maybe tomorrow… when the fog clears… I’ll post my normal humor… :/
(I’m not sure what this picture of a praying mantis hiding in my mums has to do with this post… but there you go…)
.
“Why do you find it so hard to like me?” That seems to be a common question in our society. Bookstore shelves are full of self-help books trying to answer this question. We seem to think that happiness in our horizontal relationships, and not our vertical relationships, is the key to inner satisfaction. But we don’t stop to consider that we are fallible beings. Why do we always have our expectations too high? We tend to walk through relationship after relationship automatically setting ourselves up for failure.
So, why? Why do some people like me… and others don’t?
Do you not like me because of something I did… or who I am?
Do you not like me because…
*of my gender or ethnicity? (Like, I can help that?)
*of differing religions? (Love the person, not the sin!)
*of my accent, level of education, or social status? (We all put on our pants one leg at a time!)
*you feel threatened by my position or that I have a position you wanted? (Work/church/etc.)
*I have physical/mental deformities? (But for the grace of God, there go I…)
*I am single… married… divorced? (This is a big one!)
*I am married to your dad/mom (the step syndrome!) …or your ex (the jealous syndrome)?
*am I married/related to someone you don’t like? (Soooo junior high!)
*am I married/related to someone you do like? (Again… soooo junior high!)
*I may have been mean or ignored you in Junior High? (People do change, you know!)
*you had me on a pedestal, and in my humaneness, I let you down? (Your own unrealistic expectations!)
Do I not like you for the same reasons??
Isn’t it about time we all got over ourselves???
Most people are consumed with their own little world. They go through life worried about the thoughts others have toward them, when, in reality, others are only consumed with themselves and don’t even give a thought to anyone else.
One of my favorite sayings…
At 20 we’re only concerned with what others think of us.
At 40 we really don’t care what others think of us.
At 60 we realize nobody really thinks of us.
And at 80 we finally just live happy!
Have you known people who were not concerned with how someone they deem as insignificant was hurt by what they did, while their concern was wrapped around the thought that someone they deem as important may not like them? People-pleasers always hurt someone. Think about it. If everyone has their own agenda, whose agenda do you fulfill? People-pleasers are also peace-keepers rather than peace-makers. Peace-keepers will please the dominant people to keep the drama at a minimum, all the while hurting the meek. But peace-makers will stand by the truth and only please God. Either way, someone will always be upset, mad, and outright disgruntled because we are selfish human beings who only want our own agenda. Someone will always make everyone feel bad for not following their agenda. And so will the next person. And the next…
Some people seem to be plagued by mean people, while I seem to be plagued by people-pleasers! Then again… maybe I am the mean person who plagues others! LOL! That’s not my heart, though. Frankly, my intentions are usually, always, most of the time, meant for the good. But then again, they say the addict is the last to admit to any indiscretion. Even though I have studied psychology and all the personality/temperament types… perhaps, just perhaps, “myself” is the last thing I see?? But when you only strive to stand for the truth, no matter who is offended or upset, God is always behind the scenes working for our good (Romans 8:28).
In God’s amazing design, everyone is different. We all have varying personalities, backgrounds, belief systems, and social and economic statuses. I’ve read that 10% of people in your life will not like you no matter what you do. Some personalities will naturally clash. The trick is to overcome our individual preferences and develop an attitude of acceptance. But then, we can’t be offended over every little thing. Attitudes of acceptance require self-acceptance. We need to be secure in who we are as well. Do we even like ourselves? We should. God doesn’t make mistakes! Knowing that God loves us and accepts our personhood should alleviate any angst about the opinions of others. Then we are free to accept others as they are… as God accepts us… the way Jesus accepted the woman at the well, the centurion, and the ragamuffin disciples.
So… can we just like each other? But just maybe… with God’s Spirit flowing through us… maybe we can learn to actually love each other? Maybe??
“Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.” ~1 Peter 4:8
.
**Highlights in color are links for more information.
.
New Year’s Resolutions…Nope. I don’t think so. Have you ever? Of course we all have. But I’d say about 99.9% of normal folks forget about their “self-promises” by January 3rd. Well, that would be today. Yep, I learned years ago to skip this tradition.
I haven’t written much at all lately. I suppose the holidays could be used as an excuse…but since we are all the dictators of our own time…I really have no excuse. Life happens. Life is chaos. Life is redundant. Life is…life.
July 4th is my very favorite holiday. And why not? It’s the holiday with all the hoop-la and none of the hassle. We get to enjoy lots of food (an ancient favorite!), gatherings with friends (no family drama), and best of all…fireworks! Oh yeah…presents? Nope. Nada. Not a one. Am I a “Scrooge”? I don’t believe so. I love giving gifts, but we live in such an entitlement society that the joy has been sucked right out of charity. **Sigh**
But, then again, I guess I should have at least posted a “Merry Christmas” on my blog. Oh well…maybe that will be my New Year’s Resolution for next Christmas. ;)
.
(For the 1st half of this post, read here… Do You Really Want to be a Stepparent? Then come back!)
What is a stepparent to expect?
I started this post quite a while ago but decided, because of the negative nature of lengthy blogs, I would divide it into two posts. I’m afraid it’s still a bit lengthy. ;) This post may not make sense without reading through the first post (here), but they are thoughts from two different directions. I’ve used a “bullet” list, which I’ve read are not very popular, but I feel is effective for multiple points within the same subject. These are snippets of common and worse-case scenarios from my own research (not necessarily my own experience). As you read through these bullet points, some will resonate with you, and others will remind you of a friend or two. Hopefully, you will see a running theme. My prayer is that someone, at least one person, will be able to improve our world by avoiding the pitfalls of myself and so many others.
The pitfalls of stepparent/stepchildren:
And on and on and on… volumes have already been written on blended families, so hopefully you get the picture.
What can a stepparent do? Is there hope? Can a stepparent possibly have a good or even great relationship with their stepchild?
Yes! Both families can have amicable and loving relationships! But it takes work. It takes patience, thick skin, maturity, and lots of prayer. It takes love, lots of love.
Always keep in mind, when you enter into a relationship with someone who already has children, the presumed “rights” are automatically diminished. A blended family can be successful if both spouses (parent and step) prioritize, keeping their marriage as the most important family relationship. It is imperative to build that “three-stranded chord” with God as your head.
Do some heavy research to be informed on the negative and positive impact of step-parenting, both to the child and the adults, so these pitfalls can be avoided. I’m just attempting to blog my own perspective from experience through my studies, my friends, and my own life. In all these years, I have seen very few cases where all the exes were mature enough and secure enough to be amicable. We live in a society where offense runs skin deep. The innocent children are tossed back and forth, continually being used as weapons against the ex. The competition quite often becomes childlike and immature. And it doesn’t have to be. It takes maturity and love to be amicable. Look for classes offered by your church, or a local church, on blended families to help you navigate through the initial adjustments. My husband and I took an invaluable class early in our marriage. DivorceCare is a great place to begin healing: DivorceCare – Find a Group. Not only is seeking help beneficial for your marriage, it is essential for your children. Again, you are not alone in your struggles. Do not be too proud to seek help.
“Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.” ~ Proverbs 15:22
Peace will come into the home and heart when you take responsibility only for that which is yours. That does not mean the atmosphere in the home will be calm. It may take years for the child to mature enough to accept and actually like their stepparent, and some never do even with the best of stepparents. Most of the stepparent’s success is dependent on the support of the spouse, the biological parent. The stepchild’s happiness is not the stepparent’s responsibility. Yes, stepparents should continue to try to convey areas that need improvement for the benefit of the whole family. But always remember if others do not choose to live with integrity, the results are not your responsibility. Learn to ignore. You will never find affirmation in people. The Lord above is the only one you need to please and to look to for approval, and He already loves you.
Though being a stepparent is a thankless job and there is a greater chance you will be resented, never ever grow weary of doing good! No matter what the opposition, you are contributing to the future. Remember, stepchildren are hurting and broken people who need truth and love. It’s up to you whether your influence is positive or negative. Pray for God’s comfort and strength. You will need it… and He will give it.
“For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life. And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up. So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to those who are of the household of faith.” ~ Galatians 6:8-10
.
Search, “stepparents” or “blended family”, and you will come up with a plethora of information. Here are a few links I found helpful:
A stepmom bill of rights dangerous to stepfamilies
A revised stepmom’s bill of rights
What rights to custody do I have as a stepmother after a divorce?
.
**Highlights in color are links for more information.
.
.
With four kids, funds were tight back in December of ‘91. But isn’t that the way it goes every Christmas? Quite often, my ex would complain about the money I spent…yet he was the one who… No, I’m not going to get into all that. This is a particular story that happened one Christmas that shows so many elements of human nature. And yet, do we learn from the past? Or do we ignore it and continually hit the repeat button?
Trying to be thrifty, I had a list of each person to buy gifts for and the amount to spend. Most of the kid’s gifts were purchased throughout the year as I stumbled on a sale somewhere. But, occasionally (well, I admit, more than occasionally, I am such a procrastinator!), I ended up with a few misplaced gifts and had to make that proverbial rush to the stores before they closed for the holidays!
That year was no different. The week before Christmas, I was naturally rushing around like a chicken with my head cut off trying to get everything done. My in-laws were coming to visit for the holidays so the white gloves had to come out, plus adding that last minute run to the mall. When everything was done and completed an hour before they arrived, you can’t imagine the relief I felt! Maybe just this once, there wouldn’t be the typical drama created by snide remarks and nit-picking. (I’m such a dreamer… ;) )
My kind-hearted aunt on my dad’s side was also coming to visit for the holidays, staying with my parents, who lived about a half hour away at that time. I was looking forward to seeing her, even though I had a hard time trying to decide what to get her for her Christmas gift. Since I didn’t see her that often, I didn’t know what she would like, and I wanted it to be special with the little funds I had. The week before (no, she was not one on that last minute gift list!), I had a brainy idea to have my in-laws bring down a box of specialty chocolates from our favorite sweet shop and I would pay them when they arrived. It was the perfect plan…
But alas… nothing is perfect… and all plans are never full-proof…
Christmas Eve, and the stores are already closed. My in-laws arrived with the box of chocolates. As I started to head back to wrap it up for my aunt, I heard my mother-in-law say, “Oh, when we stopped by the candy store, this was the only box they had left in chocolates, so we bought it for you for Christmas! I’m sorry about your aunt; you can give her something else.”
I stopped…silent…
Oh well, no big deal. I thought to myself, I’ll just hide the box in my room and give it to my aunt anyway, since I wouldn’t be seeing her until after my in-laws left. And… still the perfect plan! But…
(Don’t you just hate the “But” word??)
On Christmas Day, after the gifts were opened and as we ware cleaning up the paper thrown all over by the overly excited kids, I heard my ex exclaim, “Where’s that box of chocolates? Get it out; aren’t you going to share with us?”
And so… not wanting to be the “bad guy” on Christmas Day, I brought out that last box of chocolates. My mind was racing to figure out what gift to give my aunt now that the stores were all closed. At least my ex would be happy to satisfy his sweet tooth. As I passed my chocolates around, I thought it would be perfectly acceptable to at least grab a few pieces for myself as they were quickly disappearing. In the assorted boxes of chocolates, most of the pieces have fruit or cream in the center. I have never liked anything in my chocolates except nuts or occasionally caramel. If they had asked me for my preference, I would have told them to avoid the assortment boxes, but those were the kind my in-laws liked, so that is what they bought… for me… for my Christmas gift. When the box came back around to my ex, he angrily exclaimed, “You took all the good pieces!” Hmmm… But he had always liked the chocolates with cherries that people had left for him up to that point. **Sigh**
Whose gift was it anyway?
Next year… just buy me some socks!
“Therefore if there is any consolation in Christ, if any comfort of love, if any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection and mercy, fulfill my joy by being like-minded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind. Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.” ~Philippians 2:1-4
.
~Me
It’s such an irritating holiday. I guess since in most gatherings, the one we want to hang with doesn’t show up, but that one person who will inevitably wreck the day will never leave… hence why Black Friday has crept into Boring Thursday.
And what is at the root of the problem… I mean… holiday?? Forgiveness: Something that very few of us have mastered.
We hear about being thankful… and eyeballs roll when some old aunt or sappy grandma makes that proverbial request for the “wave,” and around the room we go giving statements of that which we are thankful for this past year. Inevitably, someone always picks my quote first, you know, trying to come up with the biggest “awe” effect, forcing me to instantly come up with something else to avoid the copycat syndrome. But how original can anyone be? Yep. We’re all thankful for Grandma’s mincemeat pie! (She says with a sarcastic grin!) Hokey-dokey.
But, as Mary-Lou curiously questioned the Grinch, just what is the real meaning?
My prayer…
Forgive me my complacency
Release my life from apathy
To you I come on bended knee
Lord consecrate my soul to theeForgive the heart that aches for you
Your mercy left my soul brand new
I lift the heart you cleansed from sin
Restore to me the joy withinI cry, My God, I long for you
Your spirit come as morning dew
Lord cover me with endless grace
I find my strength in your embraceForgive me my complacency
Your burning fire embrace in me
In your pure love I will enjoy
Your promised hope and perfect joynma
.
So many things are running through my mind. But right now, the only thing I can think of is the Thanksgiving controversy about Black Friday ridiculously morphing into Thanksgiving Thursday. To shop or not to shop? That seems to be the question of the day.
Several articles have been written, but one famous blogger stated everyone who shops on Thanksgiving needs to be deported. Oh my… the firestorm of comments blasting his viewpoint! In the first place, aren’t we all entitled to our own views? I guess not.
But, in my humble opinion…
The only reason for any season encroaching over a holiday is consumerism. Period. And the reason for Black Friday taking over the whole Thanksgiving week? Christmas! As long as our society is an entitled, ungrateful, self-centered society, any holiday promoting consumerism will overpower a holiday that only promotes family, human relationships, and companionship. The sad thing is, both holidays have their origins in a giving God. How ironic is that?
I could go on and on and on. But in honor of the one holiday where the only purpose is to be thankful for all that God himself has given… this is for you…
Meet John Wayne & Marshall Dillon. Maybe someday I’ll write about the time we stuffed them in the back of Brigitte’s van and took them on a field trip to her kids’ school… hence why we had ham for Thanksgiving dinner! (Well… since I’m allergic to pork, I ate the taters!)
“So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live your lives in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness. See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and the elemental spiritual forces of this world rather than on Christ.” ~Colossians 2:6-8
.
Where are the old Veterans? Most of the good ones are gone now….only to be found in the stories from our old great uncles…
Can we bring back respect for our military once again…
Before we lose our dwindling freedoms…
I love any story of people who live outside of societies expectations! This post, by a good friend of mine, of 99 year old Lillian, is well worth a good read…
Why 99-Year-Old Lillian Weber Is Not Retired.
We all have our crosses to bear. If your child is perfect, count your blessings and ignore this post. If your child is imperfect, join the crowd. You are one of the gazillion humans whose beautifully innocent baby evolved into a normal human. Imperfect: Fallible: Normal. So, why are parents everywhere beating themselves up?
Just what is “normal” in our world? I have several friends who have offspring deemed handicapped, or in the PC term, special needs. I’ve seen firsthand the agony they feel as they navigate through social barriers. It hurts. It’s not fair. It’s humiliating. But I also see more patience, care, and genuine love from these parents to their special children than from anywhere else.
One time a close friend confided that even though she would never trade her child, she sometimes grieved for a “normal” child. She grieved for the sports that were never played, the parties never attended, and the weddings never planned. She dreamed of having just one day that her child would not embarrass her in public with weird noises and gestures. Just one day when the awkward stares were of jealousy and not disgust. Oh, to have just one day with a “normal” child…
And then there’s my other close friend, the one with the “wild” child. How many times did she get a call in the middle of the night? I watched as she stood in court next to her son, dressed in orange. I would be upset too. I hate orange. It totally washes out my complexion. Orange is only good on a pumpkin… and then only in a pumpkin latte… or pumpkin ice cream… or pumpkin pie… with whipped cream on top. Autumn is the best time of year… the fall color of changing leaves… and pumpkins. Ahhh…
Oh yes… back to court…
Can you imagine the pain a mother feels standing with a judge staring down in front and her son’s friends staring from behind? The boy she gave birth to made a few bad choices; yet, society blames the parents. I saw her teach right from wrong. I saw her love. Then I saw the very life she gave turn on her, lie about her, and hate her. My friend always said she did not expect her child to be another Albert Einstein, Peyton Manning, or Brad Pitt, yet how she longed to have that “normal” child. Just one day when the awkward stares were of jealousy and not disgust. Oh, to have just one day with a “normal” child…
Why do we long for what is not ours to have? We want relief. We want acceptance. These two mommas were human, with just a small longing for a world without the difficulties of life. That’s all it is. But, are we willing to walk the path of those we perceive as normal? I once heard the recount of a musician in a symphony who was sought after by several fans. One commented they would give anything to play as well as the musician, to whom the musician replied, “You can, if you are willing to give up everything to practice sixty hours a week for most of your life.” The fan sadly walked away, not willing to make the same sacrifice.
Would my two friends trade places? Would they be willing to walk in the other mothers’ shoes to have what they deem as normal? I also have friends who have those “perfect” children. For the most part, they cannot relate to parents with difficult children. But are their lives perfect? Is their world free of difficulty? No. In every case, in every life, drama digs in its evil claws through some small area of their lives. One friend is riddled with financial burdens, while another is plagued with health issues. One friend is aching for the loss of children from a barren womb, while another is anguishing from miscarriage. One friend mourns the death of her child from a reckless driver, while another reels from the death of her child from suicide. Would anyone want to trade places with either of those friends? I didn’t think so…
The Thanksgiving holiday can be a very grim time for people in rough situations. How can we be thankful when we face so much adversity? How can we explain situations we have no control over? Why is our pumpkin never a silver-lined coach? Character. Yes, God is building character. Think about it… don’t the best people in life have a trail of tears? It’s been said the biggest problem with the next generation is ingratitude and an entitlement mentality. I believe it. We give trophies for participation. What do they learn? Self. What happens when the pressures of life surround them? And they will. Most young people crumble. Looking back… I did too. But I got back up. I survived. Experience has a way of not only maturing but also of strengthening.
If I can convey anything in this post… it’s hope. Only when we stop looking at the supposed successes of others will we see our own. We are each unique. We are each made for a different path. Quit longing for someone else’s path. Mow the grass on your side of the fence first. When we realize that God in his great love did not place any greater value on Albert Einstein, Peyton Manning, or Brad Pitt than he did on Jane, Sally, or Mary, then we will appreciate the little “thorns” in our life. For when we look up past our thorns… the rose of God’s love holds us in his palm.
Can we be content? Can we be satisfied? Can we be thankful??
.
I’m in nostalgia tonight. Weird…after last night’s “serious” post. ;) Our sunset had some color, but not many clouds to make it spectacular.
It’s getting colder out…beach. Ahhh…the beach. It’s been way too long.
Believe it or not, I actually caught a sunrise a few weeks ago. I know, strange. The world does not turn before my second pot of coffee. But with the days getting shorter, the sun rose one day during the roasting…giving just enough time for my half opened eyes to grab my camera.
I just thought I would share…while watching Eli getting hit by Freeman. Love the great acting in his commercial. :)
Red sky in the morning,
Sailors take warning…
“…to give knowledge of salvation to his people
in the forgiveness of their sins,
because of the tender mercy of our God,
whereby the sunrise shall visit us from on high
to give light to those who sit in darkness and in the shadow of death,
to guide our feet into the way of peace.”
~Luke 1:77-79
.
I’ve seen a few posts lately about divorce causing more destruction to the breakdown of the family unit than same-sex marriage. I agree. After a couple of “fun” posts, here we are on a more serious note… and my mind seems to be jumbled tonight. I guess my thoughts are about the disintegrating family, divorce, same-sex marriage, and blame-shifting: not very popular topics in today’s world.
At this point, I should say that if you do not believe in God, you won’t agree with this post. And that’s fine; I am not your judge, nor do I want to be. Though I’m surely not perfect, these are my beliefs. You are welcome to disagree and leave a comment. ;)
The biggest problem, as I see it, with both the world and the church is the inability to be able to differentiate between the sin and the person. The world would have us believe that to accept the person, we have to accept the sin. The church traditionally believed the person is the same as the sin, and both are unacceptable. The modern church has shifted to accepting the sin in the name of tolerance. Yet, Jesus always loved the person while condemning the sin. And then… there’s the argument over what constitutes sin.
Since I am one who questions everything and tries to get to the source, or the bottom, of every issue, where is the progression? How far down will the “Christian” family fall? Where will it end? To figure that out, maybe we should think about where it began: in the garden, with the beginning and fall of mankind, otherwise referred to as “original sin,” with its root in the love of self.
In the world of roping, a three-stranded cord cannot be easily broken. The typical Christian family consists of a dad, mom, and child—a three-stranded cord. This phenomenon is synonymous with the picture God gave in the Trinity; Father, Son, and Holy Spirit: Three in one. Where does this foundation originate? From the beginning, from Genesis, it originates from scrolls, which have existed for centuries and been proven over and over.
Unfortunately, in our politically correct society, any comment contrary to an acceptance of homosexuality is deemed as hate and bigotry. Most don’t understand how to hate the sin while loving the person. Any comment contrary to divorce being a normal part of life is deemed as antiquarian. In reality, divorce has done more to destroy the foundational family unit than the gay marriage issue. I should know; I’ve been through the hell of divorce.
But do we really want to find out what God thinks? Most don’t. Jesus himself said, “Not everyone can accept this word.” ~Matthew 19:11 Most Liberal Christians dismiss the Old Testament, using the excuse that the Cross changed everything while ignoring the words of Jesus, “… I have not come to abolish them [the laws] but to fulfill them.” ~Matthew 5:17-20
Then there is the argument that Jesus did not specifically talk against homosexuality. Yet, Jesus talked a lot about “sexual immorality” which was understood as being anything outside of marriage.
Scripture teaches that when it comes to “sexual sin,” anyone who was not a complete virgin when they married is guilty. Period. And these days, that pretty much encompasses almost all of us! We’re all guilty. So, there you have it. That, in and of itself, should sum up any and every argument. No? Well then…
Basically, God said man is to leave mom and dad and cleave to his wife and become one. He did not say for a man to cleave to his husband or a wife to cleave to her wife. The Old Testament is clear that marriage was between male and female. Jesus reiterated the same scriptures in the new testament: “Have you not read that at the beginning, the Creator made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? ” ~Matthew 19:4-5 & Genesis 2:24
Liberal Christians tend to not believe in the literal Bible or the individual interpretations of what God did and did not want. They argue that actions do not affect others and who marries and who doesn’t marry is only their business. They proclaim if we do not accept the homesexual lifestyle, that we do not accept the person, when nothing could be farther from the truth. As a result, our courts are creating laws against our Constitution thereby changing our society. Our government did not define marriage; God did.
So where does the gay agenda lead? Where does the progression stop? Where do we draw the line? Isn’t the basis of the homosexual movement about financial “rights” or “equality”? Money. Facts show homosexuals are not monogamous. It doesn’t take deep research to find that most people in the homosexual lifestyle got there due to abuse and pain in their past. Hurt people hurt people. I myself hate “churchy” people, and it is true, we are to love God and our neighbor above all else. But just like a parent will teach his child right vs. wrong and lead them to that which is in their best interest, out of love, are we to accept actions contrary to God’s righteousness? Is it in society’s best interest to show truth in love? Is love in truth? Where the conservatives and the church have failed is to maintain love for the person while not accepting behavior that is destructive. You don’t throw out the baby with the bathwater. Acceptance without compromise was the quest of Jesus. He showed love to the outcast, and followed by telling them to stop sinning. He never compromised. Not only that, but He always accepted the sinner without accepting the sin. I’ve had gay friends, I’ve had divorced friends, and I’ve had religious friends. Believe it or not, even though He hates our sin, God loves each and every person.
This leads back to my first question: where does all this acceptance mentality lead? I think the evidence of that is coming. This article states, “Earlier this year two psychologists in Canada declared that pedophilia is a sexual orientation just like homosexuality or heterosexuality.” Pedophiles now want the same rights as homosexuals. So, is bestiality next?? Gay marriage proponents claim pedophiles are a whole different discussion and would affect someone, namely the child, whereas a homosexual marriage does not affect anyone but the couple. On the surface, this sounds sound, but it is bent and deceiving. While the child is directly impacted by a pedophile, children of same-sex homes are just as ruinously affected, as well as children of divorce, etc. To say any action does not influence the next person is both naive and irresponsible. Does creating a law of acceptance deem the action morally right? Lest we forget, slavery was once legal and socially acceptable. “No man can give me the right to do what is wrong.” ~Abraham Lincoln
In 2 Peter 2:4-10 we are told that God did not spare angels of the ancient world before the flood, nor Sodom and Gomorrah as they are examples of what is going to happen to the ungodly. Jesus said in Luke 17:22-37 that the end times will be as the days of Lot and describes what will happen. Jude 1:7 says Sodom and Gomorrah gave themselves up to sexual immorality and perversion, which translates homosexuality. The people living in Jesus’ day understood the concept of the destruction of Sodom & Gomorrah, so I’m sure Jesus did not feel the need to go into detail. The account of Lot and the fate of Sodom and Gomorrah can be found in Genesis 19. Abraham pleaded for his nephew’s life, so God sent two angels, in the form of men, to bring Lot out before the towns were destroyed. In verse 5, the men of the town surrounded the house and demanded Lot send the men out so they could have sex with them. Long story short, God rained down burning sulfur and destroyed the cities. It pretty much shows how God feels about that lifestyle! Even though God is a God of love, he is also a God of purity and justice. If you really want to find out what God’s word says about who ends up where, check out: Revelation 21:8, Revelation 22:15, & Revelation 22:18-19. Notice he says liars will be in the same place? One notable correlation: notice the names of the cities? These two names are the root of “sodomy,” from which the act of homosexuality comes, and “gonorrhea,” from sexual disease. Also take note that even though God pronounced a death judgment on the towns, in his grace, he did provide an escape for any who would leave. All but Lot and two of his daughters chose to stay, clinging to their depraved lifestyle. As with any sin or any lifestyle, God always provides a way out.
Beyond the gay marriage issue, the best way to destroy the family is to divide mom and dad. I don’t think I need to repeat statistics of divorce here; everyone knows the numbers are too high. To counter those stats, studies show that the generation now coming into adulthood (the Millennial Generation) prefers cohabitation to marriage. I can’t say that I don’t understand. I do. But though we know cohabitation (which leads to an even higher divorce rate) is not the answer, to a generation who grew up with no family foundation, it seems “safe.”
This post is growing like Jack & the Beanstalk, which turns off the short attention span of today’s readers. Therefore, I won’t go into the perils of divorce again here; my first two posts on this blog described the destruction divorce leaves in the family. {1st post here} {2nd post here} Basically, children look at the family unit as a reflection of the Godhead, the Trinity: God the Father, Jesus the marriage, and the Holy Spirit the glue of the family unit (Eph. 5:22-33). In divorce, no matter what the cause, the family is split, and the Holy Spirit is severed. The Godhead correlation is distorted. The children’s security in the unity they once rested in has disappeared. The consequence is a warped view of what constitutes love. Children lose sight of God’s love for them when the love of the family grows cold. They wonder how God can love them when the example of the Godhead before them has split into two households.
Last question… just who is responsible for the destruction of the family and for the downfall of our society?
The Greatest or GI Generation is the generation born around WWI, from 1901 to 1927, coming of age during WWII. With the end of the Second World War, instead of women returning home from their war work posts, women donned high heels and stayed in the workforce, creating the first latchkey children, the Silent Generation. The generations after the war saw divorce skyrocket, bringing about the first major separation of the family. So, that’s it. By the time the sexual revolution of the 1960s entered society, the Silent Generation fell slack in their responsibility to the family. Therefore, it can’t be the same-sex marriage issue of today that has caused the distortion of the family. It can’t be the high divorce rate of generations today. Of course, it had to be the generation before, when Mom left the kids to babysitters, entered the workforce, birth control and abortion stopped large families, and men were no longer required to defend our nation. Eve blamed the serpent; Adam blamed Eve and God, leaving no one to take responsibility for any of our problems!
Who do our parents blame, their parents? Who do their parents blame… their parents?
(**See Reference links below)
And so on… do you see where this is going?
It couldn’t be my generation’s fault!
Society attempts to lessen the devastation of divorce by blame-shifting responsibility for the destruction of the Christian culture to the prior generation. The downward turn increases with each subsequent generation. Just as Eve blamed the serpent and Adam blamed Eve and God, each generation blames the prior generation, claiming their lack of commitment, lack of stability, that they were too strict, they were too lax, etc. After all, their parents were the ones who raised this dysfunctional generation!
And so on…
The last question should be, just how do we fix it??
I know I have been in sin, as has every human, but through Jesus’ death and resurrection we have salvation, a way out of hell. I wouldn’t want to call good that which we know in our hearts to be evil, just for the sake of political correctness. There is freedom only in truth. Only God can make a blind man see His truth, not your truth, not my truth. But we also need to be careful about “thumping” religion over their heads. God’s truth must be told in love, for only love covers a multitude of sins. God is a God of restoration. Forget the dos & don’ts. Instead, recalculate. (Love that commercial!) In Matthew 22:34-40, Jesus replied to the lawyer, all the laws depend on just two commandments, to love God with all your heart and love your neighbor as yourself. If we get those two paths straight, our whole legal system is unnecessary. We must renew our minds and fill up with God’s love to wash out deception. Immerse ourselves in the word, which gives hope… hope for a lifestyle free of negative consequences. That does not mean we will not have drama and temptation, for we still live in a fallen world. But we will have inner peace! The more we fill ourselves with the love of God, the less we will be interested in the deception of self or the desire to satisfy our carnal nature, and the less we will desire sin.
We cannot be good in and of ourselves. It’s only God’s goodness in us that makes us good. His grace is what rescues us from our own destruction. Meditate on this scripture, 1 John 3:1-5:12, as it showers us with the great love of our Lord. “How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!” With His love, what more do we need?
Scripture References:
https://www.biblegateway.com/versions/English-Standard-Version-ESV-Bible/#booklist
**Generation References:
https://www.cnn.com/interactive/2011/05/living/infographic.boomer/
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Generation
.
**Highlights in color are links for more information.
.
I’ve wanted to get this memory out for three decades. I may lose some weak-stomached readers, and I may make you laugh, but some stories are epic. And we always wonder… Why??
Christmas Vacation 1984. My daughter was 2 ½ (middle of the terrible two’s!), and my twin boys were 9 months. I came down with a 24-hour bug midway through our visit, missing out on a whole day of visiting with relatives who only cared about visiting with the grandchildren. It was perfect. Three days later, on our return flight home, we flew out of Chicago, where my kids’ paternal grandparents traveled the four-hour trip to send us off. I guess back then, the tickets were quite a bit cheaper to fly out of Chicago than at a closer airport. Halfway to Chicago, my fastidious daughter declared she was nauseous. The poor thing up-chucked all over the back seat of her grandparents car… spraying vomit on her grandma! While I was cleaning her up, their dad ordered his dad to pull to the side of the road so he could exit the vehicle as he almost lost his innards from the smell. Men usually do have weak stomachs.
Their grandparents treated us to lunch at a very nice restaurant in Chicago, and their dad still felt ill. I assumed he was still reeling from the 2-year-old’s puke. Regrettably, he waited until we were half way up in the air to decide his innards were not staying inside. The stewardess told him to return to his seat, to which he asked if she wanted him to hurl in the aisle! Stepping aside, she let him go to the restroom… during the ascension! I was too busy wrangling three babies by myself to care if he had his seat belt on or if he was dangled out the window! He then continued to vomit throughout the whole flight, using every barf bag on the plane. I wonder how much all those lined, tiny little bags cost? Probably the same amount as a ticket!
About half way home, 40,000 feet (12.19 km) or so up in the bright blue sky, my 9 month old decided to get sick… from the other end! Do you know how small those old airplane restrooms are?? There is no imagination wide enough to envision me cleaning diarrhea off a very active baby in an old airplane bathroom!! The toilet water was blue, with no lid, thank you very much! The sink was not large enough to wash hands properly, much less an entire baby. He kicked. It flew. That’s all I am going to say about that. Thank goodness we had baby wipes back then. In case you are wondering, I did leave the tiny restroom sterile, along with his bottom!
One more little person to go…
An hour later, back in our seats, on our descent down, I smelled it again, of course! After all, they are identical twins! We did not have booster seats back then, in the “stone ages” so he was on the airplane seat, a cloth airplane seat. Now, it was a wet cloth airplane seat. I would not risk taking my baby to the tiny little restroom due to the plane descending, as most accidents happen on ascent or descent. So the seat got… more… wet!
Oh, the stares… the glares… the rejection! I waited until everyone vamoosed off the plane before grabbing my puking-pooping little family and heading for the nearest airport restroom. Again, there is no imagination wide enough to envision me changing a wiry 9-month-old boy on the restroom floor (before the days of baby-changing stations) in the Houston International Airport! My good friend who picked us up at the airport stood in front of us with the skirt of her sundress spread wide to keep the onlookers from looking. The midnight travelers were quite entertained, and I was humiliated so badly I could not stop laughing. We were a first-class three-ring circus. If you ever find someone who will live through that kind of smell with you, keep that friend for life!!
Oh… and to top that off…
We finally arrived home; it was midnight, and we had no food in the house due to us being gone the previous week. So after tucking every sick little body in bed, I headed for the store. The only reason I ventured out at 2:00am on that very foggy night was due to having only one vehicle… which their dad took to work every day, leaving me stranded in nowhereville with three babies. I drove to the edge of the neighborhood, about four blocks from home, and the car sputtered and died. Someone had siphoned our gas while we were on vacation! After walking through fog so thick you could cut it with a knife, I woke up their dad, who woke our neighbor back up, who took him to the gas station for gas… and milk.
Three months later… we moved four states away!
I’ve often wondered why. What possesses a person to endure this kind of drama? And yet, the next morning, hug, hold, kiss, and love the little ones God entrusted to us. Motherhood. Hormones. The beauty of creation!
God, in his love, showed me a picture of His love. We puke on our creator, and he still loves us. We poop on his creation, and he still loves us. Yes, human parents are fallible. They screw up. Sometimes, big-time. Sometimes, human parents don’t love their children. Sometimes, parents physically or emotionally hurt their kids. Yet, God’s parental love is infallible. Perfect. God created the human parent-child love as a glimpse of his love for us. That gives me hope. No matter how far into sin that child (us) falls, God still loves his children. When every relationship on this sin-ravaged planet falls away, our creator God, in his grace, longs for us… for me… for you…
“Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened.” ~Matthew 7:7-8
Three Babies…
More babies…
And more babies…
.
Great Aunt Mildred was a cantankerous old soul, quite stern in all her mannerisms. Every family has at least one sinister relative. And yet, there was something rather comforting about my old aunt. As a child, we visited the orphanage (The Home That Love Built) that she helped run deep in the back hills of Eastern Kentucky. And, of course, being young and trusting, I believed the stories I heard from another close relative: Aunt Mildred was terribly unpleasant. Yet, when I talked to her, I had a distinct suspicion otherwise…
Years after Aunt Mildred’s death, while talking to my grandma about family history, she gave some interesting insight into the life of my Great Aunt Mildred. We talked about her years of ministry and service to the indigent deep within the Kentucky hills. Not only was she a schoolteacher, but also a nurse who was responsible for traveling by donkey deep in those hills to deliver 267 babies throughout her lifetime, all without the aid of a doctor. There was no child that she turned away. There was no call for help left unanswered. What a wonderful heritage to leave our family!
“The memory of the righteous is a blessing,
but the name of the wicked will rot.”
~Proverbs 10:7
In God’s faithfulness, he made sure the memory of my aunt became a blessing, in spite of hearsay from one who only sought to divide the family out of their own bitterness. The tables were turned! King David often asked the Lord, “How long, Lord?” The Lord’s timing is not our timing, but His plan is always perfect…even if that plan does not come to fruition until long after we are gone.
Don’t fret about your reputation. Rest in the Lord’s faithfulness today.
.
**Highlights in color are links for more information.
.
I love poetry. But unless you’re one of those sweetie-pie buttercups or deep, dark, depressing kinds of people, you’re generally not going to sit and read a novel of poetry in your alone time. On the rare occasions that time comes, I’d rather curl up in my afghan with Louis L’Amour or Max Brand on a snowy night in my rocker by an open fire. Now that’s heaven!
But, occasionally, I’ll pop open something with meter and rhyme. That’s my journal. It’s safe. I only kept a “diary” once as a kid. I began writing poetry notes after my sister found my diary and blabbed to the world how infatuated I was with what’s-his-name. Humph. (Oh yes, everyone has one of those relatives.) With poetry, one can write deep, dark secrets in code… poetry code. Not many “get it.” But to those who do… one can hop into a whole ‘nother world. So, I thought I’d go out on a limb in this post and give you a smidgeon…
Like the leaves that grow
on a tree in spring,
words from a poet,
joy to our hearts bring.
When winter is past,
silent words inside,
come out in full bloom,
sing poetry’s pride.
My mother typically complained that no one ever did anything for her. I have pictures from the early 1990s showing lots of people gathered in the Shaffer’s neighborhood clubhouse, decorated with balloons, candles, streamers, and 50 candles on the cake (all at my expense). However, the only thing you will hear from her is how everyone forgot her half-century birthday. **Sigh**
I remember one Mother’s Day back in the same time frame, I was asked to take part in the proverbial church program. I don’t recall the name of the song the director picked for my solo, but it was about a mother’s love, and I was surrounded by the kids on the platform. My vocal cords were in full swing that morning, which is strange since most mornings I’m lucky to get out a gurgle. Along with that song, I wrote and recited this poem expressing my vision of motherhood:
A Mother’s Legacy
A visit long ago,
memories deep in my mind.
Peach cobbler, apple pie,
made with hands old and kind.
Asleep in her bosom,
Grandma would slowly rock,
humming, “My child love on”
not a thought of the clock.
My mother’s loving care,
for each button to sew,
deep in the night she worked,
that I might steal the show.
So proud of each success,
as if it were her own.
When failure would descend,
she then made her love known.
With children of my own,
this legacy to pass.
Careers, sitters, day care!
Button up! Off to class!
No time for soft moments,
precious time we misuse.
Society’s pressure,
priorities to choose.
Will children call me blessed?
The Lord’s ways have I taught?
Did I take out the time
to instruct as I ought?
Asleep on my bosom,
my grandchild I now rock,
humming, “My child love on”
not a thought of the clock.
The “code”?? Can you feel the security in a grandma’s care? Can you see the love of a mother who is available to help make costumes for her child’s 1st grade school play? Can you feel the frustration of not having the same experience with her own children because of the busyness of modern life? Can you sense the pendulum swing back around as she loves on her own grandchild? Did you catch the codes?
Poetry can be reflections of our realities… more often; poetry is a reflection of our dreams.
On that Mother’s Day… church was overflowing with mothers everywhere…
Except mine… she didn’t show up that Sunday…
.
Browsing today, I saw a picture of my family when I was probably about eight years old. Boy, was I an ugly child. For some reason, my mother always had me in short funky 1960s hairstyles, while my sister was left with longer hair. I don’t know if it was because my mother thought we each looked better in the differing styles, to which I beg to differ, or if she simply did not cut my sister’s hair because of her bloodcurdling screams to anyone who came close to her with a brush.
I’m not sure what that paragraph has to do with anything… Just my evening thoughts.
Yesterday, I took the Q-tip jar and dropped it on a candle in a shell tin on the bathroom sink. It was a granddaddy-long-leg. I trapped it between the two, smashing it flat. After my shower, quite frankly, I forgot about it… until tonight. At first, I could not remember why the Q-tip jar was on the candle tin, but recalling the monstrous beast, I decided it was high time I disposed of its carcass. Upon lifting the cotton swab jar, the growing monster revived itself. I don’t know if I am more upset that the spider lived a whole 24 hours trapped between two deadly boulders, or that the Q-tips were jostled out of position when I dropped the jar upon the spider’s revival. I immediately grabbed a tissue to squash it, which inevitably pulled out every last one in the box, thereby wasting precious time, allowing the monstrous spider to escape.
I cannot find the dastardly beast anywhere. I don’t know if I will be visiting that bathroom any time soon!
Poor Sammy… She is trying her best to lounge on my lap. Unfortunately, my lap is taken with my laptop. Rejected, she is pouting from across the room, staring at me with the best dejected look she can muster up. Kitty… I know the feeling…
The game is on. Now… they don’t just play on Sundays. We get to see overly sized men in tight pants running around on fake grass chasing a little blown-up piece of leather on Mondays and Thursdays too! My husband calls me a “fair-weather” fan. I believe I am a true fan. Just because I am bored when the team plays like crap or “my” team is not playing…
But I do enjoy the acrobatics. Did you see the guy who made a touchdown with a somersault?? Classic!
I’m not sure what all these thoughts are collectively expressing. Probably nothing. Just like the commercial I just saw where the girl was talking a mile a minute. Obviously, no one was impressed. I know a few people like that. Just a lot of absolutely nothing. I’m sure it’s the same with this blog. We saw a movie last May with the perfect analogy of my blog, “I’m so excited—today I have three followers! This is good because yesterday I had four!”
It’s been suggested that I use my blog as my journal. That sounded like a great idea! Until… flashbacks of my childhood ran through my mind. My sister would inevitably find my diary and blab its contents to the whole world. Nope. I don’t journal.
I do write, sometimes in code. Everyone needs an outlet. I started with poetry. Start somewhere. Roses are red… violets are… You get the gist. Release, even if no one sees except God, who sees everything whether you like it or not. But if He still accepts you no matter what you write… then write. Just write…
.
YES! When no one else will… the Lord gives forgiveness, grace, and mercy! He loves us!
And yet, most people do not think about an unforgiving God. He is a forgiving God, a loving God, a just God… and yes, an unforgiving God. Even though that thought should scare most people, it doesn’t. The most direct indication that God does not forgive is in the words of Jesus during his sermon on the mount (Matthew 6:5-15). God says we have to forgive… so that we can be forgiven. Otherwise, he will not forgive us! Why will he not forgive us if we do not forgive others? Because God cannot look upon sin. And unforgiveness is sin.
God is a God of reconciliation and restoration. But true relationships are built on trust. Since we live in a fallen world with a carnal nature, no human is perfect. Our relationship with the Lord begins with a confession of our own sin. Without an admission of our faults, we cannot begin the restoration process. This is true with any relationship. Jesus said to “Ask, Seek, and Knock” then we will find. (Matthew 7:7) Forgiveness works the same whether it is man or God. Our relationships will always be broken unless we first confess, repent, reconcile, and then restore, in that order.
We’ve all heard the quote about addicts that the first step to recovery is admitting to the problem. If we do not admit to our guilt in the relationship, any relationship, we hide behind lies. For no one is without guilt. A relationship based on lies is no relationship at all. 1 John 1:8-10 says, “If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us.” Yes, it all begins with our own humility. Then and only then will the relationship be open for restoration.
Confessions (or ‘fessing up to our wrongs) are that which makes us humble and gives us a pride reduction. How often do we (speaking for myself as well) hide, justify, or blame-shift our sins? Not only is it humbling to admit that we have messed up, it’s embarrassing! We even throw the “you just can’t take anything; I was only joking” card because we have too much pride to admit our own wrongs. We want to ignore and excuse our own sin by throwing it under the rug. At the same time, we expect everyone else to forget our offense, forgive, and go on without repentance, as if no wrong was done. We even claim the person we hurt is unforgiving and self-centered if the pain we inflicted is not simply ignored. That, my friend, is blame-shifting and making excuses to justify our actions. I think we have all done that a time or two. Throwing the responsibility of the relationship rift onto the other person while ignoring our own wrongs simply negates reconciliation.
*************************
/fəˈɡɪv/
verb -gives, -giving, -gave, -given
- to cease to blame or hold resentment against (someone or something)
Word Origin
Old English forgiefan; see for-, give
The modern sense of “to give up desire or power to punish” is from use of the compound as a Germanic loan-translation of Latin perdonare.
*************************
The best way to keep in a close relationship with God is to be at peace with others, even those whom I have wronged. Sometimes, that means I may have to humble myself and admit I really messed up, which seems to happen pretty often. But to keep any hard feelings or resentment out of my relationships, I need to let them know that I know I messed up and apologize. And then, their forgiveness is their responsibility, not mine! My responsibility is to admit my wrongs, ask forgiveness, and attempt to make amends. The rest is up to them. But, remember, we have no right to be concerned about the other person’s heart until we have cleared our own first.
What if others do not forgive us? What if they always harbor resentment? Then, I still need to do my part. Their heart, their forgiveness, is their responsibility.
What if I am the one who is hurt and the offender never admits or repents for the hurt and pain they inflicted? What if they move away or die before the relationship can be reconciled?
It is essential for us to be willing and ready to forgive others, to have freedom in our own hearts, and to keep bitterness from creeping in. We do not negate the sin, but we continue to treat them with kindness while we wait for the Lord to open their hearts to repentance. The sin is still there, but we need to release to God our right to punishment and/or revenge. The relationship may always be broken, and the trust shattered, but our hearts need to be free of vengeance and always be ready to forgive, just as we have assurance of God’s forgiveness for our own sins.
When a relationship needs reconciliation, mutual trust needs to be repaired. Does that mean we fall into the “forgive and forget” philosophy? Absolutely not! We have brains! My husband and I recently took the Self-Confrontation class at our church. The huge study manual contained the best explanation I’ve seen. Here is an excerpt from Lesson 12 by the Biblical Counseling Foundation:
_____________________________________________________________________________________
IV. Does God require you to “forgive and forget?”
A. Scripture says that God’s forgiveness involves remembering sins against you no more (Isaiah 43:25; Jeremiah 31:34; Hebrews 10:17). This means that He will not hold your sins against you since He has cleansed you with the precious blood of Jesus Christ (Romans 3:23-25; Ephesians 1:7; Hebrews 10:19-22; 1 John 1:7).
B. Scripture uses the term “not to remember” as meaning “not to mention or bring to mind” or “not to keep an account.” For example, David requested of the Lord “not to remember” (literally, “not to mention”) the previous sins of his youth (Psalm 25:7).
C. Scripture uses “forget” in the sense of “escaping notice.” For example, the Apostle Paul could remember (bring to mind) his earlier sins (1 Timothy 1:12-17) yet confidently proclaimed “to forget” (“not take notice”) of those things that were behind in order to press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus (Philippians 3:13-14).
D. Nowhere does Scripture require you to have a blank memory about your own sins or sins committed against you. In fact, the memory of certain sins (even though these sins have been forgiven by God) is important for your training in righteousness, to help you not repeat them (for example, notice David’s remembrance of his sins in 2 Samuel 12:13-23 and Psalm 38). The only requirement is for you to forgive others as God in Christ has forgiven you (Ephesians 4:32), even when you clearly remember sins committed against you, which now have no power over you.
_____________________________________________________________________________________
I’ve been falsely accused of not being a forgiving person simply because I have a brain and a pretty good memory! Though, when we forgive, we don’t beat the offender with the offense. Sometimes we do need to take a step back to heal. Remembering has to do with learning lessons from mistakes. Search out how many times in the scriptures God used the term remember! Trust has to be rebuilt! Until the offender makes restitution and changes course, trust cannot be established.
Don’t misunderstand; forgiveness does not negate or dismiss the sin. Sin is still sin. The other person is still responsible to God for their sin. But we must forgive to be forgiven. For us, to forgive means to release to God our right to punishment and/or revenge for the wrongs done to us. We free ourselves of the responsibility of judgment against another. Why must we forgive others in order to be forgiven ourselves? Because, when we hold bitterness, anger, or hatred in our hearts, we are essentially playing God. In our pride, we forget our own sin as we focus on the sins of others. If we have unforgiving hearts, we have sinful hearts. When we release others from recompense and repent of our own sin, God’s forgiveness flows through our hearts, and His JOY floods our souls!
Let’s let God deal with the hearts of others. Release them and let it go. When we admit to our own faults and ask God for forgiveness, He is always eager to forgive, just as a loving father forgives his child. Even though God is just, he is also love. We have but to ask. He is not asking for our perfection; that’s why he sent Jesus to die for us. He is only asking for our hearts so he can pour in his love!
“For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” ~Matthew 6:14-15
~~~~~~~~~~
Scriptures to ponder:
“I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the Lord,”
and you forgave the iniquity of my sin.” ~Psalm 32:5
“So if you are standing before the altar in the Temple, offering a sacrifice to God, and suddenly remember that a friend has something against you, leave your sacrifice there beside the altar and go and apologize and be reconciled to him, and then come and offer your sacrifice to God. Come to terms quickly with your enemy before it is too late…” ~Matthew 5:23-24
“For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” ~Matthew 6:14-15
“Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord.” ~Romans 12:9-21
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
**Yes, the pictures are mine! ;)
.
.
**Highlights in color are links for more information.
.
What kind of friend are you?
My Three Friends!
“Listen to advice and accept instruction,
that you may gain wisdom in the future.
Many are the plans in the mind of a man,
but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.” ~Proverbs 19:20-21
I have a couple of close friends who are not afraid to tell me when I am going down the wrong path. Sometimes, I just want to smack ’em for telling me what I don’t want to hear… but I love them for speaking the truth in my life. I know they are not speaking from their own selfish desires but from God’s word. They are not speaking from conventional etiquette… they are speaking from God’s heart. (You, my friends, know who you are!)
The book of Job shows God’s perspective. Not everything we experience is of our own doing. Not every situation can be explained by man. Not everything we go through will even be explained by God. If you notice at the end of the story, God does not give Job a reason for his affliction. Yet, God explains to Job, man is small and finite compared to the infinite and all-knowing God. God is omnipotent and omniscient. He made the Behemoth and the Leviathan (Job 40:15 & Job 41:1). God asked Job if he was present when God laid the earth’s foundation (Job 38:4). God reminds us that everything under heaven belongs to him (Job 41:11). Job and his three friends tried unsuccessfully to explain his plight though they did not understand anything beyond their own reasoning (Job 42:3)… a reasoning that came from a limited worldview. God says in Isaiah 55:8, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.” Therefore, unless God himself reveals wisdom, how can we assume to have insight into difficulties others are experiencing? How can we give or receive proper advice?
When Job spoke, he was in a pity-party mode. His discourse sought self-justification, to which God replied in Job 40:8, “Would you discredit my justice? Would you condemn me to justify yourself?” Job tried to put God in his little box. How often do we blame-shift on others to explain the troubles in our lives? “Well, I wouldn’t be going through this or that if they hadn’t done this or that!” Even more so, how typically do we blame-shift on God? We all do. Or, sometimes we feel God is punishing us for some unknown sin. Generally speaking, the saying “what goes around comes around” is true. Yes, God will bring justice, if not in this lifetime, definitely in the next. But not everything that happens in life is the result of anything we or someone else did. Jesus pointed this out in John 9:1-7 to the disciples, who attributed the man’s blindness to him or his parents. Before healing the man, Jesus said “Neither this man nor his parents sinned, but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life.” It was the same with Job, “So that the work of God might be displayed in his life.”
“By pride comes nothing but strife,
But with the well-advised is wisdom.” ~Proverbs 13:10
The problem with Job’s three friends is they spoke from man’s wisdom. They spoke from a work-based mentality. Their assessment of the situation came from their own experiences, traditions, and self-centered views. How many times do we advise someone that they are required to do this or that due to church standards? How often do we give advice based on our own background or station in life or to please others? Oh, “but it’s for the sake of the kids!” Or, “You can’t disappoint your momma!” As with the case of Job, we also are unaware of events in the heavenly realms that affect mankind (Job 1:6-7). Do we heed the advice of friends who ignore that God may have plans that go against man’s conventional wisdom or against our traditions… no matter who it impacts?
When I think of God going against man’s conventional wisdom, I am reminded of how God must have had fun giving the traditional family “blessing” to the younger child rather than the older, a tradition that God himself set up. Jacob and Esau were the most popular siblings whose “blessing” was reversed. So who are we to question God? Is the creator not allowed to create as he sees fit? Several times in my life, I have been given advice from very well-meaning Christian people that seemed right, and they may have been full of love with no intentions to hurt anyone. Then, to find out later that events were going on behind the scenes that I was unaware of, which put a completely different spin on the situation. Because a way seems right to us does not mean that God does not have a better plan. Nor do we pick and choose what God speaks according to our own agenda. Either God says everything, or he says nothing. When we trust the Holy Spirit to guide us, even in decisions that may initially hurt some, God is always behind the scenes working for our good (Romans 8:28). When we give or receive advice that comes from self-centeredness, advice that is man-pleasing, or advice based on one-sided information, God cannot do the work in our lives that will bring about our ultimate good.
Are we never to listen to advice? No. But we sift the words from trusted friends and relatives with the Word of God and the leading of the Holy Spirit, no matter how contrary God’s voice is to common traditions. We must have God as our ultimate priority… over everyone. Everyone. Even if what God tells us goes contrary to those closest to us. For Jesus said if we put anyone, even mother, father, son, or daughter above all else, we are not worthy of Him (Matthew 10:32-39). We need to consider the source. From what viewpoint is the advice coming? The one person who gave acceptable advice was Elihu. He is not mentioned as one of Job’s friends… or as a relative. Elihu is not deemed as one to be heeded due to his age. He is young. Yet, Job 32:8 says, “But it is the spirit in a man, the breath of the Almighty, that gives understanding.” God’s spirit; not age, not having a PHD behind your name, not worldly learning, or learning from theological seminaries, not even eloquence; but it is God’s Holy Spirit which gives wisdom and understanding. When we seek or give advice, do we seek through prayer for wisdom through God’s spirit, or do we seek advice through our friends or relatives wisdom?
What is amazing about Job’s whole story is the statement Elihu made in Job 34:21, “His eyes are on the ways of men, he sees their every step.” God is shown to be more majestic than we can comprehend, yet He loves us enough to know our every step. At the end of the book, God restores. Love only wants that which is in our best interest, not man’s interest, even when we go through times of great pain. The horrible affliction Job experienced was not only for his own good but for ours as well, to learn lessons of God’s majesty, loyalty, and love. In the end, Job was restored twice over for that which was forfeited.
That’s love.
.
**Highlights in color are links for more information.
.
(Chickens photo is mine; cats meme is borrowed. And no, I’m not making any money off this blog!)
Hell. 
A foul word…
A very real place…
Can you smell it?
Can you feel it?
Life is a vapor.
Yes, there is always life: eternal life. We simply walk through the door to the other side. Do we choose the red pill or the blue pill? We will live on. The quote, “Once you’re dead, you’re dead,” only applies to our chance at life. Death is final. Physical death is very final. Yet we live on. Our spirit will endure… Forever… But where? The one tested, tried, and true theory is a place called Heaven, conversing with our Creator on streets of gold. But most ignore the inverse. The same entity that foretold Heaven…foretold the fires of Hell: a torrid place, a very real place, a place for all liars—the root of bad drama. Have you lied to the Creator? He knows your heart. He knows the evil we spew. Yet, He still loves us. He loves us so much that He poured out grace. We will never be able to overcome the consequences of our sin nature… so He died in our place. He paid our debt. And yet, He is patient. He lets us dwell in the midst of our evil, giving us chance after chance to choose… to choose life or death… to decide between truth and lies.
Heaven or Hell: a very real place. Can you smell it? Can you feel it? Life is a vapor…
Choose…
.
“… to be cast into hell, into the fire that shall never be quenched—“ ~Mark 9:45
“The wicked shall be turned into hell,
And all the nations that forget God.” ~Psalm 9:17
.
Someone once told me that because I did not trust him, I did not possess unconditional love.
Another person once told me that because I did not ignore the wrongs she inflicted on me, I had an unforgiving heart.
Both people said I was not showing a biblical spirit. Have you been accused of the same?
And yet, could they back up their position on actual scripture??
Just what are “biblical” love, trust, and forgiveness? Does anyone really know for sure? Depending on the situation, I’ve had some of the most asinine excuses. Some were quite laughable. Unfortunately, even seasoned Christians sometimes use these guilt tactics to further their own cause. I think we are all guilty at times.
Ask yourself a few quick questions and check to see in what context they are using scripture in their accusations:
So, let’s refer back to the Bible… Yes, Jesus said to turn the other cheek. He also said to brush the dust off your feet and leave town if they reject the truth. Jesus said to go the extra mile and give until it hurts. But he also overturned the money-changers in the temple… very angrily, I might add! (Luke 6:29-31 & Matt 10:14 & John 2:13-17) So which is it? Are we to be doormats or angry at sin?
I know it all sounds contradictory, hypocritical, and two-faced. But really it’s not; it’s both. You see, there is great strength in love. There are boundaries in forgiveness. And God in his awesomeness gives us the Holy Spirit for some good old-fashioned common sense!!
I am reminded of what is called “The Love Chapter” in 1st Corinthians 13. The middle of the chapter gives God’s definition of love:
Love is patient and kind;
love does not envy or boast;
it is not arrogant or rude.
It does not insist on its own way;
it is not irritable or resentful;
it does not rejoice at wrongdoing,
but rejoices with the truth.
Love bears all things,
believes all things,
hopes all things,
endures all things.
Do you see that? The two highlighted lines? Most of the description is about simply being “nice,” character traits that I agree most in our society have totally forgotten. But the two highlighted lines are simply ignored by people with an agenda. Love puts others’ best interests above oneself. That also means we sometimes need to say things that make us very unpopular, an act that is almost impossible for non-confrontational people. Love will not ignore, excuse, or gloss over truth in the name of grace. Love is grace in truth.
And trust? Trust and love are not synonymous. Jesus said in Matthew 10:16, “Behold, I send you out as sheep in the midst of wolves. Therefore be wise as serpents and harmless as doves.” That doesn’t sound like Jesus is too trusting of men to me! And then God says in Jeremiah 17:5, “Cursed is the man who trusts in man and makes flesh his strength.” Wow! So much for trust! Oh, but then, He goes on to say, “Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose trust is in the Lord.” So, there you go. We do trust. But we have to be selective as to where we put that trust. Why? So we are not led astray into the abyss of someone else’s control, because that’s not love. We trust men only when they are saturated in God’s truth and in God’s love. In essence, we trust men through God.
And yes, we all need to forgive, but love will not accuse someone of unforgiveness to cover up their own sin. A wrong against another is still wrong. Forgiveness frees up the anger in our own souls. Forgiveness does not negate the wrong; forgiveness negates revenge. God will take care of judgment. When we hold unforgiveness, we are, in essence, playing God. But we should never gloss over sin in the name of forgiveness. God will still hold them accountable. We only need to be concerned about our own hearts.
How do we know if we have unconditional love and forgiveness? Watch our thoughts along with our actions:
God does not acknowledge our good deeds if our motives are in the wrong place. God cares about the heart.
Love does not promote itself, but it will stand firm.
Love is unselfish.
Love is strength in truth.
.
**Highlights in color are links for more information.
.
What does it take to be a good mother? Perfection? And whose perspective of perfection do we strive to achieve? Yours? Mine? The government? Or possibly, that perfection of the “Proverbs 31 Woman” the church promotes?
We went to the movies this Mother’s Day… and we saw a Mother’s Day movie… just because. Normally, I would only pay money at the theater to see movies where the action is lost on my home TV. But the previews looked pretty good, and I was in the mood to smile. Moms’ Night Out actually made us laugh, relate, laugh, and relate some more! It’s lighthearted fun. Yet, the mainstream criticism hurled at the movie was directed at the mom’s choice of staying at home… and homeschooling! The movie actually celebrates mothers. It has a good plot, good actors, and good-quality cinematography, and, of course, Trace Adkins stole the show! What’s not to love? Yet, some just had to complain. And complain. And complain some more.
Global Warming? Terrorism? Natural Disasters? No… the greatest threat to our country is the breakdown of the family. Our culture has reversed. Before the industrial revolution, mothers were ridiculed and condemned for working outside the home. Now… mothers are ridiculed and condemned for staying home… and mothering! When my kids were young, I was pretty good with my replies to belittling questions such as, “What do you do?” followed by blank looks of boredom. Like I actually sat on my derrière all day watching soap operas and eating Bonbons! I was busier during the times I spent my days “playing house” than when I brought home a bona fide paycheck! But our culture does not put great worth on mothers who choose the “old-fashioned” life, the “lazy” life, or the sacrificial life. So… we leave our children in the arms of another and climb the corporate ladder.
My reply? “I’m a Domestic Engineer and CEO of a corporation responsible for training future agents to aid in our quest for a better society.” I liked it.
I’m not against women working. Sounds contradictory?? I occasionally worked. And occasionally, I worked full time! Sometimes it is necessary. But mostly… it is not at all necessary. Do we really need the material life? The deciding factor is in our priorities. Proverbs 31 gives a pretty good description of the kind of woman God appreciates. Does she sit at home wasting away? No. Does she shove her husband and children off to build her own empire? No. She works for her family! Proverbs 30:8 says to give me neither riches nor poverty. Balance and priorities… lost treasured words.
So, does being a stay-at-home mom always produce perfect little adults? No. Although history does prove that most healthy adults are produced from solid, secure childhoods, with one parent who is a “constant” in the child’s life. Thus, the biggest reason divorce is so utterly destructive to the family. Divorce automatically creates a single-parent home. Yet, there are no guarantees. I have often seen good kids come out of bad homes and bad kids come out of good homes!
Part of the degradation of the stay-at-home mom is their longing for control of our children, and the societal parent-bashing begins. If our children are placed in the hands of outsiders, we have lost our future. Our overreaching government (influenced by Satan) seems to think they know what’s best for us and especially our children and seeks to eliminate families altogether. I see headlines almost daily reporting on parents being threatened with their child’s removal from their home by a child service worker on a witch hunt. The most effective way today is through medical blackmail. Do parents really know best? Have you watched TV in the past decade? The Hollywood parent has been dubbed the recipient of demeaning jokes, especially the father. Parental rights are diminishing. Even our president (Obama) has turned over to the “experts,” teaching his daughters the century-old art of driving a car! One of my fondest memories is the day my dad took me to the local racetrack when I was only 14 and let me have the wheel. Oh sure, the track was closed, and we were in an empty parking lot, so it wasn’t as exciting as actually driving on the track, but I was with my dad! Who do we want our kids to look back on and remember being by their side throughout their childhood, a so-called expert or their parent?
What about local entities that cause division in our homes? Not only do we have our government interfering in our families, but we also have schoolteachers, physicians, and yes… relatives.
When normal childhood problems arise, do those closest to us help or hinder? Everyone seems to think they know what’s best for little Johnny, disregarding the very people who brought him into the world. Parental-authority bashing has become fair game. Our society claims bad behavior is the parents’ fault. We are masters at blame-shifting! Most people don’t realize that even God taught that each person is responsible for their own sin and their own actions. If our children are continually enabled to escape responsibility for their actions, so that the responsibility for their bad behavior is blame-shifted onto their parents, how will they ever come to the place where they realize they need forgiveness from God? Shifting (crossing parental boundaries) personal responsibility from the children to their parents is inadvertent control by the shifter. When people cannot control themselves, they attempt to control others. As a result, little Johnny and Sally grow up lacking in allegiance to their family. Their allegiance is transferred to themselves and anyone who can meet their selfish desires. When parental boundaries are crossed, whether it be by a relative, teacher, or the government, the child formulates a belief that his/her parents’ values are worthless. This belief eventually spills over into their remaining authority figures. If our children are turned against the authority of their parents, how will they learn to respect outside authority? Without the structure of proper authority, children do not learn respect for others, which leads to self-centered lives, which leads to an “anything goes” morality, which finally leads to chaos and death. Our court systems and jails are full of those who believe they are above the law and those who believe they are wiser than the learned, and therefore, they are unlearned. Stats show that more than 80% of inmates come from broken homes. We have more laws on the books than ever in our history, and yet, our country is more incarcerated than any other on earth. Morality cannot be legislated!
The popular philosophy of parent-bashing has hit all levels of society, even from their own grandparents. Parent-bashing is a phenomenon that reverberates not only from the rebellious child toward their parent but also from the grandparents toward their own children, even in the most subtle ways. Grandparenting is easy. You load them up with hugs and love and send them home. Right? Except sometimes, love is self-promoting, replacing the parent with the grandparent, and thereby destroying the parental relationship, severing their parental bond. Little Johnny brings home a horrible grade in school due to his homework negligence, and Grandpa tells him to ignore Mommy’s reprimand because Mommy occasionally made bad grades too. Little Sally insists on attending a party with very questionable characters, and when Daddy says no, Grandma pulls in the drive to give her a ride. And what disciplines does little Johnny learn? What character trait does little Sally pick up? Not only do they learn to disregard their parents’ authority, but they also learn to disregard all authority.
I have seen whole families torn apart, separated, and divorced due to a grandparent or two who insist on being the primary love in the child’s life. Selfish people do not put others above themselves. Jesus said, “A man’s enemies will be the members of his own household.” And he says in the last days, “Because of the increase of wickedness, the love of most will grow cold.” Unfortunately, I have seen this in my lifetime. I have seen grandparents lie to and about their own children, turning the family against them, in order to take control of their grandchildren so that the grandparent will be the center of their grandchild’s world. Lies disintegrate trust that takes a lifetime to rebuild. Grandparents remove personal responsibility from the grandchildren and blame-shift to the generation caught in-between. If that interfering grandparent were an exemplary parent themselves, there would be no need to interfere in the parent/child relationship with their grandchildren, for their children would automatically be great parents! Do you see how that works? If the grandparent does not agree with the parenting philosophy of their children towards their grandchildren, maybe the grandparent should realize that they were the very people who raised their grandchildren’s parents in the first place! If they did not raise perfect children, they may not be qualified to give unwarranted advice about raising their grandchildren! The presence, influence, and mentorship of the extended family, especially the grandparents, are very important and imperative in the development of children, but never to the extent of overruling the parent. Grandparental interference will not only destroy both parent/child relationships; left unchecked, it will destroy the whole family.
One of the best books I have read on the role of a grandparent is A Call to Grandparenting, by Mark Adcock, which celebrates the role of the grandparent. Again… it boils down to balance.
Sadly, many divorced parents lie and brainwash their children against their ex, severing their child’s relationships with the other parent out of jealousy and revenge, especially if the ex has remarried. These interferences cause their own children years of broken relationships… And since God is a God of Justice… the damage done will always backfire against the one who lied. Eventually, children grow up and (most of the time) will figure out where the lies lie. The anger and rejection grown children felt against the parent who was lied about will then transfer to the parent/grandparent behind the lies. And sadly, without forgiveness, more broken relationships ensue. Maybe we would not have as many broken relationships if we took to heart Jesus’ words: “Things that cause people to sin are bound to come, but woe to that person through whom they come. It would be better for him to be thrown into the sea with a millstone tied around his neck than for him to cause one of these little ones to sin.” ~Luke 17:1-2 Whether from an ex or a grandparent, encouraging a child to turn against their parent for your own benefit, to hold them closer to you, is causing that little one to sin. Period.
No one describes the pain of broken relationships better than Rich Mullins in his song: We are not as strong as we think we are…
Now, what do the paragraphs above have to do with complaints about mothers not working outside the home? It’s all in the priorities and the covenant of the nuclear family. The big question is, what does it look like to selfLESSly want the best for others, especially our children? How do we show unselfish love? Most of the time, it means simply minding our own business! From our government all the way down to our relatives. If we only take responsibility for that which is our responsibility, not only will our lives be more peaceful, but our relationships with others will be richer. Most of the time, this philosophy requires a dose of common sense. Naturally, if you see physical abuse, you need to step forward and intervene. But, most of the time, divisions in families are caused by selfishness from those who are determined to control others. When little Johnny or Sally has an issue, step back and let the parent be the parent first. Your grandchildren will respect you more if they have their roots first in the parent-bond.
“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” ~1 Corinthians 13:4-7
.
**Highlights in color are links for more information.
.
Time period: October ‘09…
Tent City… it’s nothing more than a wooded area under an overpass by the Cumberland River. The dwellings are makeshift homes occupied by the homeless of Nashville, with conditions so rough that no children are allowed. But this “city” is duplicated in almost every major metropolitan area across the country. Our purpose in our weekly visits is to attempt to ‘teach a man to fish’ rather than put Band-Aids on gaping wounds by the feed-n-run system. Not only do we try to provide aid to their stomachs, but we have also developed relationships, which led to sharing God’s word, helping to find jobs, and relocating… if they so choose. Unfortunately, whether due to past run-ins with the law, addictions, or, more often than not, mental illness, most pick homelessness as their way of life.
Most have lost hope.
Welcome to our home…
What a night!! Even though we’ve been going to Tent City every Tuesday night for quite a while now, there is always a new story to tell. Although ‘residents’ seem to rotate, with more arriving in Tent City each week, there are a few constants with whom we struck up relationships. When we arrived last night, one of the residents was waiting at the ‘entrance’ with Cowboy’s homemade cart to help us carry our supplies back into the camp. And to our great relief, Cowboy hand-built a long table out of scrap wood for us to spread the food on and hopefully cut down on the chaos. Cowboy is quite a character, a veteran, and the self-appointed mayor of the city. Though he and Rhonda, his “wife,” have resided in Tent City for several years, he gave the impression they traveled up with lots of stories from Texas. Sounds logical.
Cowboy
The girl I call ‘Tripper’ (she always seems to be ‘tripping’ on some kind of drug!) usually crowds in and hugs and touches everyone. Cowboy’s table normally would have cut down on the physical contact, but she just reached over and gave me the biggest hug and kept saying how beautiful we were. I do not know about that, but it was her way of showing her great appreciation for the one decent meal she had all day.
Every week, someone will offer to pray for the food, typically one of the residents. Last week, Tripper was the one to volunteer to pray! The sad thing is… she really knew the ‘churchy language’ of prayer. Some have been in church enough, and were even raised in the church, that they know about religion but never actually knew about having or developing a real relationship with God. Their lives have taken such a left turn, and they are so utterly far away from the Lord that they find themselves in a very destructive place. Their world is dark, and they are emotionally guarded, but they also long for authentic love.
Most residents love to hug, which is very hard for a germaphobe like me, but when I’m there, I forget about everything other than showing someone cares. God cares. They have so much value and worth in His eyes. So, I hug. We all do. We are all out of our comfort zones. We remember they are people, loved people, yet forgotten people. And yet, we always need to be ready for the unexpected. Just last week, Tripper asked if we had lotion… then, with total abandon, raised up her shirt to show us her side and stomach, which exposed shingles or some sort of rash… I thought a couple of our guys were going to throw up right there!
After we served all the food, we headed back into the camp to give a couple of the residents some items we saved. One of our favorite couples moved out this last week. Their campsite looks so dark and dreary. We are concerned about the wife as last week she indicated her desire to head to another state where she had family to get away from an abusive situation.
Sweet Julie with her puppy!
All we can do now is pray. And wonder…
As we headed down the path on the right side of the fence, Donna (the instigator of our ministry!) and I were invited into the ‘den’ of a couple of the residents. The resident songwriter, Jon El, told us to be careful not to fall, as we would hurt our ‘baby buggy bumper pads’ if we slid down the muddy hill to the entrance of their camp. I’m sure that phrase was worded into one of his many songs. He tells stories of famous musicians, mostly George Strait, cutting his songs… and all the dreams of his ship coming in. They had a firepit with tarps stretched over it like a teepee. We were gently warned by Howard not to touch the tarp, as if he was protecting us from getting dirty. The firepit created a horrible smoke slime on the underside of the tarps (their roof). It’s hard to understand how any of them stay healthy. They called the den their coffeehouse. Folgers is their favorite, which made me feel guilty for craving my Costa Rican fresh grounds.
Cooking dinner…
Later, Karen and I, along with Tim (our official bodyguard) went to the tent of one who was so very excited to show us the ‘home’ where he and his wife dwelt. He had the excitement of a kid showing us a brand-new hot rod his daddy bought for his 16th birthday. They had a fire pit to cook over and an old couch and chair in the three-room tent. By the bed (a mattress on the ground), he had a TV hooked up to a car battery with a converter box so, as he said with a huge smile, they could watch CNN. Then he ‘showed off’ his heater, starting it by catching a napkin on fire with his lighter. The heater consisted of some sort of blower hooked up to a propane tank the size of a grill tank. We were amazed at how it worked to heat up their little space. His wife talked of the difficulty she was having looking for a job. Most places hire online, and she does not have access to a computer living in the woods under the overpass. But they are trying to keep up their spirits and genuinely seem like decent people. We made arrangements to get her to the library for their Internet use. I often remind myself, but for the grace of God, there go I…
Tent City Dwellings
What a muddy mess! God in his goodness, though, stopped the rain while we were there, and as soon as we headed up the path to leave, the rain came pouring down! Yes, we should feel guilty. After all, the residents of Tent City do not have a choice but to endure all the elements. Camping 24/7. I thought about what a mess I must look with my hair falling out of the barrette I had it pulled up into. And then, looking around at the surroundings I was standing in, the women there had no curling irons, blow dryers, or mirrors to put on the makeup they don’t even possess. The only shower is an enclosed plastic construction worksite contraption set up along the side of the path, with no privacy, I might add. The water is run from a hose connected to a building across the path and cold (taking a hot shower is the first thing I do when I get home). They have no double vanity, and the toilet is a port-a-potty. Yes, I’d say they look pretty good for the conditions they live in.
Shower…cold water hose
The only shower…
If I were relegated to live in Tent City, I believe for me, the most depressing matter would be to rarely enjoy a beautiful sunset. As I’m sitting here writing this, I’m looking out my balcony at the pinkish-orange clouds changing colors into reddish-yellow and dropping below the horizon. Last week we did see a beautiful sunset as we were walking through the clearing of the path on our way out of the camp. This week the sky was gray and dreary. Down the paths of Tent City, the trees by the Cumberland River, the highway overpass, and the elevated train tracks all block any view of God’s colorful sunsets.
The dark path…the entrance to Tent City
The tracks under the overpass by the Cumberland River…enter Tent City behind the trees to the left.
The Upper Class of Tent City
After leaving the homeless at Tent City, I guess the biggest excitement of my evening was dinner at McDonald’s (I know, disgusting, right?!!). I did not return home with the rest of the gang, as I needed to pick up a friend at the airport who wasn’t due in for a couple of hours. I wanted to stay close to the highway for easy access, and parking is not the greatest on a rainy night in downtown Nashville (and I felt very stinky from the campsite), so I reluctantly opted for the double arches to kill some time.
As I entered the fast food restaurant, I noticed a variety of patrons. There were a couple of families, a few who looked like they just got off work, and then there were a couple of people that looked homeless…my night, I guess. Your typical patrons of the Double Arches.
As I was mindlessly watching the idiocy of CNN on the restaurant TV, I was distracted by a ruckus at the trash cans. A small man was reaching inside, moving the lid around. At first, I thought he was a worker trying to take the trash to the dumpster, but then he shoved the lid back and walked down the aisle, right past me, complaining (cussing) about the trash not having anything to eat inside. The manager came down the aisle after him and asked what was said. I overheard the homeless man telling the manager he wanted to buy something but only had a couple of dollars. Then the manager escorted him to the front (I couldn’t see the counter as I was sitting in the side dining area). I thought maybe he was escorting him out, but the next thing I knew, the man came back to the area I was sitting with a bag of food and sat down in the booth right next to me! He was facing the TV, watching CNN. After he scarfed down the food, he cleaned up the table better than any employee.
After a few minutes, he started cussing at the TV and saying something about the government sending his son and all the kids into Afghanistan. The more he talked, the more agitated he became. The next thing I knew, he pulled up his shirt, and though it looked as if he was going to fix his pants, he pulled out a small liquor bottle and took a big swig. He then slipped the bottle back down his pants as if no one observed his actions. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. He was in such a sad state. After a while, he started getting too loud, probably half drunk, until the manager finally escorted him out.
I commended the manager for giving him the food for the couple of dollars the man had on him. Even though he would be considered by most to be of the ‘dregs of society,’ he is also a person, valuable in God’s eyes, the same with the residents of Tent City. This morning I was reading Psalm 139:13-16, “For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb….” The writer expresses how God knew us from the beginning, while we were yet unformed, and He still loves us! No matter how chaotic or destructive our lives become, we are still loved and cherished, even if not by our fellow man. We will always be loved by the Lord, whether in plenty or in want. If only the residents of Tent City would be able to grasp that love…
Tent City
Millions of people
driving by,
lost in themselves nor
asking why.Deep within the woods
come their cry,
a people unknown
left to die.Societies waste
castaways,
hunger in their eyes
no one plays.Is there salvation,
who will pray
for God’s lost children
led astray?
Finding God’s Love in the depths of poverty…
**UPDATE: I wrote this piece in October of 2009. Our group continued visiting the residents at Tent City until the next May when the 100-year flood hit Nashville and destroyed a good part of Middle Tennessee, completely wiping out Tent City. The guys from our group risked their lives to literally drag out every last resident and drive them to safer ground. The residents were relocated across the county, most to homes with much better conditions. While we were unable to help all the residents find healing in a better life, we were able to help a couple of families find jobs and housing, enabling them to reunite with their children. Isn’t that what it’s all about? We may not be able to help all… but if only we can help one…
.
Have you ever downloaded a new computer program that was not user-friendly without an instruction booklet? We spend countless hours surfing and clicking in an attempt to master the unreachable. After screaming in frustration, we search for an instructor to show us how to comprehend and navigate before we can benefit from the program. Finally, with no instruction book and no instructor, in frustration we succumb to defeat and toss the whole computer out the window.
God’s Word and Christianity are much the same. How many times do we fervently read scripture only for the words to fall flat? How many times do we come upon a situation that seems unreasonable?
We need the Holy Spirit to help the Word come alive, not only in our hearts but also in our minds. In Acts 28:26-27, Paul quotes the prophet Isaiah, “You will be ever hearing but never understanding; you will be ever seeing but never perceiving.” For this people’s heart has become calloused…” Opening our hearts to God’s Holy Spirit will soften the calluses of our lives and enable us to understand the deep meanings within the scriptures. Seeking mentors who are grounded in the Word will help us navigate through the Word to apply it to our lives.
Taking the occasional inventory will help keep us moving forward:
1) Do we pray before/during/after reading scripture?
2) Does our close circle of friends/relatives pull us to God or away from God?
3) Does our local church (pastor, elders, and teachers) point us first to God’s precepts (His Word) or to their own theology?
Before we throw out the computer, disregard the Bible, or throw away our lives, seek His guidance for understanding life’s navigation. Asking the Lord beforehand may save us tremendously in the end!
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.
For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.“For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven
and do not return there but water the earth,
making it bring forth and sprout,
giving seed to the sower and bread to the eater,
so shall my word be that goes out from my mouth;
it shall not return to me empty,
but it shall accomplish that which I purpose,
and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it.“For you shall go out in joy
and be led forth in peace;
the mountains and the hills before you
shall break forth into singing,
and all the trees of the field shall clap their hands.
Instead of the thorn shall come up the cypress;
instead of the brier shall come up the myrtle;
and it shall make a name for the Lord,
an everlasting sign that shall not be cut off.”
.
**Highlights in color are links for more information.
.
I am one who despises religion… I’m more into relationships. Not only that, but I go to church… for relationships. Not the traditional rituals. The Bible is clear that the traditions held by mankind hold no meaning in God’s eyes. The apostle Paul describes it best in Galatians 3. Rituals, traditions, and religions do not save the soul. Yet, we still have them. We still go. To. Church. Maundy Thursday seems to be the new rage these days. Our church held their first Maundy Thursday service this year. Normally, I am not one to get hyped up about these kinds of services. They seem so very… ritualistic.
Jesus taught in parables. He taught by example. Kids learn more by observing their parents than from any textbook. Traditions, festivals, religious holidays, etc. do serve a purpose. They “show” us the event. But save us? No. So then, why do we bother?
I was ever so glad when I was asked to run the media during the Thursday service. Work is always the perfect excuse to avoid participation. I could hide behind the sound booth where no one notices. My husband was asked at the last minute to participate in the live depiction of the Last Supper. So we were both busy. All settled. Foot-washing ritual avoided!
During the service I hit play on a couple of videos that showed Ray Vander Laan explaining in detail the purposes behind each ritualistic position. Why they leaned on their right… or was it the left… arm. Why they wanted to sit in such and such a place at the table. Why Jesus dipped in the bowl of bitter herbs… with Judas. That part of the service I love. The whys? We read and hear things about Christianity that makes no absolute sense in today’s world. We have dishwashers and stoves. We drive cars and fly in planes. Why does it matter which arm they sat on? We sit at the table, and they sit on the dirt floor.
Jesus, in his loving and patient way, lived what he spoke. He said serve. So, He served. He was the leader. The king of the pack. The President. We are to serve those above. Yet, Jesus grabbed the title of the servant… the seat on the other side of the table… and took up the rag. He washed their feet. The King… washed their feet!
So, yeah… we have this “Foot Washing” in the middle of the service. Oh, don’t get me wrong… I love a good foot massage! I am not above having my feet washed… Hey go for the whole deal… I’ll even provide the lotions! And for me to wash others… fiddlesticks, I’ve wiped plenty of babies’ butts! No, the mechanics of the act have no effect on me.
It’s the ritual. The meaning. Lost in today’s world.
A low voice circles around the sound booth door… Can I wash your feet?
If there is one person in the whole church who deserves a spa pampering day… it’s the momma of a pre-teen and a very special boy! I believe the parents are just as, if not more, special than the child. Life never quits. She drops in bed exhausted every night. Yet, full of love. Her house is the host of many a gathering… even in the midst of their own chaos. Always working. Always caring. Always giving. And she wanted to wash my feet.
No way… I should be washing hers!
Then Peter’s words popped out. And Jesus replied. And the least shall be first and the first shall be least. So we wash. And be washed. Washed with the Spirit. The spirit of fellowship. The spirit of Love.
Ritual? Yes… to show… to remind us to feel… to love.
.
**Highlights in color are links for more information.
.
**The sidewalk picture downtown in Fortville is mine. I don’t own the rights to the original washbowl & wheelchair images, and I’m not making any money on them.
The cosmic question of the day: Why do people hurt people? I believe research concludes that people hurt others because they were also hurt by others. Hurt people hurt people. In any relationship, if we understand the root cause of an attitude or conflict, the conflict will become inconsequential. At the root of any conflict lies a sin of some sort, usually pride or lust. Spoiled people hurt people. “Life is all about me.” These days, people are easily offended, even by words not directed at them. Society loves to play the victim. Society loves to lash out. We are a society of extremes. Our society has been living on no absolutes for about thirty years now. We are so lost in our own self-preservation we forget how to truly love… unconditionally. For the most part, our society does not understand the concept of love. Love is unselfish. Yet, our society believes love is what makes us feel good. Then, when we don’t get our way, we hurt.
People hurt people. Hurt people hurt people.
In my first two posts, Divorce… The Crumbling of Mankind and After Divorce… A New Drama Begins; I wrote about the ugliness of divorce and the effect it has on families and on our society. While the subject can be quite depressing, my intent, if not successful, was to convey God’s redemption and restoration. I know firsthand we can have a great life after divorce. I know a lot of people who live in a much healthier state of mind, emotions, and well-being after healing from divorce. But what is not expressed, especially by mainstream society, is the baggage that will be carried for life, even by those who carry the least amount of fault. I say the least, because in divorce, no one is without fault. No one. And besides the loss of a child, I don’t believe anything is more destructive than divorce.
So how do we get past that which has hurt us? How do we tumble out of the rain into the sunshine? Whether your pain is from childhood trauma, physical impairments, the death of a loved one, abortion, financial problems, bad relationships, divorce, etc., you can find healing through forgiveness. I would venture to say only through forgiveness. The famous quote by Gandhi, “Nobody can hurt me without my permission,” is intended to shift perspective and give control to ourselves rather than those around us. Gandhi used the quote when he practiced civil disobedience to stay strong against his attackers. While on the outside, this quote seems to be the answer to all our pain, the reality is we can only rely on our own will to take care of us physically, but the soul will remain empty. Psalm 32:3 says, “When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long.” Only when we get to the root of our issue, internal forgiveness, will we be able to walk in true freedom. I know more than anyone the faith it takes to give up control of the pain from wrongs inflicted and let the Lord deal with the injustice. Our nature leans towards vengeance. We need justification. But are our sins any less? Did Jesus not die for us too? God has proven over and over that His vengeance is always just. And sometimes God has a way of “payback” that leaves us shaking our heads knowing only God could pull that off!
And what about those supposed “Christians” or even our “family” who turn on us? Joseph is the perfect example of a man so very hurt by his brothers, friends, and co-workers, yet who refused to seek his own desire for justification. He let God handle every situation. In Genesis 50:19-20, Joseph said to them, “Do not be afraid, for am I in the place of God? But as for you, you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good, in order to bring it about as it is this day, to save many people alive.” By releasing his hurt to the Lord’s recompense, he was instrumental in saving two whole nations! Out of jealousy, David was hunted by King Saul. In 1st Samuel 26:10-11, David said furthermore, “As the Lord lives, the Lord shall strike him, or his day shall come to die, or he shall go out to battle and perish. The Lord forbid that I should stretch out my hand against the Lord’s anointed.” And God did just that. Saul perished, and David was held faultless. Will we be faultless if we seek our own revenge?
Let it go. Love as the Lord loves. Live in freedom.
“Is not this laid up in store with me,
sealed up in my treasuries?
Vengeance is mine, and recompense,
for the time when their foot shall slip;
for the day of their calamity is at hand,
and their doom comes swiftly.’
For the Lord will vindicate his people
and have compassion on his servants,
when he sees that their power is gone
and there is none remaining, bond or free.”
~Deuteronomy 32:34-36 (ESV)
“If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” ~Romans 12:18-20 (ESV)
.
**Highlights in color are links for more information.
.
“Hey you! Yes, you! Single? But you know life with me will be so much better than your ex! Let’s join forces and start our own family!”
And a new journey begins…
The scenario is common place in today’s world. Boy meets girl, falls in love, gets married, and has the proverbial 2.5 kids. Life happens. Marriages fall apart. Families separate. Life goes on. The boy meets another girl. But this time…
It’s like a Hollywood film. Now, there’s a demon full of hypocrisy! Movies, series, and sitcoms encourage divorce. They prey on the drama. The new romance is glorified. But, after the nuptials, the stepparents are depicted in the same light as preachers, grandparents, or anything deemed “old-fashioned.” The stepmother is depicted as evil in children’s films. The stepfather is shown either as a buffoon or an ogre. Volumes have been written, directed, and produced on the negativity of the stepparent. And yet, the contradictions fly when divorce and remarriage are romanticized and glorified, not giving consideration to the children… those little characters woven into every scene for that “awe” effect.
His kids… her kids. And thus, the top reason second marriages experience a higher divorce rate than first marriages. With the high number of divorces, even in the church, a divorced person will have a pretty good chance of becoming a stepparent! When a young couple has a baby, they blend and grow with the baby. They develop strategies together. They both have the same rights and privileges with their child because the child is half the other parent. With stepkids, the parents have already established their own system and take offense when a new spouse attempts to make changes. And thus, the drama begins…
Did you think the kids would naturally like you, the new stepparent?
Did you think his kids and her kids would actually like each other?
Most divorced parents fail to contemplate the issues lurking around the corner when they enter into another relationship. I lost count of the couples I have personally known who found themselves in divorce court for the second and third time. And their #1 complaint? His kids… her kids. Unfortunately, so many disappointed new spouses blame the kids, when the child’s behavior is only a reflection of the emotions produced from the trauma and upheaval in their world. Emotions that children do not have the maturity level to process.
Even in the best of situations, children typically feel a gap, or a relational void, between the stepparent/siblings. Why? Even in the best of situations, children will always secretly dream of their own parents reuniting.
God placed within the heart of every human the longing for family… for roots. This is the reason most adoptees will search out their biological parents. We all long for security and a sense of belonging. When parents divorce, the family trinity is broken, and the child feels ripped apart. Two parents, two homes, two moms, two dads: never fully belonging in either family.
And yet… we do belong. We belong to the Great I Am, our creator, our redeemer, our savior.
So nothing else matters, right? Right?
Except…
We have to live… daily… with immature people… with fallible people… and they have to live with us… and we have to blend. Adjustments are always difficult, especially with fallible people.
Please understand; the stepparent should never take the place of a biological parent. Contrary to popular belief, it would be a mistake for a future stepparent to assume the kids will consider them a second mom/dad. Most of the time, the stepparents end up considering themselves blessed if the kids actually accept the subsequent marriage to their dad/mom! But to expect a relationship with the stepkids on a level any deeper than that of a niece or nephew is fantasy. It’s no different from living with a teenager in any home…the parent cannot do anything right. Remember as teenagers, we all thought our parents were out of touch and full of marbles, until we became parents ourselves! And it is even more so with a stepparent! Having said that, of course, there are those cases where the relationship with the bio parent is toxic and/or abusive and the stepparent is able to fill a bigger role. But generally, a stepparent will never replace either biological parent.
Even though most of my friends who are stepparents never attempted to replace the biological parent, I know several whose new spouse’s ex-wife’s/husband’s insecurities created a very dysfunctional atmosphere (I do have personal experience here!). Due to a longing for the security of the union of both parents by the children, the stepparent is a prime target for their hostility, especially when one parent portrays their ex’s new spouse as the enemy (more personal experience!). Unfortunately, a lot of parents behave more like the Crazy Ex-Girlfriend than the stabilizing mother/father the child needs. Be aware that quite often, even when a stepparent has a healthy view of the stepchild relationship, the ex may not. Not many mothers or fathers want to give up half of their rightful parenting time to another person, especially having to share with their ex’s new spouse. Jealousy flies deep and only backfires.
Many reading this have not yet divorced and therefore cannot yet comprehend the extent of separation that comes with a divided family. This post was written for the most part with you in mind. My prayer is that you will do everything in your power to “mow the grass on your side of the fence” first before searching for greener pastures. They do not exist. Keep the dogs out of your current marriage. Don’t grow old with only regret to look back on! Just because you don’t want your spouse does not mean no one else will want them either. Someone is always waiting around the corner. Men, do you not realize that one man’s trash is another man’s treasure? Women, do you not realize one woman’s knockoff is another woman’s designer wardrobe? Do you treat your marriage like a contract or a covenant? If you are not committed to your marriage, you are flirting with divorce. Are you ready to share your children? How would you feel if you watched your child leave your door every week or month to live where you have no control? And ultimately, are you ready for a stepparent to step into your shoes to care for your child in a home on the other side of town? Even if the stepparent does not attempt to replace the parent, the child still needs to be cared for while on those visits (bed sheets, food, laundry, etc.). Understandably, some parents feel their relationship with their children is threatened when a stepparent enters their child’s life. Their insecurity will not give room for anyone else, especially their ex’s new wife or husband. Though the stepparent should never take the place of the parent, each visitation brings fears of replacement, especially for the mom.
If you are not yet divorced, and the negative scenarios in this post are not the family life you envisioned, purpose in your heart to make your present family solid. The best thing dads can do for their kids is to put aside their own life and love their mom, and only their mom. The best thing moms can do for their kids is to respect their dad. You are not alone in your struggles. Do not be too proud to seek help.
“Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.” ~Proverbs 15:22
The adjustments of a newlywed childless couple in a first marriage are no comparison to the adjustments of a newlywed couple in a blended family. My hope is that whoever is reading this will take off any rose-colored glasses when entering into a relationship involving children. Many reading this will be able to relate to the heartache of divorce, having to let go of part of your children long before they would naturally leave the nest. Loneliness is hard. But the Lord wants to help you heal. There is hope. God is a God of Restoration! With a lot of hard work and patience, you will get through the valleys and find yourself on a mountain again.
I know more than anyone how hard it is, but never grow weary of doing good! But most of all… pray! Pray for God’s comfort and strength. You will need it… and He will give it.
“For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life. And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up. So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to those who are of the household of faith.” ~Galatians 6:8-10
~Update: Click here for the 2nd half of this post… Do you Really want to be a Stepparent? Part 2
.
.
**Highlights in color are links for more information.
.
His friends, her friends; his house, her house. Surprisingly, most people do not consider the division of friends when a marriage ends. As you are deciding who gets the silver china and who gets the Oriental rug, be prepared to divide all the people in your life. Be prepared to let go of most of your friends. Sometimes, though, that’s not such a bad idea. Sometimes, it’s the friends who do the separating!
Remember your one friend in elementary school? You know the one who expected everyone to be friends with them but not friends with each other. You will find that friend in every age group. People are generally selfish beings. And nothing brings that raunchy character out more than divorce.
Divorce not only brings out the best of the worst of the couple; divorce brings out the best of the worst of their circle of friends. The division of friends, along with the division of the family, happens every time. (That’s not just an opinion!)
People love a good catfight! Our society thrives on drama…he said, she said. Unfortunately, the church is no different, another reason God said He hates divorce, though divorce is NOT the unpardonable sin! (Malachi 2:13-16) The domino effect of gossip ripples through society, starting with the marriage…to the children…to the in-laws…to the friends…to the church…and eventually, throughout the whole community.
“I’m only telling you this so you can pray for them…”
And by the time that “prayer request” gets through the chain, the situation seems bad enough to excommunicate, throw someone in jail, and call in the military! Especially in a divorce situation, people will automatically believe the negative without thinking about verifying the faulty one-sided information. Why?
Because someone is wrong.
Because someone is hurt.
Because, even though our society will not admit there is a core in every person that hides a conscience screaming for right or wrong, people will naturally stand beside those whom they believe to benefit their own lives. It does not matter whether that person is right or wrong. It does not matter if they have faulty information. It does not matter if they only have one-sided information. Neutrality is nonexistent. They will pick sides, a side that benefits themselves.
In divorce, each party is wrong in one way or another. No one is ever totally right. One party may be more at fault than the other, but neither party is innocent.
We are all sinners.
We all make mistakes.
We all need to forgive.
We all need grace.
Yet, even in our progressive society, divorced people are demeaned on all levels. A divorcee is branded, tattooed, and labeled. Statistics show a married couple to have greater opportunities than divorced singles, especially women.
Oh, the men she attracts. Oh, the wives who automatically judge. I once had a neighbor across the street to my right who marched next door while the single (divorced) neighbor to my left was mowing her lawn. Mrs. Married proceeded to demand Ms. Single stay away from her husband. The two had never met. The poor single girl had just moved in the weekend before. The married neighbor came to the assumption that our new neighbor was single and obviously divorced since she had a child on the front porch and would naturally make a play for her husband.
Labeled…branded…tattooed…
Do you think it won’t happen to you? No one does. The hurt from a sour marriage clouds any rational thinking. All they look for is a door to a better life. The temptation of Door #2. Do you remember that old show? Blindly pick a man behind a closed door based on his answers to questions designed to detect his perfection. Is my dreamboat sitting behind Door #2? Or maybe Door #3? Only to find the person that answered their questions with perfection was slightly less than average. And, maybe Door #1 wasn’t quite so bad after all…
Do you really want that kind of life? Oh, if we would only mow the grass on our side of the fence first…
We are all sinners.
We all make mistakes.
We all need to forgive.
We all need grace.
.
**Updated to add these sites for further research:
https://www.barrowsfirm.com/post/divorce-and-friendship-navigating-changes-in-social-circles
https://news.gallup.com/poll/642590/married-americans-thriving-higher-rates-unmarried-adults.aspx
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC7452000/
https://www.wf-lawyers.com/divorce-statistics-and-facts/
Cohabitation:
https://ifstudies.org/ifs-admin/resources/reports/cohabitationreportapr2023-final.pdf
https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2019/11/06/marriage-and-cohabitation-in-the-u-s/
.
**Highlights in color are links for more information.
.
What’s the harm? No one will know…
He secretly flirts. He thinks, “What is the harm in just one peek? No one will know about the X-rated video rented from the small rental store on the other side of town. No one is up at 3:00 a.m., when the internet is secretive, where over 1 billion people go to p@rn sites daily.” Then, unaware of its presence, lust sneaks up and runs over him. Finally, he wakes up one day under the weight of metal and rubber, reeling from addiction.
I really believe p@rn is quickly becoming the number one marriage killer, something I experienced firsthand. Why does it have such a devastating effect on the marriage, the family, and the addicted one? … It is pure deception. Not only is p@rn deceptive to men (and, these days, a growing number of women as well), but in turn, the husband is deceptive to his wife, his family, and ultimately to God. The industry has actually admitted the pictures are altered to make the subjects look like man’s greatest fantasy. No woman could ever look that flawless in the flesh. Quite frankly, if she even had the ability to look that perfect, everyday life keeps women too busy to put that much work into the upkeep! Men addicted to p@rn don’t realize that the women in their fantasies are airbrushed young girls, purely self-absorbed, seeking only the self-gratification of adoration for their outward beauty, while on the inside there is only deep, empty darkness.
Most men don’t realize the girl in front of the camera is somebody’s daughter, somebody’s future wife, somebody’s future mother.
Why would p@rn, whether magazines, internet, or movies, matter to a man’s wife? What harm is there in the husband looking at other women? After all, he isn’t actually touching, is he? Coming from the wife’s perspective, I can say, the harm runs emotionally deep in ways you can’t imagine. Trust is destroyed with the realization that he is no longer “one” with only you. S@x was created by God himself, and it is beautiful. Abuse through exploitation only distorts God’s creation.
Before he even realizes there is a problem, subtle changes start taking place in his desires. Eventually, his wife’s appearance doesn’t satisfy his needs. She usually takes his dissatisfaction personally, feeling like there is something inadequate in her, feeling not only used and ugly on the outside, but on the inside as well. If she were normally a healthy and secure person, she might recognize the issue is not with her. But most women do not have a good self-image to begin with, especially with the images the media encourages of how a woman is expected to look in our society. Our husbands are supposed to be the ones we can trust to love us just as we are, even with no makeup and baggy sweats! When the wife feels she can’t satisfy him, she feels devalued, that she is not good enough for him. Love is nonexistent. Eventually, she will give up trying to please him, lose all respect for her husband, and search for her self-worth elsewhere. That’s when the friction starts, and a vicious cycle begins.
This addiction steals time—time sneaking away from the family, sneaking away from his wife, and sneaking away from God. When a friend’s ex finally admitted his deep p@rn addiction, she told him that she really thought he had a girlfriend because of his continual unknown whereabouts and his outward disgust for her. He replied, “In reality, I don’t have one girlfriend; I have hundreds.” Why equate lust to having a girlfriend? Because of the way man is designed. Jesus said, “anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” A man’s s@xual satisfaction is physical, while a woman’s satisfaction is emotional. Women tend to be drawn to romance novels and soap operas. For a man to give himself to another, it will be through the physical. His eyes pop out when she walks into the room! The husband will physically work for the family through his career. He is the muscle who moves the furniture when the wife feels the need to redecorate. He takes out the trash and changes the oil. So, when a man lusts after another physical being, he is exchanging the entire life that belongs to his wife. (And girlfriends… you do the same through romance novels and soap operas! When that guy at the office sweetens you with compliments and flowers that your husband forgot, run! It’s not worth it!) Both are categorized as adultery in God’s eyes.
Ultimately, we women feel rejected, replaced, and betrayed. Jesus said, “For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also… No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other.” Some may argue he was referring only to money, but I believe he was referring to every area of our lives, especially relationships.
What are we committed to? Where are our loyalties? If you are not committed to your marriage, you are flirting with adultery and divorce—dramas you do not want! Men, do you not realize that one man’s trash is another man’s treasure? Women, do you not realize one woman’s knock-off is another woman’s designer wardrobe? If you treasure your marriage, your whole heart will be in it. You will protect it. You will love, support, and accept your spouse for the beautiful creation to which God entrusted you.
How do you, as a wife, handle your husband’s p@rn addiction? You learn to accept yourself the way the Lord loves and accepts you! He gave his life for you. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. Your fulfillment does not come through your husband, but through the Lord. Release your husband of that responsibility, one he will never be able to fill, and cling to the Lord. Isaiah 54:6 says the Lord is your husband, even when your earthly husband chooses not to cleave to you only. Let the Lord be your identity. Only then will you have the security you desperately desire.
The condition of the heart is at the root of p@rn addiction, not physical appearance. You know the saying, “Looking for love in all the wrong places.” There is a deep place in every man’s (and woman’s) heart only the Lord can fill. Only God’s Living Water can fill and satisfy those desires. God can take away any addiction, but only if the addicted allow Him to fill those dark places with the light of his Holy Spirit. Dwell on Psalm 51 and let the Spirit of Restoration in your heart.
Hope through study in God’s word:
Our battle is not with flesh and blood, but against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. When Jesus was tempted by Satan in the desert, he answered each time with scripture:
We fight evil with good. We fight the lies of Satan with the truth of God’s word.
We counteract the lies with God’s love, meditating on His word. We are to be “wise as serpents and innocent as doves”. Dwell on 1 Corinthians 7, Ephesians 5:11-33, and Matthew 19:1-12. We need to immerse ourselves in the commitment of bonded marriage. Not a chain of strangulation and limitation, but of life and of God’s love—the only love that truly satisfies our heart’s desires.
.
Click here for the Bible Online
.
**Highlights in color are links for more information.
.
The sin of presumption. Most of us don’t even consider whether we have a presumptuous attitude. As the root of most sin is pride, a presumptuous person cannot see his own arrogance in the mirror. They travel through life on a bumpy road because they are more interested in their own opinion than in listening to others. They do things without asking permission because they know better; even the little things like reaching into a candy dish on a co-worker’s desk, or eating someone’s leftovers in the fridge because we think they are free-for-all. They are the typical “know-it-all’s” that walk to the beat of their own drum.
You know the type…but is that you? Is that me?
2 Peter 2:4-11 (AMP) explains that God did not even spare the angels who presumptuously sinned…why would we think He would spare us?
Presumption & assumption…evils that destroy relationships. Most of us are occasionally guilty of drawing wrong conclusions. Or we often listen to the half-truths of others and form a wrong opinion of an innocent person. How often do we interrupt others because, of course, our opinion is always much better? “For if God did not spare angels when they sinned…” (v4) Why would we expect any less for us? If we are cultivating a life of humility, there is no room for presumption. I pray for wisdom to know when I need to humble myself and contemplate selflessness before becoming guilty of the sin of presumptuous pride, the deadliest of the seven sins.
Do you assume the eye is of a Stallion??
.
A little story about my ancestors… (originally written for my college literature class many years ago and updated at the end)
Great-Aunt Mildred Golden, Great-Grandma Gladys Golden-Frantz, and Little Me!
As a child, Bethany Children’s Home, deep in the back hills of Kentucky, left an indelible impression on me. Nestled in the bottomland by Holly Creek, at first sight it looked like a brilliant painting by Thomas Kinkade. The Appalachian Mountains protected the home from modern civilization. Magnificent, aged trees hovered like angels spreading their wings. The only clearings were the fields on the farms and the hillside, where the old buildings seemed to harmonize with nature.
Living in the city, I rarely had the opportunity to breathe in the air God created our lungs to inhale. The aroma of huge oak, beech, cedar, and pine trees mixed with the tickling of the dust from the dirt road steadily lifted the soul. Pennyroyals and goldenrod lined the road, creating a natural landscape along the curb of the forest. I often miss the simple beauty of a landscape created by God alone. A city offers neat little houses lined up in perfect rows. Shrubs, trees, plants, and flowers are precisely placed within utopian gardens. While the perfect houses and the precise gardens are charming, nothing compares with the picturesque beauty of nature.
With scarcely a motor vehicle traveling back and forth, we could hear only the sound of nature. Maple, hickory, and walnut leaves played their stringed instruments in the wind. Cardinals sang harmony, and mockingbirds sang backup. A woodpecker led the percussion. Only the fighting of my siblings interrupted the earthly orchestra.
Throughout time, Bethany Children’s Home, a place we call Bethany, seemed unchanged. The plain, wooden buildings always needed paint. An old windowless, three-room, two-story log cabin was on the property when a local man donated the land in 1926. It stood silently still. The original wooden church burned to the ground before I was born; therefore, they built the new church with cement blocks. No steeple stood on top of the church, just a small wooden cross on the front attic roof. Sounds from the “Liberty” bell in front of the church called all to worship. The two-story dorms were endlessly long. They reminded me of old government apartment buildings. Several smaller buildings, just as dilapidated as the first, were scattered on the hillside.
The home began with only three little orphaned girls. Known as “The Bethany Orphanage” in 1926, in just a few short years, by 1956, the home gained a Board of Trustees and became “Bethany Children’s Home, Inc.” The home was started by three women: Marjorie Burt and Laura Wendland, missionaries at the Free Methodist Mission at Oakdale, Kentucky. They were joined by Lina Miller (from the Chicago Evangelistic Institute class of 1924, Miss Burt’s alma mater). She resigned her position in the office of a business firm in Dixon, Illinois, to join her two friends in the bottomland of Holly Creek with nothing but a dream, a prayer, and a miracle.
I visited the home as a child, and Great-great-aunt Mildred was the first to greet us. Great-grandma Frantz was waiting anxiously in the background. I never fully appreciated the sisters. As any child would, I only saw them as old. Born in 1898 and 1900, with Grandma being the elder, they wore the dress of spinsters. Their gray hair projected a crown of righteousness. Thick glasses kept secret the direction of dissenting looks. When Aunt Mildred welcomed us, her voice was not a very loud voice, yet she commanded attention. Great-grandma Frantz had a quieter nature about her, yet she was never unheard.
Aunt Mildred had an abundance of spirited energy. Always working, she expected an equivalent effort from others as well. She gave orders with an air of sternness, apparent even when she smiled. A well-deserved air of authority emanated from Aunt Mildred. The children knew, in her devoted manner, she loved them deeply. Somehow, through her gruff exterior, she obviously loved her stature in life. Called to the mission field by God, she originally set her sights on India. Aunt Mildred graduated from Asbury University in 1925 and subsequently began nurse’s training at Christ Hospital in Cincinnati, Ohio. Through a series of events, she left Ohio and arrived at Bethany on March 29, 1927, the year after its conception. There she stood a towering rock that helped build Bethany Children’s Home. Her primary positions were schoolteacher and nurse. She became the first clerk at the Bethany Post Office on July 28, 1928; Acting Postmaster in 1950; and Postmaster on April 19, 1951, maintaining that position until May 31, 1970. During her fifty-six years at the orphanage, as a pioneer nurse, she delivered 267 babies without a doctor being on the case at the time of delivery. Aunt Mildred never married. The orphanage became her mission…and her family. When government red tape forced the orphanage to close, her declining health forced her to move in with my grandparents in 1983, just before her death in 1984. God used her training at Asbury to prepare her for the greatest mission right in her own backyard!
1925 – Aunt Mildred Golden at her Graduation from Asbury College.
Quite a bit shorter than her older sister, my great-grandma walked with a limp, crippled from polio as a child. Deep down inside this quiet spirit lay a gentle sense of humor. During the evening assembly, great-grandma acted out one of her many readings. They were always funny, and some were quite ornery for a conservative great-grandmother. I enjoyed her peaceful demeanor, but being an inquisitive child, I eventually ran off to find some adventure of my own.
Sept. 1959 – Great-Grandma Gladys Frantz.
In the dining hall, everyone ate at long tables with a staff member at the end of each. That was quite an experience. They always expected proper manners from the children. The food was homegrown, and the milk was fresh from the cow. I didn’t care for the vegetables, but I always begged for more fresh, raw milk. The flavor was sweet and strong, a very different flavor from city store-bought milk. Great-grandma packed a jug for our trip home, just for me. My most memorable time came on a walk across the road to the farm, which supplied most of the food and milk for the orphanage. Being from the city, I was unaware of the shock I would receive when I unconsciously grasped the electric fence to aid my hike up the hill. While I was listening to the bellowing cows and the yellow-bellied sapsucker in the forest, I suddenly found my backside in the middle of the dirt road! While the laughter flowed easily from the children, aside from my embarrassment, I sensed an air of contentment.
Great-grandma spent most of her days running the used clothing store. An old tin building, it was more of a shack that reeked with the aroma of mothballs. All the clothes at the home were donated by outsiders. The staff rationed the children out what they required, and the children could buy extras with money they earned from chores. My mother gave us spending money to buy items in the store, not because we needed any clothes, but as a means to help support the children’s home. Great-grandma always smiled and patted our heads, as older people do, when we gave her the money for our purchase.
Through her peaceful spirit, given to her by God himself, it was apparent Great-grandma’s life had not been easy. She was young when she married. While pregnant with her second child, my great-grandfather left. No one ever saw him again, except in the features of the two children he left behind. After living in Bethany for a school year in 1927, she returned to her hometown, East Liverpool, Ohio, in March 1928, to have her parents help with raising my grandmother and her brother. During that winter, it was not unusual for them to find streaks of snow across the bed clothing in the morning, after a night of snow that had blown through the cracks in the walls of the side room. This room had been added to the store where they lived. Great-grandma often visited, and in 1939, she returned to Bethany to take care of the Home Girls and was in charge of the used clothing store until her death in 1977, thirty-eight years later. Great-Grandma never remarried, finding contentment in her position at Bethany and the many children she cared for. My grandma loved Bethany so much she actually sent my dad and his two siblings to live with Great-Grandma and Great-Aunt Mildred in Bethany for three years in the late 1940s to attend school, while Grandpa worked out west. Our family has had three generations to have lived in the bottomland by Holly Creek.
Unwanted children… that is what they used to call them. I never thought of my newfound friends in that regard. We played on the large iron swings and ran through the fields just the same as my friends at home. The children were loved and well adjusted, a far cry from the horror stories about orphanages in the media today. I remember stories of the mountaineers leaving children at the door of the orphanage during the night, especially during the depression years. They had no means of feeding their families, yet loved their children and wanted for them a better life. At the orphanage, instead of a mountain shack, they were placed under a roof with heat and shoes on their feet. The children were fed, schooled, and definitely loved.
I have not returned to the tranquil valley in the Appalachians since the sisters passed away. Often, I consider taking my own children to the place that holds a few very dear memories for me. They need to experience the natural tranquility of the bottomland near Holly Creek, to experience the joy of giving love to those who have so much to give back. I cannot give this priceless heritage to my children, for the Bethany Children’s Home we knew no longer exists. Government red tape forced the orphanage to close in the early 1980s. The home then became a private Christian school in 1986, leaving the mountaineers to fend for themselves or depend on government handouts. My children will see the orphanage only through my eyes when I reminisce on my own experience. I often wonder, since Great-grandma is gone, since Aunt Mildred is gone, and since the home where so much love abounded is gone, who will take care of the orphans?
My Daddy, Great-Aunt Mildred Josephine Golden, Great-Grandma Gladys Myrle Golden-Frantz, and Little Me! Visiting Bethany Children’s Home.
My Mom, siblings, me, and my Great-Grandma… and of course, Babette our Poodle!
Mom, my siblings, and me on the right, visiting Bethany.
“TRIXIE”
He was only a Shepherd doggie,
And because he couldn’t talk,
He told the boys he loved them
By his tail wags and his bark.
His owner wanted him at home
To tend his stock and farm.
He wanted more to live with us,
And keep our boys from harm.
Although his owner tied him
And fed him extra food,
He slipped away to Bethany
Each time he found he could.
And so he lived at Bethany
For fifteen years or more.
He went to school for several years
And lay there by the door.
He reached the age of twenty
But still could see and hear.
One night some dogs attacked him,
And he no more is here.
He served his place as watchdog
As best as he knew how,
And so we all have missed him,
Since he isn’t with us now.
Miss Mildred Golden
Printed in:
Wolfe County Kentucky – The Bethany News
Page 1 – Volume 28, No. 3 – Bethany, Wolfe County, Kentucky – July 1955
.
**UPDATE
I have revisited Bethany Children’s Home a few times through my adult years. The original log cabin still stands tall on the hill behind the chapel. Remnants of the old playground where I twirled on the merry-go-round as a kid are hidden in a weed patch. The dinner bell still rings loud and strong.
Amazingly, the saddlebags that my Aunt Mildred threw on the back of a donkey to travel up those mountains to deliver babies are still hanging in the cabin along with the original beds and the back porch kitchen. My memories hold true and strong of my great ancestors…
Job’s wife. Not a lot is known about her that is not negative. We don’t even know her name! But, we know the end of the story. Of course, Job was right. His wife was wrong.
But was she?
Job 19:19 says, “All my close friends abhor me, and those whom I loved have turned against me.”
Loneliness is all too common, even in urban locations with dense populations. Mark Twain called New York City “a splendid desert—a domed and steepled solitude, where the stranger is lonely in the midst of a million of his race.” Psychoanalysts have discovered links between loneliness and physical infirmities, as well as emotional health problems. We’ve all heard the phrase “lonely in a crowd.” Since the 1950s, profound discoveries have been made linking our emotional state to health issues such as obesity, arthritis, heart issues, diabetes, hypertension, etc. There have been an abundance of studies showing married people live longer than single people. Suicide rates are highest among lonely people. It sounds depressing just talking about where loneliness leads!
But, in Psalm 68:5-6, God’s word says, “A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families…”
Families… What if the family is no more? The thief comes to steal, kill, and destroy. What better way to accomplish His means than by way of the family? As soon as intimacy fades, when the marriage crumbles, before the divorce, loneliness has already infected its subjects. We sleep in the same bed, we ride in the same vehicle, and we attend the same baseball game for little Junior. Yet, we are strangers. We are alone together: hopeless. Ambitions and dreams are lost. Even God seems but a distant memory. Our survival mode kicks in. The human psyche screams for escape from our prison of loneliness. In desperation, we turn to vice instead of relationships, for the relationships we have known are void of intimacy. Like empty barrels rolling down a steep hill, we turn in circles, rolling faster and faster, only to break into splinters when we reach the bottom. We take the broken barrel, and with the splintered pieces, we build walls, barriers, and dams. We associate intimacy with vulnerability and pain. Divorce and death are but the same: the ripping apart of two souls. Marriage makes two become one. Sound biblical? I’m not talking about the act of physically becoming one. A prostitute can be one physically but not intimately. To be vulnerable enough to become “one” with another equates to intimacy. When intimacy is shattered, families disintegrate and societies fall.
What a great loss to bear! Right along with Job, his wife lost her home, her knickknacks, her children, her status in society, and even her friends. Her cry for Job to “curse God and die” seeps from the depths of a shattered life. In her deep despair, she needed answers, she needed strength, and she needed to be rescued. She could not see past her great pain. I may be wrong, but I have my suspicions that she may have been a good person, in spite of her negativity born from deep pain. Have we not all said things in the midst of a battle that later turned into regret? Are we any less guilty of turning a deaf ear to the Lord when in the midst of our own deep pain? Yes, there have been times when I have found myself on my bathroom floor in a fetal position, internally screaming, “Why, Lord, why?” And then there was Job. He could have been her strength and her rock. But intimacy? It sounds like they were definitely not on the same page.
Job’s family had problems, but he stood faithful. Job’s wife had doubts. In the midst of her pain, she succumbed to cursing Job and God, but Job not only stayed faithful to God, he stayed faithful to her. Though he chastised her, Job did not cast her off like most men would have when she only had the strength to curse. Job stood faithful. The story does not indulge in Job’s wife’s character role, not even giving her a name. But I cannot imagine the pain of giving birth to ten children only to lose them in one hour! Though she is not mentioned after the second chapter, some Jewish sages assume that she died. If she lived (which I am inclined to believe since the scriptures do not say otherwise), in the end, she also would have been doubly blessed at Job’s side. Some stories have a greater level of inspiration than meets the eye.
Where is hope? Where is God? These were questions asked by Job. When everything is lost, who or what fills the hole? Do we follow our friends just to avoid loneliness? Do we blame-shift just to hang on to our pride? What do we do with our pain? Yes, Job was right. We will eventually find our way to the other side of our pain. Even after broken relationships, we will pick up the pieces and go on, pushing through the consequences. But the choice to fill the deep holes in our soul comes only through a God-filled heart, choosing the eternal over the temporary. Job knew God was his source of life and death. He knew we humans do not have the capability to see the whole picture, the future, or the eternal. Society does not have answers, only assumptions. But trusting our existence to another entity is creating vulnerability. Do we dare to be intimate? Even with our creator? Do we have a choice? Of course! We can choose to be lonely… or choose to step into the intimacy of God’s love.
Though we question and though we doubt, God has the same (yet perfect) character as Job. He does not cast us off when we lash out through our pain. He stays faithful to us. He loves us when we behave badly, for he sees our pain. He knows the other side. Through His faithfulness, blessings flow. The “Job” people are the ones who keep families together. They are the rocks that build. They are the rocks we trust with our intimacy because of their intimacy with God. And when we do not have a “Job” in our lives? God sent Jesus. His redemptive Holy Spirit will gather you to Him.
Intimacy. Disintegrates. Loneliness.
“Forget the former things;
do not dwell on the past.
See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness
and streams in the wasteland.” ~Isaiah 43:18-19
.
.
**Highlights in color are links for more information.
.
On our Indiana farm, when the snow falls, the fields are but a blanket of white covering the ground. It is absolutely beautiful, and, of course, I am continually snapping pictures. Our farm is always full of photographic moments.
However, on the coldest night of the season last year, Elsie, one of our dairy cows, went into labor. The calf was breech, so the next night, my husband called the vet to assist with the birth. Unfortunately, by that time, the calf had died, bloated inside, and Elsie was fading fast. After working on her for a while, the vet finally said there was no hope and she was not going to make it. He turned to my husband and chastised him for not calling earlier that morning. The vet let him know just how horrible his farming abilities were. How could any farmer neglect a cow, resulting in the death of both cow and calf? The farmer did not respond. Being a city girl, I could not respond either. This was the first time I had ever witnessed something so ugly, and I was trying to process the magnitude of what just happened. The vet left disgusted.
If only he had known the events of the previous 24 hours…
The snow had been falling all day, and by evening it was pretty much a whiteout. Here in this Indiana farm, the wind blows like an Oklahoma prairie. My poor husband was outside in sub-zero temperatures trying to make sure the animals were fed and gathered in protected areas. He noticed Elsie was starting to calve and proceeded to corral her into the barn, where she could give birth in a calmer, more protected environment. She must have been frightened by the fierce snowstorm and turned toward the pasture at full speed. He ran after her, but the snow was falling so thick it completely covered her trail. He came back for a flashlight and headed out again. As the temperature was already below zero, he was eventually forced to go inside to keep his feet and hands from frostbite. If he had been gone much longer, I would have gone out after him and in the whiteout we both might have frozen to death while looking for each other, along with the cow. Early the next morning, he took Salty, the herd dog, and headed out to the fields to find and bring in Elsie. But she was nowhere to be found. The ground was covered with at least twelve inches of fresh snow, and even Salty was unable to pick up any tracks or scent of the cow. The temperature was so low it was too dangerous for the dog to be out long. My farmer brought the herd in to milk and then went out to look for Elsie again. Finally, she wandered up to the back of the barn about dusk, and he was able to lead her into the barn, where he had made a bed for her with hay bales, and immediately called the vet. The tracks she left led back to the woods. No farmer ever would have found her in the whiteout the night before.
I think you can see by now the point of this little story. How often do we jump to conclusions and pass judgment based on partial information? The vet based his opinion of the farmer on what he saw…not knowing anything about the previous night. Nor did he ask. How would his opinion change if he had been here the night before with my husband outside freezing in the sub-zero snowfall? Instead of leaving in a heap of disgust, he would be crying with the farmer and giving him a hero’s pat on the back for trying so hard to save the cow and calf. What a difference the other side of the story makes in our conclusions. There is always more than one side to every story. How different might we see things when we dig deeper? The sin of assumption…
How many lives have been destroyed by gossip based on the word of one who only knows in part? How often have false accusations based on judgments derived from partial information led to destroyed relationships? How hard is trust to regain? I believe we have all come across those who decided to dislike us based on the biased words of another.
Forgiveness. Wisdom. Prayer. The knowing that the only one to whom we are responsible knows all. The Lord knows the other side of the story. He gives comfort to hurting hearts. The 27th Psalm of David says, “Though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me.” ~Psalm 27:10 In other words, though every person turns against us, usually based on misleading information, the Lord knows the heart and will, as Isaiah 54 puts it, “refute every tongue that accuses us.” ~Isaiah 54:17 He will hold us in the palm of His hand and dry every tear. The knowledge of God’s amazing love gives us the power to forgive those offenses and be aware of misleading situations so as not to offend others ourselves. No matter what floats about in the thoughts of others, we can rest in the comforting arms of the Lord, for He is where truth abides.
.
.
**Highlights in color are links for more information.
.
My prayer life opened up a few years back when I was able to grasp the end of “The Lord’s Prayer” in Matthew 6:14-15, which most do not quote: “For if you cannot forgive, how can you be forgiven?” (My shortened version)
I lived a lot of years in a very dark place, very bitter and angry, with no hope. I experienced the hypocrisy of so-called Christians and naturally ended up turning away. I had been hurt more by Christians than non-Christians. I was lied to, lied about, and victimized. In my self-protection, I became the villain. As a teenager, I lived on the wild side. I was always the life of the party… but full of bitterness and very self-destructive.
After spiraling down so far, my very existence was nearly wiped out. God arranged a meeting for me with Jesus during Senior Church Camp. My presence in that camp alone was nothing but a miracle. But, deep down in that vacuum hole, I wanted freedom from the torment in my soul. I couldn’t comprehend God’s love at the time, but I sensed there was a God somewhere out there that was unlike the picture man had modeled before me.
After having my first baby, I spent the next several years trying to “work” my way to forgiveness… and acceptance. Eventually, I hated myself for being too religious, lacking an intimate relationship with God. I was taught that the way to heaven was by following the rules. Then, in the late 1990s, while keeping up appearances on the outside, my soul fell into a deep dark hole. There was no way I was going to live. Of course, there was not going to be a suicide (for I could not have my kids live with that picture), but death is what I felt I deserved. I was self-destructive… again. Life was not worth living. I felt like a failure to everyone… especially my father. Through a series of events, the Lord broke through my bondage and allowed me to see myself the way He sees me… not the ugly way I saw myself… or the critical way the world saw me.
The morning I was at the end, I scribbled these words…
My feet brush soft grass, stillness fills damp air.
Bones lie six feet under, no hope for a prayer.
The passion for love is lost in life’s yesterday.
The gravedigger rests as dreams and hope decay.
Existence disappears, waters rage in life’s sin.
Innocent dreams are dead. Wrongs are silent within.
That very afternoon, I literally saw the Lord’s hands reach out to me with his nail-scarred piercings (this was before the movie The Passion of the Christ!). I realized He really did want to forgive me and accepted me just as He did the woman at the well. But I had to forgive those who destroyed me. And, more important, I had to accept His forgiveness for all my failings and be released from the guilt and shame. The Lord was able to calm my heart and let me know we really are “fearfully and wonderfully made.” ~Psalm 139:14 When no one else knew me, knew my dark secrets, the Lord saw me when I was yet unformed… and loved me. I don’t understand how, but when I released my hurt, bitterness, and anger, the Holy Spirit filled my empty soul with love and endless joy!
I wrote down my journey after God rescued me from that dark pit…
My Journey
A tiny infant cries, for comfort from the womb.
Through pain and agony, innocence fills the room.
A child peacefully plays, her tender smile displayed.
Ignorance surrounds her, a carefree life portrayed.She tastes the sin of those, who take for their own will.
Her chastity obscured; her innocence to kill.
Rejected and alone, the pain she tries to hide.
Embarrassment and shame, she buries deep inside.Desperate to escape, destruction is her life.
Hope and love are lost to bitterness and strife.
Weeping for lost passion; tormented in her soul.
Severed from affection; still longing to be whole.Two hands with nail-scarred stain wait gently for her call.
Longing to bring healing, if she would give her all.
Lost deep in dark despair, with sorrow for her sin.
She opens up her soul, and reaches out to him.Quietly a small spark, burns deep inside her soul,
reminding her dead heart, Christ’s love makes one whole.
Forgiveness she has found, from one whose life He gave,
for those who least deserve, the grace He gives to save.The life He gave for all, cleansed her pain and sin,
washing her white as snow, giving new life within.
A smile is in her heart. Christ’s love has healed her scars.
As joy delights her soul, new life shines bright as stars!!Me~
Life after that day was not perfect nor without pain. I still ended up with a few shattered relationships, and with God’s grace, I am able to handle the consequences of my past. I know who I am in Christ. I finally have God’s perspective, purpose, and hope. Psalm 27:10 says even though my parents do not accept me, I have peace knowing that God accepts me and makes me His own! He also said in Isaiah 54 that I was like a wife who married young, only to be rejected… and He brought me back with deep compassion! The Lord Almighty is my redeemer, and He is my husband. He really is a God of Restoration. In Isaiah 61, He bound up my broken heart, gave me freedom from captivity, released me from the darkness, gave me beauty for ashes, and restored my soul! There is NO pit too dark that His light cannot shine through!
.
**Highlights in color are links for more information.
.
Continued from my very first post, here: Divorce… Necessary Drama??
So… after the divorce… The parents move on. The kids adjust. Everyone establishes a new life full of peace, without the fighting and drama from their former marriage. We all blissfully co-exist…
Oh, if only this scenario were true. In reality, lonely parents try to find new love with guarded hearts, now full of baggage. The kids build walls to guard against further relational hurt. Friendships shift into his or hers, or not at all. Family members pick sides. A new drama begins.
When marriages crumble, the Trinity is severed. Our God-reflection is shattered. The culture of our world is forever marred. Future generations walk a broken path. Consequences follow us the rest of our lives.
Children look at the family unit as a reflection of the Godhead; the Trinity (see Ephesians 5:22-33):
God… the Father
Jesus… the marriage
The Holy Spirit… the family unit (the children)
In divorce, no matter what the cause, when the family is split the Spirit is severed. The Godhead correlation is distorted. Their security in the unit they once trusted has disappeared. The consequence is a warped view of what constitutes real love. Children lose sight of God’s love for them when the love of the family grows cold. They wonder how God can love them when the example of the Godhead before them has split into two households.
Emotionally, everyone, especially children, will experience the same stages as in mourning a death. Bitterness sets in, and their lives become self-destructive. Children see the broken trust between their parents, and that brokenness is transferred to their own hearts. They feel their parents walked away from them. Children of divorce are more likely to experience divorce themselves. They do not have a true commitment modeled before them. It is easier for adult children of divorce to walk away from their own marriages after experiencing their parents’ failed marriage.
After the separation, the children face the adjustments to an empty house and/or a new home. Babysitters and latchkey kids replace the constant of a nurturing parent. Children long for a connection with their missing parent. Resentment sets in for the parent most blamed. Some will blame the custodial parent; feeling like the custodial parent pushed out or ran off the other parent. Or, some will blame the non-custodial parent, with feelings of desertion, rejection, and failure. Most of the time, the children blame themselves. The reality of a separated family is indescribable.
The authority structure is shifted, causing children to lose respect for anyone in authority or who attempts to lead, whether it is a parent, teacher, or the government. Discipline becomes either nonexistent or rejected. Studies show once well-adjusted children (and especially teens) now become unruly, disrespectful, and bitter. Most of the damage from the parent’s divorce is neglected, ignored, or stifled, thereby carrying the damage into their own subsequent marriages. The experts say the Millennial Generation on down has chosen to cohabitate rather than to marry. Unfortunately, this arrangement brings up another host of dysfunctions. The divorce rate is even higher for those who cohabitate.
At the first separation, the parents (especially the mother) are so consumed with surviving that they do not recognize the hurt inflicted on the children. Each spouse believes the children will “believe” their side. After all, if the parent does not like someone, naturally, their children will not like them either…right? Except in this case… the other person happens to be the other parent, the one that holds half their DNA. No bond is greater than the parent bond…with both parents, no matter how bad the parent. Have you ever sat on half a toilet? The result has the same correlation in the life of a child of divorce. They feel nothing works right, and every time they try to succeed, they end up with a mess all over the floor. Since the trust has been severed with the parents, they run to the closest “janitor” to help clean up their family mess. Unfortunately, the people the children seek help from are usually their peers who are going through the same situations. They gather advice from wounded healers, driving the bitterness deeper while learning to put on masks of false strength.
Is there hope? Is there help? Family and friends tend to pick sides, without seeking unity. Most people in the church are too busy condemning the breakup to unconditionally love, forgive, and restore the rejected or the wayward party. Where does a hurting person turn? We look to the beginning. Wouldn’t the One who created mankind know what is best for mankind? Don’t look at the picture mankind has created of the Godhead…look at who the Godhead really is. Search Him out for yourself.
My biggest goal in writing this blog is to help hurting people. Sometimes, we have to see the darkness on the other side of the door to keep us from opening it and walking through. I have been on both sides. No matter which side of divorce you are sitting on, please realize the side that has the greenest grass is the side that you cultivate, fertilize, and water. Start watering with the Word. Not the word of religiosity, but the Word of God’s infinite love. Are you seeking revenge on the person who wounded or deserted you? Trust me; your actions will only backfire. Let it go…out of your heart. Leave revenge, judgment, and the other person to God. Your peace will only come when the truth of God’s love fills your heart.
You do not have to get cleaned up to take a bath. Neither do you have to be religiously perfect before you can experience God’s love. Realize God loves the person while hating the sin. Pride, bitterness, and revenge only destroy you, not the other person. Seek forgiveness for your part. Then extend forgiveness to those who sought to destroy you. Repentance, forgiveness, and restoration are for anyone who trusts in the Lord. Rest in God’s love. God created you. God accepts you. God can turn your ashes into beauty!
.
.
**Highlights in color are links for more information.
.
The crumbling of mankind…
Where does it start? With one word, with one lie, with one man: Adam. Where does it end? With one word, with one truth, with one man: you!
Where is society’s breakdown? The family… Like the frog in the pot of boiling water dying one degree at a time, one lie at a time. Then, one day, the steam is so thick that reality is completely distorted. Finally, we wake up to find ourselves immersed in dysfunction.
These are just my rambling thoughts on divorce. Some of my writing is my observations from the many divorces around me, but most is from my own experience. You may or may not have similar experiences. But, we can all glean from others’ mistakes in some form or fashion. I only wish I knew then what I know now. If you’re on the road to divorce, have you considered where you will be in your old age? Have you talked to the aged who’ve been there?
We live in a transient world. Not just physically, but socially, philosophically, and emotionally. As I am in the final laps of life, I have seen divorce destroy families, friends, and society. I’ve been there. Nothing hurts more than the death of a dream, the death of a unit. The ONLY thing divorce can be blamed on is selfish pride from both parties. Our society is set on blame-shifting, which comes from the pride of never being wrong. So, it becomes his/her fault. Personal responsibility is taboo, and the cycle of destruction continues.
The divorce rate in America is around 50%, with the church not far behind depending on what statistics you look at. The media proves to be pro-divorce and anti-family. We have lost the generations who modeled stability. If ‘everybody’ is doing it, the grass must be better on the other side, right? The reality is we only trade one problematic life for another. What really happens to our lives after divorce? Isn’t divorce supposed to take us out of our tumultuous situation into single bliss? Will the kids not be better off without Mom and Dad fighting all the time? What about commitment? What kind of example are the kids following? These questions and so many more receive varied responses depending on which side of divorce you stand on, pre- or post-.
Long before the marriage ends, emotional separation begins before the first one moves out or the papers are filed. I love the frog in the boiling water description. That frog could have croaked for help to get out of the pan and into the pond long before the water boiled. Was it ignorance? Maybe its own comfort? Possibly. A wise man (Solomon) once said, “Folly brings joy to one who has no sense, but whoever has understanding keeps a straight course. Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.” ~Proverbs 15:21-22 (NIV) Pride keeps us (especially men) from seeking counsel, asking for help, or even admitting the marriage is less than perfect. So we stay in our rut of dysfunction until the pot boils dry. Marriages can be saved. God really can turn your ashes into beauty (Isaiah 61). We need to set aside our pride and learn the art of forgiveness.
Unrealistic expectations are often the cause of many a conflict. Frustration creeps in when someone does not live up to your desires and wants. In their quest to satisfy unrealistic desires, women tend to turn to soap operas, and men tend to turn to pornography. Women feed the emotion, while men feed the physical. Women evolve their world around their kids, and men evolve their world around their work. Both live in a false reality.
Typically, women expect their husbands to be their “everything.” God did not create any man to be their source of wholeness (see Isaiah 54). Women depend on men to be their provider (or at least a co-provider), their protector, best friend, etc. Men are expected to be a warrior as well as an empathetic confidant. Men are expected to be a conqueror as well as provide the emotional fulfillment of a fluffy girlfriend. Bitterness creeps in when the girl realizes their man was not created for both roles and is not able to fulfill their every need. After the honeymoon, when she wakes up to find he is not Prince Charming, her resentment begins. Respect is quickly lost. The lack of respect for men in our society is the root of the “man-bashing” mentality. If only women would realize that God is their only source of wholeness and the only one who can fill their desires, then they would have the freedom to release their husbands from unrealistic responsibilities. They would then appreciate them for the person they were created to be.
God’s path teaches husbands to love their wives and women to respect their husbands. Scripture has several examples, as in Ephesians 5:33, where Paul points out, “Each one of you must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” Wouldn’t it be easier the other way around? After all, men do not love naturally; they only want to conquer. And women do not respect naturally; they only want to control.
In our society, the Women’s Liberation movement exposed the sin nature that causes women to seek to control men and causes men to avoid women. No matter how you feel about “submission” and “head of the house,” you must admit we were all created for individual purposes. Not just during marriage, but at work, in church, in the community, etc. We all function best when we are doing what comes naturally. When envy creeps in, we stop being satisfied with the station of life we are in and seek to overtake those in our path. This overtaking has been going on since the garden. Just like a church, a business, or a government will not function without a hierarchy, or what we call “the pecking order,” neither will a family function properly without order. When an establishment does not have clear lines for each position, they only have chaos. The same goes for a church, a sports team, and especially the family. The problems begin when one or both cross the line of unity and one or both set out to control the other. Sin makes everyone want to be in control… not only of their own lives but also the lives of the surrounding ones. Love makes everyone want the best for the other person or the family. No matter what the station (family, workplace, sports team, etc.), submission is fought and lost when the one in authority demeans and controls the counterpart. No wife willingly respects and submits to a controlling husband… and no husband loves a controlling wife. When someone tries to control another, respect is lost on both sides. When respect is lost, so is love.
For men, the same is also true when they expect their wife to completely fulfill their desires. After the honeymoon, when he wakes up in the morning to find she is not the woman on the Vanity Fair magazine cover, his disgust begins. Typically, men expect their wives to physically remain the same as the day they met, not accepting the decay of the human body. Men are generally creatures of sight, not emotion. Countless marriages are lost to midlife crises and skinny girlfriends twenty years younger, indicative of a shallow society stamped by our entertainment industry. The porn industry is rampant due to men searching to fill needs that only God can fill. The saying “Looking for love in all the wrong places” is ever so true. So long as men have perfectly formed, airbrushed, young women put before them on TV, the internet, etc., they will never be satisfied with their imperfect, flawed, and aging wives. These images overflow into the bedroom. She will never feel acceptable to her husband, which then flows over into all other relationships. She begins to see herself as inferior and unworthy, which, in turn, causes the husband to lose interest and find satisfaction elsewhere. (More on the pain of porn here: From a Wife’s Perspective.) Porn is not the only distraction or addiction for a man. Oftentimes it is work, fast cars, sports, etc., or car salesmen get rich money-making schemes.
Bitterness and anger set in when he began to view his wife as a liability rather than an asset. He feels resentment when his paycheck is used for the family, when his time is engulfed in the family, and when he is faced with the everyday responsibility of family tasks. God says in Genesis 2:24, and Jesus repeats the same in Matthew 19:5; “A man shall leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” And also, Jesus states in Matthew 5:28, “But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” So, if a man treats his wife as if he is looking in a mirror, as he would want to be treated, would he not want to leave all others and have eyes for her only? A husband is not married in the way God intended unless he is united as one with his wife. Anything less is only a roommate. Paul states in Ephesians 5:32, “This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.” And in verse 25, “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” Now if marriage is a correlation between Christ and the Church, should the husband feel comfortable dabbling in addictions outside the marriage by placing value on others above his wife? (This pretty much sums up my experience. I not only had to deal with not measuring up to my ex’s unrealistic standards, but I also had to deal with knowing that marital love and unity would never exist with him.)
So, how does our modern society handle marriages that have disintegrated? We divorced. After all, a no-fault divorce is much easier than being vulnerable enough to work through hard issues, admit faults, and rebuild on better ground. Pride refuses to let couples be vulnerable to each other. Not only out of fear of being hurt, but no one wants to find that they may actually be wrong. The fault is always the other person’s, right? Everyone is a victim. No one is the villain. Even when one spouse refuses counsel, the other is still blamed. Lies begin. Lives are destroyed.
Who wins? No one.
We find ourselves battered and torn apart.
Alone.
Continued in Part 2: A new drama then begins…
The words of Malachi 2:13-16:
“And this again you do. You cover the Lord’s altar with tears, with weeping and groaning because he no longer regards the offering or accepts it with favor at your hand. You ask, “Why does he not?” Because the Lord was witness to the covenant between you and the wife of your youth, to whom you have been faithless, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant. Has not the one God made and sustained for us the spirit of life? And what does he desire? Godly offspring. So take heed to yourselves, and let none be faithless to the wife of his youth. “For I hate divorce, says the Lord the God of Israel, and covering one’s garment with violence, says the Lord of hosts. So take heed to yourselves and do not be faithless.”
.
.
**Highlights in color are links for more information.
.
Voice of Restoration