We thought an appropriate last post for this blog might be to post what Dad wrote on behalf of us to be read at the Memorial Service. The blog won’t be going anywhere, but we also realize there is not a need to update it much anymore. Mostly, we will treasure it as a place to look back on and remember the journey that has been 2008 (as well as the previous 15 years…). Read these remarks and continue to celebrate Mom’s amazing life. Feel free to post comments or specific stories about Mom – at some point I plan on printing out everything here and making a scrap book. Your cards, hugs, E mails, meals, flowers, and mostly your prayers have sustained us and given us strength in these days. We continue to be humbled by and grateful for your love and friendship.
Linda grew up in LaGrange. Her dad ran a radio station. His trademark was that his voice was always cheerful and upbeat on the air … even at 5:00 o’clock in the morning when he signed the station on. Linda’s ever upbeat voice has made it clear that genetic influences are real.
She was a cheerleader for the LaGrange High School sports teams. In many important ways she was a cheerleader and encourager all her life. After attending a concert with her … a few years ago … one of her music critic friends told us … “Linda is a cheerleader without pom poms.” We all agreed with that description.
Norman and Linda met in a class on magazine writing at the University of Georgia. In the years that followed neither Norman or Linda ever wrote an article for a magazine, but they considered that class their most important one.
When Lee and Ned started school … Linda was often the “room mother.” When they participated in little league sports … she was usually the “team mother.” She would cheer enthusiastically for her boys and their teammates … and to their slight embarrassment … she would often cheer as vocally for players on the other team if she knew their names. When games were over … it was likely she did not know which team won … and it was her style to tell every player he had been the main star of the game. From time to time our children would tell Linda that “all their friends” had more freedom … fewer rules … more TV privileges … and more of the latest things … than the Underwood children. Her standard reply was … “explain to your friends that it’s not your fault … you just happen to have an old fashioned mom.”
Earlier this year … on Mother’s Day … Jill wrote in her blog some of her mom’s primary rules for the Underwood children.
They were:
• You are special to ME, but you are not special to EVERYONE.
• If your arm hurts … put it out of your mind and think about your foot. In other words, find something to be positive about and put that in front of what’s negative in your life.
• Don’t complain – it resolves nothing.
• To become good at something will require you to give up something. She persuaded Jill to abandon dancing if she wanted to be serious about music.
• Always show up when you’re supposed to show up.
… AND FINALLY …
• You and you alone are in charge of your ATTITUDE.
These were her main rules as she transitioned through the phases of “team mother” … “harp mom” … and finally to grandmother … or Mimi … as she was known to her grandchildren. With her simple rules and steady presence … she was for her family a fixed point in a confusing world.
The most fundamental premise of her life was to support her children by being present when they played sports … when they performed … when they needed encouragement … or a supporting shoulder. Ned has often said that if there was a category in sports record books known as … Most Games Played with a Player’s Mom in Attendance … he believes he would be in the book as the holder of that record. Ned continues to play in an adult basketball league made up of players closer to middle age than college age. In this league, courtside spectators … are rare but Ned has often explained to his teammates and competitors during a time-out that the one smiling … applauding courtside spectator is his mom. In the same manner … Jill recently participated in a very non-competitive church ping pong tournament with a total of one spectator in attendance … and it was her mom.
Linda did not often try to give advice about parenting, but by her example and actions … we believe that her basic approach to parenting can be summarized in this way: “BE THERE … BE THERE … BE THERE.”
She had no music background … but over many years of supporting Jill … music became a sustaining influence in her life along with … family and … church. Her definition of Great Music was Any Music played by young people.
When Jill was in the 7th grade Linda found out that she had advanced ovarian cancer.
For the next 16 years she usually referred to this, not by its clinical name … but simply as her “medical adventure.” In that fall of 1992 … with references from medical friends … she met with several oncologists. Early in her conversation with a young specialist who seemed to speak her language … she said this: “I am a fulltime volunteer for the Atlanta Olympic Games which will take place here four years from now. If you will keep me alive until the Games begin … I will get you some tickets.” He said … “That’s a deal” and they stood up and shook hands … as if they had just struck a business deal. As the adventure progressed she asked for prayers from her friends to supplement the chemo-therapy from the doctor she described to her friends as “my cute little oncologist.” When there were successes in treatments she would tell the doctor … “send your whole bill to Blue Cross … but some of your success is due to the answered prayers of my prayer buddies.”
As years passed … with a perspective forged in life experiences … and her biblical faith … we watched her develop an authentic view that each day is a PRECIOUS gift. She had the consistent and simple view that because it’s a gift … each day must be received with a cheerful spirit and a glad heart. Under that view … she would not accept the idea that any day was dismal … just because it was devoted, in part, to medical treatment. Everything she did was influenced and informed by her faith. As her family … we believe it was this simple … but well considered view that each day is a gift … that made it possible for her to leave such a bright and shining mark for us.
While she did not ultimately conquer her long illness, it did NOT take from her the fullness and joy of her family … grandchildren … music … long neighborhood walks … writing comforting notes to her friends … or frequent trips to the Varsity.
Throughout her long adventure … she was always a heart-lifter.
She showed to us that whether life is smooth or rough there is a divine spark in each of us that equips us to turn away from despair and to embrace the uplifting gifts of enthusiasm for life and … the simple joys of comforting, and loving each other. For all that … thanks be to God.
