(Please note the spelling and/ or grammatical errors are kept intact, including mine)

On Thursday, 27 March 2014 7:13 PM, “mariamark545@yahoo.com” <mariamark545@yahoo.com> wrote:

From: Mrs. Maria Mark

Email Address: mariamark545@yahoo.com

PHILIPPIANS – 4 v13 I Can Do All Things.

Good day

My name is Mrs. Maria Mark; I am a dying woman who had decided to donate what I have to the Charities. I am 51 years old and was diagnosed for cancer about four years ago, immediately after the death of my husband, I have been touched to donate from what I have inherited from my late husband for the good work rather than allow his relatives to use my husband’s hard earned fund.

As I lay on my sick bed, I want you to help me in carrying out my last wish on earth which will be very profitable to you. I want to WILL a total sum of $25million USD to you which I want you to distribute part of it to any charity home for me and the rest for yourself and your family which I will inform you on how to share all, please for further information contact me ASAP.

Regards,

Mrs. Maria Mark

My reply:-

From:”Anmol Anda”< anmolanda@in.com >
Date: 28 Mar 14 16:06:47
Subject: Re: 4 v13 I Can Do All Things [ANDA compensation policy intimation]
To: mariamark545@yahoo.com

= Om Shiri Ram Bhagwan=

Dear Mrs Maria Mark

I take this opportunity to thank you for writing an email to us.

It is very sad to note that you are dying from cancer. However we are only human and can not resist what has been decided by the almighty in our destiny. I sincerely hope with some Godly miracle you get well soon and live the rest of your life in a very healthy way.

Regarding you offer for the money which is left by your late husband i am afraid i can not accept such sum directly. I am myself involved in charity works here in my country India for the poor and needy. As per the Government regulation we can not incur any profit from the charity work that we do in poor villages of India. We run from the donation received in Indian money from the churches and NGOs operating in nearby areas. In case we get offer from money which is not in Indian Rupees we have to disclose such amount to our “Inland Tax Deduction Authority” who downright forfeit such amount and also legal recourse is initiated against the defaulters. In our country these inland tax rules are very strong and as a charity organization we cannot violate them.

On this context let me introduce myself. My name is Anmol and i work for a charity organization called “Almighty Neuron Distributor’s Association” (ANDA). We are supported by all the big hospitals and medical research teams of our country. What we do is we collect vital body parts from a dying person who are suffering from fatal diseases like cancer, leukemia, jaundice and green water tumor.People who have very less chance of survival, with their consent, we collect certain parts of their body and extract the neurons. These neurons are then stored medically and supplied to the needy and poor people. Though this is complete charity work, we do compensate the dying person or their next of kin as per the policy of our organization and Government regulation. Depending of the body parts that we collect, the compensation is determined by a governing body in our organization. Typically, for hair, nails and skin the compensation is around INR 600,000- 1200000 ( US$ 10,000-20,000), for other vital body parts like spleen, uvula, brain and intestines the compensation sum can vary between US$ 40,000- 65,000 or more. The amount can only be decided after a very detailed inspection of the medical history of the donor. In our policy the money is sent in advance after exchange of few formal documentation, consent agreement form to arrange for the body part donation which will be supervised by our empaneled doctor. from the date of money transfer the actual donation has to be withing 6 months. if the donor is still alive after 6 months, another extension is given for the body part donation. being a charity organization we cannot take back the money given as a compensation, so we have to wait. After 9 months we take the body part under strict medical supervision from the alive donor. The entire process is very painless. We have donors alive still after one year of donating their uvula and partial Hypothalamus. The only thing we ensure is that the money we donate is kept withing the family and spent for the welfare of the donor of his/her immediate family.

As you are dying and if you feel you do not have any chance of survival in 6 to 9 months, you can donate any suitable organ to our organization. It will be a very good deed for the humanity and we would be thankful to you Mrs Maria. I would request you to think over it and reply to me. If you are interested in our proposition, we can send you the consent agreement form and other documentation and arrange for our governing body to decide the compensation amount. Please also send an identity document to open an ANDA case file in your name. There are some other minor procedural formality which i will guide you in due course.

With the name of lord Rama, i wish you very best of health.

Jai jai Ram

Anmol

 [Unfortunately I did not receive any reply on my generous offer till date. Alas.]

Those who have met Latpat Desi could never remember him as he doesn’t have anything special to remember. Latpat is one of the million common men in the crowd with no unique quality, no special talent. He was one of those daily commuters who owned a car but could not afford to use it. He took local train to work everyday. He was working on the same company for the last 16 years where he joined before his marriage. But because he was neither smart not good in office politics, he was left behind as a manager while his colleagues climbed the ladder of growth much faster. Latpat was afraid of change. After leading a mundane life for years he was afraid to break his routine. The only adventure he has is when he takes his daughters to the suburban shopping mall’s gaming arcade and collide each other’s cars. He was afraid of spiders, beautiful women, smart colleagues and new technologies. He used a primitive mobile phone. He has not changed his Maruti Zen since last thirteen years though he could easily afford a bigger car. He did not drink or smoke regularly, but kept a bottle of Johny Walker Black label received as gift, waiting to open it for want of a suitable opportunity like a promotion at job or India’s qualification in the football world cup.

Being the only earning member of family, he always wanted to limit his expenditure on unnecessary luxuries and save for his daughters’ education, marriage etc. While planning for the future he forgot to live in the present and always waited for something good to happen to feel happier. His wife on the contrary was a very outgoing and jovial personality. She used to dance before marriage and was fond of movies and music. Now her only entertainment is plateful of assorted food in the food court of the suburban shopping mall and a movie or two. They had two daughters, aged 8 and 14 who studied in the neighborhood school. When they completed 10 years of marriage Latpat wanted to gift her something of her choice. She asked for a DVD player. Latpat did gift her one with two DVDs, namely Titanic and Hum Apke Hai Kaun. Her wife gifted him a set of aroma therapy candles with aphrodisiac oil.

On the eve of their tenth marriage anniversary, Latpat’s wife wanted to have a good time eating out and spending time together. She found out from her friends about a lounge bar in downtown and convinced Latpat to take her there. In exchange she offered to keep the lights on, wear the translucent negligee at night, which Latpat gifted her on their 5^th anniversary. So, after they make arrangements to keep their daughters with a relative for the night, Latpat took his vintage Zen out. He felt little distracted and he could not decide if it was because of the squeaking noise from the car or the thought of night with his wife in that negligee.

Being a weekday, they reached the seaside lounge bar quite fast and chose to settle on an open air table for two by the beach overlooking the sea. The food on the menu card was mostly unknown to Latpat, so his wife took the responsibility to order. She ordered two exotic cocktails and some finger foods to start with. It was only nine in the evening. The lounge played nice contemporary music which Latpat never heard, but with the fusion of fine alcoholic taste and relaxed senses, he enjoyed it. Her wife was looking beautiful with the dark tinted lips and a hint of dusky eye shadow. They made small conversations, mainly about what they did in their earlier anniversaries and how they have forgotten to spend time with each other, over the years with responsibilities of children taking the top priorities. Latpat kept looking at his wife for ten years, and pondered how their love gradually transformed into a series commitments and responsibilities. Tonight he will rekindle the long lost passion, he thought.

By the time the sizzlers arrived, Latpat downed two more drinks. After long time he was feeling relaxed and happy. For once, he was relieved of all his anxieties of life, savings for his daughters and office politics. The music changed to a soothing saxophone, the stars above the open deck was shining bright. Latpat was never so happy.

At that point someone called her wife’s name, a female voice. It was an old friend of Latpat’s wife from school, they saw each other after ages. As it happens, the two women started talking relentlessly, trying to catch up with all that have happened in their lives. With nothing much to do Latpat sipped his last drink for the road, while gazing at the stars, enjoying his high. After all, this was a special night.

*******************************************************

He could not remember how long it was, but his wife woke him up from his state of trance. It was little past midnight and only few patrons were left in the lounge. Latpat settled the bill and waited for the valet to bring his car. Looking at his wife’s sparkling eyes, he just couldn’t wait for the excitement awaited for the rest of the night. As soon as he hit the road, he pressed the accelerator hard, took a screeching turn. His wife cautioned him’, what’s the hurry dear, drive carefully”. With his blurred vision and the dimly lit road he saw some silhouette figures on the road, a hundred meters ahead. When he realized it was a group of cops with a ‘naka-bandi’, it didn’t take him long to realize what he is driving into. There’s a group of cops on their routine drink and drive check-post and there he is behind the wheel, alcohol filled up to his neck. The next thing would be a breath analyzer on his mouth which will ensure suspension of his license, a quick trial and atleast three days inside a jail, the least being the fine of couple of thousand rupees. He read in the newspapers how stringent cops have become these days, especially after few fatal accidents by drunken drivers. He trembled inside, by the thought of him being inside jail with all those rapists and criminals, while his wife facing humiliation from the neighbours, colleagues and relatives. How will he face his daughters? He will be degraded in front of everyone known to him. Forever.

He looked at his wife, who had turned pale, probably from the same thought. Latpat slowed down. There was no way to get out of this. The cops have already noticed him and one constable on the bike started approaching him. There was not a single moment to lose. He looked at his wife again, who tried to say something, but then he had already decided what to do. He took a deep breath, pressed the accelerator as hard as possible and released the clutch pedal. With a shrieking noise the Zen sprang towards the iron barricade set up by the cops. A glaring light from the standing police vehicles blinded his vision as he drove in breakneck speed. The cop on the bike shouted and waved before Latpat hit his bike, which flung on to his bonnet, shattering his windshield. His car ran over the constable, felt from the bump below the tires. Latpat tried to brake and turn towards the gap between the barricade just wide enough to let him pass through it. He could see a mosaic of blinking lights through the thousand pieces of glass of his windshield. To his horror, he found the brake is not functioning. His unused vehicle has given up at this moment of emergency. As a last try as he pulled up the hand brakes, the car turned clockwise with a screeching sound. Smell of burnt rubber engulfed his olfactory before the car hit the first barricade sideways, hit a police van and rammed the second line of barricade before coming to a halt.

Within police siren blaring, smoke and acrid smell of burnt rubber and metal, Latpat sensed a stream of hot fluid oozing out of his nose. Another stream tricked down his forehead over his eyes, making it difficult to open. He could gather a blurred image of his wife on the front passenger seat, her head bowed down while her motionless body is hold by the seat belt. He could see her lips, dark and red, gently dissolving and dripping on her arms, flowing over her fingers reaching toward her nails. As his senses plunged into putrid darkness, he tried to stretch his numb arms towards his wife. But he could taste the salty thick decomposed fluid on his mouth and a worm like creature running over his head, shaking it gently.

*******************************************************

“It’s not even ten minutes I was away and you dozed off?” Her wife looked at him while running her fingers through his hairs, “ How are you going to last the night?” Her eyes sparkled. Her lips shimmering with a naughty smile.

Latpat looked at her, smiled and said ‘Don’t worry darling, night is still young. Let’s make love. Let’s start in the taxi that we are taking home’.

^# (Law Abiding Tax Paying And Typically   Disillusioned  Endangered Subliminal Indian).

PS: The picture was shot by me, on Mumbai road and digitally altered.

Written, edited and directed by: Bela Negi

Release date: 29 Oct 2010

I saw this movie during a private screening organized by the director, thanks to Kamal Swaroop. I had only read her interview [link] and did not have any clue about the story. All I knew was-

1.     This movie is on and about Uttarakhand (temporarily named as Uttaranchal).

2.     Bela Negi hails from Uttarakhand, is an FTII pass out and have worked with the legendary Renu Saluja.

3.     This is the first movie where Deepak Dobriyal plays a lead role.

Before watching, I was intrigued by the title of the movie. The first thought that came to my mind that it must be a pahadi movie with a political subtext. But it wasn’t. The movie turned out to be much broader than that.

Plot Synopsys [Spoilers protected]

Daayen Ya Bayeen is a minimalistic contemporary tale of the people of Uttarakhand. The protagonist of our film, Ramesh Malija (Deepak Dabriyal) returns from a big city to his native village, Kanda, somewhere in Kumaon, for good. He is a day-dreamer, poet, visionary, husband, father and above all a messy loser. He returns to his roots, takes up a job as an English teacher in the local school and dreams of building a ‘Kalakendra’ right in the village, to nurture the indigenous talents.  He is a ‘cool’ fashion conscious dude with his corduroy jacket, jeans, shades, cap et al, educated enough to carry books written in ‘simple English’ by Russian writers. He is welcomed quickly and ritualistically by the loving people- the motley bunch of villagers and his family. However, within no time he degenerates into a subject of ridicule, for his impractical ambition, poetic thoughts and radical ways of teaching his students. His wife has her own share of dissatisfaction on their general state of being, especially in light of her superlative brother’s urban success story. Things suddenly change when Ramesh’s entry in a jingle contest on TV, wins a brand new luxury car! Overnight, Ramesh becomes the village hero, the icon of triumph and epitome of bravura.  Ramesh too flaunts his possession. But with the newfound luxury life becomes complicated for him. He quickly makes enough enemies to disrupt his otherwise mundane unexciting life and his dream of Kalakendra. Like the car, his life also rolls down in a bumpy road of twists and turns.  He gets involved into a platter of problems involving a local political stalwart, his sister-in-law, huge financial loan burden and not the least, an absconding calf. The car, as a metaphor of life takes him to a juncture where he must take a turn towards the right direction, to salvage his dream and his identity.

Direction, Characters, Cast, Cinematography

It’s difficult to talk about this movie without revealing the plot spoilers, and there are plenty of elements to talk about. The prime subject remains as the people of Uttarakhand, their identity, aspirations and ambitions with the obvious backdrop being the picturesque Kumaon Himalayas. A simple tale involving an object of desire, a luxury sedan in this case, is then interwoven with earthy characters sprinkled with abundant ‘pahadi humour’ (if I can take liberty to use such term), a rocky version of dry humor tending towards malice. Some contemporary topics are part of this tale; education, television soaps and most importantly- identity of the people and their direction in life.  The movie delves into few fundamental questions. What is achieved by creating a new state? Is such transformation, where girls aspire to be named as the much married bitchy TV serial women, kids walk and talk in English without knowing what they are learning, justified ? Where migrating to a big city is still the biggest aspiration ?  Men gamble with cards and get drunk by sundown. How does this new state affect the people and boost their confidence ?

Bela, hailing from Uttarakhand, knows her roots, feels the dilemma and expresses it in cinematic medium. I have observed, when a writer directs a movie, there’s always a lot of attention to detail. Daayen Ya Baayen would be a treat to the observant audience, to gather the subtle nuances of the characters, the slick coordination of certain sound and visuals to create a humorous note, the framing, dialogues and at times, silent expressions. Quite laudable debut.

There are quite a handful of characters, each with their own idiosyncrasies and colourful traits. There’s a character called ‘Haruldi’. She is an octogenarian lady in sneakers who’s wealthy enough to disburse loan in thousands. There’s the bidi smoking mother of Ramesh. Then there are village bumpkins and yokels played by Manav Kaul (1971, Jajantaram, Mamantaram), Badrul Islam, local political stalwart Jwar Singh (Jeetendra Bisth) and his sidekicks. A veteran ‘Frosted’ school principal (Girish Tiwari) who invariably ends his speech with “miles to go before I sleep”. One of the most important aspects on this film is that it is also made with the local people. Other than three major roles (Deepak Dobriyal, Manav Kaul and Badrul Islam), all other characters are played by local actors and artistes. Reportedly, some of them have faced a camera for the first time. Large number of school students are featured in certain scenes and as I understand, shooting were conducted without any workshop or training. Ramesh’s family members, especially his little kid (Pratyush Sharma) and his wife (Aditi Beri)  sourced from the region seamlessly merges with the household and domestic brouhaha. The wife, particularly in the scenes of her ‘outrageous housekeeping’ antics is hilariously natural.

Deepak Dobriyal is simply brilliant as the protagonist. His acting prowess probably comes from his theatrical background. I have always admired his work, irrespective of the character he plays. One of his best performances probably was in Gulaal, which was shot much before he was noticed on Omkara. Deepak is a powerful actor. For the attentive audience, he is a treat to watch on screen. Remember the paan shop scene of Gulaal ? Or the bridge scene in Omkara ? He has handled difficult roles with panache in films like 13 B, Delhi 6 and Shaurya. In this film, his character is a sublime combination of a poetic dreamer and an ambitious visionary, but unintentionally ending up being a loser or playing the jester. He teaches his son to hand stand, as that will facilitate blood flow to the brain. He makes poetry. He learns driving. He drinks country liquor. Still, he tries to impart basic values to his students and his son. He does it with intensity. This is undoubtedly, his one of the meatiest and finest performance on screen. His character is beautifully supported by Badrul Islam, a fanboy hopelessly sweet in his own way. Pratyush as Ramesh’s son radiates lot of potential who reminds of the kids in Majid Majidi’s films.

Like recent Udaan and Do Dooni Char, this film too makes way for filmmakers who, while trying to entertain, are also willing to create meaningful content on realistic themes. While the movie is predominantly based on the people and societal culture of Uttarakhand, it talks about certain values, identities and aspirations which is identifiable beyond geographical boundaries. However, one must not expect a somber Blue Umbrella here. Apart from some obvious similarities (people, mountain), DyB deals with is much down to earth issues and materialistic aspirations, but with lighter mood. The tone of the film is bright and upbeat, and it never loses its humour even at its darkest point.

Though DyB is a low budget film, the production value is high. The cinematography( Dop Amlan Datta), costumes (by Nikunj Vyas), music are elaborate, well detailed and very entertaining. The magnificent locales, panoramic views, bright sunny days, winding hilly roads, vivid hues are all part of the captivating storyline, all captured candid which prevents it to become a documentary. There’s a scene where, Ramesh with his son walks along the narrow stone steps and a rainbow shimmers on the horizon- absolutely stunning! The film is full of many such colourful occasions of happiness, sorrow and surprises. Arguably, films shot on picturesque mountainous locations are somewhat vulnerable to the landscape overpowering the characters. But it’s the good director’s panache to make them blend with the terrain, but to retain their own importance in the plot. Fine examples are Eric Vali’s Himalaya (aka Caravan), Ray’s Kunchenjungha and Shohei Imamura’s Ballad of Narayama. Bela, is quite successful in achieving a fine balance between the characters and the backdrop, interdependent but collectively complete.  The BGM by Vivek Philip (Sorry Bhai, My Brother…Nikhil) is upbeat and pertinent with the visual setting. There’s only one song, a spontaneous upbeat one, sung by Zubin Garg on which the entire village makes merry !

The narrative is simple, believable, straightforward and chronological. Though in the otherwise logical narrative, absence of mobile phones or a gas filling station does feel a bit conspicuous. Remember,  the car plays the pivotal role (also to some extent literally, by the end of the film). While almost all aspects of the car and driving was captured in detail and expressed with much humour, one or two instances of gas filling could have been added, keeping practicality in mind. In another scene against sunset where Deepak leans against his sedan, quite looks like an advertisement, probably of a car. Otherwise the screenplay is taut and at places emotionally involving. The films takes it own time to develop the plot, which some may term as a slow start, but once Deepak takes the steering, there’s no brake.

Overall, a high quality satire intelligently packaged within an entertaining cinema. Watch it, you may feel right after you’ve left the theater.

Please feel free to ponder, interpret, use or ignore.

Sorry, no humour this time.

I am no transport planner, or a strategic policy maker, but from the statistics that we get to read about the number of increasing vehicles this becomes a cause of concern for me. They say 500 vehicles get added into Mumbai roads every day. Using common sense I can safely assume that that many vehicles don’t go off the road every day. Our knowledgeable and experienced civic authorities and transport planners, after much deliberation has eliminated the traffic signals by building flyovers and pedestrian over-bridges to facilitate signal free commuting. Ironically, that has made the situation worse. Now the traffic snarls are sometimes longer than ten kms. Avoiding flyover is faster in some cases (e.g. Bandra or Airport or Malad flyover). Sometimes I have to drive for an hour at first gear to travel five kms. With my limited common sense but huge confidence on Indian civic authorities, I am very sure that over coming years, the commuting is going to be longer and longer.

So, say what will happen to Mumbai road traffic in the year 2050? Here’s what I think. It won’t be all that bad.

1. The cheap suburban local train network won’t sustain due to excessive commuter load. Being the fastest mode of commuting it would be converted into a premium luxurious transportation system (PLTS) which would be ten times costlier than driving a car. There would be two different class- luxurious saloon cars and executive first class. Both would be air-conditioned, equipped with television and wireless broadband. Luxurious saloon would have a bar and complimentary feet-massage service. Gorgeous stewardesses would serve alcohol on the seat. Each compartment would be manned with armed bouncers to take care of unwanted incidences. However, all these facilities would come with a hefty price tag, which could only be afforded by the rich and elite. A one way PLTS ticket from Dahisar to Churchgate would be equal to the airfare from Mumbai to Delhi.

2. On road, the concept of speed would change. The speedometer would be calibrated in Inches/ second (ips). Considering 10.9 ips is equivalent to 1 km/hr, an average speed of 10-15 ips would be considered great. City roads would have speed limits of 20 ips for cars and 30 ips for heavier vehicles. Bandra-Worli sea link would have a faster limit of 40 ips. Ferrari, Lamborghini and other sports car manufacturers would have special fast Indian models with as high as 100-150 ips as top speeds.

3. The concept would distance would change. Instead of Kms, distance would be measured and represented in hrs on the road signage. For, example Bandra to Kandivali would be 5N / 8R where N denotes normal and R rainy conditions respectively. Similarly, Colaba to Mira Road would be 18N/ 24R and Juhu to Panvel would be 24N/ 36R.

4. Because vehicles would have to spend prolonged period of time on the road, driving bumper to bumper at a speed of 5ips, all cars would be manufactured with gigantic petrol tanks. Passenger cars would resemble oil tankers. But auto pilot and proximity detectors would be mandatory installations. These sophisticated equipments would allow, the driver to do shopping or taking a quick nap, while the vehicle would be pre programmed to crawl in accordance with the speed of the vehicle in front and the rear, for a limited period of time. Gears would be extinct; all vehicles would have three automatic modes- reverse, crawl and auto-pilot.

5. Only people with immense patience and wisdom would survive, others would either die from the stress, road rage or in the ambulance enroute to hospitals. That would make the society more peaceful, young and advanced.

6. As it will take days to reach from one destination from other, offices would allow flexi timings. Office cubicle would house bunk-beds and lockers. Toilets would have shower cubicles and changing rooms. A dynamic resource monitoring system would map the working hours logged and compute the weekend hours accordingly. For example let’s assume every employee has to clock 40 working hours per week. Let’s say, an employee would start for office on Monday morning from Borivali and reach Colaba by Tuesday early morning during the monsoons. Now he will have to spend Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday by physically staying at office to log in 40 productive hours. The system would then allow him 48 hours of weekend. So the employee can leave office on Thursday night and reach home by Friday night. Unfortunately, the employee won’t be able to spend 48 hours at home because he will need another 24 hours to drive to office next week. For senior management and Directors of companies, driving hours would be considered productive and they would be entitled for longer weekends.

7. All vehicles would run in alternative bio-fuels which would include human wastes. Special arrangement would be made so that drivers and passengers can take bio-breaks inside their vehicles, which would be directly processed by the engine to generate power.

8. There would be Rescue Driver service who would, as the name suggests rescue the vehicles, in case there’s an emergency and the driver decide to abandon the vehicle midway and walks to his destination. Rescue drivers would work in close contact with the police and mobile mental asylums to rescue the cars abandoned by drivers who has gone mad with frustration.

9. Driving would be the next best lucrative profession after Pilots and MPs. The salary of drivers would be as high as CEOs and Director’s of companies. So, no one would be able to afford drivers except HNIs, the rich disabled and their children. Driving schools would issue degree certificates viz. Bachelor of Driving (B. Drv), Masters (M. Drv) or Doctorate (D. Drv) to the pupils as per their achievement.

10. It could cost a fortune to obtain a driving license. There would be a six level screening and counseling session including physical, emotional and mental health check-ups. All applicants would be tested in a simulated environment for 24 hours before announcing them fit for driving.

11. There would be mobile hospital (MOHO) vans fully functional with OPDs, IPDs, OTs and recovery rooms. An intelligent system of telephone hotline would connect the ailing to the nearest mobile hospital, which would take care of the patient that point forward. Delivery of babies, heart attacks, trauma and accident emergencies would be easily catered through such hospitals. These MOHOs will admit the patient and start the treatment enroute to his/ her home or the Hospital HQ, depending on the severity. In case of death they would deliver the body to the patient’s home free of charge. Rescue drivers would deliver the vehicle back home.

Click on the image above for a larger hi rez pic

12. There would be mobile shopping vans selling vegetables, clothing, groceries, electronics, books and everything else money can buy. Similarly there would be massage parlours, laundry, ATMS, beauty parlors, lawyer’s office, stock broking and real estate consultancy and career counseling all on the move. However, mobile bars won’t be allowed, as drinking and driving would still be an offence.

13. Unsolicited calls from Insurance agents, credit card companies and Mutual Funds would cease to exist. There would be trained personnel who will knock at the vehicle windows to sell their products.

14. There would be on road services to cater to all kinds of tastes. There will be ROWs (restaurant on wheels), WOWs (waiter on wheels) to HOWs (Hookers on wheels, albeit illegal).

15. Cycles would be banned being too fast, due to the increased risk of accident to the rider. Only cops and emergency service providers like dudhwala’s, dabbawala’s and rescue drivers would get special permission to use cycles.

16. Auto rickshaws would only be used as VIP vehicles and ambulance, for their sheer ability to negotiate through thick traffic in emergency situations.

17. Two wheelers would ceased to exist, due to their inefficiency to withstand long journeys through potholed roads. However, special licenses would be issued to stuntmen performing at circus and Death well (Mauth ka Kuan).

18. Potholes would be leased to companies, who would conserve, beautify and maintain them. There would be proud and loud signboards like “This pothole is maintained by L&T since 2010- It’s all about Imagineering” or “This is a Kingfisher Pothole- Enjoy the Good Times” or “ Microsoft Pothole – Where Do You Want to Go Today?”

19.Anti-gravity cars, driverless cars, artificial intelligence, honest cops and smooth roads would still be subjects of research and development and millions of Rupees would be spend to fund the ambitious projects.

I can foresee, the Mumbai model would be highly successful  in India and would be imitated by other fast growing countries. Being able to use the commuting time productively and efficiently, Indian economy will grow in leaps and bounds and emerge as one of the most powerful nations to control the global future.

This review was first published on PFC [link]. The pencil sketch is my original work.

Udaan is the directorial debut of Vikrmaditya Motwane. The film is written by him and Anurag Kashyap, the later being one of the producers of the movie. Udaan is a cinema based on real life characters set in midtown India about a timeless issue, directly related to every individual during their growing up years. At 17, most people don’t know what they want to do with their lives. At 35, most people realize that they should have done something which they loved to do at 17. The rest, just a handful, takes a path of their choice. Udaan is about realizing that choice in life. Though, Udaan is definitely not one of those ‘protagonist is a winner’ tales, but just a hint of the force to win. As they say, an end is always the beginning of something.

Udaan is an in-your-face film about adolescent aspirations and conflicts of tier-2 India. The story is a simple narrative of Rohan (Rajat Barmecha), a boy of 17 who gets expelled from a renowned residential school and is forced to return and stay with his widower dad, whom he has not met for eight years. Upon reaching his dad’s house at Jamshedpur, a laidback industrial town, he discovers his 6 year old step brother from his father’s second marriage, which he was not even aware of. Ronit Roy as the dad’s character is brilliantly real. A widower, alcoholic and authoritarian, this dad is probably just sensible only when drunk. He forces Rohan to work on his factory and pursue Engineering, against his will. Rohan dislikes his life as he wishes to become a writer. With time Rohan drifts away further and befriend diverted youths to vent out their frustrations by violent means.  The Uncle (Ram Kapoor) tries to bridge the emotional gap for Rohan, but only partially.

The film develops slowly to establish the characters- the dictator dad, the imaginative but distracted Rohan, his affection seeking kid brother Arjun and the Uncle. The film maintains a dull and melancholic undertone throughout.  Some interspersed contextual humour or some funny sequences comes as a relief, but that doesn’t disrupt the films focus on the sordid relationship and conflict between the main characters. With time, the film disturbingly delves into the characters deeper while the build-up culminates into a situation so real, it touches the audience’s mind deep within.

From the grey visuals of hopelessness to a long silent stare, the cinematography drags us into the world of Rohan, slowly and surely. The agonies of each and every character are depicted through snippets of daily life incidences. School, hospital, the daily morning run, the evenings shown in justified repetitions to establish a rigid routine mediocre life. However, the movie is narrated from a rather neutral perspective, leaving it to the conscience of the viewer to assign his/her sympathy. Most of the scenes are devoid of any background music, which accentuates the already tensed premises. To me only vivid absence was that of a contributing female character, but probably the contribution was by the prominent absence, I guess. Only the filmmaker knows best about his movie.

Top notch performances by the actors Rajat Barmecha and Ronit Roy, brilliant cinematography and visual narration, rock themed music from Amit Trivedi and meaningful lyrics from Amitabha Bhattacharyaa makes Udaan a cinema, which stays in mind. The song ‘Naav’ has inspiring lyrics with a rustic Indian flavor in its tune which sets in on the very first hearing. Beautiful lines of Hindi poetry adorn the narration while the visuals focus on barbed wires and dark smoke from the chimneys across the grey horizon. Manjot Singh (of Oye Lucky, Lucky Oye fame) is impressive in a small but significant presence. Metaphorical usage of grindhouse Hindi cinema ( Kanti Shah’s Angoor), a Superman toy, industrial landscapes, drinks on the glass adds to the simplistic portrayal of the small confined world of Rohan and the contrasting expanse of the lake and sky as his unbound aspirations. The pace of  narration reminded me of Manorama Six Feet Under. It allows noticing the cinematic details to the keen observer. For others it may be ‘slow and boring’.

In a Hindi movie, seldom we see such sincerity, towards a subject, close to almost everyone who grew up in a small town ( or may be bigger) could relate to. The film is a stark exception to the ‘packaged and marketable characters in  glossy foreign locale ’ rule which dominates the commercial Hindi filmmaking today. Udaan proves that good cinema may not necessarily need to be an escapist entertainment, but a mirror of reality, a statement and a trigger to introspect within ourselves. As a debut film of Vikramaditya Motwane, it’s exceptionally well made. Dull. Grey. Somber. Melancholic. Highly recommended for the serious movie lovers, Udaan sure will leave a lump in their throat.

Many people raise this question, ‘why should we watch a movie like Udaan and waste our quota for weekend entertainment, which doesn’t solve any problem, but just shows what we already know?’ or ‘ The story did not end properly’. Well, Cinema is a medium of expression by which a writer/ director expresses his feeling, makes a statement and leaves it to the interpretation, acceptance or rejection to the audience. The more real the story is , the difficult is to end it. Is there any ‘ending’ to real life stories ? As Satyajit Ray said – Cinemas of the world are not meant to change a society. The audience is.  But Cinema has created sensible audience. What a cinema like Udaan probably does, it uses the language of cinema to educate and inspire many young Rohan’s to take off on the right direction, at the right time.

PS: Could not miss to notice the lyrics of the famous Doors number, recited by the old man in the hospital to Rohan.

You know the day destroys the night

Night divides the day

Tried to run

Tried to hide

Break on through to the other side

Starting Problem

Since my younger son crossed 3 years I have realized, it’s better to have atleast another family of similar configuration to go on a vacation with. Otherwise, we end up doing the roughly same as we do at home. Kids fight and we try to manage them, sleep late, wake up late, chase the kids to get them ready and are then forced to skip a sight seeing spot or two which disrupts the whole schedule. Every meal lasts for 2 hours and rest of the time is spent on packing and unpacking. So I was very demoralized when my in-laws had to drop out because of a medical emergency in the family at the last moment. I actually wanted to call off the trip, but the financial damage (towards the non refundable hotel booking and airfare cancellation charges) was substantial to be absorbed, hence retracted.

Day one: Guwahati

So, there we were, four of us, on board in the hour long afternoon Indigo flight from Kolkata to Guwahati . Guwahati being the largest city in the seven north eastern states and a major commercial and educational hub, the airport is as crowded as any other major Airports; just that the terminal is much smaller in scale. The first difficulty we faced was that our mobiles could not catch any signal around the terminal building, so it took us some effort and time to find out the driver of the pre-arranged car. Later we were told all pre paid connections, including BSNL are barred in NE region due to security reasons.

While traveling through the city road, it was evident that Guwahati is a prosperous town and a hub for business, administration and education. We were told the IIT is little away from the main city; else I would have loved to visit the campus. We crossed the University, state secretariat and other admin buildings en route. After we entered the main city we could see the hugely wide Brahmaputra river on our right, that looked more like a huge lake than a river. As we neared pan bazaar, we could spot the beautiful graffiti and paintings on walls on both side: dancers, Rhinos, general landscape scenes. Indeed, quite an impressive but inexpensive way to welcome a visitor.

I could not help but notice the advertisement billboards and signage written on Assamese. Assamese script is almost like Bangla, except for few variations which can be identified without much effort. I could easily read them all. The funny this is Bengali ‘S’ phonetic becomes ‘Ch’ is Assamese. So City Bus becomes Chity Buch, Sarkar become Charkar and so on. I was amused to see the ‘Eich Ech Bi Chi Bank’ on the way ! Another interesting billboard was an advert of saying “Our North East, Our Stars”, featuring Bhupen Hazarika, Lou and two more ladies [see pic] . We later found that in different states the order of the persons were different. In Assam Hazarika was on extreme right, whereas in Meghalay he changed place !

Our vehicle and hotel were organized by family friends, who are one of the largest pharmaceuticals manufacturer and distributors. They are also into brewery business, mainly distribution and retail and they own the old and famous B N Dey & Co wine store. We stayed in Hotel Rialto, bang in the middle of the busy Pan bazaar area. It was a modest city hotel, newly built, clean and the food was just awesome. After having a lunch with butter naan with murg makhani, we took a brief rest before heading for Kamakhya temple. It was around 4 in the afternoon and we were told that the shrine closes at 5.The sky was becoming overcast and it seemed to be quite dark soon.

The temple is one of the most famous ‘Shakti” shrines in the country, around 5 km from Pan bazaar area at an elevation on Nilachal hills. On this context, I remember a late friend of my dad, who advised us to visit Kamakhya when we were planning our Darjeeling trip, some 25 years back. Of course Darjeeling and Kamakhya are far from being conveniently adjacent at all, and he is no more now but I still remember his suggestion. Anyway, I am not exactly a religious person. I dislike taking off my shoes in the dirt and much outside a temple, pay a hefty sum for my cameras and then make myself vulnerable in the crowd of devotees. So I decided to wait outside and watch the monkeys, who were available in abundance. However, it started raining when we reached at the temple gate. It got dark and the kids started getting drenched. So my wife religiously offered her sincere pranam which appeared to be directed towards the signboard ‘Keep your shoes here’ and we returned. In Bombay, 7 pm is what we call twilight, so 5 darkness of night at 5 pm was a good learning and a different experience. While we returned to the hotel, our driver mentioned, that heavy rain for an hour is good enough to get the Guwahati streets waterlogged.

After a quick change at the hotel we headed to the dinner invitation at the family friends place. We found their house to be a labyrinth. The lady of the house was rather conversation starved, who covered almost every topics Bengali’s typically converse with- food, weather, travel and a comparative analyses of Bengali and north eastern food for different season. We were served fine Assamese tea with Ujjwla’s Chanachur supplied from kolkata. So it was a very at home atmosphere. She also described the entire ritual of offering a Puja at Kamkhya, which is a hour long process involving crawling in a dark tunnel lit by candles where all the surfaces are covered with sticky soot. Also, it is said that the sinners are converted to goats and kept inside the temple. So, our decision to return turned out to be a wise one !  I had to take intermittent break from the conversation to organize the car which we planned to hire and keep for the next 5 days for the entire road trip. Later, we crossed around 5 rooms to reach to the dining room. Dinner comprised of Chinese cuisine, which we learnt later to be from one of restaurants they own, followed by fruit custard.

We retired for the day, prepared to leave for Kaziranga as early as possible next morning. Guwahati to Kaziranga is around 220 kms, so it was a long drive of 5 to 6 hours.

Day Two: Guwahati to Kaziranga

There’s a place called Jorbat a few kms after Guwahati city limits end which is actually a border of Meghalaya and Assam. The load on the left goes to Kaziranga (220 kms) and travels through plane land while the road on the right goes up through the mountains to Shillong (100 kms). At that point, an armed force personnel informed us that there’s a blockade as Jorbat, but some local personnel and vehicle are not allowed to go further. He guided us on the side of the road behind a long queue of vehicles. We were also told that the blockade is my female protestors so a special female troupe has been sent to disperse them. The young jawan from Jammu, carrying a Kalansnikov said, it’s actually quite easy for them to disperse a mob, provided they are given a free hand. Visibly he was frustrated not able to use his new AK47. We waited around half an hour but could not ascertain how long the wait would last. Fortunately, our driver Joydeb consulted with fellow taxi drivers and suggested we turn around and a take an alternate long cut instead of waiting here. The alternate route was to drive via Chandrapur and then meet the usual highway. The Chandrapur route turned out to be a better road, which was still under construction in parts to a 6 lane highway.

The 6 hour long journey was fairly smooth and comfortable. We took an excessively spicy lunch break at ‘Monophul Dhaba’. . On our left were green meadows meeting the clear blue sky at the horizon, with clouds interspersed. Herds of cattle could be seen grazing on the fields. Overall pretty simple scene, but as they  as ‘ Simple is beautiful’. By the time we entered Kaziranga, the day started fading to dusk and we were tired too tired of the long road journey. No sooner than we entered the Wildlife corridor, we spotted two Rhinos- casually strolling on the grass. We resumed our journey after thoroughly documenting the duo, through still and video photography.

We reached Iora (Pronounced Aiyora) Resort just before sundown and as we walked to the reception, the beautiful flowers in the garden, the serenity around and numerous chirping of birds took away our fatigue. I have never heard so many birds singing/ chirping together. As we walked towards our cottage, the frogs and crickets started adding to the musical concord.

The room was superior with an attached balcony overlooking the meandering pathway and the garden. There were tea coffee maker and all other facilities an ideal star rated hotel should have. There was a facility of renting DVD for kids as well, probably for people who wanted their kids to be kept occupied indoors. The reception called us before dinner to inform that they are showing ‘Border’ the movie on the lounge as evening entertainment. However we preferred to have a quite dinner inside the restaurant, far from Sunny Deol’s patriotic war cry. Dinner was a la carte and the food was ample and delicious. Prices of food and alcohol were cheap compared to what we normally pay in resorts of such standard in other parts of the country.

The musical orchestra of birds changed to that of Frogs, crickets and other night creatures. The darkness of the garden was sprinkled with moving light points. For our kids it was a new experience as they have never heard such sound and neither seen fireflies before. In the snugness of the blanket, their sleeping faces emitted a radiance of joy, which made all the travel worthwhile.

[End of Part One]

To be contd…

A compilation of original wisdom quotes from ~uh~ (aka uhsdom) scattered around the internet in Facebook, Twitter, blogs and memory. Feel free to use them. However, my soul will rust in peace if you mention the source.

1. Cakewalk: when you start walking fast to redeem the calories and overcome the guilt of having a large piece of sumptuous cake.

2. Money saved is money earned, time saved is a movie earned.

3. When in doubt, put it in the microwave.

4. If wishes were horses, all Jockeys would have been VIPs and Rupa would marry Gopal.

5. A pedestrian is a person who thinks a Car solves all problems in life.

6. A true friend will always remember all your embarrassing moments to the minute detail.

7. The most memorable nights of a boozer’s life can’t be recalled in totality.

8. Alcohol is almost like cheese, only you don’t have to say it loudly to grin, while clicking a snap.

9. Memory curd is the English expression of ‘Deemag ki Dahi’. E.g- Don’t memory curd me with your lecture.

10. When you meet a young good looking girl and she doesn’t hesitate to share her contacts, you must be married and touching forty.

11. All play and no work made Jack a Ball-boy.

12. A Bong leaves early on the same day when he reaches late for office. Reason- he can’t be late twice in a single day.

13. These days the girls iron their hair, and wear short tops to show their innerwear. Not so long ago they used to iron their innerwear and wear short hair to show their tops.

14. What do you call the shade difference of the skin in the ring finger? Ring tone.

15. They say, carry a good recipe to stay happy. I say, marry a good recipe and stay happier.

16. A guy becomes a man when he goes to a chemist shop to buy condoms for the first time and returns just with the condoms.

17. The secret of a long happy married life depends on which side of the bed you sleep- the wall side or the door side.

18. Online friendship doesn’t last long. It just disconnects.

19. “It sucks” becomes a compliment only in case of a Vacuum cleaner or a hooker.

20. S is the most important letter in English. Words can become Sword by just changing the position of ‘s’. It also makes the difference between a hit post and a shit post.

This post has been selected as as one of the ‘Top 25 Tangy Tuesday Picks‘ of the year 2010.

The Ballpen and other Poster artworks are my original work ( except for Samuel_Gabbar), so will appreciate if you add the source link if  you wish to use the images.

What if ?

The mainstream Hindi Film Industry is often criticized due to its lack of originality and the tendency to piggyback ride on existing good cinema of the world. Call it rip-off, plagiarism, influence, copy, creative coincidence or whatever, but the fact still remains that it’s always a rare and pleasant surprise to find a good new release, which is based on an original script. Whenever we see a good story on screen, the first thought comes to our mind is that it must be ‘taken’ from some already successful movie script, because that’s what the trend for commercial cinema has been. In short;  if it’s not a masala, it’s must be a copy.

But, what if the trend is reversed?  What happens if the world renowned Directors start getting ‘influenced’ by the superhit masala Hindi films?  What if they remake the famous, cult and highest grossing Hindi films in their own style? Won’t it be a treat to us movie lovers, a double whammy of sorts? Foreign director cooks the desi masala, and in their own style.

So I sit down with a khamba of Old Monk, create a thick cloud of Eyjafjallajökullic smoke out of Classic milds and  let my imagination run wild, wearing the shoes of some of my favorite directors…..

Warning: Article contains text and artworks depicting violence, sex and disdain to convention. Reader’s discretion solicited.

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Quentin Tarantino remakes Sholay

(Tarantino says it’s the most exhilarating experience, making his remake after RGVs)

We all know Sholay is inspired from Kurosawa’s Seven Samurai. But once Sholay was made, it became Sholay and had it’s own identity. So remaking Sholay is not the same as remaking Seven Samurai, in case one tend to become confused.

The four hour long film will be divided into eight major scenes, each around half an hour long. The movie would start with the final confrontation of Thakur (Lawrence Tierney) and Gabbar (Samuel L Jackson), where the opening credits would roll. Thakur will have robotic arms and legs equipped with rocket launchers and machine guns. Thakur will brutally kill Gabbar inside his loo, while Gabbar peeing.

The next scene would be a long conversation between Thakur, Jay (Eli Roth) and Veeru (Michael Madsen) about the Gabbar assignment. This will be followed by the Holi shootout followed by the train and dacoits scene. The dacoits would be on dirt bikes firing shotguns. Basanti (Vanessa Ferlito) would flirt with Jay, instead of Veeru. Veeru, while faking the ‘soocide‘, will suddenly fall from the overhead water tank and die. Gabbar will kill Basanti in frustration as she would try to seduce him, during the torture session. Jay and Veeru would kill Asrani’s character (cameo by Tarantino himself) before the jailbreak. They would suddenly behead Jagdeep (Steve Buscemi) after a 2 minutes laugh session together.  The excised head would still shown to be laughing. Gabbar’s ‘Russian roulette’ (to aab goli kha !) scene would feature as bonus under deleted scene in the DVD release. So will be Hungal’s ‘itna sannata kyun hai bhai’ monologue and Basanti’s striptease to Gabbar.

Gabbar would use a heavy duty industrial sawing machine to cut Thakur’s hands, legs and also castrating him. Gabbar will scathingly mention that he doesn’t want Thakur to reproduce again so that his offspring could never take revenge on him. Gabber would snort coke and would be impotent.  The fountain of blood oozing out of the limbless Thakur would drench the entire cast present in the scene including Sambha (Tarantio wanted it to be played by Mac Mohan only) and the gang. The bloodstream then further flow down to the village. The village dog will be shown to lick the blood while Ramukaka playing GNR’s ‘November rain’ on saxophone.

The longest scene would be the massacre of Thakur’s family shown at the last. Samurai swordsmen on dir bikes would do the killing with Nirvana’s ‘All apologies’ playing as the BGM.

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Bernerdo Bertolucci remakes Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge

(This movie is also gets red signal from censor board  for explicit sexual content)

Raj meets Simran on a train, has sex in the luggage compartment and part ways without even asking each other’s name. Then they meet again in Switzerland and have sex again, this time in a hotel room. Simran leaves Raj while he is asleep, who is then desperate to find her. He traces her back in India, in the remote village of Punjab. He finds that Simran is about to get married. Raj pretends to be a family friend of Kuljeet, Simran’s fiancé. They have a secret meeting following by sex in the ‘sarson ke khet’ where Simran’s father sees them. Next day they find a heap of dead pigeons being eaten by vultures. Raj eventually discovers that Kuldeep is a misogynist and kills him. Meantime Simran’s sister Preeti seduces Raj and they have a wild romp in the barn. But soon Raj gets disillusioned with both Preeti and Simran. He tries committing suicide by drinking many glasses of lassi but fails. As he tries to regain his lust towards Simran, she comes to know about his relationship with Preeti, she drowns Raj in a tub full of lassi.

In the last scene, Preeti is shown to drive a tractor with Simran towards the sarso ka khet while some pegions flies up, disturbed by the loud noise of the engine. In silhouette, only one of them is shown to return while the sun sets in the backdrop.

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David Lynch remakes Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi

(As usual Lynch refuses to provide any explanation of the film and leaves it to the audience interpretation)

Surrinder Suri (Chris Isaak) is a loner alcoholic simpleton, who works in the Electricity department of a small town but lives in a dark palatial mansion lit only by candles. Various insects crawl around him and a red lizard like creature makes modem like sound intermittently. His house is so big that some of the corridors looks like a tunnel to limitless darkness. However, when Surinder walks into any of the dark corridors it always leads to the living room.

He spends sleepless nights watching a headless transgendered belly-dancer on his laptop screen who after every dance session dissolves into pixels which he saves in his pen drive as media file. Taniya (Naomi Watts) is the girl with a dark past and disturbed childhood. She gets flashes of her riding pillion with a muscular hunk on a motorcycle riding on an one way road opposite the traffic flow. Taniya’s would be husband suddenly disappears along with the vehicle on the same day of their wedding. The incident leaves Taniya shocked and depressed. An unknown man calls Taniya asking if she would like to know a secret about his father. She gets perplexed to discover that the phone line is lying dead.  There’s a hint of incestuous relationship with his professor father, who before dying because of a wrong medication overdose, asks Surinder to take care of Taniya. Suri marries Tanya and takes her to his dark mansion. While Suri leaves for work, Taniya discovers that the red lizard actually eats the fuse wire which disconnects the electric supply. In a feat of rage she kills the lizard with a kitchen knife. In the night Suri is surprised to see his house lit, but gets a shock to see footage of his wife killing the lizard on TV. He tries to look for Taniya, but could not find her. He walks into a dark corridor which leads to a street with a bike parked on it. He rides it and reaches to the dance class where Taniya is practicing. During his ride he transforms into a sculpted dude whom Tani could not recognize but agrees to partner with. They have sex on the bike in the first night after the dance class. The same routine repeats everyday. One day Suri takes Tani out of the city, atop a hillock she could see the letters ‘I Love you’ displayed by the building lights. Suddenly some kind of short-circuit happens and the entire city catches fire. While Tani screams, the headless dancer appears and beheads Tani. The decapitated Tani runs towards the fire where Suri is pulled into a spiraling black tunnel and he loses consciousness.

In the next scene he is shown waking up in Tani’s house dressed in bridal attire, where he sees Tani’s dad sitting on the couch while Tani is watching the dance competition on TV. The arrangements around hints that it is Tani’s wedding day.

Suri hears a modem like sound, comes out of the house and finds the bike. The movie ends with he leaving the place riding the bike.

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Roman Polanski remakes 3 Idiots

(The movie is disapproved by censor and banned in India citing that would hurt Indian sensibilities)

There would be slight changes in the characterizations and the storyline. Rancho would be a gay scientologist, Farhan would be an alcoholic photography lover and Raju would be a drug addict loser, suffering from chronic depression and anxiety. Virus would be a Satanist, practicing occult sciences in his office during lunch break. Pia would be a mysterious lady who is an androphobic witch doctor. While treating the ailment of Raju’s dad she accidentally would suffocate him to death. Rancho would carry the corpse in his scooter and sell it to underground corpse dealers for money. He will use the money to fund his underground scientology club.

The focus of the film would be more on the psychotically challenging characters disturbed by their respective educational background and the conflict of their societal existence. Chatur would be an imaginary character, often appearing in the delirium of Raju. Farhan would commit suicide by asphyxiating himself with negative rolls, after repeatedly being rejected for internship by his idol.

On the stormy night Pia’s sister would give birth to a baby demon and Virus would be struck by lightening at the same time. Rancho would steal the proverbial pen from his charred remains and vanish into thin air. Raju will have a hallucinatory trip to Ladakh with Farhan and Chatur, where they would discover Rancho living with milimetre, his partner now and the demon baby.

In the last scene Raju would be shown confronting an interview panel with his dad’s corpse on the table, while Pia sits naked on a chair and laughs.

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Given an opportunity I would love to outline the following remakes as well,

James Cameron – Jodha Akbar (3D)

Wong Kar Wai – Dostana

Troy Duffy – Karan Arjun

Pedro Almodovar – Taare Zameen Par

Kim Ki Duk – Maine Pyar Kiya

The Ballpen and other Poster artworks are my original, so will appreciate if you add the source link if  you wish to use the images.