no day but today

Short Version

The Bad News:
I have Lyme Disease. I have had it for 8 years now but did not get a diagnosis until 2 years ago. I am on IV antibiotics to try to go into remission. Treating Lyme disease is a lot like treating cancer, there is no cure and my best option is to get into remission and then hope not to relapse. The antibiotics are a lot like chemo, they kill the Lyme bacteria but they also kill good bacteria and that makes me very sick. I do the antibiotics in cycles often 1-2 weeks at a time and then I take 1-2 weeks off, rinse and repeat ad nauseum. I spend most of my time on the computer in bed and which is ironic because I never really sleep. I am a bat in training.

The Good News:
I have an amazing wife, Jakki who cares about and for me. She loves me deeply and is just as stubborn as I am and I’m thankful for her everyday. I have a two dogs (Bella-Miniature Dachshund and Keely-Italian Greyhound) and a bunny (Belize-Dutch Rabbit) that keep me company and sane. I am still able to teach colorguard and winterguard, between that and theater I am some how remained some version of sane. And I have my fucking sense of humor, which I think has done more damage to this disease than anybody could ever imagine. I’m sick, I’m dying, but aren’t we all–sometimes I feel damn lucky to just be able to do the most simple things and that makes me more aware of myself and the world around me. I have been allowed a unique perspective on life and I try to make use of it.

The Long Version

Five years ago my life changed when my life started falling to pieces, my health was declining at a point where I could not make excuses anymore. I then spent three years undiagnosed and struggling to keep my head above the water and floated from physician searching for answers. After the years of researching on my own, I began looking into Lyme Disease and in October 2007 received a diagnosis of Chronic Progressive Lyme Disease and I am currently undergoing treatment.

Despite this, I am the co-founder/co-director of a youth performance ensemble that focuses on social causes and in doing so “adopted” a lot of lost kids into my home on weekends and in my heart even though many of them have came and moved on with their lives. When I think I’ve got nothing to live for….I am easily reminded. I teach colorguard and winterguard when I am able and I work, it is something I am passionate about and I met my wife doing it and love being able to teach new generations about the activity with her-it takes a lot of strength to have a relationship and work together, we continue to work on making both successful. I have been lucky in my life to have found her (or she found me), a dachshund named Bella, an Italian greyhound named Keely and a rabbit, Belize. We have quite the blended family and have a lot of kids come and go in our lives, which makes life very rich and rewarding. With out these guys I don’t know what I’d do…they keep are what keeps my life together.

Even though I am still teaching I have had to give up on going to school at this time, with rehearsals, competitions, managing life, and treatment-I just don’t have anything left. I know it sounds like I do a lot but I still miss the feeling of being a productive member of society and having a real job/career. I now have a very different perspective on my education, I want to be in a place where I can get as much out of the experience as possible and I am willing to wait until I am at that point in my life. Soon I hope to be at a place where I can get back to pursuing a BFA with a concentration in technical theater. I was halfway there when I had to stop school due to my poor health, so it was really hard to watch my future fall away. If I can get back to school and finish my BFA I plan on getting a MFA in acting, arts therapy, or possibly historical research…these are the plans but I’ve learned they can always change. Despite what life has thrown at me….I do my best to survive and make the best of what I have. I realize that I have no day but today.