SunFresh (K.I.M.)

Quicky

Last night I had a first date with a guy that I wasn’t initially excited abou – but he turned out to be a really quality guy. Except – I’m now attracting men at least 9-12 years older than me that have children. I would have more of a questionable disposition toward a 30 year old with children than a 40 year old. Anyway – the conversation was delightful and despite my initial impression – he showed strength by being vulnerable. On a first date – what makes one better than another is the depth of conversation. We didn’t play the 30 questions read your resume game…we actually talked about our thought process as it relates to family, relationships, and other. He is Canadian by the way of Jamaica. Major difference I noticed with him…he said straight up, he knows what he is looking for in a woman and has a very scheduled approach toward dating. He is dating to have a relationship, not just for shiggs n’ giggles – and I can’t say that for the majority of men I meet. Anywho – not sure how I feel – but I enjoy his company.

I now understand how wives/mothers can go bonkers-angry from feeling unappreciated. Earlier this week I gave my freeloading brother and sister instruction that they had to clean to prepare for my parents arrival. Well, today – I turned into super woman and got done what they failed to do and then some more. Cleaned the kitchen inside out, straightened up my bathroom, vacuumed, cooked green bean casserole, a sweet potato experiment, ran 4 miles and lifted weights. Oh did I mention I pay the mortgage on this place, and don’t cook the type of food that causes grease to build up on the stove, nor do I leave fruity pebbles on the counter, nor do I leave egg gook on the counter, nor do I leave random sh*t on the floor. Am I the cleanest? Absolutely not, but dag on. Oh and I purchase the dishwash soap, paper towels, aluminum foil and other collective kitchen goods…yet I’m not the one consuming them at a fast pace.

And I put the 2.5 foot christmas tree up and decorated it.

Yes this is a pat myself on the back post. If I don’t – nobody else will. Hmmppphhhh. And mofos want me to get them christmas presents? Hmph. the live in my HO-HO-HOME…that’s present enuf. Hmph.

I feel like a single mother and I didn’t even get the pleasure of what it takes to become a mother.

Anywho – I need to get up and head to the airport and get the parents.

12/22/2010 Posted by K.I.M. (Keep It Moving) | Uncategorized | 2 Comments

Old Soul

Despite the fact that I’m not yet 30, I feel about 45. That’s the main thought I had at the end of my night last night.

I went to an event that honored one of my good friends. This was fantastic because it provided me the opportunity to get dolled up and connect with people. All started out great…this is before most people redeemed their 4 free drink tickets. I had a drink or two (or 3) and loosened up; however, I didn’t loose myself in the alcohol and start talking out of my neck. I’m not above doing that, and find quite a bit of entertainment in doing so; however, I didn’t want last night to be the time or place. Miami…absolutely. In my city around people I respect and I want to respect me…not so much.

So my first feeling of 45. I mentioned that I was a CPA. Two guys who studied accounting in school got excited to be talking to a real live CPA and I went into mentor mode. I was encouraging them and telling them to go for it, the career credibility and flexibility that comes along with the licensure is fantastic.

Second came toward the end. The facility that the event was at closed and black people were congregating. We had identified the post-party spot; however, we were slow footing it. Finally, I asked a fellow what we were waiting for. He told me and I solved the problem, got people to make a move. I am an impatient person of sorts and a leader. So if I see a problem, I take the initiative to fix it…timely.

Next, there is a woman with whom I work and she’s got so much promise in her future. I secretly adopted her as a ‘little’ sister and want to help her along her career path. She was there last night and I appreciated seeing the social side of her. In jest, I was teasing some dude that appeared to be interested in being in her space and I advised him to behave like a gentleman because I felt like she was my little sister. Later I told her; and said…wait how old are you? She’s my age. I’m not sure when her bday is; however, she was born in 81 like I was and if her bday isn’t in Q1, I could qualify as her older sister…by a few months.

Moving on. I was chatting it up with the sweetest gal ever. She was a lil’ inebriated, which usually inspires folks to be more passionate than usual. She was excited about her job – as I was for her. But I felt like older sister again.  I want to encourage and nurture.

Side bar – I overheard a conversation about no romance without finance. Which, I believe in; however, my approach is less about the money and more about a man’s potential/ambition. Whether this sounds PC or not, it is what it is: An ambitious man is not going to be content in being a garbage man. Hence, I focus on a man’s ambition vs. his actual salary. A rich ambitionless man can lose his job and be broke. An ambitious man will always find a way to work for money, power and respect.

The music was on the hip hop station and I turned it to the old school station. I’m an old ass soul at heart.

08/21/2010 Posted by K.I.M. (Keep It Moving) | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

No more…

Fries or potato chips this week.

Plus I need to get back into running. Last week I took 2 emotional hits that demotivated me…but I’m back on track.

and Calislim – I don’t update as much, but if you are reading…I think you are a really nice person. That sounds odd, but in observing you care for your circle, you’re a really nice giving considerate person. World needs more folks like ya!

04/26/2010 Posted by K.I.M. (Keep It Moving) | Uncategorized | 1 Comment

Quick vent

My other blog is impersonal, so I’m going to take the liberty to use this one as a more personal one. Umm today’s vent is about the cat I’m dating. He is the type of guy who tells what *some* men think, even the assholish thoughts. Like his perspective as to why black women are single is because a large number are overweight. I call bullshit on him, saying that perhaps a more in shape woman has more options…but I know lots of in shape single women too. And then he puts me in this ‘marriage material,’ bucket but hasn’t really expressed the desire to marry within he next 2-3 years as he pursues higher education. Fine – so I should run like a sprinter in the opposite direction if my general timeline tells me that I don’t want to be single in 2-3 years.

So tonight he’s talking about how he sees very attractive women his age (33) and assumes that because they’re not with a man, that they have attitude issues. I said – be very careful about how you paint that picture because I could be *that* woman, and he says that I don’t have an attitude, if I date a man who has no intentions of every marrying. I could be *that* woman being uber patient with a guy who had dreams and dropped her once he hit the big scene.

There is a lot I like about him, but gosh – I want a big portion of him without the pompous asshole element.  I’m constantly at a breaking point with him. Which probably means I need to walk away. But I don’t. What’s up with that?

04/13/2010 Posted by K.I.M. (Keep It Moving) | Uncategorized | 1 Comment

Different

So last night I did this running club thing. At times you want to slap your body for it not easily carrying along. And other times you get the runner endorphines which provide an amazing high – so I ‘get’ why people are addicted to it. Anyway – there were some parts where I was just having fun with it. The group consists of 40+ runners and we run through down town Atlanta areas – which some can be quite scary and crack-head-creepy.

Afterwards we all go to a pizza spot. Well, I sit down and a Scottish/Irish fellow sits down beside me. He opens, “I’ll sit here – I enjoyed your sense of humor during the run.” GREAT OPENING LINE. Fellas, take note.  He was simply complimenting an aspect of my personality that he enjoyed. So we sat there and had a pretty entertaining conversation. He’s not physically attractive to me, then again he’s not repulsive.

Another aspect about him that I really appreciated was – he said that he was laid off. It happens, and I like that he could just say it. There were no truths about himself that he felt he had to conceal in hopes to preserve his manhood. He revealed that being layed off is tough; however, he was volunteering 6 days a week, several hours of the day. How fantastic is that? He also said he enjoys salsa / bachata dancing. At this point he said him and a group of friends were going dancing this weekend and asked for # to come along. I’m not sure if he’s positioning himself for friendship or dating. I can never tell.

He found me on facebook today and I appreciated that in his pics – he’s always with a diverse set of people. Seems like a good friend to have.

The running club is an eclectic mix of people. I’d say, democrat type white chics, earthy/natural black chics, civic type white dudes, and buff black dudes.

04/07/2010 Posted by K.I.M. (Keep It Moving) | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Flowers

SG sent me flowers. I’m swooning. Geesh, I wish this dude would just throw his hands up to the air and his heart to me. lol. They’re like micro red roses. Does this mean he loves me a little bit? Teasing, I’ll put on my big girl panties (29 year-old panties) and just recognize that he can be a thoughtful guy. But good golly – as far as anything close to perfect guy for me…he’s it. And he’s gone. Boo-hoo – yet I’m glad he’ll always be in my life as a friend.

03/31/2010 Posted by K.I.M. (Keep It Moving) | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

So cool: Running

Okay – I don’t like running. It’s really only necessary as a life preserving tool. Cheetah chasing your arse, you run. Cops are on your tail, you run. But at what point in a nonthreatening situation would you ever run?

And so I’m baffled as to why I signed up to run the Peachtree Road Race (July 4th 2010). Actually, I know why – it’s on my bucket 30 list. There are some cultural things a person must do as a resident of Atlanta and running the PRR is one of them. My goal is not to run like I’m from Nigeria. I simply want to cross the finish line having run more than half the race.

In order to prepare, I’ve got a good support system of people who actually enjoy running. One of my friends encouraged me to come out to Tuesday Night Urban Run Club. The old 4th Ward of Atlanta is ‘special.’ I mean, any area of a city referred to as a, “Ward,” is special. Broken glass on the ground, tricked out hoopties, kneegrows smoking weed in the day light, ect. That type of stuff – but I must say, I got acquainted with the town in such a different way. It’s quite an experience to run around the city in areas that I’d otherwise be scared to explore. For my first time, I actually did a pretty good job. Wasn’t the fastest, nor the slowest – I kept a good pace, and given that the group takes frequent breaks – there was never a point where I stopped running before we got to a break point. And the best part about it all….

I got a dose of those runner endorphines. When I was complete, I was hyper, almost high. My personality is somewhat cheerleaderish. I’m smart, yet goofy and excitable. The runner endorphines pushed me to ‘off the chainess.’

I can now understand why people consider running addictive. To get another hit of that high is something I look forward to! So who knew…I might actually like running!

03/31/2010 Posted by K.I.M. (Keep It Moving) | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Happy Birthday to Me!

03/31/2010 Posted by K.I.M. (Keep It Moving) | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Identity Crisis

I am half serious, half sarcastic. I’ve been frequenting different websites that cater to an exclusively black audience. And I’ve been feeling less and less, ‘black.’ I say that in sarcasm. CNN, ABC and whatever new studies would have you thinking that in order to be ‘black,’ AND woman have to be living in despair. On facebook, people tend to be attracted to my page because of some of the articles/commentary that I post. But when I go to their pages, I’m in complete disagreement. For example one dude posted a Dr. Cornell West thought, “if it is true that black people are becoming increasingly well adjusted to the American way of life, then we may lose our capacity to tell the truth about our black life in America.”

This stings me in so many places. First – why is the American way of life exclusive of black people? My ancestors (both from Africa and England) built this country. The circumstances were horrific. No doubting or denying that. But this statement makes me think that the America that is exclusive of black people is one of education, employment, marriage, health, ect. As a citizen born here, and now a tax payer, are my entitlements to success different than ‘Americans?’

Furthermore, I don’t want to dump all of Africa into one box. But let me take this special on Emmitt Smith as an examlple. This copy-cat show, based on Dr. Skippy Gates’s study of tracing  a person’s roots, lead Emmitt back to an area in Africa where his ancestors were likely sold. He visited a ‘school’ where beautiful children sang him a native song. He asked about these children, only to find out that they were the victims of human trafficking. Human trafficking is the modern day PC way of saying slavery. 500+ years later and ain’t shit changed. So if I’m to adhere to a more ‘African’ way of life, should I be a slave? Should I, especially as a woman, sacrifice my freedom? Let us not forget the FACT that stronger tribes in Africa sold weaker tribes in Africa for shiny things. The act of actually capturing slaves was less prevalent than the free-market enterprise activity of trading captive humans for valuable goods such as drugs and guns. Ain’t shit changed. So in that regard, Mr. West, there are plenty of black people rejecting America and adhering to the original exchange. I’m not excusing the harsh treatment of slaves once sold into captivity. That was sick. But I’m also not giving a pass to Africa.

My concept of being ‘black’ in America is working hard to achieve some sense of success. Success, in any country, is a cultural thing. We are here. Success is education, employment, family, ect. MLK fought hard to ensure that I was judged by the content of my character not the color of my skin. I honestly feel like this is my reality more often than not in my professional life. I work hard. Are there times when I walk into a room and people doubt my capabilities? ABSO-FUCKING-ALL-THE-TIME-LUTELY. But so what? I have the right  and almost obligation to future generations to  be there earning my place. I quickly earn my respect.

Likewise, I find myself judging whites based on the color of their skin. “This white lady must’ve waltzed up in this Company with a degree she earned based on legacy.” Shame on ME when I find out that she started as an administrative assistant and asked for the opportunity to be in a low level operational role. She proved herself and earned her way to middle management.” I learned my lesson on judging based on color right there.

Arg – I’m American. Culture is not race. While race impacts culture, SO many other things do as well. And I think this mixing pot of things that influences me makes me uniquely American.

03/12/2010 Posted by K.I.M. (Keep It Moving) | Uncategorized | 1 Comment

Does happy dance

Which looks like James Brown wiggle / slide move.

I don’t know how many of you all out in blog world I really know or not – but I am having a happy – hour sytle birthday party on 3/31 at a spot in Atlanta. If you’re interested in coming – comment me.

The BEST part of the party?! 10% of the sales will be donated to Partnership Against Domestic Violence! Wha Wha!!!!

03/11/2010 Posted by K.I.M. (Keep It Moving) | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Small victory

Surprise. I am not perfect. One of my biggest flaws is staying in a relationship well beyond its expiration date. I demonstrate patience. When you meet a person…you may have an incredible connection; however, they may not be delivering perfection, yet you can recognize their potential to do so. So this is what sometimes makes me stay.

So I had been dealing with a dude for way too long. It’s even embarrassing for me to say how long. But in part, when we first met, I didn’t want a full fledged relationship. I wasn’t quite over my most recent ex (SG) and hadn’t been single very long since coming up out of my ‘depression.’ So the slow casual pace was fine for the first month or two.

But then I did what any human does: Caught feelings.

He would like credit in being able to recognize where I was emotionally and working to ensure that I didn’t fall in love. I call that manipulation. Yet, I allowed it. I enjoyed his company. I was kind of dating like a 23 year old.

Then I realized that despite some uncertainity in his future…I liked him. Liked him enough to enter into exclusive terrority. But he kept saying how he was uncertain, wanted to understand how his future would be with b-school, traveling more ect. All this external factors and FEAR.

He was using up my pretty. I really focused on him and didn’t avail my heart to any other. But I was stuck in that quasi relationship shit.

I broke free last night! Was finally an advocate for my heart! Yea me and this small victory.

03/11/2010 Posted by K.I.M. (Keep It Moving) | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Chilling out

I have got to chill out on my internet usage. It could probably be classified as an addiction. That’s all folks. I’ll be on and around, but I want to make my time online at least more quality vs. quantity. Likewise..my real life will benefit. lol.

03/03/2010 Posted by K.I.M. (Keep It Moving) | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Thoughts on women and leadership

My company has a Women’s Leadership Council. They’ve identified that while women make up 50% of the population, we are only 9%-15% of leadership. If you’re company has a client base that mirrors the population, your leadership should mirror the customer base.

So I went to another pannel discussion today and some information I took away:

Be your true self at work. Often times we get messages about who we ought to be, behave perform. Simple example. In college or college exit prep services, you hear that you should dress in conservative colors such as black, navy blue, brown ect. But contrast that with what you wear on the weekend. It’s okay to bring your personal flare (within professional bounds) to any situation.

Know your audience. Really your audience could be 300 people, or 1 person. Understanding how to cater and/or deliver a message makes or breaks a person.

Never believe your own press. I’m guilty of this. I’ve always received high ratings. It makes me lazy. If I set my personal bar high and continue pushing it upward, I have nowhere to go but upward.

Observe the opportunity. Example. In a networking event I dropped in on a conversation with a woman I had met once before. She had delivered the MOST fascinating insight about a project she was working on. Immediately when I got to my desk I sent her an e-mail. I asked if there was opportunities where I could volunteer, I’d be more than willing to do so given the constraints of my current job role. Basically, I’m creating a job for myself. If I become essential to another process, I transition seamlessly out of my current position.

People are the at the heart of what you do. Understand people, work with people, leverage off of people, listen to people and be able to change your opinion based on conversations with people.

Another key message that I heard, which I believe will be transformational is: Work Life Balance isn’t what you strive for. That entails giving up some responsibilities on one side to compromise for the other. Work Life Integration is what we really strive for. When the two are integrated, you don’t necessarily have to give up anything.

And I had this moment y’all. There is only one other time in my life when I had this moment. The first moment was the actual moment that I heard a voice conferring my undergraduate degree upon me. I had worked hard and earned it by then; however, it wasn’t until I was donned in my cap and gown, and heard the university president confer the degree upon me did I feel an overwhelmeing sense of accomplishment and joy. I smiled and cried cuz I didn’t know what to do with the emotion.

I had that moment today. After the panel, a networking event followed. I was standing near women that I knew when the Controller (who is featuerd in Black Enterprise’s most influential women) came up to me and was like, “Hey girl. How are you doing? She gave me a big hug and we chatted. She said, we really need to catch up over lunch or something. I said sure thing, but the moment didn’t hit me until I got back to my desk and sent her a meeting invite. I was like, lil’ ol’ me is sending big ol’ her a casual invite to catch up over coffee/tea. WOAH. The pride washed over me. Granted, I’m not the Controller, but the controller has an interest in me. My job is to continue performing and working hard, which is the easy part. The support and interest is the hard part. WOW.

03/03/2010 Posted by K.I.M. (Keep It Moving) | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Profile of Success

Today Ursula Burns came to work, as we are making strides to push women as leaders. She is the CEO of Xerox, which means she is the first black woman to lead such a large fortune 500 Company.

She delivered a phenomenal, yet down to earth speech. Bless my CEO’s heart, he gets so passionate and visionary that it’s hard to connect with his core. But Mrs (yes MRS) Burns was fantastic. She’s the type of woman you feel like you could approach…when you’re on your tight game.

She was also easy to follow. She’s an engineer at heart, and engineers (SG was one) are very methodological thinkers. Every problem or concept can be broken down into parts, and so her thought process is conveyed that way.

She started out with a fantastic story about her mother. She said that despite the fact that many stories are written about her mother and paint her as a super woman…she said her mother was ordinary. Her mother stressed love and education.

Another thing I took away from her speech is she repeated, “my Xerox family.” If you’re a working woman or man, you know that you spend just as much time, if not more, at work than you do with your family. In that regard you express a similar amount of dedication and effort at work that you do with the ones you love. It’s hard to think of ‘work,’ as a part of your extended family, but if you do…that means you understand the rewards of it and you will probably excel. She indicated that the boundaries between work and personal are very thin for her.

She identified 5 things that will help to you throughout your career:

1. Love Change
2. Have fun
3. Stay True to Self (at this point she went on a tanagent about her natural hair!)
4. Change the World (even if it means raising 1 solid child. If he/she does well, you have impacted this world. Your imprint doesn’t have to be like MLK. Heck, we often don’t hear about his mother…but his mother raised a man who changed the world)
5. Stay grounded in your family and friends.

In regards to her skill she harped on the fact that by trade (engineer) she is programmed to define a problem and identify a solution. In regards to her style, she gave some GREAT take aways:

1. Exercise fearlessness to act
2. Be frank in your communication (be direct and candid. Only in honesty will we be able to move forward)
3. Be gracious and respectful

She identified that every person is equipped with Fit and Fitness. Fitness has to do with your sheer ability to perform. She indicated that when she interviews top level executives, she almost ignores the fitness perspective. Her HR team has done enough diligence to ensure that candidates have the skills and talents to deliver goals. Her focus is really on FIT. Does this person has the passion to do right at her Company? Does this person have the dediction to execute the Company’s mission.

Lastly, she explanted the “Get Back to Zero” concept. And I wish I could draw something here. /—- That is the best picture I can do! But what that is supposed to represent is an incline that represents the learning curve you experience as you move throughout your career. At some point you plateau. Once most people hit a plateau, they are ready to move onto the next job, career, company ect. But what you’ve done is milk a Company for what it’s worth. In an traditional sense of not bouncing Company to Company and instead staying with a Company over the course of your career, once you’ve learned all you can from a Company, it’s time to take it to the next level…to transform it into something new so that you can get back to zero and restart the learning/pleatue.

03/02/2010 Posted by K.I.M. (Keep It Moving) | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Personal Wimper

Almost exactly a year ago I was admitted to the hospital for a week long visit due to intestinal issues.

Well guess what? I’m experiencing extremely similar symptoms that lead me to the hospital. I’m only partially freaking out. What I’m more frustrated about is the fact that I don’t want to burden my mother to come take care of me again. She took off great time and was the best mommy a mommy can be. As a mother, I’m sure there are some things don’t appear as a burden, so perhaps that’s the wrong term – but it’s certainly inconvenient.

In my making it to 28 post, I indicated that God’s great design was that as an adult, when you have issues…it’s your life parter that is supposed to be by your side. I have plenty of friends that would stop by for a visit, but my expectations of a friend are different than that of my imagined significant other. A friend would stop by with a smile and cheer you up. A significant other would make you laugh after you shat on yourself and the nurse had to clean you up. A friend would bring a movie or magazine by. A significant other would sleep on an uncomfortable couch so that you didn’t feel lonely.

I’m toying with the thought that if I am experiencing something that will slap me back in the hospital for another week…not telling my mother. She’s currently having the time of her life in Vietnam and is planning to have her second hip replacement surgery shortly after her return.

I’m a big girl, time to put on my big girl draws.

Then there is that fear of dying or discovering I have a bigger problem, such as cancer. Grrr.

03/01/2010 Posted by K.I.M. (Keep It Moving) | Uncategorized | 1 Comment