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the night kitchen | thoughts on being a family through adoption, and other things
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the night kitchen
thoughts on being a family through adoption, and other things
November 14, 2010
Protected: At long last- the call for proposals for our open adoption symposium!
Posted by cynthia under UncategorizedEnter your password to view comments.
September 15, 2010
This is BIG, people. We’re going to Montana!! Home of Wendell’s birth father Bryce, Grandma Cora, and aunt Cami. We’ve wanted to go since Wendell was a baby, but the distance between our 2 small cities couldn’t be much further (or the plane tickets more expensive) but, well, we’re just doing it. All 4 of us. If we don’t sleep at all because of River then so be it. We all of us need to go, and I believe that Wendell in particular needs his baby brother by his side.
Cora said tonight that her only trepidation was that she wouldn’t be able to let him go, something I can surely imagine. Her grandchildren are all spread out, and this woman seems born to be a grandma, the everyday kind of grandma. I said my only trepidation is that Wendell’s going to be surrounded by so much big adult emotion. But that’s in part why we’re biting the travel bullet and going now. The emotion will only get bigger and more complex with time- that’s what I believe anyway.
I’ll write more about all the factors involved but tonight I wanted to shout it from the rooftops: we’re going to Montana and I could not be more excited!!!
August 23, 2010
Tonight, while doing his kindergarten homework (yes, they have homework. yes, its appalling. tonight, however, he was totally into it and it was very sweet), Wendell said, “Mommy, do you like my skills?”
Me: “Your what?”
Wendell: “My skills. Do you like my skills?”
Me: “Yes Wendell, you’ve got mad skills.”
(note: I drew the hearts are on his hand by request. 2, so that shows how much I love him. so he says.)
August 10, 2010
big kid transitions, and an open letter to Jenna
Posted by cynthia under adoption, my cute son, parenting[2] Comments
As mentioned in the previous post, Wendell starts real school tomorrow. I’m a sentimental wreck. Thankfully I realized what was going on for me a few days ago, otherwise I would have really thought I was losing my mind- and perhaps so would have my family. Somehow the emotions of this have really taken me by surprise.
Wendell is soooo excited, and only a wee bit nervous. I was proud of him for letting the nervousness air itself tonight, because then it faded into the background again. I am sooooo nervous, and only a wee bit excited. That’s not true, exactly. I’m a lot excited, but also…. I don’t even know what the word for this emotion is. I don’t think i’ve experienced it until now. He’s more wonderful than I can stand sometimes.
Because i’m overcome with all emotions relating to Wendell, of course i’m thinking of his first mom, too… and his route to our family through her. I wrote her tonight and am posting it here, too- if only to assuage the feeling that when I write to her, i’m writing into thin air. I know there’s a bittersweet tone in the letter- its not really due to his starting kindergarten, but rather the sadness of getting to reach out to her, but knowing I won’t get a response. I am grateful for what is, and…. well. I’ll just leave it at that tonight. I really am grateful.
Hey Jenna,
I just wanted to let you know that Wendell’s starting kindergarten tomorrow- he’s going to a (public) charter school, so they’re on a slightly different calendar, and start earlier in the year.
Its a new school, but should be great- a lot of the curriculum is focused around the wetlands in Forest Hill park, and growing gardens by the school. Its less than a mile from our house, so we should be able to bike or walk most of the time.
Wendell is so excited- and only nervous enough to have it be cute. Mainly, he really can’t wait. Andrew told him the other night that he thought he had grown, and Wendell said, ” I know. I have. That’s what big boys do before they start kindergarten.”
I saw on your facebook page where you said “whatever’s going on, i’m up for it.” That’s pretty much Wendell, too, so the confidence with which he’s embarking on this next adventure is both no surprise as well as completely amazing to us. We couldn’t be prouder, and I know you would be too, or are already. He is such a shining star.
I’ll send pictures after the big day, but wanted to let you know this transition makes me think of you so much, as all major events in his life do. I hope you can come to know him someday, and vice versa. We’re here whenever- just give a call or email, as always.
I hope everything’s going great for you, Jenna. We all send so much love-
Cynthia
August 2, 2010
Its finally time. Next week my oldest baby goes off to kindergarten. Mainly i’ve been really excited about it but last night I had a mini panic attack and starting worrying about silly details like do I have film for the camera etc. It feels like the end of an era, and I know it is. Ages 2-5 (especially 3-5) had their challenges for sure, but now it feels like we’re entering a new phase. One where he’s more reliably great company but also begins to lose interest in us as the years go on. (We’re not there yet by a long shot but still, i’m no fool.) I’m excited about this new phase of our family life- very excited, actually- but I feel their impermanence so much, too. Is it because the years are marked by grades? He is growing older so unreasonably fast, but I feel like we are, too… hurtling towards middle age, really. I know most people think middle age doesn’t begin until 50 or so, but what? You think you’ll live to 100? I’m fairly sure I won’t. Not well, anyway. This is starting to sound gloomy, and I don’t mean it that way. I’m just feeling the startling passage of time this morning. And the absolute amazingness of my beautiful, sparkling, sturdy and hilarious almost kindergarten age boy. Who I love more than I could ever, ever possible say.
June 24, 2010
-Our kitchen is under renovation. Wendell calls the workers “Sonny and his famous crew,” which shows you how much he adores them. No other comments on how disruptive this is to our little family of 4. It is.
-I went out of town alone with the boys for just 1 night, and ended up spending the night in the ER with River, who developed croup all of a sudden. Brought me back to when he was a newborn with RSV. Not fun. Slightly traumatic.
-I’m overwhelmed with all the things on my plate. I can’t stand having too many things on my to do list- especially when they can’t easily be knocked off. I hate it, hate it, hate it. I can’t stand not having the time to call friends back, or be available to everyone who’s important to me at all times. Its why I can’t have more kids- it kills me when my energies feel split as much as they are right now. Sometimes I work on adjusting that unrealistic expectation. Sometimes I just accept it as an integral part of who I am. Right now i’m between those 2. Like I said, i’m split. Scattered is maybe more accurate.
-I’d like to write more about the murky areas that our open adoptions are existing in right now, but don’t have the time.
-BUT the Open Adoption Symposium IS happening here- September or October of 2011! And Dawn is coming! We got to talk on the phone the other night- which was the first time for me a blog connection turned into a real life one. It was awesome, and I want more. You hear me, Dawn?
Over and out for now.
May 12, 2010
Protected: Expecting siblings
Posted by cynthia under adoptionEnter your password to view comments.
May 9, 2010
happy mother’s day, to all of you
Posted by cynthia under adoption, birthdays and other worthy holidaysLeave a Comment
I’m spending part of the afternoon at a coffee shop, sending mother’s day emails to my sons’ birth mothers. When I told Wendell why I was going to do that- that I share mother’s day with his and River’s birth mothers- he looked up, and said, “Awwww. That’s nice.” Who knows what he meant by that. Because of the lack of communication, I have no idea whether my mother’s day emails are a blessing or a curse for Wendell’s first mom (I’ve felt drawn to do this every year), but I do it anyway. No matter what her circumstance, its hard for me to imagine this can be an easy day. Dawn posted a link to it on facebook, but i’m linking here too. Great writing in the NYT this morning about the complications of mothering in open adoption.
May 3, 2010
a birthday update, of sorts
Posted by cynthia under adoption, birthdays and other worthy holidays, my son's mother, my son's other father[5] Comments
Every time I think i’m going to shut this thing down, I sit down to write. There’s a lesson in that, i’m sure.
Wendell’s 5th birthday happened last week, and it was great. It was the first year I didn’t cry from nostalgia or sentimentality, though I certainly felt those things. I just feel really happy and proud that he’s such an awesome kid. A big ole 5 year old boy.
I decided within the last year to start a book for each of the boys in which I write a letter to them on their birthdays. I’ll give it to them when they’re older, at some randomly decided time that they’re mature. Or mature enough. So that’s where his birthday writing went this year, instead of on this blog or in my even more neglected journal. I’ll attach a picture of him with the millenium falcon we gifted him, courtesy of ebay. I’m pretty sure I love it more than he does, but he still likes it a lot. He also got a baseball bat from his buddy Evelyn- and there he is, swinging away with gusto. There is River also, looking adoringly at his brother, then gazing at me.
We heard from Wendell’s birth father on his birthday. Sort of. He’s really been almost completely out of touch with us since Wendell was born- with a few exceptions- so when I got a text from him that day, I was thrilled. But then it seemed like maybe he didn’t know it was Wendell’s birthday, which was weird. Or maybe he did. Hard to say, because texting SUCKS. More on that “conversation” later, what he texted kind of threw me.
Nothing from Jenna, which was disappointing, given our recent-ish facebook contact. Its the first year I didn’t send her an email on his birthday. Partly, I didn’t have the time. But more significantly, I think, i’m tired of reaching out so much with nothing in return. I need to give more thought to how to handle this in the future, because I don’t want to go to the other extreme of not reaching out at all.
April 10, 2010
I’ve kind of abandoned my blog lately. So here are a few pictures illustrating why. Its just too dang nice outside to have interesting thoughts about much more than bright green leaves, spring flowers, and (mostly) happy children. I’d post the better ones of them running around outside naked, but concerns about privacy tell me I shouldn’t. Alas, they are pretty damn cute.
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the night kitchen