| CARVIEW |
By the Mighty Bug
I try not to write when angry, but Ayesha Omer winning Album of the Year at the Lux Awards is such an atrocious decision that it screams for an instant response.
If one was being charitable, one can say she is an average vocalist with a tendency towards sounding variously hoarse or throaty. Vocally not as bad as Eye to Eye – who is so hopeless that he is entertaining – but if one was being cruel, one could possibly call her “Eye-shah Omer.” Be as it may, I cannot for a minute concede that her singing is better than Sajjad Ali who was also up for the award. I cannot for a minute concede that her lyrics are better than Sajjid and Zeeshan who were also up for the same award. Or her music is more compelling than Dynoman. Or compositionally better or musically more skilled than Usman Riaz.
So one wonders what talent of hers enabled her to win the award. She has supposedly “made deep marks in the field of acting, hosing [sic] and fashion modeling” (https://reviewit.pk/ayesha-omar-launched-her-music-album-titled-as-khamoshi/). Perhaps her talent lies one of those fields; it is certainly lies not in music.
Regarding, the album, I confess I had not heard it. I had heard the song Khamoshi and found it barely passable. When I saw the video (https://www.mp3pill.info/download/mp3/1/khamoshi-by-ayesha-omer.html), I thought it was a song which was made in service of a video. A musician I know accurately called it “zabardasti ka gaana.”
It was so only fair that I checked out the album before writing further. I searched for it and I searched for it. All over Hall Road, Lahore. Apparently even the pirates had not bothered pirating this one: the supposed album of the year is not readily available at the place that supplies all of Lahore. After much searching I did secure a copy. The supplier complained that it hasn’t sold many units. I suspect this is one album whose posters sell more than the album itself. The artwork on the album is its best feature.
Now that I have heard the album, I can still not see any merit to it or to the award. It seems to be an album competently put together by competent musicians for a competent friend or client. There is nothing really terrible about the songs, they are just infinitely forgettable.The fact that there are only 8 songs here gives the impression that either the said musicians ran out of patience. Or the money ran out.
I cannot for the life of me see how this album can be an album of the year. Even if there was no one contesting against her, Ayesha Omer should have still lost for the award. She should have taken a clue from her album’s title track and offered up an album full of ‘Khamoshi.’ It would have been more convincing and less outrageous.
Interestingly she does not seem to have had much involvement in the album other than having sung the songs. The lyrics are so passable that no one has been credit for the same in the album sleeve. The music has been done by others.
I have always thought awards in Pakistan including the Lux awards were nothing more than reacharounds by the various awardgivers to their friends. The more intelligent ones do also at the same time give awards to some actually talented people (Sajjad Ali received a Song of the Year award), so as to give an impression of legitimacy. But Ayesha Omer’s case is the former. Ab unhon nai agar award dai hi diya hai, barra pan yeh ho ga keh wapis kar dain. Keh main iss kai kaabil nahin. Nahin nahin, actually qabil nahin.
On second thought, reacharounds can be acceptable too. But in fields that concern those reachingaround. If all the pretty people want to proceed to congratulate each other they should keep themselves limited to the pretty sides of entertainment. Music surely is not their forte and only the skilled should be awarded.
In the end, the award is also a sad reflection on the utter bankruptcy of Pakistani Music scene. All the stars have given up the ghost at least in so far as albums are concerned. Most artists just did ads (surely adwork can be nominated too now, after all this is Lux awards) or reality shows or Coke Studio. No really outstanding albums of original work came out. Out of the other four nominees for the Best Album award, any of the four would have merited the award more.
For my money, if live albums qualify, the best album of the year was not even nominated: Noori’s poorly distributed Live at the Rock Musicarium was just amazing.
The last word on this piece can possibly be given to a person who was associated to the album. In order to save him embarrassment I will not name him. When I needled him about the album’s success, he retorted: “Aah, (but) who takes the LSA seriously anyways ?”
And that is possibly cue enough for me to end this piece.
By the everprayerful Bug
Kill Hum TV
It was either this or phone in a bomb threat to Hum TV. These plays are killing me. Mrs. Bug has taken over the Boobtube and I can’t watch the latest Federer match and watch the Great Man falter again. Or in the least to race through the earlier rounds and then to fold again. Still, having been deprived of the remote, and with the irritating pointlessly paced plays in the background, I sit here and rant.
To be honest, I do not get the point of these plays. Khamoshiyaan from what I can gather is about guys cheating on chicks and being anguished about it. I don’t get the point. Why anguish? If it is so painful, then don’t do it. And I really do not get the point of doing plays about it too. Cut-and-paste as the plays may be, there is no indication why the guy is cheating as is. If you don’t like it, don’t do it. And then the chick turns out to be psycho and tears up all the guy’s shirts bought for him by his wife and whatnot. Sania Saeed and wassisname just playing around being friends. Man, get a pair. Say your heart and jump the cow. Or not, rather than acting all pained about it.
Either way, it makes me mad to watch Hum TV or have people around me to watch em. Other channels are similarly pointless too. What pray is the point of Royal TV. Does anyone even watch it. Other than people who appear on it. It seems to be B-grade news channel and does a poor job of it by half.
I must say however that my cable is egalitarian though. There are mujras appearing back to back with Q-tv. One can sin and seek forgiveness with a flick of a switch. Or clean one’s plate and then enjoy the worst of lollywood. What also I wonder would be the effect of Picture in Picture. You can have both going at the same time on the Television: would they cancel each other out and one can then watch sinlessly ?
And then again there is my favorite celebrity of all, Dr. Amir Liaqut. If he were any slimier, I would be obliged to send him an honorary Bug degree. Come on admit it: Dudn’t he remind you of the Guru from Goodness Gracious Me. To think that papers actually reported the length of his supposedly supplicant prayers. To think people apparently break down and cry for this internet-degreed doctor (Phd within three months of a Masters degree was it?). One good thing comes of end of Ramadan at least then, no more doses of Dr. Amir’s beaming ever-munificent gob and echo-reverb laced duas at Sehr-o-Iftar.
Nuff venting. Meri mardangi jaag gayi hai. I am off to wrest the remote from Mrs, Bug. I suggest you do the same at your end. Or check out my archive of articles at https://themightybug.wordpress.com. Or drop me a line with an answer to the following query (totally unrelated to him I assure Dr. Amir) that has just occurred to me: If one prays one’s eyes out in good faith led by a faker as a prayer leader, do one’s prayers get accepted, even if one’s choice of prayer leader leaves something to be desired ? Would it not be better to trust oneself and pray directly ?
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Mountains & Molehills
By the Ali Noor approved Bug
Who ate all the Pies
It was certainly not I.
It was certainly not that the thin hot one.
I guess all fingers point to the guitar-armed rotund one. I would be miffed but then again, the duo of Haniya & Zeb make such nice music. Puts me to sleep really. When I go out driving in my car.
For ages I have dreamed for chicks with guitars singing here in Pakistan. Who hasn’t? Man, I thought, that would be so hot. Consider D’Arcy of Smashing Pumpkins. Consider even Alanis or the similarly unfortunate horse-faced Joni Mitchell. Even they made me weak at the knees. Now that we in Pakistan have a chick-a-duo with guitar, I ask you could they have been more asininely ineffectual. I mean the music has been utterly stripped of any edge or for that matter, charm. Consider the racy vid they initially put out. Now consider the pic they put onto the album sleeve from the said video. Looks like an ad for deodarant now, dudn’t it? In still life, the femme dancer is seen to have buried her face into the guy’s armpit while the guy looks up ecstatically thanking the deodarant bestowing gods. Mayhaps I am over-reacting. Mostly likely not.
Really, the music HanZee play is what my khala would play in her CD player. Music for people who go to Peeru’s Cafe. People who listen to MHB. Who used to groove to Enigma. People who use the HZ CD now to show off their stereos in their Prados and whatnots. People who are basically not me.
Sure enough when I first heard their demos ages ago, I was chuffed at the song Chup. And then my buddy Mekaal and others of the musicianly ilk got hold of em. Turned ’em properly musicianly, squeezed the fun out. A note perfect product.
Why, I now hear you ask, then am I writing about ’em if I don’t like. Well basically ‘cuz I support ’em (and all new artists). And yes even their right to be edgeless, if they so choose. I just wish Haniya and Zeb had not. Sorta like the last next-great-thing Arooj Aftab, who reportedly, at last hearing was collaborating with – wait for it – Kami Jee. ’Who ?’ I hear you ask. My point exactly.
(This and many other rants published in these pages may be found at https://themightybug.wordpress.com)
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By the Cricketal Bug
Crickits
Well, it had to happen. This is a piece where I finally try to squash my own. My buddies, music crickets, who normally seek to squash poor musical pretenders. Now we get our comeuppance here.
A while back I wrote a piece where I mentioned a music label which is part of a famous publishing house and which seems to be the only one releasing albums in Pakistan these days. As I noted they seem to get their sister rag to talk up the releases. Ethical ? Canny Business practice ? First there was the lame Strings album that was reviewed to the stars. A 5 star review for an album that really only merited perhaps at most three. Or mayhaps even less. Then I noticed the horridly derivative Rozen had gotten major props too. Coincidentally, they be on the same label too.
And now, I have come across perhaps the most interesting review regarding artists from the same label, printed in a sister rag of our publication (I do say pandering is widespread and I do bite the hand that feeds too; I am after all a bug.) A somewhat evenhanded review methinks, but what really bothered me about the piece was that it was by written by someone who had actually played on the album ! Cowrote Track 10 of the album and then wrote the album review. Talk about failing to bother to appear unbiased. At least when I used to talk up my buddies’ albums I used to have the decency to use a pen-name.
Khair, standards have fallen I guess. But then again perhaps they never were that high in the first place with crickets who ranted about Colas, crickets who raved about ’70 crap prog bands and crickets who were really fangirls and boys working out issues alternately adoring bands or hammering them for attention. Crickits who smugly appear on current news comedy programs. Crickits who can’t stand other Crickits. Crickets who bash consumerism but work for ad firms promoting the same. Crickets who get pseudo philosophical and do get published but no one really gets what they are on about. Perhaps even they don’t get what they are on about. Crickets who write looking down on the reader and write so densely that one has to look up crap. Crickets who are supposedly NFP-clones. Crickets who are not. Crickets who apparently write all the pieces that appear in a weekly rag. Crickets who actually seem to think there exists something known as a music industry and scene and should be taken seriously. Crickits who just write to sort out their personal issues. Crickits who believe this year is the best year ever musically. Crickits who believe that the best year is in the past. Crickits who really want to be musicians deep in their hearts but can’t stand musicians (does that make me self-hating?). Crickits who want to be part of the scene or be seen.
And then, there are lastly crickets like me who just can’t really be bothered. Well until now. Now I am bothered and bugged. Sort of what makes me a bug and not a cricket these days. No one afterall wants to be a cricket when one can be a bug. This is more fun and I can be myself, a bug up people’s noses. A self-aggrandising bug as matter of fact: an archive of all my masterpieces published in these here fair pages can be now found at themightybug.wordpress.com. Bug out.
]]>By the disturbed Bug
In defense of all Ants
People, I am aghast. Mr. Ali HazMat, formerly of Junoon, has made the most vile of videos, a video that promotes violence and rape. Of ants. You know the one I am talking about, the newest Punjabi one called Gallan.
It is a video where poor baldheaded Ali is wandering around heartbroken and a well meaning Ant approaches him to mend his broken heart. Yet poor Ali, being the commitment-phobic man that he is, does what all men do, he runs away. The Ant humiliates herself and runs after him to explain herself. Only he goes and hangs with his buddies. They then get together and assault her. Most violently and kill her in the end. Most amoral unfortunate video ever.
Moreover, I hate the fact that the video glorifies violence against Ants. Now I have heard of all the going ons in all these rockstar apartment – one has apparently been dubbed KFCs from what I hear – and all that goes on in there. But to show it out in the open? In video? I have always been an advocate of my friend Imran Khan’s concept of doing stuff behind close doors. I don’t make videos out of my pecadillos and air it (though I am sure a few of the music channels just might air it). But for Ali to have a video, and to have four against one. Group violation. Bang by Gang. Horrible. Some kid might even take the symbolism of ants to mean you are talking about aunts. Now where would that leave us Mr. Rockstar you ? Where is your sense of social responsibility?
Either that or the video is about the threat of fundamentalism and how we should all unite to fight the same. Either way, it is most unfortunate.
Mr. Azmat, you will never be a bug such as us. Gumby already has the looks down. That Khushfehmi kid is cute, I wouldn’t mind if he joined the Bug Brigade. Until you make a video to apologise, Mr. Ali Azmat, you have lost one Bug fan. Bug off.
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By the Bug
Not everyone is dumb like Imran Khan
I understand that artists are supposed to be sensitive. Perhaps that is why they often offer to knee-cap me when I criticize them (Far be it for me to point out that bugs don’t have knees). But what continues to boggle my mind is that the same artists, the section of our society that purports to be hypersensitive, continues to fail to address a single one of the burning political issues of the day. Not one of them rails against the status quo and national and international political injustices. Yes, admittedly, some artistes take up issues like poverty, education and health (and some even build hospitals) but then again these issues are by their nature apolitical and safe. You, have to understand Mr. Bug, that no sponsor, ever dumped an artist for wanting to educate children or improve public health or dedicating their album to Peace. This cynical may even claim that philanthropy is advisable as it increases an artiste’s marketability. Yet, not one of our artists will get up, scream down the intolerant, the truly corrupt, the war-mongerer or most particularly, our lord and master to the north of Mexico and to the south of Canada. One can not help but admit that there is so much to be outraged in the world today, yet I hear no songs of outrage. One only sees drawing-room inspired philanthropy every once in a while or our biggest band in Asia sometimes making politically correct statements.
Junoon, to their credit, were the only ones that were ever politically relevant. But that too only for some moments and that too some time ago when they raised the slogan of Ehtesab. Even that seems to have died now. The one thing Junoon and other artists needed and need to realize is that causes are not for the moment but they have to be carried through as well. Ishq was poor because it betrayed the faith and sang meaningless pop-pap. Today do they still play Ehtesab? Do they still make statements about the same? Does it matter if people don’t scream for it at their concerts anymore?
Sadly, not only do the artists make controversial statements, but their music these days holds no strong message as well. Even the new brigade of musicians deal with generalities or safe targets. EP’s Hum Ko Aazma took pot-shots at some men in uniform while they let the others go. Noori gives a message that is uplifting and celebrates youth, but once more it is way to general, i.e. yay for being young, let’s jump around and work hard. Yes, work hard, but at what?
Bono of U2 once said that, ‘When one is eighteen one thinks one can change the world. And you know what, at that age; one can quite often do just that.’ Today I find loads of bands covering U2 songs but there are no believers and no takers. At our local Rockfests kids play political songs by Rage against the Machine but only because it is great music to headband to and has choruses with expletives in them. I say it is the saddest thing to see youth show a lack of idealism. Or anger. Or a lack of direction.
I guess one should blame this all on Ghalib. When I was a kid I used to love Ghalib at school and hated reading Iqbal and his message oriented writings. Music today is more about the message of Ghalib and love. With all the bad stuff happening people want to be like Ghalib I guess, apolitical, safe, making pretty music, and concerned with where the next buck comes from. Yet sadly, times have changed and Iqbal has become all the more relevant these days. He may seem dated in his convoluted vocabulary, but his message is truly current. Junoon and Shahzad Roy have attempted to take him on. But Roy-Boy turned him into a fantasy swordplay video and Junoon just chose to deal with him in the most general and commercially palatable manner (Rise up you jawans in Saqinama). Even when other artists of protest (Faiz) are taken up and appreciated, the political element from their message is purged.
I could go on but I fear that I have begun to bug myself. Sorry to be so heavy this week, but this had been bugging me for a while. Life is short. It sure as bug isn’t about penny-anny, lovey dovey, groovey shroovey, candy flavored non-issues. One ought to pick sides and make a point. Write and comment and make your point at KiraMaqora@gmail.com
(Published in Sunday Magazine, Feb 2 2003)
]]>By the Peeved Bug
The Mad Sar from Peshawar
This person does not even merit a full piece, but I guess my irritation is getting the better of me. It is my job to bug people, so it irritated me evermore that this bug from Peshawar took to getting up my nose at a concert in Islamabad. So I shall doubly bash him for encroaching on my territory.
The said concert was organized as part of the Peace (do we really want it?) overtures with India that seem the rage these days and by the fine people of Civil Junction – one of the few people who manage to provide fun in the Wasteland of Islamabad. How they managed to get the ICP building for a rock concert is beyond me, but that in itself was a great feather in their cap. The concert promised performances by Corduroy, Electric March and Surge among others and started up quite well, if a tad late. I was eagerly anticipating the bands as most Isloo artists are more into blues and jazz than simple pop-rock as in Lahore and most of what they do over there has a harder edge than over here in the L-town.
Anyways, Corduroy came on first and rocked. Thereafter halfway through the Surge set which was not all that good and all over the place, the Mad Sar, producer of sorts and co-author of the lightweight pap of Rungg, who was guesting on guitars took over the mic to lambast the management of the event. It was painful to see him stammeringly ramble on about how ‘this is the worst organized concert ever’ (it wasn’t, it was quite excellent) and how Surge were supposed to go on first. Sarmad man, here’s a hint: It is alright to rant if you are good, coherent or have something even half intelligent to say. You had none of the above justifications and should have just shuddup. It was particularly painful to see the Civil Junction manager respond equally stammeringly thereafter rather than ask the band to leave the stage if they had a problem with performing on his stage.
Anyways, it wasn’t just Sarmad who was not great. Surge was an utter disappointment too (though the ten relatives and friends of the band in the crowd did not seem to notice). The band really need to get their act together and jettison their lead singer who while he does have stage presence and the tight jeans to go with the leadman role, he surely does not have the vocal chops (even lesser than Fawad from EP who according to last reports has been improving). The performance was sad to observe as Surge are one of the few bands who dare to be political and at times (when not playing music or in the least with the singer not singing) show a lot of promise (the rhythm section and lead guitars are great though). Here’s hoping this was a one off. Or that one or two from the band get off.
As regards the third bands on show, Electric March was the best thing on view on the night. Zeeshan is far and away the best guitarist in town and my favourite in the country. He plays the blues with the requisite passion and fire, and if only he would stop making such clichéd faces mid-solo, one would be in utter awe. Listen in and forget Zak, Faraz and all others: Shaani (Zeeshan) is the true lord of the strings. You might have even seen him in the Abbas Ali Khan Chori Chori video (he did not play guitar on the recording though.)
Anyways, nuff bitchin’ and backslappin. I pen off now. I remain as ever touchable at KiraMaqora@gmail.com.
(I held on to this piece for a bit thinking it may well have been too mean spirited. But naaah…)
(Published in Sunday Magazine, Daily Times)
]]>Damnation! Shock! Horror! I am aghast at Fakhr-e-Alam’s performance in Akh Wi Larani Ai/Tai Guddi Vi Uraani Ai on heavy rotation on IM these days. Actually, I am more enraged at the performance of the audience. Boys and girls and uncles and aunties cavorting on beach cum dance floor to live music and all of this being shown to impressionable minds all over the country on IM (yes, even in the Frontier, home of all that is right and Islamic these days). What message would teenyboppers and toddlers (particularly them impressionable girls) waiting for the latest Noori/EP video take from this public display of inappropriateness? Don’t the IM people and all these dancers know that yeh India nahi hai, yeh Pakistan hai? Is this what Baba Quaid-e-Azam and Bibi Fatima Jinnah made Pakistan for? Painful memories of the infamous Vital Signs performance with all those girls swaying with arms up in the air to the band’s music have come rushing back to mind. Back then I was a toddler bug but my sense of decency (Lahoriness I guess as my Karachi cousins didn’t seem to mind) was all enraged and worked up: I actually went ahead and sent a letter of protest to Taalim O Tarbiat and Pakistan Television and I would like to think that it was my contribution that got these godless displays banned on public television. As for all this now, I think there is cause to start the movement again. once more unto the breach, my friend. Or at least that is what a part of me thinks.
Infact, I am, in all such matters, seeking guidance from the General Bug, Mush the Man, who seems to have gone Mullah all of a sudden. He is quite bugged these days I hear with LFO, ISI, JUI and whatnot but he is still sometimes, when not wooing MMA, prone to making some liberal concessions. Consequently, I herewith make mine: If, at all, men and women need to get down and dirty on the dance floor, they ought to do so in a segregated manner. Boys on one side, and girls on the other, dancing with themselves if they have to. It is the only proper and moderate way of doing things. I offer my services to act as a buffer between the two wings in further beach parties. Invitation and info as to time and place may kindly be sent to me at KiraMakora@hotmail.com
Actually, in addition to my reaction to the audience, I am aghast at Fakhr-e-Alam’s performance too. Rather I am aghast at the fact that I liked it. There isn’t any other man so musically talent less who has managed to do so much with what little he has. The poor man can’t sing, yet he still dares to do so. The poor man irritates and yet he has made a career out of it. And talk about putting up one’s own singing for ridicule with confidence. First he released the Falam Connection album and when that did not adequately do the job, he re-released the same material in his latest Ab Tak, a greatest hits collection. Like Ali Azmat, it is his confidence and wise cracks that I feel hold him in good stead and carry the day for him. Plus maybe some good sponsorship deals. He himself however, is still behind the curve in that he hasn’t clued into the fact that mixing Urdu with English is now so passé.
As for his future course of action, I suggest philanthropy. Fakhr can now proceed to make a hospital or a school or maybe a music school or a music hospital to become even more irritating. Fellow hypocrites regarding my proposed anti-dance ban may write in mails of support at KiraMaqora@gmail.com Fakhr may not.
(Published in Sunday Magazine, June 1 2003)
]]>By the New Improved Bug
(same as old Bug)
Pappu laughing
To all of you Johnny (and Jane) Come Latelys: I would like to remind you that I was the first one. The original one. I started it. And much as it gives me much pleasure to see the seed I planted thriving, give me my props too. Junoon bashing is currently at its peak now with the expected release of their latest and what is generally now anticipated to be their weakest album Dewar (songs and snippets are available at https://www.junoon.com and all over the net for preview.) The Junoon forum at PakistaniPopMusic (www.pakistanipopmusic.co.uk) is proudly home to most of it. Junoon’s own forum is not being mostly just lost in its own world and more concerned with pointless displays of worship: consider that a post at the Junoon official forum is titled “I drove Salman Ahmad’s car today…. Yay !!!”.
By the few songs and snippets I have managed to hear it appears tat the slide started with Ishq has now turned into a deep hole. Evidence seems mounting that Salman is bereft of inspiration (only so many Led Zep riffs to rip off), Ali is ready to jump ship (he appears to be the only one with enough talent left to climb out of the hole and already has a solo site up at https://www.aliazmat.com) and Brian is otherwise distracted. The titles of the songs on the album show immediately make one apprehensive about the lack of fire, spirit or imagination in the songs. The titles doing the round are Sapnay (remember Khawab), Ghalib (Mirza?), Jhoolay Lal (haven’t they already done this?), Ghoom Tana (hey, some imagination here), Yadon Ki Baarish (are u kidding me? Sounds like my mum’s old Mukesh and Mohammad Rafi CD titles), No More (putrid, for details see past articles), Garaj Baras (excellent, by Ali and already been released once before), Maza Zindagi Ka (on par with the butchery that was Pepsi Pepsi Pakistan), Hungama, Tara Jala, Pappu Yar Tang Na Kar and Dewar (certainly has possibilities). In response, here are a handful of titles I am coming up with as I write this which I propose are so much better and so much more relevant than the best J-boys have come up with. Bush, Mush aur Main; 9/11; Coke main aur meri rooh; Main acha hoon kyonkai main NY Times mai chapta hoon; WMD; Mera Gana Hai Main Gaoon Ga; Gori Pepsi Na Pi; Bas aik album aur; Gimme Sal Gimme Gimme; Nahin Main Nai Solo Album Karna Hai; etc. Junoon baiting aside the one thing that continues to rankle me is how has all the anger has died with these angry young men? Guess, they just got old (Sal is 40 something now I hear). Pity. They were great once.
Anyways back to the album. All the elements of a band on the berge of a breakup are here. Apparently, Sal has gone the way of ego laden guitarmen who have insisted on singing despite not being able to. Just as Oasis often suffers from Noel Gallagher insisting to sing songs he penned, herein Junoon which has possibly the most explosive and expressive (if not at times technically correct) singers of them all in Ali Azmat, still chooses to go with Salman singing on no less than three songs. They have even called in Ali Noor to sing on a song and all of that makes one wonder who is riding whose coattails ? Since parting ways with Gumby, the word is that there are no live drums on the album. And by what I have heard it rips the guts out of the band. Lastly, the folly of all bands about to breakup: they take on critics and imitators in song (rember GNR and Get in the Ring?) J’s Pappu Yaar Tang Na Kar may have been aimed at the critics and third rate Junoon copyists, but turns out lame. The lyrics however are quote worthy: naa sadiyaan toon nakalan utaar /pichan hutt sadee cher naa guitar /tenu chare saw (100) variyan bukhar(fever) /kadee howay tera bera naa par / ohh papoowa /papoo yaar tung na kar…” Pappu however it seems is indeed developing a fever laughing himself silly to the hospital at the lame lame effort.
Lastly, with Junoon turning toothless it is nice to see the father critic bug, NFP raise his head from his haze again and shout out at https://www.chowk.com. With his column Café Black, he seems to have moved away from music and more into politics but not by much. He is as ever readable, nothwithstanding self aggrandizing blurbs (who does he think he is ? me?)
One last blurb: I am incensed by banners appearing all over the city loudly proclaiming that Mush has not sold us out to Bush (and that too cheaply). Talk about having a guilty conscience. I know all of us so apathetic to care one way or the other, but must we have to deal with such blatant and shameless banners? I am still waiting for all of you to plant a banner in my support across the mall. Plans may be emailed to me at KiraMaqora@gmail.com.
(Published in Sunday Magazine, 27.07.2003)
]]>Woah! For a scary moment there, it seemed like I had run out of topics to whine about. After all, there is only so much this bug can whine about commercialism, lack of brains or application thereof, horrid lyrics and fat people on the scene. And then lo and behold, an album found its way to me which, to my utter amazement, contains all these irritants and so many more.
Shehzada Faisal’s College Ki Larki is an album that is so bad it is good. It is worth having because (1) it marks the nadir of Pakistani pop music (it makes Avish and Saleem Javed look good) and (2) it will (unintentionally) make you laugh uncontrollably. One need just look at the cover and the chubby Prince’s munificent smile and one starts feeling lightheaded. One can then turn over the CD and just read the titles alone to get a feel of the album: College ki larki, Ideal Ki Talaash, Larkiyon ka college, Pyaar Hua, Pyaar hogaya, Pyaari pyaari larkiyan, Roop ka jalwa, Sarak ke kinaare, Soni ji kuri, Shaadi ka iraada and Uss larki ko. If all of these do not make you laugh at the sub-mental and lack of intelligence (note that there is a song titled Pyaar Hua and another titled Pyaar Hogaya) then consider that there is a song titled Larkon ka Sapna on it as well. Mayhaps it be an attempt to cater to boys who swing the other way?
For a moment I thought that this just might be the ultimate lafantar album available this side of Ibrar, which may just be a good thing. But then one listens to it and all of that excitement melts away. The less said about the putrid nature of the album the better. What ultimately remains stunning is that the Shahzada had to collaborate with his brother Altamash (who according to their website ‘bulbs [sic] up the feelings and emotions of the New Generation in a very impressive and affective way’) to come up with such pap. One person can be misguided but two? The album is complete in the sense that it is complete crap in every way. The liner notes provide a good enough reflection of where Shahzada Faisal is coming from: the Pyaara Pyaara Larka on the album sleeve talks about his inspiration: “Words from Shahzada Faisal: the day I remember when I placed my sweet little fingers on my sweet little piano which my father brought it for me just for entertainment. I was only three years old when the first tune which comes out of it hits my heart. I discove [sic] a new world with new dimensions. This is the world of music. I entered into this world and forgot my existing world. Even I forgot myself.”
Suffice it to say that this album is a sad creation. What is sadder still is that it was recorded at Mekaal Hasan’s Digital Fidelity Studios and even Mekaal, the self proclaimed guru of serious art and who is usually quite outspoken (normally behind people’s backs), did not bother to tell poor Shahzada off. Guess even musical gurus have to make a quick buck.
Lastly, the album really makes one wonder what was precisely in our Prince’s mind when he was releasing it. I imagine the Shahzada tried his hand at re-inventing himself as a great lothario. For my money, for all the Pakistani money in Switzerland, he fails. Shahzada Faisal can write to me and explain what precisely made him inflict this album upon the world or, as his own case may be, to release this chick magnet of an album. Did it work? I can as ever be found at KiraMakora@hotmail.com All of you can of course write to him at shahzadafaisal@hotmail.com or phone him (first(?) artist to supply his phone number on the album sleeve) and complain if you spent some money on the album. He even has a site at https://www.shahzadafaisal.com . Penning off, I know the poor Shahzada was too easy a target. Next article, I promise to take on some giant of the industry. I hear Fakhr-e-Alam may be working on another album of songs. Maybe I’ll do him. For now, me is out of here.
(Published in Sunday Magazine,-Jan 12 2003)
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