The Fresh Cracker

Welcome, welcome.

You’ve stumbled upon the ramblings of a 30-something klutz whose life is a series of interesting and mind-boggling events.

I have silly crushes on “old rock guys” like Mike Patton and Henry Rollins.

I collect skeleton keys and eat too much junk food.

I walk around cemeteries just to look.

I am a rabid bibliophile.

Sometimes, I feel like a combination of Ignatius Reilly and Holden Caulfield, except in female form.

I find a lot of merit in toilet humor and don’t mind talking about it. Same goes for anything Beavis and Butthead related.

People have said that I’m the most liberal Christian they’ve ever met. Hm. Probably.

I was a really cute kid, even though I kind of looked like an elf (see photo. siblings removed to prevent their embarassment.)

I like horror movies and buying new shoes.

I cuss a lot when I drive. A lot.

I take myself way less seriously than I used to and it’s made me exponentially happier.

I haven’t had a boyfriend in ages and I’m surprisingly okay with that.

You wouldn’t believe the shit I encounter every day. And by “shit” I mean “random and amusing events”, because my life is anything but shitty.

Fasten your seatbelt.