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| CARVIEW |
To begin, let’s start with the term “Ant Farm”. It’s otherwise known as a formicarium, a container habitat that “approximates” a natural environment. It’s made of clear plastic or glass allowing us to watch the behavior of the ants, the social hierarchies, physical structures (like tunneling and chamber making), dynamics with the queen, the life cycles of the ant colony.
I wonder if the ants know that their farm is the approximation of a natural environment or if they carry on as they would in any old environment without witnesses and walls? Are we watching the ant adaptation to a thin-world-construct? Are we watching an ant performance?
I imagine we place ourselves much higher on the critter hierarchy pyramid than the ants. It brings to mind a quote from E.O. Wilson, a brilliant man who studied ants: “If all mankind were to disappear, the world would regenerate back to the rich state of equilibrium that existed ten thousand years ago. If insects were to vanish, the environment would collapse into chaos.”
We are unique in our hubris. We are startling in our blindness.
These days it makes me wonder what larger consciousness plays witness to our behavior in our approximation of a natural environment. Doesn’t it sometimes feel like we are in a the subjects of an experiment? How many freedoms will we surrender, how many horrors will we tolerate before we challenge the unnatural delusion of supremacy? Would we rather erase ourselves than to recognize our natural interdependence? In the past 75 years in our ant farm, in an evolutionary step in consciousness, we’ve acknowledged our need for each other and created societal structures like NATO.
250 years ago an evolutionary idea took one giant step forward. It is called democracy in diversity, a society – an ideal – where the many participate together as one.
Will we step backwards into the fallacy of supremacy and collapse our farm? Will we thump our chests and erase ourselves? Or will we root out the diseased minds and delusional leaders, dismantle the false hierarchy and recognize our utter need for each other and our interdependence with our environment?
Who is watching whom?
Kerri’s albums are available on iTunes and streaming on Pandora
read Kerri’s blogpost about THE ANT FARM
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“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” ~ Plato
And aren’t we now witness to a real tragedy. A president and his party desperately afraid of the light of truth. They pretend bravado, they posture as leaders, all the while terrified of shining a light on the Epstein files. Their dance is a dance of distraction. Their abject fear of light shining on their darkness makes them monstrous. They throw shadows on the wall in an attempt to divert attention from the files.
We have “happy lights” strategically placed all over our house. During the dark days of winter these lights lift our spirits much as a campfire might if we were lost in the deep woods. Firelight repels shadow monsters. Happy lights repel sadness monsters. In the dark of early morning, after plugging in the coffee pot, I plug in the happy lights.
Plato wrote an allegory about prisoners’ chained in a cave. They mistake shadow for reality. One of the prisoners escapes and learns that the shadows are not the truth. He returns to the cave excited to share his discovery with the other prisoners and is met with hostile rejection. The others have grown accustomed to their chains and comfortable in their ignorance. It’s an allegory appropriate for MAGA and perfectly describes the propaganda-Fox casting shadow-monsters on the wall.
In Minneapolis and other cities, people of color are afraid to leave their houses. There are real monsters, masked and armed, roaming the streets. Although these monsters are not themselves shadows their minds are awash in them. Comfortable ignorance is a cancer that metastasizes as darkness in the heart. There are other people who do not fear the light, in fact they are bringers of the light, delivering groceries to the people in hiding, blowing whistles to alert the neighborhood of the presence of the monsters. They film the monsters. Their whistles and their cameras are forms of light. The sound is an alarm calling attention to the monsters, calling in the communal light. The cameras serve to lay bare the dark shadowy lies the monsters claim as truth.
I have hope that these bright lights will one day repel the masked monsters roaming the streets, monsters grown comfortable in their chains and ugly in their ignorance. Orks.
These bright lights, gathering together all across Minneapolis, the nation and the world, stoking the bright light of freedom and truth, will one day overwhelm the republican/authoritarian darkness and expose the ugliness that their leaders so desperately fear and work so hard to hide.
read Kerri’s blogpost about HAPPY LIGHTS
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Thirteen years into our relationship, ten years after we said, “I do,” I learned something new and startling about Kerri: she used to be a woman who wore hats.
The woman I know refuses to put on a hat. She makes a wrinkly face when I suggest she try on a hat. Even in the bitter cold she resists the warmth of a stocking cap until frostbite is imminent. She is not a woman who wears hats. She is a woman who openly disparages herself-in-hats.
Imagine my surprise, then, when in the process of cleaning out her studio closet, she pulled out multiple hat boxes. In each box, was – wait for it – a delightful hat!
It must have been the look of shock on my face that propelled her to take a step back in time and model the hats. Donning the first hat she was instantly sassy. The next made her buoyant. She turned up the brim. She pushed a hat to the back of her head. She cocked one to the side. Each hat evoked an attitude. Each hat summoned a story. A performance. An event. A meeting. A fundraiser. A photo shoot…a playful spirit.
The hats liberated her like a mask liberates an actor. Each had a unique personality and the power to infuse her with its magic persona. I saw a bit of Diane Keaton, a shade of Audrey Hepburn. I laughed and clapped at each performance. I admired the power of the hats.
In time, the hats were restored to their boxes. The woman who does not wear hats returned. She told me that it was time to move them on, to sell or donate the hats. To make space.
When we first met, in a conversation about change, she told me that she believed people do not change, rather, they become more of who they are. The masks fall away. Time and experience erodes the fortress. The armor falls off. The hats return to their boxes. What remains is beautiful just as it is, just as it always has been.
*****
(Snark Alert) And then there’s this: if you are, like me, trying to make sense of the AWOL Republican party, there can only be one of these three options for their unwillingness to do their jobs and uphold their oath to the Constitution: 1) They all appear prominently in the Epstein Files. 2) They are like their leader: puppets for Putin. Or 3) They are stealth fascists who never really believed in Democracy in the first place and had no intention of serving the Constitution. To continue supporting this authoritarian madman is political suicide yet they remain silent and, therefore, complicit. They either already know that there will never again be free and fair elections so there’s no need to worry about their precious seat – or see numbers 1 through 3 above. What else? If you see any other explanation I’d love to hear it.
read Kerri’s blogpost about HATS
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It’s only been in the past year that I’ve regularly doubted what I write. More than once over these several months I have questioned the worth of my words – and then pulled my post. The scrubbed posts are political rants about injustice or hypocrisy or my disdain for the enablers of rising authoritarianism. It feels good to spew bile when being force fed so much toxic waste from the rancid remnants of the grand old party. But do I need to share it? After a bit of time and reflection I realize that my need was to rant, to get it out of my mind – but that does not mean you-out-there need to swallow yet another dose of toxin from me.
We started writing ahead because it gave us time to refine and edit. It gave us time to develop our ideas. We’ve found that there is a danger of writing a week in advance: the assault on our nation by our government is happening so fast that our reflections are yesterday’s news by the time that they are published.
Kerri listened to my latest struggle. I had written yet another rant and felt that this particular thought-vomit had merit. I wrestled with my desire to post it. She quietly brought me back to the ground. She acknowledged the darkness, both within me and in the world, and reminded me that my walk on this earth is a pilgrimage toward the light. She asked me to consider whether or not my words were better spent helping others in this time of darkness to also step toward the light. I dumped my post. I felt relieved.
I was thoroughly admonished by my “weekly statistics”. Of particular concern to the algorithm-police was the rapid decline in my amount of screen time. It’s way down. It’s true. I am spending less and less time hurtling down the social media causeway. I am finding that alternate reality mind-numbing and increasingly less healthy. After all, the point is to keep me hooked. I am aware of the constant wash of anger and anxiety, the designer drug called fear-of-missing-out.
Every time we hit the trail, every time I turn off my phone, I feel as if I slowly come back to my senses. I re-enter the world of actual importance. I re-enter the world of living breathing 3-D humans instead of the flat-Stanley world of screen-names tossing bombs or affirmation at each other. We pass real people on the trail. We feel their presence. We say, “Hello”.
We stopped in awe when the winter sun electrified the pine needles. Just for a moment we entered timeless space, the place beyond the noisy insanity and manufactured division. Awash in the warmth of winter light we knew – beyond all doubt – that all everything we needed was right there, waiting for us in the natural order of the real world.
read Kerri’s blogpost about PINE NEEDLES
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“I wish it didn’t have the number 47 on it,” she said of the painted clay plate. “It ruins it for me.” We launched into a conversation about all the nitty gritty things that the authoritarian wannabe and his grotesques have ruined for us. The word “great”. The color red. The word “ice”. The Republican party. The office of the President. The Supreme Court. The word “tremendous”. It is a very long list. It includes family relationships. It includes having an iota of respect for anyone who supports him or makes excuses for him or justifies the horror show that he’s unleashed; it includes the systems (people) that seem unwilling or incapable of stopping what they know to be putrid. He leaves his stink on all of us.
It includes my understanding of the word “tolerance”. I have long believed it is important to stand in the shoes of “the other person”. I now have an asterisk next to the word “tolerance”: there are some shoes that are too ugly to stand in. There are some points of view too toxic to entertain. I’ve found within me the absolute necessity for intolerance and I cannot express how profoundly sad that makes me.
And then there is the contrast principle, the nitty gritty things that fill me with hope. I will never see a whistle in the same way. The word “taco” is forever altered. I am in awe of people dedicated to peaceful protest in the face of a gestapo that antagonizes them. The word “protest” has come to mean so much more than I understood. Phrases like “due process” and “habeas corpus” are now three-dimensional and brimming with importance. Amidst the utter cowardice of the major media, the phrase “a free press” carries renewed significance. An actual free press is rising among the progressive independent media. The word “truth” is no longer generic. I’ll now forever equate the word “courage” with people running out of their homes to protect their neighbors. “Protect”. People organizing to reclaim decency and to demand integrity in our leaders. “Organizing”. So many words finding gravity in this time.
I no longer take the word “democracy” for granted. It is forever changed, enlivened. I understand the word “vote” as one of the most powerful actions a human being can take. Deciding who represents us, our values and will steward our shared dream. And, if our representatives betray our trust, we vote to remove them and replace them with someone more capable. Someone with “integrity”. Yet another nitty gritty word that has renewed meaning.
Vote. Integrity. Democracy. Truth. Decency. Shared values, like “equality”. These are the nitty gritty: the basics, the essentials, the essence. These “words” are the most profound gifts that members of our community can give to each other. In these times, they are the epicenter of what we must claim and protect for each other.
read Kerri’s blogpost about THE PLATE
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In one of the more absurd chapters of my life I was awarded a full-ride scholarship to a graduate program in costuming. As an undergraduate student in the theatre with a focus on acting and directing I’d spent a goodly amount of time in costume shops, sewing buttons, repairing shoes, badly hemming pants. It is fair to say that anything that involves fabric makes little to no sense to me. Many dear and patient costumers kept me busy during my required costume hours with tasks that I could not bungle. They found my level of competence (very low) and helped me succeed there.
My capacity to draw opened the door of costume absurdity. While interning at The Walden Theatre in Louisville, Kentucky, the director cast me as Oberon in a production of A Mid Summer Night’s Dream. She also asked me to design the costumes. She’d seen my drawings. I was delighted and drew characters with absolutely no idea whether or not my drawings could be translated into actual garments that people could wear. The very gifted head of the costume shop recognized my vast limitations and gently helped me make fabric decisions. I learned the art of the question from her. She knew what was best – and I knew nothing at all – so her questions were precise with the correct answer baked into the framing of the question.
One day a man came to audition actors for a graduate program. The audition room was lined with my costume designs. After the auditions he found me and asked me to interview with the tech faculty of the university. It was a crazy idea, a wild hare, but I did it anyway. At the time my ship had no rudder and there was nothing on my horizon following my internship. Plus, I believed there was no way, given my very very low costume competence, that they’d offer me a spot. But they did. And I accepted.
When Kerri resurrected her box of clothes-patterns it surfaced my long forgotten time in graduate school as a costume designer. I could draw and design everything. I couldn’t construct anything. More than once I reduced my professors to tears of laughing-disbelief at my attempts to sew. More than once I stopped them in their tracks with my capacity to imagine and paint. I began that year believing I was on the wrong path – I knew I was never going to be a costume designer – and I ended the year having learned that there is no such thing as a wrong path. Those good people, the incredible artists that surrounded me each day, helped me see and embrace my gifts. They helped me laugh at my foibles. They helped me understand the great creative power – and necessity – of pushing on a limit and stepping into an unknown. They helped me find my way.
Kerri’s albums are available on iTunes and streaming on Pandora
read Kerri’s blogpost about THE PATTERNS
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