Category Archives: Tony

November 23, 2008 · 11:11 am

The Alligator Tale

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If TB ended the strip after the throw-away panels, I’d have gone about my Sunday business with a smirk. Unfortunately the afterglow is abruptly halted by the rest of the strip. It turns out that Tony’s golfing buddies have to contend with much more than heat stroke and osteoporosis. Yes, my friends. I’m talking about threesomes golfing with a single golf cart. Who gets to walk? Who has to labor much more than the others? I’m sure it was an ugly discussion, but hopefully Tony is the one riding in style. As for what’s in Funky’s hand…is that tobacco?

5 Comments

Filed under Crazy Harry, funky, Rachel, Tony

November 15, 2008 · 9:59 am

Menu Shooters

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Never one without terrible ideas, Tony’s outgoing request is for Funky to create a new menu item. The combination of iceberg lettuce and cheap vodka? Tony is betting that the concoction will appeal to customers while repelling Funky’s alcoholic urges. As much as I’d like to laugh at the ‘salad shooter’ gag, this and this appear to be living proof that vodka and lettuce don’t mix. So what’s the deal? The smart money is on Tony having an ‘extra’ truck of vodka that needs cleaning out. He never thought ‘retirement’ could be this lucrative. So long, Tony. See you next summer.

18 Comments

Filed under funky, Les, Tony

November 14, 2008 · 12:57 pm

Express Delivery

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As the snow piles up, the bags are packed and Tony is on his way to a winter of shuffleboard, bingo, and whatever else it is that retirees do in Florida. Funky sends him off with an offer to make sure that any forgotten belonging will be send post haste. Unfortunately for Crazy Harry, it means his local snail mail service gets skipped. What’s up with that? Did Crazy Harry hope for a nice long road trip to Florida? Damn. There goes the escapist storyline we all hoped for.

8 Comments

Filed under Crazy Harry, funky, Tony

November 12, 2008 · 10:33 am

South

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After roughly 4 months and ten days, Tony realizes that his stay in Westview has been overextended. It’s a quick exit, but we had some good times: A pizza intervention, market strategy session, and…yesterday when Tony saw what turned out to be a snowflake. I guess the nearby municipal airport shuts down at the first hint of precipitation. Ah, if only all annual character appearances were this brief and clean. Tony got off lucky. The next one? Perhaps not so lucky.

9 Comments

Filed under Crazy Harry, Les, Tony

November 11, 2008 · 10:06 am

Death From Above 2008

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Tony takes the sweeping outdoors where the falling leaves can only mean one thing in the ever tortured Westview: Somebody gonna die. Whatever it is that caught Tony’s eye can’t entirely be good. Sure we’d like to pretend this is the whimsical hey-day of the 70’s and the talking computer is making its first skydive…but this is the alternate reality 2000’s. The reality is that TB had the decency to not draw a lifeless Wally ejected from Taliban aircraft. What is the Taliban doing in US Airspace? Well…we never said TB completely abandoned whimsy, right? Happy Veterans Day, everybody.

16 Comments

Filed under Tony

November 10, 2008 · 9:42 am

Senility = Loads of Laughs

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Whether squeezed by the recent decline of the economy, making sure that Funky doesn’t have a pizza relapse, or just plain confused, Tony remains in Westview. Today’s strip finds him sweeping shop to the tune Aquarius…except he’s saying ‘aquarium.’ The lyrical slip could be an honest mistake that may hint to senility…or maybe he’s trying to tell Les to actually do something about the algae-filled boxes behind the counter; subtlety wasn’t always his thing.

11 Comments

Filed under Crazy Harry, Les, Tony

September 19, 2008 · 9:16 am

…and everything is gonna be alright?

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Set-Up: The proof is in the pudding, or pizza as it were, with Funky wondering that the hell kind of pie sits in his left hand.  Makes you wonder about the last time he actually tasted his own pizza.  Cinch it up with a seemingly logical pun and there you have it.
Punchline: Wait. Funky’s been spreading himself among the pizzas?

The pizza intervention concludes and based on Holly and Les’ shared smirk, Funky learned his lesson. That’s just great. No emotional breakdown, no big reveals, just a realization that his product sucks…and the NYC operation is still open? Funky has some work to do. Get yourselves ready for some innovation.

23 Comments

Filed under funky, holly, Les, Tony

September 18, 2008 · 8:48 am

The Gut Check

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Set-Up: We’ve reached the point where those who care make the addicted take a good look in the mirror in hopes they realize how far they’ve deteriorated.  In this case, Tony called each of Montoni’s former suppliers to get just enough to produce a single pizza crafted with the same love that his father used to make Montoni’s a Westview icon.  Without immediately comparing it to the current product, can we assume it is indeed better?
Punchline: Whatever.  I’ll take anything to block the smell of Harry’s hair shirt.

There’s some equivocation here.  If Funky produced such a shitty product, how was he able to successfully establish satellite franchises?  If this is to mean that a bad Montoni’s product is comparable to your typical Little Caesars, Papa Romeos or even Pizza Extreme…is that such a bad thing?  Funky is making money and that’s what matters.  Keep your eyes on the bottom line, folks.  It’s called business.

16 Comments

Filed under Crazy Harry, funky, holly, Kahn, Tony

September 15, 2008 · 9:06 am

Another Funky Intervention

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Set-Up: The sun has long gone down on this day where Funky, whom ironically happens to not be at work, is called back into work to meet with Tony. Upon entering the dining room he finds a group waiting to speak to him. Tony, Holly, Les, Khan (of whom has been MIA for a while), and Crazy (a non-employee).
Punchline: The Intervention: A Funky Winkerbean Tradition!!!

Unless there is another issue we don’t know about (besides the alcoholism and workaholism) this is most likely going to be about Funky’s business model. Sure he may be skimping on the ingredients to increase the profit margins, but that’s why you go into business in the first place. Still I have to remind you that this is FW; cheap tomatoes and black-market olives likely led to many deaths in the area.

16 Comments

Filed under Crazy Harry, funky, holly, Kahn, Les, lisa, Tony

July 6, 2008 · 9:05 pm

The Secret Word

Would a Winkerbean by any other name be as sweet?

The setup: Toni Tone Tony Montoni, doing his best Hedley Lamarr, throws down the gauntlet. Funky’s ruthless cutting of corners has gone too far.
The punchline: Solution? Intervention!

Ah, yes. The more things change, the more they stay the same. While one wonders how exactly Funky built Montoni’s into a multi-state franchise chain of stores on the back of an inferior product and remote micromanagement, Tony’s eye as ever is on the real bottom line: the product that bears his name. If the big Montoni, with his questionable judgment, lax leadership and old age senses something awry, then something definitely smells bad–dare we say, Funky–in Westview.

The comeuppance that TB began telegraphing months ago may finally be in the offing. Then again, it’s hard to argue with Harriet Dinkle’s Vegas odds on Monday bringing a new and unrelated storyline.

2 Comments

Filed under Crazy Harry, funky, Les, Montoni's East, pizza, Tony