Ramblings of a Wandering Mind

9:52PM

I can't believe it, I'm getting married!!!!

12:42PM - Thanks for this one, Jess. :-)

I am: Alfred Bester A pyrotechnic talent who put only a small portion of his energy into writing.

9:14AM

He told me he loved me last night..

More on the funeral and my trip to Utah later. :-)

2:26PM

My grandpa, Kim's dad, died this morning. I'm heading back sometime this week for the funeral.

11:03AM

Anshu and I spent most of the weekend together. We decided that neither one of us is quite sure what to make of the fact that so much is happening between us that we didn't expect. There is clearly something more than just physical attraction, but we don't know what exactly that is. He's worried that we're too different, that I won't like him once I know about the parts of his life that are more boring and mundane and monotonous than when I see him to go out and play. I told him that I like the fact that we're different, that's partly what attracts me to him, and that the only way we'll both know if I like those parts of his life is if I get to see them. The conclusion was that we needed to spend more time together, just feeling things out, so I drove up to Davenport Friday afternoon and we spent Friday night and most of Saturday together.

We watched a movie, went shopping, bought Halloween costumes and he cooked Indian food for me (he's a really good cook, which is awesome). We also just spent time chatting and relaxing and enjoying one another's company. I came back to Iowa City at 7ish on Saturday, because he needed to study and I told my friends I would spend time with them. We watched Grey's and went to bed around 1.

I woke up at 4 am to a knocking on my window. He had driven the hour from Davenport at 3 am because he missed me :-). He crawled into bed and we spent an hour talking about us, about how we see each other and where this might be going. He said that he's falling for me. I think I am for him, too. This whole situation terrifies me, but at the same time I wouldn't trade it for the world.

Current mood: happy

1:50AM - Things I can do (from Jess' LJ)

Things I can do, wish I could do, and can't/don't care to do...

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Current mood: calm

10:34PM - My first round of paper gems.. and I'm only a quarter of the way into grading. :-)

Interesting Teaching Techniques (I'm beginning to wonder about the tendencies of some of my students...):

"My friend, let's call him Pete, smokes reefer every day. Everyone knows that it causes people to be incapacitated and unable to focus. Using operant conditioning, I would punish him by burning him with a lighter."

"I decided to take it upon myself to do something that I was in no way licensed or trained to do and see how things turned out . . . Every time he would do anything that wasn't studying I would shoot him several times with an air-soft gun. . . . However, after spending so much time scheming and carrying out this plan, I had failed most of my classes and was therefore kicked out of the University."
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Miscellaneous Tidbits:

"Learning is behaviors that are being observed through our experiences."

"I have decided to be a good friend and prevent her from flunking Calculus."
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The BEST TYPO EVER (or is it a typo?):

"I was able to study or learned my friend's behavior toward testes..."
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Wonderful Prose:

"[The first paragraph of the paper] Thomas G. Wilder looks up from his shriveled quiz and whispers to me: 'It's eight already, I'm about to fall asleep.' As much as I agree with him, I grunt a reply and move on to question twenty, happy iwth myself that English Words is such an easy three-credits, despite being a stretched-out night course. Tommy is still struggling with the front page. By struggling, I mean a hapless heap of hair buried deep within two chubby arms, trying to make sense of the matching section. . . .
[The last paragraph of the paper] Thomas Wilder turns in his crumpled test, looking at me with that blank stare. His shoulders hanging, and his eyes barely open, Tommy frowns at our eighty-year-old professor. I give him a thumbs-up, and knowingly smile back. There is yet work to be done on you, buddy."

Current mood: amused

11:40PM - General update.

I figure I hadn't posted for awhile, so I thought I'd give you the bullet-point updates from my life in the last month:

1) Anshu and I had a really long talk about the Match thing, and our relationship, and how we see each other down the road. It was a really good thing, although incredibly uncomfortable at the time. I'm trying really hard to get over my stupid intimacy issues, and he's noticed, and is really encouraging. I think that this relationship may have potential, although it's too soon to say. He did invite me to go to Chicago with him in November while he has training, and I said of course I wanted to go. His hotel is a block and half away from Oprah's studios.. I wonder if it would be terrible if I went to go see her film a show.. He also has training in Chicago in April, and he asked me to go with him then, too. I kind of hesitated, and he said, "That's too far in the future to plan, isn't it? See, I know what you're thinking. I was thinking the same thing." I'm not quite sure if he just said that last bit because I hesitated. I kind of think he did, because why would he ask me to go and then say it was too far in the future to plan? I've also decided that I may overanalyze these things too much.. :-)

2) My great-uncle (the man who kind of raised my dad) died two days ago. He went to the hospital two weeks ago and was diagnosed with advanced lukemia. There wasn't anything they could do for him. The funeral is Friday and, of course, I can't go. I feel so bad. I loved that man, and I wish I was somewhere that's not the end of the earth so I could go and pay my respects.. but I'm a poor graduate student, and there's nothing I can do about that.

3) I've decided to be Daphne from Scooby Doo for Halloween, I can't wait.

4) Teaching is so great. I have 120 students and I love them. Their first paper is due this week, and I plan on continuing in the grand tradition of the LJ of gtaofdoom and post little gems from their papers. They're largely first semester freshman, so expect some doosies.

I think that's all for now. My world is small..

Current mood: tired

11:09PM - I don't know what made me check but...

He's back on Match.com. I think that he and I are going to have to have words. I am not going to be able to keep my mouth shut much longer without screaming at the top of my lungs about this stupid fixation. I'd better do it now before I get to that point. Luckily I'm going to see him on Friday.

Current mood: aggravated

5:27PM - Two unconnected pieces of news...

...that are making me feel very confused.

1) Anshu took his profile off of Match.com without me having to talk to him about it. I guess he was being honest when he said that he was going to do that, I just needed to give him a month. I think I would be way more pleased and all if the #2 piece of news didn't just happen.

2) My mom called me this afternoon and left a message saying that the oncologist got back to her and Kim about my grandpa, and that he has terminal lung cancer and cancer in his lymph nodes. He's 83, so the prognosis is about a year. They're meeting with another specialist on Tuesday to determine treatment options.

In other news..

The lawyer who paid me the nicest compliment of my life last weekend (see previous entry) emailed me in response to an message I sent him via Facebook about a party this weekend that we wanted to invite him and his friends to, but couldn't figure out how to get ahold of them outside of Facebook, since we didn't have their email addresses. Anyway, the subject line of his email is: "From the law school with love." Yeah, that's going to be the first note of a lot of drama this weekend, considering he knows that I'm dating someone, and am not available, and Anshu is going to be at the party, probably, but he apparently still wants something to happen between us. We'll see how long this lasts without blowing up.

Current mood: confused

4:25PM - I love that this happened on my birthday.

From the Associated Press.

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Current mood: amused

10:57AM - I'd love opinions.

Caution: This is a long story.

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Current mood: aggravated

10:43PM - I don't know why, but I love these things.

You Are Miss Piggy

A total princess and diva, you're totally in charge - even if people don't know it. You want to be loved, adored, and worshiped. And you won't settle for anything less. You're going to be a total star, and you won't let any of the "little people" get in your way. Just remember, piggy, never eat more than you can lift!

Current mood: amused

12:35PM - The nicest compliment I've ever received.

Some guy (a lawyer friend of a friend) paid me the nicest compliment that I've ever received yesterday. He said, "You're the kind of girl that I'd love to take home to my parents and say 'I'm in love with this girl'."

10:07AM - I don't have strep.

Unfortunately, I have some sort of viral tonsillitis, which means that I cannot get antibiotics to help it. I'm going to be contagious for another four days.. which means no hanky panky for me. I hate my body. I wish I felt worse, though, because right now I feel perfectly fine but no one can come near me which is the worst feeling. Oh well, at least the doctor doesn't think that it's the forerunner to a bout of mono, which tonsillitis often is. I suppose I can feel grateful for that.

Current mood: annoyed

7:27PM - I feel like a child.

It turns out I may have strep throat.. "most commonly found in school-aged children".. I find out tomorrow at 9 am.. I hate my body.

Current mood: depressed

4:32PM - The stupid thing I did.

Background: I have an affinity for hanging out the sunroofs of moving cars. Yes, I realize this is probably not the best activity for me to be engaging in, but I guess I'm like those dogs who like to stick their heads out of car windows. I like feeling the wind in my hair. Anyway, so here's what happened.

Friday night was Anshu's brother's last night in America before he left for a couple of months back to India to work until his residency started (he's a pediatrician). So we all went out to celebrate and wish him a fond farewell and all of that. While Anshu was driving back to his apartment at 4 am, he suggested I climb out the sunroof. I have no excuse for the what follows, as I was not at all drunk, or even tipsy. All I have to blame is my own stupidity and a series of unfortunate events.

So I climbed out of his sunroof, and for some reason decided to sit on the roof of his car, with my legs hanging down in the car and only my tenuous grip on the edge of his sunroof to hold me up there. I had never done this before, I had always just stood on the passenger seat with my upper body out of the car. Anyway, we were driving up the entrance to his apartment complex at the time, and probably not going more than 25 or 30 mph at the most, so I didn't think it would be that big of a deal. I had been up there for a minute or so when Anshu braked really suddenly. I have no idea why he did it, he has no idea why he did it, but it happened. And I got some serious air.

I ended up flying about 10 feet in front of the car, completely missing the hood of his car, and I hit the pavement, bounced, and then hit it again. Luckily I have enough experience with falling to know the appropriate way to fall to do the least amount of damage to myself, because I'm really not that hurt.

To continue the story, I was laying on the pavement with the wind completely knocked out of me when the boys came racing out of the car to make sure I was ok. I appreciated it, but really all I needed was air. Fortunately enough, Anshu's brother is a doctor, so I got the best medical care available once we got into his apartment. I ended up feeling worse about how upset Anshu was over the whole thing than anything that happened to me, because I really looked a lot worse than I felt and he kept berating himself. Once I hopped in the shower and they washed out the road rash, I felt completely fine. Then I had a time of it convincing him that the whole incident really was my fault, too. I mean, I'm not letting him completely off of the hook because why the hell the jackass braked I'll never know, but I'm the idiot that was sitting on top of his car in the first place.

Here's a list of my injuries, for all interested parties: Some superficial but nasty looking road rash on my left elbow and forearm, more superficial road rash on my left forearm and stomach, a finger that somehow got wrenched, but is apparently not broken, and a nasty looking bruise on my left hip. So all the parts of me that are injured are cushy and irrelevant to my overall functioning ability.

I will admit, though, that it was a really nice view into Anshu's character, and ability to act under crisis. He was very solicitous of my well-being, and he didn't freak out on me. Granted, he was blaming himself the whole time, and saying things under his breath like "I can't believe I'm such an ass", but it was a side of him I hadn't seen before.

Yesterday I called my mom to tell her about what happened and the first thing out of her mouth was, "Well that was stupid". Then she asked me if I was going to do it again, and I told her no, and she responded with "That's a sign of intelligence, only doing a stupid thing once."

The moral of the story: I've learned my lesson.

Current mood: blah

2:49PM - This is not good.

I think I broke my finger doing something remarkably stupid last night.. how would I figure out if it is actually broken? Opinions?

Current mood: curious

11:53PM - NOOOO!!!

This is my ideal job and they're advertising it four years too early!!!! It's tenure track, and Reed wasn't ever going to tenure a Clinical prof!! How could they do this to me?!?!?

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Psychology
Assistant Professor
The Reed College Psychology Department seeks applicants at the assistant professor level for a tenure track position in CLINICAL OR HEALTH PSYCHOLOGY, to begin August, 2007. The successful applicant will be able to teach a course in Psychopathology, and three other courses/year related to topics in mental health, personality or treatment approaches. One of the three additional classes could include participation in a team-taught Introductory Psychology course. At least one of these courses will have associated research or field experiences. In addition, supervision of year-long senior thesis projects is required. Strong preference will be given to candidates who have completed the Ph.D., are committed to excellence in teaching , and have an active research program. Applications should include a vita, a statement of research and teaching interests, three letters of recommendation, and any other materials that will help us assess the candidate's research and teaching experience. Review of applications will begin November 1s and continue until the position is filled. Send materials to Clinical Psychology Search, Department of Psychology, Reed College, 3203 S.E. Woodstock Blvd, Portland, OR 97202. E-mail can be sent to clinicalsearch@reed.edu. Fax: 503-777-7785. An Equal Opportunity Employer, Reed values diversity and encourages applications from underrepresented groups.

Deadline: November 1, 2006

Current mood: enraged

2:01AM

He told me he loved me last night... twice... I'm banking on the fact that he wasn't being serious... God, I hope he wasn't being serious...

Current mood: anxious