Why This Exists
Because some visitors cannot grasp that reading a blog is optional, I’ve had to rewrite this disclaimer in full.
If you dislike what you find here, the solution is gloriously simple: close the window and go away.
Views, Opinions, and Other Dangerous Things
The views expressed by the author of this blog are entirely his own. They may, from time to time, conflict with the opinions of anyone quoted, linked, referenced, married to, related to, employed by, or otherwise connected to the author, alive or deceased — including those of sound mind.
Comments published on this site are the responsibility of the people who wrote them. They own their words, their litigation risk, and their shame.
The author reserves the right to edit, delete, or block comments without explanation, though in general only those that are excessively rude, deranged, or incite violence will be removed.
If you post something foolish, you own it.
Expertise (or Lack Thereof)
Although I may appear to have an opinion on everything, I am not an expert in anything.
Nothing on this site should be considered reliable advice in medicine, law, mechanics, agriculture, psychology, theology, plumbing, or any other field that requires training, accreditation, or common sense.
Do not replicate anything you read here. Do not assume it’s safe, wise, or good for your physical or mental health.
If you genuinely need help, contact a relevant professional — doctor, lawyer, vet, therapist, or neighbour — rather than expecting enlightenment from a crofter with a blog.
Links to Elsewhere
From time to time, this blog may link to other websites. Some will be informative, many will not. Some will be prurient, ill-written, misleading, libellous, or worse.
If you follow a link and find yourself shocked, disgusted, or spiritually compromised, that’s on you.
Consider this your warning: the internet is not a curated garden. Proceed accordingly.
About the Illustrations (added 2025)
Some illustrations on this blog — particularly those accompanying poems, rants, and fevered observations — are generated using DALL·E, an AI image tool I have access to because I pay for it (yes, with real money).
I use it because I’m not an illustrator, can’t afford one, and modern readers seem terrified of uninterrupted text.
DALL·E is credited here as “my illustrator” in the same spirit one might thank a toaster that occasionally burns a saint’s face into a slice of bread.
These images are algorithmic hallucinations triggered by my words and stitched from the internet’s collective subconscious.
Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is the AI’s fault.
Any offence taken is yours.
Final Clarification
If you still do not understand what this disclaimer is saying, do not contact me for explanation.
You will only confirm my suspicion that you are humourless, technophobic, or unfit for open discourse.
In short: if you don’t like what you find here, leave.
If you have a question, start elsewhere.
Dennis Johnstone
Stonehead Croft — poetry with muck on its boots.
© 1993–Present, Dennis Johnstone. All rights reserved. Some things fade; copyright doesn’t.
All these years and I’d never read the disclaimer before…love it…Do hope you’re all keeping Well …every good wish from Silly Sussex.
I was drinking a cup of tea as I red the disclaimer, most of it came down my nose.
More power to your pen….
Mick n Mags.
Brilliant!!!!!!!!!! :O)
I happened to read this as I was just settling down to another day. Not to appear as a member of a new generation but, “OMG!” and “ROFLMAO!!!”.
I have just recently discovered this journal of your adventures, and I have found that I must (reluctantly) limit myself in my explorations due to, um … practical considerations.
Please know, however, that you are living a dream that … I want to say many of us, though I can only speak for myself … how about: for others is ONLY a dream. Thank you SO much for sharing!
I think my sis will use this on her e-Bay store where she says the stupidest people in the world shop. “No body reads my directions” so she has them now in RED, all CAPS and about size 72. Doesn’t help. People still can’t follow directions. Obviously where we are in the world doesn’t make any difference. People will be people. Fancy that.
GREAT blog. GREATER mind.
I have just read your disclaimer and I love it. Like everything about your blog. I especially like that you cook,my poor husband does good to make popcorn. Oh and we had rabbit for dinner yesterday that my grandson provided. Thanks for the view of what it is like to live on your croft.Keep on writing when you have time please.
Hi there Stonehead
Love your disclaimer, love your blog, love the way you’ve handled the carping, moaning, whining and generally insane comments you sometimes get. I once received an e-mail of a newspaper snippet where the letter writer demanded that a (meat) farmer develop a conscience and go and get meat from the supermarkets where it’s especially grown for that purpose. Say what?! The caption was ‘You can’t cure stupid!’.
We fled the big bad city some years back now and took to the hills in an attempt to live a different life. We knew just enough to get ourselves into trouble, and we’re keeping that tradition up.
We still earn most of our living the way we did in the city (lucky, hey?), but we also farm (on a very small scale) timber, organic veggies, free range chickens and ducks, and (ever-controversial) rabbits!
LMAO! Funniest thing I’ve read in ages… :-)
Please can I copy your disclaimer?
Pretty please! ?
It is soooo well written!
This made me laugh so hard. I have a small farm to raise our own food and live a more old fashioned life – and I understand your sentence “…be an expert on everything, he is in fact not an expert on anything…” I read that whole paragraph out loud to my other half and he patiently listened to every word. I was laughing so hard it was tough to complete the list.
You are a wonderful writer. I loved when you said that you just stared when your OH didn’t come back with the car right away and had been on the phone instead. Oh yes, my husband has been in the same position with our Tamworth/Berkshire mixed hogs.
Thank you for writing this blog and sharing your adventures! Please come see us in Vermont because we hardly ever get to Insch!
Thank you. Delightful. With your parents’ consent I’d like to adopt you and send you packages of cookies and homemade beer. I make mead, generally dry and semi-dry, if you fancy that. Made a mangel ale recently, just before I found your blog about it.
heh heh heh
Geez… wish I’d read this before I attempted a root canal on myself using a pair of sharp secateurs and half a bag of ice.
Take care. Oh I’m kidding. I used a full bag of ice. cheers
well said….or rather, written!
I really like this :D