Dear son,

We’ve come so far, you and I. It’s just a few weeks now before we meet. This is the final stretch in the road. A lot has changed since the last letter, let’s see the updates:

• The phone calls I was waiting for came! I got two amazing-okay good- job offers at the very same time and had to make a tough decision but in the end I am happy that I took up my current job. No regrets so far. It’s respectable, earns enough for now with potential for more in the future, opportunities for travel abound (don’t worry I won’t leave you behind) and a medical insurance cover for us. That means you’ll be born in a good hospital and your medical needs will be covered..
• I revived Z, my laptop. All he needed was some cleaning, I think some cockroaches had bred and lived inside its motherboard. By the time you are reading this, you’ll probably not need to ask what a motherboard is.
• I still write a weekly column for Zuqka, the pullout in the Friday Nation newspaper. Technobite. I love technology.
• I never did write for the sports column, can’t find the time! (Or ideas!)
• I’m still working on my master’s thesis, let’s hope I’ll graduate this June!
• I’m lagging behind on my other blog, trying to keep it updated. Basically I need more hours in the day so I can do some writing (as well as some sleeping. I’m so sleepy of late.)

So you see, as I promised the future is going to be great.

At 34 weeks, I’m not waddling yet but I do feel the strain of standing or walking for too long. You are a lovely baby, squirming, stretching, kicking, and turning usually in the evenings as I rest after work. I can’t wait to see you on the screen again next week when I go for my next ante-natal clinic.

I have much to say but at the moment I have a lot of work to do, so I will write again soon.

Love,

Your mother.

The internet is no longer  a place you can vent and tell your life’s secrets, it’s public ground. So while I write you this letter, bear in mind I’m not baring it all.

I quit my job.

Yes I know this may not be the right time, especially now. What will the future be like for us if I have no stable job and I quit this one after only three months at it? I worry about it but then I tell myself it will be alright in the end. I did the right thing, I wasn’t happy. I could hardly leave the house to go to work, I spent the hours looking at the clock ticking wondering when 5pm would reach so I could leave.

If I could start stating the reasons I left, it will simply boil down to this: I wasn’t happy. I wasn’t motivated to work. I thought the input wasn’t equal to the output, the amount of hours I put in should yield an amount at the end of the month that I could use for my expenses and have some left over for savings. But I couldn’t save a single cent. The constant pressure to perform at zero motivation left me without energy at the end of the day. I couldn’t write afterwards, and whatever doubts I may have as a writer were not the cause. My other blog remains un-updated for weeks, and I used to do like 3 posts a week. My schoolwork is ignored: I should be working on my master’s thesis right now but I haven’t spoken to my supervisor in weeks.

So yes, I’m broke, jobless, pregnant and single. I should be sobbing into my pillow every night.

Except I’m so happy.

I’m happy because I know in the end everything is going to be alright.

I’ll tell my family in November. Yes I know it’s the internet but sometimes the  best place to hide information is in plain sight.

I’ll wait for the two phone calls to the interviews that will change my life. I will not cross any fingers because I do not need to, I know my phone will ring and my time will come.

In the meantime, I need to revive Z, my laptop. Or magically acquire one. I’m going to write all day. Write articles for my Zuqka Technobyte column, write for the sportskenya.co.ke column that I was offered, write the proposal for my thesis, write for my blog, write for you, write for my readers. Then afterwards watch Series like Breaking Bad- hate the violence but like the plot.

I’m worried that I do not have medical insurance and you may end up being born in Pumwani or some other government maternity hospital *shudder* but I have a plan. Not sure what the plan is right now, but it’s there.

It’s my two days at work and I just don’t have the enthusiasm to work but have to get through it.

I want to go for the ultra-sound this week, see how you are progressing, will tell you how it goes.

Love,

Savvy.

Dear Jay,

Here is a song I love by Bon Jovi

Whooah, we’re half way there
Livin on a prayer
Take my hand and we’ll make it – I swear
Livin on a prayer

We’ve got to hold on ready or not
You live for the fight when it’s all that you’ve got

I am happy today, full of hope for the future. We’ll make it, I swear.