I have Asperger’s Syndrome – I was diagnosed as a teenager – but by no means does this make me an expert on the matter. I know my own limitations, but it’s a condition that affects so many people differently that there isn’t really a template for it. I can liken my condition’s characteristics in many ways to those of my brother’s, for example, but I have met a few people who have Asperger’s who are not affected in the same way as I am, or who handle aspects of it better than I.

I realise at this point that nowhere have I really discussed this at length. I have struggled with what I have deemed to be a stigma. For a long time, I refused to disclose this diagnosis on job application forms through fear I would not be hired due to it being to much hassle to accommodate it. I have fretted over how to open up to new girlfriends about this, and it has often taken much longer than I have intended through fear of it leading to rejection. It’s something I can ride out for a little while, but when things become overwhelming it’s an extra something I have to go into. I have to explain the whole thing there and then, rather than just ‘drop it in’. Logic tells me it’s probably better to do this at the earliest opportunity, but the reasons I have given here are why it can be difficult to do so, even if the disclosure can allow people to help and accommodate more. At least, that’s the idea.

The condition sets up little challenges in different ways for me. Some features of it people find endearing, such as my extensive interest in particular subjects. I have a friend who visited my home city, and she was impressed by my ability to name all the world flags outside the various embassies and government buildings. The host of my regular pub quiz often smirks at my ‘geeky’ ability to name obscure records from the 1960s. These kind of things are often considered quirky and fun, and I like being known as the go-to person for any Elton John-related information, including by a couple of my old university professors – people with doctorates in their field.

Some other features of the condition are more difficult to deal with: anxiety (and lots of it); the requirement for clear-cut plans and organisation at almost all costs; difficulty in accepting changing circumstances and environments; my difficulty in reading people and recognising body language, and the need for literal proposals, rather than ‘hints’ or implications. Other people’s emotions are not necessarily obvious to me, and this has, at times, led me to perhaps demonstrate a lack of tact dependent on surroundings. Don’t get me wrong, most of the time I do okay, more often than not, in fact. But when the off-days occur, that’s when things become unmanageable. These are usually triggered by tiredness (such as having had a long day or a long journey) or a high-emotion situation (such as after an action-packed football match – I come home from games exhausted). Under these circumstances, my solution is to withdraw to my familiar environment at home, where I can take immense comfort in the familiar until things settle down.

At various points since my diagnosis as a teenager, I have met a few people who have told me that, when I have disclosed my possession of the condition, whatever their relation to me, they have “heard of it”, or “have a friend/relative with it”. Now, I have good days and bad days, and when I am tired, for example, my condition and its characteristics become exacerbated – characteristics such as hypersensitivity, anxiety, fretting and desire for a familiar environment or routine. It is on these bad days that some of these people who have “heard of” my condition become surprised as to the presence of these traits. One particular person who claimed to be self-educated on Autism took offence on occasions when I felt overwhelmed and wanted to return home. While upsetting, I have to remind myself that many people who have “heard of” Asperger’s do not entirely get how it works, so I suppose the reason I have written this article is to describe how it works. And even then, it’s not a template condition, so I’m really describing how it works in me.

So I have written this in the hope that people will move from having “heard of” Asperger’s Syndrome to understanding it a bit better. I have a lot of very kind friends who have been very accommodating thus far. But I have also met people along the way who have been surprised that I have this condition. I have so far mentioned being an Aspie to relatively few people, but several of those have responded with “I would never have guessed”. I have two equal responses for that: one is that some days I have to put in a lot of effort to try and ‘fit in’ and keep it together, to the point that I am mentally exhausted by the end of the day, and the other is to bear in mind that, despite how it may sometimes appear from the outside, it is still there. I still have to deal with it, even if it doesn’t show. Often is the unfortunate assumption that, because I was able to pull out all the stops on one bad day to get by, I can do this upon demand or expectation. Good and bad days come on a sliding scale, but it is incredibly challenging to battle on more than I feel I can handle on the basis that I managed once before. My family is very good at recognising when I need to take a step back from a situation or occasion, either for good or for the moment, as are understanding friends, but with a few others – acquaintances or employers – sometimes this all gets forgotten on the basis that “you were alright yesterday”. This also leads to the dreaded caveat of comparison – usually to the (neurotypical) person making the criticism; “I get tired sometimes but I still make an effort”; “You’re tired? I’ve been up since five this morning!”.

Growing Up Aspie by Nathan McConnell

Another thing I talk about a lot is speaking up when you feel vulnerable. This is something that is widely encouraged by many outlets, including mental health charities and organisations, as well as caring individuals. I also live with depression (which, in many cases, goes hand-in-hand with ASDs), so I have many moments where I feel vulnerable, wherein returning to my familiar environment is the first part of the solution. The point is that these vulnerabilities can lead to brief emotional breakdowns if persistently disturbed, so it’s important to make people aware when you need to ‘take a step back’. The essence of handling this with foresight is to ensure I am kind to myself, and know when is not a good time to immerse myself in a situation that may tip me over the edge when vulnerable. I don’t spend every day from when I wake up trying to keep a lid on a ‘meltdown’, but when I feel there is potential within me for things to boil over, I have to focus on self-care, even if it means not going and running that errand after all, because keeping that lid on is half the battle sometimes.

It is therefore incredibly disheartening – and frankly insulting – to work so hard internally and exhaust myself trying to break through the chains of my vulnerabilities to only be told I am not making enough of an effort by people who claim to have “heard of” Autism or by people who “know a bit about it because [they] know someone who has it”.

I had a job many years ago now, where my line manager and I had a reassuring chat about my condition and she came up with strategies to make things easier for me at work, but when she left, the new line manager decided for herself that these adjustments should be scrapped in favour of me ‘making more of an effort’, and to “try not to think about it” when emotions ran high, for the sake of making her job easier. She didn’t last very long, but the fact remains that the stigma was there. They gave me a decent parting gesture when I left, on the basis that I’d been “screwed over”, but still remains the desire for greater understanding.

There are so many conditions and circumstances that leave people fighting internal battles, and sometimes these don’t seep through to the external. This is surely the case for many people with ASDs, like me. Be kind. But don’t take just my word for it – I can only speak about my experiences. Talk to other people with ASDs – they can speak for themselves, too. See what you can do to make things easier for them. One great website I have come across is Growing Up Aspie, which is the brainchild of Nathan McConnell, who himself has Autism, and he answers many questions that both Neurotypicals and other people with ASDs have to ask, as well as talking about his own experiences. I believe this is probably the best way of gaining better understanding of the condition, and stepping beyond simply having heard the name somewhere.

I discovered France Gall after listening to a duet she had performed with Elton John called ‘Donner Pour Donner’ (which I included on my bumper Elton John Spotify playlist that I compiled last year, which some of you interacted with). I had first heard this song a long time ago, but upon listening to it on one occasion last year, I decided to see what else she had recorded. It was unusual to hear Elton record a song in another language, but I felt that the fact that he had was sufficient reason for me to investigate. And once I did, and despite barely being able to put together a sentence in French, I was captivated.

France Gall’s early career saw her enter – and win – Eurovision on behalf of neighbouring Luxembourg in 1965, and worked closely with the equally unique Serge Gainsbourg. In the Seventies, she formed a collaborative partnership with the singer/songwriter Michel Berger (whose musical style sounds more similar to Elton John’s than anyone else I have heard). The two would later marry, and Berger would go on to write all of Gall’s songs, which were incredibly successful in her native France. ‘Il Jouait du Piano Debout’, possibly my favourite, topped the French charts for nine weeks in 1980.

Sadly, Michel Berger himself passed away in 1992 after suffering a heart attack, and his death devastated Gall. Despite releasing a further album in 1995, I think she felt that it wasn’t quite the same without him, and she took a step back from music, and made few public appearances during the 21st century. Barely a week before her passing, I had been daydreaming of her announcing a series of concerts in France. I was prepared to travel out there to see one of them.

France Gall was a wonderful, beautiful, magical singer. I shall miss her terribly. I will carry her spirit with me whenever I make music myself, and it is her spirit that I wish to share with you.

Bon Voyage, France. J’adore tu, et merci pour la musique.

I’ve noticed that a lot of people will opt for saying “I’m alright” whenever somebody asks how they are, no matter how they really are feeling. I’ve been no different, and it’s a hard habit to break. But it’s incredibly liberating to declare one’s vulnerabilities to a closed-mouthed friend.

Another thing I’ve learned to do is make decisions based upon what is best for my well-being, and this year so far feels like it’s been defined by the fallout from an instance of that:

The year 2017 opened (quite literally on 1st January) with the decision to finally walk away from a toxic relationship that I had been involved in, on-and-off, since June 2014, with an otherwise beautiful, funny, eloquent individual. It was never always the case; things started well, she was very interested in me as a person, she seemed to want to be with me as much as I wanted to be with her, she wanted to learn all about my favourite musicians, my favourite football team, my favourite hobbies, she listened to all the music I recorded, wanted to hear all the songs I’d ever written, and was incredibly supportive in my ventures. I showed her father and brother around my home city. She was both my girlfriend and my best friend. The problem was that it began as I was approaching the lowest point in my depression. By no means whatsoever was she responsible for this, but the depression and subsequent anxiety disorder meant that I became incredibly overwhelmed by her, and I ended up pushing her away, stalling the relationship in favour of remaining friends – to the extent we could.

After a while (and maintaining regular face-to-face and electronic contact throughout), we attempted to give things another go, but I guess it wasn’t quite the same for her after that. I was genuinely trying to put things right, and I also believe that she was, too, but ultimately I don’t think she felt as secure with me as she once did, and that she felt like, any time soon, I was going to push her away all over again, and I understand that completely. It was during this time, however, that her behaviour began to change quite dramatically; she was often trying to incite romance with other people, and often I would find that the “I love you”s that she would say to me would also be said to other people. Whenever I questioned her doing this, she would declare that she no longer wanted to be with me, only to reverse that decision a week later, using the ‘down-time’ to profess her love for other people on social media. This eventually became a near-weekly event over the course of more than a year. She was being needy during this time, demanding that I withdrew from university in order to focus on her, and not wanting me to spend any time with my friends, particularly female friends, so you can imagine the swing from not wanting to be with me one week to wanting to move in with me the next. Her behaviour was becoming increasingly erratic (and manifested itself in ways that would perhaps be unfair to divulge on here, due to a pre-existing diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder), coupled with her persistent surprise that I was at all upset by any of this, insisting that I had to accept her actions with an “oh well, never mind” attitude, to the point where I made the decision to walk away entirely, which was hard, but for as long as she and I were in contact, this was going to continue to happen.

Following on from this was the fallout that I have had from every relationship breakup that I have experienced in my life: everything made me think of her, and still does, to an extent. This is what I meant when I said about doing what was good for my well-being; it’s all well and good me remembering how pretty she was, or how good in bed she was, or repeating nostalgic memories of her, but the relationship was frankly doomed, and wasn’t going to improve. The trust had gone. Sometimes you have to weigh these things up, and it’s not easy to break away from something that brings you both joy and pain. I remember hearing someone say something like “insanity is doing the same thing over and over, yet expecting a different result”. I’m sure that was true for both of us.

It’s easy enough for me to acknowledge this “insanity”, and acknowledge that walking away was the healthy option, but that doesn’t take away the nostalgic feelings that still come to mind after this time. A month after we went our separate ways, I visited her home country for work reasons. It seemed strange being in the country, attempting to speak her language, but without her. It doesn’t take away the fact that in my day-to-day life there are so many things that I am always reminded of her, either her general persona or just of something we did together one day, or something we said we were going to do one day. But that covers up the stuff that I found difficult – the stuff that ultimately made me feel worse than it made me feel good.

On reflection, the whole experience was a learning curve for me. Although there are things I wish I’d done differently, I don’t regret a single moment of it, despite the challenges. She had similar mental health issues to me; she would become easily overwhelmed, too, so it’s given me more reason to educate myself a little more on what was making things a little more challenging for her. She would often cite her mental health issues (BPD, primarily) as justification for her erratic behaviour, which I can understand, but my offer of sorting out some help or therapy for her was declined, citing that she didn’t want to change or become a different person, and that she wanted to just ‘be who she was’, and that she would reject any kind of strategy or coping mechanism. But the walking away has been no different to any other relationship breakup, and we were in each other’s lives for a long time. You don’t get over that straight away.

It’s also important for me to make sure I’ve addressed these feelings and issues sufficiently before embarking on a new relationship. One day in the future I would really like to have a meaningful relationship with someone, not just one to act as a replacement for someone else. I don’t want to hurt anyone more than I already have. So I’ve been having somewhat of a sabbatical from dating this year, instead concentrating on my studies, my music, my friends and my family, and, most importantly, remembering to talk about how it’s all going. It’s okay to feel fragile, and to find something challenging, especially something that others might not find challenging.

Stay in touch.

The re-kindling of the collaborative partnership between Elton John and Bernie Taupin took a few years until it began blazing again in 1983, so some albums between then and 1976’s Blue Moves, after which the sabbatical began, have become somewhat forgotten, and bearing few hit singles. However, somewhere in this hazy period lies The Fox, which makes use of four Taupin lyrics among its eleven tracks.

John had not had a hit in the UK in almost four years by the time The Fox hit what few turntables it did. Four years might not seem that long, but considering this was his fourth album in that many years begs the question why. From his previous album, 21 at 33, John had achieved greater success in North America with its lead single Little Jeannie, which made it to No. 3 on the U.S. Billboard charts, and topped the charts in Canada – sadly another song that appears to have disappeared without trace from his catalogue.

And it is perhaps fair to say that producing pop records was perhaps not where his heart lay in 1981; John was in the midst of his stewardship of Watford Football Club, the team he had supported since boyhood, and in two years from now, the club would reach its highest position in English football since the club’s formation in 1881. He had adopted the role of Chairman in 1976, the same year in which he decided to take a break from touring, and from writing songs with staple collaborator Bernie Taupin (who would then go on to compose lyrics for Heart, Starship and Alice Cooper, among others). While four of the tracks are composed with Taupin, the others are not, with John going against the familiar grain by collaborating with Gary Osborne and Tom Robinson elsewhere on the record (with one track, Nobody Wins) having no creative input from John at all.

With this in mind, The Fox is understandably overlooked, which is a shame, as I believe this album to be steered musically in somewhat of an avant-garde direction. While the living room setup on the album cover may have dated badly, I find the music contained in this album to be more musically robust, save for one or two instances. While the album’s lead single, Nobody Wins, utilises a drum machine (which would elbow its way into John’s album material a small handful of times during the 1980s), and the short Fanfare contains a heavy synthesiser presence (courtesy of James Newton Howard, who would later make a name for himself as a film composer throughout the 1990s and 2000s), the rest of the album remains faithful to the rich melodies and piano-led driving force that made John a household name.

The album demonstrates a variety of collaborations between John and other artists, (or not, as is the case with Nobody Wins, which was originally a French-language composition, with English lyrics written by Gary Osborne). Despite the return of Taupin as a part-time lyricist for the album, he’s still got a bit of rust to shake off here, with Just Like Belgium reading like a discussion between a couple on a bus about a past trip to Brussels, and an acute degree of desperation in trying to rhyme words with “fox” in the title track. Nonetheless, these are enjoyable songs on the whole, and it’s comforting that John has not given too much reliance to contemporary production methods, with tracks like Chloe or Heels of the Wind sounding like they wouldn’t appear out-of-place on an earlier album like Blue Moves or Rock of the Westies.

We all know Elton John as a singer and a songwriter, but this is an album where I feel he shows himself to be an artist. Whether or not this was intentional is another matter, but with all works of art, it’s often down to the viewer (or in this case, the listener) to form their own interpretation. It’s hardly golden, yellow-bricked era product from John, but this album certainly makes my top ten. The one thing I would change on this album would actually involve replacing Nobody Wins with Fools in Fashion, an out-take that was relegated to a B-side for the aforementioned single. After Victim of Love‘s release two years prior, I had hoped to have seen the back of any material that lacked either John’s compositional or instrumental input. Mind you, it’s been thirty-six years, and we seem to be doing okay.

Top track: Chloe

With so many musically rich tracks on this album, Chloe is a good balance of strong lyrics, a rich melody and powerful arrangement. The guitar solo creeps through the string section in the background like a light through a smoky room. It’s a shame I don’t hear enough of it these days.

Download The Fox on iTunes here.

Anyone who has heard anything about Watford over the last couple of years will probably have some preconceptions as to what to expect from this Summer transfer window; the layman will probably expect almost an entire squad’s worth of new players, most of them unheard of, with a cosmopolitan mix of many nationalities except British. While it is true that The Hornets have overseen a high player turnover since their reinstatement into the Premier League two years ago, it has largely been down to having to adjust to life in a different league, coupled with changes to tactical approaches following a change in Head Coach, each of whom can have (and have had) contrasting opinions on individual players.

Before we consider which areas the club should look to strengthen, one could be forgiven for thinking that it will be another case of housecleaning this time next year. Fortunately for Watford, the club’s owner, Gino Pozzo, is seeking managerial stability, and an annual rotation of Head Coaches was certainly not in the plans of the Italian, who is often erroneously viewed as trigger-happy. Walter Mazzarri’s three-year contract at the club, terminated after the first year, goes to show how Pozzo genuinely wanted it to work out. But with the new manager, former Hull City and Olympiakos boss Marco Silva, being awarded a two-year deal gives many Watford fans a reason to believe that they might be looking to build something after all.

Marco Silva appears to prefer a 4-2-3-1 formation, which would require pace to be most effective – something which the side has been lacking of late, and the advancing years of the squad has not helped matters. With these factors in mind, let us consider where The Hornets might benefit from recruiting this Summer.

A goalkeeper

It’s fair to say that Heurelho Gomes has enjoyed somewhat of a career renaissance at Vicarage Road, following on from forging a perhaps butterfingered image towards the end of his Tottenham career. But, at 36, it would be foolish for the club to not consider a younger ‘keeper to blood into the club, and who can take on the Number One shirt upon Gomes’ eventual departure. Both Walter Mazzarri and predecessor Quique Flores were reluctant to give backup goalkeeper Costel Pantilimon regular game-time beyond cup games, despite his regular first-team experience for Sunderland, and given inconsistencies within the Watford defensive line, there is no room for rustiness between the sticks.

A left-back

One feature of last season that many Watford fans found perversely endearing was the fact that German-born left-back Jose Holebas came within a hair’s breadth of breaking the Premier League record of yellow cards in a single season. While this may be amusing to some, as the club’s only senior left-back, the evidence that he is liable to a suspension suggests that this is one area that requires improvement, and considering Holebas will be 33 come the start of the 2017/18 season, recruiting for this role would not be a bad idea, either.

A defensive midfielder

Similarly to Jose Holebas, this current role is being filled by a 32-year-old player, Valon Behrami. A player who is largely reliable, but fitness has not always been on his side. Not since John Eustace have The Hornets had such a reliable anchor man in front of the defensive line, so it would be in Watford’s best interests to fill this role, preferably with a similar no-nonsense persona, with time on his side, regardless of whether or not Behrami, linked with a move to Switzerland, leaves in the Summer.

An attacking winger

One decision that raised the eyebrows of Watford fans in the 2016/17 season was the decision to loan Dutch winger Steven Berghuis to homeland club Feyenoord. His induction into the Dutch national team and comparatively sprightly age of 24 suggested that he could be a great candidate to grow into the team. Unfancied by Quique Flores, and unsuitable for Walter Mazzarri’s 3-5-2 formation, Berghuis was sent out on loan. Experience of Watford under Pozzo suggests that, once a senior player leaves the club on loan, that is usually the end of their career in this corner of Hertfordshire. In addition, Berghuis’ self-confessed unhappiness with regards to his lack of game time at Watford could lead many to think that he has been burned enough times by the club. Mbaye Niang’s decision to actively decline a permanent move to Vicarage Road following his passable loan spell in the latter half of the previous season means that Watford are somewhat short on the advanced flanks, and rather than play the likes of Daryl Janmaat out-of-position, a specialist is desirable.

A pacey striker

It’s been no secret at Watford that Troy Deeney is the heartbeat of the club, to the point where tactical decisions often revolve around him. However, he has shown in previous seasons (at both Premier League and Championship levels, that he requires a strike partner in order to be fully effective. His link-up with Matej Vydra (now at Derby County) in the Championship was a joy to behold in two separate seasons, but was deemed to be unsuitable for the Premier League. A similar degree of pace, coupled with effective finishing and a cool head, should provide Watford fans with an ideally fruitful output.

When there’s no football, I don’t really know what to do with my time. Every week between August-May revolves around every Saturday afternoon at 3pm. As a depression/anxiety sufferer, I actually find football vital, because it gives me a structure to my week, it gives me something to concentrate on, it gets me out of the house, and it gets me talking to people, online or offline. So when the 2016/17 season finished in May, in the same week as my Postgrad classes finished, I felt a little bit stuck, because the two things that took up all my time were suddenly both gone. So while I’ve been feeling incredibly flat today, I thought I could at least look at the upcoming season.

It’s odd how I’m looking forward to this new season; this time last month I couldn’t wait for the season to be over. I’ll talk more about that later, but it only took me a week or two to realise just how much I love having it around.

The truth is though, I’m always looking at the upcoming season. I look at it meticulously. I create fixture lists with the upcoming season’s participants. I imagine what pre-season friendlies each club might partake in. I dream of Watford’s pre-season tour of North America (and become disappointed when it inevitably does not materialise). I scour statistical websites for undiscovered rough diamonds who I would love to bring in if I were the manager. Cyle Larin of Orlando City is one of my favourites. No stone unturned.

On the subject of friendlies, I’m hoping that Watford’s final warm-up gig before the opening day on 12 August will be an away game in a foreign country. I’m not holding out for the USA/Canada, which I love visiting, but even if it was France or Spain, I’d like to be able to go along and get a few days out of it. Every Summer, Watford take part in a pre-season training camp in some pocket of the Alpine mountains, the same range that is home to Italian sister club, Udinese. They’ve been playing friendlies during these camps, but they’re often behind-closed-doors. I guess the club treats these friendly games as glorified training sessions (which they are, admittedly), but I’m always looking to attend these. The sooner I get football back in my life, the better.

There’s a kind of cross-over here between my love of football and my love of travelling, hence my desire to travel abroad to see my team play. The furthest I’ve ever gone to see Watford is Ireland. I had planned to see Watford in Germany a couple of years ago, but was ultimately unable to go, which was a kick in the teeth, as the friendlies they were playing were not far from the home of my then-girlfriend’s parents. There’s nothing stopping me from travelling to these places anyway, but there’s something comforting about being far from home, yet in familiar territory.

And football is familiar territory for me, which is why I can’t wait for its return.

I’ve recently considered the possibility of starting an academic blog. I’m quite taken by the idea of writing for published journals, no doubt enabled by the fact that completing a degree is evidence enough for me that I am capable of writing academically. But that will probably be separate to this.

In the meantime, I’m going to attempt to include a few thoughts on this site. Now, I know I’ve said that before, and believe me, I have opened this site with the intention of writing some musings since I last published a post more than two years ago(!), but just because I do not speak (or type) does not mean I do not think. Maybe I’ll try to type a bit more often.

Now, I saw some people say towards the end of December that they were going to give it a go. Some of them didn’t make it past the first day, and it’s not a big deal; if I had to go for a month without popping into Starbucks for a Hazelnut Latte I’d be gritting my teeth. That’s not a sign of a problem, as such – it’s a sign of enjoying something.

If you’re reading this, and you’re still doing Dry January – good for you, keep it up. If you were doing Dry January, but it fell by the wayside after a few days – no biggie. If you fancy another go you don’t have to wait until this time next year if what you want to do is raise money for charity or even experiment to see how much your health benefits from this incidental detox.

One thing I have seen since December when this campaign began being advertised was a large number of people claiming that such a drive – even if for charity – would do damage to the pub trade, harming the business and livelihood of pub landlords. I fail to see how this is the case. Let me explain.

In 2007, I got so sick of the amount of trouble I was getting into every time I drank that I decided enough was enough and decided to give it up altogether. I tried moderating. I tried only drinking at weekends. I tried having breaks from it to see if that would ‘flush it out’. Nothing worked, and what didn’t help was that most of the people I hung out with seemed to be able to do what I couldn’t – know when to stop. I was eventually so fed up of trying to meet myself in the middle that I quit entirely. Gradually I felt better through being sober, and when I drank (and went out of my way trying to moderate it) I was thoroughly miserable, and today I go out with my friends and do the same thing as everyone else minus the booze.

My point is this: by quitting drinking, was I doing damage to the pub trade, harming the business and livelihood of pub landlords? Am I still damaging them today?

During my period of transition from problematic drinking to real life, I encountered a whole bunch of people who themselves had stopped drinking and were now seemingly managing much better in life. Were all those people collectively doing damage to the pub trade, harming the business and livelihood of pub landlords?

Actually, it’s probably worth mentioning that, towards the end of my drinking career I wasn’t actually going out much; booze was (and still is) cheaper to buy in supermarkets, and by drinking at home it meant not having to go out of my way in order to drink. Besides, in those days I wasn’t a lot of fun to be around so I wasn’t getting invited out much anyway, and when I did go to pubs I used to get myself thrown out, so they can’t have missed my custom all that much. These days, I go out to local pubs with my friends and I eat food and drink coffee and tea – ironically, I’m actually contributing more to the pub trade than I was when I was drinking. I’m happy with that, and so is my local landlord – he’s always very happy to see me.

So why is it that so many people want to blame drives like this for the decline of the pub industry? 97p cans of Sainsbury’s Essential medium-strength lager have been in circulation much longer than social media drives such as this, and I’m pretty sure that ordinary business competitiveness has probably led to the unfortunate closure of more pubs still. I live in a village where the ratio of pubs-to-residents is about 5:1 (an exaggeration, I admit), so I’ve seen first-hand for a quarter of a century the rise and fall of particular establishments.

In the 21st Century, it is down to the individual establishments to be versatile and adapt to changing supply-and-demand statistics, rather than the general public to adjust itself. I don’t remember seeing a drive demanding people to boycott Netflix or LoveFilm because it was damaging to Blockbuster Videos and putting their staff out of jobs. And how many people were scolded for deciding to quit smoking, and told to think about those who work for tobacco companies? Some of them have families, you know!

If, however, you’re worried about your local closing, maybe you could pop down there now, rather than read this? Try some of the house wine, the real ales, or, if you’re like me, a filter coffee. Or get some food – my local does the best lasagna. But I imagine the number of pub drinkers minus the numbers of participants in Dry January is still a pretty big figure.

This isn’t a big deal. Everyone will be alright. I’ll drink to that.

Anyway, earlier this evening I posted a tweet stating that I’m undecided as to whether or not I would prefer to be in the Premier League or the Championship next season. There is a lot, pro and con, for either argument.

I find the Championship has a lot more character. The clubs, the fans and the match-day experiences seem more genuine. More of my friends are keen supporters of Championship clubs than fringe supporters of Premier League clubs. The competitions are altered, too; we enter the League Cup earlier in the competition if we are in the Championship, and the way the draw for that works is that we are guaranteed to play against a team from another league in the first round. That means a team we don’t normally play, possibly at a ground we don’t normally play. Plus, I take the train to games so it means a journey I wouldn’t normally make, which for me is exciting, too.

Being in the Premier League would mean more coverage on television, both in the UK and worldwide. It would probably also lead to many people firing off patronising soundbites (e.g. “punching above their weight”). Plus, one possibility, because of our heightened credibility of being in the Premier League, is the potential of more pre-season friendlies abroad. One thing I would want more than anything is to see Watford play some pre-season friendlies in North America – particularly against Columbus Crew, my favourite MLS team. I was considering the possibility of the squad visiting Mexico for a friendly due to the arrival of Miguel Layun. The last couple of pre-seasons we’ve gone to Italy for training camps, playing pre-season friendlies and practice matches against bands of locals, rather than established clubs in remote northern parts of the country. I did go to Ireland to see a pre-season friendly against Cork City a couple of years ago, but that’s the extent of my Watford-related international globetrotting. Interestingly enough, Crystal Palace (the team who beat us in the Play-Off Final a couple of seasons ago) actually played a pre-season friendly against Columbus Crew during the Summer of 2014. Oh, what could have been!

And then there’s the prospect of playing in Europe. I say ‘prospect’, and before you laugh, I don’t think there’s any Watford fan who wouldn’t want to play in Europe at some point. I think this is more down to my desire to follow my club abroad than desire to win the competition. Yet at the same time, I’d rather see us play against teams from Lithuania, Slovenia and the Balkans rather than the likes of Real Madrid, Barcelona, PSG et al. So perhaps the Europa League would be preferable to the Champions’ League.

There’s a place for games like that: Free Play mode on FIFA.

Losing games is hardly unheard of in football, and today’s game was a particular anticlimax given the hype around our most recent signing, Mexico international wing-back Miguel Layun. Once he signed, for a brief period of only a few seconds, I envisaged and, to a degree, expected him to turn round every game single-handedly. That thought didn’t last long and I mentally grounded myself, but at the same time I knew that a number of Mexican eyes would be on us to see how their countryman would fare. If any Mexican football fans are reading this, don’t lose faith in Layun, or in us.

I began following Watford relatively benignly when I was about 14, and this came about quite organically. Being a big Elton John fan, I always knew he was involved with the club. As a result, whenever Watford were mentioned on the radio I’d always think “oh, that’s Elton John’s club”. My ears would prick up to their name, but I would then just return to whatever I was doing a few seconds later. After a while, this led to me actively checking the internet and looking in the newspapers to see what the Watford score was at the weekend. My response to a win or a loss began as little more than an acknowledgement, but this grew to feelings of genuine happiness at a win, and disappointment at a loss. My older brother is a Liverpool fan and, like most fans of Top Four clubs (as it was back then), he followed Liverpool via Final Score from the sofa in our house, and I began going out of my way to watch as well and see how Watford were doing. This was during our unsuccessful Premier League campaign so the occasional wins were very much of a novelty, but I found myself very interested in the club soon after that, very often forgetting that Elton John had any involvement in the club at all.

Finally, I decided that I wanted to go to a match, so I bought myself a ticket for the home tie against Ipswich in the 2008-09 season. This was when Adrian Boothroyd was still the manager. We beat Ipswich 2-1, after going a goal behind, with John Eustace and John-Joe O’Toole scoring the goals. I sat in the Lower Rous Stand, although I would eventually migrate to the Rookery End for the home games. Before the game I bought a home shirt from the club shop (that was in the town centre at the time), and I put it on straight away. I was hooked. I went home on the train singing the terrace chants that I had picked up at that game. Unfortunately I worked on Saturdays at this time so I found it difficult to get to games often, but I followed them closely until I got out of that job.

Anyway, that’s how I got into Watford. I had no other prior affinity with the town, but it has since become like a home away from home for me. Even my brother and I swinging off the M25 to grab a pizza from the North Watford branch of Pizza Hut was a very comforting feeling.

I have seen my club at its best and its worst. I remember staying up all night around Christmas in 2009 feeling anxious because I was worried we were going to go into administration before Lord Ashcroft stepped in at the last minute. I remember feeling incredibly upset when Malky Mackay left the club – seeing him hold up that Cardiff City shirt at the press conference was painful. I was one of the first people on the pitch when we had the pitch invasion against Leicester in the play-offs – both pitch invasions, actually. I went to Wembley for the subsequent play-off final, knowing after about 60 minutes that we weren’t going to win. I’ve seen some fantastic results, too: 4-1 at home to Cardiff City; beating the then-unbeatble QPR 3-1 at Loftus Road; travelling to the home game against Bournemouth with my Cherries-supporting friend, only for us to hammer them 6-1, and more recently thrashing 10-man Fulham at Craven Cottage. I’ve also seen some disappointing, questionable performances: the play-off final at Wembley was most forgettable. I saw us lose 2-0 at home to Scunthorpe, and go 2-0 against an already-doomed Preston North End that same season. I saw Dale Bennett concede a spectatular own-goal against Burnley from about 25 yards out that led me to never even play him on Football Manager after that – Chris Iwelumo scored against us in that game, too. And, on the last day of last season, I was almost reduced to tears by a 4-1 loss at home to Huddersfield. Not because we lost by a big scoreline, or because we lost at all, but rather the players simply didn’t make any effort. I was disgusted that day. The biggest shift was put in by Samba Diakite – those who remember him will know that says a lot.

I love Watford and these days I go to many games. I’m not a Season Ticket holder due to not being able to make the home games on Tuesday nights (I don’t live in Watford), but I go regularly, home and away, as often as time and pocketbook allow. I didn’t go to the game today because of some university assignments I’m ploughing through. By the sounds of it, I’m glad I didn’t go. I could be writing this after any loss, but it just so happens I’ve started this blog recently so I guess it’s going to be after this game. Like I said, losing a game is not entirely unheard of and I am possibly one of my club’s biggest apologists, but it’s hard to not have your confidence dashed after a loss, no matter how briefly that downturn lasts. We’re in the play-offs again, and it’s not down to any good luck on our part. For me, we need consistency, especially when all our near-rivals in the table all slip-up – we’ve got to capitalise on that.

Now I’m going to write about what I initially set out to write about, but I’ve rambled on so much that I’m probably going to have to start a completely new thread for it, lest my point may be lost within the length of this article, although part of me thinks that’s already happened.