HENRY, THE LOW-RIDER
[PUMPKINS WE LOVE]

My former neighbor Henry now lives in Okinawa. We'll miss him and his pumpkin figure this Halloween.

OH MY GOURD
[PUMPKIN SHOPPING WITH SALAD BOY]

Salad Boy and I went pumpkin shopping yesterday. Paid $26 for two large pumpkins, including one that looked like a butt. Which explains why we bought it.

The big twist: Salad Boy drove this year. Which tells me we won't be pumpkin shopping together for much longer.

AND NOW, ANOTHER EPISODE OF MY RIDICULOUS LIFE
[ZAGAT COMES TO CALL]

The other day I got a Facebook message from a friend:

Ummmmmmmm. I had no idea what she was talking about so I clicked the link.

Holy cow.

Who else is on the list?

Anthony Bourdain. Ruth Reichl. Mario Batali. Gordon Ramsay. Food & Wine's editor-in-chief Dana Cowin. Gael Greene, a New York restaurant critic pretty much forever.

What was I cited for?

@JeffHouck: Jeff Houck - This cheeky, knowledgeable Tampa Tribune food writer flavors his tweets with plenty of jokes.

Crazy. C-R-A-Z-Y.

I joked it off around the office. I said it was like winning an award for World's Tallest Midget.

Then they ran this on my newspaper's Web site.

For a greatest hits of my tweets, click here.

IMPULSE NON-BUYS
[THE PENIS MIGHTIER THAN THE SWORD]

Interestingly, it only writes in monosyllables and twisted syntax.

TIME FLIES
[WHAT TIME IS IT?]

WHAT'S COOLER THAN COOL?
[ICE COLD]

IT'S NOT EASY PEEING GREEN
[GRAFFITI QUESTIONS NO ONE WANTS TO ANSWER]

Looks like someone needs to lay off the green apple Jolly Ranchers.

LEAKY FAUCETS
[THINGS WHICH SEEM DIRTY BUT AREN'T]

I'll wait for the rhythm method model.

DISSING YOUR DOGS
[THERE'S ONE THING STRONGER THAN A DOG'S SENSE OF SMELL: HIS SENSE OF IRONY]

Came around the corner yesterday to see this in the living room:

Nice. It's only a treasured piece of furniture that you're ruining.

No, no, no, no. Don't get up on my behalf, Lincoln. Lay back down.

Your comfort means more to me than that precious family heirloom.*


* The sarcasm you're picking up in my tone comes from Dale Sturtevant.

I'M A LOVER OF HATS, NOT A HAT FIGHTER
[YOU CAN HAVE MY GIRL BUT DON'T TOUCH MY HAT]

Thanksgiving dinner accessory. Check.

A DIAMONDGASM IS FOREVER
[WHAT TO GET THE WOMAN WHO HAS EVERYTHING]

Can I just give her a ring instead?

It would seem an unreasonable bar to set for the rest of the relationship.

MAYHEM, BE THY NAME
[FACEBOOK ASKS THE LOADED QUESTIONS]

Oh, the fun I could have with this.

TAMPA GOES A LITTLE FOOD TRUCK CRAZY
[EVERYTHING CRUNCHY IS GOOD]

Part of my responsibilities as a food writer includes covering trends.

Right now, food trucks be just that.

The city just had its second food truck rally in three weeks and it shows no sign of abating just yet.

That's great - clearly it's meeting a need - but I'm hoping it matures quickly. Because going to these rallies is wearing me out.

Luckily, I have my nephew Adam's daughter Avery to help me keep my energy up.

Adam, Avery and Adam's wife Ashley have become my food companions recently. Adam's love for cooking and smoking and grilling appear to have translated to his daughter's taste buds. She'll eat anything.

Coconut lime ice cream bars

Cantaloupe agua fresca

Taco beef

I can't wait to see where her palate goes from here.

Here's a gallery from yesterday's rally:

I'LL TAKE RHETORICAL QUESTIONS FOR $1,000
[MENU WITH AN ATTITUDE]

You looking at me? You looking at me? You must be looking at me.

FIGHTING THE MAN WITH HOT BEVERAGES
[OCCUPY TASTE BUDS]

Conspiracy theories apparently require the occasional jolt of corporate caffeine.

THE LADIES GO CRAZY FOR A SHARP-DRESSED MAN
[BRIAN'S HOMECOMING WEEK]

Last week was Homecoming at Salad Boy's school. He's a junior now, so he has the confidence and standing to go all out when it comes to dressing up for the "theme days." during Spirit Week.

First up: Character Day.

For his character, Brian chose Rick Ross. [See previous post]

He and Corey. They be mates.

Second Day: Tacky Tourist

How deep did his character portrayal go?

He applied SPF 50. In October.

The ladies love a man in tropical prints.

Day Three theme: Color Block

Looks like someone had too much NyQuil in that last one.

Day Four: Nerd Day

He wears it a little too well. Then again, he's my son.

Chicks dig nerds.

Fifth Day theme: Black-Out

The theme was to wear all-black in honor of the school colors.

The dreads? Those were freelance.

Saw them in Goodwill attached to the hat and bought them because the color matched Brian's hair.

It certainly set him apart.

But the best thing he wore all week had nothing to do with costumes.

I think the bacon wallet sets this off. Accessories make the outfit.

Then again, it might be his handsomeness. Yeah, that's it.

I told him he looked like an international man of mystery.

Handsomeness didn't help his buddy Shawn show up on time.

All better.

Oh, to hear that conversation...

TRUST ME. I'M A DOCTOR.
[THINGS YOU SEE AT WORK]

Most days I at work when I walk from the parking garage to the News Center I see this vehicle.

Some days, seeing this car provides the bright spot amid a rather gloomy situation.

What's on the side?

Sales or baseball. Baseball or sales.

Either or.

Etc.

Handwriting, [blank] Names. Fill in the [blank]. It's a psychic Mad Lib.

Personal note: I was previously unaware that palms had two sides.

The things you learn ...

If his tag is any indication, he also enjoys excellent parking.

His bumper could have used a psychic. And a low deductible.

Let me categorically state: I LOVE THE EMINIZER. I do. Deep in places I don't talk about at cocktail parties. I need him in my life. So much so I considered hiring him to walk through the newsroom.

Then I considered what he might "predict." I didn't think we were emotionally stable enough to take the future truth.

I still might do it.

A few years back, he made the news by objecting to a requirement that all astrologers be fingerprinted:

Charles Eminizer, 68, who hires himself out as a psychic entertainer under the name Dr. Shane, can take the loophole. Look at him out of the corner of your eye and he seems to fit the profile. Think Dumbledore meets Chong. This is the face whoever wrote the fortune-teller ordinance had to have had in their head as they searched for words. But as a minister of the Universal Life Church, which charges nothing to register online, Eminizer is unaffected. He also opposes the idea of the city singling out fortune-tellers.

"Who are these people who are fortune-tellers? They're people trying to make a living the best way they can," he says. "This is just another way to hold poor people down."

Every so often, the magnetic panels swap out. It happened this week.

Ah, something seasonal. Very smart.

He knows if you've been sleeping. He knows when you're awake.

He doesn't know how to spell Christmas. Or Claus.

What do you want? He's Santa's brother. It's like going to see Gallagher's brother whack the watermelon. In the end, it's still not the real deal.

What do you get for your holiday psychic moolah? Here's a video sample:

VOTING WITH YOUR MOUTH
[FUN WITH ASIAN GROCERY LABELS]

I'll wait for the ramen referendum.

THERE'S A SUKA BORN EVERY MINUTE
[FUN WITH ASIAN GROCERY LABELS]

If the phrase "golden mushrooms" isn't yet a euphemism for something terrible, disgusting and depraved, it should be.

YOU CAN RING MY BELL
[IS THERE ANYBODY OUT THERE?]

If a bell rings in a restaurant and no one is there to hear it, did it really ring?