There was a time when we couldn’t believe the weather predictions, and some still don’t believe them. Or at least they don’t heed the warnings. We saw cars speeding down the road on our walk this morning, and one with its flashers, seemingly stuck in the middle of the road. I don’t want to judge, because maybe they were heading somewhere important; maybe they were an emergency worker or healthcare provider? I don’t know, but there have been a ton of requests to stay off the roads to let crews clear the roads. I have heard next to none, as our road is not a main thoroughfare.

My guy was supposed to work today, delivering Amazon packages, but luckily it was canceled. I’m extremely grateful he is home in this mess. Although tomorrow he will be back at it, delivering mail for USPS. You know: through rain, snow, sleet…etc. He has no choice there because he took an oath. So remember to clear out your mailboxes for these people. It’s hard enough. But today, he gets to kick back and sit by our fireplace. We are fairly prepared and not that nervous given we have lived in New Hampshire. This doesn’t scare us, although it’s been a while. Both of us used to work in this stuff, going out to help others who had trouble due to this weather: heart troubles from shoveling, slipping and falling, car accidents—you name it. We HAD to go out back then. Now our only obligation is Hank. And a bit of clearing until the crews can come and clear it all tomorrow.

Be safe out there!

I decided after my last pet died in Florida (a cat), having gone there with 3, one dog and 2 cats–I couldn’t stand seeing them get old and die anymore. Nor did I want the expense, the animal hair, the walking… ahhh, the walking.

And then my wonderful partner moved in with me. With a dog. You might ask why I couldn’t just tell him to get rid of the dog. Ha! Any of you pet owners, of which I was one for longer than I wasn’t, knows this would be like asking him to cut off his nose. That was simply out of the question. Nor did I want to. Hank is a decent fellow honestly. Except…except when Armageddon is about to take place!

Any of you who live in the US within the swath of this storm that is about to hit, understands what I am talking about. The freezing cold and snow is something I personally do not recall since the 70’s. I remember being in college when the governor shut down the state because the snow was so ridiculous. My boyfriend at the time (that’s what we called them then), and I cross country skied to the little store for milk and such. It was actually fun, but then, I was like 19 years old! Now I’m almost 70, and can barely walk some days.

But walk I did, with the boy. I am such a loyal blogger, I nearly froze my fingers off getting this photo! It’s single digits, but the wind-chill was -13! Yes, yes I know. Holy cow…what the heck. Hank, of course, didn’t feel a thing. He has his fur coat, unlike me, who had to take about 20 minutes to dress for it.

Does this make me officially a New Englander again? Actually, I felt fine. As long as my skin was covered. Hey, I used to train for the Boston Marathon in wind-chill like this! Twenty mile runs! What? The only thing exposed was our noses…and we would get so hot, we would generally be removing stuff. I don’t move that fast now, so I stay covered. Except to take photos, of course.

So, I did my due diligence, for both my guys. One for love, one because the pup needs to walk off his anxiety. I relate to anxiety, so I get it. That’s why I used to run and now move as much as I can. Has it helped him? Maybe not because he just ate a toy again. The only thing that really helps him is to have his dad home all the time. Actually I wouldn’t mind that either, but work is work. But walking him has helped my partner. He’s very grateful because when it was just those two, the dog was inside for hours at a time. I guess that’s good enough then. I will brave the elements for love, even if it’s just human love. Maybe someday Hank will actually say thanks too!

Yesterday I did a really dumb thing. Because I only had the ‘free’ form of WordPress, as I am starting out again, my data load for media and such is only 3GB. That isn’t really very much, especially since I already have a media file that has my photos from the past–or at least I think so. So, I figured I would test the waters before I simply bought a plan, me being the cheapskate that I am, and since I am not getting a whole lot of traction thus far, I decided to rid myself of some photos from the media library to make more room.

Yes, I did see the message, the very strong message btw, that reminded me that the photos would be permanently deleted if I removed them. I know, I know, but I began doing it anyway. Maybe it was the bad day I was having? A $1500 car bill, someone important in my life retiring (yes, good for him, but maybe not great for me in some ways)…yada yada. Right in the middle of a bunch of pages, me happily clicking away (and not seeming to gain much space anyway), it hit me like a gaggle of geese landing on my head: OH NO! I wonder if this will remove the photos from my posts??? You, I’m sure, know the answer.

Right around the time my pea brain was thinking this calamitous thought, a friend and faithful follower emailed me. And, you guessed it, asked: where are the photos from the latest post? They didn’t show up? The color drained from my face and my heart hit my heels… It really was a bad day after all, and I caused this part!

So, I’ve spent much of last night and today trying to recreate all the posts since I started up my blog again. It was during Tai Chi that I realized I could find most of the photos on Google photos, because I usually erase many from my ‘gallery’ area on my phone. When my brain was calm, this thought helped me to relax. And I found out that WordPress can connect to Google photos also! Ahhh, this was good news. Admittedly it took me a while to figure out how to fix it all…But I did it. And now I am working on older posts from 2019, where the photos have disappeared also.

This all spurred me to take the plunge and buy a personal account too. It’s cheap enough. I almost did the premier…but not yet. I only have a handful of faithfuls, so I’m not ready. But I will slowly update this old baby and maybe gather my peeps back. It’s still ok because I love doing it, even when I mess it up. At least it gives me something to write about!

Nutty dog…he lives a life a of leisure, yet does not take advantage of his luxuries. He’d rather sleep on the hard floor than
use his beautiful, new, cushy bed. There’s no figuring the mind of this fellow. Ha ha.

I met a man today while waiting to have my car repaired. He was a different kind of human when it came to showing the holiness of the creatures that walk this earth with us. So many get killed inadvertently due to our lifestyles, on roads because of traffic as they cross to get back to their dens and hidey holes. Some are large, some are small. It might be a back country road, or a giant highway where many pass, a long ago trail way, that all sort of animals walked, but now is sliced by a concrete divider. Millions are killed each year on our roads, often causing accidents–I was in one myself, avoiding a deer who jumped out in front of my car and dashed to the other side of the road. The deer was fine, as I careened over an embankment and rolled my car a few times and landed on the roof, totaling the car and myself. The recovery was long and painful, and I couldn’t understand why the deer picked me, a sworn vegan? But so it goes.

Luckily, many places now build special walkways for these animals to cross safely. You see them…it’s quite amazing. All sorts going over or under major highways. It seems they forget that they might be a predator, or prey. They simply need to get to the other side. And for the ones that don’t make it, well, there are folks like the man I met. They gather the roadkill, and if it isn’t too destroyed, they create. Some use their taxidermy skills on the animals they find to make art or clothing. If the ecosystem hasn’t done its job too well yet (the scavengers like the turkey vultures or bugs), then these humans play their part to help clean up the environment. See for yourself… It was a freezing day here in New England, but this man wasn’t cold at all! He took a tip from the old settlers and made something to keep himself warm. What do you think? Would you wear it? I was quite impressed. This creature will live forever now thanks to him, and its death wasn’t for nothing.

If only I was old enough to have been there that day
If only what he said would come true today
If only he could have lived long enough
If only the world wasn’t so tough
If only peace was the path
If only humans didn’t show their wrath
If only non-violence was the choice
If only love was our loudest voice
If only he was here right now
If only fate would have allowed
If only love could prevail
We would not fail

I guess I’m a person that needs lots of warmth, both physically and emotionally. It seems like the Universe always tests us though, and life becomes the grounds for learning about our needs. Nothing is ever handed to us, then how would we deepen and grow as a person. If, as a human who loves emotional closeness from those near to me, simply received it all the time, maybe it wouldn’t be as sweet when I did? I’m not sure. But it does seem like emotionally cool people are often in my circle, flickering to my flame. And sometimes this can feel like it sucks the oxygen out of my fire.

The world does this to me too. It always has, and always will, especially in these trying times. I cannot shut the world out. While I can limit the sound of the others who are out there, living, breathing, doing the best they can under the circumstances–I cannot, nor do I want to shut out completely my fellow humans. I share this planet with them…so far. I am not a hermit. Not yet anyway. And while I still live among others, I feel their pain, their lives rubbing up against mine. Those that can live in a bubble–I do not understand how one can compartmentalize their lives while they go about walking next to the rest of us. It’s just not something I fathom. It protects them from seeing something they may not want to I suppose, but that is just the point: wearing blinders as we walk through the world shows us only a limited perspective.

So, I choose to see it all, feel it all, hear it all, even if it hurts. It is hard to sort through what is real these days, and that is a sad thing. That hurts in, and of itself. But not looking at all, not being warm, choosing to be cool in a world that’s on fire–that seems the most painful thing of all.

Cotton clings
cold fluff caught
upon outstretched arms
It sits
waiting
to melt
like my heart
held
for too long
in the solitary
silence
from which I stare

For those of you who know the rift that had existed between my oldest daughter and me for some time, I share this quick post. Recently I received an unexpected package in the mail. She had asked for my mailing address recently, and I figured it was to send a thank you note for helping out with some unexpected costs incurred during her difficult child birth experience. I’m always happy to do such things, as my mother, her grandma, was also generous in this way with me (and us). But instead, I got a package from UPS late one night from her.

I was very excited to open it, as I don’t receive much from my kids. It’s fine, they are busy and I don’t need much either. I’ve always impressed upon them that there are other ways besides ‘things’ that are important to give, although, admittedly, I’m a big gift giver myself. Usually I give homemade or recycled things–items that were precious to me. It’s rare that I buy something, but on occasion, I do.

When I opened the box, inside was a card, with incredibly beautiful sentiments, thanking me for all I’ve done recently. The acknowledgement meant the world to me. It’s easy for me to feel forgotten and disregarded in general, it’s my internal history, but especially when it comes to her. So this was such a blessing. Inside was a wrapped gift that contained a book filled with photos, pulled from the app they use to post all the pictures of my grand kids and some of them as a family. It brought me to tears. For sure, I’m the sentimental one of my two daughters and me–those gals being more reticent, at least to me anyway. This window into their world showed me something I don’t often get to see of my daughter, a softer side, the motherly side, the grown up woman shining her love on her family. It was incredibly beautiful.

When I thought about how she took the time, amidst the chaos of giving birth, being hospitalized after it, having guests in and out, having a newborn, having a two year old…recovering, yet still taking the time to send me this gift, I was touched. It almost meant more than the gift itself. The inscription in the book (which is something I always do when I give a book to someone), was so warm too, yet another sign that we are mending.

I sent her a card to let her know just how much it meant to me so she would have something tangible to read someday. And I will keep the card she sent inside the book. Today her sister and my ex are flying to visit them all. I’m melancholy that it’s not me, but my time will come, because like the note said: she is looking forward to me meeting my grandson and for me to get to know my granddaughter better and spend more time with her.

Me too.