I mean seriously, when was the last time you defragmented your hard drive(s)? By the way something I’ve discovered over the years is that listening to other people’s advice about how to take care of computers doesn’t often help anyone. Other than shutting down rather than just powering off, but these days even that has become somewhat obsoleted what with power buttons being linked to the shutdown command by software on modern windows systems and I’d presume apple systems as well. The big one that I’ve never followed and I suspect has worked out well for me is leaving my computers on all the time rather than turning everything off when I’m not using them. It seems like every person I’ve ever known who has told me to do that has gone through more systems in any given range of time than I have.

Anyway alcohol continues to be the cure for intelligence (that is if you imbibe enough you become a moron) so I figured that I would share some observations of mine on drinking.

  • first of all don’t drink alcohol, it’s not good for you.
  • if you are going to drink alcohol then after taking a swig (this especially applies to hard alcohol) inhale through your nose instead of your mouth despite the usual inclination people have to choke themselves on the alcohol fumes. Doing this will exponentially cut down on the coughing and hacking you experience when drinking. Breath out through your mouth for maximum effect. Probably.
  • if you’re going to drink alcohol then drink weak alcohol so that you might come to your senses and stop drinking before you do something you’ll regret.
  • at least drink something that tastes good like a pina colada
  • don’t get drunk
  • if you get drunk then make sure you either have nowhere to go or some way to get there that doesn’t rely on your impaired coordination.
  • don’t spend a lot of money on alcohol, it’s really not worth it
  • no matter how good any given alcohol tastes there will always be something non-alcoholic that tastes better which is a lot cheaper. So mix that in with it.
  • alcohol doesn’t mix well with a variety of other chemicals so you really should heed those warnings on your medications.
  • wanting to drink alcohol is not a good reason to stop taking your medication
  • dying from alcohol poisoning is slightly less about how much you drink and more about how quickly you drink it.
  • Most of the time you’re better off to get your own booze but it’s really hard to turn it down most of the time.
  • alcohol makes any wedding better, except your own.
  • mimosas and screwdrivers are a lot better than bloody marys if you’re at a morning wedding.
  • It’s better to eat while drinking booze but don’t eat too much or you’ll just make yourself more sick.
  • if you get really nauseous when drinking then it’s not for you
  • if you get hangovers every time you drink it’s not for you.
  • if you’re not straightened out within a couple hours of drinking then it’s not for you.
  • although alcohol enhances canadian television it detracts from british television.