I picked up a bottle of “pomegranate liqueur” the other day for a euro. A EURO for a liter bottle of booze! I thought this was a great price so even though I don’t like pomegranates and was out buying something else I picked it up. If I’d have stopped to think about it for a minute I would have realized that there’s no way it would even taste like it was worth a euro, I’m not even sure it tastes like it’s worth a dollar although it tastes about as bad as a dollar. But I had success the last time I picked up a bargain bottle of hooch when I grabbed some mango schnapps so I gave it a try and regret it somewhat. Bargain alcohol; it’s not.
And so with this in mind I have temporarily (I always take it up again later) given up alcohol once again. Mostly because I’ve drunk (I’m dumping the pom) all the alcohol that I have and blew through my windfall already but that’s another story. I have decided to take this opportunity to make a list of what my favorite things to drink on any given occasion are. Things will be in the order presented.
Overall: water, lemonade, cola, juice, soda, alcohol, tea, milks, broth, coffee, misc.
After getting out of the shower: cola, beer, orange juice, any cocktail.
Watching sports on tv: beer, hard alcohol, water, soda.
Relaxing at home: gimlet, pina colada, rum, margarita, brandy, wine, gin, water, juice.
With food: broth, screwdriver (orange juice and any hard alcohol usually), juice, water, milk.
Casual night out: cola, gimlet, pina colada, daiquiri, lemonade, rum and coke, beer, mineral water.
Over ice cream: balsamic vinegar (silver from Reggio Emila or gold from RE or Modena only, the biggest perversion in my life is to put 25 year old balsamic on generic peppermint ice cream), dulce de leche, kirschwasser (the only german thing that I tolerate), lemonade, juice, flavored syrup (ice cream topping).
Formal night out: bottled water (clear head), gimlet, brandy, wine, martini, mineral water, sparkling water, soda (usually to piss someone off, go to a nice restaurant and ask for limonada or coca-cola if you’re sure they don’t have it and then say “well if you don’t have that then just make me a double martini since it will obviously be a long night”).
Sporting event: beer, cola, sports drink.
Watching a Sitcom: strong beer, hard alcohol, lemonade.
When invited to someone’s house: if you like them whatever they offer, if you dislike them the best thing that they have regardless of whether you like it or not.
When serving someone at your house: If you like them; the best thing you have or whatever they want or like (if you really like them you know what they like and will have it to offer), if you hate them then make cheap instant coffee or tea (preferably past date); whichever they don’t like using tap water and without offering milk or sweetener, even if you have any lie and say you’re out if asked.
with cake (excepting cheesecake): milk, red tea, juice, champagne, mimosas, coffee
with cheesecake: thai iced tea (smells like cigarettes tastes like cane sugar), gin or anything likely mixed with gin, water.
with pie: wine, soda, water, herb (such as peppermint) tea.
with cookies: milk, cocoa, tea, coffee
just to drink something: pink lemonade (better fucking be more sour than sweet), water, soda, beer, cocktails, green tea, herb tea, white tea, red tea, black tea.
And so on, you get the idea. Feel free to write in with requests like weddings at different times (bloody marys, screwdrivers, cranberry juice, orange juice, soda, champagne, and mimosas when it’s in the morning for example) which now that I think about it pretty much comes down to something for kids to drink, cheap booze, hard booze, and expensive booze. And indeed perhaps that’s what life comes down to. You reach a certain age and you just take any excuse to drink alcohol even if you’d probably have been happier with cola or lemonade.
The Sky Before Dawn 