Before you criticize the teaching below – know that I am preaching to myself as much as the rest of the world – know that I am generally at the other end of the spectrum from being a bleeding heart, messy mercy, greasy grace preacher – know that I am a guy, a trained engineer, that wants to fix everything (from a failing wastewater system, to a poorly managed government office, from the lives of the indigent to the economy of the United States and beyond).
I know what you are about to read is good counsel, is God counsel, because I have been there (both sides).
Out here in Colorado, our greetings to our family, friends, acquaintances, and even strangers, generally goes something like, “Hey, How is it going?” or “Hi, How are you?” or the one I like, “Howdy?” (the West’s one-word contraction for “How you doing?”). For all these greetings, if one sticks around long enough to hear the response, the asker is anticipating a positive answer such as, “I’m doing alright. “ or “Much better, thank you.” (by chance do you know what they are much better about?) or the mono-syllabic , “Fine.” Reception of one of these affirmative claims may allow for further communication. However, most of us are caught speechless when the responder is honest enough (or hurting enough) to share their despair (or their pain or frustrations), “I am having a horrible week,” “My kids are driving me crazy, I can’t pay rent and the car needs tires,” or “I have been sick all week and can’t afford to see the doctor.” What do you say to that? What is your response? Are their troubles their problem? Their own fault? If only…
Perhaps if we look at Job’s friends we might learn how to minister to the Job’s we may encounter in our lives. Let’s examine both the good, as well as, the bad counsel of his three friends.
Good Counsel:
· Even though it is difficult at times, we can assume that all three had good intentions and really did desire to help Job and see him reach full recovery. A non-biblical saying comes to mind here: “The road to hell is paved with good intentions.”
· Eliphaz gives Job a complimentary word in Chapter 4, verse 3 thru 4.
Think how you (Job) have instructed many,
how you have strengthened feeble hands.
Your words have supported those who have stumbled;
you have strengthened faltering knees.
Even though it appears that Eliphaz was just softening Job up with these flattering words, so that he could pass judgment on him, the words of praise are a good thing, especially if he would have stopped and shut-up right there.
· Eliphaz encourages Job to seek God in his afflictions and reminds him of God’s Omnipotence and loving care for his people.
Bad Counsel:
· In 4:5-11, Eliphaz tells Job to be confident in his own piety (fear of, reverence for, and devotion to God) and that it will count to God, and that even though God is chastening (correcting or disciplining) him for some sin, it will come to some good, and he can be assured that God will not destroy him along with the wicked. Note: Eliphaz’s discourse is as rambling as the run-on sentence above.
· Eliphaz makes light of Job’s afflictions and passes judgment upon Job, calling his religious beliefs hypocritical. Ironically this is the same accusation that Satan made of Job to God. The great theologian, Matthew Henry noted :
Those that pass rash and uncharitable censures upon their brethren, and condemn them as hypocrites, do Satan’s work, and serve his interest, more than they are aware.
· Bildad is more brief, albeit blunt and to-the-point in condemning his “friend” Job, pointing out that Job’s evilness is what has brought about these afflictions upon Job.
· Zophar not only accuses Job of being sinful, but that Job does not even know God, because if he did, he surely would be penitent and asking God for mercy and restoration to God.
Job’s overall response to his friends can be found in the following Scripture:
My eyes have seen all this, my ears have heard and understood it.
What you know, I also know; I am not inferior to you.
But I desire to speak to the Almighty and to argue my case with God.
You, however, smear me with lies; you are worthless physicians, all of you!
If only you would be altogether silent!
For you, that would be wisdom.
Your maxims are proverbs of ashes; Your defenses are defenses of clay.
Keep silent and let me speak; then let come to me what may. [Job 13:1-5, 12, 13]
And,
I have heard many things like these; miserable comforters are you all!
Will your long winded speeches never end?
What ails you that you keep on arguing?
I also could speak like you, if you were in my place;
I could make fine speeches against you and shake my head against you.
But my mouth would encourage you; comfort from my lips would bring you relief. [Job 15:2-5]
With friends like Job’s who needs enemies?
Now we all have been taught that we reap what we sow We know (or find out soon enough) that if we live the wild life we (or our friends and family) will likely have to face the negative consequences of such a life. However, not all suffering is a result of personal sin. And even if it is, the person in pain and grief, is not necessarily in need of the advice that Job’s friends prevailed upon him. Libraries and bookstores are shelf-full of self-help solutions to our sufferings, that are assumed to be self-created by our thoughts and habits.
Job’s friends spew forth much truth and perhaps wisdom. But, truth misapplied and mal-appropriated can be dangerous, destructive and downright annoying.
What did Job need? What does your suffering friend or family member need? What does last weeks lonely man in the pew need?
A friend!
ü Someone who will just sit with them, in silence with a listening ear. God gave us two ears and only one mouth. Maybe because he thought listening was twice as important as speaking. Some argue, “It is difficult for me to be around the suffering, I don’t ever know what to say.” My response to that argument, “Then, say nothing.”
ü Someone who will see and meet a need. Shovel the sidewalk, cook a meal, vacuum or do the dishes, wash the car, watch the kids. Those that are hurting, often find it difficult to do even the simplest things and when they don’t get done, they slip even further into the abyss of despair. Don’t ask them if they need anything – just do whatever God leads you to do. The suffering do not know what to tell you to do or where to start.
ü Someone who needs them. Let them know you care – words, cards, cash. A Hallmark moment could last for weeks. Let them know, as Eliphaz did, how they have helped others, but stop with the praise – go no further. Ask them to help you with something within their expertise or gifting (like how to write bylaws for a non-profit). Keep it simple. Don’t expect perfection. Be appreciative.
ü Someone who will agree with them in prayer. Don’t tell them you will be praying for them. Pray for them then and there. Call them to pray with them. DO NOT PREACH while you pray. Such prayers equivocate you with Job’s friends.
ü Someone to notice. Eye contact, a smile, a pat on the shoulder, a “glad to see you.” The man in the pew may appear to want to be invisible, but he would not be there, at all, if that is what he wanted.
See the hurting soul, in the pew, at the mall, in Starbucks, in the car next to you.
Be their friend.
Be Jesus!
Rattle The Fence Blog 