A Haboob is a wind storm. I first saw the term in a media article about a windstorm in Phoenix. A typo, resulted in a headline something like “Baboon tears through Downtown Phoenix. It was funny and caught my attention.Since ihold some strong beliefs and can bee long-winded, it felt like it captured part of who i am.

About some things, I can be called an independent thinker. i don’t accept that because someone in some position of authority says something, It must be true.

If it isn’t consistent with my experience, with what I’ve observed during my life, I will require data to support the notion.

So, If it doesn’t “feel right,” I’ll look for evidence that supports or negates the idea.

I taught at a public University for 20 years.I do not agree that education consists of students memorizing things.There are some basics that must be memorized, granted. The times table comes to mind. And yes, i still rely on the memorized times table when making calculations.Calculators make knowing the times table less crucial, but I still find it handy.

So, I will concede we need to memorize certain things: formulae, rules of grammar, and other basic information.

Learning these basics, while part of an education is not in themselves, education. In fact. they are a stepping stone, and a minor one at that.

Education is not learning What to think. Education is learning HOW to think.

I don’t have a problem when people have different beliefs or attitudes than me. In fact, disagreement and diversity in thought is a good thing, a very good thing. Listening to opposing ideas helps me find weak spots in my own beliefs, which allows me to refine those beliefs, and improving the logic. It also can suggest other, different approaches to solutions I probably wouldn’t have thought of.

I’ve said many times that if I were the president, I would have at least two articulate, thoughtful close advisors who were very conservative. Their role would not be to change my attitudes or policies, but would be to help me identify areas for improvement spark more creative, possibly effective policies.

Besides that, discussing/debating ideas can be great fun. Some of my students in my History and Systems of Psychology classes might remember class discussions where I strongly advocated a given position and when the class was close to reaching a consensus and agreeing with my argument, I would without warning switch and argue the other side. Now THAT was fun! Thinking, analyzing “stretching the brain muscles” is my idea of a good time.

So, I welcome honest, thoughtful difference of opinion as long as it’s not accompanied by dismissive personal attacks and insults.

But……..

There are some things I do not welcome, that are completely unacceptable to me.

Racism: If you’re racist and you know it, please refrain from expressing it around me. I have no tolerance for blind, ignorant hate.

What about people who are racist and don’t know it? Sadly, this describes a lot of people. An understanding of it is not intuitive. A person needs to step out of his/her own experience, search for the perspective of others. That’s not easy, either. “Ask a fish to describe water.” We experience the world through the lens of our own personal history, group memberships, and idiosyncratic traits and abilities. We stereotype members of other groups (helps with managing the huge amount of information we have to process on a daily basis) and we unconsciously see our group as better. Racism and prejudice is, to a degree, inevitable. But it’s not acceptable.

If you haven’t thought about these things, as especially if your exposure to other groups is limited, you are prejudiced. And, if you’re White, you’re racist. What about Blacks, Latinx, Asians, Native Americans? Aren’t they also racist? No. Racism is when the group with the most power discriminates against members of lesser power groups. Are members of those other groups prejudiced and treat White people “unfairly?” You betcha. But it’s not racism.

Anyone who has spent a lot of time in the US (and Europe, etc.) has been bombarded with racist messages. All the time. That’s fact. Sometimes it’s amazingly subtle, sometimes very blatant. So, all of us have prejudiced/racist beliefs and assumptions. Feeling fine with having those beliefs and treating people differently because of it – that I have a problem with. If you’re racist but don’t know it, I won’t give it a pass – it IS unacceptable. But you do have the obligation to acknowledge it (even if only to yourself) and challenge it. If you’re racist, don’t know it, but are just fine with it when it appears, keep it away from me. Refrain from expressing it around me.

If you’re sexist, same thing. Refrain from expressing it around me. However, it is true that our culture has strong, well-defined and prescriptive sex roles and we are expected to conform to them. So, it may be legitimate to observe that women are more likely to cry than men. We’ve been raised to see that as “what women are like,” whereas men are strongly shamed for crying. However, if you say “women are more emotional than men,” I’ll expect you to back that statement up with compelling, scientific research. Otherwise, keep that crap away from me.

If you’re homophobic, please don’t express it around me. I realize that some religions teach that homosexuality is a sin. My faith (Unitarian Universalism) regards sexual orientations other than heterosexuality as normal, and not a sin. The American Psychological Association and American Psychiatric Associations likewise view sexual orientations as healthy and normal. I will not condemn you if your faith requires you to see it as “wrong.” Faith is a complex thing. I was raised that you did not question what the church taught and that you would go to hell if you did. So, I can see how some people might feel they have no choice but to deem other forms of sexuality as wrong. But that does not make it ok to discriminate or otherwise disadvantage GLBT folks. If you feel it’s a sin and choose to engage in a heterosexual, monogamous relationship, I support that. But please refrain from making negative comments or advocating different treatment of GLBT people around me.

Xenophobia is another one. If you think people from other countries are inferior, please refrain from saying that around me. I will acknowledge that there are countries I will not choose to visit because of how women or other groups are treated in those countries. I will even say I believe their laws and customs are unacceptable to me. But please refrain from insisting all Muslims are murderous jihadists, or similar. And while I’m at it, Haiti and various African countries are not “shitholes.” While some of them are facing serious problems, I don’t want to hear hate speech.

So, while I welcome different ideas, opinions, political and religious perspectives, I object strenuously to racism, sexism, homophobia, and xenophobia. Please keep it off of my page.

Oh, and while I’m thinking about it, I hear a lot of criticisms of millenials. This is not the same as the hates I’ve listed above, but people have been dissing younger generations for, well…millennia. Socrates is credited with saying “the children now love luxury. They have bad manners, contempt for authority, they show disrespect for elders and love chatter in place of exercise.” Maybe that was true then, and maybe it was true of my generation (Boomers), but Millenials and Gen Zs are impressive. They will be our salvation.

Are mass shooters mentally ill? A few thoughts and my opinion.

Are people who commit mass murder with guns mentally ill? For most of us, our first response would be “yes!” But what do we mean by mentally ill? For politicians, whatever is convenient seems to be the answer.

Oftentimes, “mentally ill” refers to people with a psychiatric diagnosis. That seems fairly clear cut, doesn’t it? But maybe not. How many people reading this are taking an anti-depressant or anxiety meds? (Rhetorical, please don’t answer.) Let’s take my Facebook Friends group. I wouldn’t be surprised if (of those with access to health care and can afford it) more are currently or at some point have taken meds for depression and/or anxiety than have not.

Is this who we mean when we say mass shooters are mentally ill? If so, then yes, a lot of shooters may be mentally ill because most of us are mentally ill. When a term describes everyone (or a majority) it describes no one. This is not to diminish the struggles of people dealing with anxiety or depression. It is meant to put into perspective the acts of shooters compared to most of us.

When I was in college, I minored in criminology and took a few crim law classes and mass killings wind up involving both psychiatry and the law. A current example is the mass shooter who started his killing spree in Michigan two years ago. He is pleading not guilty by reason of insanity. “Insanity” is a legal term, by the way, not a psychiatric term. After he was arrested, this guy claimed a devil took control of him by the Uber app on his phone. Uhuh. Color me skeptical.

“Back in the day,” NGRI was defined by the M’Naugten rule. The basic question is did the person know what s/he was doing was wrong at the time s/he did it. If no, the person was to be declared not guilty and not punished for the act. These mass shooters pretty clearly know they are doing something wrong, or at least something against the law. But the law being what it is, there are questions about what even that means.

What would seemingly be clear cut isn’t. The same act could result in being declared a legal act or one that earns the killer the death penalty. The reasons why someone commits the act matter. Killing another person is illegal. That is, unless the killing was committed in self-defense or the defense of another. Mass shooters shoot because they want to most often. They shoot out of rage, not fear. Insanity does not apply.

Another example (imperfect for obvious reasons), would be two people take their own lives. The first person stepped off the roof of a 25 story building. Why? S/he believed s/he could fly. This sounds like it would qualify as mentally ill. The second person took an overdose of opioid pain meds because s/he had a incurable, terminal illness. Mentally ill? Probably not. Not in my book, anyway.

Are mass shooters mentally ill, but have so far escaped diagnosis? Most mass shooters (and serial killers) are described as “a nice, quiet guy, good neighbor,” etc. Then, after the surprise wears off, people who knew the shooter begin to recall ways in which the shooter was a little “funny,” “a loner,” and so on. The shooter goes from “nice, quiet guy” to “ready to explode.” Some clearly seem to have signs of mental illness, such as the guy in Florida (Cruz) and Newtown (Lanza). But it’s important to remember that the event changes our memories, and we alter our recollections to fit the data. Hindsight, and all that.

When thinking about who would commit such acts, a lot of us may think “That guy is bug-shit crazy.” But that isn’t what mentally ill refers to. In fact, I suspect most of them suffer from a character deficiency, not mental illness. Clearly, there seems to be a lack of empathy, a failure to recognize and/value others and the rights of others. There are some psychiatric diagnoses that apply (character disorders such as anti-social personality or narcissism), but that cuts no ice for me. It doesn’t “excuse” their act. It just means they’re evil.

Labeling shooters “mentally ill” has a negative effect on people actually struggling with a psychiatric condition. Already marginalized, they become even more likely to be targeted by violence, lack of support, and social condemnation.

This blog is a collection of my musings, observations, feelings and thoughts. If you find anything that interests you, welcome! If not, see ya later!

I am progressive, feminist, LGBT ally, welcoming of immigrants, believe Black Lives Matter and I’m not shy about expressing my views. However, I’m open to hearing what other people think as long as input is respectful. I’m not interested in changing minds or “winning the argument.” Dude, I got all the validation I need as an intelligent thinker when I got my Ph.D. Yup, if anyone wants to have a contest, mine is pretty big. For those not interested in comparing penis size, cool! That’s more fun.

I am now retired and spend my days writing, dabbling in painting and photography. I love music, dance, theatre, and baseball. Los Angeles Dodgers ROCK! Whoooooo!

Comments and thoughts are welcome.

A lot of people are talking about narcissists these days. Many mental health scientists have openly stated they believe Trump is a narcissist. I agree with them.
I am trained as a social/personality psychologist, so although I don’t work directly with or diagnose people in therapy or coping with mental illness, I can recognize a duck when I see one. I may, however miss some of the finer, technical points. Also, I suspect clinicians may feel narcs are less hopeless than I do.

I’m familiar with narcissism both academically and I have known some narcissists personally. Narcs become narcs due to childhood abuse (and the emotional abuse they get is profound). When taking into consideration the genetic link, it seems reasonable most narcs had narc parents or grandparents. There is a suffocation of the child’s personality, and the child exists only for whatever suits the parents, with no rights, and a loss of even selfhood. The child is told what to feel, when to feel it, how to feel it and how to express it. The child can never really earn the parent’s respect or approval because the parent’s needs are never fulfilled. Affection, “love,” approval are all very conditional, and have to constantly be earned and re-earned.

I don’t believe “evil” exists as described in religious frameworks. And, my own deeply rooted personal belief is that people, if given the opportunity, are decent and kind. But we are all multifaceted and we all have aggressive, violent impulses, we all are selfish at times, we all lie, and none of us are perfect. That said, I see people as being basically good.

Please note that my personal views and philosophies are different from those I hold as a scientist. My scientific framework is that humans nature is neutral, innately neither good nor bad. But, me – the deep down, gut-level, pre-cognitive, bed rock me believes people are basically good.

Narcs are evil, Full blown narcs are beyond redemption. Evil, evil, evil. While i have tremendous sympathy for what narcs endured in childhood, I’ll avoid known narcs like the plague.

There is a wide range of severity in narcissistic traits and it is most likely on a continuum. Everyone has some narcissistic flashes and we all exhibit narcissistic behaviors at times. Imagine how difficult life would be if we were unable to put ourselves first when we need to.

Those people who are somewhat narcissistic may, with proper support, therapy, motivation and medication may be able to change and overcome it Stone-cold narcs are beyond redemption. Don’t even try. Look at it this way: we may feel sorry for a rabid dog (who doesn’t weep for Old Yeller?) but we don’t crawl into the cage with him or take him to a day care facility, do we?

Full blown narcs may be aware they are narcs, but most do not seek treatment. They see no reason to. They’re fine with being a narc. Some may be forced into therapy by family members or the courts, but it’s a waste time and resources. Some find therapy to be very pleasant. They have a captive audience who is not supposed to judge them. Narcs are really good at manipulating therapists and often find their therapist very supportive. Eventually, though, after a year or two or four. the therapist catches on and the narc is forced to find a new shrink-pal. I personally know one who has been in therapy for at least the last 19 years. I’ve lost count of how many he’s burned through.

Narcs have no ethics and no empathy. They will present as whatever someone wants them to be for as long as it gets the narc what the narc wants. They lie easily and continuously.Some prefer to lie because they feel pleasure in putting one over on the other person: validation the narc is better than everyone else.

Narcs are incapable of love. They don’t even love themselves. That, actually, is the root of the pathology. They feel so worthless and horrible that they construct a carefully tended facade. When anyone threatens that facade, they react quickly and strongly. These “narcissistic insults” will be acted on and the narc will be compelled to seek revenge.

Many women are finding out how extreme their exes are when the relationship ends. Even if the breakup is the choice of the narc, the narc will be seek revenge. Someone said, “if a narc can’t have you, he’ll want you dead.” It’s all about control and how they are better than everyone else.

I’m not sure how women narcs manifest when relationships ends.In fact, I’m not as familiar with how they present as I am with male narcs. Narcs have different power levels and socially defined roles due to gender. Since in most divorces, the mother usually has primary custody, narc fathers use the courts as a weapon against their exes. They lie, file false charges, and essentially do anything and everything they can to harass the ex-wife. Researchers have begun to refer to this as “stalking using the family courts.” Unfortunately, the courts operate under serious bias and the chances of the father severely injuring the ex are good. The narc will not restrain his behavior for the sake of the kids. For one thing, narcs don’t see others as separate from themselves. Other people are just there, to be used and/or discarded according to whatever suits their needs.

Courts and many therapists operate on the wrong assumption that contentious divorces are because both parents are unreasonable, out for revenge, and unable to put the kids first. This is true in some (many?) cases, but not all. Not when a narc is involved. The ex and the children are victims and often suffer severe damage as a result.

It’s ok to feel sorry for a narc, but it’s vital to understand they aren’t like the rest of the world. Don’t climb into the cage with Old Yeller. It will end badly every single time.

You’ve heard that old saw, “I looked into the abyss and it looked back at me?” or similar? Getting to know a few narcs very well, and understanding how their minds work left me profoundly shaken. It must be like what those who liberated the concentration camps felt like.

I looked into the abyss, and the abyss scared the holy hell out of me and left scars. There are some things we just are better off not seeing too closely.

That’s what evil is.

One more thing to remember about narcs: In order to be the hero of their story, they must have a villain. And there is ALWAYS a villain.

Also important to remember that being born with a genetic predisposition to narcissism, and/or exposed to strong emotional abuse in childhood, it’s not a given that a person will become a narcissist. If the child has one person in her/his life that shows the child kindness and models a different way of being, the child may escape becoming a narcissist. In fact, those who suffer as children often become more deeply empathetic and kind as adults.

Why two children from the same family respond differently is an interesting question. Some people are said to be “more resilient” than others. Also, children who are valued less (say, in a strongly sexist family that sees females as inferior beings), a boy child may have a harder time escaping. As long as a child clings to the hope s/he may one day be loved/approved of by the parent, the child will keep trying.