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I’d embed the video, but I can’t figure out how. Ok, the preview tells me the video is embedded. Carry on.
Merry Christmas…you’ve made my list…my “special” list
]]>I’m sitting in my chair, reading a book while the lil’ Asian chicky does her pedi-thing, when she asks me something. I have no fucking clue what she said. I don’t think it was English at all. She repeated herself and I still didn’t get it. 4 times I had her repeat what she said, but got squat. I think I heard “spa pedicure” but I have no idea. I pointed to the lil’ menu for what I wanted (not the spa pedicure) and she nodded. Then she rattled something else off. Another round of WTF. I just ended up nodding. I don’t usually have an issue w/ accents, but there was no cracking this one. For all I know, I agreed to marry someone.
After a quick foot massage, she started “painting”. And by painting I mean, slopping white over half the nail, tidying it up and placing ONE coat of a pinkish clear polish over that. I’m slightly annoyed, but it’s my feet. Whatevs, I probably won’t be wearing open-toed or flippys much longer anyway.
And then the mani part. She asks me something that I can’t understand again but she does, however, manage to speak clearly later on when it was, “You pay now” time. I assume she’s asking about the shape of the nails so I tell her I want them squared. Well to her squared means hauling out a clipper and hacking the nail off and then filing what’s left to a nub. It’s not like I had claws to begin with, but they were a little shorter than this pic:
Now, all my nails were reduced to being just a teeny bit above the quick. And that thick tip of white that you see on those nice nails in the pic? That globby mess gets applied to my nubs, only somehow she manages to make it look crappier than the pedicure. You know what makes the french manicure work? Having an actual nail to paint the tip onto. Otherwise, unless you do a thin white tip, it just doesn’t work. The tips look lumpy and the line isn’t even at all.
After I see the first hand, I give up on even mentioning it to her, since I already decided that I’m taking the polish off when I get home and the communication problems we’ve had don’t bode well for getting her to fix the nails. So instead of the sleek nails I was hoping for, I got french manicured nubs, that looked grubby.
I’m pretty sure that my face is showing how utterly pissed off I am, since she asked “You ok?” Yes, bitch, I’m thrilled that I wasted my afternoon with you when I could have just had a neighborhood spawn-child do the EXACT same thing to my nails w. her Bonnie Bell kit.
I get my bill, which was more than I thought it would be, which pissed me off even more. There wasn’t a line for a tip, which is just as well, since halfway thru the hacking, I decided she wasn’t getting a tip. I sit for a minute in front of a little fan drying my nails and then all my fury starts setting in. I jump up, grab my purse and march out. All the lil’ chickys are saying “be careful” as I stomp, since I might ruin my nails, I yank open the door far harder than I needed to and practically sprint out of there.
The urge to kill has rarely been that strong outside of work. I bought a tiramisu at Whole Foods to make me feel better and after nomming that I redid my nails while taking in the splendor that was Marc Singer‘s jeans in the original V miniseries.
So, if you have a friend that you’re really pissed at, send her to Tenley Nails and ask for Kathy. Trust me, this is better than saying she does look fat in those jeans.
]]>My apt is is only 520 sq ft, so I’m not sure getting a 2nd kitty for company would be a great idea. Plus, I’m sure there’s nothing a dude loves to hear more than “I’m 30, single, live in a basement studio and have 2 cats. Wanna bang?”
So I leave the TV on Animal Planet (I doubt he would like Sci-Fi SyFy) when I’m gone, but this morning I remembered there are cat DVDs.
DVD For Cats: While You Are Gone or DVD For Cats: This is Why I'm Never Getting Laid Again
There is also a companion cd with such stirring musical numbers as “Twisted Whisker” and I Am Cat, Hear Me Roar”:
Music Cats Love: While You Are Gone OR Music Cats Love: Play this Loudly to Drown Out Your Sobs
Then there’s the Cat Sitter DVD series. It’s very hard to argue with the stellar reviews. “Cats across the country have ecstatically reviewed this lively production. Murray in Phoenix writes: ‘When my human gets home, I lead her straight to the TV. If only I had thumbs to operate the remote.’ Mavis in Savannah raves: ‘I’m positive it’ll win this year’s prestigious Hairball Award!'”
My question is, if I order the dvd should I go ahead and order the ugly bedroom slippers and extra batteries for the vibrator? Because after this post, it’s just going to be me and Waldo, the Adult Pleasure Device for a long, looooooooong time.
]]>Saturday night was the ever so awesome #pbandtuna. Once Flippy and I had sufficiently carbed up on Pizza Boli’s and gave up on the cab I ordered from Comfort Cab (who NEVER called me to let me know my cab arrived) , we snagged a Barwood cab #692 whose driver was a saint for pulling into a parking lot and waiting for us to sprint across Wisconsin Ave. to get to him.
At Stetson’s, I got to meet some of the coolest peeps that I stalk on the Twitters and blogs, but fer realzy we need nametags or a cheatsheet for keeping the real names and the Twitter/blog names straight. LiLu has an awesome linkage thing going on her site and once I stalk through the pics on Facebook, expect friend requests from me.
Some highlights as best I can remember:
- SEEING MY KATERTOT!!!!!!
- Getting my ass grabbed by Lexa
- getting tied w/ 12minds in our impromptu “beaner off”. I still say you look more Hispanic than I do. Re-count!!
- Flippy and I stealing JP and dmbosstone‘s drinks
- possibly walking down U St. with a sombrero. That part’s a lil fuzzy.
- stumbling to Maxie‘s and Cavy‘s hotel room and having a slumber party at 3 am. 6 girls, 2 beds and no, we didn’t have a pillow fight in our undies. Or did we?
- Looking like the walk of shame personified in the Breakfast Room at the hotel as I continentaled my breakfast
- finding out that I stole drinks the next morning via Twitter
- the accusatory look that the Pizza Boli’s delivery boy gave me after coming to my apt twice in less than 24 hours.
- dying of death so bad, that not even Gilmore Girls could bring me back
LiLu, you and Maxie looked so freakin’ happy. I’m so glad I could be a part of your night.
ps. while I don’t *think* I bit anybody last night, I do tend to think I’m funny when I’m drunk and occasionally bite. So, if nommed you, much like Lexa’s ass grabs, it was done in love and I’m not sorry. You were probably damn tasty, too!
]]>Seriously, what Tabasco marketing genius thought this was a good idea??! While I love me some hot sauce, thanks to that commercial I don’t see myself having pizza ANYTIME in the near future and I sure as FUCK will not be adding hot sauce when I do. The last thing I need are creepy-eyed faces bubbling up on my slice with tiny sets of bleached teeth serenading me in four-part harmony as I try to eat.
Especially the dude at the bottom. He looks like he would fly off the slice and try to om nom nom nom my jugular.
And I thought the Snuggle Bear and Wrong Way Willy Wonka would haunt my dreams.
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