Mapagpalang araw po sa ating lahat; ako po si Pia Jingco. On September 1, 2020, my husband Wowell died after 7 years undergoing kidney dialysis. And so I became a widow at age 43. It was in the middle of the pandemic, and I was almost completely isolated, with a 13-month old baby, our only child, whom we had adopted by faith just the year before.

Kung paano ko nalampasan ang mga unang araw, linggo at buwan ay di ko alam. I was not only grieving the loss of my husband and best friend, the man I considered my personal pastor: I was also grieving my son’s loss of his father, and I was grieving the loss of the future life, the growing old together, that could never be anymore. Kung hindi kay Kristo ay siguradong hindi ko nakayanan; madalas ay kaming dalawa lang ng aking baby sa bahay nun, at kailangan kong magtrabaho habang inaalagaan ko siya. Nakakabingi ang katahimikan, at overwhelmed at pagod na pagod ang buong pagkatao ko, pero alam kong kinarga at niyakap ako – kami – ng Panginoon.

God from the very start also provided all our needs and protected us, without fail. Truly as Psalm 68:5 declares,

Father of the fatherless and protector of widows is God in his holy habitation.

God also gave me a generous provision of love and moral support through the Kool Solo Parent ministry. I was embraced by Ate Zanne Fadullon, and KSP became a lifeline to me. Most importantly, nagkaroon ako ng mga tagos sa butong one-on-one na pakikipag-niig sa Panginoon. Two years into my widow-hood, in September 2022, I told Him, “Lord, ang dami kong alam na bible verses assuring me that you are with me… but I have to be honest with you, right now, hindi ko maramdaman dito (point to heart).” Then the Lord led me to Hosea 2:14-16.

Therefore, behold, I am going to persuade her, Bring her into the wilderness, And speak kindly to her. Then I will give her her vineyards from there, And the Valley of Achor as a door of hope. And she will respond there as in the days of her youth, As in the day when she went up from the land of Egypt. And it will come about on that day,” declares the LORD, “That you will call Me my husbandAnd no longer call Me my Baal.

The Lord is referring here to Israel, but I felt this passage so deeply and personally. At nasabi ko, “Who am I, that you would persuade me? Ikaw na Maylikha at Panginoon ng lahat, sinusuyo ako at pinaaalalahanan ng pag-ibig mo para sa akin!” On my knees, I prayed, “Lord, help me to see You and to experience You and to respond to You even in the small details of each day.” At alam niyo, He really did make sure na mararamdaman ko ang presensya Niya, at nakaranas ako ng supernatural comfort and peace since then na alam kong dahil sa Kanya lang.

Last year, ang hinaing ko naman sa Kanya ay ito: “Lord, I feel your presence but I also feel like I am withering, parang puno na unti-unting nauubos ang mga dahon…Please I want to thrive and to flourish again.” At alam niyo ulit, pinakita Niya sa akin na oo, I could live meaningfully and intentionally and purposefully again. Binigyan Niya ako ng burden to stay in the workplace na pinaglagyan Niya sa akin, to serve and support the people He had placed there in my care. Binigyan Niya rin ako ng burden for other widows, and so last year I started reaching out to widows I knew, one at a time. I started a Facebook Messenger group chat called CCF+ Widows, and met widows who shared how hard it is for people na maintindihan ang pinagdaraanan at nararamdaman nila. I guess it’s true, only widows can truly understand other widows; we get one another. Pero ang higit na mahalaga, God gets us.

I’m on year 4 of being a widow and my grief has mellowed, pero as other widows would know, grief never really goes away. Buti na lang by the grace of God, maaaring mag-co-exist ang grief and peace and joy in the Lord, and we can build a life that is bigger than our grief. As for me, my child takes up most of my energy and time; he was recently diagnosed with ADHD, and there have been complications in our legal adoption process, and so the devil still tempts me to feel self-pity and to feel like I am all alone in dealing with our challenges as a family of two. I thank God that every time I cry out to Him, “Lord, help me please!” “Lord, please give me wisdom! “Lord, please I need strength!” He comes to my rescue. Hindi Niya ako binigo kahit minsan!

The Lord is continuing to teach me to navigate this new season of my life. With His help, I know I can continue to grow in how I nurture my child while also exceling at my workplace, and being more consistent in making time for my parents, the women I am discipling, the KSP ministry, and the other widows that God would want me to engage meaningfully.

So ano ang ending ng testimony na ito? Wala pa, at hindi ko pa alam kung ano ang susunod na kabanata. But I am trusting Him who holds me and my child in the palm of His hands. My most intense prayer is for him to grow up seeking the Lord, knowing the Lord, knowing his identity and completeness and joy in the Lord, loving the Lord with all his heart, mind, soul and strength, and following the Lord all the days of his life. May konting kaba dahil pag nag-teenager siya ay senior na ako, pero alam kong patuloy akong sasamahan ng Panginoon in raising up my child in His love. Alongside this is my prayer that I will always be committed to Christ’s command to make disciples. Yung prayer ko naman para sa sarili ko mismo: Sana sa bawat sandali, habang may buhay, ay maging kuntento ako sa aking Panginoon, wala akong ibang naisin kundi Siya mismo, at manatiling deklarasyon ko ang Psalm 23:1 —

The Lord is my Shepherd, I have EVERYTHING I NEED.

Maraming salamat po at pagpapala muli sa ating lahat.

*Shared during the SoLoved 2024 Solo Parents Conference — organized by the Kool Solo Parents ministry, Christ’s Commission Fellowship, 03 August 2024.

Jesus stood up and said to her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?” She said, “No one, Lord.” And Jesus said, “Neither do I condemn you; go, and from now on sin no more.” (John 8:10‭-‬11)

I have recently been reflecting on grace and the call to holiness. More particularly, my heart is being convicted by a disturbing realization.

Foremost, I would like to share that I can very much relate to the adulterous woman of John 8. I am in constant awe and am overwhelmed by gratitude for the reality of the LORD’s grace towards me — that He has forgiven me for my sins and replaced my identity from child of darkness to child of God. Experiencing the LORD’s incomparable, saving love compels me to live for Him and to offer myself to Him, and to pursue His command for me to be holy, as He is holy.

Yet here is where the LORD is stirring my heart: As I pursue a life of personal holiness and depend upon His continuing grace to do so, have I also been allowing this same grace to overflow unto others? How am I viewing and treating the “adulterous women” that the LORD is placing in my life?

When a person I am ministering to commits a blatant sin that has enormous consequences, is my first impulse to shame, or maybe to cast stones? Am I inclined to remove her from my circle so that she will not “infect” others? Do I fear that maybe extending forgiveness conveys the message that sin is okay?

How often do I take the route of the scribes and the Pharisees?

In contrast, how often have I been willing to take the more challenging route – that is, to follow the example of Jesus, and to be a messenger of His persistent love and grace that lead not to the condonation of sin, but to the transformation of the heart? How often have I been an instrument of redemption and restoration, instead of condemnation and rejection?

The Gospels are replete of parables about the lost ONE: one coin, one sheep, one prodigal son. In all these stories Jesus shows what God is willing to do for the sake of the ONE. Jesus also gives a view of what grace does to the heart of the one who had been lost and was found: When a Pharisee questioned His acceptance of the touch of a sinful woman, who wept on and wiped His feet with her hair and poured perfume on them, He replied (after telling a parable of two debtors: the one who owed and was forgiven more, would love the master more), “ Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—as her great love has shown. But whoever has been forgiven little loves little.” (Luke 7:47)

Oh, how we tend to lose sight of these truths from the LORD!

Inasmuch as my heart is torn to pieces by the conviction of how far I often veer from being the vessel of grace that I ought to be, I am beyond thankful to the Holy Spirit for humbling me and reminding me: In the same way that God made me a new creation by His grace, He continues to make a new creation out of every sinful human that He is redeeming. My role is not to be a self-righteous stumbling block, but a loving messenger and channel of this hope that can only be found in Jesus.

Prayer: Father, forgive us for the times that we forget we are mere recipients of Your grace, too, who would not have overcome sin and blindness apart from Your redeeming love. May You humble us always and cause us to overflow with the same transforming grace that we have received from You, to embrace and offer hope to those whom we disciple, should they stumble, and to the lost whom You have called us to reach for You. In Jesus’ name, we pray. Amen.

(The above is a devotional entry I recently wrote for my organization’s Facebook group.)