You said you hoped you never made it to a poem
Well, Mr. Right, you’ve found your way into my notebook and into my heart
I never wanted to write about you
Because all of my poems are like curses that wipe away my love once I’ve written between the lines
So I’m sorry.
I tried to avoid the inevitable but your words
They wrapped themselves around me with comforting intent
They kept me warm when you weren’t there
They made everything ok when I hit rock bottom
You were there
Like my favorite teddy bear after a nightmare
I held you close. I never wanted to let go. I loved.
With so much of me. And I went to sleep at night with prayers on my lips of a love reciprocated.
Prayed that your heart would match mine on that day.
That day.
It came like the after wind of a passing train
I stood on a platform waiting for you to stop and repeat those words
But you didn’t.
So like my hair in the wind, like my coat tail, like the tears hanging from my lid
I stood against the raging force of your silence
Praying for a sign that you’d reverse
That you’d repeat those words
That my heart wasn’t alone in this.
I prayed that for once, my poem wasn’t a curse
But a fortune. Dying to be read.

Dear DC
I love you
We dance hand in hand across the boarders of PG like a black and white couple in the south divided by lines of segregation
If only they knew
Your boarders cradled my childhood
I nestled in the knooks of your ghettos
Nursed on your rich history
I bet they didn’t know
That my fathers tears cried rivers that paved these streets
He was never afraid to cry
I see my grandmothers smile carved into the weathered cement outside her front door
That’s why I cry when they fill the cracks with gentrification
My tears aren’t strong enough to hold together the history in the walls of my grandfathers house
So they sell it
To the highest bidder
But the dollars in these dreams have no value
No amount can buy the sunflower seed covered front porch in the dead heat of the summer
Money can’t buy the hood anthem blaring from the speakers of the ice cream truck
Or fingers bouncing of our chucks as we so delicately chose the next “it”
I remember those weekends when you opened your arms to me like a daddy who’d been gone at war
You fought my battles
And your neighborhoods have the scars to prove it

He called me bitter.
I said I’m not bitter
my heart is laid on a foundation
of shattered glass of your broken promises.
You promised this time would be better
gave me a million reasons why choosing you
would be the best decision of my life
It was the worst.
So I did what I knew to do
I blasted you
On Twitter and Facebook
and if I remembered my MySpace password
I’d probably put in big bold glittery fonts how much I hate you there too
I wasted entirely too much of my time
I’m sure there is a line of chicks waiting to get their hearts broken too
I wish I could gather the women scorned
to write poems of petition
to get you and all the other bitch niggas
excommunicated from the world of dating
But instead
I’ll write this poem
And hopefully one of the lovely ladies
waiting in line for a world of misery
and brokenheartedness
will read between these lines and realize
that I’m talking to you.
Maybe I can save one of them.
Maybe even two.
or three
for the life of me
I can’t figure out why
we loan our hearts to the same man
who’s trust was repossessed by the last chick
This can’t be life.
I carry my heart from doorstep to doorstep
forgetting to mark the package with FRAGILE
I forgot to ask you to handle with care
So you took me there
I guess I am bitter.
Cause those shards of your promises
hurt like the pain of 1000 kisses
from chapped lips.
I’d rather stand on the edge of loneliness
than fall from peering into the never ending cycle of your pain.
He said I’m bitter.
I agreed
and asked him to give me one reason why I shouldn’t be.

I woke up and wiped the love from my eyes
S**t was blinding
I kept missing the opportunity and the dreams I kept finding
Were brittle
Like they waited there for me to write them
But love had me blinded
Love had me wide open like the doors he held open
Like his nostrils when I first walked by
Wide open like my legs on day three
It blinded me
I’m inclined to say that it was all his fault
But the blind leading the blind makes it almost impossible to walk
S**t was crazy
I was surrounded by everything I ever wanted
Flaunted his name around my friends like he was kin
Danced with his mixed signals till my heart grew thin
He rested his dreams on my breasts at night
Picked them up in the morning cause he knew I couldnt bear the burden
I learned him
I knew him better than I knew myself
Till I lost sight of the two
I was you
Our hands wrote the same poems
We smiled in the same tune
He said I love you
But that meant youre unusual
I was an unfamiliar lyric set to an exotic beat
He felt me
And like his favorite beat
He nodded his head to me
His lyric tickled my fancy
He was everything
I made him my world when he only needed a piece of me
A peace of me
And when we made love it never felt like the last time
In that moment your rhyme became my reason
You said you’d never force me to leave your side
You kissed me with your heart and my lips still tingle from your lies.

Last night I never made it home
I cried for hours
On the phone
With my best friend
Telling her how much I hated yet still loved him
She said
Ole boy don’t love you, slim
He’s just using what he can
To get what he can’t get with her
So I
Wipe the tears
Put the key in the ignition
Petal to the floor
Gear in drive
And stared back at his front door
If only I could get him to love me
I leave messages with words like baby and boo
I’ll send texts that simply say I love you
Because that’s just what I do
I’ll spread my hips
And allow him to take
What he wishes
In hopes that I’ve convinced him to
Give up what he’s known for so long
For me
And then that voice in the back of my mind
Taps me on my shoulder and
Whispers in my ear and says
Honey, you’re just the other woman
Sit back
Shut up
And play your role
Give him what he wants
Get yours
And get up and roll
This is not the place to find love
I drive off wondering what tomorrow will bring
The same thing
Only this time I’ll hope that it’s different
I’ll hope for soft touches, nice words
And sweet kisses
For 40 minutes
I’ll play wife instead of mistress
We won’t have to send texts
I’ll talk and he’ll listen
Until we both hear that car engine
In the distance
Then
I hide in the closet
Creep down the back stairs
Out the front door
Over the lawn and
Finally,
I’m safe in my car
A plexiglass asylum
It is here that bang on the steering wheel
Scream at God and tell him to fix my problems
It is here that I remember…
We forgot to use a condom
So WE hide in the closet
WE creep down the back stairs
Out the front door
Over the lawn and
Finally,
We can’t hide it no more
Sin stands in the doorway
tapping her stiletto against the floor
twiddling her freshly painted nails
a smile on lips threatening to tell the tales of our endeavors
she is pregnant with infidelity
and in nine months, she will birth our truths
They will cry out from wombs
Stained with lies that drip from our passion soaked lips
Bearing a heart that was ripped from a child-less wife
A life that’s only proof that your vows meant absolutely nothing
I now pronounce you mother and father
You may kiss the mistress

iWrite.

Check out www.diVERSEcityblog.com for the audio.