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Recent Posts
- HAPPY 5TH BIRTHDAY, PARKER!
- He’s back…mostly
- ‘appy ‘aloween
- SCHUYLAR IS HOME – JUJU WORKED AGAIN!!!
- Good Juju for Schuylar, Please
- Breaking News: Repuglicans speak out against Inter-Breed Relationships
- Dear Schuylar,
- Won’t you be my neighbor?
- What, like that’s hard?
- The sky is burnin’
- Now she’s offending Pit Bulls
- Election ’08: A Dog’s Perspective
- Ebony and Ivory
- There’s Only One Way to Rock
- I’m Obama the Eighth I Am
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Filed under: Uncategorized
Note from editor (a.k.a. Momma): First, let me apologize for Parker’s long delay in updating his blog. He has been very busy lately and has decided that he just doesn’t have time to update the blog himself. In an effort to keep the blog going, I have offered to update it for him.
But he has insisted that before I post photos from our Thanksgiving trip, I share with you his Christmas wishlist. I have tried to explain to him that it is rude to ask people to buy you things but he is, alas, a Border Collie and they really don’t put much value on social graces.
“You haven’t bought me a present yet?”
“You better hurry. You only have 6 more shopping days! How embarrassed would you be if I don’t have a present from you under the tree?”
“Pleeeeeeze?”
So, here it is. He asked me to mention that the bulk bully sticks and blinking soccer shoes (as well as the matching soccer hoodie) are top priority.
Parker Malone’s Christmas Wishlist
I beg you, please don’t buy him anything. It will only encourage this behavior.
I am ze great lover, Pepe Le Pew.
So, what do you think? Do I look just like him?
Are my earses straight?
Wait, let me try it, “Ma cherie, look into my eyes. You are ‘ipnotized by my handsomeness. Kees kees!”
I don’t know, I don’t think it’s working. Do you think it makes me look fat?
I knew it! I should have stuck with my Lipstick Wearin’ Pig costume.
Um, er, not that I care. I mean she could be home or not, I wouldn’t notice.
Okay, maybe I care a little.
But momma decided to check the SPCA on her way home from work and ran into the ACO (that’s dog speak for animal control officer) who told momma he picked up a female lab yesterday morning. Momma had described her in detail before they saw her in the pen, so he told SPCA momma ID’d her and it was okay to release her to momma.
Momma says that if your dog gets lost, take the following steps:
- Call Animal Control and report your dog missing. That way, if they pick up your dog, they can match your report to the dogs they pick up.
- Call the local shelter (not always the same as AC) and file a lost dog report.
- Check with both places at least once, if not several times each day. Most of these places are very busy and don’t always have time to check the reports against the dogs in the shelter.
- Ask friends to help you search for your dog. Everyone should have a leash, collar and treats to make it easier to catch your dog.
- It really helps to bring your dog’s canine friends along on the search, since they will sometimes attract your dog or even pick up on your dog’s scent. I did that one time and found Murphy, who had been missing for 24 hours. Then he bit my face off. But that’s another story.
- Post fliers in the area where your dog was lost. Include a clear photograph, a description and your dog’s name. Not everyone agrees that you should offer a reward (since there are not nice people who take advantage) so that’s up to you.
- Post a message on the Pets section of Craigslist and check back several times a day. Many pet lovers use the website as a Lost/Found resource.
- Take fliers to the local vets in the area
- Leave a dirty t-shirt, sheet or towel in the area where your dog was last seen and check back OFTEN. Some dogs will find their owner’s scent and sleep near it.
- Don’t give up. We know dogs that have been found as long as one month after they went missing.
Finally, even if your dog never, ever leaves your sight, make sure they have a collar, a tag, AND a microchip!!! Don’t forget to update your information right away if you move.
Filed under: dog
This morning, momma went next door to get Schuylar for another doggie daycare session and found the gate open and no Schuylar.
We haven’t found her yet, but momma is hopeful that someone will pick her up and call animal control. We have already left messages at the SPCA and animal control.
Schuylar Come Home
Please send good juju for Schuylar’s safe return.
Sacramento Canine Times | October 15, 2008
The political group, Repuglicans For Proposition 88, spoke publicly today about Inter-Breed Relationships. “It’s immoral and unnatural,” says Repuglican spokesperson, Besa Mae. “Allowing these breeds to mix together encourages radical behavior. Just look at the Labradoodle.”
“If we allow breeds to marry each other, they will soon start forcing others to interbreed, creating nothing but a society of mutts. God created the PUREBRED FOR A REASON!”
Mae also belongs to an organization that supports teaching creationism of purebred dogs in schools instead of the theory of selective breeding, which many scientists believe is the direct reason for the variety of dog breeds.
Opponents of Proposition 88 claim that they don’t want to force anyone to do anything, they just want to have the same rights as purebred dogs to live together without others’ beliefs being forced on them.
“Don’t believe them!” Says Mae, “They practice freaky rituals, not unlike that of Muslim-Arab-Terr’rists! They are not patriotic ‘mericans!”
“You should be afraid of them! It’s IMMORAL, I tell you. DISGUSTING!”
Mae concluded, “Once we stop these freaks from marrying, we’ll move ahead on a measure that requires all dogs have noses no longer than 2 inches. Long noses, pointing out there for everyone to see, it’s pornographic!”
The voters will decide on Proposition 88 on November 4th.
Filed under: border collie, dog, parker malone, photography | Tags: schuylar
I’m not in love, so don’t forget it
It’s just a silly phase I’m going through
I’m not in love, no no, it’s because….
I like to see you
But then again
That doesn’t mean you mean that much to me
So if I call you don’t make a fuss
Don’t tell your friends about the two of us
I keep your picture
Upon the wall
It hides a nasty stain that’s lying there
So don’t you ask me
To give it back
I know you know it doesn’t mean that much to me
I’m not in love
So don’t forget it
Its just a silly phase Im going through
Cordially,
Parker
So, the other night me and momma heard a dog barking outside the window. My momma went outside and found a Girl Dog Lab. It was late and she didn’t have any tags, so momma brought her into our yard. At first, I was like, “Momma, WTF?” but then Girl Dog was like, “Hey, you’re cute,” and I was all, “Yeah, I know.” And she was like, “Wanna fool around?” and I said, “Whatever, if you want.” and then we started running around the yard together.
It turns out that she belongs to our neighbor and she accidentally got out of the yard. Her name is Schuyler and she’s 8 months old. Her momma was really happy she was safe.
Momma says she can come over and play again. Whatever. If she wants, I guess that’s cool. Can she come over today? Not that I care. Whatever.
“Hello? Is Parker home?”
“Can Parker, like, come out and play or something?”
“Parker, I can totally see you. I’m so sure!”
Filed under: Uncategorized
I could totally do this if momma got me my own trampoline.
Filed under: Uncategorized
But I don’t believe my soul is on fire….yet.
Momma, I think there is something wrong with the sky.
It’s just a sun-set…are you sure?
What’s that light over there? A rane-bo? WTF is that? Do you think it will hurt my beautiful face?
I’m not taking any chances. I’m going to start praying to the rane-bo gods right now.
Do you think I should I give them the Pug as a sacrifice?
Pug (awakening): “Wait, what?”
What? Like that’s not a perfectly reasonable question?!
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Parker Malone: A Dog Blog 