Yeah, even when I’m not so adventurous with food, sticking out my neck only for what I’m accustomed to, I still revel in the fact I see myself as a ‘foodie’ – My love for a good and delicious meal is second to none.

As such, it had been one of those days, eating spree unabated, a mix of this and that, several concoctions dawned by me in the process – A heavy breakfast of 3 slices of yam (out of the 5 made) and 2 fried eggs in flavoured pepper sauce. The afternoon saw me gulping down a bottle of Coca-Cola plus 3 packs of chocolate coated biscuits, and a few hours later remembering I still had 2 slices of yam left.

I had these eaten with fried pepper sauce plus a fried chicken part, and it was obvious by now, I had become bloated and overeaten. 

With me thinking to myself:

‘This is gluttony, right ?’

I should’ve learnt from my recent experiences during the Christmas period and call it a day, but lo and behold, I still felt the urge to satisfy my yearnings when I settled for something seemingly light for dinner, going local with ‘garri’ (a cereal like delicacy) plus sugar and groundnuts soaked in ice cold water.

All briefly calm thereafter, but, it wasn’t even long before I started feeling the effects of my miscalculations, starting with me belching horribly and repeatedly, a stench like oduor breezing out of my nostrils and mouth.

As had become customary with me, I washed it all down, guzzling plenty water as an antidote, before heading to bed – Afterall, water is life, an action that purified me.

By 1.10 am, the rumble started, not in a jungle, but in my tummy – Let’s save you the ‘picture’ of the drama that followed my 4 visits to the loo (3.12 am, 4.25 am and 6.30 am) at that time of the night or do you call it, morning ?

The twitching of my by now, so sorry butt, the dreadfully stinking watery poo (please pardon my French) that I was releasing into the toilet bowl, and to think in some climes, I wouldn’t have been ‘privileged to chase them down the drain, cos you’re perceived to be disturbing the ‘peace’ of those asleep.

C’mon . . . I’m a Nigerian based in Lagos, anyway  and we don’t leave our ‘sh.t’ on a cliffhanger overnight – We simply flush ’em . . .

*

Did you know that:

‘Flushing the toilet after 10.00 pm in Switzerland is illegal ?’

But in reality, there’s a world of difference between truth and facts.

Kikikikikikikikikikiiiiiiiiii !

😆 😂 😆 

@ O’Shine Original . . . 

Contacting a virus is not just a vicious thingy, but as well a huge and very risky affair. Viruses are not just dangerous to contact, but quite so deadly to overcome . . .

When people talk and think about viruses, what readily comes to mind are the more recently popular ones like Ebola, Covid-19 and of course the Avian influenza virus, which primarily spread among birds, especially wild aquatic birds, that often carry the virus without showing symptoms. 

Domestic poultry, in most cases, can become infected through direct contact with wild birds or contaminated surfaces, feed, or water. Humans ignorantly generally get infected when the virus gets into their eyes, nose, or mouth, or is inhaled as contaminated dust or droplets. 

This usually happens after direct, prolonged contact with infected birds (alive or dead) or heavily contaminated environments (e.g., chicken poops or droppings). It is important to note that people who raise chickens are usually at risk of contracting bacterial infections, primarily Salmonella infections too, which usually cause diarrhea, severe fever, and abdominal cramps – This is most likely the discovery and result from the medical test on me back then in the early 90s while on admission. 

* 

Prior to this particular occurrence of mine, our fence at home had dangerously tilted and in a matter of time, ready to collapse cos our then next neighbor’s compound was steep and lower, no solid base on their side to support the by now very weak fence.

My mother had swung into action; new blocks bought alongside cement, sand and gravel, plus iron rods for new supporting pillars – On the d-day that the bricklayer was around to commence work, he got down to business by pulling down the old structure and digging a new foundation for a stronger support.

We had discovered upon collapsing the old and weary wall that one of the neighbours had a poultry shed on their side, chicken poop littering everywhere, such a disgusting sight, indeed, plus the oduor oozing from the smell.

My curiosity had taken me there cos, for me, I loved such experiences when it came to erecting structures back in the day,  and even till now. I always wanted to be a part of such, putting theories to practice.

Unfortunately, by the very next day, I was stooling erratically, a terrible and very draining case of diarrhea that ensured I ended up at the hospital on admission and taking drips.

Not brought down by a virus, but, I had caught the bug, all the same !

😆 😂 😂 

‘Human misfortune is my fortune (says the virus) . . . ‘

@ O’Shine Original . . .

Whenever the refuse trucks come around, they more often than not leave a trail of nose tweeking fragrances after them, the atmosphere filled with that horribly terrible odour, usually marked by disgusting segments of water dripping from their trucks – This occurs mostly cos they come not as and when due, but at their own convenience, sometimes, once a month, when it should’ve been twice a week . That has been the bane of most neighbourhoods all over Lagos concerning refuse collection. 

Other neighbourhoods simply just dump their own refuse in open gutters or pay for mallams who collect refuse to discard them, but who also mostly dump them in illegal sites or canals – A habit that is so common place within the state.

Any wonder a Nigerian musician once sang the song:

‘Nigeria jaga jaga, everything scatter scatter, poor man dey suffer suffer . . . Gbosa gbosa’

I am reminded of my immediate neighbours whose son, a graduate of Babcock University, Ilisan and at the time, was about concluding his NYSC in Lagos, on said morning, while drinking from a purewater sachet, and had thrown same right in the middle of the street.

I called out to him:

“To think you’ve never taken part in cleaning the gutter or street since you guys moved down here 4 years ago, and you’re dirtying the streets. Tomorrow you’ll join the bandwagon that Lagos is dirty . . . “

‘Sorry Sir, I’m sorry Sir . . . ‘

He was pleading – Quite rightly, Lagos is dirty, infact it’s glaring that it smells and in truth, the entire atmosphere, grossly polluted with stench oozing out from everywhere; the filthy drains, the stagnant gutters, the illegal dump sites, dark and abandoned alleys, etc, stinking to the high heavens – Situations whereby even rotten fish or decomposing bodies even smells like deodorants compared to the dreadfully horrendous stench.

But can Lagos actually dirty itself if the inhabitants and residents are themselves ‘clean’ ?

You and I have a role to play in making our Lagos as sparkling like Calabar or Kigali . . .

Be you young or old, a native or a visitor – Don’t just criticise, get involved – Challenge that nuisance urinating into a street corner, that person dumping a bag of refuse at night, or the miscreat defecating by the canal early in the morning.

Do your little bit, and I’ll also do mine !

I remember the young NYSC lady who cried out months ago that ‘Lagos Is Smelling’ – She was actually quite right and not lying.

Very recently – I was in Lagos Island on Christmas Day for the ‘Brazilian Returnees’ Fanti Carnival, parking my car in front of The Holy Cross Cathedral on Catholic Mission Street. 

Together with my accomplice, we walked from there through several streets; Campos, Campbell, Broad Street, etc and I must say I was struggling to breathe throughout from the stench oozing from the drainages and the litters everywhere. 

I began to wonder, how is the health condition of the people living there ?

I was practically not just choking, but gasping from the oduor despite seeing the locals going about like all was well and normal. To think I wasn’t myself for the about 6 hours we spent within those vicinities and only became ‘normal’ again after I was far away from those locations – Well, I had a good breath of fresh air by the time I finally got home . Phew !

Ahhhhhhhhhh, you don’t even want to imagine the picture once it rains, plus the floods ! 

Even if we find it ‘abusive’ for outsiders to have said so, let’s be real with ourselves – Lagos stinks (to high heavens) !

@ O’Shine Original . . .

I was once a mad speedster, loving to race with my car, especially when on a freeway. I guess that must’ve been the reason my first three cars were BMWs; two 3 series and one 5 series.

‘Ultimate Driving Machines . . . ‘

Well before the speed limit on the third mainland bridge (3MB), in Lagos was pegged at 80 kms/hour, I used to easily do 120-150 kms/hour on it, effortlessly too, but I always knew at the back of my mind, I should ‘slow down’

Sometime around 2005 or so and while on my way to Ibowon, Epe on a visit to my one time parish priest who had been transfered down there, I had done a very ridiculous 150 kms/hour on the Lagos-Epe expressway with my 5 series, and I must confess it felt fantastic when I still think about or visualise it.

I once did the Lagos-Ibadan expressway in 55 minutes one early Monday morning in January 2003. I had left Ibadan at 6.10 am for my office in Lagos and gotten to Ojota by 7.05 am that fateful day – Me, practically flying all the way with my very first BMW 3 series in the 125 kilometres journey.

I was young and daring back then, I must confess having outgrown the bad habit however, and begain to ‘slow down’ so I had given it all up as a full grown adult, especially that I had by His grace and mercy avoided any major incident.

Yeah, there were instances I wasn’t even speeding and still got involved in accidents, I’ll never forget a particular one that happened on Kingsway Road / Ikoyi Club Road junction, me cruising jejely and one crazy driver spinning out of the petrol station unto the car ahead of us – I had slammed my brakes too late, ramming into the rear of the car ahead and damaging my radiator in the process, while the one behind me also crashed into mine, crushing my boot, and the one after him also; about 6 cars involved in the multiple accident while the guy who caused the mayhem ran away, unscathed.

A similar accident almost occurred again while I was on a Mushin road a little after the lockdown when a car hurriedly pulled out of a side street parking into me while I was cruising – I slammed my brakes only for the okada (commercial bike) right behind me, slamming into my rear bumper.

I also remember driving back home from the local airport in Ikeja where I went to drop my younger brother on his way home to Abuja some years back – I was speeding to catch up the yellow light at the junction of Nitel on Mobolaji Bank-Anthony Way, but unfortunately wasn’t able to make it before the red light flashed, with the road still momentarily free and the car directly behind me right on my tail, I flew the red light to avoid a bad accident as we both breezed past it – As it was obvious, appying my breaks at that moment could’ve been catastrophic.

Then this year – I had to attend a function in Ibadan and be back the same day, approximately 250 kilometres to and fro, and to think I barely slept overnight. Just a few winks now and then till I set out that morning, all alone.

I had a friend that we both hadn’t seen for like 8 years hook up with me at the venue, party was lit too, my friend who came in from the UK to bury her Dad had thouroughly entertained and taken care of us. 

Both myself and long lost friend left in good time as she showed me the way to the expressway through Iwo Road, while trying to stay awake on my return journey, I was practically flying back to Lagos, no incident really, till I got to the long bridge at the Lagos end of the expressway. 

From the middle lane, I had erroneously tried to overtake a seemingly slow trailer, a decision I had made by turning to my righthand and indeed blindside of the trailer, instead of the left lane – I had also pumped up gas only to realise in a wink there was a parked commercial bus discharging passengers right on that side of the road, at the same time also realising the trailer was on a top top speed. It was practically impossible for me to slam my brakes due to my own speed, too, and for the sake of all the passengers in the parked commercial bus . . . This time around, I dare not ‘slow down’.

So, the only alternative and indeed choice I had was to triple my own speed so as to overtake the trailer – Yes, I did it, but it was all by whiskers, a very close shave.

If I had failed in my attempt, those in the bus would probably not live to tell the story, they would not have even known what hit them.

When the news of the Anthony Joshua accident broke, my own personal experience just came flooding back . Yeah, the driver of their suv took the wrong choice driving at an obviously top speed and overtaking on the blindside. 

May his bosom friends, Sina Ghami and Latif Ayodele both rest in peace.

Happy New Year, Guys, while we all take it easy on the roads and slow down ! 

@ O’Shine Original . . .