I’m moving Onely from WordPress to Medium. The WordPress interface is too clunky, especially with the new “block” editor. Or maybe my brain is too clunky. In any case, I hope you will follow me as I embark on this Medium experiment. All previous posts will remain here at Onely.org, but all future posts will be at https://medium.com/@christinadc

For my first post there, I announced the arrival of Onely (like it’s a new Beyonce album or something) and then briefly quoted from the 1974 Singles’ Manifesto.

–CC

Characters:

Don–male U.S. army officer and and our Onely hero

Jim–male US army officer and a friend and fellow trainee of Don’s.

Pat–AKA Pat The Stick. Male U.S. Army veteran who fought with the Filipino resistance force during the Japanese occupation of the Philippines during WWII.  He earned his nickname by carrying a “swagger stick” and pounding it on his desk for emphasis during discussions with subordinate personnel.

ACT I

THE SETTING: Pat’s office at Udorn Base in Thailand.

THE STAKES: Jim and Don arrived at Pat’s office knowing only that Pat was the boss and he would assign them to one of several bases in Laos.  Prior to their arrival at Udorn, Jim and Don had heard that one of the bases, designated LS-98, was the least desirable to serve at, due to its remoteness and constant threat of communist North Vietnamese Army or Pathet Lao attacks. THE SCENE: Pat: [insert generic greetings to D and Jim] Don and Jim: [return Pat’s generic greetings with some of their own] Pat (casually): Which one of you guys is married? Jim (raising hand): Me, sir. Don looks at Jim, surprised. Jim had never told him–or anyone else, as far as Don knew–that he was recently married. Pat (pointing his stick at Don):  Then you are going to 20 Alternate (LS-20A). Don is relieved not to be going to the dreaded LS-98 base.  Pat (turning toward Jim): And you are going to Pakse (in southern Laos). Jim is also relieved not to be going to the dreaded LS-98 base.   

ACT II

(several days later)

Don prepares to go to LS-20A. In the process, he discovers that LS-20A is the new name of the dreaded LS-98. Pat The Stick has sent Don to dangerous LS-98 because Don is unmarried. In The Stick’s eyes, Don is more able to take a risky posting because he has less to lose than Jim.

ACT III

(many years later)

Pat retires from the military. He marries a Thai princess and purchases several bars in Bangkok.  Because of course he does.

Jim is killed in a terrorist attack. His wife dies in the same attack.

Don, having evaded the NVA and the PL, retires on cushy USG health benefits to his lakeside cabin in northern Michigan. He fulfills his lifetime dream of goin’ huntin’ and fishin’. His wife of 45 years lives with him. Too bad she didn’t come along just a smidge earlier, though, to save him from LS-98.

–Christina

Photo by Koshu Kunii on Unsplash

Men were slightly more likely than women to remain unmarried into their 40s in 2021, with 28 percent of men and 22 percent of women falling into this category, the Pew analysis found.

Good for Shapiro (and Pew) for sharing these important numbers. Her article doesn’t call this no-marriage trend good or bad. It doesn’t have to. We know that the rising number of single people is BAD, because whoever attached a photo to this article in Apple News (not The Hill website) chose a problematic picture. In the photo, a woman sits on a couch staring out a window, one arm curled around her bent legs and the other supporting her chin. Everything about the image screams,

OH WOE IS ME, MY TERRIBLE LIFE CHOICES HAVE LED ME TO BE WITHOUT A MAN (OR WOMAN). MAYBE I CAN FIND ONE OUTSIDE MY WINDOW, TO COMPLETE MY SAD EMPTY LIFE?

The plot thickened when I looked at CNN’s coverage of the same Pew study, A record-high number of 40-year-olds in the US have never been married, study finds.  The photo attached to the phone version of the CNN website also shows a woman looking out a window. In this image, the woman sits with her legs propped up on an open window seat, holding a (I imagine) hot cup of cherry coffee and looking at a view of a rock wall topped with plants, bordering a lawn, or possibly a green pond. Everything about the image screams,

I AM HAVING A NICE RELAXING TIME. IS THAT A FAWN AND A BUNNY FROLICKING IN THE BUSHES? I CAN’T WAIT TO GO TO THE COFFEE SHOP TO READ ABOUT THE HISTORY OF SPICES AND THEN MEET MY FRIENDS FROM BELLY DANCING CLASS. 

Apparently the CNN editor saw the rising number of unmarried people as a progressive, hopeful thing, whereas the Apple News editor was saddened and horrified.

The plot not only thickened, but condensed into a viscous slurry, when I stumbled on the Fox News version of this story. [**TRIGGER WARNING: Family values and Bradford Wilcox**]

The Fox website article, Record-High Number of 40-Year-Olds in U.S. Have Never Been Married, Study Finds, is accompanied not by a photo of a woman staring out a window, but by a video clip labelled,

YOUNG ADULTS BEHIND IN REACHING LIFE MILESTONES

Yes, because only by getting married can you move on from your childlike nether-world into the realms of responsibility and achievement. Or so thinks Bradford Wilcox of UVA’s National Marriage Project, who reacted to this survey by going on Fox to bitch about it. Statistics are saying his project is outdated and regressive, and his poor little ego just can’t take it. Awww. Maybe he should look out a window. 

–CC

Photo Credit: Jessie McCall, @littlegreeneyes on Unsplash.

Copious Readers, welcome to the latest edition in our series Singles Against Stupidity, in which we compose letters to our representatives advocating for better legislation that doesn’t discriminate based on relationship and marital status.

Today we are taking on the Institute for Family Studies  (and not, unfortunately, the “Nasty Institute for Family Studies,” as indicated by the post title). If you live in the great state of Virginia, your tax dollars are going to this regressive, natalnormative nonprofit that vituperatively disparages people who (GASP!) aren’t married with 2.4 children.

If you live in Virginia, please consider writing to your reps in the state and federal congresses. You can find them by going to Who Is My. They should all have online forms. Feel free to use text from the below letter that I (Christina) wrote, and add any additional thoughts or citations you may have. Or even better, write a shorter version! (I can’t help being wordy–I’m a Gemini.)

Thanks to Craig Wynne of The Happy Bachelor for editing the letter and to Ellen B for bringing this issue to Onely’s attention!

–CC

—-BEGIN TEXT——

Dear INSERT REPRESENTATIVE NAME:

The Commonwealth of Virginia has been funding a non-profit organization that discriminates against U.S. citizens based on marital status. As one of Virginia’s 1.019 million single women, I request you prohibit taxpayer dollars from supporting organizations like The Institute for Family Studies (IFS). The IFS wants to “strengthen marriage and natural family” because “freedom and prosperity [are dependent] upon the existence of a strong, healthy, pervasive marriage culture.”  IFS cites flawed studies that “show” marriage makes people happier and healthier, although in reality marriage does no such thing. The IFS publishes articles that portray single, child-free people—especially women–as selfish, lazy, and immature. For example, in an April 12, 2022 article on the IFS’ home page, conservative pundit Joy Pullman said, “Beyond the obvious that big government functions for some single women as a husband substitute, at least financially. . . “

First, single women don’t benefit from government largess: U.S. Treasury attorney Attorney Lily Kahng’s research shows that single people pay more taxes, and the 2013 Atlantic article, “The High Price of Being Single in America,” showed that because of marital discrimination in the U.S. federal code, a married person can easily earn at least a million dollars more over her lifetime than her unmarried peer.

Second, rhetoric such as Pullman’s gives readers permission to weaponize relationship status, especially against single women. Congressman and sexual predator Matt Gaetz aligned himself with IFA’s views when wrote this singlist, misogynist tweet about pro-choice protestors: “How many of the women. . . sadly return from protests to a lonely microwave dinner with their cats, and no Bumble matches?” Such disparaging online rhetoric can lead to physical violence, as incels look for “reasons” to target women—especially single, “available” women who won’t have sex with them.

Ironically, when the IFS attacks single people, they attack people who are actually strengthening the IFS buzzwords of “freedom” and “prosperity.” According to research by the Bureau of Labor Statistics, a 2011 study in the Journal of Marriage and Family, and work by social scientists Dr. Bella Depaulo and Wendy Morris, single people volunteer more, provide more caretaking for family and friends, give more money to charities, and participate more in civics groups.  Yet we pay more in taxes—taxes that go to organizations like the IFS that disparage and harm us with their rhetoric.

I have many single and married friends who share my views. To quote an activist associate of mine: “State-funded family studies agencies are relics. They need to be reduced in size to make way for more pertinent programs.”

Thank you for your time.

—-END TEXT—-

And thank you, Copious Readers, for yours!

–Christina

Photo credit: Liv Bruce