Between Obligation, conscience, beliefs and desire

I came to this blog six long years ago. Seeking help and most importantly perspective. I was a woman, unhappy and drowning in a country where no one could understand me and even worse ..... help.

So what happened at court? Well, first of all, I was blessed to have my friend Patti with me. Her and I have been friends since grade 4, so she was a great source of support. The ex was by himself.

All the crap that the ex wrote in his letter, you should have seen it. He talked about providing us with a luxury lifestyle while we lived in Canada. Saying that the children went to the best private schools at a great cost to him. (he didn't mention the fact that I worked in those schools so that the kids could go for free....sigh!) He also said I kidnapped the kids from Egypt, that we were in hiding and he didn't know where we were. So many things that just made me wonder how on earth this related to him having custody of Noora?

So after the lawyers going back and forth for a bit I was given a paper to look at. He was to have full custody of Noora and visitation every second weekend. I talked to my lawyer intensely about supervised visits and my lawyer said it wouldn't happen. In Canadian courts there has to be physical evidence of abuse....WTH?

I disagreed about the ex having full custody of Noora and mentioned to my lawyer that Noora said she may come back to me at the start of second semester. So what did my two bit brain lawyer do? She went and talked to HIS lawyer, who in turn told him and what does he do? Got out his cell phone and talked very harshly to his daughter asking..."DO YOU WANT TO GO LIVE WITH YOUR MOTHER??" She said no...(of course). I don't know a worse bully than him. I made a mention of this to my lawyer, who then told me she was in a hurry to hand in paperwork.

So end result? We have joint custody of Noora as well as Maryam. (the 13 yr old) Maryam shall primarily reside with me, but in the future, the option is open for her to live with her father. (it isn't happening, but if it should, we won't be going to court about it....she is after all turning 14 soon)

Visitation for him is every other weekend and our visitation with Noora is the weekend after, always keeping the kids together then.

What else can I say? He came to pick up the kids yesterday without incident....actually calling me telling me he would be at my house 1 hour earlier.

And what about me? Well, I know the ex for what he is. A wolf in sheeps clothing. In fact, I know he's showing at the seams and I am always keeping that in mind.

LOL! Yeah....so my new job is working at Tim Hortons!! It was such a wonderful way that I got the job.....let me share...

I walked in at 9 am with a resume.....my 2nd time bringing one over. I asked for the hiring manager and introduced myself by saying..."I was here a month ago with my resume and I see you still have your sign outside looking for help.....obviously you haven't hired me yet!" Well, she laughed and we talked a wee bit....then she ask me to come around to the side counter and talked a bit more.

The great part that happened was that she asked me to come for an interview with both her and her part time manager at 2 pm. Oh no....get this....I was on my way to Toronto to take my brother out for lunch....there's no way I could be back for 2. Well, when I explained that to the manager, she asked me if I could be back at 3 and that she'd wait for me. WOW...of course I'll be back! I said.

So I make it to see my brother....have lunch....get a few things done....and then I'm back in Barrie by 3 pm. Sitting down with both managers and we are talking. It felt like I was sitting down with my 2 buddies from high school and chatting. We all got on very comfortably. Now I thought the positions there were only part time, but when they talked to me about the position they had in mind for me....it was something else! They want me for a full time front end supervisor. I'll be working the night shift, but will get paid extra for that. As well, they want to cross train me as a baker so that if ever they needed me, I could cover avery aspect of the store. WOW! I was blown away!

So they never said if I was hired or not, but I got the feeling from the interview that I definitely was....and then this morning, they called to offer me the position.

This really means a lot for my family. It's a full time job. They have a medical plan that includes dental. They have a rewards program. You can move up in this company. The rewards program is cool.....its a point system where every shift you show up for, you get a point. When you are present for staff meetings, you get 20. Taking someone else's shift when they are sick, gives you 10 points....etc etc. The points almost translate dollar for dollar to cash. After you've accumulated 125 points you are allowed to pick 4 gift cards of $25 each and thats your bonus. They've got movie cards, walmart, gas.... I think thats a great incentive.

This doesn't put off my idea of schooling....I'm still waiting to hear back from Indian Affairs (which is supposed to be this month)........when that goes thru, I'll be returning to school and I'm excited about that too!

~~~~~~

In the next couple of days I'm going to tell you about a couple of good things that have happened.

So many strange and weird things have happened since I last posted. I'll start off with telling you about Noora. Well, she called me. She called me a couple days after one of her awful emails. I thought that she was finally trying to take it up a notch. To be honest, I was really fed up with her anger or perhaps you could say transplanted anger. I was prepared to tell her that she was behaving abhorrishly and that she had no right to disrespect me this way. Oh yes, I was going to be her mother whether she liked it or not. But that's not what happened.

She called me crying....

Seems she got her report card and her marks were 75% and 83%. She brought her report card back to her father expecting him to be pleased. Yeah, it didn't work out that way. He was thoroughly disappointed. Ended up taking his wife out to dinner and not taking Noora. After they left, she called. I kept waiting for her to bring up the horrible emails....but she didn't. To be honest, during the conversation I felt like she was only using me to make herself feel better. She made a point of telling me that she said to her father..."If Mama saw my report card, she'd be proud of me".

We talked for 48 minutes or rather she did. The date was Oct 23rd, my oldest daughters 18th birthday.

Now fast forward just one day later....I get home from work and I'm told that Noora called and said that her father and her would be at the house in 2 hours. Luckily my brother and my niece are at the house. (my niece is the daughter of the EX's brother)

They show up to give Cleo her presents....and sadly, they appear to be "recycled" from a recent baby shower. Even the gift bag says, Congrats on the new addition!!! Her gifts include a photo album (with a little piece of wrapping paper stuck on the inside cover - baby bottles paper), a blank book with lined paper and a really nice laptop bag. Yep, those are her presents for her 18th bday. So disappointing.

When they arrived, my 13 yr old refused to go out and see either her father and didn't want to see her sister. She decided to remain in the basement so that when her sister walked in, she wouldn't have to talk to her. My 7 yr old also said that she didn't want to see her father. (but she caved in when he arrived) He also had some presents for the rest of them which consisted of mostly chocolates combined with some dollar store toys.

Noora goes out to talk to her father about her sister and then comes back in and says to me..."If she doesn't want to see me, let her come and tell me that" Well then guess what.....my younger daughter comes upstairs and tells Noora she doesn't want to talk to her or see her. Do you think it was that easy? Nope....it erupts into a yelling match..... You said this on MSN, you don't call me....I don't agree how you are hurting everyone....etc etc. Then Noora starts yelling "your mom is a liar, she's ruining your life..." I'm standing right there and I'm shocked? What? You called me crying yesterday!! and she says..."It was only because I was sad" (my mouth hung open) Then suddenly....one daughter is stomping downstairs in tears and the other is stomping out the door. I follow Noora out the door, because I'm full of anger and was about to yell at him....as I come out, I see him squatting down talking to Abdu on eye level.....Noora yells..."I WANT TO LEAVE NOW!"...he immediately stands up, pushes Abdu to the side and gets in the van....starts pulling out. (not saying bye to anyone, just immediately leaving)

And then I start....

"EVERYTIME YOU COME HERE YOU BRING DRAMA AND CHAOS. YOU CONTINUE TO HURT THE CHILDREN AND MAKE A MESS AND THEN LEAVE ME TO CLEAN IT UP!! (he's pulling out of the driveway now) WHY DON'T YOU BE A MAN AND GET OUT OF THE VAN AND TALK TO ME? IS THIS THE BEST YOU'LL EVER DO? (he turns up his music) ISN'T MUSIC HARAAM? (he's at the lights in front of the house and I walk over to the van...thinking crazy to kick the back of it but I don't) ISN'T MUSIC HARAAM? OR IS HARAAM ONLY FOR ME?"

Yeah, I was really mad. Even as he was driving away, I was looking for a rock to throw at the van. (but didn't)

~~~

So then mid week, he calls and talks to the 13 yr old. Probably 10 minutes in total, I think she said maybe 5 or 6 words, but her father talked and talked. One thing he said was..."You know that Noora is right, don't you?"

And here we are....at Friday and the phone is ringing. I'm holding it in my hand, surprised....and answer. It's the ex. He says to me..."Can I have the kids this weekend?" There is no strength in his voice....he sounds constricted and meek. It's very strange. If I didn't know it was him, I wouldn't have recognized his voice. I don't answer right away, but instead say many of the same things I yelled at the car telling him that I'm surprised he would want to take the kids when all he's done in his last "visits" is hurt them and make them feel awful. There is no joy when the kids know you are coming. I pause waiting for him to say something.....and then that constricted, meek voice repeats itself..."Can I have the kids this weekend?" I"m shocked again at the sound...and start off saying..."no, you can't and I think....." Click.

I didn't finish what I had to say, and I guess it really didn't matter because it really was a yes or no question.

But honestly, I'm haunted by that voice.....so strange. Like someone calling from their deathbed or who just had their nipples pierced....

Anyways.....such has been the last couple of weeks.....insert some family fun and joy...because we continue to function during this. Wednesday is family game night and it's been great. We've played Things, Trivial Pursuit, Scene it and we've got plenty more. (an amazing find at a thrift store AND on their half price day)

Life goes on!!

....I daydream about the world being attacked by a horrible virus that wipes out 99.5% of the population. I'll be one of the few who survive.... What would I do? In what order? What would life be like? (sort of like The Stand by Stephen King)

I could get lost in this daydream......

So my 15 yr old sent me an awful email again. It was horrible.....I read it and cried. Thought about it, and cried some more. Oh how I ache for her. I kept my head on straight and answered her email matter of factly and again, told her how much I love and miss her.

And just now, I received an email from her and she says..."I know I've hurt you with my emails. I know your lies and I've seen Baba's pain. I think I'm going crazy"

I really miss her. Wish she'd finally give in and let me have her cell phone number.....

The family circle....