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that I’m planning to do to kick things off will be to hold a Tangle Teaser give away. If you’re not familiar with this gem of a detangling tool, then you’ve been under an Internet rock all winter long. It’s all the buzz and fully endorsed by yours truly. I’ll also be blogging about that really soon too.
With regard to hold, I’m wearing my hair in large twists (similiar to the do pictured right) that are pulled back into a French Roll and secured with a large plastic hair pin. One twist hangs down in the front to give the style a point of interest and to soften up the hairline and I have absolutely no frizz. Even my front edges are cooperating. I think I’ll get good mileage out of this style as a result. Maybe I won’t have to refresh until the weekend. That would be great.
After more than four years of swearing by my cheapie Proline moisturizer, I can’t believe I actually broke down and purchased a Miss Jessie’s product — the Curly Meringue. It was an absolute impulse buy. I was at Target last night and was on my way to the checkout when I spotted the end cap full of products. Every time I see those dang products curiosity gets the best of me so I stop and take a look. Having just gotten paid, I decided why the heck not.
When I got home, I couldn’t wait to try it. I’ve been wearing a puff in my hair since last Friday night, and it’s been rather nerve-racking to say the least. I have a serious love hate relationship with puffs. They’re cute as all get out but dang they wreak havoc on my hair.
A while ago, someone started a thread on Nappturality asking if people had the patience to wear a single hair style for long periods of time. If I recall, many people said they did not. And indeed, it is not uncommon to see folks complaining up a storm that they’re bored with their hair and wish they had more styling options.
While at the moment, I can’t say that I fall into that category, I can certainly understand because I’ve been there too. When I first joined Nappturality and began lurking all the hair albums, websites and blogs, I remember being amazed at people’s styling skills and simply awestruck by all the different ways people could style nappy hair. Quite frankly, I was and still awestruck at the versatility of nappy, African textured hair.
This was actually one of my earliest attempts at styling my hair. Flat twists fashioned into a french row in the back. As you can see, I had my parting and flat twisting technique perfected pretty early on in my loose hair journey.
Another really early hair do. This one morphed a bit before it actually became my signature style for a couple of years.
In the early days of my loose natural hair journey, I became quite determined to learn how to care for and style it myself. And as I mastered the basics of making parts, creating flat twists, two strand twists and puffs, I could hardly contain my enthusiasm for styling my hair. No sooner would I get one style in than I’d look in the mirror and almost immediately want to try something different. Back then, I simply couldn’t get enough of my hair, and it was saying something if I could leave one style in for more than two days.
This was a quickie favorite of mine for a really long time. Maybe about eight jumbo flat twists that converged at my nape and secured into a ponytail with a decorative bun. I tucked the ends under for more protection.
Early full-head flat twists. It several months to find the right moisturizer. But once I found something that work, I've rarely tried anything else. Back then I was sooo in love with my hair. I loved the way my ends curled up and I loved my shrinkage. I never fought it. Instead, I set out to take really good care of my hair so that one day my twists, with shrinkage would actually sit on my shoulders. Today, double the actual length later, they do.
More full-head twists. In this pic, I can tell you that I was having issues with heat damage. Hair that was burned straight and wouldn't coil. When I wore my hair like this, I would twist in a bit of synthetic hair to disguise the fact that I'd actually cut off small patches of hair on my right side that was shorter than the rest.
One of my bigger issues back then, if I recall correctly, was that my hair wouldn’t hold a style for long. While many nappies on hair boards seemed to embrace the frizz that comes along with a well-worn style, I simply could not. I always wanted my twists to look freshly done. And, as long as it took to create a style, it just seems to me that it should stay looking nice for more than a couple of days. I could always make it through the third day, but rarely could I wake up on day four and like what I was seeing in the mirror. By then my hair looked like it had been that way for a couple of weeks. So I was constantly refreshing my twists.
At first, I’d redo every single one of them every third day or so. Then I got smart and just started refreshing in sections. That worked out much better. While not completely ideal, it kept me from going insane trying to do my entire head of twists all the time.
It took me a minute to figure this out, but one of the reasons I think I had an inordinate amount of frizziness is because when I wore microbraids relentlessly, I ignorantly let braiders “clean” my microbraids. That’s the process of trimming the small hairs sticking out of a finished braid along its entire length which gives your braids a really sleek and beautiful finished look. I loved it and allowed that to go on for years. Problem is, they’re not only trimming the stray synthetic hairs sticking out of the braid, they’re also trimming your own hair as well. I had no idea I was ruining my hair like that and four years later, after I stopped wearing braids for good, I had 10 gajillion different lengths of hair all over my head. So no matter how I styled my hair or what product I used on it, all those ends would work their way loose in only a couple of days leaving my entire head looking like a fuzzy carpet.
In addition to that issue, the various lengths would also create awful tangles within my twists which meant I couldn’t go long periods of time without needing to detangle. So the constant refreshing was actually a necessity to keep my hair from knotting up beyond hope and repair. As a result, I was constantly in my hair and although my family never really said anything, to them I must have seemed quite obsessed with this nappy stuff growing out of my head.
And I was.
In retrospect though, I have to say that the constant attention I paid to my hair back then helped me gain the confidence I needed to wear my hair in its natural state. While at times it seemed rather tedious, most of the time I enjoyed every minute of styling and learning about my hair. Constantly changing my styles and on occasion trying different products, allowed me to become intimately familiar with my strands, learning its likes, dislikes and my own personal preferences. Sometimes I met with utter failure, but most of the time the constant experimentation and time spent on my hair enabled me to sharpen my skills and to tweak my routine when necessary or to simply leave well enough alone.
One of my favorites. The front was originally all twisted back and later I added the two strand twist bangs to soften the front hair-line. The spiral was created by leaving them in bantu knots over night. My hair is less kinky in the top and so I usually have less definition on the ends in this area as seen in this photo.
Fast forward to today. While, I’m no longer driven to wear twenty different styles in one week or feel the need to touch it up every other day, I’d say I’m still pretty much obsessed with my hair. Just in a different way.
These days, I opt for much simpler styling options. Since my hair is much longer, its length without layers and all those stray ends, gives me styling options that don’t require a lot of upkeep. With bra strap length (BSL) hair, I can easily get my loose hair in a gorgeous bun. Or, instead of installing 80 two-strand twists, now 15 large ones will suffice. I can pull those back in to a ponytail, or make one large, low plait with the ends tucked under or twirl them around a hair stick and create a fun and casual chunky-looking twisted up do. On occasion, during low humidity days I’ll take all my hair down, pull it back and treat myself to the cutest twist out pony puff. And last winter, I discovered that large box braids give me similar styling choices.
More than anything, getting a quick style in and just letting it be has been an absolute godsend. Not only is this easy, it still promotes length retention, something that’s always been on my
Pictured left: OMG I loved this do. It came to be after I took to my braids out in anticipation of getting my color touched up. I needed something quick and easy until then. It turned out so cute and easy to maintain that I wore it for about a week.
- Box braids. I love them. I wore them non stop from last November thru April of this year. The intermittently all summer long. I have no doubt I’ll be wearing them this winter as well.
But as far as experimentation and change up goes, in the early days of being natural, I think it’s the best way to learn about and learn to love your nappy natural hair.
Top row (left to right): sis, sis-in-law, brother. Middle row: nephew, brother, beautiful mom, nephew. Seated: niece and me
I’ve just made it through a very busy weekend. My mom turned 80 this past Tuesday and to celebrate, we had family in town (my brother, his wife and two young adult sons) and took a family pic. Events culminated with a party for my mom Tuesday evening.
It was sooo nice to see my nephews all grown up and handsome. The youngest one is in his final semester of college in Maryland and the older one graduated from college a couple of years ago. Fortunately he’s not a victim of this economy as he’s gainfully employed in his field and out on his own.
It was also nice to see my niece interact with her only first cousins on our side of the family. Despite the age difference, they seemed to really hit it off and that was great to see.
Anyhoo, as with any family event, you know what that means right? Pictures, pictures and more pictures so my hair had to be on point.
I had just a bit of dilemma because as creative as I usually am with my hair, I initially was at a loss about what to do with it. I needed a style that would hold up from Thursday though and still look fresh for Sunday’s family pic.
So I ended up with this do. It was one the one with flat twists at the hair line and the rest done in two strand twists. I like this because it serves as a base for a lot of different ways for me to style my hair. So initially, I pulled my hair back in a bun but for the picture I swooped it up and to the side. My only regret is that my twists were stretched and in some of the pictures they look kinda stringy. I should have spritz them so they could shrink and plump back up.
Other than that, I do like the way my hair turned out in the various family portraits. It’s the first professional ones that I’ve had done since I’ve been wearing my hair natural. It’s something I’ve been wanting for a while now and the opportunity finally presented itself, and I’m glad it did.
This is how I wore my hair today. Fat twists pulled back into a chunky updo with a hair stick. It so cute. Other than the detangling stuff Kessa put in my hair, it has no other product in it. No moisturizer. Nada. I'm surprised at how well my hair feels.
Well I got my color touched up last night, and I’m such a happy camper. Really, more than y’all will know. Not only did I have about three inches of growth that had not been touched up, the sun had bleached my hair a bunch of strange colors. Add to that the gray hair and my hair was in need of some serious, serious color help.
So I get there at 6:30 and see that Kessa has a client in her chair. When she looks up at me she says, “Did you get my message?” I let her know that I didn’t. “What were you going to tell me?” I ask, “That you’re running behind?”
“Yeah, that, and I don’t have your color.”
I still haven't decided how to wear my hair for the family picture, which is why I didn't let Kessa style my hair. I'll probably make up my mind and do it Sunday night or maybe Monday.
I go sit down as she explains how she thought she had it but just before I got there, she realized she’d mistaken one color for the one she used on me last time.
Hmmm, I think. “Do you want me to go get it?”
“No, they’re closed,” she says as she continues working on the lady in the chair. She’s just getting started on some two-strand twists. I sit there watching her twist this lady’s hair up. Her fingers twirling the sections at lighting speed. For a second my mind wonders; I’m in awe at how fast she’s able to finish that twist, make a new section and complete yet another twist while I’m thinking about my dilemma. There’s nothing worse than taking down a headful of nappy hair in anticipation of getting it done only to find out that for whatever reason, the beautician can’t accommodate you. My brain started racing through various solutions as I ask her what we were going to do.
Suddenly I get a thought. “We’re just going to have to do box color then,” I say.
Me and my niece. She's almost 16. Isn't she becoming quite a young lady?!
“Well let me take another look first,” she says as she finishes up another row of twists. Then she goes over to a cabinet near the wash basin and digs through a bag of product. Thinking out loud, she decides she might be able to get close to my shade by mixing up something else. After a bit of conversation along these lines, and listening to a touch of skepticism in her voice, I decide against it, tell her that I’ll just run to Walgreens to get the color I’d been using before I started letting her do my hair.
Since she did my color the last time, and I didn’t have another bad reaction to the permanent dye, we were fairly certain that bad rash I got after coloring with the Clairol product wasn’t an allergic reaction. Most likely something it was due to me scratching my scalp or something. At any rate, I’m not concerned that I’ll have another reaction so my mind is made up, box color it is.
So I get myself together, and we discuss whether or not I should get two boxes. She thinks not, I think I should. Seems to me when me and Regina were doing my hair in her kitchen, we needed two boxes. I think. Ok…I’m not remembering too clearly… maybe we didn’t. But maybe we did. I better get two boxes just in case.
So I dash off to Walgreens. Now right after work, I’d gone home and detangled that bun in my previous post and put my hair in some big fat twists. That way, Kessa wouldn’t have to spend time detangling my hair before she colored it. Truth be told, I’m very paranoid about other people handling my hair and the less they have to do, the better. I just don’t think anyone else will baby my hair the way I do so it’s best that I do the detangling and let Kessa do everything else.
Anyhoo, that’s how I go to Walgreens with my hair in these big fat, wild-looking twists. As I get out of my car and go through the parking lot, this black lady makes eye contact with me and we both smile at one another. Then I realize she’s staring at my hair. That’s ok, I’m sure it looked crazy, and besides, I’m used to those kinds of looks when I go out with my hair like that.
As we approach the door, the nice lady says with awe in her voice, “Wow! Don’t ever let anyone tell you, you don’t have a lot of hair on your head.”
I chuckle. “It’s so THICK,” she says. “I sure wish my hair was that thick.”
“Yeah it is that for sure,” I say as we both walk in, me in front of her and she still staring at my hair. I chuckle again as I head straight for the hair good aisle and think to myself that people’s reaction to my hair should never cease to amaze me.
I make it to the hair dye, grab two boxes of Clairol’s Textures and Tones Cocoa Brown. Damn! These things are about eight bucks each. Uggggghhhhh. I hadn’t expected to have to spend money on my hair color. Kessa and I are bartering services. She does my hair for free and in exchange, I’m working on a website for her business. It’s a great arrangement. So I decide that sixteen dollars is a small price to pay for getting my hair colored so I push the cost out of my head, buy the color, and make my way back to Kessa’s to get my hair did.
At my request, we leave the twists in as she applies the color. It’s at this point I remember that her color didn’t at all cover my gray the last time. I was disappointed cause that’s the only reason I get it dyed in the first place. The only thing that has EVER completely covered my gray is the Textures and Tones. So after all that, her not having my color would most likely work out for the best after all.
When all was done, I was not disappointed. I detangled my hair again, which was still fairly well detangled from having done so before Kessa did the color. Thank goodness she did it in the twists for me because that cuts down on having a lot of detangling to do afterwards. I put it back in the big fat twists and was eventually on my way once again a happy, happy camper.
Ahhhhhh…no more gray for now, and I like it that way!
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I think this bun on loose hair turned out nicely.
With my mom’s 80th birthday coming up in a couple of weeks, and family due in town to celebrate and to take a family picture, I decided it was time to come out of my box braids. Took down approximately 30 of those bad boys. Seems to be I started around 7:30 p.m. and got done at about 11.
My hair has been in box braids forever it seems. I’m trying to think when I finally put them back in. Maybe three or four months ago. And to tell you the truth, if it wasn’t for the fact that we’re taking this family pic, I’d just touch these bad boys up and call it a day. Me and loose hair don’t get along so well. I’m not a fan of constant manipulation and the easy of care and styling of box braids with my length of hair suites me just fine.
Anyhoo, I also decided that dark roots and lighter brown hair ain’t a very attractive look so the other reason this hair had to come down is because I’m scheduled to get my roots touched up with color today. I haven’t had that done in about four months. I know. I’m soooo pitiful when it comes to maintaining that I’m tempted to just leave it be and let it grow out.
The good news is that my ends seem to be holding their own, although I think they could be healthier, maybe even thicker, they don’t really seem to be any worse for the wear. So I’m definitely retaining length, with my hair once again BSL length.
I love this length. Other than periodic trims, I’m done with major cuts. BSL (now I’d take longer any day) seems to be the perfect length for me. If I weren’t getting my hair done so soon, I’d rock this simple bun for a couple of days. All I did after taking down my braids was to wrap it around a hair stick which I then stuck into my hair. Then I tied it up, my hair up with the same scarf you see around my neck and called it a night.
This morning, it was the perfect get up and go do. Here are some additional views.
I’ll admit, this was a story I was hoping I’d never have to write…
It’s been coming up on three years since my niece got her first relaxer and boy back then was I was surely disappointed. She was sitting on the sofa watching the TV, and I thought her hair was just pressed because her mom, my sis, would allow that from time to time.
Well, I was sitting in a chair directly behind her watching the same program when I caught a whiff of a familiar scent. It took me a moment to register what it was. That’s when it hit me, my niece had gotten a relaxer.
“You didn’t tell me you got a relaxer,” I said with probably more attitude than was called for. She turned around and looked at me like she’d been “caught.”
“I thought I told you,” she said.
My first thought was “you’re such a big liar.” But I said, “No you didn’t,” with even more attitude.
“Oh.”
“Yeah, uh huh,” I said. Hmmm…yeah right…
Ok… I had to stop. Not my kid. Not my decision. Alrighty then. Time to let it gooooooooo. But it was hard. My disappointment stemmed from the fact that I’d spent a lot of time teaching her to love her natural hair, and teaching her not to embrace the good hair/bad hair concept. Besides, between me and my sister, we always kept her hair looking gorgeous in twists and braids and puffs. All the while she was natural, it seemed to be working. She never complained about her hair (except when she had to get it done) and seemed to always like the styles we did on her including braids, twists and her cutest monster afro puffs.
Plus, unbeknownst to me, she was quick on the uptake and could ward off any negative comments that came her way about her hair. Once, when she was in middle school, she got to wear her hair pressed. Since pressing her hair didn’t happen that often, it was the first time her friends had ever seen her with straight hair.
Apparently, some little boy looked at her hair and said, “So what, you still got nappy hair.”
“Don’t hate,” she told him, “You got nappy hair too.”
When she told me that story I screamed with laughter and beamed with pride. Yep, it seemed my niece could face the world and handle any negativity towards her nappy hair if she had to. She would be just fine.
And after all that, I was really hoping (though apparently against hope) she wouldn’t choose to go the way of the relaxer. Mostly out of pride, if even just a little. And quite frankly because I’d already fed her all of my relaxer horror stories and to see what damaged relaxed hair looked like up close, all she had to do was look at her mom. We’ve got pics of her during her college days when her hair was long, thick and gorgeous. But to see her hair now, you’d never know it. It stays constantly damaged. Despite the fact that relaxers leave her hair dry, brittle, broken off and unable to retain length, she continues to get relaxers. So it’s clear that our family’s hair just cannot handle chemicals and the heat abuse that come along with that. Based on this, I was certain my niece had an understanding that having a relaxer would come to no good end.
I was also hoping that an occasional press n curl would satisfy her desire for straight hair. But it just wasn’t meant to be. Especially since, as an athlete, thermally straightened hair is so impractical. I totally understand that. And, if you grew up in the press n curl era, you know that was the whole point of getting a relaxer; it meant you didn’t have to deal with water (sweat, humidity, rain) reversion. And, you didn’t have to deal with the every-two-week wash, detangle, plait up, air dry, take down and two-hour press routine. Yep, relaxers back then were a Godsend, or so we thought and they replaced that nightmare with wash ’n wear permanently straightened hair. Back then, we just didn’t know that relaxers were simply a nightmare waiting to happen.
Me and my sis were no different in wanting the convenience of no fuss straight hair. So really, why would I, how could I expect my niece to be any different? Wanting to break free from nappy hair and the hours it would take to get it in a style. Not having to worry about sweating a press out. Wanting to look like other kids her age, the majority of whom wear relaxers.
Yeah, well now the price of convenience and artificial beauty is showing itself and taking an inevitable toll. The proof, although being ignored, is there. Not that I wished any ill will upon her head, but I knew what would happen. Virgin, relaxed hair ALWAYS looks good at first and then, for many, it doesn’t take long to lose a perfectly healthy head full of hair.
My niece’s hair has not been the exception. It’s just not thriving. I’ve seen evidence of it here and there over the past almost three years. Since she’s been relaxed, she’s not retaining length much past the top of her shoulders. From a distance, her hair looks like it’s in good condition. But up close, you can see the fried ends. And just the other day, I was at my sister’s house when my niece came out back. She was in the process of styling her hair and it was looking kind of wild. But to my horror, her edges were sticking out and looking like someone had chewed them up and spit them out.
I was shocked. Primarily because, freshly done her hair looks great. She’ll wear it down and it truly has that swing you used to only on white girls. Yeah, yeah…that white girl “flow.” But most of the time it’s usually brushed back into some sort of ponytail. I don’t think I’ve ever seen it wild, loose and all over her head like that.
I guess wearing it the way she does really hides the damage.
Her mom started laughing cause she was truly looking crazy. Unfazed, my niece laughed too and remarked that she was in the middle of doing her hair. Her mom went in the house as her little boyfriend, who was over earning some money doing yard work, came up and stood next to me.
I couldn’t resist. “I told you that perm was going to take your hair out. Didn’t I?”
She just scowled at my “I toldja-so-remark.
“You need to let that relaxer go.”
Ignoring me and attempting to take the heat off her for the moment, her face lit up as she told me that her sister (whose mom is half white) was natural.
“She cut all her hair off.”
“Really? Well good for her.”
“Well yeah, but you know she has good hair.”
Rewind. Did I hear what I just thought I heard? Damn girl, didn’t I teach you nuthin? Uggghhhh!
“There is no such thing as good and bad hair,” I say with a whole lot of attitude. She smacks her lips (what is up with that) and playfully rolls her eyes.
“I got good hair too, I got African in me.” Ok that was old and tired but she didn’t know that.
Her little boyfriend starts laughing. He initiates a fist bump with me. “See that’s what I’m sayin,” he says as he points to his own nappy hair. “I got straight up African hair. Yo, mine is straight off the boat. My hair is good too.”
Ya know, I’m starting to like this kid. Maybe I’ll stop giving him the evil eye and grilling him about his relationship with my niece. Hmmm… relationship. They’re 15-years old for crying out loud. Anyhoo, at this point, my sis comes back out and has him finish up his work so she can take him home. The brief hair lesson, which I’m sure fell on deaf ears, is over.
Makes me wonder though, if she’s ever gonna come around. And if so, how long is it going to take? What’s it gonna take? But I’ll have to be resolved that it may never happen. This was actually the only thing negative that I’ve said about her relaxer since that day I found out she had first gotten one. I was resolved to let go and live and that’s exactly what I’d done, and so I shouldn’t have any problem leaving her be yet once again. Because like I said before, not my hair, not my decision.
But it certainly doesn’t hurt to hope. I think I’ll keep my fingers crossed too. That doesn’t’ hurt either.
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