More Love to Give

Adoption Through the Rearview Mirror

Posted on October 6, 2020     Leave a Comment

Karen Springs was one of the amazing people we met in the waiting part of our adoption. She was out of the country when we first arrived, so it wasn’t until our second week that we connected. We felt like we had known her forever, and she was not only an amazing resource, but she was also a great source of encouragement for us at a very important time.

A significant part of our adoption cost in Ukraine was housing in Kiev. When things go well, you’re only there for a week or two. In our case we were in Kiev for nearly a month in total. We were burning through Hryvnia (Ukrainian currency) quick when we met Karen. After knowing her a full few days, she invited us to stay with her! And as you do, we accepted and moved in with complete strangers in a foreign country. It was a God thing from the beginning, and we were and still are so grateful.

God used this time in our lives to fuel a couple of things for Karen as well. After taking care of us, she sought out an apartment with an extra room so she could host adopting families on a regular basis. Soon after, the Hospitality House in Kiev was created, and Karen hosted and helped 150 adopting families in her home.

From there she went even further. After serving in the trenches of Orphan Care for the better part of two decades, she felt like it was important to celebrate adoption for all that it is. There are plenty of people who share the rainbows and fairy tales, but the truth is…there is a lot of hard. Adoption is both good and hard. Wanting to tell the whole story, she set out across America to interview over 60 adoptive families she had connections with. From all of the testimonies along with her career of expertise, she wrote “Adoption Through the Rearview Mirror.”

We had the honor of being one of those families, and our story is in the mix among many others who have walked the winding road of adoption. Our blog here is also quoted in Chapter 2 of her book which is pretty cool!

It was powerful to read this book and to be reminded of truths from our own story and many others. It allowed us to remember the profound graces of God in the ups and downs of the adoption process, but it also challenged us to remember that the “real process” begins once you get home. It’s in those days, months, and years that you’ll be tested and taken beyond your limits for the glorious honor of being adoptive parents. It’s there you find both you and God have MORE LOVE TO GIVE, and you’re going to absolutely need it.

The pages of this book also reminded us (again) that we’re not alone. The adoption community is vast, and it is beautiful source of encouragement for one another. If you’re thinking about adoption, already in the process, or even on the other side of it, you need to get this book. If you have friends or family in the adoption world, this is an amazing gift.

As always, we always want to make ourselves available to be a resource for you as you work toward or through adoption. Contact us here.

How Great Thou (Finally) Art

Posted on September 22, 2020     Leave a Comment

10 years ago on a Monday (September 20, 2010), we stood in a Ukrainian judge’s chambers and stood victoriously over everything that opposed our adoption. At long, long last Olivia and Natalia were declared our daughters. God had finally come through, but even the final lap was crazy. Let’s back up a few days.

Freshly off the plane heading back to Ukraine, we found that a few things we thought were taken care of weren’t over the finish line. This picture above is my most viewed picture ever. It captures a lot, but it doesn’t come close to capturing all that was there. A lot of what is behind the scenes is Olivia’s story to tell, but different parts are already chronicled on some of our blog posts (see below).

The orphanage director lied to us again and tricked us. She said everything was good and she was glad we were back, but she made the adoption conditional on Olivia’s consent in court (which is not legally required for an 8 year old). She thought this sabotage would be the end of our adoption, so she signed the papers and then left on vacation for two weeks. In her anticipated absence we asked her for permission to freely visit the orphanage (which is usually only allowed at certain times). She “kindly” complied with the request because she thought we would be gone. As it turns out, that was a significant grace.

The next day we went to court which we weren’t told about. More on that here. And everything fell apart. It could’ve been the end, and it is a miracle it wasn’t. The consent part didn’t go according to plan. The judge used intimidation in a way that still makes my sin crawl combined with a number of other lies and pressure from the dirty director that led to Olivia declining the adoption.

That lady leaving for vacation, and the permission for us to visit freely opened up a whole new world to us. It was like the darkness was suddenly gone. We met and built relationships with our girls’ half sisters. They gave their blessing, which we actually didn’t ask for, and which everyone said we would probably not get. For two days we shared stories, talked about our faith, talked about our countries, talked about the process, talked about the possibilities, and talked about the choice Olivia would have to make. It was hard, but we didn’t manipulate anybody, we didn’t tell anyone what to do. We trusted that God who started all of this would finish it, and it was in his hands. We assured Olivia of our love for her, and we told her she was wanted if she wanted to be wanted.

Monday morning we picked her up for court, and without prompting, she wouldn’t stop saying (in English) “yes, yes, yes!” “Papa, yes, yes, yes!” “Mama, yes, yes, yes!” “America, yes, yes, yes!” It was a beautiful transformation. Court was still a bit of a beating later that day, but there came a point when we had done everything we could do, and the judge withdrew to his office to make his decision.

We waited for a half hour that felt like an eternity, and Olivia took my iPod and at full blast played our old friend, Aaron Ivey’s, arrangement of How Great Thou Art. No matter what was about to happen, that moment would be something we would remember forever. We laughed, we cried, we sang, we worshiped, and we gave thanks for the greatness of our God.

After a half hour, we were summoned, and the decision was made. It was hard to believe it was over, but after years of waiting and fighting and praying and trusting, we had two daughters. It is always a good reminder that our God is great. If you have a hard time saying “How Great Thou Art” right now, that doesn’t mean that He’s not. He’s on the throne. He’s working, and when the time is right, you’ll be able to see it and say it. You may feel like you had to wait forever, but He is great.

Here are some posts from that pivotal time in our adoption process:

This is a powerful account of the day we had our final court appearance:
https://morelovetogive.com/2010/09/20/the-orphan-finds-her-home/

One of the worst day of our lives:
https://morelovetogive.com/2010/09/17/the-fowlers-snare/

A really cool Natalia story on the day we returned to Ukraine:
https://morelovetogive.com/2010/09/15/she-just-knew/

Sunflower Fields Forever

Posted on September 15, 2020     Leave a Comment

Spending 3 months in a place helps you to get to know it rather well. However, our process was so intense, that we spent more time getting to know things we didn’t appreciate about the country than things we did. We didn’t take as much time to stop and smell the roses, or even the sunflowers, as much as we could have. However, as the process eventually turned, we did learn to appreciate the beauty of Ukraine.

One of the fun facts of Ukraine is that the Ukrainian flag represents sunflower fields on the bottom with bright blue skies on top. We drove through miles and miles of these sunflower fields for many weeks, and they were breath-taking. They were incredibly tall and stretched as far as your eyes could see. It was truly sad when we eventually saw the seasons change, and they were gone. Needless to say, every time we see a sunflower it takes us back to the birthplace of our daughters and to the process that made them part of our family.

Looking back 10 years takes us back to a hard time. Last time we talked about the decision to come home and how hard that was. We were made some promises when we left that were not kept which made things even more complicated. We knew that Olivia had a birthday coming up, and we truly believed (if we would be back) we would be back for it. Things didn’t work out that way, and we missed it, and it felt all kinds of terrible.

So, we tend to make birthdays a big deal around here. Last week we celebrated Olivia’s 18th birthday, and it seemed fitting to find some sunflowers. Our friend Georgia at Basecamp Farms provided the perfect setting for part of our celebration. We spent hours enjoying the sunflowers, taking pictures and picking a bunch to bring home.

We learned that a Sunflower that’s already open has very little time left. In order to get the most out of them, you have to cut them before they have bloomed. When they’re open, they are susceptible to the elements and the petals start falling off. Just before we arrived, the farms experienced a flood of unexpected blooms. In life, it’s easier to appreciate what’s already in full bloom, but the truth is that long before you realize it, the process is the most beautiful part.

As we look back at the Lord’s faithfulness 10 years ago, we realize that there’s always purpose in the process. We realize the beauty in the pain. We’re able to see the beauty that surrounded us that we didn’t see at first, and we know that God’s always working things together for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. Hopefully, we can be better at not missing the sunflower fields forever.

Not Afraid of Bad News

Posted on August 26, 2020     Leave a Comment

“He is not afraid of bad news; his heart is firm, trusting in the Lord. His heart is steady; he will not be afraid,
until he looks in triumph on his adversaries.” -Psalm 112:7-8

I read these words three days after we met the girls for the first time. We boarded an overnight train after a surreal few days of getting to know each other, inviting them to join our family, and celebrating Jacob’s 8th birthday party (which should probably be a blog-post all its own – it was a night we’ll never forget!). This post captures some of the raw emotion of those days: https://morelovetogive.com/2010/08/17/a-painful-picture-of-the-gospel/.

At the time of our original blog writing, we knew that for the adoption to happen we would have to get a court order to separate the sibling set our girls are a part of. Our girls have one full biological brother (who had been adopted via separation days before we arrived to Ukraine) and two older half-sisters. We knew we would have to get consent from the older sisters. It’s not an uncommon situation, but it is one that we knew could be challenging. Needless to say it was very challenging – not because of the siblings, but because of bureaucracy with a side of corruption.

I wish I could say that I read the above passage and was immediately filled with faith and fight, but the truth is when I read it, I felt the weight of what was about the happen. It was instantly clear that the fight was about to truly be just that. I knew that we were about to face some bad news. I didn’t know how bad, but I knew it was going to be bad.

This moment on a noisy, Russian, 10 hour overnight train ride was pivotal. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve used this passage to encourage other people. I knew we were going into bad news, but we now had this truth to keep with me. Holly and I trusted that we would be standing in triumph and that we didn’t have to be afraid. The next couple of weeks were some of the hardest of our lives. Even reading through the account on the blog triggers emotions that are still close to the surface. IT. WAS. ROUGH!

Maybe we’ll write a little more on some of that soon, but finding Psalm 112 at that very moment was life-changing. We’ve never forgotten the grace God gave us when He gave us this passage. It carried us through the next 50+ days. It has actually carried us a lot further than that.

I also believe that this passage wasn’t just for us for then. We’ve seen the power of this in other adoption stories. We’ve seen it carry people through other family situations. I used it just last week with one of my Leadership Coaching clients. It is a good reminder that we’re never promised a life free from bad news. But we are promised that God is bigger than anything we are facing. In the face of difficult, we can keep it together, we can choose faith over fear, and we can look forward to standing in triumph on the other side.

If you’re facing bad news and we can be praying for you, please let us know. We’d be honored to stand with you.

Other posts from this time:
https://morelovetogive.com/2010/08/18/problems/
https://morelovetogive.com/2010/08/19/prayers-are-working/
https://morelovetogive.com/2010/08/20/orphanage/

Write the Vision

Posted on August 11, 2020     Leave a Comment

There were several huge turning point moments in our adoption journey. There was always a spiritually significant experience that preceded logistical movement. An incredibly important one happened around this time ten years ago. We had gotten the run around for over two weeks, and there were no indications that things were going to start turning in our favor.

At that time (as we’ve mentioned a lot), we were doing a read through the bible plan called the Life Journal. It was refreshing how God used that resource to give us what we needed at just the right time. After striking out after our 2nd appointment (you only get 3), we were reconsidering everything. Jacob was running a consistent fever. We were frustrated. We had already spent a lot of money. Could we possibly have missed God in this? Maybe we weren’t even supposed to be in Ukraine. We talked about coming home to regroup and start over.

The Friday morning before our last SDA appointment, our Life Journal reading was from the book of Habakkuk.

“Write the vision;
make it plain on tablets,
so he may run who reads it.
For still the vision awaits its appointed time;
it hastens to the end—it will not lie.
If it seems slow, wait for it;
it will surely come; it will not delay. (Habakkuk 2:2–3 ESV)

After reading that, we decided to do it. We wrote our visions. We wrote out what we felt like God had called our family to – not just for adoption, but for everything. After processing that, we prayed. After that, we felt resolved that we were where we were supposed to be. We would keep moving forward. Within a couple of hours, we received an email that was the first picture of our girls we had ever seen.

We found out these precious children were most likely available, and when we saw their picture, we knew they were the ones. The vision, for some reason, had to wait until this appointed time. When we went to our 3rd and final chance at being matched, we were able to accept a referral for these two who would become our daughters 40 very long days later.

Vision is important. We believe that God gives vision to everyone. If you’re feeling stuck, discouraged, disappointed, hurt, beat down, or like you’re just not seeing what you want to see, maybe it’s time to sync back up with vision. The Bible says where there is no vision, people cast off restraint. The old King James says people perish without vision. We can testify that recognizing and writing down the vision was a huge turning point in not only our adoption, but in our lives.

If you need to talk so to someone, we’d love to hear from you. If you think you’re not worthy of a vision for your life, we believe God has better plans for you than that. Let us know if we can help.

Here are the original posts:

August 6th – Write the Vision – https://morelovetogive.com/2010/08/06/wait-for-it/
August 11th – 3rd SDA Appointment – https://morelovetogive.com/2010/08/11/here-we-go/

Excruciating Waiting

Posted on August 4, 2020     Leave a Comment

Today is the 10 year anniversary of our 2nd appointment with the Ukrainian State Department of Adoption which also resulted in us not finding the children we were supposed to adopt.

It was so confusing to feel so much clarity in our calling only to be confronted with a reality that didn’t seem to fit with the calling. As I read back over our posts, I was just reminded about how much work God does in the waiting. I don’t know why He couldn’t have just connected us with our daughters in the first appointment. We still would’ve been grateful and given Him praise, but for some reason it needed to take longer. Much longer.

It’s humbling to remember how He guided our steps, introduced us to new friends, provided donations to keep us going, spoke to us through the Life Journal we were using for Bible study at the time, pulled us together as a family and so much more. It’s almost embarrassing to see how grateful we were for things like TGI Fridays and McDonalds. I almost forgot about the time I was chased down and questioned by Ukrainian police. I didn’t remember going out for a nice Italian meal and them being out of pasta. It was so hot. So very hot! There was so much that happened in the waiting.

I would’ve given anything then to sit where I sit now. In the waiting there are fears, doubts, frustrations, impatience, anxiety, and even anger. In the moment you don’t know how it’s going to come together. There is pain in the waiting. Waiting is hard. But as I sit here this morning, I’m on the other side of that excruciating waiting. God delivered what He said He was going to deliver. The calling was clear. It was never in doubt even though we felt like it was.

Then and now (waiting for some kind of breakthrough during this pandemic), God is good and active in the waiting. Faith for us can be knowing there will be the other side of the waiting. One day we will be on the other side of our doubts and fears. In little things and big things, we won’t have to wait forever. It’s crazy how the agony (at the time) of waiting for 3 weeks to find our kids, could provide lessons for today.

This time 10 years ago we learned that MORE LOVE TO GIVE wasn’t near as much about us giving love to kids who needed a home as much as it was about resting in the perfect and steadfast love of God. He never runs out of love, and He always has MORE LOVE TO GIVE. It’s there for the taking. We just have to receive it – even in the excruciating waiting.

How do you know when to NO?

Posted on July 28, 2020     Leave a Comment

We woke up on July 28, 2010 feeling heavy. On July 27th, we went to visit a little girl referred to us by the Ukrainian State Department of Adoption. They told us she was the only orphan in the country that fit our criteria (predetermined by our home study and dossier), so we went to see her.

The question we were asked more than anything else was, “How will you know?” We didn’t know how we would know which child we would adopt, but we truly believed that we would know when we needed to know. As we looked and looked and prayed over the picture of the girl they were pushing on us, we just didn’t know. 

We would gladly add to our family whichever child God led us to, and we were going to give this little girl every opportunity to be the one we had come for. We had a weekend to prepare, and we even agreed on a beautiful name and everything. We were hoping this would be it. 

When we met her, we still didn’t know. We played with her. We prayed over her. We talked to her caregivers. We felt nothing. I remember praying to God, “I don’t know what I’m supposed to feel, but I know I’m supposed to feel something.” In the next 30 seconds, the rest of her class came in (most of whom were special needs kids), and there were the feelings. All the feelings. Even though these kids were not available, we got a taste of what it was supposed to feel like.  

The hard reality is that we had to go through this tough “NO” before we could find the right “YES.” It’s not easy for me to say “no.” I want to be full of yeses. But if everything’s a “yes,” then nothing would have value. We learned a lot that day, but we were reminded of the importance of accepting a God-led NO. Not only was it God leading us, but it would end to a better ending for this little girl as well. That’s how obedience works. It’s a win for everyone involved.

God’s NO’s are always protection and provision. If He’s saying, “NO” right now, then He’s got a better “YES” coming. While I was trying to discern feelings, Holly was hearing from the  Lord, “Keep Fighting.” We look back now and see He wanted us to fight for the YES He had planned for us. We never dreamed of saying no to an orphan, but 10 years ago, it was the right thing for us to do. We need to remember to not let the NOs in life keep us down. The better YES is worth waiting for. 

For the original posts when this happened, you can click here:

https://morelovetogive.com/2010/07/27/not-the-blog-we-were-expecting-to-write/
https://morelovetogive.com/2010/07/28/a-new-day/