…or in tonight’s scenario, Minding the Paycheck.
My paycheck is, at the moment, the store. Not the bricks-and-mortar store known to many in business, because I don’t own the store, the business. I’m talking about the store of my family’s refrigerator and kitchen cabinets, the roof over our heads, the bills we pay monthly, and our ability to drive vehicles that require ridiculous sums of money to maintain.
I paid $3.39/gallon to fill my car’s gas tank two days ago, and given my distance from home to work, that tank will last about 4.5 days, with an occasional trip to the grocery store. My husband’s commute is even longer. We have economy cars, but the limitations still present themselves every time we pull up to the gas pumps. Driving our vehicles is only one thing that allows us to get to our jobs, and preserve our paychecks.
Another thing that allows me (in particular) to preserve my paycheck, is my ability to control what comes out of my mouth. My innermost thoughts should remain closely guarded by my attentiveness to my surroundings. This is pretty good advice for anyone holding a job. But, it is essential, when functioning under an extreme amount of stress. I am operating under extreme stress at the moment. You can’t imagine, and I can’t share today…and for so many reasons that have nothing to do with my job, and plenty that do.
My job, however, has become something on which I can depend (to the degree that anyone can, given the current U.S. economic picture). I liken my job to a vacation at times, because I can escape into the strategies, the tasks, the people – and all else hides at the back of my mind for a while. I love what I do for a living. I do not love working within certain contexts of my company. (Who does?) All in all, though, I’m fairly content with my position and my alliances with coworkers, subordinates, and superordinates. Not all of those people to whom I report are respectful of my personal challenges. Quite the opposite.
While I don’t understand it, there are people working in high places, who seem to enjoy not only observing subordinates dealing with personal tragedies, but banking on making them appear incompetent. While I can’t imagine living with my personal tragedy (though I do it daily), I can’t imagine living their lives either. That they should find something invigorating in not only watching us work through our pain, but that they add to it whenever convenient is…beyond me.
I used to be the proud owner of a very thick force field, one that kept the outside out, and the inside in. Since experiencing a life-changing event some months ago, my armor is thin and permeable. I work hard at offering my lifetime of professional experience to coworkers, friends, and family. Many who have experienced losses similar to mine, retreat to bed, never to recover to their former strength.
Today, I wobbled. I let my guard down. That thin, permeable armor I was working so hard to protect, dropped to the carpet of the office with barely a sound. What I was thinking came out of my mouth as though someone would care. Someone cared alright, just not in the way I had hoped in that nanosecond before the words left my lips. That someone cared enough to avoid all contact with me in the aftermath. He cared enough to avoid responding to me verbally, or by eye contact. He cared enough to make it known to others, that I had just been shunned.
What I said out loud for all to hear, was the truth, as told to me by peers and subordinates alike. The effect was astounding. If I make it past tomorrow with my paycheck intact, I will be amazed.
I’ll keep you posted. I can, because you don’t support my family, nor sign my paycheck.
Word to the wise: coworkers are not friends, they are coworkers, and just as dependent on their paychecks as you are on yours.
Filed under: blogging, brain exercises, coworkers, friends, signs, work, writing | Tagged: brain exercises, communication, paychecks, work, workplace bullies | 2 Comments »
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