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I’m excited to be part of such an awesome vision. Its audacity scares me a whole lot; it now demands that I must be truly Fearless. Me and every other Mavunite!

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Eventually, I had to walk in after lots of struggle and sat and kind of got a relief when I saw, what seemed like cabinets at the front covered in white ( holy communion ! I thought….tough but can deal.
Am literally fighting with fingers which want to tell the end from the beginning but walk with me slowly.

Pr. M checks in, no wait, the skit! am for the opinion that the girl should keep the phone!, eish the man needs to get hold of himself and have some confidence! its just a phone for heaven sake….in other words, we all have a past so it comes with some memories and what does it hurt to keep a gift really?

& until dying to self is broken down into manageable pieces and I get to see how much Jesus has to deal with and have some confidence! and get hold of himself! about !! Its just,
1.pride!
2.Guilt
and my image and some addictions here and there
then my career and children, not to mention my desire to get married and last but not least my friends! wow! its almost everything and suddenly I realize I am not living truly! I have ‘accepted Christ’ but I have control over my life and so I have not surrendered

Fast forward to the real surrender and the white sheers were unveiled oh dear me! I could not see right! coffin?
The last I saw, walked to and looked into was my late brother
Ps been guilty because I have always felt I could have been a better sister and read my lips! Do you know how many years I have carried that shame? guilt, pain and anger?20years!!!

20 yrs I have been a prisoner of pain, of shame and guilt and as I sat frozen on the seat not sure I had the guts to look into a coffin ( Surrender!) but with trembling hands and tears and choking voice I gathered myself and my sight in the mirror shocked the life out of me, as it hit me how unprepared I am to die,

This little red portion of the long rope that I hold so dear? this control that I want for this bitter life? whats the point? I dropped the paper and felt hot! like I just lost life…..at least a part of it.

Now let me give you the icing of the cake!
I am having a phenomenal week!,
I feel like a load is off my chest!, I can finally let my brother go! and I can forgive myself and let God be God.

So I have returned the smart phone to my exe as the skit would have it!
He can keep it! I have moved on!

Thanks mavuno

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Then came the sermon. This one got my attention. It made me reflect on how much I yearn to have control over my life …my career, relationships, time, space. How I constantly mourn the loss of my dad whether in words, tears, or just thoughts. Most people say I am a calm person and that is what I strive to be even when faced with difficult situations because it’s a conscious choice I make to stand in that gap. To cut the long story short, I just thought to write about this because the sermon and the true meaning of death to self couldn’t have been made more real than the sight of those coffins in church yesterday. It seemed a lot like dejavu because that sight was still fresh from the dream I’d woken up to. Moreso, that symbol represented the pain and loss of a loved one that had been walking with me. In addition to this was coming to see death in a different light, that because of Jesus’ death on the cross I can have life… That there is real life after the death of my old self that is clouded by identity issues, control over my relationships and career path and family and habits and… its an endless list

Thank you Pastor M for bringing this message home. Like I said, I am one who shudders at the thought casting my eyes inside a coffin but walking towards one yesterday and seeing my old self being buried away was something most beneficial to me. I’m glad that the fear of loss that I woke up with was taken away by the act of leaving all my worries from that dream and the controlling thoughts at that symbolic grave. It also gave me more sense of life to walk away holding only to what should matter in life- and that’s my relationship with God.

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