lifesurprises512

Baba my daughter is an excellent reader but she dislikes doing handwriting. Sending her to grade school gave me one of the biggest reality check in my life. It also made me realize that I had the same emotion and dilemma as her when I was her age. Not many knew about this…. well except my family and all my pre school and grade school teachers specially my Grade 1 teacher Mrs Villanueva …..but I HATE HANDWRITING

This well.. has something to do with my name. Having a very long name I feel upset, frustrated and dead tired before I finished writing my name. Most of the time during school exams from Nursery to Grade school I dread the exam days not because I can’t answer the questions (in fact I find it more fun to answer my classmates test papers than mine) but because I have to write my FULL name. “Jxxxx xxxAxxxx xxxxxxxO”….wow! that’s too much for a 4-6years old kid right? Top it up with the fact that by the time I finished writing my name all my classmates were done with the exam(of course some got help from me) and I need to rush mine without thinking cause the time is up and I still need to write the numbers on the answer sheet.

I’ve notice that most kids with long names, like me despise writing as I guess it shocks them to know that it takes great effort to write the first thing they need to learn which is their names.

As I coach Baba on this and tried to stop the tears in her eyes, I remember these three simple steps my Dad gave me:
1. START..the most important thing you need to do first is to START it up..things wont be over unless you START somewhere
2. FOCUS..no matter how many distraction or challenges you have in front of you stay focus on what you are doing till its over.
3. DONT STOP till EVERYTHING is DONE…its ok to pause…to wait to take time, re plan, re do or as a friend would say REWORK everything as long as you don’t stop till its DONE.

These 3 simple steps are the things that helped me cope with my angst for handwriting. Now that I am helping my daughter improve her skills, I realized that all these steps are applicable in everything we do in our everyday life…like setting goals, over coming challenges and practically in almost anything.

Having this insight, I now KEPT A MENTAL NOTE of these three steps I need to do in what ever new challenges I need to face or over come…..
…………….START-begin now,
……………….FOCUS-on what’s at hand or our present and
………………….DON’T give up/STOP till everything has been done or until we reach our summit.

“ Take TIME to HEAL, ACCEPT things as they are, FIND You, KNOW and UNDERSTAND You…as a person…as a whole being. When you reach that self realization its much easier to know what you want…decide and choose it even if its something not everyone wants or conventional..and when you made that conscious and firm choice..to finally do what you want..everything falls into place…as if the entire universe conspire to help you out. So don’t lose that chance…it may never come again.”

2011… I wasn’t in the best possible shape at that time, with me looking for a new job, setting my finances straight, taking care of Alli, making plans for our future and yes letting go of an old flame.

Things were never easy but I always find reasons to smile and be thankful of as slowly take my journey…between making ends meet, volunteering, helping friends and helping me.

I always know I have little but of what little I have, I find it amazing how a half of my noodles or bread could mean so much to someone, how a little kind word could mean great love to an enemy, how a simple ear and shoulder could make things lighter for a friend, how a smile or hug could brighten up someone’s day when everything in their life is caving in. A friend even told me once that she finds it amazing how much time it would take me to get to her station. Two-three minutes walk would turn out to fifteen minutes as I take time to great everyone I know and ask how they are.

 I was just being me but in the process I neglect what was ME. I remember how someone loves his coffee but I couldn’t worry much about mine. I know how someone loves anime and how much we’d talk about it but I forgot how much I love Voltes V, Fushigi Yuggi or Daimos, or how someone wants a certain dish and taste but I wouldn’t mind eating cold meal.  I would see people for who they are but not me. I worked day in day out neglecting sleep, eat cold or fast food meals and most of the time I would eat while I work or walk through my day.

Don’t get me wrong…all these things..the GIVING makes me HAPPY. A simple hi or smile from a stranger can brighten up my day. I know how to enjoy the simple pleasure of having the luxury to sleep, walk slowly without rushing and just take time. But somehow out of my complicated mind I lost these simple pleasures…I lost track of what I want for me not because I have to do it for someone.

A wise friend told me that at times our kids/someone we love prevents us from doing what pleasures us. I told him NO…they keep us rooted, help us decide what’s right and keep moving forward in the right direction.  Sometimes I doubt this but I know by heart that in finding me, the real me that GOD wants me to be, it requires bigger responsibilities. This means never neglecting what we NEED to do before what we WANT so each achievement would mean sweet songs of success and not a hint of bitterness can be savor. We simply need to find out who we are, understand ourselves and become the best person we can be before we can share or give out our selves to any one.

Someone dear to my heart asked me once…”what do you want?” I said “A big house, big car, my own Island in the Carrebean..”  I couldn’t lie or tell him the truth and what wanting means to me.

I want a house but I need a home, I want someone to spend the rest of my life with but I need someone who’ll stand and stay with me till the end and never give in or give up, I want all the resources I need to make Alli’s future great but I need to be there and be her mom, her friend, her strong hold until she can have her own life.

I have gone through so much rework and re process that I lost count of it… but for each roller coaster ride I took… I learned, I gained new insight and grown a little bit wiser and stronger. One liner like “been there done that” “what couldn’t kill me can only make me stronger” “been through hell and made it through” “keep faith” “keep smiling” are some of the thoughts I gained.  I am not much proud of what I need to do or go through but I WAS NEVER ASHAME of it as it made me who I am now.

As I go through these series of never ending life’s quest, I made a lot of friends , lost some and what hurts me the most…hurt a few of the people I LOVE.

To those I took for granted, those I said NO cause I don’t want to hurt them and to that someone I love but couldn’t truly give what he needs…my sincerest apology. I hope we can all still eye to eye and speak of happy times, laugh about the chaotic roller coaster ride I took you with and at least be friend.

The same person who’s dear and special  to me asked why I always wish idealistic happiness for all but never for me…the thing is I do. I just couldn’t tell anyone because it’s something I treasure the most and wants to keep close to my heart. I want to cherish each thought within me as am afraid it might lose its magic.

…I want lasting peace, happiness, joy and LOVE. I may not be what I want to be and what I want to have at this time..at least not YET but I know I will get there soon.

Right now am just happy having the opportunity to continue my life’s journey and tackle each challenges as my best allies in shaping the true me. I love each little steps I made and cherish them as overwhelming success because I know that these are the building blocks I need to get where I want..someday soon. 

To ALL who was there for me…THANK YOU SO MUCH for you have all been a part of this wonderful ROLLER COASTER RIDE!!!

LIVE, LOVE…enjoy the PRESENT!!!

Its almost amazing how life can surprise you. Just when you decided to let go and be on your own, you find someone who would bring up that old spark, sweet smile and faith of something good will come out of an alliance. You learn to open up, hope, accept the person you are and be everything you wanted to be. You see things in a clear perspective that you also see the things that are not and are true.

You believe that faith or destiny might brought you together but couldn’t figure out exactly why. But then again, some people come only for a SEASON, a REASON or a LIFETIME. Only when we truly understand this that we learn to accept that some people only stays for a moment or a while.

When this realization hits us like 10wheeler truck we tend to let go, move back, stay clear and reprocess everything. Its a natural human instinct. As a person we tend to “flight or fight” to survive or surpass the blow.

The sad part in this case, is when we never truly process everything and keep it all locked up inside. We tend to hold things to a point where in we think/feel that the next person will do the same thing and all good effort will end up with nothing. We always seek acceptance, understanding and consideration we forget that the second person seeks the same as well. We tend to look towards unhealed wounds that we forget that the second person sees beyond that point and ask only of a glimpse or chance to be there.

I know it takes time to heal, to accept and fully let go of one’s emotion but it will be a far greater tragedy to think that the beauty of a true and life time relationship is impossible to have in this age and time. To simply waste your present based on fallen past and loose the chance of a happier future is far greater tragedy than unspoken love or unhoped love.

We are all unique and different from each other. We may cope differently from one another as they say, to each is to own. But don’t let life’s surprises pin you down. Enjoy the ride while it last and when it ends think of the joy and the lessons learned. Always remember that no matter what happens, it changes us as a person. Its our choice whether we’ll let life’s surprises change us for the best or not.

Keep faith and keep moving …..forward.