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life from here: musings from the edge
about me
This blog was launched in December 2007 as I was still waiting to become a mama, after six years of trying every way I could.
We struggled for so long to ultimately build our family, lost one beloved baby boy halfway to term and countless shattered hopes along the way. We faced a combination of (in)fertility problems that created seemingly insurmountable odds against my conceiving and delivering a real live baby. I had five surgeries in six years. In December 2007, I embarked on my last best chance to finally become a mama through in vitro fertilization (IVF). It failed.
Yet thankfully and with great joy, our journey to parenthood continued through the path of domestic open adoption. In Spring 2008, our path was diverted from trying to conceive to waiting to adopt. In May 2009, we welcomed our beloved daughter Baby Jaye into our lives and hearts through a fully open adoption. Since she was entrusted to our care, never has there been a doubt that the universe somehow brought us together at just the right moment.
This blog began as an online journal to explore the profound effects of infertility and to document our last efforts to conceive after years of lost hope. It has also provided an outlet to process lingering grief over losing our son at 21 weeks gestation due to pre-term premature rupture of the membrane (P-PROM) in February 2006. Today it remains a space for musing on the persistent and pervasive impact of infertility and loss, as well as renewed hope and the reality of (finally) becoming mother to the most amazing daughter through open adoption, and once more after a most unexpected high risk pregnancy at age 42.*
The words, images and emotions captured here chronicle my efforts to build our family, our journey through the domestic open adoption process, and finally, the joy of parenting in a fully open adoption and through birth after infertility and loss.
This is life as I see it from here, on the edge of whatever the future may hold…
More about me? I’m 38 39 (holy crap, I’m) 40 41 42 43 years much older now and live in the San Francisco Bay Area with my wonderful husband, the (still) Amazing M (now called Mac). We both work to try to make the world a healthier place. While I have a fantastic and rewarding job, my real dream was to become a stay-at-home-mama. After we welcomed our daughter to the world and our family, I was able to stay at home for a while. Yet now I’m a part time working mama, juggling child care, a career, family and life.
When I started this blog I said, “Time is running out, and I’m still hoping it’s not too late…” Well, I may be one of the oldest preschool moms now, but now I’m also among the most grateful.
*Edited (September 2011): The postscript I never in a million years thought I’d ever write. This blog — having explored my journey through infertility, grief, adoption and parenting — in 2011 followed a most unanticipated twist with a very unexpected high risk pregnancy against all odds at age 42. Perhaps the only people more shocked than Mac and I were my doctors. I gave birth to our second daughter Baby Z in early September 2011, at 33 weeks and 3 days gestation. An emergency 911 call and two ambulance rides later, I was forced to deliver preterm due to serious complications from severe placenta previa and accreta. After 20 days in the NICU (for Z) and a c-section and hysterectomy (for me, fair trade), we are finally all home together. A foursome. A tremendous journey with magnificent miracles along the way.
These are words I never thought I’d write when I started this blog in December 2007:
Our family is finally complete.
I hope yours will be too, some day.
All rights reserved. life from here: musings from the edge. 2007-2013
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email: luna339@gmaildotcom
"Forgiveness is letting go of all hope of a better past." ~ Anne Lamott
"Sometimes our fate resembles a fruit tree in winter. Who would think that those branches would turn green again and blossom, but we hope it, we know it." ~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
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life from here: musings from the edge 
I saw your website after reading some threads on IVF connections, a place in which I am a member. I wanted to wish you good luck and hope you find your embryos implanted soon. You seem like a lovely person and a deep, insightful writer (I just left a comment on your letter to a friend post). I wanted to also add that I had pprom mid second trimester as well and went on to have a full term pregnancy. With hope, Michelle
To edit the above message: I meant to say above that it was a pprom 2nd trimester loss, like you had, not a success story in that instance, but was able to carry to term in a subsequent pregnancy.
Hi!
I run a website, https://www.babyblogorama.net, that lists ttc, expecting, and parenting bloggers to help us all find one another. I’ve added your site to the blogroll. If you need me to correct any information or if you would like for me to remove the link, please let me know. Also, if you could help me get the word out about https://www.babyblogorama.net, I would really appreciate it!
Best wishes,
Tina Roggenkamp
https://www.babyblogorama.net
https://babyblogorama.blogspot.com/
tina.roggenkamp@babyblogorama.net
It’s never too late! You guys are doing great. All of my thoughts and prayers are with you as you prepare for your homestudy.
Best,
Meghan
I read your recent blogs and laughed and cried at the same time. When I was going through the 4 yr infertility experiments, EVERYONE was pregnant, got pregnant, had another baby, and yet there was no way my body was going to let me be in the club. So after the homestudy, papers, papers, interviews…I feel for you and hope that this comes to the end that you want.
Best of everything
You are an amazing person. I wish you peace and success!
Hello-
I am an adoptive mom who rode the infertility roller coaster for four years. I just started a not for profit called Parenthood for Me.
Our mission is to provide financial and emotional support to those starting families through adoption and medical intervention.
I am reaching out to the adoption and infertility community to spread the word. Please visit my website and sign up to be on our mailing list.
Also, if possible, pass the link on to your circle.
I appreciate the help and good luck to you.
Sincerely,
Erica Walther Schlaefer
Hi Luna,
I just noticed that you blocked me from following you in Twitter. 😦 I realize that might be because you don’t recognize me – my Twitter name is Victoress, though I am also QVC on Blogger (I’ve commented on your blog before.) I now have my very own blog (https://wereyoulookingforme.wordpress.com) that you can check out.
I’ll understand if you still don’t want me following you – I just thought I would look into it a bit. (No pressure!)
Victoria
I pray you are able to adopt a child or two. I found this blog when trying to google the quote “Forgiveness is letting go of all hope for….” *I didn’t know who said it). Your blog was about the 7th item on the page.
May much hope come into your life shortly.
Hi there.
I find your blog so moving. Thank you. I represent a parenting webzine and would love to interview you for our site. I couldn’t find an email address on “Life From Here”… if you’re willing, would you able to shoot me an email? I’ll give you more info. (no need to post this comment… just trying to get a hold of you.) 🙂
Many thanks!
Laura
Hello,
We loved your entry last year for the “What IF” Blog Challenge. So, we wanted to make sure you knew about the new RESOLVE Blog Challenge! We hope that you will submit a new blog about the biggest infertility myth and how has it effected your life or the life of your friends and family members. Bloggers who submit their blog during the National Infertility Awareness Week (April 24-April 30) will be eligible to win the RESOLVE Hope Award for Best Blog. Please click here for details: https://goo.gl/cFHCI
Thank you,
Marnee Beck
RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association
When I started this blog I said “Time is running out, and I’m still hoping it’s not too late…” Well, it’s never too late.
Such prescient words!!!
I just found your blog through promptly and, after reading just the first few posts and this page, I am thrilled for you. Your story is almost dangerously hope-inducing. Congratulations! I will be following and have a feeling that this little one will be the recipient of more well wishes from 24 weeks gestation on than most people in their entire lifetimes.
I love this. It’s never too late. Beautiful.