BYOB: Buy Your Own Bean???

It pains me to say that this is the end of the road for me…and this blog.  My intention in starting it was as therapy.  A place for me to come and vent my frustrations, record my journey and find support from others with similar struggles.  Fortunately for me, I found wonderful support from all of you out there who followed along.  It reminded me that I wasn’t alone and that meant the world to me.  I am now two months into my motherhood journey.  Baby B is all I could have ever hoped and dreamed she would be.  We’ve had our little struggles while getting to know each other but we are persevering.  The days are busier and I have little time to come here now.  When I do have free time, I continue to follow YOUR journeys…cheering silently for those who are still fighting the fight and smiling and laughing with those who are embracing motherhood.  This blogging community saved me when I needed to find my sanity. 

Each day, I remind myself of lucky and blessed I am to have a beautiful, healthy daughter and a supportive and loving husband.  I am in love with our family.  I hope that you are in love with yours too.

Better late than never…

Friday, October 1^st, Mr. B and I checked in on L&D at 6:00 am.  The nurse started my IV and drew labs.  At 8:00 am, Dr. OB arrived and broke my water.  Low dose Pitocin was started.  Fortunately for me, Dr. OB gave me the clearance to get the epidural ASAP, so the nurse pre-loaded my with fluids and called Anesthesia for the hook-up.  And can I tell you, the Anesthesiologist got there just in the nick of time because my contractions had gotten so strong that I was crying with each one of them.  I commend all of you out there who went the natural route, but not this girl.  I wanted my drugs!  After the epidural, the nurse re-checked me and I was 5cm.  Ten minutes later, I was 7cm.  I couldn’t believe how fast my labor was progressing, especially since I was a first-timer.  By 12:00 pm, I was 10 cm dilated and ready to push.  After a couple of pushes, the nurse said we needed the baby to come down a little further.  She sat me up in bed to help things out.  An hour later, we started pushing again.  Dr. OB showed up about halfway through.  I pushed for a full hour but Baby B couldn’t get passed my pelvic bone.  She was also facing upwards (sunny side up) which made it harder for her to be delivered.  Dr. OB gave me a break and said he would come back at 4:00 pm to try pushing again.  I pushed for another hour but Baby B couldn’t make her way through.  Dr. OB tried the vacuüm but was unsuccessful.  Dr. OB said he gave up and it was time to move to the OR for a C-section.  At that point, I was too tired to care or be scared about the surgery.  I wanted to meet my daughter!  So, at 5:44pm, Baby B was born via c-section.  She weighed 8# 3oz and measured 20 inches in length.  It was the most incredible experience ever.  Mr. B and I were in love with her from the moment we saw her!

Since I basically had a vaginal and c-section, my recovery has been really rough.  I was in alot of pain from swelling down below along with discomfort at  the incision site.  I apparently had the start of pre-eclampsia on Friday cause my BP was high throughout the labor and remained that way after delivery.  I also had extreme swelling of my face and legs after delivery too.  After 5 long days in the hospital, the three of us went home.  My first semi-decent day related to the pain and swelling was 6 days later.  My mom stayed with us because I still needed help caring for myself, nevermind caring for Baby B.  She and Mr. B made a great team taking care of the both of us.  They were both a God-send.  Mr. B has been incredible throughout the entire ordeal.  Because of my inability to care for Baby B in the first few days, he had to learn quickly.  After the first day in the hospital, he was an old pro with feedings and poopy diapers.  He still is an enormous help to me even today and loves Baby B with all of his heart.  Seeing him with her makes me love him even more than I thought possible.  Night time remains a challenge for all three of us but it’s seems to be getting better as each day passes.

Baby B had lots of swelling to her scalp because she couldn’t make it through my pelvis while I was pushing.  As a result, her poor little head took a beating.  She had really bad caput over the entire back part of her head along with a bruised neck and two scalp lacerations.  Her face was also really puffy after delivery too.  Because of the birth trauma, Baby B developed and elevated bilirubin level and needed phototherapy during our hospital stay.  Her levels weren’t low enough on the day of discharge so the Pediatrician sent us home with a bili-blanket.  Mr. B and my mom took her to the lab every morning for bilirubin levels and we finally got to discontinue the bili-blanket on that Friday.  By two weeks of age, Baby B’s head swelling completely resolved along with all of the swelling and bruising to her poor little face.  Besides all of that, she is a good baby.  She eats 3 ounces every 3-4 hours and sleeps well.

Needless to say, it’s been busy around here between my recovery and Baby B’s jaundice issues but we’re hanging in there.  Despite all of it, I still can’t believe this precious child is really mine and I am savoring every moment with her. 

I’m still working on the birth story.  My goal is to have it posted by the weekend.  It’s amazing how little free time you have once a newborn enters your life.  I find myself forgetting to eat meals and grab sleep when I can.  Mr. B has been truly amazing since Baby B’s arrival.  For never having held a baby or fed one, he got thrown to the wolves in the hospital and has been amazing ever since.  He is the most wonderful father and absolutely adores his little princess.  As I watch him with our daughter, I fall more in love with him.  I am truly the luckiest girl in the world.  I just look around my house and feel happy and complete.  Here’s a picture for you.  Introducing Baby B…

And here’s one more…

I apologize for posting so late.  The last few days have been quite the journey.  I couldn’t be happier to announce that the birth of our daughter took place on October 1, 2010 at 5:44pm.  Baby B weighed in at 8 pounds, 3 ounces and measured 20 inches.  We are finally home and doing better.  In the next few days, I will post the birth story and pictures with all of the details.  Unfortunately, the delivery wasn’t as easy as I hoped it would be…but we’re both on the mend.

Sorry I’ve been MIA lately.  I’ve just been so tired and a little cranky.  I didn’t post after last week’s routine OB appointment cause I had a bit of a breakdown and just didn’t feel up to it.  Everything was fine but Baby B decided to sleep through her NST which put me over the edge.  I started crying and fearing the worst but she got really rowdy towards the end and made me feel better.  All my other stats were on target.

Well, yesterday’s appointment was more of the same.  I spent the morning spotting so I figured things were brewing up in cervix land.  Fortunately, Mr. B accompanied me to the appointment for moral support and I’m so glad he did.  Weight, urine and blood pressure were all fine and Baby B’s heart rate was in the 140s as usual.  But, again, she decided to nap during the NST.  The freak-out ensued and I think I scared the nurse.  Dr. OB came in to reassure me that the baby was fine but I wasn’t buying it.  He checked my cervix and determined that I’m 3cm dilated and 70% effaced.  Through my tears, he offered to send me to L&D for more monitoring to reassure me.  I gladly took him up on the offer.  Mr. B and I arrived to the unit and got hooked up to the monitors.  Baby B was way more active which made me feel alot better.  Turns out, I was also contracting every 5 minutes.  We stayed there for about 2 hours.  Afterwards, Dr. OB came and said it was OK for me to leave, returning for bleeding, stronger and more consistent contractions or water gushes.  The new plan is to report to the hospital on Friday morning at 6:00 am for induction since I’ve already started things on my own…unless I go into labor naturally between now and then.  BirthDay should be Friday!  Dr. OB said after I get admitted on Friday, he’ll break my water, hook me up with my epidural and let it ride.  For some reason, he’s quite confident it won’t take long and I sure do hope he’s right.  Until Friday…

I had my routine appointment with Dr. OB today.  All is well with my belly measurements, urine and blood pressure.  Baby B passed the NST with flying colors again.  My blood sugar is fine and things are moving right along at 36 1/2 weeks.  My induction is scheduled for the evening of September 30th (I’ll be exactly 39 weeks).  That date was chosen cause Dr. OB is on call just in case things go quicker than expected.  So, for now, it looks like Baby B’s birthday will be on Friday, October 1st…unless she decides otherwise.  If I was a betting girl, I’d say October 1st will be the day.

Today, I headed back to Dr. OB’s office for a complete work-up.  Mr. B left work early to come with me.  We started the afternoon with an ultrasound which was sort of anti-climactic.    Poor little Baby B is so cramped that we could only see pieces and parts of her.  She’s head down and facing my spine so we couldn’t see her little face.  The tech measured everything she needed to and everything looked great.  Next, it was off to start the NST.  After about 20 minutes, Baby B passed with flying colors.  My blood sugar numbers have been good on the Metformin but Dr. OB tweaked my dosage anyway.  He answered all of my questions, filled out my maternity leave paperwork and swabbed me for GBS.  Last but not least, I got the good ole cervical check and…NADA.  ZILCH.  It’s like Fort Knox up there.  He did say Baby B’s head is down low so at least that’s in my favor.  My next appointment is on Monday.  We’ll get another NST and choose an induction date!  Yippeeeee! 

Things have gotten very uncomfortable for me as of late.  It really feels like Baby B is gonna puncture my lung or break a rib.  She tap dances into my rib cage all day long which sends my back into spasms.  It’s not so fun.  Nevertheless, it seems like I’ll have about 3 more weeks to go unless she decides otherwise.  If I was a betting woman, I’d say she’s staying put until the induction.  That’s all I’ve got for now.  Everything is ready for her arrival.  All we need is her safe and sound.

Today, I had my weekly visit with Dr. OB.  All went well.  My weight, blood pressure, belly measurement and urine check were fine and Baby B’s heartbeat was strong and steady in the 150s.  The nurse hooked me up to the monitor and the NST was underway.  I guess I was only on the monitor for about 30 minutes or so and Baby B did great.  She had some heart rate accelerations and moved around a fair amount during the test…so, we passed.  The only issue remains that my fasting blood sugar numbers are higher than Dr. OB would like them to be.  I’ve really tried just about everything and there doesn’t seem to be a rhyme or reason to how the numbers go.  Ironically enough, I got my lowest fasting number this morning which was 85 (<90 is the goal).  Now, this number was after having the same bedtime snack at the same time and testing at the same time in the morning.  Why it decided to be lower this morning escapes me.  Anyways, Dr. OB decided to switch me to Metformin 500mg twice daily instead of the Glyburide 2.5mg once daily.  I hope it does the trick. 

My next appointment is Tuesday.  I’ll have an ultrasound to see how big Baby B is along with a NST.  I hope she’s not enormous.  I have to wait 7 days to find out.  I’m also assuming that based on what the ultrasound shows, induction dates will be discussed.  Dr. OB said he won’t let me go passed 39 weeks and I don’t think he’ll take Baby B any earlier than 38 weeks.  Now that this pregnancy seems to be wrapping up, I’ve reflected on the Best and Worst of Pregnancy.  Please understand that I am fortunate to even be in the position I am having been through the IVF process.  I know how lucky Mr. B and I are that we got pregnant on the first cycle.  My Best and Worst by no means is to imply that I’m ungrateful.  The list is simply my reflection on the last 8 1/2 months…

The Best Things About Pregnancy:

Seeing those two incredible lines on the HPT.

Seeing the heartbeat for the first time at 6 weeks on ultrasound.

Feeling Baby B move for the first time.

Finding out Baby B was a girl.

Seeing Baby B’s face for the first time on the 3D ultrasound.

Having an even closer bond with Mr. B than I ever could have imagined.  I know our bond will only get stronger once our little princess arrives.

Having perfect strangers be more considerate and thoughtful by opening doors or letting me cut in line : )

The Worst Things About Pregnancy:

Bleeding like a stuffed pig off and on for several weeks during the first trimester along with occasional bedrest.

Morning sickness all the live long day…and night.

Giving up Feta cheese, Diet Coke, cold cuts, steak cooked medium, licking the bowl after baking a cake and all of the other things you should avoid.

Frequent trips to the bathroom to pee all day and night…and infrequent trips to the bathroom because of constipation from HELL!

Pre-term contractions and early cervical exams.

Having those same perfect strangers ask you horribly inappropriate questions and molest you in public.

Hearing the constant comments about how big my belly is getting.

Cankles and massive hair growth in unusual places. 

GESTATIONAL DIABETES!

Insomnia in the first and last trimesters.

Being super-huge and pregnant during the dog days of summer with average temperatures in the 100s…heat index 115.

Trouble breathing because Baby B’s favorite place to snuggle up is under my rib cage.

Even though the WORST has been pretty bad, the I wouldn’t trade it for the world.  I’m grateful that I have been fortunate enough to experience pregnancy at all.  Look out parenthood…here we come!

Sorry I’ve been MIA.  Things have gotten pretty busy around here lately.  First things first…Gestational Diabetes.  It sucks, to put it mildly.  The diet itself really hasn’t been bad but the planning and preparing for meals and snacks continues to be a drag.  What’s worse than that is the anxiety and anticipation as the monitor counts down til my blood sugar result.  Five seconds of pure anxiety four times a day which was starting to cause anger and depression.  I have worked really hard to test out different food combinations to figure out how I could get the best numbers.  I found what worked for me and kept the routine.  The only problem was that my numbers started to creep up even though the timing of meals or the meals themselves weren’t changing.  Major frustration and many tears ensued.  Not good times.  I was feeling like a failure.  This pregnancy has been pretty hard on me and this just seemed to be the icing on the cake…what was finally gonna put me over the edge!  I had my Baby Shower on Sunday.  You would think I would have been excited, right?  Nope.  I spent the morning crying and feeling sorry for myself because my fasting and after breakfast numbers were 5-10 points higher than the acceptable range.  Poor Mr. B didn’t know what to do with me.  At that time, I made the executive decision to put the glucose monitor away for the rest of the day and indulge (but no go overboard) at my Shower.  I got over myself, got ready and headed to the party.  More about that later.  So, my routine appointment with Dr. OB was Monday.  I walked into the office with my head down in shame because my numbers weren’t cooperating.  Dr. OB walked in and asked me how I was doing.  My response… “I’m pissed!”  He started laughing as I explained my predicament.  He was really comforting and told me that GDM gets harder and harder to manage as the pregnancy progresses due to the hormones and the growth of the placenta.  He didn’t think my numbers were as bad as I thought they were which was a HUGE relief.  However, he did start me on medication.  I’m now on Glyburide 2.5mg by mouth once a day after breakfast.  It seems to be helping my post meal numbers but isn’t really helping my fasting numbers.  I assume he’ll be tweaking the dosage or timing when I see him on Monday.  As much as I didn’t want to go on medication for this, I must admit it as taken alot of pressure off and helped to lighten my mood about things.  And it’s only for a few more weeks.  He said I will meet my baby girl by the end of September.  I can hardly wait!

Now, about the Baby Shower…it was last Sunday at my Mom’s house.  My sister and two best friends helped her host the party and it was a great success.  We had a great turn-out and got alot of beautiful things.  The food was outstanding and the cake was incredible!  Yes, I had a piece of cake…but it was a small piece.  My only complaint about the wonderful afternoon was that most people didn’t buy off the registry.  I know, what a brat, right?  I feel bad for even saying that but we didn’t get one bottle or crib sheet or any of the practicalities involved when caring for a newborn.  What I can say is that my child will be dressed to the nines with all of her fabulous smocked dresses and clothes.  Her closet is full! 

After getting home from the shower, Mr. B and I had the best time looking through all the gifts.  We were exhausted and turned in early…but at 3am, I couldn’t sleep.  I proceeded to make a master list of all the things we still needed to be ready for Baby B’s arrival.  And Monday, I started my manic nesting extravaganza.  I shopped til I dropped at Walmart and Target and hit Babies R Us on Tuesday.  I got everything else we needed and it’s all put away in her room.  I’m sleeping so much better now that I know we are ready.

For your viewing pleasure…

Two of my dear friends put their blood, sweat and tears into making this cake for the big celebration!

And now, a Belly shot at 32 weeks…

Last Saturday, I had to go back to the lab for a fasting glucose level.  At my routine appointment with Dr. OB this morning, I found out the results.  It was 90!!!!  Dr. OB was pleased…and I was too.  The appointment went well.  My belly is measuring on track and Baby B’s heart rate was in the 160’s.  My blood pressure was normal and I had minimal weight gain.  The only issue I had was now having to test my blood sugar twice a day.  Yep.  Even though I’ve followed my diet plan, Dr. OB wants me to check my fasting blood sugar every morning (should be under 90) and after one meal a day of my choosing.  So, two hours after the meal of my choice, I need to test (should be under 120).  I know two times a day isn’t as bad as four times a day but it still stinks!  I’ve also been trying to work in 15-20 minutes of walking after dinner which is supposed to keep the levels lower too.  I guess I’ll get to test that theory soon, as in tomorrow.  I return to Dr. OB in two weeks.  Then, I move on to weekly visits with NSTs.

In other news, I searched high and low for a dress to wear to my upcoming Baby Shower.  It was quite the struggle but I finally found one today.  I’m really looking forward to the celebration which will happen in two weeks.  And I hope we get lots of goodies too.  And in case you were wondering, I will be partaking in cake and other delights at the party…but only at the party.  Then, back to the diet I will go.

Other than that, nothing else much is going on.  I am working on getting my hospital bag packed and ready to go.  I am concentrating hard on this GD diet.  I am still not sleeping well and waking up every 2 hours to pee and change positions.  I am cherishing all of Baby B’s movements and motions because I know they will only happen on the outside in a few short weeks.  And I am enjoying lots of quality time with Mr. B because our time alone is coming to an end.