KUNG MAY MAKATI, KAMUTIN MO

Dahil noon pa nasabi ko na, wala kasing nagbabasa ng mga patawang MTRCB reviews na ito. So bakit ko pinagtitiyagaang ipost ngayon? Para maiabolish ang MTRCB? Ang MMFF? Kevs!

Akin ang nasa [ ].

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Shake Rattle and Roll 11

Rating: G

After the productions undertook voluntary deletions to shorten the scenes of gore and scary portions, the committee voted to recommend a “G” or “General Audience” classification.  [So pwedeng patayin sa sindak ang bata pero dapat 10-15 seconds lang. Sige ilabas si Satanas sa 12. Pero patay na si Romy Diaz.]

The committee further notes the artistic merit in the plots employed; and the cutting edge special effects. [See wedding dress sa picture above. Balita ko ginamitan to ng WETA. Hindi nga. Hindi totoo ang tsismis na tinalian lang ng nylon yan.]

Likewise since this film is an entry in the Metro Manila Film Festival, the Members of the Committee took this fact into consideration. [Anong fact? What the fuck?]

Prepared by: Susan Umali

Reviewed by: N. del Prado, M. Hernando, Laguardia

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I Love You Goodbye

Rating: PG-13

Please refer to the attached synopsis. [Wala pong synopsis. Kahit itanong pa sa manager ng sinehan.]

Some intimate scenes have convinced the Committee Members to recommend A “PG” or Parental Guidance-13Classification. [Ang tsismis sa bakuran ng ABS, dapat si Kim at Angelica talaga ang may relasyon dito. Pero ayon kay Mam Charo atbp bosing sa Star, tama na, minsan lang sila gagawa ng pelikula tungkol sa mga bakla.]

The film bears the redeeming value of artistic excellence in cinematography, acting and screenplay. [Wow! Sinematograpiya tungo sa redempsyon ng moralidad? Sindihan lahat ng flashlight!]

Likewise the fact that this film is an entry in the MMFF is one of the factors considered by the committee. [Fact you din!]

The committee further recommends the posting of this parental advisory. “Some scenes of romance and intimacy may require viewer discretion. [Gabby at Angelica? Potah! Siyempre naman!]

Prepared by: Susan Umali

Reviewed by: N. del Prado, M. Hernando, E.H.J. Mallonga

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Ang Panday

Rating: G

Sequel of the Panday series where Flavio meets the demon Lizardo, who killed his parents when he was young. They meet again now that he is a grown man and he defeats Lizardo. G recommended as the story is a fantasy where children can enjoy. [Bubuhayin daw sana si FPJ para sa bersyong ito gamit ang CGI pero naghabol si Mama Susan. Wala daw baby fats ang mister niya. At makuntento na raw tayo sa superspecial guest appearance ni Anne Curtis bilang diyosa ng lumot at kulambo.]

Prepared by: Elias Pura

Reviewed by: R. de Leon, H.C. Bautista, Laguardia

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Ang Darling Kong Aswang

Rating: G

Horror fantasy-comedy contains mild violent scenes involving mythical creatures, specifically “aswangs”, an advisory is recommended: “SOME SCARY HORROR SCENES MAY NEED VIEWER DISCRETION”. [Ibinatay ito sa bilang ng eksena ni Allan K at Ritchie D’Horsey.]

With the voluntary deletions on two brief sex-oriented scenes, and the inclusion of the advisory, this movie is allowed for a GENERAL AUDIENCE. [Ayon sa grapevine, ang una ay ang bestiality scene ni Vic kasama si Christine bilang aswang. Ang ikalawa ay shot ng 2 askal, opo askal lang naman, na nagkakangkangan. Hindi kasi mapag-iba ng mga taga-MTRCB kung alin ang mas scary. Ika nga ng isang opisyal, “they all look like dogs to me.”]

Prepared by: Shirley Galica

Reviewed by: E.H.J. Mallonga, M.C. Concordia, Laguardia

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Mano Po 6: A Mother Love

Rating: G

The production representative have offered to delete two shots which may disturb and traumatize children. Without these scenes, the movie may be viewed by children. [Opo, totoo ang tsismis. Ang dalawang eksenang inalis ay mga cameo ni Mother Lily.]

Prepared by: Leopoldo del Mundo

Reviewed by: M. Hernando, T. Villarama, Laguardia

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Nobody But Juan

Rating: G

There are no objectionable scenes, and this film is fit for a filmfest; okay for ‘G.’ [Tangna naman! Hindi pa ba objectionable ang eksena sa larawan? Titigan mo. Oo, titigan mong mabuti. Naman!]

Prepared by: Leopoldo del Mundo

Reviewed by: N. del Prado, J.S. Gavino, Laguardia

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Wapakman

Rating: G

Scenes are family-oriented and generally wholesome. May thus be shown to all types of viewers. [Napanuod daw ito ni Hollyfield kaya’t umatras ang boksingero sa iniiskedyul nilang match. Wala daw siyang powers laban sa isang superhero.]

Prepared by: Susan Umali

Prepared by: N. del Prado, V. dela Cruz, B. Molina