My mom suffered a stroke on Wednesday, October 14. I had received a call from an employee in her assisted living building that she had been found wandering the hallways of a different section of the very large complex. They were cleaning her up. I called her and she could not figure out how to use the phone. “She’s had a stroke,” I said. “Please call an ambulance.”
The ambulance took her to the hospital she had worked as a nurse at most of her adult life. Because of Covid-19, I wasn’t able to get in to see her until Friday the 16th. She was confused and weak and agitated. Every little sound disturbed. But she knew who I was and was relieved to have me there. I was a relieved as she was when I was allowed in to see her.
I spent most of the next two days with her. Trying to get her to eat or drink but she had no interest in it. She didn’t talk much but at one point she asked if I’d call her sister-in-law Myrna, to see if Myrna could give her a call (Myrna passed not too long ago – they spoke on the phone frequently up until then). And then she asked if I could get Gordon (my dad who passed away in 1987) to come see her. I gently said, “probably not” and left it at that. “Oh, that’s right,” she replied, “he has MS. That would be too hard for him”.
After her two day stay at the hospital she was transferred to the Transitional Care Unit of her apartment complex. Due to Covid, I couldn’t get in to see her. But I reached out to the people I “got” on the inside and they started spending time with her a couple of times each day. And her unit staff was very kind and took all of our calls and brought the phone to her here so we could talk. She didn’t say much and was growing weaker.
Unfortunately, the following Sunday, a week after her staying in the Transitional Care Unit, she fell out of bed. And she fell hard, hitting her head and bleeding. She was taken back to her hospital where she now had to get 3 staples. She’d landed on her bum and because of her medication had a mighty hematoma. Poor itty bitty Betty, who I’m guessing now weighed in at 90 pounds or less.
They got her set and sent her back to the Transitional Care Unit. At the same time, I was setting her up for hospice.
This week she got moved to the Long Term Care unit of the building and we waited to see how much left of Betty we had. We still had a little bit left of her. Hospice sent a nurse and aide on Monday. Her Long Term Care nurses were caring and compassionate and never acted as though we were disturbing them when we asked them to take the phone down to mom. She still couldn’t handle the phone and she was mostly not talking but sometimes she was and it was so good!
I was working to get myself in to spend time with her but her facility has successfully kept Covid away so is very strict. I’m so thankful for their diligence. But on Wednesday the hospice nurse said that mom was “transitioning” and was going to start coming for daily visits and to talk about discontinuing medications, leaving her with morphine for pain and something for agitation.
That update worked with administration to get me in. And once they got me in I was able to get my brother, my niece (her very best granddaughter) and my sister-in-law in to say goodbye.
Yesterday I got the facility to commit to short, brief, daily visits for me and once that happened, I pushed for my niece, Tracy – Betty’s favorite grandchild who just also happens to be a hospice nurse.
Yesterday afternoon the hospice nurse called to tell me that mom was “actively dying”. We were thinking she’d probably be gone by this Sunday.
I went and spent a half hour or so with her, sang to her, told her it was time to stop being afraid and let go. Go on to her heaven that I’d told her about. When she didn’t stop breathing I said, “Fine! I guess you’re waiting for Tracy to tell you it’s okay to go!” I kissed her goodbye and I went home.
Tracy checked in with me when she was hanging out with Grandma. And then she called me to tell me that Grandma died at 7:14, after Tracy told her she should go. And I’m so glad it was Tracy that she listened to. And I’m glad it was Tracy who got to send her on her way – with the promises of a 75% discount at the Dollar Store in Heaven.
Sometimes I get upset that we don’t have euthanasia in this state. But we do have a humane way of allowing the body to shut down and if you partner that with two very special family members who are telling you it’s okay to let go and there’s a very special heaven waiting for you, you really don’t need the official method of Euthanasia. Betty died very peacefully. She didn’t gasp. She didn’t cry out. She just took one last breath and no more.
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