Maybe flying away isn’t such a bad idea

Flying with the crows

Hiding beneath their magnificent wings of shining black

They would lead quite the procession

Guides into a new world

Past the sentinels who stand guard

Guardians of Peace

Where I can lay down for a spell

And heal my wounded mind

I hate anxiety and stress.

I hate depression.

I am not in a bad place where I’d do anything, though I have thought about it. I won’t hurt myself like I once did. I won’t take my life like I once considered.

I want to be free of it and whole again.

Instead, it is my gift and burden to carry.

I still hate it…

This year has been a busy year.

Here I sit at 5:30 in the morning. I’ve been awake for over an hour (happens daily around 3:30 or 4 in the morning). Restless and reflecting. I reflect often.

I love life. I’m in a good place and I’m blessed. Yet, I can’t stop thinking about things left behind. Meaningful relationships that have since gone by the wayside. I miss them.

I miss so much and wish I could tell them in person and apologize in person for the pain I caused. The hurt I inflicted.

I’m sorry. I’m deeply sorry. Although I have mostly forgiven myself, I feel regret for the things I said and did.

I have moved forward. I’m married to a wonderful woman. We just celebrated a year last week.

We just married off her daughter last month. My kids and her kids are all adults now. My youngest is 19. The years have flown by.

I’ve worked on being a better father these days. Making up for lost time. I’m a better man today than I was yesterday. I’m better each day and I strive to be better. I work so hard on myself.

We’re selling both our homes and currently building a new one.

I’m healthy with myself and with my wife. Although I struggle at times with anxiety and even some depression. I forge through them and navigate them. I’m learning.

I have a therapist who works with me and challenges me.

I see so much more than I’ve ever seen in myself. I reflect frequently and do a self evaluation. Sometimes it’s unpleasant.

Here’s to a good finish to 2025.

To you who left a lasting impression on my life, I hope you’re well and happy. I miss you and I’m sorry.