I was with Big Sis today, at a Christmas Tree Farm with her 1st grade class… and I was talking to a few other parents and teachers about the adoption, and I hear, “You two are just the most wonderful people ever.” And it sort-of drives me crazy. I’m not looking to be wonderful. I’m looking to INSPIRE. So that other people will see the need and do what we’re doing….

Or that others will see ANOTHER need and address that one.

I don’t want praise, because all glory is God’s. What I’d like, though, is that if you think anything about me is praiseworthy, pay it forward by doing a kind deed for someone else. 

Whether seen or unseen, God sees the good deed. 

Tomorrow we’re giving homemade cookies, candy, and lip balm to our garbage men. Little Sis is in LOVE with the big truck and the fact that they honk at her every week. 

Mr. Wonderful and I are in a bit of a rough patch at the moment, but with prayers and God’s direction, we are both confident that things will come around quickly. 

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. 14 I will be found by you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back from captivity.I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile.”

I am no longer captive to sin and the enemy. Praise God! And even though God forgave me many long years ago, my recent admissions will be the cause of much counseling.

I won’t discuss it here… but it was before I began this blog… before I was the person I am now… before I truly trusted in God… 

So now, with God’s help, I will come back from the Captivity of sin and death. I am ready to live my life now, the way God intended. And for that reason alone, I’m shaking the name Jayleigh. Jayleigh is a gal who I thought I wanted to be. But she’s an idealized version.

Hi Blog friends, my name is Jenny. Many of you know that already, but I want a fresh start. I am ready to work at making things new. I am ready to trust and be trusted. I am ready to love, in the purest sense of the word. I am ready to LIVE.

it angers me that the enemy is always trying to make me think that things my life are so bad. when in reality, if you look around it’s not so bad. People really try to do a lot of good for other people.
I noticed this today at work when my mother in law came in with my husbands cousin… she’s not quite right the cousin, and my mother
in law was taking her around to find a birthday card for her friend.

if I’m honest I will tell you that my sister in law is not quite right either, although we love her very much. she does her very best to help out her mom and help out her cousin too.

so many people who come into my store are like this and they are just barely scraping by and get there helping other people too. I just wanted to remember that now.

Because the girls’ adoption should be final in March or April, and then there are two more babies from the same family who may need a home soon.

Just pray for us, please? With everything in me, I’m praying that my Jamey boy will come home.

they’re so very much emotion tied to those last 2 statements. it’s making the last 26 months melt away in my mind.

the fear and anger, the disgust, the rage are beginning to melt away and be replaced by peace and light and love.

our god is truly amazing.

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Youu’ve outed me.

I’m a “work to be accepted” girl. Do you completely hate it when someone doesn’t seem to like you and you did NOTHING and they won’t tell you what is wrong or make it up to them? That’s how I am and I hate it.

June 19, my hubby and I packed up our 4 and 6 year old (foster) daughters and drove to California from Michigan. We returned on July 3. Loooooooooong trip!

The way out was fun and I was in a good mood and ready to rest and read my Bible and spend time in the Word while my husband drove all those looooong miles.

–btw we have that Storybook Bible and LOVE IT!—

We got to California and my sister got married and we had some fun days, and then began the looooooooooooooooooooooong trek home. The first day, Big Sis though she’d yank a whole curl from Little Sis’ head. Little Sis screamed and I flailed my arm into the back seat to redirect attention from hitting and pulling hair. My hand made contact with the plastic car seat and hit just so, and I was positive I broke my hand. (I didn’t but MAN did it hurt!)

So, somewhere in Nevada, we stopped at a WalMart to get an ice pack. We went through the store, girls whining and fussing, me feeling like a complete failure because of the anger in my heart and as the girls and I came out of the bathroom, this lady stopped me.

“You’re an excellent Mom,” she said. She cited many reasons why. I asked if she was serious and told her what the kids had been doing in the car just previously. She said, “They are respectful and they obey you, and you must be some special kind of lady to have such young children in these circumstances really acting so well.”

I got back into the car (with the kids!) and told my hubby what happened. I was on CLOUD NINE because… I had felt so ugly inside and was so angry at them. I was not seeing any blessings but just nastiness and anger and hurt.

Fast forward to yesterday, July 4. We have been home for one day. The kids were so used to travelling and they were acting up TERRIBLY! The heat index here in Michigan was 108 and we are just not ever used to living in that kind of temperature.

Went to WalMart to supply our COMPLETELY EMPTY cupboards, and again, kids naughty, not listening. I was doing my level best not to just scream at them.

Finished at the check out and Big Sis DEMANDED to go to the bathroom. “We live FIVE MINUTES AWAY,” I told her. She said she was going to mess herself, so I agreed.

We went into the bathroom, Big Sis in one stall, and Little Sis and me in the handicapped one next to her. The sanitary napkin box fell off the wall of her stall and after asking if she is OK, she lied and said, “I never touched it!!!!”

We went back and forth for a minute and I kept asking why if she never touched it, did it fall on the ground? It turned out that she was touching it (obviously) and she apologized.

And then, I nearly fainted when I lady was washing her hands and said to me,”You are such an excellent mom.”

She went on to say almost word-for-word what the lady in Nevada had said, but this time it was in Flint, Michigan.

I almost don’t know what else to say about it. I’m not looking for compliments, and I didn’t want to hog your comments, that’s why I put it here… but WEIRD, right?

I feel like I must be the best at everything or it wasn’t worth doing, or something… and to just ACCEPT that the Lord died for ME… even if I didn’t teach Sunday School or set up communion, or have a husband who’s the pastor of the church… just for me.

Just like I teach my girls.

Other than that, I feel as though I will stop freaking out once we get to California… but I should share a little secret : I don’t want to wait to enjoy my life…I want to live the abundant life the Lord has in His plan for me. HERE. NOW.

So now I will go finish my lunch and rejoice because….
The same God who brought me in will bring me out.

SIGH

Apparently, the “dementia” from which Toby was suffering, was actually bi-polar, at the extreme. The abuse the enemy has brought about  through Toby toward his wife and family is immense. Toby is still hospitalized, and we are all trying not to live in fear for what happens when he’s allowed out.

Father God, we love Toby and Ree. They are precious to us, and we are gutted by the fact that this is even happening. Help us to know how to act, Father, and what to say to help… or what not to say, in order to help.

 

Also, for my kids’ upcoming court dates, our vacation, finances, and health. And sister’s wedding, and Rob’s family who we’re seeing while we’re in California. Amen.