I wonder how I could have been so discouraged yesterday!
Let me just name out all the blessings from this afternoon:
- Stormy’s Dad said he would let her have her clothes and things back. There was a real concern that he would not.
- I have tomorrow off work!
- Stormy has a half-day of school tomorrow, so I am going to spend the morning with my parents, who live near her school!
- Stormy let me help blow-dry and scrunch her hair this morning. Also, she was adoring my earrings on her ride to school.
- The ride to school really only takes 20 minutes, so I figured out that I could get up at 6:30 to take her there, and get home before I need to shower and dress. Except that I loved coming home this morning and having breakfast and watching TV with Rob.
- When we picked Stormy up from her friend’s house today, Rob was able to meet the mom. And we all had a good talk on the way home. And I narrowly missed (but I MISSED) a mailbox when I was backing out of the friend’s driveway.
- Stormy is excited about Thursday being her “dinner” night. She gets to pick what we have and make it. So she and Rob went to the grocery store tonight and I came home and got to talk to my mom about Stormy’s storms without listening ears.
- My Aunt Laurel wants to throw a “Getting to know Stormy Party”. Stormy was THRILLED about it.
- We found out today that Stormy’s Aunt and Uncle are probably going to have custody of her within a month. After the fun we had tonight, I don’t want her to leave.
See how I run hot and cold? I think yesterday I was just holding out about opening up my life to include her in it. I did a lot of soul searching today, and I realized that I keep making comparisons between Stormy and our niece Mindy. They are quite similar, even look a little bit alike… but Mindy (as some of you mentioned in comments from the last post)… Mindy we have had since she was 6 years old. Mindy knows she can’t watch Family Guy and American Dad at my house. She knows not to even think of Horror movies, or crazy loud songs. Mindy loves Rob and me, and respects us. And we love her.
And THAT is where I kept getting caught. Stormy is not Mindy. Stormy is a gutsy, yet troubled young girl. But she is not our niece who knows us and knows the house rules. Stormy is so lighthearted sometimes, and I wonder how that can be, since she’s been through hell since the age of 9, really. But worse in the last couple of months.
Do you know that the school counselor told us yesterday that in 20 years on the job, Stormy is only the second person that’s said her life at home was so bad that she wanted to move out? It’s very brave of her to say that, and yet I can’t help but wonder if she was just trying to be allowed to move into her friend’s awesomely huge and amazing McMansion.
10. Tonight, I made dinner. Stormy sat at the table with us. It was a lot of fun. She also helped cook and helped put the food away afterward.
11. Stormy made ham roll-ups like her mom used to make for her when she was a small child. They have a sweet pickle in the middle instead of a green onion. Pretty delicious. But I saw beyond the food craving of hers, to nostalgia for her mom that she hasn’t been allowed to talk about or feel for about 6 years, since she was taken away from her mom. I believe that it signifys that she feels safe and …. I guess somewhat happy here, because she was eager to share that with Rob and me.
12. Stormy is an ice-cream fanatic. She is so cute. Rob and I will each get 2 scoops of ice cream, and stormy will have a hugely gigantic bowl full. With chocolate syrup on top. It tickles me.
13. TV. OK. Last night was ugly, because she didn’t want to watch Dancing with the Stars! And she wanted me to watch Horror Movie previews on the Netflix website. But tonight, we found a favorite show together. Ok this is really bad. It’s on MTV, a channel that I nearly V-chipped when Mindy lived here. It’s called Paris Hilton’s My New BFF. I am not ashamed to say that we watched a solid 2 hours of that tonight. It wasn’t, you know, building up to my soul, but at least it wasn’t a Horror Flick. AND. Stormy and I like the same chick on that show. We laughed and laughed. And when 11PM came, she was tired and went off to bed.
14. I finished the Purple Curtains for Stormy’s room. She likes purple and She didn’t like the red toppers I had in there from when we thought we were getting that little boy, Big D a while back. She said, “Jayleigh, this looks like a cowboy.” I told her that was good, because it was my original intention. So the fix? I just got purple bandannas and made a curtain topper from them. It matches the purple carpeting. Woohoo.
My life is wonderful. God is amazing. He showed me today that my driving Stormy to the little town where her school is located can be an act of love, if I let it be. God shows me daily that Stormy is a sweetheart, even if she’s having an attitude problem. But even then, she can’t help come out of her shell with Rob and me.
I would write more, but I am very tired. Thank you all so much for your prayers. I needed them. I still need them, but I know that God won’t let me flop. Rob and I are in this for the long haul. And I am finding beauty in the everyday sameness. And the mundane parental tasks. And the deciding on a House Love (Chore) List together yesterday. And in letting Stormy choose what she does and on which day. And in working along side of her to make sure our house is clean and safe and comfortable. As Noelle so aptly put it (in her comment on the last post), working as a TEAM. And that’s what Rob and I are striving for,
God bless you all!