About

I’m a mom but getting there wasn’t easy.

In 2001 I married the man of my dreams and one short year later, we started trying to have a baby. Things didn’t quite work out like we had hoped and life took some twists and turns we hadn’t expected.

After about 8 months, I started to chart in earnest & really track what was going on with my body. Armed with all my charts, I saw my Dr at the one year mark and we had the standard blood tests done. I was also simultaneously dealing with the untimely death of my dad – which is a whole other story – but the stress of that altered my cycle and the one month we didn’t try was the month we conceived. Sadly, that pregnancy was only to last a mere 7 weeks. There has never been a baby wanted more or loved more than the child we lost. It was our lifeline and when we lost it, we darn near came apart.

After the miscarriage, we tried and tried and tried some more. It wasn’t fun anymore either! After another 6 months I was referred to a local Gyno and had an HSG done and 3 months of clomid (which I refer to as the evil drug). I was a stark raving mad lunatic for 3 months and was none to sad to see that stuff go. We moved on to a local fertility clinic and after a quick laparoscopy, we had an IUI – no dice. We jumped into an IVF which produced a bunch of great embies, two of which we had transferred on day 3. Another negative result. We tried a frozen transfer but my body went all wacky and that got cancelled.

Pain, devastation, failure and frustration ruled our house.

We again tried another IUI since nobody could find any reason why we were not getting pregnant on our own. I over-stimmed and we had to convert to an IVF. We again had great quality embryos to work with but alas, the result was the same. We tried an FET and made it to transfer (barely) and again, no dice. Then we went for the big guns – we did a fresh IVF cycle and went for a day 5 blast transfer. Our embryos did great, we transferred 2 and still, no baby.

Enter adoption.

By March of 2006, I was done. My body was a shambles. My mind was scrambled. My heart was in pieces. I wanted to be a mom and biology didn’t matter. Once DH was on board, we forged ahead and began the process. We took our time, not really rushing but not dragging our feet either and by the end of October we were finished our homestudy and ready to be on “the list”. As a lark, I submitted our profile (technically not signed for approval yet) to a prospective birthmom in Ohio at the suggestion of our agency. A mere 1 week later, 4 hours after our official homestudy & profile package was dropped off at the agency, I got a call telling me we had been chosen to parent this woman’s child. We had some concerns but no time to address them because 5 days later we were on our way to an already booked vacation in the Dominican. Since the baby wasn’t due until the end of November, we figured we had a couple weeks to think it through clearly. Afterall, who the heck gets chosen so fast?

Little did we know what to expect a mere 10 hrs after returning home from the DR. A pre-arranged phone call to speak with those involved advised us that the baby was to be induced the next day, do we want this baby and how fast could we get there. That sparked phone calls to our parents and then we just sat on the couch in a daze while everyone around us went nuts. The next morning we were on our way to become parents.

Enter Monkey Girl, the most perfect teeny tiny bundle of energy that made my heart melt and scared the crap out of me all at once. At 4 days old she was placed lovingly (& painfully) in our arms where she has been ever since. After 4 years of heart ache, I was finally a mom.

This blog is just about me and my life. I still struggle with infertility at times. I struggle with adoption and openness at times. I struggle with parenting at times. And sometimes, I just blab about mundane crap. But through it all, I’ve managed to hold onto my sanity….barely.