I should be used to it by now.

It was a rough weekend but I loved our hotel room and our view was breathtaking. Every morning I sat on the balcony and got ready for work (did my hair and make-up out there) and every night with exception of one I sat out there to wind down before bed. I had a lot of fun with the girls I roomed with too. It was almost like camp. Well, I really wouldn’t know what camp is like because I never went to camp but I’d like to think last weekend was what it would have been like.

Here are the photos:  Walker Stalker Photos.

We have a little over a month until the next show and I wish I could say that I don’t have any travel scheduled during that time but I will probably have to drive to St. Louis for the real job before the next convention. I wish I could bring my mutt with me.

I’ve been having a small bout with a Case of the Sads for a little while. I know I’ll snap out of it soon and I have so much to be thankful and grateful for. Ridiculous amounts of things to be happy about and people who care about me and make me smile. It’s silly that I should have anything to be sad about at all, isn’t it?

I’m too old for a lot of the things that are bothering me. I really feel I should have had all of this stuff figured out by now, but no. To quote my friend Jessica “I….I just…I don’t get it.”

I have a HUGE crush on someone.

Those of you who have been friends with me for a while know that this NEVER ends well for me. I’m not exaggerating. Ask any of my nearest and dearest and they will tell you that I have The Worst record when it comes to romantic entanglements and for a multitude of reasons. Some within my control but many are incredibly far out of it.

I will admit to having “issues” and I tend to choose poorly. I take a lot of the responsibility for the way things have gone in the past. Not all of it, mind you. But a LOT of it.

But this guy. I am admiring him from afar and have for years. I kind of have to, he doesn’t live anywhere near me and up until about a year ago, he never even knew I existed.

This is where it gets weird.

I liked him before I ever knew what he looked like or what his voice sounded like or if he was actually a nice person. My crush on him came through the love of his artwork. Crazy, right? It’s the absolute truth. His artwork makes me smile and has, at times, made my eyes tear up (I rarely cry so that should tell you something) from how moved I was by the piece. Wow. That sounds ridiculously cheesy when I type that out loud, doesn’t it?

Over the past year or so I’ve had the pleasure of getting to know him just a tiny bit and, damn it, I like him. I don’t know him well at all. Our exchanges our brief but I truly enjoy and look forward to every, single one of them.

Don’t ask me what I intend to do about it. I have no clue. Wait this crush out and hope it goes away? Yes. That sounds like a solid plan to me.

Things have been a little crazy around my house for the past year and a half or so. I’m not complaining because everything has been great for the most part. I like my “real” job an awful lot (sometimes it scares me to admit that) and my “hobby” job is fantastic as well even though it has turned into something I was not expecting when I first volunteered for it. Do you know that I have been so busy that I almost forgot that my office is closed today and that I didn’t have to work?

I am headed to San Diego next week. I wish I could say that I would finally be attending San Diego Comic Con, but I am not. The convention I work for is having a Fan Fest that will run concurrent with SDCC. I might get to see my cousin and her daughter since they signed up to volunteer for our events. If they aren’t there, I probably won’t get to see them at all. That’s how busy we are when we roll into each town. There’s not much time left for anything that doesn’t involve the convention.

I have to be honest and say that I haven’t been taking very good care of myself lately. It’s starting to show and I have got to turn this around. I’m not really in the mood to go into details and it would sound awful silly when I have SO many things to be ridiculously grateful for and happy about so I will keep quiet for now and just try to get out of my own way where some of these silly problems are concerned. And in the big picture…they are silly.

This wasn’t much, but it is an attempt at getting better about putting some of these things “out there” instead of keeping them all to myself and my handwritten journals.

Let’s see what happens now, shall we?

Of course, I’m feeling a little reflective on New Year’s Eve. Cliché, I know. But this year has really been something. Ups and downs and health issues and financial problems and so many good times in between to temper all the bad that at times I couldn’t believe it was all happening to me.

Since the end of 2013 I have been involved in something pretty special and ever since then I’ve been kind of using the dates revolving around this thing as markers of time for the rest of the events of my life.

During the summer of 2013 I had been reading about these two guys that were putting together a fan event for people (like ME) who love AMC’s The Walking Dead. It was going to be a one-time thing and they had some of the stars from the show involved and it was to be held in Atlanta where the show films. I remember thinking that it sounded like a lot of fun so I reached out and sent an email to them and asked if they would possibly need any volunteer panel and floor photographers since I had some experience doing just that. It was worth a shot, right?

Well, I received a reply that they already had the photography aspect covered and thanked me for contacting them. I was disappointed, but not surprised. I was pretty sure they were being inundated with all sorts of talented photographers offering their services. I shrugged it off and didn’t think more about it.

I was working a job that I absolutely hated after getting laid off from a job I truly enjoyed. As far as my career goes, it was a terribly low point for me. I continued to do photography at conventions and motorcycle shows and began working with a dear friend of mine who owns a photo op company whenever they needed help and when I could make the road trips to accommodate. My little hobby was keeping me sane.

About three weeks after I’d received the email telling me that the photography for the Walking Dead fan event had already been taken care of, I received another communication asking if I was still interested! I immediately responded with a resounding “YES!”.

Later that day I spoke with Eric for the first time and discussed what would be expected and at that time he said he wanted someone who would take care of the administering and hosting of the photos and coordinating with some of the other photographers that they already had lined up for the event. Eric asked if I knew of another photographer that might want to work the show with me as it was turning out to be a pretty big.

Like almost all of my most rewarding experiences, I said “I’ve never done all that, but I can do it”. And I did.

I called my friend Amanda, who is a great photographer, to see if she would be interested in doing this fun one-time thing with me. She didn’t really watch The Walking Dead at the time (she does NOW) but she and her husband are regular con goers and she knows what they are all about. She had to think about it and discuss the trip with her husband but in the end she was on board.

While I was in Atlanta shooting this show, I received a call about a job. A good job with a company I wanted to work for. They wanted to set up an interview as soon as I got back into town. So we did.

I came home from Atlanta and I collected photos from everyone and organized them and uploaded them and had beautiful photos to document this event. An event that had turned into a huge and wonderful success, so much so that there was immediately talk of possibly doing it again in another city…or two.

I interviewed for the job when I came home from that first show. And then I waited. The holidays came and went and I continued to follow up until February when I found out that I’d gotten a position, but not the one I had originally interviewed for. A better one. I would start this job at the end of March. Just after we would have the second show in Chicago.

I did the happy dance as I put in my two week’s notice at the bad, bad place. I was able to enjoy some time off before starting the new job and I would close out that time off shooting my second show in Chicago.

I shot the second show in Chicago with this convention in the winter of 2014. It was a convention now. There were some hiccups with this show, but we all learned so much from it. We shot some great photos, captured some wonderful memories and the guys were happy with what we were doing and said they wanted me and Amanda at all of the shows we could make.

Around the time of our show in Boston I was having some health issues and also my friend Will was losing his battle with colon and liver cancer. Considering all that was happening to me personally, to date the Boston show has been my very favorite event.

I came home from Boston and immediately had to have an unpleasant out-patient procedure but I’m better for it. Any illness I was dealing with paled in comparison to what was happening with my friend Will. I was able to spend some precious time with him in the hospital before he let go.

Just after the Boston show I also found out that The Little Convention That Could would be growing to seven cities in 2015. That’s right. Seven.

After our “anniversary” show in Atlanta this year I received a call from Eric inviting us to be part of their core team. It’s an honor and a privilege to be on this staff.

We closed out the year at The Meadowlands in New Jersey. One of the very high points for me was that my friend Ken came to check out the convention and to see what I do. Up until that show none of my friends had really come out to see what all the fuss is about so I was ridiculously excited.

The NYNJ show was extra special for me because I got to have Christmas dinner with the entire team that Saturday evening. Eric and James didn’t just assemble a team of people to perform needed tasks. Unwittingly, they have assembled a family.

I have never been part of something so rewarding and I can hardly believe how fortunate I am. It’s a little sad to say, but I am just not used to being this happy!

Lots to say but I will save it for later.

I’ve had a bit of a headache for the past three days, but in spite of that I’m still in a ridiculously good mood. I can’t explain it and I’m not about to try. Why ask why, yes?

So without further ado, let’s get on with the happy…

Flea came over for an impromptu fire last night. I went to gather sticks from the yard for kindling before she got here and decided to pull some of the dead twigs off of the tree that has been struck by lightning twice. I pulled on a thin twig and an entire branch came down…on my head. While that was NOT pleasant (see above: headache) it was funny and now I have a whole bunch of kindling for my beloved fire pit.

Lea and I had a nice fire and laughed at a ton of things that probably one we would think was funny and I sat there feeling so fortunate to have a friend like her in my “family”; someone who gets me and still manages to like me anyway.

This week I figured out how to make stuff on these loom things I’ve had for over a year or so. I had just about given up figuring out how to use them. I can knit (barely) but I could NOT figure out how to do anything on the looms. Thankfully, someone on YouTube made a lovely “so easy even Heather can do it” instructional video and *BOOM* I’ve now made a hat and two scarves on the damn things! Look at me go!

It also makes me happy that I have friends that like when I make them silly scarves and hats and things!

I woke up to a message from Jessica linking me to an article detailing the 29 Time Tom Hiddleston Was You Perfect Boyfriend. It’s a sad, sad thing when I believe one of My Imaginary Boyfriends to be entirely too good for me.

Speaking of Tom Hiddleston, I am happily watching the Special Features for Only Lovers Left Alive and you could not wipe the smile from my face right now even if you tried. But I would appreciate it very much if you didn’t. Just please let me have my moment.

Work is good. Although one of the guys that was responsible for getting me hired has left the company. Before he left, he gave me a sugar skull that used to sit in his office. He said he bought it a long time ago but after meeting me he decided it belonged with me. I shall call him Bob. (Sorry. Jim Butcher: Dresden Files reference.)

My favorite season is here and my favorite holiday is right around the corner. I have been looking for Yankee Candle Witch’s Brew candles but haven’t seen any. I opened up one of the compartments on my entertainment center today while I was looking for cables and found a couple of full boxes of Witch’s Brew tealight candles along with some pumpkin votives in the cubby. SCORE!

I love the little coffee shop in town. They now have refillable growlers and I can take mine in and they will fill it with delicious iced coffee or tea for a small fee. I enjoy this a great deal. I’m actually enjoying some iced coffee right this very minute as I type this out in my sunny living room.

Have I mentioned the weather has been just absolutely beautiful? Warm during the day and crisp in the evening. Windows open all the time weather. Fire pit at night weather.

The “hobby job”? It is so much fun. It really has turned into something I never expected.

I’m sure there’s more since it is ridiculously simple to make me happy and I am so easily amused but I think I’ll stop right here for today and give the movie I’m watching my undivided attention.

Take care, kids.

I was getting ready to head back up to the hospital that morning .

My heart just hurts but I am relieved he is no longer hurting. My heart hurts for Rocky having to be without his twin.

I’ve known the boys a very long time. Since around grade school. We lost touch, as people do, after high school. We both moved away from The Region and ended up back here.

There was a time, very long ago, where Will had a misconception about me and some things were said that got back to me. Things have a way of getting back to me.

So when Rocky found me through social media about 10 years or so ago, I was very happy to hear from him. He told me that Will was happy he’d found me as well and I was a little confused because I had assumed Will didn’t much care for me and I told Rocky as much…and why.

Rock, being the good brother, immediately defended his twin. That’s what brothers do.

Then Rocky spoke to Will about what I’d said and found out, well, it had actually been true.

Will apologized and we laughed about the whole thing. It was so long ago and so silly. From then on, we were like family. We have had a lot of fun together. Enjoyed Halloweens, New Year’s Eves, fire pit nights, silly movie & pizza nights, summer festivals, house parties, barbecues and live music shows. None of us are good at asking for help but we’ve been there for each other when the others have allowed it. We’re all pretty stubborn.

I’m happy I got the chance to spend so much time over these years with Will and Rocky. I’m grateful that the boys consider me family. I was honored that they allowed me be there with them when it was Will’s time to go.

I’m going to miss you, buddy.

Halloween 2009 (Rocky, me, Will & Jessica)

I’m not sure if I’ve written about what has been going on with my friend Will over the past 2 ½ years. I’m pretty sure I must have, but I am honestly too tired to go back and check my archives so I’ll just give it to you all in one fell swoop of information.  2 ½ years ago Will was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer that had also spread to his liver. This Saturday Will’s twin brother Rocky sent me a message telling me that Will was in ICU and that I could come see him if I wanted to. I immediately knew something was amiss because this entire time since Will has been diagnosed he has not allowed me to come see him any time he had to be in the hospital.

Rocky met me outside when I got to the hospital a half an hour later to tell me that Will has pneumonia and his liver just can’t keep up anymore. The doctors are only giving Will a few weeks to live. We sat on a bench outside the hospital and cried for a bit. So many thoughts running through my head about how close these boys are. They are twin brothers. Best friends. Inseparable. What can I do to help? Will Rocky let me help?

We straightened ourselves up and put on happy faces and went up to Will’s room and I was able to just hang out with him for a while. I went back up there today and will go to see him every day he is up to it. They are moving a hospital bed into their home tomorrow to begin hospice care. I told Rocky that will take shifts witting with Will any time he needs a rest and Lea has said she will gladly do the same.

Of course we all want to feed Rocky because that seems to be all we know how to do. I’m just so fucking sad. I’ve known Willy and Rocky since I was in 4th grade. For those of you keeping track at home that’s around 35 years. My heart just hurts and I had to get this out in some way. If you have some spare good thoughts, please send them Will’s way…and Rocky’s too.

I finished my first week at the new job. I’m optimistic I’ve made a good decision in accepting the position. Even after only a week, I am so much happier than where I was.

I have a company car now. Which couldn’t have come at a better time since my mechanic has warned me twice now that my truck doesn’t have much life left. I’m so grateful.

I also got some good news that I’m going to be doing the panel and floor photography, along with my friend Amanda, for Popaticon in Boston in June (for the Boondock Saints 15th anniversary and if you know me, you know why this was such a big deal to me) and for Walker Stalker Con Atlanta in October (possibly San Francisco in January). I’m also going to help out a friend with whatever he needs at the C2E2 Convention this month. This hobby of mine has really turned into something very special.

It’s very strange for me to be so darned happy. I’m going to enjoy it and savor every moment.